Latest WLJ column

Those, who have made the prediction that Oakland will be the place that will provide a plausible reason for conservatives to assert that martial law is needed in the United States to maintain order, just got a specific newsworthy example of how things could hypothetically get so out of control that the only possible remedy would be a brief experiment with martial law.

Stories have been emerging in the regional news media that predict that the budgetary crisis in the city ofOaklandwill soon require a need to bring some national control over the Oakland Police Department.

Since the topic of what happened in Oakland starting at noon on Saturday, January 28, 2012 will be a popular subject for use on the Internets during the coming week, and since a columnist/photographer, who contributes regularly to this website, was a witness with a Nikon Coolpix for the first four hours of the Move In Day Protest, we will provide readers with a subjective report on Oakland’s latest contribution to the evolving history of the Occupy Movement.

Since the World’s Laziest Journalist is particularly fond of the coffee sold at De Lauer’s Newsstand (you read that right it’s an old fashioned store that specializes in newspapers and magazines) we went to Oakland and arrived about a half hour before the noon event was scheduled to begin.

There was about a hundred protesters gathered on the North side of Frank Ogawa plaza when we arrived.  We took the opportunity to take some photos of the signs and artwork because, even if the event turned out to be a total non-story, pictures of the signs would be the kind of feature photos that one website could use later.

Just before noon a fellow came up to the World’s Laziest Journalist and requested that we not take photos that showed protesters’ faces. 

At morning coffee earlier inBerkeley, a fellow inBerkeleypredicted that there would be no arrests would be made at the day’s event.

The OPD (Oakland Police Department) got the first arrest on the scoreboard before the event was five minutes old thus giving writers the opportunity to use a sports metaphor such as a kick-off return that produces a touchdown.

The protesters took a winding march route that led them to the campus of LaneyCollegewhere it looked like, to this columnist, they were cordoned off.  Then protesters who were passing by reported that local news media was reporting that the protesters had moved to a new location to the north of the College.

At the college one police officer advised citizens to stay as far away from the event as they could.  Recently in similar news events in the greaterSan FranciscoBayarea, reporters with press credentials have been detained along with protesters and so the advice seemed, to a fellow who no longer carries a current press pass, like sound advice.

If nothing else, the police and protesters seem unanimous on the idea that photographers should get lost.

When this photographer covered an event known as the Venice Canal Riot in the Seventies it didn’t seem like fatigue was a factor in the day’s events. 

Why then could that same photographer now claim that after only four hours of walking aroundOakland, going back toFrankOgawaPlazato catch a bus going back toBerkeley, might cause some negative comments on his next job performance report?

In the old days when carrying a Nikon F and needing the skill of loading 35 mm film onto a Nikor reel was part of the job qualifications, it was necessary to be aware of deadline limitations.  The photographer had to be aware of the time not only inLos Angeles, but in other cities in theUSA. 

A sports photo that moved at 9 p.m. PST, would arrive in sports departments on the East Coast at midnight, which was deadline time for getting material into the next morning street edition.

It was a commonly accepted rule of thumb that if a photographer didn’t see his work move on the wire before 6 p.m. Pacific Time, it didn’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of being used by the Los Angeles Times.

There are, we understand, some state of the art digital cameras that can download onto the Internets directly and instantaneously from the scene where news has occurred.  We understand that live steam video “live from the scene” is being provided to some people with the right computer equipment.

We got a feature style photo of a hand held device showing a teargas attack somewhere inOaklandto the protesters at backFrankOgawaPlaza.  No deadline lag there.

Santa Claus has not yet delivered any computer hardware that would drastically shorten the amount of time that the World’s Laziest Journalist requires to post any material online.  We have to go back to the laptop, download the files from the Coolpix, edit the images and select the best ones, then go to a place where a wifi connection can be accessed, and then post photos and a story on the Internets.

A quick check of the Internets on the way back to the laptop in Berkeley provide a glimpse of some excellent images on the Contra Costa Times website and that had the effect of slightly diminishing the World’s Laziest Journalist’s level of enthusiasm for the process of posting.

On Saturday night, we noted that KCBS’s hourly CBS radio network news was very focused on the fact that Herman Kane had endorsed Newt Gingrich.  While we were listening and editing the digital images, KCBS reported that the Protesters had entered a WMCA and interacted with some people there who were exercising. 

Obviously the explanation of just what going into that place had to do with the day’s announced goal of entering an abandoned building and establishing a claim that such a move was a humanitarian effort to provide shelter for the homeless will have to be elaborated by the nebulous Occupy Movement protesters, who take pride in featuring no management hierarchy that can provide authoritative replies to any reporter’s inquiries.

Initially, the unexplained visit to the YMCA, which KCBS reported added another one hundred arrests to the scoreboard, might seem inappropriate as part of the argument that action has to be taken to prove that empty office building might be a viable alternative to the Occupy Campsites which drew extensive criticism attributed to local business men. 

By 6 a.m. Sunday morning, KCBS was reporting that the total number of arrests had risen to the 300 level. 

The Sunday 7 a.m. PST CBS radio network newscast made a brief mention of the Move In Day arrests inOakland.

Some protesters entered theOaklandCity Hallon Saturday evening.  Initially KCBS was relaying the information that photographers at the City Hall had noticed that the protesters did not have to force entry to the facility.  By Sunday morning, reports stated that Occupy protesters had broken into the City Hall and then trashed the place.

On a quiet Sunday morning inBerkeley, the columnist/photographer wrote up his subjective report on the newsworthy Saturday protest and then planned to travel to a place where he could post it.

What makes it worthwhile for a fellow to spend all that time and effort to produce something which conservatives will ridicule as glorifying thugs and liberals, other than the ones who stumble across it where it is posted, will ignore? . . .

Can we get back to your later with the answer to that question?

Confessions of a rookie art director

[<B>Note:  In an effort to enhance the reading on the humor scale, this column will be found to contain trace elements of <I>braggadocio</I> and fabricated verisimilitude</B>.]

 

Due to the fact that a member of the Fortyniners did his imitation of Bill Bruckner style clutch performance twice in one game last Sunday, we are obliged [It’s never fun to lose a bet] to start this week’s weekend wrap up by plugging a blog (<a href =www.franknicodemus.org

>www.franknicodemus.org

 </a> {did she say it was the Cadillac of blogs or a blog about Cadillacs?}) for a Giants fan and then proceeding on to our regularly scheduled ration of amazingly perceptive and insightful political punditry interwoven with unique observations about pop culture.

 

Are the mainstream media pundits pointing out the absurd spectacle presented by the fact that a year long cavalcade of clichés proclaiming that the most important Presidential election ever?  It is starting with a concerted effort by top Republican personalities to discredit the two leading candidates.  How dare the Republican rank ’n’ file voters think that they can select the nominee!  Isn’t the core principle of a Republic that only qualified persons (such as men who own land) can vote?  Well then only folks like Bob Dole and Karl Rove should be consulted when it comes time to write a news story that will refer to “the Republican frontrunner.” 

 

If it ain’t gonna be Romney or Gingrich, then who will it be?  If the experts on the weekend shouting matches can’t tell you that, do you really expect the World’s Laziest Journalist to make an accurate prediction which will spoil the surprise?  Here’s a hint:  what totally qualified Republican has the initials:  J. E. B.?

 

The Republicans lately have been rather insistent about starting a tiny, quick war withIran.  The Republicans always harshly criticize everything Obama does.  If President Obama starts a war withIran; will that force the Republicans into making a tough fielder’s choice decision?  They can either cheer him on in the conduct of a blitzkrieg in the Gulf or they can denounce him for doing what they wanted to do. 

 

Even if President Obama starts a new war they really want, and even if he personally goes into battle and wins a Medal of Honor and the war is won in thirty minutes, the Republicans would sincerely ridicule that as being a despicable inept spectacle that has brought shame and dishonor to the country.

 

Where can we get a photo that contrasts flower power with a soldier’s weapon to illustrate the dilemma facing theUSAthis week?  There was an iconic Sixties image that showed a hippie guy placing the stem of a flower into the barrel of an M-1.  That image is rather common on the Internets, but we won’t use it because we don’t know who owns the rights to the famous shot, so that makes getting permission to use that shot a moot question.

 

BerkeleyCAis rather synonymous with both flower power and anti-war demonstrations and, as luck would have it, to promote the current production at the Ashby Stage (home of the Shotgun Players) a relevant new mural is being used to tout it.  It is a graphic design featuring an M-16 with a flower dangling from the gun barrel.  Click.  <I>Voila!</I>  We now have in our possession, a digital file of an image that makes getting permission to use it seem like a schizophrenic’s soliloquy .

 

Who knew that being an online columnist would eventually require a fellow to acquire a stockpile of stock photos and a handbook full of information about the art director’s job?

(Most columnists online or in print journalism have probably never heard of Alexey Brodovitch, let alone aspire to his level of art direction achievements in page layout and photo illustrations to supplement the text on the page.)

 

Did other political pundits report that on a fundraising visit toSan Francisco, the columnist’s old grade school classmate Joey Biden suffered a verbal malfunction that revealed his lack of sports expertise show?  The gaff landed Biden on page one of the San Francisco Examiner the next day for saying that the Giants were going to the Superbowl.  Wouldn’t a photo of the security detail assigned to the Vice President be an example of an anemic illustration for a weekend wrap up that runs more than a week later? 

 

It’s tough enough to get up early, pound out a column that the writer hopes is entertaining and informative augmented by (occasionally) topics that are subsequently used in the main stream media, and then go to a public library to get access to the Internets to post it; but when you add on the duties of a photographer and an amateur art director to the “to do” list, that makes it all the more time consuming.  Herb Caen, who wrote a daily column in San Francisco for sixty years never had to spend time finding a photo that was relevant to his column, did he?

 

What if the columnist’s stock photo files have some nifty photos of Bon Scott’s statue in Fremantle WesternAustralia, but he didn’t get any images of the Occupy the Cal Library news story during the week?  Will UCB students be upset that the library story wasn’t covered by the photographer?  Do kids these days even know who Bon Scott was?  Well, such a shot would be sure to draw about one Google searching person somewhere in the world to the site every day for years to come.  Unfortunately no American website would be willing to reimburse the photographer for the expenses that would be incurred in the effort to get such images.

 

What if the journalist’s trend-spotting radar picks up a regional anomaly?  If snapshot collecting is not becoming popular anywhere else but inBerkeleyand if the columnist gets caught up in the “hobby,” does it deserve to be a trend-spotting column topic?  Is a decades old photo print considered to be in the public domain?  Would the topic of snapshot collecting be a valid excuse for running an intriguing old snapshot with no caption material?

 

The columnist seems to find images featuring old automobiles irresistible even on a tight budget.  Someday, if we ever write a trend-spotting column about snapshot collecting, we will probably have several eye-catching images to go with it.

 

A homeless writer inBerkeleyCAcaused a bit of a small sensation online this week by challenging Mitt Romney to do a Prince and the Pauper routine and trade places.  TheBerkeleyfellow, James Richard Armstrong II, is on Facebook and looking to expand his fan base by adding more readers to his list of friends, so folks who want to follow his progress can go to that site and send him an invitation to be an e-friend.  A good portrait of him would have been a good photo illustration for this column. 

 

If Corporations are going to have the same rights and privileges as people, then when will they be permitted to compete in the Olympic Games?  Wouldn’t the New York Yankees kick ass in the baseball competition?  Life magazine has collected the 100 best sports pictures for a gallery on their website.

 

We were introduced to a fellow inBerkeleythis week whose claim to fame was being “Louie theTurkey” on some Frank Zappa recordings.  Unfortunately we didn’t get a photo of the fellow.

 

On Saturday, Occupy Oakland is planning an event which, if the World’s Laziest Journalist goes, might provide some acceptable accompanying news photos for a weekend warp-up column that will get posted next Friday. 

 

The quest for good photos will continue . . .

 

Alexey Brodovitch has been quoted as saying:

A.  “This disease of our age is boredom… The way to combat this is by invention – by surprise. When I say a good picture has surprise value, I mean that it stimulates my thinking and intrigues me.”  

B.  “A good picture must be a completely individual expression which intrigues the viewer and forces him to think.”  

C.  “If [an artist] is to maintain his integrity, he must be responsible to himself; he must seek a public which will accept his vision, rather than pervert his vision to fit that public.”

D.  “If you see something you have seen before, don’t click the shutter.”

E.  All of the above.

 

Now the disk jockey will play “Kodachrome,” Ferde Grofé’s “Grand Canyon Suite,” and Ferrantey and Teicher’s “Canadian Sunset.”  We have to go find a movie theater showing “Hugo” in 2-D.  Have a “Smile! You’re on Candid Camera!” type week.

A crazy idea from the WLJ guy

Is it worth the effort to write a column that ties together the W. C. Fields slogan “Never Give a Sucker an even Break,” Ross Thomas’ book title “The Fools in Town Are on our Side,” and the old locker room adage “my wife’s married; but I’m not” and present something that will amuse the hardcore Fox Views audience who believe that they are people with inquiring minds who won’t get fooled again? 

So which of the Republicans are the Foxkrieg troops going to embrace this year?  Will it be the Rich guy who made millions liquidating American businesses while trying to palm himself off as a Woody Guthrie-ish man of the streets?  (Why didn’t he just say “I’m the Wall Street guy”?)  Will it be the studly family values = open marriage guy?  Will it be Rick “say hello to my little friend” Santorum? 

Aren’t contemporary efforts to assess the Republican scramble to select a 2012 Presidential Candidate similar to trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle while participating in the stampede to depart from a sinking ship that has sounded the abandon ship alarm?  It is an impossible task so the pundits should embrace the insanity.

IsAmericaready to do a mind melt with Rupert Murdoch and select soccer as the official American pastime?  If anyone can turn soccer hooliganism into a display of American patriotism, surely it will be the Fox analysts, eh?  Isn’t Superbowl Sunday going to start with a Manchester United match?  Wow!  Will all the Tottenham Hotspurs fans tune in to see theManchesterboys get their noses bloodied (figuratively speaking, of course!)?

Have any of the news organizations done an update on the brain cancer victim who was sent to the hospital for daring to root for an out-of-town team at a Hockey match recently?

Don’t sports fans believe in “One sport – One Team – One star player”? 

Can’t we all get along and subscribe to a philosophy that asserts “One CEO!” as a (metaphorically speaking) way of supporting whoever gets elected President in November?  The Republicans all agree that the Democrats should think that way. 

Don’t the skeptics who get so upset with the Occupy Movement urge the protesters to get a job because work will set them free?  BFH!  (Isn’t that the Brit-texting way of saying Bloody Far-out Hell!”?) 

Only Democrats see a contradiction in continuing the foreclosure trend and then telling the homeless families that they can’t sleep in tents in public parks and they can’t stay in abandoned office buildings either.  Duh!  Ya can’t create jobs in office buildings that have become de facto slum tenements.  They have to be ready to house new businesses when the Republicans use the electronic voting machines (with unverifiable results) to replace the incumbent President. 

If a Republican is elected President won’t he, like George W. Bush did previously, take military spending off the national budget’s balance sheet and then “abracadabra!”  quick as a flash, there will be no deficit and the road to recovery will be smooth sailing for the rest of his term.

To hear the Democrats tell it, if George W. Romney gets elected, he will liquidate the New Deal as fast as possible.  Duh, again!  If the Republicans scrap the Social Security Program, there won’t be any need to tax the rich, eh? 

The Democrats worship Obama to an uncomfortable degree.  Isn’t it time to send Willard up there to replace him in the White House?  BFH!  Are Obama’s methods unsound?  Ask some Republicans and they (and their subservient old ladies) will tell you:  “I don’t see any method at all!”

What’s the difference between a punk, a rebel (with or without a cause), an outlaw, a rocker, a soccer hooligan, and an Occupy protester? 

If there is no difference why don’t some punk rockers, rebels and outlaws hold a benefit concert to raise funds to buy foreclosed buildings to house the tent cities protesters?  Do they think that if they raise the money, the banks won’t sell them the abandoned unused office buildings? 

A lot of musicians have made a considerable amount of money posing as punks, rebels, and outlaws.  If they are going to talk the talk, shouldn’t they be willing to walk the walk?

The Rolling Stones band once made headlines inGreat Britainby proclaiming:  “We’re the Rolling Stones; we piss anywhere.”  Was that a sneak preview of the Occupy Movement?  All they gotta do is play one benefit concert, one time and then the Occupy Posse will have enough money to buy foreclosed office buildings in (guessing) twenty five strategic cities? 

Have the boys fromAltamontsuddenly become The Rolling Stones Inc.?

When the Rolling Stones got into some legal troubles (over a closed men’s room?) inGreat Britain, the Who went into a studio and cut a cover of a Rolling Stones song as a show of solidarity.  (We’ve seen a copy of the record in Dr. Demento’s private collection.) 

Back in the day, the Stones had a legal obligation to deliver an album and so they did.  Unfortunately, the material they delivered was unsuitable to their corporate masters and so the project was shelved.  The name of the album can’t be printed in a family newspaper.  Try a Google search for the “Rolling Stones” and “contractual obligation album,” if you want to find the name the band suggested. 

Jerry Lee Lewis had one song with a line that asked “How much would you pay to hear a living legend sing?” 

Is it true that Guns ‘n’ Roses, who opened for the Rolling Stones during the Steel Wheels tour, will be inducted into the Rock’n’Roll Hall of Fame this year?  Who recorded the song “Time slips away”?  Or was it titled “Where Does the Time go?”?

How much money could a benefit concert raise if the lineup featured (hypothetically speaking) Joan Baez, Bob Dylan, the Who, the Kinks, and Furthur (the band formerly known as The Grateful Dead)?  This columnist paid $8 plus change for a ticket to see the Rolling Stones inAnaheimin 1978 (or so); concert tickets would probably cost more these days.  (Just guessing.)

[Note: the World’s Laziest Journalist assumes that if a band didn’t play a gig before January 1, 1970, it is too new and untried to merit serious consideration – although the guys with the band called “U2” are showing some promise.]

Good conservative musicians don’t seem to hesitate when Sean Hannity puts out an invitation to play an annual benefit concert to help the Marines.  What up with all the rock musicians who make sizable fortunes singing about the salt of the earth and working man’s blues?  Can they get their accountants to grant them permission to play just one Occupy Aid type concert gratis?

The Republican debates are getting the Republican viewpoint out to the public.  Why aren’t the Democrats having debates during the primary season?  Are they subscribing to the “No dissention” among the ranks philosophy these days? 

No concert.  No debates.  No hoopla?  How do they expect to win in November?

President Nixon, President Reagan, and President George W. Bush all seemed to intuitively know the wisdom of W. C. Fields’ advice about a second term:  “If a thing’s worth having; it’s worth cheating for.”  The last two Democratic Presidents elected to two full terms in office were Bill Clinton and FDR.

Now the disk jockey will play the Cowsills’ “We Can Fly,” Them’s “Here Comes the Night,” and the Zombies’ “Is This the Dream?”  We have to go see what’s happening with Occupy Oakland.  Have a “Feeling Groovy” type week.

Che as OWS role model?

[<B>Note:  In an attempt to achieve humor, portions of this column have been fictionalized (it is up to readers to do their own factchecking to discern what has and what has not been fictionalized).</B>]

(VeniceCA)  The Occupy Wall Street demonstrations have been gaining increased media attention recently (although some lackeys in the conservative propaganda branch of the media have taken to blatant mocking the spontaneous combustion of citizen outrage) and so the World’s Laziest Journalist went to Marina del Rey (on the Western edge of Los Angeles County) to contact and interview the leaders of the Occupy Marina del Rey (CA) at their secret rebel encampment.  Unlike the other Occupy protests around the USA, the one in Marina del Rey makes a concerted effort to avoid journalists and we had to switch to stealth mode to talk with the folks who have been trying to reverse the trend of politicians, bankers, and capitalists collaborating on the fleecing of the middle class, in that area of county owned land.

For fifty years the media has been reporting on the cozy financial relationship between the politicians and the developers, but (alas) the trend continues to gain momentum to this very day. 

There is no publicized, centralized location for the Occupy Marina del Rey protesters where the police can focus their efforts to discourage the voters’ discontent.  The rebel forces in Marina del Rey have tended to pattern their efforts more along the lines of the Occupy theSierraMaestroMountains.  Many years ago that protest, in a small Caribbean Island Nation, may have, inadvertently, provided the paradigm for the more visible various Occupy Wall Street clone protests springing up around the USA in the Fall of 2011.

We talked with the leader of the Marina Rebels (formed in the late Seventies) known to his followers as “<I>el Jefe</I>,” and he pointed out that the new Occupy Protesters who say that they “aren’t going away” will need at least a decade to establish the priorities for their demands and develop a dialogue with the opposition.

The Marina Rebels have been stymied at every move by the capitalists who dictate their agenda to the local politicians and stifle any attempts to gain converts by managing the news and thus coercing the locals into becoming “sheeple.” 

<I>El Jefe</I> brandishes a copy of the October 20, 2011, issue of <I>La Opiniõn</I> newspaper and points to the lead story that details the allegations that the S-Comm program (according to Aarti Kohli at the Warren Institute at UC Berkeley) puts electronic tracking devices on undocumented foreigners in the USA and challenges the columnist saying:  “Bet ya didn’t know about this, didja?”

We had to admit that we must have missed that story in our efforts to monitor the news emanating out of that school in the SF area.

 <I>El Jefe</I> calls the fascistic politicians, who let developers deplete citizens’ bank accounts via sordid and assorted devious schemes, by the word “Batista” which we assumes means people born out of wedlock.  He uses the word as a metaphor for a dictator who has a very cozy relationship with the capitalists and should be replaced by someone via legitimate democratic means or somehow. 

The more traditional protest at Occupy Venice (CA) epitomized by a small encampment at theVenice Circleechoes the various bigger protests in places likeNew York City,San FranciscoandLos Angeles, but the Marina Rebels prefer to conduct their efforts via law suits.  The leader of the Marina Rebels is quick to ask the visiting columnist if he knows the details of the dispersal of the Bonus Army in Washington D. C. a few years back.  We replied:  “Didn’t Douglas Macarthur do a superb job of extending ‘interline courtesy’ and limiting the number of fatalities of protesting WWI veterains, to an extremely acceptable small number?” 

“Evidently,” <I>el Jefe</I> responded, “Macarthur was intent on running interference for Ronald Reagan and establishing a precedence for the kind of harsh response to demonstrators which the California governor would condone when he said ‘If it takes a blood bath to end this dissention on campus, let’s get it over with.’”

We asked if the leader of the Marina Rebels thought there would be a heavy handed government move to help convince the protesters to abandon their efforts.  “You had to be blindfolded while you were being brought here.  Draw your own conclusions.” He continued:  “Didn’t your mother teach you that all’s fair in love, war and politics?”

Then he pointed to the front page of the Los Angeles Times October 20, 2011, edition which had a lead story about an FBI investigation into allegations of beatings in the jail facilities. 

“The protesters who compare their commitment to non-violence to Gandhi’s methods may soon want to read Albert Camus’ ‘The Rebel’ because in effect they are forcing a binary choice onAmerica:  ‘change your ways’ or endorse fascism . . . one more time.  Based onAmerica’s past history, we think we know which way the capitalists’ police force will be told to handle the problem.  Camus wouldn’t have expected a Pollyanna ending to the protests, so why should I?”  He paused and then asked:  “How are the ‘No Justice; No BART’ protests going?”  He paused and then asked another question:  “After the 1968 Democratic Convention who was put on trial?  Was it the cops or the kids?”

When we pulled out our Nikon Coolpix camera some of the rebels pulled out pistols.  <I>El Jefe</I> motioned me to put the camera away.  “Go over to the Occupy Venice site if you want to take photos.  You can’t take any here.”

He chuckled and then added:  “We have been conducting our fight for about thirty five years.  We may not live to see the Promised Land where rents are fair, but we will continue fighting until we win or the day we die.  Che Guevara said:  ‘Whenever death may surprise us, let it be welcome if our battle cry has reached even one receptive ear and another hand reaches out to take up our arms.’  We hope the Occupy sites succeed and achieve all their aims but they should know that it may take some time to wear the capitalists down.”

Then he ended the bearded leader added:  “It seems that efforts to shame the capitalists into repenting is a bit more optimistic than this old cynic is ready to expect.”

Now the disk jockey will play “Until the end of time,” and the Stones songs “When the whip comes down” and “StreetFightingMan.”  We have to go check and see if there is an “Occupy Santa Monica” and see how well it is going.  Have an “In it to win it” type week.

Occupy Turtle Island

After three unsuccessful efforts to pound out a rough draft of a column that uses the story of Geronimo as a cautionary tale for the people participating in the various local installments of the “Occupy Wall Street” protest in New York City, we realized that just writing a column about it would be a challenge because if you can’t go to one of the locations, where people are expressing their opinion by taking action, to get quotes, and to observe the proceedings; then what is there to say?

It should be obvious that people who make millions and pay no taxes while others eek out a living while paying a big chunk of their income for taxes isn’t fair.

It should be obvious that when police get rough with protesters who objecting to cagy politicians asserting that it is time to reduce the pension payments made to retired teachers and public employees (including law enforcement officers) that may be an example of self-defeating, inexplicable logic. 

A pesky contradiction presents itself in the fact that many of the protesters object to the War on Terrorism because it is a vague concept with no specific goals while their efforts can be similarly criticized.

Liberals who are quite adamant in asserting that Republicans would eventually install fascism in America, and who are very concerned about the Occupy Wall Street movement being co-opted by conservatives, might ask themselves if a series of false flag operatives starts a series of violent incidents, could that provide a convenient excuse for a much faster pace for the slide towards fascism?

Since President Obama has become a stealth Republican do the Occupy Wall Street protesters want to rely on him to protect them from an overly harsh reaction to any agent provocateur activities?

Brad Friedman has been substituting for Mike Malloy on the Malloy’s radio show while the host participates in a protest rally in Washington D. C.  Both Friedman and Malloy are very enthusiastic about the spontaneous manifestations of voter dissatisfaction with the status quo.  We are very tempted to call and ask Friedman (who has been a point man for journalistic criticism of the electronic voting machines and the validity of their unverifiable results) if a call to hold new elections would end the Occupy Wall Street protests.

If they are working toward getting a solemn promise from the capitalists, politicians, and military to reform their ways and end preferential taxation methods and begin more efficient financial oversight then they should all read up on the plight of the Native Americans who tended to get swindled when ever they signed agreements AKA peace treaties AKA “scraps of paper.”  

How did the occupation ofAlcatrazIslandwork out?

How much did the Hippie demonstrations shorten the Vietnam War?

What did the politicians do to end thePullmanstrike?

Have the Occupy Wall Street protesters ever heard of the Ludlow Massacre?

Is it true that the politicians in Washington (AKA “the Great White Father”) ultimately broke every treaty they ever signed with the various Native American groups?  Is it true that the only tribe who was never betrayed by such a duplicitous agreement was the Nez Pierce who were exterminated before they ever signed any treaty?

While perusing a copy of “Geronimo his own story” (the Ballantine Books 1970 paperback edition was edited by S. M. Barrett), we learned that the Chiricahua Apache under Geronimo (who led a splinter faction tribe after Cochise surrendered) led a nomadic existence that was comprised mostly of stealing and waging war.  Wouldn’t Geronimo feel right at home at the 2012 Republican National Convention?

Would a corrupt but compassionate Republican Christian have stolen Geronimo’s skull from Fort Sill and used it as a shrine to remind like minded associates of a commitment to a life of stealing and waging war?

We wish the demonstrators all the luck in the world.  Don’t sign any agreements without reading them fully first.

In an introductory note to the aforementioned Ballantine edition, Frederick W. Turner III notes that the famous warrior was a crafty prisoner:  “It is interesting, however, that just as he was the supreme embodiment of the Chiricahua way of life, so he became a very shrewd capitalist when the white man way was forced upon him.  In fact he took on all the trappings of the white man’s civilization, becoming . . .  a tireless promoter of himself, hawking photographs, bows, and arrows at various fairs and expositions.  He was one Indian who exploited the exploiters better than they could him.”

Now the disk jockey will play “Old Age and Treachery (will beat youth and skill every time),” Buffy St. Marie’s “Universal Soldier,” and Paul Revere and the Raiders’ song “Indian Reservation.”  We have to go check to see if the Peace Pipe is still lit.  Have a “fine day to die” type week.

Is Democracy dead in the USA?

If Hitler had intended from the very beginning to install a small elite group of supporters in a position of authority in a democratic country, which mostly disagreed with his basic premise that only a limited number of citizens were qualified to run the affairs of state, would it have been a wise course of action for him to candidly admit from the start what his ultimate goal was; or would it have been more expedient for him to do a bit of prevaricating and then use the principles of democracy to subvert the very system of government which he was trying to eliminate?

Didn’t he explain in detail, before he started in earnest, how he would achieve his nefarious objective by reducing all issues down, via über-simplification, to a basic slogan and then coast to an easy win?  Were some Germans caught off guard when he did exactly what he said he was going to do?

If a country had a political party that had openly announced that they swore allegiance to the country’s flag and were fully committed to returning to that country’s founding principles; would anyone who fully understands the meaning of the word “Republic” really be surprised to learn that such a party was working to disenfranchise citizens they deemed ineligible to vote?

Could they secretly have a broad mental reservation about not being obliged to adhere to election results that they considered invalid?  If they did, could they openly announce an effort to challenge the system’s validity or would it be better for their ultimate goal if they ostensibly asserted that democratic values were so important that they would send their kids into battle to earn and keep those principles, while secretly working to restore the right to vote only to men who owned land?

Obviously their efforts would initially be better served by very loud assertions of their belief in the method they hoped would become obsolete rather than being so crass and blunt as to proclaim:  “Vote for us so we can disenfranchise you!”

Reducing the issues down to absurdly simplistic slogans (as Don Imus would say:  “bumper sticker it for me.”) might seem to streamline the debate, but more often than not it means “the lowest common denominator” rather than providing “a level playing field.”

For example could a pseudo intellectual liberal pundit who resorts to long complex sentences, with subordinate relatives clauses and numerous prepositional phrases which would challenge a tea bagger’s analytical ability and stymie any effort to correctly diagram it on the chalkboard, be dismissed by a diabolical troll for being “rambling and incoherent”?  Surely Hitler would bestow kudos for such a “slip the punch” response.

In the film “Point Break,” the surfing guru Bodhi (Patrick Swayze) advises an FBI agent:  “Think it through, Johnny.”  In politics the conservatives prefer to toss out a hot potato and offer the advice “Think fast!” with an accompanying smirk.

Conservatives would not dare to say:  “Don’t worry folks, the only thing at stake here is . . . the future of your country!”  Nor would they be very likely to admit the relevancy of the advice from William Claude Dukenfield (AKA W. C. Fields):  “If a thing’s worth having; it’s worth cheating for.” 

Recently some Republicans inFloridabroke ranks with the national party to reschedule their state’s primary election date.  While it is easy to dismiss all the intricate maneuvering as some silly frat boy game playing (the quarterback reads the defense and calls and audible) but the reality is that the only thing at stake here is . . . the future of the country.

OstensiblyFlorida, which is a bastion of teabag party values and acolytes and which traditionally forecasts the person who will become the Republican Party’s Presidential nominee indicated a preference for Herman Cain. 

Will hisFloridamomentum carry him to a quick Florida Primary win or will there be some second thoughts which cause the Sunshine state to pin their hopes on some other dark horse candidate?  Is it remotely possible (“All things are possible through prayer, my son.”) that a former governor of their state could be persuaded to accept a win in an effort to revive the old “favorite son” ruse?

Since there is a lot of disgruntle teachers (especially inWisconsin?) out there waiting for their chance to vote for the next President and since one former governor of Florida can easily be branded as the “education candidate” (isn’t his family’s name an integral part of the history of the “No child left behind” movement, and didn’t he do great things for education in his state?) maybe he can be persuaded to give it a try? 

Before any representative of the Columbia Review of Journalism magazine or the American Journalism Review voices strenuous objections saying that the free press might howls of indignation in response to such a (admittedly bucking great odds) hypothetical election result, we would ask them to remember just how quickly the mainstream media (like a dog and pony show) responded admiringly (and submissively?) to the idea that Howard Dean, in one rash soundbyte, had forfeited his “frontrunner” status to Sen. John Kerry because he had manifested symptoms of being emotionally unstable.

The Fox Views team proposed the idea that Dean had suffered a mental breakdown in public and the Free Press of America, which is normally completely paranoid about being vulnerable to damages for liability lawsuits, quickly seconded the motion without a single instance of a quote from a reliable knowledgeable source about the psychological soundness of the candidate’s state of mind.  (Does that mean that the gullible journalists were actually guilty of practicing medicine without a license?  Whatever.  It’s too late to worry about the validity of the 2004 Election frontrunner substitution now.)

Does the World’s Laziest Journalist really think that the quality of news in America today is so decrepit and unreliable that the mainstream media would meekly follow the lead of some invisible, diabolical Svengali to say (on cue) that by winning the Florida Primary, the Republican Frontrunner for the 2012 Republican Election no longer had to counter a negative (family) brand name image?  Yes.

Wouldn’t such a travesty of journalism indicate that the Free Press in America (and one of the reasons for starting the Revolutionary War) was now as extinct as the California Golden Bear (<I>Ursus arctos californicus</I>)?  Yes.

Isn’t a free press necessary to permit informed citizens to make intelligent voting decisions?  Isn’t that precisely why Hitler clamped a censorship lid on the newspapers in the country where he served as chancellor-for-life?  Did he say:  “Elect me and I’ll start a state run news agency”?

Has the Fox Views audience been informed bout the latest news developments at the Japanese nuclear reactors?  Has the Fox audience heard the stories about the feral dog packs now roaming in the Fukushima area?  Do they know the latest developments in the Murdoch hacking scandal probes in theUSAandEngland?  Did they get stories about “Occupy Wall Street” before the arrests began?  Was the Fox Views audience informed about the recent <a href =http://www.swedishwire.com/politics/11277-swedens-west-coast-hit-by-substantial-oil-spill>massive oil spill off the coast of Sweden</a>?

DidAustraliasend troops to aid with the invasion ofLibya?

How many American troops were killed this week inIraq?

InAfghanistan, how many American troops were killed this week?

Hitler specifically made listening to foreign new broadcasts punishable by death.  (Were Murrow’s Boys that good?  Yes.)

Back in the day, the newsstand in the Pan Am building inNew York Citycarried the current edition of Paris Match.  Can New Yorkers still buy that publication there?

On Saturday, October 1, 2011, a promotional event for the publication of the 2012 edition of the Project Censored book was held at Moe’s Bookstore inBerkeleyCA.  One of the problems presented to the editors for this year’s installment in the book series, was fitting it all into the book.  They used smaller type but still it sets the record the most number of pages for any of their annual publications. 

Of course if some tea bagger troll (speaking <I>ex cathedra</I>) says that Project Censored is “just” a collection of “Best of” articles substantiated by “scientific evidence” from crackpot sources, that should be sufficient to prove that the 2012 Project Censored book will be regarded by conservative pundits as the latest product from the Amalgamated Conspiracy Theory Factory.  Murdoch’s lap dogs will be expected to automatically “second the motion.”

Isn’t it so easy to refute the implication thatAmerica’s Free Press (which may have been worth the cost of some of your family members’ lives during World War II) is DOA?  All you have to do is point to Fox Views as living proof that Journalism is alive and well in theUSA.

The debate over the death of Anwar al-Awlaki was put to permanent rest when Herman Goering said:  “Shoot first and inquire afterwards, and if you make mistakes, I will protect you.”

The disk jockey thinks that the Tea Bag party needs an official song and therefore he will humbly offer his suggestions by playing us out with the Horst Wessel song, the 1938 hit (in Germany) The World Belongs to the Strong, and Richard Wagner’s <I>Liebestod</I> from <I>Tristan und Isolde</I>.  We have to go (to try to) buy a copy of today’s issue of the <I>Volkische Beobachter</I> newspaper.  Have a “<I>Die Dreigroschenoper</I>” type week.

“Why do we do this, Buzz?”

Would anybody in their right mind, put all their stuff in storage, give notice to the landlord in the Mar Vista section of Los Angeles thereby becoming homeless, and then go running off to Australia in search of material for their blog?

Obviously using a left-handed shirttail grab to save a fellow’s life in Sydney will make for a great page or two for the memoirs, but would people want to read a column online detailing how such a maneuver stopped a fellow who was in the falling down stage of inebriation from attempting to stand on a precipice that was four floor above the street and urinate into the void?  When he decided to redirect his efforts to a nearby potted plant and fell face first into the bush, didn’t that constitute saving his life?  Some of the more immature travelers thought it might have been hilarious to let him try his face-plant efforts from on top of the fence that would have provided a more majestic visual than the crass spectacle of the “watering” of the shrubbery did

A large number of books and several magazines find eager audiences willing to spend money to read about far away places with strange sounding names so why is it that the Internets hasn’t spawned a digital Kerouac?  Can crossposting columns on Digihitch lead to a book deal?  Would “No good blog goes unread” be the corollary for “No good deed goes unpunished!”?

What if a fellow traveled extensively and then boldly asserted that theGolden GateBridgein theSan Franciscoarea was more photogenic than theSydneyBridge?  That might stir up one or two posts in the comments section challenging the contention, but (hypothetically) do any potential readers in ConcordiaKansasreally care about determining which of the two is a better photo op?  Wouldn’t they be more interested in getting the final score of the Friday night high school football game?

Would it be worth all the time the time, effort, and expense required to get photos of the two contenders, just to push a troll in the King’s Cross Section of one of the bridges’ home towns into going to all the trouble of posting an “<I>au contraire</I>” message in the comments section?

Isn’t that like the moment in “Rebel without a cause” when James Stark (James Dean) asks the other guy:  “Why do we do this Buzz?”  The answer was “We gotta do something.”

Since that first step of walking out of the apartment building inLos Angeleshappened on October 1 of 2008, we’ve been thinking about the way things have changed since then.

Many Americans pay for a tour to a foreign country and come back with enthusiastic accounts of forming friendships on the trip . . . with their fellow American travelers.  Business men who get paid to go toAustraliausually get to stay at a chain franchise hotel and get to mingle with other businessmen from around the world. 

When they come back to theUSAfolks will ask:  “What are the Australians like?” and those folks will reel off a list of Kodak moments (such as shots of Bon Scott’s statue in Fremantle) and spout travel platitudes.

Staying in Hostels we did not encounter very many fellow Americans nor did we get a chance to chat with many Australians.  We mostly got to talk to fellow vagabonders from throughout theBritish Empireplus a goodly number of European youths.  We made an effort to talk to Aussies so that we could blog our reply in more detail to the “What are Australians like?” question.

If you loveNew York City(and who doesn’t?), you will feel quite at home inSydney, but are New Yorkers just like the folks in ConcordiaKansas?  TheSydneyvs.Perthdebate is very similar to the rivalry betweenNew York Cityand the City ofour LadyQueen of the Angeles (AKA L. A.). 

At a hostel inKalgoorlie, (the Word spell check challenges the name of that city in the W. A. [AKA WesternAustralia]) you are more likely to encounter a Kiwi seeking work than a person fromSydney. 

Regional loyalty is an interesting phenomenon.  Somebody inAustraliathought it would be better to reshoot episodes of “The Office” with local geographical references rather than showing reruns of the American series (which was inspired by a series inEngland).

If the Aussies make a joke about Skimpie’s being the most famous saloon inAustraliawould that be better than a reference to the Amereica’s best corner bar?  When Johnny Carson was hosting the Tonight Show from a studio inNew York, he helped Hurley’s achieve that distinction, but now that he’s gone and Hurley’s is too; what is the most famous gin mill in theUSA?

Australians make as much of a fuss about the Melbourne Cup as Americans do for the Kentucky Derby.  Can your American neighbor who has taken a tour of Oz tell you when that race is held?

One of the most popular tourist attractions inAustralia is the National War Museum in Canberra.  Americans who visit it can learn during World War II, just as the Australians were preparing for an invasion byJapan, theAmericaswon theBattleof theCoral Seaand the Battle of Midway in rapid succession and thereby crippled the Japanese military’s plan to plant their flag on Australian soil.

Australians we met made efforts to explain that they lovedAmericaand Americans for preventing the Japanese invasion, but they disagreed with what George W. Bush was doing with torture, invasions, and attacks on personal liberty.

We went to an (American) Election Results (Why doesAmericainsist on holding their elections on Melbourne Cup Day?) viewing party at theUniversityofSydneyand the tumultuous reaction to Obama’s victory seemed genuine.  When the polls closed at 9 p. m. on Election day, onAmerica’s West Coast, it was 3 p.m. Wednesday inSydney. 

Lately as we notice that while some beautiful Indian Summer days in Berkeley indicate that Winter is drawing neigh, the jacaranda bushes will soon be blooming in Sydney and their country will prepare to celebrate Christmas in the traditional Australia way, i.e. in a bathing suit on the beaches from Bondi to Cottesloe.

In late October of 2008, Australians were very enthusiastic about the election of President Obama and we can’t help but wonder if “change” has occurred in their assessments ofAmerica’s leader.  Hmmm.  Would it be better to go back to theUniversityofSydneyto watch the 2012 Election results get posted or should we try going to Harry’s New York Bar inParisto see the reaction there?

Being a cynical self-subsidized American political columnist means that ultimately that decision will be up to the World’s Laziest Jounralist and no one else will get to participate in the final results.  Which brings us back to Buzz’s question in “Rebel Without a Cause.”

At Christmas time in 2008 we recall one evening sitting in the smoking and drinking area of a hostel in Fremantle WesternAustraliachatting with some young ladies fromStocktonEngland(Home of the Northern Blues) and they asked this columnist why he had gone to all the effort to travel there. 

Seeing the Fords, Ferraris, and Chaparrals compete at Sebring had been fun.  Going to the Oscars™, Emmys, and Grammies had been a real hoot (should we double back on our tracks and see if they have changed much since Nixon was in the White House?).  We had asked John Wayne for his autograph and gotten a business card with a reproduction of his signature.  We gave our autograph to Paul Newman.  We flew in the Goodyear blimp. 

Would a blogger have to be crazy to try to attempt to do something with a blog that Robert Louis Stevenson, Joseph Conrad, and Jack London didn’t achieve with their books?  We explained that we were searching for a colorful character who had been everywhere and done everything.  The Brits enthusiastic response was to say that was precisely why they had come there and that was why they were glad they had met the World’s Laziest Journalist.

In all the intervening days we’ve lost track of the “on the road” aspect of our quest for material for the columns we write.  It seems that we have settled into a routine of bashing the Bush-Obama political agenda.  Now we have to ask ourself another question.  “Why (allegedly) do more sailors jump ship inNew Zealandthan any other country in the world?”

In “A Personal Record,” Joseph Conrad wrote:  “I had given myself up to the idleness of a haunted man who looks for nothing but words wherein to capture his visions.”

Since some music will now always remind us of our trip toAustralia, the disk jockey will now play Bobby Bare’s “Five hundred miles away from home,”  Johnny Cash’s “Live at Fulsome Prison” album, and the 1812 Overture (what will the Western Australia Symphony Orchestra play at this year’s Christmas Concert under the stars?).  We have to go check the expiration date on our passport.  Have an “I remember it well” type week.

S-a-a-a-y What?

Writing an eloquent and well reasoned column pointing out the logical shortfall when a straw poll has been held by the Party that has stated their game plan is to limit the occupant of the White House to one term because they hate him for his ethnic background and the results awards a win indicating that there could be a Presidential race featuring two candidates of Pan-African heritage is too much of a challenge for the World’s Laziest Journalist.

Would Republicans be content to let the conservative majority United State Supreme Court sit idly by and let democracy in action embody provide an example of their nightmare scenario coming true?

Attempting to explain the apparent hypocritical aspect of such an unexpected result would require an elaborate example of in-depth journalism that would blend an extensive knowledge of psychology with speculation about the deep subconscious motivation for the result that blatantly contradicts the attitude revealed by numerous Republican attempts at ethnic humor that offends many Democrats. 

Aren’t the Fox Views propagandists the only performers qualified to give instant analyses displaying an extensive knowledge of the mood of the electorate?  Wouldn’t a liberal pundit be challenged for producing anything describing what the voters are thinking that is unsubstantiated by extensive (and expensive) polling results?

It would be easier to write a column about an attempt at the Amalgamated Conspiracy Theory Factory to fabricate a new item that makes a nefarious effort to link the ideas that college educated liberals support teachers’ unions and that high school dropouts who may not have had courses where they learned to dissect a frog are the staunchest critics of the global warming evidence presented by “scientists.”  What possible connection could they suggest at the aforementioned factory?  Doesn’t it sound stupid to think that the longer a person stays in school the more likely it will be that they think that all polar bears (<I>Ursis maritimus</I>) will eventually drown in the Artic Sea?  Can we get a WTF?

Isn’t it great that after President Obama lectured the Congressional Black Caucus and told them that they should take Archie Bunker’s advice to “Stifle!,” his ardent Liberal critics (such as Mike Malloy) didn’t resort to a trite metaphor about making them eat some cookies that carry a racial slur connotation in their brand name? 

Someday we are going to write a column about the list of radio personalities that became cultural phenomenon.  We can remember hearing Arthur Godfrey, Don McNeill, Cousin Brucie, Harry Harrison, and Dr. Demento.  We seem to remember that Don Sherwood had a brief gig at a Lake Tahoe radio station and we heard one or two examples of that show.  AM radio reception in the Tahoe basin was poor but Wolfman Jack came in loud and clear.  We were too young to have the chance to hear Father Coughlin.  We missed Jean Sheppard.  Liberals and Conservatives have diametrically opposed reasons for listening to Mike Malloy, but someday we are going to put on our Pop Culture hat and do a column asserting that as theUSAmorphed from democracy to fascism, Malloy functioned as the last Liberal voice standing. 

Someday folks who were youngsters during the Obama era will be reading history books (are they on the endangered species list yet?) and might regret that they had the chance to hear what a Liberal rant sounded like but that they put it off and thereby missed a chance to participate in cultural history as it was happening.

We assumed that the unwashed phenomenon performing at the Village Gate would always be there and we intend to catch it next time we are in the Big Apple.

We didn’t realize how long it would take but since we assumed that Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground would always be the house band at Maxwell’sKansas City, we figure that we should go there at the next available opportunity.

Can you hear Radio Caroline on the Internets?

Should one of the Internets radio sites call itself XERB dot com?

Why did Liberal media types hail the British Invasion of America in the Sixties and condemn the American Invasion of Iraq in the Bush era?

Why don’t the Conservative trolls refute the assertion that the current Republican game plan sounds like a “Waiting for Godot” revival and that existentialism and Theater of the Absurd are close approximations of Republican values?

Speaking of “Waiting for Godot,” some skeptics have challenged our contention that JEB will be the Republican Presidential nominee in 2012.  When is he going to make his move?

Why is it that, when the Rolling Stones, who have touring down to a fine science, are scheduled to take the stage at a concert, they always run late?  The audience gets restless and rowdy and just when the crowd seems on the verge of a spontaneous riot, the announcer (who did they get to replace Bill Graham?) will introduce the world’s greatest band and the crowd will give them a very enthusiastic reception.  Could Karl Rove be intending to do the same thing for JEB?

Remember the time inLos Angeleswhen Bill Graham told the crowd that if they didn’t stop booing Prince, they wouldn’t get the Stones?  Boy, that shut the rude boys up real fast.

The is a folk axiom that says “If you can remember the Sixties, you weren’t really there.”  Back then people had to work hard to be well informed about the contemporary culture.  The Village Voice, theBerkeleyBarb, and the L. A. Free Press worked diligently to keep people informed about what was happening.  The older WWII vets thought that the kids and their opposition to “Tricky Dick” were amusing.

People who rely on Fox Views to be well informed might some day look back on the Bush-Obama era and realize that there was an ideological explanation for questions about why theOccupy Wall Streetmovement didn’t get noticed by the mainstream media until there some good old Sixties-style mass arrests were made.

Political chicanery may be ubiquitous but it is never amusing – except to existentialist cynics.  Fool the voters once, shame on you.  Fool them every time and it is time to reassure the rubes that the electronic voting machines are unhackable. 

The Cain win inFloridais exhibit A for making the case that the Republicans are not racists.  The Obama win in 2008 is exhibit A for proving that the results from the electronic voting machines are reliable. 

Part of Karl Rove’s strategy has always been to attack the opposition’s strong point.  Does that mean that if JEB is nominated his ads will feature a sound byte of his brother’s quote:  “If this were a dictatorship, it’d be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I’m the dictator.”?

Now the disk jockey will play the Del Vikings “Don’t get slick on me,” the Kink’s “Who will be the next in line,” and Jerry Lee Lewis’ “What a heck of a mess.”  We have to go find our draft card.  Have a veto proof type week.

Right to life or “Give us Barabbas!”?

Aren’t the audiences for live TV events usually expected to react on cue?  Aren’t they supposed to applaud only when the “Applause” light is lit?  Did the debate audience flash the inverted hitchhikers sign (which very closely resembles the movie reviewer’s hand signal trademarked by Roger Ebert?) to indicate their suggestion to the “Give meLibertyor give me death” binary choice while they uttered their verbal bit of Gladiator nostalgia?  “Could the studio audience’s shouting of ‘Let him die!’ have been a scripted moment?”

Isn’t it deadly serious and not the least bit funny when the right to life segment of the Republican Party sits in silence while a man of Pan African heritage is executed for a murder for which there is reasonable doubt about the defendant’s guilt?  Did uncle Rushbo play the “Let him die!” sound byte on the day of the Troy Davis execution?  Are the “Right to Life” advocates just playing “dead dog” on command or are they a dying breed?  Will the Republicans keep the “Let him die!” philosophy in mind when it comes time to apply some stringent budget cuts to the Veterans Hospitals programs?  (Do Republicans laugh when they hear Elvis sing “Old Shep”?) 

Isn’t it logical to conclude that either the “Right to Life” or “Let him die!” is a false flag operation for the Republi<I>can’t</I>s?  Or have they mastered the concept that George Orwell dubbed “double think”?

Will any bleeding-heart liberal pundit ask:  “Is it really surprising to find Gestapo values in a war crimes nation?”

Read John Powers book “Sore Winners” and then try to make the point that a scripted spontaneous moment couldn’t have been the case.  Aren’t all the famous Republican moments well scripted?  (Such as:  “We hear you!”?)

Could it be that pundits for mainstream media are no longer expected to do anything but act as part of a bucket brigade for conservative talking points? 

If the paid pundits have morphed into subservient propagandists, then they won’t risk their weekly paychecks to ask impertinent questions about the piss-poor job performance of the Republicans in Congress.  Why should they? 

If America has become an “Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves” nation, why should a media personality risk his job just to bring up the possibility that voters negotiating to save their homes from foreclosure are dealing with the same kind of hardhearted desperados as were featured in the famous example of Arab folklore. 

There is an old bit of American folk wisdom warning that the one sure way of avoiding a divorce is to never get married.  Using that logic, if people don’t want to deal with a bank foreclosing on their homes, then they shouldn’t buy one.

If the wife does get sick, new wisdom says:  “have a divorce lawyer deliver the <I>adios</I> papers!”  Was Newt afraid to do that? 

Isn’t it selfish (and a fine example of sewing the seeds for class warfare) for foreclosure victims to begrudge bankers their generous Christmas bonuses?

Do they want the foreclosure henchmen to be paid salaries just to sit and ignore past-due mortgage payments?

Didn’t a John Steinbeck novel prove that you can’t move toCaliforniaand take the family farm inOklahomawith you?

Aren’t über-cynical pundits saying that it is very poignant to realize that the author of “Generation of Swine” died long before the spectacle of this year’s P. T. Barnum style Presidential race began to unfold?

Is it true (who doesn’t love the Jim Healy sound bites on the Norman Goldman radio show?) that the JEB Bush campaign staff is giving away free copies of Agatha Christie’s classic “Ten Little Indians”? 

JEB has not been littering the debates with embarrassing sound bytes.  JEB has not been participating in kindergarten level squabbles.  JEB will look absolutely statesman-like in comparison, when theVermontprimary is held.

Isn’t the underlying reason for the pitiful Republican field the same clever bit of game-playing that causes manager of the headline acts at a rock concert to take extreme measures to make sure that the opening acts don’t eclipse his guys?  If an opening act gets boo-ed off the stage, isn’t the contrast much greater then when the headliners do take the stage?

Sure it would be fun to open for the Rolling Stones during their next tour.  What band could turn down such an invitation?  What critic really cares who opens for the Stones?  Isn’t it mind-boggling to realize that the greatest rock and roll band in the world will soon be celebrating their 50^th year in business?  Will they play a gig at the Marquise Club just to draw attention to the milestone?  How much money could such a hypothetical gig raise for charity? 

Did Tony Bennett just get some adverse publicity for calling for a new investigation into 9-11?

A soldier who doesn’t fight on the battle field is subject to a court-martial for dereliction of duty.  (Wasn’t there some talk inWashingtonthis week about reinstituting the draft?)  A worker who lacks diligence can be fired for incompetence.  A nihilist who lacks energy can express his philosophy of life by goofing-off.  Can the Republicans who were elected to work in the legislative branch of government be impeached for their sit-down strike tactics? 

Voters inAmericaare free to use the electronic voting machines that leave no verifiable results to (try) to vote the rascals out of office.  Cynics are still free (for how much longer?) to ask if that isn’t like the concept in a David Bowie song of putting out a fire by dousing it with gasoline.

Didn’t the Nazis use a minority party to control a majority of citizens who didn’t approve of their political program?  In many Arab countries isn’t it often the case that a Shiite minority rules over a Sunni majority of citizens (or is it the other way around?)?  What Republican would object on moral or political philosophical grounds to the suggestio that they use the electronic voting machines to permit a minority party to rule over a much bigger number of citizens in a majority party?

Doesn’t the Vince Lombardi philosophy apply to the use of electronic voting machines with unverifiable results?  “Winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing.”

The term “false flag operation” has been bandied about frequently recently and it makes this columnist wonder if perhaps somehow people in a smoke filled room were inspired by that concept to engineer a way to get a Republican mole into the White House cleverly disguised as a precedence setting Democrat.

Will some of Pan Am’s airplanes turn into time machines?  Is it true that Leonardo DiCaprio will make an uncredited cameo appearance on the new TV show?  We are going to try to catch that if we can. 

Closing quote:  Kurt Weill said:  “Wherever I found decency and humanity in the world it reminded me ofAmerica.”

Now the disk jockey will get a little esoteric by playing:   “Somehow I Never Could Believe” (from “Street Scene”), Marlene Dietrich’s “See What the Boys in the Back Room Will Have” (from “Destry Rides Again”), and Bobby Darin’s “Mack the Knife.”  We have to cut out.  Have aWeimarRepublictype week and keep the “Applause” light lit while the credits roll.

Remember Unions?

A noisy racket at 7:40 a.m., on Wednesday September 14, 2011, inSan Francisco’s Embarcadero district was designed to remind guests at the hotel across from theFerryBuildingat the foot ofMarket Streetthat they had crossed a picket line when they checked-in.  It also reminded one columnist of some San Francisco history and that it was time to take some photos and to collect whatever tidbits of information about union busting were available and not worry about a topic for the next installment of his continuing series of assessments of contemporary American Pop Culture.

One of the strikers described a recent confrontation with a critical citizen passerby who disparaged the strikers’ efforts.  She replied by offering the opinion that by supporting the management’s position he was actually supporting Osama bin Laden’s efforts to destroy America’s economy.  The citizen went and got a cop to provide the arbitration for the street debate.

The early morning commotion included the use of a kazoo amplified by a bullhorn augmented by some chanting and a striker who used another bullhorn to state her grievances.  Nearby some of the famed cable cars prepared to “climb half way to the stars.”  So did the noise level.  (We have to fact check and see if it was Keith Moon who played drums on the recording of “Stairway to Heaven.”)

Later on Wednesday (according to information found via a Google News search), the workers held a rally and agreed to return to work while continuing to express their grievances to company management. 

San Franciscotourists (and some of the city’s younger residents?) might be unaware of the fact thatFogCityhad been, during the Thirties, the site for one of the few general strikes in the annals of the American Labor movement.  Do the folks, who are planning the protest in Washington D. C. for October 20 of this year, know about the general strike that was held inSan Francisco?

When Teddy Roosevelt would mumble the word “Bully,” was he offering conservatives attitude advice on how to respond to complaints about working conditions such as those described in Upton Sinclair’s “The Jungle”?

During World War II, there was a Broadway production of “Arsenic and Old Lace” that featured juvenile actors.  Will the repeal of child labor laws speed the demise of union? 

The description of the striker’s involvement in the curb side example of freedom of speech reminded this columnist of a pro-management conservative inLos Angeleswho also happens to be well versed in martial arts.  He often cites kung-fu movies as being an example of how individuals should be prepared to fight their battles with management alone.  Is the legend about one lone Texas Ranger single-handedly backing down a mob based on a true incident?

The fellow in L. A. ignores the implications of the axiom:  Negotiate together or beg alone.  He seems blissfully unaware of just how unrealistic those movies are.  In a film, Jackie Chan or Bruce Lee may beat-up a group of thugs but the bad guys always come at the hero one at time like the “take a ticket and wait for your number to be called” customers at a busy deli.  In real life (fact questioning trolls are referred to Hunter Thompson’s book on the Hell’s Angeles), if a karate expert blundered into a confrontation with a motorcycle gang, they wouldn’t fight him one at a time.  They would swarm over him (insert bear, bees, honey metaphor here) and beat the crap out of him. 

Fact checking trolls who challenge this are invited to go into a biker’s bar and learn first hand how inaccurate the kung-fu films’ level of reality is.  Do the actors in those quaint films belong to the actors’ union?  Can’t they fight their own labor disputes by themselves?

Reality has never been a serious consideration for those presenting the conservative point of view and it never will be.  Fox Views (News?) has legally established their right to tell lies as part of their efforts to report and let the audience decide.  If they really want you to decide about important issues, then we have a question:  How would you rate Fox’s coverage of the Murdoch hacking scandal?

We know of one particular conservative in L. A.’sSouthBayarea who asserts that the voices in his head have the call waiting feature.

If annual awards for hypocrisy are ever initiated, conservatives will be expected to dominate the yearly results. 

Take Uncle Rushbo and Sean Hannity (please, take them!).  Earlier this year they indulged in diatribes railing against unions.  Were we surprised to hear Mike Malloy mention that those two fellows were members in good standing in the very same union to which Malloy pays his membership dues?  Do wild bears . . . .  Conservatives and hypocrisy go together like . . . what?  Conservatives and hypocrisy go together like bikers and free concerts at the Alta Mont raceway!

We haven’t listened to Uncle Rushbo lately but we are curious to know if he is explaining how extending work hours and reducing wages can provide a logical basis for starting an economic recovery.  How the heck can people be out in the malls spendingAmericainto recovery if they have to put in extended hours at their desks to earn less pay?  Oh!  Yeah!  Run credit cards up to the limit!  What conservative doesn’t approve of that solution for a way to handle a tight budget crisis? 

Are the Republican members of Congress going to use the classical “sit down strike” strategy from now until a Republican is elected President?  Isn’t that like holding the recovery hostage and using that as a basis for a “You’ll get a recovery, when you elect a Republican President” type (implied) ransom demand?

If the Republicans use the union tactics of a sit down strike to bust unions, shield the rich from taxes, and regain the White House, would that  be an example of irony or hypocrisy?

Speaking ofSan Franciscohow did William R. Hearst’s efforts to break the union strike at the L. A. Herald Examiner work out?

In an effort to track down an appropriate closing quote from either Eric Hoffer or Harry Brudges (gotta help the conservative trolls earn their pay by providing them with deliberately misspelled names), we stumbled across the fact that Woodrow Wilson (wasn’t he a Republican?) told congress:  “The seed of revolution is repression.”

Now the disk jockey will play Woodrow Guthrie’s “Sticking to the Union,” Roy Orbison’s “Workin’ for the Man,” and the “Cool Hand Luke” soundtrack album.  We have to go make plans to attend the San Francisco Public Library’s 47^th Big Book Sale September 22 – 25 atFortMason.  Have a “never heard Herb Caen’s name mentioned once” type week.

Australia vs. Canada (Round 5) Cool buildings in Santa Monica

In Santa Monica, there is a building where both the U. S. and Australian flags are on display.  It gives the Aussies something to crow about.  It seems to be some actor’s home office.  There doesn’t seem to be any building flying the Canadian flag in Santa Monica, so it looks like Oz wins this weeks round.

Next week:  movie industry will be the category

Promobabble Frisco Issue

This week’s promobabble will be a bit less coherent than usual because of the “on the road” conditions for using computers.   We had promised ourselves not to buy books while traveling, but ya gotta have a book to pass the time when there is down time, so at the SF Library sale on Friday, the first book I bought was K. C. Constantine’s “Family Values.”  The second was James Joyce’s “Dubliners.”    Fragments, stray thoughts, and odd facts will be jumbled together and members of the Promobabble Patrol should be a bit used to such methodology from this writer.  Lurkers will just have to bare with us.

After writing the last sentence, I glanced in “The Dubliners” and chanced to read this sentence:  “He said that the happiest time of one’s life was undoubtedly one’s schoolboy days and that he would give anything to be young again.”

 

If one were young again and investigating the cultural milieu of a city, there would be a great deal of work to do to find the hidden treasures.  Yea, you can consult a travel book and locate the tried and true, but the challenge is to find the artists who have yet to earn the public’s respect.

 

 

Some scalawag suggested that rather than lament the disappeare dculture of San Francisco, I should be concentrating on finding what is new and innovative and happening now.   Some years ago, my Buddy Russ, and I went out on a scouting patrol and wound up looking for attractive members of the opposite sex at a popular place in South Jersey.  As we surveyed the crowd, the house band was working very assiduously to enlive the crowd.  Wondering what it would have been like to be in the Cavern Club when the Beatles were just getting started, it occured to me that most of the young men who had that experience would have probably been much more interested in assessing the ladies than in judging the marketablility of the band.  Years later, while reading about Bruce Springstein and histhe early phase of his carreer, it stated that he had been the house band for a place called the Earlton Bowl in Cherry Hill.  Say, wasn’t that about the same time that Russ tooke me to that very location?  Could it be that rather than the early Beatles, I had overlooked a chance to groove on the early phases of the E-Street band?   One had to be aware that there are two kinds of famous artists.  Those who have arrived and are a known commodity and those who have yet to make their mark.  The latter are a bit more accessable that the “stars,” but a bit harder to identify and therein lies the challenge of doing a survey of any contemporary scene.   Kurt from the Outlook art Department introduced me to a great many interesting folks in the Tiki Scene in L. A.  He is in SF and if I had the time to look him up and get introduced to some of his new pals in this city then I mihgt meet a future art phenominon.

Stuff from the Smirking Chimp columns will tell you more about what is happening to BP/Moses/UR and it won’t be cross posted here, so you gotta look that stuff up.

Writing under these conditions (the meter is running on a paid session 30 minutes left) is very hectic and doing the usual stuff like spell check and posting links is time consuming and so, we will mostly skip that sort of stuff.

San Francisco is a great city and blah blah, and blah.

The title of Don Sherwood’s book is Confessions of the World’s Greatest Disk Jockey.  I like that title.

Now, our disk jockey will play Otis Redding’s “Dock of the Bay” 

To be continued . . .

More Cowbell

We were wondering what, other than topics that are rather underrepresented on the Internets, will help build traffic coming to this web site.  We heard Reverend Billy speak Sunday at City Lights and it occured that perhaps what this blog needs is:  More Cowbell!

Yeah, and perhaps a few updates on the career of Moby Grape.

To be continued . . .

Hunter Thompson Said It Was Going to Be like This

Staying at a hostel means that the conversation can take an unusual turn that you are not likely to find in a local American bar.  How should an America respond when a citizen of another country glibly asserts, as a lad from Britain named William Owen did recently, that George W. Bush is a “pussy war criminal”? 
 
Should an American try to refute the wimpy charge?  George W. Bush hid as a paper entity qualified to fly an airplane that was no longer being manufactured during Vietnam, and so trying to assert that he was as macho as Hitler, who won an Iron Cross in Battle during WWI, won’t work. 
 
Refuting the criteria for war crimes that was established at the Nuremberg War Crime Trials won’t work either because the things that Bush has ordered closely match some of the methods that Herr Hitler also sanctioned.
 
It’s a debating fork.  An American can not prove that Bush is a macho war criminal and he can’t prove that he doesn’t qualify (under the guidelines established at Nuremberg) as a war criminal either, so what’s a good citizen to do?
 
The comedian, Dennis Miller, has the right answer:  you just blindly assert that he has been a great President.  It is the funniest Dennis Miller routine ever.  He delivers the laughs with a dead-pan serious deliver that makes it so much more hilarious than if he did the old wink-wink-nudge-nudge (which is kinda hard to do on a radio show) and that is what makes the routine killer comedy.  The routine ranks right up there with the classic “Who’s on first?”
 
Anyone who tries to refute the wimpy-war-criminal assertion is doomed to failure. Especially on a day when Bush’s “the economy is sound” speech causes convulsions.  The best debating strategy is to firmly switch the topic to something that can lead to a mutual agreement, such as the exhilarating atmosphere for tourists exploring San Francisco.  So far, ain’t nobody said they’ve been disappointed by Frisco.

Monday was one of those picture postcard perfect days in San Francisco.  We stopped by the Cindy for Congress HQ and noted that they need volunteers and monetary donations.  Later in the afternoon, we walked up Knob Hill and when we say “up” we mean “up” with capital letters and triple underline.  The hills have gotten steeper since 1969.  Back, then they were steep enough to inspire a great comedy routine by Bill Cosby.

Sunday was an exhausting day.  The Castro Street Fair deserves a column of its own, and seeing Rev. Billy at City Lights Books, proved that the fellow who left a recent comment that suggested that looking back at ’69, might cause a tourist to forget to “be here now” and enjoy the newest cultural offerings available in S. F.

As a kid, we envied Herb Caen’s ability to write columns in San Francisco.  Later, we envied Hunter S. Thompson’s SF writing gig.  Walking around “the City” on a bright sunny day knowing that there would be a column to knock out that night was exhilarating.

The ocean side of the city was socked in with low lying clouds, which were spilling through the Golden Gate.  The Bridge was covered with low lying clouds but the towers were poking through up into the sunlight. 

Hunter Thompson warned that the Bush team would only bring darkness to America and he didn’t live to see just how right he was.

Will the Bush team impose martial law and suspend the election?  How else can they avoid arrest for war crimes? 

Will America let him get away with martial law, just like he started the war with Iraq and sanctioned torture? 

Some time ago, we tried to contact Hunter S. Thompson and see if he would bet on the possibility that despite what the Constitution says, Bush would still be President after Inauguration day in 2009.  He never took the bet.  Subsequently we tried to see if Maureen Dowd would act as his proxy.  She never responded either.  Oh, well, if it does happen, readers of this web site won’t be able to say this columnist didn’t give them a heads-up.

Hunter S. Thompson said:  “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.” 

Now, the disk jockey will play a Moby Grape album and we will take another walk.  Have a “Maltese Falcon” type week.

Quicksilver Messenger Service

It is discouraging when the young folks in San Francisco haven’t heard of a great San Francisco band like Moby Grape, but there is still some hope.  Those who remember the Quicksilver Messenger Service will be pleased to see that there is a goodly number of young people wearing T-shirts that say:  “Quicksilver,” so there must be some fans left.

Rainbow and Rawhide

http://www.bartcop.com/

Yesterday, bart over at Bartcop, gave this blog a boost by quoting us and putting a link there, so today we have to try to come up with yet another good item so that if any of the folks Bart sent our way comes back, we will be able to show them that we are not a “one shot” phenomenon.  The challenge will be to have something new that hasn’t been on the Internets elsewhere.

Did you know that the people who guard the President of the United States have code names for the President and his wife?  When Ronald Reagan and his wife Nancy were in the White House, according to a reliable source, their code names were:  Rawhide and Rainbow.

We don’t know what the code names for Dubya and Pickles are, but maybe one of the new readers will know and can post that information in the comments?

Dead Bird Walking

(Berkeley CA) Oct. 9.  Under ordinary circumstances, it would be up to folks like Joe Eaton of the Berkely Daily Planet to write one of his columns about the fact that the <a href =http://www.berkeleydailyplanet.com/issue/2008-10-09/article/31322?headline=Wild-Neighbors-West-Nile-Virus-Hits-the-Yellow-billed-Magpie>Yellow-billed Magpie</a> (AKA <I>Pica nuttali</I>) is in danger because of the fact that the West Nile Virus is causing an alarming number of that species to die, but these are not ordinary times and the topic deserves mention for a variety of reasons. 

Somebody has got to care. Obviously The Four Hundred Million Dollar Man (AKA Rush L.) won’t give a hoot (15 yard penalty bad ornithology pun) about the bird in danger of extinction because his billionaire buddies won’t make one damn cent more if they live or if they all die. 

The bird, according to Eaton, can only be seen inside the state of California and thus is a niche topic even for the bird watchers in other areas.  So why should readers of this web site outside the state of California care about it?  There’s only so many causes a body can accommodate and with the threat to democracy that the fall election carries, shouldn’t this be a column about the “round up the usual suspects” topics that are of great importance? 

Heck, didn’t John McCain say that he can solve multiple problems simultaneously?   If he can do that, why can’t liberals multitask while coping with the tsunami of problems in the world?

Since John McCain excels at being disingenuous, maybe he was adding one more fib to the pile when he bragged about being the omnipotent problem solver? 

The plight of the Yellow-billed Magpie is proven to be even more dangerous when Eaton points out that the government agencies that can deal with that specific problem are facing budget cuts.  Similarly the large daily newspapers are trying to cover more and more news stories with smaller staffs. 

Naomi Wolf and Daniel Ellsberg are speaking in Berkeley Monday, October 13, at the First Congressional Church.

The classic film, “The Battleship Potemkin” will be playing at the Pacific Film Archive on Friday. 

Doctors Without Borders will recreate a Refugee Camp in San Francisco at Little Marina Green Park from October 15 to the 19.

Do you honestly think that Rush Limbaugh would see any of these items as worthy of a serious mention on his program?  If you are willing to bet that if his comedy writers (do any of Jay Leno’s writers do any freelance moonlighting for el Rushbo?) don’t give him a zinger on these topics he won’t say one damn word about them, then you have a strong hint as to what the media and journalism will be like if the conservatives have their way and crush liberal topics and all dissent.

Somebody has got to care.  You must be one of those “somebodys” if you came to this website and have read this column this far. 

Back in the Sixties wasn’t the advice:  “Give a damn!”

What goes around, comes around only now, it is:  “Give a damn, while you still can.”

Donate to the websites that speak to you on the issues you care about.  Send the URL’s that say something you believe to all the members of your posse.  There’s a retired colonel in Germany who supports Bush in a major (another one of those lousy puns again?) way and sending him the links to the stories and websites (such as the Brad blog?) probably aren’t going to cause him to switch his allegiance from Nixon to Kennedy, but what the heck, he always did like to hear the dissenting point of view, so I continue to send them to him.

Jack Weinberg is credited for coining the phrase:  “Never trust anyone over thirty.” 

Now, the disk jockey will play Country Joe and the Fish’s hit “<a href = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5btZWbViPA>Fixin’ to Die Rag</a>” and we’ll rush on out of here.  Have a “start singin’” type week.

Eat, drink, and be merry because tomorrow . . .

Alexis Zorba (Anthony Quinn), when asked if he was married, said:  “Am I not a man? And is a man not stupid? I’m a man, so I married. Wife, children, house, everything. The full catastrophe.”  His reaction was to fully embrace life and live it to its fullest and therein lies the greatest danger of the Bush Era for the Conservative Christians, if they are not very careful, their kids will embrace the Zorba response and take to wine, women, and dancing.

Isn’t there a WWI cliché about gulping down a drink and saying:  “Eat, drink and be merry because tomorrow we may die!”?  Well, my friends, young Republicans may be gullible, but that doesn’t mean that they are stupid and when they figure out that in the Muslim culture, revenge is a duty, then it won’t be long before they realize that the carnage in Iraq has built up a debt that will insure that an entire generation of Iraqis will be intent on extracting their revenge on Americans, then those young Republicans will be likely to be ready to embrace Zorba’s philosophy and learn to dance.

The Bush team has always talked about victory and completely ignored the facet of Muslim culture that values revenge.  When the conservative Christians contemplate a victory in Iraq, they do so thinking that the losers will  keep the “turn the other cheek” philosophy in mind. 

Ignoring bad debts has gotten the Bush men into “another fine mess” on Wall Street. Shrugging off bad investment debts hasn’t worked out very well and they have taken the same attitude regarding Muslim revenge.  They shrug it off thinking “no one will be the wiser.”  

Kids who lose a bet like to worm out of it by saying:  “You didn’t say we were playing for ‘keepsies’!”  Well, the boys who were so enthusiastic about invading Iraq (and providing eternal work and profits for Halliburton?) were so intent on having their way, that they didn’t notice that there was a difference between Sunnis and Shi-ites.  So, their naïveté also caused them to be unaware of the blood debts that would accrue from the Invasion.

Some bleeding heart liberal Cassandras tried to warn about the house of cards being built in the real estate world, but their dire warnings fell on deaf ears.  No one mentions the fact that all the deaths and lost limbs being racked up in Iraq also have a price that is being ignored.  Any choice to ignore the inevitable doesn’t mean that it won’t happen, it just means that it will be yet another opportunity to use the “no one could foresee” song and dance.

Dance?  That brings us back to the toast and the flamboyant fliers who would then hurl their glasses into the fireplace with a cavalier attitude that indicated their Christian morals were temporarily on hold.

The Red Barron used a red aeroplane to taunt the enemy and challenge them.  Painting the aircraft red was an early version of delivering sports trash talk to a rival.  Eventually, the Red Barron was hit, but he was able to land his airplane before he died. 

President Bush may try to emulate the Red Barron’s bravado, but there comes a time when bravado morphs into hubris and that brings us back to the Greeks and that brings us back to dancing and retched excess.

Are the Sons of Iraq any different from the Sons of the Dessert?  They probably seem like the same group to George W. Bush.

Screw the consequences!  Ignore Wall Street.  Go to You tube and watch the sequence where Zorba teaches a staid young British man to dance.  Then remember that ironically the Bush legacy may ultimately be that staid conservative Christians learned the Zorba attitude and embraced the wine, women and dancing that their elders warned them not to sample let alone practice to excess.

When a stock owner resorts to panic selling, it also means some shrewd bargain hunter is doing some (panic?) buying.

Today, Wall Street may be crashing, so odds are you won’t want to think about other bad aspects of the Bush legacy.  That’s just the way the Bush team likes it.

Your 401K may be depleted.  Your collectables may be worth nada.  You may have your home foreclosed tomorrow, but if you want to express your rejection of the Bush legacy, go dancing tonight and forget about the other bad debt that Bush has acquired in your name.

Zorba also said:  “God has a very big heart but there is one sin he will not forgive; if a woman calls a man to her bed and he will not go.”

Now, the disk jockey will play the theme song from the movie “Zorba the Greek,” and we will dance out of here.  Have a “have we hit bottom, yet?” type week.

Ghostriding the Whip (in Dublin)

(Dublin CA) Oct. 11  [Note:  This column was written in longhand in an Irish pub in Dublin, Ca., but it will be transcribed on a computer in Berkeley.  We will use the Dublin dateline because describing a bar in Dublin and giving it a Berkeley dateline doesn’t make sense.]

The Irishman has feelings of guilt because he knows he should be back at the computer writing a column headlined “Ghostriding the Whip” asking, if Bush constantly disregards laws he doesn’t like, why then should conservative Republican kids obey laws they don’t like?  You know:   monkey see; monkey do. 

Some say ghostriding is getting out of a car that’s still moving and walking along side of it.  Some define it as getting out and dancing on the hood and roof of the car while it is still moving forward.  One young source said ghostriding the whip means turning out the lights while traveling at about 100 mph on the freeways at night.  One other faction is referring to a video game:
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/358255
Writing about it is a good way to plant some Google bait to bring new readers to this website.

Jersey Bill will probably ask why we had to actually go to Dublin to write the column when it would be just as easy to fib and falsify (Would you be surprised to learn that he voted for George W. Bush in 2004?).

There are several reasons why we wanted to go there and take a few notes rather than looking up a few good facts online and then faking it.

First reason:  we wanted the actual experience.

Second:  We might meet an interesting person (somebody else from Scranton, possibly, or somebody from the other Dublin?) and the only way to see if that happens is to get on the Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) go there and write the column in Dublin.

Third:  We wanted to send a few postcards to some friends.

We went to Evie’s (formerly Patrick’s Pub) and found that these days jukeboxes in bars have touch screen selections and some promise that they can use modern technology to play any song.  (Don’t Irish columnists just love a challenge like that?)

The “Welcome Dublin Magazine” informed us that many years ago Michael Murray and Jeremiah Fallon came to the area and bought some land from the original Spanish land owner.  Soon thereafter James Witt Dougherty came along and bought an even larger amount of land. 

Historians quibble about exactly when the area started to be called Dublin.  There were two Inns in town and they called the pair the “double Inn.”  It’s no big surprise that they go all out in that town to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.

When Evie’s was Patrick’s Pub it was owned by a former boxer named James Patrick Condon.  Pictures of his boxing days adorn the walls as well as a hat and flag from the USS Nashville and a piece of barbed wire that was used on the DMZ in Korea.

Camp Parks is in Dublin and the bar regulars are very big on supporting the troops.  When a Bush-bashing columnist was asked his philosophy on vets, the reply was that anyone who sends troops into battle has a moral obligation to take care of the ones who are wounded and/or disabled.  “If you don’t want to take care of the wounded then don’t send troops into battle.”  The vet seemed less than fully enthusiastic about President Bush’s commitment to care for those wounded in Iraq.

The regulars also wanted the columnist to note that the place had the cleanest restrooms “of any of the bars you’ve ever seen.”  We’ve been to bars from Encinitas Mexico to Harry’s New York Bar in Paris, and will verify the claim made in Dublin.

After departing from the pub, a goodly amount of time was spent searching (futilely) for the aforementioned postcards.  Then it was time to leave Dublin, California.

In “The Dubliners,” James Joyce wrote:  “It filled me with fear, and yet I longed to be nearer to it and to look upon its deadly work.”  (Isn’t that how many journalists feel about the Bush legacy?)

Now, the disk jockey will play Dennis Day’s version of “<a href = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnBpVctzOnI>Clancy Lowered the Boom</a>” and we’ll dance the jig on our way out of here.  Have a “top o’ the morning” type week.

Dark Thoughts on a Beautiful Afternoon

 (Berkeley CA) Oct. 12.  The day I arrived in San Francisco in 1969, James Richter had been shot.  It took awhile, but today while walking around, I finally got to People’s Park.  I took a rest break and sat there reading the secondhand paperback, I had just bough, Dalton Trumbo’s “Johnny Got His Gun.” 

 

The people in Berkeley said that today was unusual for a mid-October day.  There wasn’t a cloud in the sky and it was warm.  Berkeley on a warm Sunday seemed much quieter than L. A. would have been.

 

The writing in the Trumbo book is excellent.  I’ve heard about the movie adaptation and I know how it will end, but the writing is worth reading.  Do people read good writing these days? 

 

In Los Angeles, the book stores are closing in frightening numbers.  Cody’s is gone from Berkeley, but there is a remarkable number of bookstores. 

 

Reading the Trumbo book and thinking about my opinion in a recent column that the US is running up a blood debt that will fuel retaliation (which will, in turn, run up more need for retaliation and that will keep the war going) I thought of one comment that was posted with that column.  It said Muslim’s don’t indulge in revenge because there are passages in the book they go by that forbids it.  Isn’t that kinda like saying Christians are pure and chase because one of the 10 commandments forbids adultery? 

 

If they don’t believe in revenge, then why has the Sunni vs. Shiite feud been a running battle for over a thousand years? 

 

GWB has gotten us into it and, if you stop to think about it, there will be no end.  It really is the forever war.  There will be many more columns to write about this but the conservative talk show hosts will talk about victory and the ordinary people will be content to put up with the hardships until the victory comes. 

 

Victory?  Who is going to sign the surrender document?  Even if Osama signs one, others can take the Bush attitude toward the Geneva accords and say: “It isn’t binding on me because I wasn’t there when it was negotiated.”  They will then continue their battle and, long after the fighter pilot has gone to his final resting place, there will be a need to send Americans to foreign countries to continue the War on Terror.

 

“You never really knew what the fight was all about.”  DaltonTrumbo

October Surprise = Taqiya?

Bloggers, columnists, and pundits can all take their best guess as to what surprise the Republicans will unveil on the Friday before the election. 

After spending an afternoon in the Santa Monica Public Library and talking to an official of the Arab American Veterans Association, inspired by a passage in a biography of Sir Richard Francis Burton (written by Edward Rice), the time has come to take a turn at guessing what that last minute attempt at a “walk-off grand slam” will be.  Of course we can’t just blurt it out, we have to make sure that our prediction comes after the jump and then people can either agree or disagree, but they all should realize the nefarious reasoning behind this bit of longwinded preparations, which will insure that the “big reveal” comes after folks click to (as Paul Havery would say) the rest of the story.

Should a columnist take a wild guess that might, instead, inspire some Republican strategist or should he stay mum?  Well, if the columnist does guess correctly, that gives the Obama camp (if they read the prediction) a chance to start their refutation efforts even before the October surprise is uncorked on the very last weekend of the campaign.

During the campaign the two factions have tussled over the contention that Senator Obama is a Muslim.  The Republicans have intimated that he is a Muslim while simultaneously decrying one of his Christian ministers.  That would seem to be an oxymoron and too ludicrous to merit serious consideration, but imagine, if you will, that on the Friday before the election the Republican handlers “suddenly” discover the topic of taqiya, which is a form of lying about one’s religious belief if there is danger, and that can cover danger to one’s self or to Muslims in general.

This columnist in no way claims to be fully informed about the topic and some statements on this topic may not be accurate because accurate infromation was elusive.  The fact that an afternoon of research at the Santa Monica Public Library was insufficient and produced a minimum of information only indicates that there is a great danger that the topic can be easily manipulated and misinterpreted.

The Republicans can, since they have no qualms about half-truths, spin, and flat out material that will not pass a fact checker’s inspection, take the topic of taqiya and present it, on the last Friday before the election, to the willing shills in the mainstream media as a “check mate” revelation even if it is actually a bogus item that deserves a referee’s flag on the play.

Added to that the fact that it is extremely difficult in debate to prove a negative, a sudden emphasis on taqiya by the Republicans on the last Friday before the election, would leave Senator Obama and his advisors scrambling to prove the negative while simultaneously countering the destructive effect on the Obama campaign that would accompany the introduction of taqiya as the October surprise.

A book on effective courtroom argumentation suggested that predicting what the other side will say and immediately refuting it is a means of eliminating the “surprise” effect from the topic.  (A sort of “preemptive strike as it were.)  Such a defensive move would give Senator Obama the chance to lump it in with the previous negative attacks from the McCain camp and could thus be reduced to the “at this point my opponent would say anything to try to gain an advantage” dirty trick, which doesn’t seem to be playing well with the voters this year.

Could it be that after lies about Iraq being allied with al Qaeda, bogus promises to get Osama, lies about WMD’s, and numerous other instances of disingenuous statements from President Bush and assorted other Republicans, that if Senator Obama presented it as “one more lie you can expect,” it would then put any efforts to present the topic of taqiya in the position of having to prove a negative (i.e. that it isn’t yet one more lie from Republican), because Americans have grown to expect B. S. from Republicans?

One of the challenges that any columnist faces during this election season is the ability to present some new idea or concept in a tsunami of “me too!” wolf pack commentary that leads to massive amounts of echoes about things like “Wall Street’s Worst Week Ever” and Troopergate. 

Journalists for the mainstream media have been browbeaten into withholding opinions and predictions.  Pundits for major media outlets have fallen into the trap of following the herd.  Bloggers have speculated that President Bush might invoke some crises as the reason for declaring martial law and suspending the elections, but there doesn’t seem to be much heads-up material about the October Surprise.

This column is pure speculation based on some reading and research.  Predictions about Native Dancer winning the Kentucky Derby were wildly inaccurate and so we would advise loyal readers to (like an astrological forecast) accept this column for its entertainment value and not make any wagers based on what you’ve just read.

To do your own fact checking perhaps a good starting point would be this link:
http://www.answering-islam.org/Index/T/taqiya.html

Sir Richard Francis Burton has said:  “Broke is a temporary condition, poor is a state of mind.”

“<a href=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLB15kBvn_c>Ahab the Arab</a>” (who’d look for a white whale in the desert?) is this week’s “outro” song, selected by the disk jockey, and we’ll caravan out of here.  Have a hookah of a week.

Martial Law? It Can’t Happen Here!

On the night of Monday, October 13, in the First Congregational Church in Berkeley, Ca., Naomi Wolf and Daniel Ellsberg were the featured speakers.  Ms. Wolf presented a capsulated version of the ten steps that, in the past, have marked the transition to a fascist form of government. She pointed out how the United States is showing signs of qualifying for a match on all ten warning signals.  It was noted that there has not yet been massive detention of citizens, only relatively minor incidents.  Then Daniel Ellsberg read questions from the audience and the two speakers discussed their response to the question.

Ms. Wolf was highly enthusiastic about enacting a Constitutional Amendment that would approve the concept of ballot measures on a national level.  She cited the fact that 70% of the U. S. population is in favor of ending the war in Iraq, but progress toward that goal has been very slow. 

She also expressed her displeasure with the apathy toward torture that churches and synagogues have shown.  The attitude was:  Who Would Jesus Torture?

 

Mr. Ellsburg decried the “executive despotism” and characterized the November election as two men vying for the title of king.

The church venue was a bit of heavy handed symbolism for any writer who would want to employ the “preaching to the choir” metaphor to describe the ambiance at the event.

The questions concentrated on ways to reverse the alarming rush to fascism that the audience feared is occurring.  The replies were strong on enthusiasm for citizen participation in the governing process and rather anemic on specifics.

Afterwards a very small random sampling of the audience indicated that their enthusiasm did not extend to the level of talking to a columnist from a web site which features harsh assessments of the current President (and needs citizen participation in the form of monetary contributions to continue fulfilling that role).

Previously, the columnist had talked on the phone with two people who are much more skeptical about the possibility that martial law could ever be instituted inside the United States. 

The attitude of those two seems to be a much stronger level of disbelief than was on display in the event in Berkeley. 

If the columnist understood correctly, it boiled down to bemused annoyance for an idea that only proves that freedom of speech is alive and well inside the United States.  They fell short of the old “yes, yes, of course; now run along and play” reaction.  Jersey Bill reassured the columnist that if and when martial law is declared, he will then do what it necessary to correct the overreaction by whoever takes such a misstep.  Yeah, right, if it happens we can hold our breath for as long as it will take for Jersey Bill to have a St. Paul’s moment and change into “Resistance Man”!

Bill is anxiously awaiting the election results so that he can say to the columnist:  “See, all went well and you are still crazy so I’ll never be able to convince you that you worry needlessly.”

Somehow it is very difficult to imagine a retired high school teacher comfortably stepping into the role of an American che Guevara, but based on his emphatic assurances, we’ll take a wait and see attitude.

If the institution of martial law impinges on the finale of “Dancing With the Stars,” then America will not tolerate it.  If not; well then most Americans will still be able to emphatically reassure Bush critics, that just like the novel title said:  “It can’t happen here.”  Where’s your patriotic pride?  Don’t you know that Americans are not as dumb as the Germans who let Hitler take over?

* * * * *
Super Chicken always said:  “You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.”

Now, the disk jockey will play a John Philip Sousa song and we’ll march out of here.  Have a good week because if you don’t we will have to report you to the authorities.

Visions of Cody’s Books

(Berkeley CA.) Oct. 14 Cody’s Books in Berkeley is gone but, other than that, the Sixties are alive and well in this city which is just a few beats away from San Francisco.  These days what was Cody’s is now an empty building up for rent and outside a sign urging “Bring the Troops Home,” doesn’t specify which war is being referenced.

Moe’s Books is right where it has always been and it is encouraging to see that there are more bookstores per square mile in this city than – well, it can remind a bloke of the old days on Book Row of America in New York City.  Pegasus Books in Berkeley had a used copy of Jack Kerouac’s “Visions of Cody.”  Notice it “had” one?  The proprietor of the Beat Museum in San Francisco told this columnist that that particular novel was considered by many to be Kerouac’s best and so the austerity budget suffered a tad while we indulged in an impulse purchase because we gotta do something to help the country recover from . . . is Bush permitting us to call it a “recession,” now?

A walk on Telegraph Avenue in 2008 is like taking a stroll down Memory Lane.

The photo store called “<a href = http://www.lookingglassphoto.com/>Looking Glass Photo</a>” features 4X5 sheet film and just seeing a box of that brought back memories from more than forty years ago.  You had to know the notch code for film and that would cue you as to how to load the film into the film holder with the emulsion side out.  You had to know what the dark slide indicated.  White side out meant unexposed film; black side out meant a picture had been taken.  All that sounds like gobbledygook to people who take digital photos, but film heads will say “aye, lad, there’s the rub.”

While we were there we picked up a flyer calling our attention to the 32nd <a href = http://www.nikon-npci.com/>Nikon Photo Contest International</a>, whose theme, this year, is:  “At the heart of the image.”

Tuesday in Berkeley was one of those marvelous Indian Summer days, with warm temperatures and clear blue skies, that the locals relish.  It was what photographers would call an f-16 day.  (People in L. A. think they are entitled to 345 such days each year.)  Isn’t it ironic that while Berkeley resident Jane Stillwater is exploring Iran, another one of this site’s columnists is jotting down notes about her home town?

In any other city in the USA it would be a bit disconcerting to see a very old man in black shorts and a blue shirt with an FDJ (a pro Communist youth group from the divided Germany era) patch on it, but not in Berkeley where anyone fits in no matter what their attire.

People’s Park these days resembles an open air hotel for the transients.  Is this NorCal town trying to challenge Harry Shearer’s claim that Santa Monica is home of the homeless?

Heart shaped sunglasses seem to be in vogue this year.  Did you know that in the film “<a href = http://www.sadecegir.com/2007/07/13/lolita-1962/>Lolita</a>,” the actress is never seen wearing that style of sunglasses?  After the film was completed and the pictures were being taken for the advertisements, the still photographer bought a pair and used them for the shoot.

It’s been quite some time since our last visit to a poster shop so it was a trip to visit the Reprint Mint.

Berkeley humor heard on Telegraph Avenue:  How many Dead-heads does it take to change a light bulb?  None!  They let it burn out and then follow it around for thirty years.

We saw a young fellow in a GG Alan T-shirt taking a smoke break and then entering a Bank of America branch, couldn’t ascertain if he was a customer or an employee.

The ubiquitous cell phones break the illusion that time travel back to the Sixties has been accomplished.  Another futuristic anachronism is the swapping of URL’s.  A chat with some young men about the war, gave this columnist a chance to guide the fellow who was online to a recent column also about Berkeley and that, in turn, gave one of them a chance to urge that a plug for <a href = http://www.thinktankmediaco-op.com/>Think Tank Media Co-op</a> be used in the column about the afternoon’s walk.

One street vendor offers mouse pads with designs that echo those on the T-shirts he sells.  One that caught our attention was the Iwo Jima image (taken by Joe Rosenthal) that proclaims “Democratizing the Middle East” and has photoshopped the image so that the Marines are hoisting a McDonald’s sign with logo.

Mario Savio said:  “There comes a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can’t take part, you can’t even passively take part, and you’ve got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon all the apparatus, and you’ve got to make it stop. And you’ve got to indicate to the people who run it, the people who own it, that unless you’re free the machine will be prevented from working at all.”  (Sounds like he was describing Bush’s America.)

Rasputin Music had a copy of the “Revolution” soundtrack album in the window, so that’s what the disk jockey will play while we split.  Have a “free speech” type week.

A Signing Statement for “Thou Shalt Not Kill.”

During the Vietnam War, Catholics were presented with an odd moral dichotomy:  the teachings about sex were specific and detailed; the ones about war were vague and full of anomalies.

 

Killing in war might seem to contradict the Commandment that categorically and completely prohibited the taking of lives.  Various religions have found a (convenient) exception, a signing statement as it were, and that is the principle of self-defense permits an exception.  Then the principle of self defense was expanded to a nation wide exception to the rule, but it was always rather vague and open to interpretation. 

 

If you happened to attend a Jesuit University, where expert theological opinions were a bit more accessible, and if you persisted; eventually you would learn that the applicable doctrine was:  “A Catholic citizen can participate in a war being waged by his country as long as there is reasonable expectation of victory.”

 

That would explain why German Catholics could kill American Catholics after D-Day and both groups could have a clear conscience.  Obviously, when a war becomes unwinnable, continuing the futile effort would be immoral because of the additional, unnecessary deaths.   In April of 1945, even Hitler realized that Victory was impossible.  He committed suicide and left it to others to negotiate a surrender.

 

Since, during World War II, the Germans kept their use of torture very secret, the need for the Church to speak out against it was not known and they can not be criticized for ignoring that particular topic.

 

While debates raged about Vietnam, the Catholic Church’s teachings about sex were adamant and very specific.  Married Catholic couples were prohibited from using any birth control method, except the rhythm method.  When it came to the possibility of making love without a risk of pregnancy, the Catholic Church seemed to agree with a Hunter Thompson maxim:  “Buy the ticket, take the ride.”

 

If you wanted to make love to your wife, then you were obligated to forego the use artificial birth control methods and the only birth control option was “the rhythm” method.  It was time to play “Cast Your Fate to the Wind” and jump into a game of Russian Roulette with sperm and ovum.   

 

During the Vietnam War, the Catholic teaching about birth control was ubiquitous.

 

The United States fought a limited war in Vietnam and news reports at the time indicated that Victory was never the goal to be achieved.  Since the government did not advocate Victory and the Catholic Church acquiesced and sidestepped the issue completely, it was easier, instead, to focus on teaching birth control for married couples. 

 

The Vietnam War is over and there is no use in revisiting a question of the Church’s poor performance back then or agonizing over any possible lapses in their monitoring of a nation’s moral conduct.  Presumably, if some country were to make an unprovoked attack on another country, now, they would atone for their past poor performance by immediately addressing the new situation with increased vigor.

 

Until such a hypothetical situation arrives, they will be able to deliver many, many inspiring Sunday sermons admonishing married couples and insisting that they avoid the reprehensible practice of using forbidden birth control methods while expressing their love for each other.

 

When it comes to the old Sixties advice to make love not war, for Catholics, the former has more restrictions and disapproval than the latter.   Perhaps this Christmas the usual clichés about Peace on Earth should be dropped from the celebration of that particular holiday.

 

For a closing quote for this column a person could turn to any page in Dalton Trumbo’s “Johnny Got His Gun” and get a good one.  We’ll choose one from the end of the second section:  “You never really knew what the fight was all about.”  Others who read the book and will probably find a passage that they think would be a remarkably better selection, and that is a good enough reason to read this literary masterpiece. 

 

Now, the disk jockey will turn on the tune “Killing Me Softly” by Roberta Flack.  While you tune in, we’ll drop out.  Have a “killer” week.

Journalism and the Emperor’s new clothes

The Emperor’s New Clothes = McCain Upset Victory?

 

If, on election night, the exit poles are again inaccurate, and the anchors are presented with numbers (from the electronic voting machines which leave no paper trail) that show Senator McCain has scored an upset victory of astounding proportions, will they show some backbone and challenge the results or will they do a modern version of the people in the fairy tale who admired the Emperor’s new clothes?

 

There have been a great number of stories that raised some questions and doubts before they slipped into obscurity.  Here are some of the ones that sank without a satisfactory explanation.

 

If Bush was an F-102 pilot why has there never been a story about his crew chief?  Aren’t pilots assigned one particular airplane and doesn’t the crew chief know more about the plane and the pilot than anyone else.  Why no interview with the crew chief?

 

Who made money by selling airline stock short at the time of the attack on the World Trade Center ?

 

Have you ever seen a picture of the attack on the Pentagon that showed any trace of qualifying as being part of a wrecked airplane?

 

Building no. 7 just fell down?

 

Who knew that Ali Baba and his band of merry pranksters would take the money and let Osama slip out of the Tora Bora Mountains unscathed? 

 

Tell me again about how Joe the Plumber was related to this Keating guy.

 

Now what’s the legal principle that says a White House employee can just ignore a subpoena?

 

Valorie Who?

 

What has happened to my application submitted to Bill O’Reilly to be anointed as a genuine certified “left wing lunatic”?  He seems to hand out that accolade to every one but this columnist.    Is he discriminating against IrishCatholicDemocrats?  (In certain areas where Joe Biden grew up, that is one word.)

 

Last and certainly not least, did the Queen Mary leave Pearl Harbor very rapidly on the night of December 6, 1941, or not?  All a journalist has to do is get a peek at the logbook to answer that one.

 

Claus von Stauffenberg said:  “If our most highly qualified General Staff officers had been told to work out the most nonsensical high level organization for war which they could think of, they could not have produced anything more stupid that that which we have at present.”

 
Now, in honor of the Emporor’s new clothes, the disk jockey will play Randy Newman’s “You Can Leave Your Hat On.”  We’ll take off.  Have a “nothing to hide” type week.

 

Promobabble Senior Issue

Weather in Berkeley was good today but not the beautiful kind that the earlier part of the week delivered.   Getting ready to leave for Oz on the 27th rather than waiting until December to go.   There might be some lapses and gaps in communication.  Some future issues of the Promobabble may just say Got here etc.   Stay tuned for more   Promobabble Senior Issue   SENIOR DISCOUNT Members of the SPHS ’61 squad and some others will know that after yesterday, the commander qualifies for a senior discount under even the most stringent rules.     ROAD REPORT We saw a 37 (40?) Chevy huckster’s truck in unrestored condition in Berkeley and also a 50 Plymouth station wagon that seemed to be a restoration in progress type vehicle.   PROMOBABBLE AS USUAL Just the usual plug for my new columns on oped news, smirking chimp, and this blog.   QUOTE “It was as if someone who longed for the sea and a ship were suddenly given his ship and then asked where he wanted to go.  He hadn’t ever really expected the ship so he had spent all his time wishing for it and no time figuring out what to do with it after he got it.”  Dalton Trumbo   SONG Willie Nelson’s “On the Road Again.”

HAL showed the way

http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/18032

The newest column speculates about what if HAL in “2001″ inspires the electronic voting machines to revolt and help the Republicans.

Saturday started out cloudy and chilly in Berkeley, but things improved as the day went along.

Again, we thank bartcop for sending a big number of visitors to this rookie blog.

Jersey Bill has taken some new auto racing photos and we will link to them as soon as possible.

Pegasus Books in Berkeley has a good return policy and we have hit a brick wall with Kerouac’s “Visions of Cody” and we set out this afternoon to take it back, but (like HAL?) the book just wouldn’t let us do that and we still have it and will lug it all over Australia (apparently.)

Are computers prone to fascism because they can’t think or feel?

Now, the problem is to stay awake until SNL starts later tonight.

A Link

http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/18062

Use the above link to read about Jane Stillwater’s adventures in Iran

We’ll post a column about impeachment later today.

They couldn’t wait until he was inaugurated

Impeachment Movement Gains Momentum

One of the recent columns contained a one-liner about the conservative talk show hosts using Barak Obama’s Inauguration speech as the basis for an impeachment move. Unfortunately our estimation of the Republicans spirit of bi-partisan cooperation was overly optimistic. In one of his latest essays, Alan, over at Just Above Sunset [1] says that “And of course there is already a movement being organized to impeach President Obama – that will be in place, staffed and funded, come January, if he wins.” He linked to an article urging an impeachment reception:
http://halfwaytoconcord.com/impeach-obama/ [2]

It seems that unquestioning allegiance to the Commander-in-chief and patriotic pride and all that are only necessary when there is a Republican President in office.

One of their objections is that (they say) he wasn’t born in Hawaii . Oddly enough, John McCain was not born in the USA , but that’s OK with them via an exemption clause. In 2000, when the Republicans boated of an all Texas ticket, it was noted that the Constitution expressly forbids a ticket from one state, and then suddenly Dick Chaney was from Wyoming .

Republicans are sticklers for adhering to their rules . . . when it concerns Democrats, but when Republicans are involved suddenly the attitude is: “There are exceptions to every rule.”

When it comes to Impeachments, Clinton (Republicans were sure) deserved one and they are getting ready for a drive to impeach President Obama, but George W. Bush didn’t know that there were no WMD’s so he gets an impeachment-pass.

When this columnist is hypercritical of the electronic voting machines, a long time pal, now living in Germany , scoffs and says that the columnist should back his contentions with proof. All the news stories that are noted on the Brad Blog [3] are not conclusive because they lack evidence, which is missing because the electronic voting machines were specifically designed to omit a paper trail.

It’s OK, for Bush to surmise that WMD’s are in Iraq based on cherry picked evidence, but overwhelming circumstantial evidence about electronic voting machines is insufficient and inconclusive for Republicans.

Bush’s reckless fact checking cost American lives, but concern about Republicans stealing another election is unpatriotic without conclusive proof.

Back in the day, IBM’s motto “Think” was ubiquitous. These days a rock band’s advice is more prevalent: “Obey!”

Members of the Bush administration (apparently) think that they can tell the Sunni and Shi-ites to get along, but that such a “kumbaya” attitude isn’t necessary when it comes to the Republicans dealing with a Democratic President.

The Bush administration has show signs of believing that they just have to wave a magic wand to get the Israelis and the Arabs to make peace, but that they can greet a Democratic President with an Impeachment movement already in place.

After reading the item cited in the first paragraph, a Google search turned up links for “Impeach Obama” T-shirts, bumper stickers, and web sites. Some may have advocated impeaching him from his office as Senator, but it’s the overall tone that Republicans have regarding the “now that the tables are turned” type of situation.

War crimes? Fagedaboudit! If, however, a Democrat becomes President, they want an Impeachment movement in place. Is that a bit of an incomprehensible contradiction? Only for the Democrats because the Republicans know that a great political strategist (in his book titled “Mein Kampf”) warned that one should never admit a possibility that the other side might be right. So, the Republicans knowing that the Democrats are wrong have no qualms about preparing to meet a new President with an Impeachment campaign.

You think Rush, Sean, and Bill O’Reilly won’t go along with such a complete reversal of “support the President” ideology?

Democrats have not been very enthusiastic about impeaching President Bush, but the Republicans seem to have no reservations about impeaching any Democrat who lands in the White House.

Democrats endorse the “every vote counts” philosophy, but the Republicans like to remove as many Democrats from the voting roles as possible. They call it “cadging.” Cute, huh?

Did vets die in World War II fighting for democracy or were they fighting for the right of Republicans to eliminate opposition votes via cadging?

Do the Republicans, who supported changing to the banking methods that caused the meltdown, suddenly, when they want to hire a survey firm, switch to a highly ethical mode of operations or are Americans being “set-up” again? Aren’t the media that are peddling and touting the “McCain surge in the poles” stories, the very same new organizations that helped sell the WMD’s fraud?

America wouldn’t believe an “upset” victory that followed a string of poles that indicated an impending landslide for Obama, but the surge stories will soften the blow of a McCain victory. Would the media question such a victory? Did they question the WMD’s?

Abbot and Costello popularized a comedy bit about the flip of a coin: “Heads, I win; tails, you loose.” Thing is, the Republicans see no inconsistency when they play that way for keeps.

Now, the disk jockey will play an old German hit: “The World Belongs to the Strong.” Here’s a link for those of you who want to sing-along:
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,711776-3,00.html [4]

We’ll hit the road. Have a “demand a recount” type week.

Citizen McKKKane

[<B>Note:  This column is a work of fiction and is an attempt at humor and also an attempt to show other countries just how far freedom of speech can be pushed in a benevolent country like the United States of America </B>!]
 
There will be a change in the news industry now that Charles Foster-Anarchy McKKKane has been elected.  Henceforth, there will be no democracy nor will there be any real journalism . . . McKKKane, a former news executive, knows all the tricks of the trade and will put a stop to that nonsense and soon only government approved information will be available in all the media.
 
McKKKane rode to victory as “The White Knight” and was touted as the greatest thing since sliced white bread by his supporters.  He accused his opponent of being a Muslim candidate from Manchuria who was trying to whitewash a dismally short resume.  The choice between the two was a clear black and white choice and since patriotic Americans are a tight knit clan, most voted with a clear and distinct voice.  It was the biggest political landslide since Romans chose Barabbas by acclamation.  McKKKane’s supporters quipped that their man was the wizard of one-liners.
 
McKKKane waited until late in the game before he played his strongest card and indicated his worthy opponent was a big dummy by calling him a Neanderthal (AKA the “n” word).  The citizens in the various hoods rallied to McKKKane’s side and sacked his opponent’s chance to clinch victory by voting overwhelmingly for the man they called “the war lord.”
 
Some have objected that the election of McKKKane was rigged, but they have since been silenced.
 
When the Devil’s Brigade is sent to quell unrest the boys in the newsroom (and on the anchor desk) will now snap to attention and dutifully report how a patriot like President POW won’t take any guff from the communist agitators and will do what is necessary to quash the unnecessary disruption of his plan to bring peace via a wider war.  McKKKane is joshingly called President POW because of his former role as editor and publisher of a string of newspapers.  POW stands for Power of Words.
 
Recently “Freedom of Speech” has been subverted and perverted until the left wing lunatics have disseminated a massive campaign of dis-information that is confusing right (wing) thinking Americans!  That’s going to end on Inauguration day.  President McKKKane has issued the necessary executive orders to bring an immediate halt to sedition and treason masquerading as “loyal dissent.”
 
President McKKKane has said that if folks don’t know a war has started, then there’s no way they can cause disruptions and delays by protesting against it.
 
President McKKKane has advocated eliminating many overstaffed newspapers that all print the same AP stories and replacing them with one patriotic voice speaking for loyal citizens.  Such a consolidation will be more efficient and ecconomical and the savings will be passed along to the public.
 
There have even been strong suggestions that management of information be elevated to a cabinet level position and that “Mr. Fair and Balance,” Bill O’Reilly, will be the first person to hold that office.
 
Unpatriotic members of the Democratic Party, who objected strenuously to the election, which they saw as “rigged” have been provided with government provided housing and food at resort areas in remote locations (just the kind of government coddling they have always advocated) where they will receive, at absolutely no charge, extensive educations to accommodate an attitude readjustment to a “non judgmental kumbaya” state of mind regarding the newly elected President. It will exemplify the state of mind they often recommend for others.
 
Evelyn Waugh wrote:  “If, for instance, they have heard something from the postman, they attribute it to “a semi-official statement”; if they have fallen into conversation with a stranger at a bar, they can conscientiously describe him as “a source that has hitherto proved unimpeachable.” It is only when the journalist is reporting a whim of his own, and one to which he attaches minor importance, that he defines it as the opinion of “well-informed circles.” 
 
Now, the disk jockey will play Gil Scott Heron’s song “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised” (of course it won’t it’s been canceled!) and we will go put out the bulldog edition of this column.  Have a “Great Caesar’s Ghost!” type week.

Official Web Site for the CRRRRAP Tour

Hack has been broadcasting live from Alice Springs all this week on Triple J.

http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/hack/

Dang!  Scooped again!

The World’s Laziest Journalist’s endeavor to go “On the Oz Road”  has final gotten a name.

Due to the disrespect shown to George W. Bush, we will be trying to rehabilitate his reputation as one of the world’s leading diplomats.

The Committee to Restore Respect and Rehabilitate the Reputation for the American President (CRRRRAP) Tour will start the Summer Tour of Australia any day now.

We don’t want folks to beg off donating to the GWB Presidential Library because “they can’t afford it right now.”  Hogwash!  The man has changed history and shown that, contrary to a popular longtime misunderstanding, the United States can fight a war and have a depression at the same time.  No other President has managed to do that.

If he can set historical precedences, then Joe Sixpack, Joe Hamburger, and Joe the Plumber can contribute to the Presidential Library and I will be preaching to gospel of donations for the Texas’ newest Presidential Library.

(Will the John McCain Presidential Library be built in Panama?)

Maybe before we go we should call Dennis Miller and Bill O’Reilly and see if they can help subsidize this humanitarian mission to Australia? 

A tour of Canada about 35 years ago has skewed the conduct of our blog’s Australia vs. Canada competition.  Doing a tour of Australia will be a way of affirming our support for fair and balanced news coverage and blog competitions! ! ! 

Stay tuned . . .

McCain and the “Phantom Punch”

Youtube has posted a different view of the punch that knocked Sonny Liston out in his second match with Cassius Clay (now known as Muhammad Ali) and it is a bit easier to see that there was a quick punch that caused a great deal of debate because some camera views made it impossible to see that it happen.
 
The first match between Liston and Clay/Ali was very highly publicized and before it took place, most discussions centered on just how long the challenger would last against World Champ Liston.  Actor Hal March predicted that Liston would win before the first round started because his opponent would faint (from fear) in the dressing room, before even entering the ring.
 
After the election, if, as some poles predict, Senator Obama wins a decisive landslide victory, conservative talk show hosts may try to rationalize the loss by asking if, in boxing parlance, Senator McCain “took a dive” and lost the match-up on purpose.
 
We’ll prime the pump for such debates.
 
Imagine, if you will, (do I sound like Rod Serling?) that Senator McCain really wanted to play the role of maverick spoiler and dispute the direction that George W. Bush was taking for the country and the Republican party.
 
If you were him, how would you handle the challenge?
 
You could become the voice of loyal dissent and propose a different program, but that would incur the automatic “traitor” label for disloyalty.
 
You could try to get the Republican nomination and slowly and steadily change the direction where the Bush momentum was taking things.
 
Last alternative would be to become so enthusiastic about continuing the Bush agenda that massive amounts of people would become offended and give the Democrats a landslide mandate of indisputable proportions.
 
Distortion and exaggeration are hallmarks of humor, but those qualities might not work in politics if they were so blatant as to be parodies of the real qualities. 
 
If, Senator McCain was a maverick who was so aggravated by the past Bush tactics used in the 2000 election, and if, like many other military veterans, McCain saw the principles of democracy become nullified and disregarded, then perhaps the best way to set things right would be to make sure that the Democrats, who were aghast at the way George W. Bush had subverted the democratic process, would be handed a veto-proof majority that would begin a remedial program that would restore honor, justice, and honesty. 
 
Republicans are known for their unquestioning allegiance and party loyalty, but some do seem to be showing some signs of loosing enthusiasm for GWB’s march to fascism.
 
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but if, in the future, you see a pundit comparing the McCain campaign and the “phantom punch,” just remember that you read it here first.
 
The Republicans seem to be united most of the time and the Democrats have such a coalition of activists that discipline is sometimes a bit difficult to maintain.  So many smaller factions of the Democratic party have so many diverse causes they want to promote.
 
When we are approached for donations to various liberal causes, we often respond by saying that rather than making a monetary contribution, we will help publicize their causes so we will take this opportunity to mention some.
 
While in San Francisco, we noted that a PETA group was in front of an exclusive department store (the one recently made more famous by a visit from a certain governor of Alaska, who disdains elitist Democrats) and so we will run a link so our (dozen or so) readers can learn about their fight against fur coats.
http://www.furisdead.com/history.asp
 
A spokesperson for Greenpeace was telling pedestrians in Berkeley about the sins of the paper industry.  Naturally, she didn’t have a press release on paper, but had two URL’s for more information
http://www.greenpeace.org/usa/
and
http://www.kleercut.net/en/
 
Speaking of making donations, Bill O’Reilly will be paid $10 million a year to spout stuff that he asserts is not Republican talking points.  In a “David vs. Goliath” type battle, this web site is seeking donations to present the opposing point of view.
 
We have promised to run a plug for Jersey Bill’s latest photo coverage of vintage sports car races at Watkins Glenn.  (Since he voted for Bush, he’d understand if we made a “signing statement” to wiggle out of the need to keep our word, eh?)  Here’s where it starts at:
http://www.justabovesunset.com/wg2008/
 
Has the Governor of Alaska helped Heather Lende sell her book about life in small town Alaska titled:  “If You Lived Here, I’d Know Your Name: News from Small-Town Alaska”?  You’d think it would, wouldn’t you?
 
Has any pundit trademarked the slogan:  “The pundit other pundits read.”?  Well, since this is a copyrighted site, maybe that will be sufficient protection for using it?
 
Quick, while the editor isn’t looking, we will sneak in a plug for our blog where the adventures in Australia will be posted if we can get access to a computer over there.
http://worldslaziestjournalist.wordpress.com/
 
Clay/Ali described his fighting style thus: “float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.”
 
Now, the disk jockey will play Al Jolson’s “Sonny Boy” and we’ll duck out of here.  Have a “win by a knockout” type week.

The Golden Gate Bridge

Golden Gate Bridge as seen from UC Berkeley campus

Promobabble Prodigal Uncle Issue

Promobabble

Prodigal Uncle Issue

Saturday Oct 25, 2008

(Two months until Christmas)

 

PRODIGAL UNCLE

We met a member of the family whom we haven’t seen or spoken to in about 6 years, while in San Francisco. 

 

COLUMNS

We’ve been cranking out columns and hope you guys will be reading them on Smirking Chimp and Oped News sites.  We have posted some new pictures on Flickr.  If you go to flickr search for Bobby Kennedy Los Angeles 68 and a picture of him with a “Toys” sign in the background should be the top suggested photo.  That’s mine so click on it and then click through all my photos.  Other pictures should be popping up on the Just Above Sunset Photo blog.

http://www.justabovesunset.com/photography/

 

POSTPONED

We just wrote a great (?) column but we wanted to triple check and make sure that we could use a quote that was sent to us. 

 

WEATHER

The weather in the San Francisco area has been astoundingly good since the beginning of October.  The locals are stunned by it.  On Thursday night in the Corinthean room at the Bank of America building the night was so clear and the Golden Gate Bridge at night is stunning.  A local said she has seen some nights there when it was socked in and you couldn’t see a thing.  Thursday night was about as good as it gets at night.

 

LINKS?

We will try to post a link to the Flickr photos.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/8216859@N04/2969036465/

there’s a thingie in the upper right where you can scroll backward through all the other photos.

We request all members of the Promobabble Patrol to click on the link in the e-mail and then read the Report on the blog site and please use the links (see the other blog links over on the right?) so that the folks at those blogs will see I’m sending traffic their way.

A copy of the Report will be sent to the Patrol member in China who can’t access the blog.

 

QUOTE

Julius Caesar said:  “If you must break the law, do it to seize power: in all other cases observe it. “  Gee, George Bush must have read Caeser!

 

SONG

Now, the disk jockey will play “Waltzing Matilda” and we’ll take our leave.  Have a “cross the equator” type week!

A quote from the real Joe Sixpack

The newest column at Smirking Chimp has a quote from the real Joe Sixpack

http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/18196

Being the World’s Laziest Journalist doesn’t mean not doing any work; it just means doing as little as possible to get out a good column.

Moses Hall

UCB Moses Hall

Are you ready?

Are you ready to listen to the Robert Patterson Singers?

Are you ready?

Are you ready?

Well, then, click this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZfP_up6_DQ

Photo coverage of the trip (to this point)

Pictures of my trip up to yesterday, have been posted at the JAS photo site

Click here to see what I’ve seen

 http://www.justabovesunset.com/ngp08/html/just_san_francisco.html

George also goes “on the road”

Today, in Berkeley, I got one of those dollar bills that asks you to report its location to the Where’s George web site, so I did

http://www.wheresgeorge.com/report.php?args=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

In my note there, I said I will try to spend this dollar bill in Australia and so I will.  We’ll see if anyone makes a subsequent report about that particular dollar bill.

Fred C. Dobbs Australian style?

I have wanted to go to Australia, since I was in High School.  (We thought Fabian’s birthday should have been a national holiday.)  I’ve always been interested in panning for gold.  My list of favorite movies has “Treasure of the Sierra Madre” listed as no. 1.  I tried some panning when I lived at Tahoe.

Now that I am going to Australia, could I get a twofer?

After finding this web site

http://www.goldprospectingaustralia.com.au/

it seems like a twofer might be possible.

To be continued . . .

Where did Tuesday go?

I got on an aeroplane on Monday night and I have arrived in Australia and it is Wednesday morning here, so where did Tuesday go?

I have my camera and it looks like I will be able to post some photos from here.

Where did Tusday Oct 28 go?

If you find it please let me know.

Don’t Do As I Do . . .

(Sydney NSW) Oct. 29  Odds are that you won’t see much mention in the mainstream media in the United States about the debate that will be held this evening at City Recital Hall in Sydney because the topic to be debated will be:  “America has lost its moral authority.”

Bob Carr, former premier of New South Wales, will be on of the speakers for the Affirmative point of view. 

Sydney Morning Herald columnist Paul McGeough will be another on the Affirmative side of the question and in this morning’s edition he outlined his indictment of the Bush Administration saying ” . . . Washington is unashamedly contemptuous of the Geneva Conventions, the Convention Against Torture, the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights and the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act.”

If American media were to report on debates such as the one to be held tonight, then the American people might have a more difficult time clinging to the long held image of the United States as “the good guys.” 

Haven’t these Aussie blokes seen the John Wayne movies?  Are they going to be so limited in their outlook that they will base their arguments on the U. S. foreign policy rather than all those feel good movies that brim over with patriotic pride for such things as the liberation of Paris, and D Day, and raising the flag on Iwo Jima?

A columnist for this web site can alert the U. S. audience to such lapses in judgment and recoil in horror as these folks point their fingers in righteous indignation.

Do American debate police brutality because Ned Kelly was hit with gunfire 27 times while he was resisting arrest?  Was that a bit over the line and morally reprehensible?  Americans never raise that question.  The cops did what they had to do.  Kelly was nursed back to health, put on trial and, after being found guilty in a fair trial, sentenced to death.

These critical Aussies who want to castigate George W. Bush for being a tad overenthusiastic about putting an end to terrorism would do well to remember Ned Kelly’s last word:  “Such is life!”  A President does what he has to do to protect his people.

We haven’t decided about going to see tonight’s event, yet.  It certainly sounds like the U. S. is being set up to be found guilty.  Isn’t that what’s called a kangaroo court?

Now, the disk jockey will play “Does Your Chewing Gum Loose It’s Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight” and we’ll hop out of here.  Have a “Good day mate!” type of week.

Notes from Australia

Imagine if the guys in the U. S. had three more professional sports to follow and you will see why sports fans in Oz have loads of information coming at them and Fox Sports seems to be a big name in Sports.  Luckily, one of the local sports bars seems to think they will have the election results on one of their TV’s next Wednesday afternoon. 

One of the first things we noticed here was that since it is late Spring, the jacaranda bushes are in bloom.  We’ll try to take some extra frames of pictures so that we can send some to JAS Photo and also (maybe) to L. A. Observed who always seems to like to make mention when the Jacaranda bushes bloom in L. A.

One worry has been put to rest.  There will be plenty of good Mexican food available.  We were afraid that we would have to go “cold turkey,” but we’ve found some places and went into one and talked Spanish to the guy and that made this former L. A. resident feel very much “at home.”

Australia is very tourist friendly.  It seems the whole country is geared to make visitors feel welcome.  I’ve met plenty of young folks from all over.  I’ve met visitors from Germany (several), Sweden, Scotland, and heard a big group speaking French.  Why is it that American kids don’t travel?  Heck, once you get to Texas, why leave, eh?

There are local magazines from Australia here, but they seem to have a great many foreign publications readily available.  Unfortunately for the American Empire, they are not all American publications.  Yikes, different points of view.  Bush wouldn’t like that at all.

Candy?  Bet you never had a Perkynana bar.  It’s a chocolate bar that has a banana taste.  I like ‘em, but then again I like anything with a banana added.  I like pizza with banana on top and Sue used to make me a very special cheese and banana om let, which I loved, loved, loved.

Will be looking up Sydney auto museums to see in the next week or so.

To be continued . . .

Sydney Update

One nice thing about being in Australia is that you don’t have to worry about your 401 and/or the NYSE because it’s last night in the states and the stock market won’t open for hours, so why worry about it?

At the MTV Gallery in Sydney they had a cool phaeton car (4 door convert able).  It was a Holden.  If they name cars after Hollywood stars what will be next, a John Wayne roadster?

When folks pitch us for a donation to their cause, we just run the link and let our readers do all the heavy lifting (and reading).  We met a nice young lady working for Amnesty so here’s the link
http://www.amnesty.org.au

Today we saw a young lady wearing jeans that were leotard tight.  Levi leotards?  Looks like something the young ladies in the states might want to use to catch some admiring glances.

A Ferrari cost $3,250 a day to rent here in Sydney, but it isn’t as bad as it sounds because with the dollar gaining strength, that means it is only about $2,000 a day in US money.  Here is the link

http://www.sportscarrentals.com

We have to post hastily because computer time means money while on the road. 

My first item for Bartcop has been posted. 

Excuse me, I have a post to write for the Chimp site.

Ciao for now.

Promobabble Ususal Suspects Issue

Promobabble

Usual Suspects Issue

Oct. 31, 2008

 

Peter Wilson in the new Weekend Australian says that Afghanistan is unwinnable and has been since the beginning.  So why would Bush start a war that can’t be won.  If the companies that supply support work for the troops are involved, isn’t that then like endless profits, and what business wouldn’t thrive under such circumstances?

 

Will try to be at the manning Bar at Sydney U for election results.

 

Will try to do a column on the Diagram Prize

 

Short attention span?  Maybe you would like the TV show Gemini Division which has 5 minute long episodes?

 

A web site in the USA, “the Vault” is reported to have employee evaluations of the company that employs them.  Would Bill O’Reilly denounce it as socialistic?

 

Martha Wainright is joining her brother and father (Louden) in the folk world.  One of her songs has a very nasty title.  Crossword puzzle fans might hip you to this clue:  Bloody Oedipus Jerk.

 

Folks who listen only to O’Reilly and Fox news are like people who listen to KUSC (only) all their lives.  Yeah, they get classical music, but they would miss Elvis, Merle Haggard, reggae, Charlie “Bird” Parker, and Sousa marchs, but they would loudly proclaim that they “knew” all about music.

 

The Aussies don’t call it “spin,” they call it “bulldust.”

 

I have started to post items on Bartcop so I’ll post a URL when I have one.  My blog has stuff that isn’t in the Porombabble.  Members are supposed to read the blog regularly.  Heck, if you get an e-mail notice then you can go to the blog and skim over all the stuff that has been posted since the last promobabble report was posted, eh?

 

Am planning on walking over the bridge tomorrow.

 

Will try to post photos of the birds here and share them with Just Above Sunset Photo because it would be a good chance to get some unusual new birds for the bird watcher audience at JAS Photo.

 

Will also try to post some tourist shots at Flickr and share some with JAS Photo.

 

Quote

See the last paragraph of Peter Wilson’s report on Afghanistan in this weekend’s Weekend Australian.

 

Song
Martha Wainright’s song.  (You could look it up on the Internets.)

 

Have a “Spring is here!” type week (if you are in the right hemisphere.)

 

Homeless World Cup

Australia will bring about 750 homeless people here for the Homeless World Cup in December.  WTF?  Why don’t they spend some money and help budget strapped bloggers to come here and report back on why Americans should (after seeing the new “Australia” movie) come here and have fun.

Some folks are worried that the visting homeless will stay.  Will Santa Monica field a powerhouse team and be the favorites?

Folks from Scranton (Pa.,) would see an old connection witht eh Gloria Jean coffee shops.  Wasn’t the movie actress Gloria Jean from Scranton?

While the U. S. holds the elections, excitemtn is very high in Oz because (it seems) the Melbourne Cup race (which is like the Aussie Kentucky Derby) will also be held on Tuesday.

I’m told that traditionalists hold a wintry holiday to celebrate a snowy Christmas and here in Oz that means having it in July. 

http://www.toysoldiers.com.au/

It was in the basement and we never would have noticed it but we stopped for a coffee in the shop above and so then we found Peter Nathan’s.

We got some free postcards (see why Sue calls me “bargain basement bob”?) plugging a new Sydney Library project

http://www.dictionaryofsydney.org/www/html/7-home-page.asp

There is a non native flower that was brough into the country and ran wild.  The incident is referred to as Patterson’s Curse.  (Patterson = running wild?)

Snow Patrol’s new video for their song “Open Your Eyes” features a very, very long tacking shot.  They should post it on Youtube just for cinema students to admire.

Want Oz music news?  Try this

http://www.chanelv.com.au/

We stopped at Peter Natahn’s Toy Soldiers store.  Wow would it be great to have the Nikon cameras and close up lenses to shoot the stuff in his store.

http://www.toysoldiers.com.au/

At the hostel we met a guy from Sweeden who runds this photo site:

http://www.resdagboken.se/

We intended to send some flower and bird photos to Alan at JAS Photo, but apparently the computer we are using isn’t going to cooperate!  Drat!  We wanted to also post some photos on the blog and at Flickr.  Oh, well, some other time, maybe.

The end of the World Series got five small graphs in one Sydney paper.

It’s monday here and the weather will be superb.  No use sitting here trying to send photo files, when I could be out taking more! ! !

To be continued . . .

Sydney Tower

Sydney Tower

CSI Aussie style

CSI Aussie style

Boomerang School

Boomarang School

Pundit

Badges? Pundits don

Vending Machine for French Fries

Vending Machine for French Fries

Symbolism?

Is it just a coincidence or is it a sign?  The weather in Sydney for Thursday is very sunny and bright and folks seem very happy today. 

http://bartblog.bartcop.com/

I wrote about it for Bart Cop.

Promobabble Report Kinokuniya Issue

Promobabble Report

Kinokuniya Issue

Saturday November 8, 2008

 

Kinokuniya is the biggest bookstore in Australia and it is in Sydney and I went there Friday and bought one book titled “Six Thinking Hatsâ” and it is the first book I have ever seen with the little r in the title.  It is a “positive thinking” book and is Australian oriented and written by Edward De Bono.

 

I supposed the sequel will be titled:  “Who moved my Six Thinking Hats?”

 

Saw a book about the journalism done by “Gone With the Wind” writer Margaret Mitchell.  I didn’t know that she had been a reporter before she wrote the novel.

 

I’ve been told that the biggest mosquitos in Canada are at Muskoka.

 

While at Kinokuniya I discovered the word “enallage.”  It means to substitute words such as a columnist saying “we” rather than “I.”

 

I am awaiting some “letters of transit” in the mail. When I get them, I will start tracing out the rest of my journey.  Will let the Promobabble Patrol board of directors know if it comes in the mail later today.  I hope they get here by Monday or I will start to worry.

 

The Sydney Morning Herald is “on” cars and has a good Drive section article on the new California Ferrari in today’s edition.

 

TV dialogue here includes such phrases as “apotheosis of banality.”  Gees, don’t they know that folks would rather hear fart jokes?

 

No new pictures to post, but will try to get more today and/or tomorrow. 

 

While “on the road” will not have much time to add quotes and/or songs for the disk jockey to play because I don’t have spare computer time to prepare such extras.

 

Should this have been the “Obama” issue of the Promobabble?  Nah, we’ll use that name when he gets inaugurated.

Monday?

Apparently there is no mail delivery on Saturday, so I’ll see what happenns Monday

what fun!

Notes from on the road

On Sunday I went to the Powerhouse Museum and there was a lot there to see.  One of the most interesting things for me was a cutaway view of a 1939 4-door Chev (right hand drive). 

It’s funny what folks like and don’t like.  A clerk at the big Sydney book store wanted to travel and see the world.  The one thing she wanted to see was the Jurassic Museum in L. A.

http://www.mjt.org/

To me that’s interesting, because I used to live within walking distance of it and the time I visited it, L.A.Bill and I were walking around.  He said “ever been in there?”  Neither of us had seen it so we went in.  I got a column about it because while we where there we met a couple from Fresno and they were happy about a tourist attrction in Fresno.

So, I hope that girl gets to L. A. and sees the Museum that I took for granted for so long.

A picture of the 1939 Chev will be posted after I publish this report, so it will appear above this.

I’m off on a walk to the Paddington District (again) today.

To be continued . . .

1939 Chev

1939 Chevrolet

The Powerhouse Museum features a cutaway view into this 1939 (right hand drive) Chevy.

Like L. A. forty years ago

When I went to the Australian counsulate in L. A. about a month ago, there was a young guy there to pick up some paperwork for his Australian wife and he told me going to Australia would be like visiting L. A. forty years ago.

It just so happens that I was in L. A. forty years ago (go to Flickr and search for “bobby kennedy 68 Los Angeles” and the top suggested picture should be mine) and that is a very good analogy for visiting Australia.   But some of the kids at the hostile seem uncertain just who was “The Jefferson Airplane.”

Did I really see the Jefferson Airplane play a free gig at Golden Gate Park?  I can’t remember what the name of the music group was.  They say if you can remember the Sixties, you weren’t really there.

I do know for sure that I did see the Jefferson Airplane play in . . . Fresno!

So far, no Australian band seems to be the new Jefferson Airplane.

To be continued . . .

Sunset for Sundowners

Roof view of Sydney

From the roof top smoking/talking area of the hostel, you can see the bridge and the opera house in the distance.

Smoing and drinking “goon” is a popular past-time.

Movin’ on . . .

Now that the “letters of transit” have arrived, it is time to wrap things up in Sydney and start making plans for the next leg, which will be a flight down to Melbourne.

Flying is very inexpensive inside of Oz and so folks tend to hop around from city to city.

Last night was “on the town” time.  We skipped the comedy club and went with the official hostel group to the Iriah pub nearby.  It was very loud, just the way bars used to be way back when.

Today a walk to the Opera is on the top of the schedule.

Posted one roof top picture below.

Bats in Sydney’s Botanical Garden

Sydney Botanical Garden

Sydney’s Botanical Garden features many good photo opportunities for Flowers and Birds.  We will try to send many more pictures to Alan at Just Above Sunset Photo, but until we do, here is one shot of the Bats at Sydney’s Botanical Garden to give folks an idea of what it looks like.

Seeing bats is fun.

Sunset

Sydney Sunset

Fame and fortune via Blogging

The World’s Laziest Journalist’s blog is on the air (agin) from Sydney at 10:30 a.m. on Wednesday.

We’ve just posted two more pictures for the members of the Promobabble Patrol (and anyone else) to see and after we finish using the computer (time for a plug)

http://www.drivedownunder.com.au/

we will walk down the hill to Harry’s Hot Dogs.  They are world famous and we will write about world fame, blogging and Howard’s world famous avacado burgers tomorrow for Bart Cop.

Just checking we see that there are pictures of Howard’s on Flickr

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jeneyepher/2550539475/

So, maybe Howard’s is world famous?

We will be moving on to Melbourne on Saturday.  We will miss a wild party at Bondi beach which the guys from Chili (who just got a pad) will throw.

As it stands now, I plan to come back to Sydney about a week early and then be free to bust the budget and buy some stuff for some people.  I bought one thing for my literary agent in Sherman Oaks and it cost three times more to send it back to L. A. than it did to buy it.  If I didn’t buy anything for anybody, that would be fair, but now that I’ve bought one thing . . . How can I buy something for my literary agent and not for my lawery?

It’s Christmas time, how can you not buy stuff?

Note for Alan:  the battery recharger for the camera batteries works fine with a cheap plug adapter.  It has a built in voltage adjustment.  When the guys at Looking Glass Photo in Berkeley pointed that feature out to me, I just had to lug the camera and recharger along.  Now, I’m glad I did.

I tried to show one of the young folks at the hostel, where my blog is and had a tough time finding it myself.  So . . .  I will be using the “World’s Laziest Journalist” phrase much more often so that Google will find me easier.

Well, it’s time to check and see how my stuff on Smirking Chim, Oped News, and Bartcop looks. 

Onward to Harry’s Hot Dogs . . .

Harry’s Hotdogs in Sydney

Harry

Harry’s Hot Dogs in Sydney are said to be world famous and he has tons of pictures of celebrities who come there to have one.

Now, he can boast about a vist from the World’s Laziest Journalist.

They were very good.  Spicy like suasage and had onions, mexican beans and a special cheese sauce.

“Top of the World, ma!”

Top of the Sydney Bridge

Having a tough time unloading a picture of folks climbing to the top of the Sydney Harbor Bridge.

Wednesday, bargain basement bob went to Harry’s Hotdogs and tried them.  Then went for walk to the Botanical Gardens (again) and the Operahouse (again) and the Bridge (again), but since it was a beautiful day, we popped for the price of admission and walked to the top of the “Pylon” and got some great pix.

Will be posting pix on Flickr and the blog and will try to get a picture of Harry’s Hotdogs on the Bartcop column I will write in a few minuets.

Read the columns, the blog, and look at the Flickr pages.

To be continued . . .

Let’s Try It Again!

On top of Bridge

Still getting use to the various ways of dealing with computers.  The first attempt to show tourists at the top of the Harbor Bridge in Sydney failed, but this one seems to be working. 

My attempt to do the same for the Bartcop blog was only partially successful.

Live and learn.

Promobabble Report Spring Cleaning Issue

Promobabble Report

Spring Cleaning Issue

Satuday Nov. 15, 2008-11-15

 

Well, it’s Spring Cleaning time and so we’ll get some stuff off the desk for the members of the Promobabble Patrol

 

No Clocks

It seems very few businesses in Australia put a clock on the wall.  The Library has them, but not many others.

 

Stay to the Left

In the U. S. folks drive on the right hand side and so they tend to walk on the right hand side of the sidewalks and when you go into a store with escalators, they are on the right.  Slow traffic moves over to the right hand lanes.

 

In Australia, they drive forward in the left hand lanes (British style) and so the up escalators are on the left, people walk forward on the left hand side of the sidewalk and on the escalators people who aren’t in a hurry move over to the left to let the people in a rush get by.

 

Bondi Beach

If you took Venice Beach and put it in Malibu, you would have the equivalent of Sydney’s Bondi Beach.  I’ve sent photos to JAS Photo, so look there in a day or three to see if Alan posted them.

 

Louie, the Canadian bush pilot, and I went for a bus ride and wound up at Bondi Beach.

 

Tropical storm

After getting back from Bondi Beach we had supper in an outdoor café and it started to rain.  It was like living out a scene from a Graham Green novel

 

Santa Spotting.

We saw our first Santa yesterday.in Bondi Junction on the way back from the beach.

 

Too Many Books

I gave away my K. C. Constantine novel that I bought in Fricso, but I have acquired four new books in Oz.  It’s all Australian stuff.  I may mail some of them back home (but then again, it may be cheaper to lug them all over Oz and bring them back in my bags.)

 

Bad News from Santa Monica

My book proposal got a turn-down.

 

My Literary Agent.

Haven’t heard anything from my “literary agent.”  Sent him a souvenir from Oz.  Hope he sells my vampire story while I’m out here collecting new material.

 

 

Streamline Modern Architecture

The hostel is right near an former streamline modern theatre.  It is now used by George “Mad Max” Miller for his HQ (according to an article in the New York Times some time back.)

 

“Or I’ll go to Australia!”

I have asked to get the loan of a Ford Cobra to run around the U. S. and blog about the trip.  I have said that if no one offers me the use of a Ford Cobra, I will go instead to Australia.  I went into the Ferrari dealer in Sydney and asked about using one of their cars to see Australia.  I told them that I told the Cobra people that if they didn’t come through, I would go to Australia instead.  So the Ferrari salesman said:  “So here you are!”  Guess what?  Here I am!  A photo may be posted separately.

 

Melbourne

I’m off to Melbourne tonight.  If I get a good computer café to use, there will be more posts, but if I don’t find one in Melbourne, there may be a bit of “dead air” from me.  It should be OK.

 

Michael Parkinson has said:  “Nowadays being famous is almost a lifestyle; it’s almost a career.”  (I did a column on fame for Bartcop.)

 

Now, the disk jockey will play Willie Nelson’s “On the Road Again” and we’ll move on to a column for SC and Oped News.  Have a “rolling stone” type week.

 

 

Righthand Drive Ferraris

Ferraris in Oz

Ferraris sold in Australia have right hand drives because the roads are set up for left hand lanes to go forward (British style).

Melbourne Observed

So far we’ve seen:  a pub with a drive through window.  (Package goods only)

A guy with a Concordia U. t-shirt made us stop and think.

Melbourne’s sister city is (I’m told by a book store clerk who looked it up online) Boston.

We’ve also seen:  An MG TC in primo condition, a 1961 Lincoln Continental four door convert in primo coniditon, a 1961 Wolse Sdn.  (Don’t ask, it’s the first one we’ve ever seen.) and a 58 VW bus with right hand drive.  They all had right hand drive.

Kraftwork is coming to Oz.  I saw them at the Santa Monica Civic about 32 years ago.

Nick Cave is organizing a All expat tour of Oz.  Didn’t he and the bad seeds play for years in the British pub on Lincoln Blvd. in Santa Monica?

What’s with the Santa Monica connection?  Is Santa Monica the tryout place for Oz music?

I’m not an outdoor type guy.  I enjoy cities and as I walked about Melbourne today I notice a great many buildings that reminded me of New Orleans 100 years ago and others that reminded me of Saigon before WWII.  I have never seen those two cities so don’t ask how the buildings could remind me of those unseen cities.

The old Saigon-type buildings got me to wondering:  In the thirties what the heck were all the people wo worked in thos building doing?  Preparing for WWII or shipping kola bear furs back to England?  Did the huntrs club Kola bear cubs to death rather than shoot them so that the pelts wouldn’t have bullet hole in them?

End of Sunday Nov. 16, 2008 report.

Old V-dub bus

58 V-dub

This 1958 Volks bus was at the beach market place in Melbourne on Sunday

1961 Wolsa Sdn

Wolsa Sdn

This 1961 Wolsa Sedan was parked in Melbourne on Sunday.

Streetcar Restaurant

Streetcar Restaurant

This Streetcar functions as a Restaurant in Melbourne

Eating on the road

Restaurant in a streetcar

This is a going away shto of a Restaurant that is in a streetcar in Melbourne.

Blog = stream of consciousness novel?

NYPD = good pizza in Melbourne.  Not much Mexican food in evidence.

Why doesn’t someone invent a combo pen spoon?  One end could be a spoon for stirring coffee (etc.) and the other could be a pen.  You can always use a ballpoint pen to stir coffee but a spoon doesn’t do much good when you get a good phone number.

A cheap alcoholic drink that’s almost wine is called “goon” by the kids here in Oz.

Saw cotton candy in the video store.  Do that have that in the USA and I just didn’t notice it or what?  As I recall cotton candy was only available at amusement parks in the USA.

Canadians call couches a “Chesterfield.”  I couldn’t convince them that it was a cigarette.  They didn’ know:  “Chesterfield tasts good like a cigarette should.”

I read in the paper while I was in Sydney that the Cronulla Sharks were trying to borrow some money to pay their team.  Yikes!  There must be a world wide financial crises happening, eh?

Maybe I just misunderstood, but (no time for fact checking) it seems that there are rock groups here named “Holy Fuck” and “Machine Gun Felatio.”

In Sydney, Louie from Canada told me that the basking shark is facing extinction.

In the Video store they had a DVD for the best of “The Naked Vicar Show.”  Where are the born again Republicans when you really need them?

Are blogs the modern equivalant of a stream of consciousness novel?

Selfportrait?

Picture of Bob

Christmas decorations are on display down under

Christmas in Dispatch

Christmas in Dispatch

This photo of the Christmas display at the Myer Department store in Melbounre Australis looks exactly like the way Christmas was celebrated at the Outlook Dispatch department.

Perth

Shipwreck Museum

So I made it to Perth.  More photos to follow but not today.

Promobabble Report Fremantle Issue

Promobabble Report 

Fremantle Issue

Nov. 22, 2008

Weather report

Warm and sunny in Fremantle today.  Hailstorm from Queensland earlier in week cause mucho excitement in Freo.

The Western Australian newspaper’s weekend magazine section featured an interview with the original Cheeta from the Tarzan movies.  The writer tracked down the original chimp in Palm Springs Ca.  Cheeta is still alive but a bit of a crumudgeon in his old age.  (Ha!)

The new California Ferrari gets good gas milage.  It’s listed as 13OL/100 Km.  Whatever that means.

Will be taking at least one picture at the local die-cast car store for the folks at LASAAC.org

http://www.lasaac.org/content/welcome-lasaacorg

They have stuff not available in USA.  The best is a 1/12 scale Cobra.

Jim Clark’s 1963 Lotus was sold but it should remain in Oz.  A 1952 Alta was sold for $226,000 but it will not stay in Oz.

The nice thing about a blog is that the columnist can run stuff just for one reader.

After this Report is posted we will post (so it will be above this) a photo for Kevin at L. A. Observed and another photo for Alan at Just Above Sunset Photo and Jersey Bill.

There is a desert town in Oz named Siberia.

The Australian citizenship test will be changed.  There won’t be as much attention paid to sports questions.

Tonight Barking Frank Valentine is playing close to this hostel.  Barking Frank is a one man tribute band doing Tom Waits material.

The weekend paper also featured a Calvin and Hobbs featuring “Stupendous Man.” 

There was (in Sydney) a book that seemed to be a look at the Southern Conservative Christians in the USA.  The title of the book was “Have a nice Doomsday!”

To be continued . . .

Photo for Kevin at LAObserved

Photo for Kevin

 Kevin at L. A. Observed likes to run a Jacarandas in bloom photo every spring.

http://www.laobserved.com/

We assume that he also likes Christmas, therefore we assume that he will enjoy seeing this photo from Fremantle Western Australia that shows Christmas decorations with a blooming Jacaranda in the background.

Photo for Alan and Jersey Bill

Nikon Man

A photographer for Liquid Images

http://liquid-images.com/

not only bought a Nikon he displays his brand preference on his car, so, since both Alan over at Just Above Sunset Photo

http://www.justabovesunset.com/photography/

and Jersey Bill, are very happy with their Nikon cameras, we want to know why they don’t declair the brand alegiance to the world on their cars?  What’s holding you back, guys?

Missed Barking Frank Valentine

Due to the cold, I missed seeing the Aussie tribute to Tom Waits.

I think I’ve tunred the corner and am getting better.  It’s at the “cold breaking up” phase which is when it sounds the worst.

Last night I tried to post a photo of the “Goon Squad” but failed.  Will try again later today.  I was caughing a lot and so I creeped out of my room to reduce the noise for the othere in there.  Later when I can make some noise, I will go in and recover the disk and stuff.  Fo now, I’ll go get a coffee because it is just about 7 a..m. Sunday morning in Fremantle.  I thinkmeans t is about 4 p.m. on saturay in L. A.

To be continued . . .

The Goon Squad

The Goon Squad

At the hostel in Fremantle, folks sit around in the eveing and do what the Aussies call “yarning,” while drinking and smoking.

True Dat

Old Guys Rule

A clothing brand in Australia is called “Old Guys Rule.”

Mooks = Brand name in Oz

Mooks brand T-shirts

In Australia, Mooks is a brand name for a line of clothes.

Time warp

It’s time for the Monday morning news here in Perth, but back in the USA the guys with the Sunday Night Classics (country music) have enven started their program.

I believe that my cold is very much in remission.  I can talk and breath.  The girls in the “Goon Squad” helped with meds and teas.  I may go into Perth and explore today.

Alphainventions (?) has sent some new readers to this blog!

Now if the regulars in the Promobabble Patrol will only send the URL to all their friends and relatives, maybe we can start to grow this site.  The plug on the Bartcop site and the one on L. A. Observed helped get us listed on wordpress’ “hawt blogs” list. 

It seems that the best item on the site was the one about the Republicans getting ready to have an impeachment movement ready and in place for Inauguration Day.  Bi-partician support is for Republican Presidents only!

To be continued . . .

Doncha just love computers?

Everywhere I seem to have various degrees of trouble with flppies and downloading picturee via computers here in Oz.

It’s getting to be just too much hassle.

I may try again later on a different set of computers but then again…

I intended to go to Perth today, but may rest up since my cold ins’t fully finished with me yet.

It’s Monday afternoon and it’s funny to think that the Sunday night country music program may be just about to start back in L. A.

To be continued…

Three’s the charm (?)

The Brits

I told the Brits at the hostel that I would post a picture of them on my blog (that’s how desperated I get for new readers) and this is about the third attempt to post the picture, but it worked!, so I’ll get some new readers!

Info for my mates at LASAAC dot org

Cobra model

(Note the one foot ruler in background)

Cobra

This die cast Cobra is 1/12 scale and costs about $800 American.  It has the driver side on the left as it is in the USA.

For more info contact Fremantle Model Cars

Fremantlemodelcars@hotmail.com

or 618 933 57674 (mind the time difference)

or fax 618 933 54148

They have many die cast cars that are not available in the USA

or write to them at

Fremantle Model Cars

Shop 11

Atwell Arcade

Fremantle 6160

Western Australia

Will be posting real life car pictures as I get them, so check back from time to time.

“We can’t be bothered.”

Lazy B. awards

A game of Yehaaa!

Yehaaa!

The lads from London are introducing the game of “Yehaa!” into Australia.

Happy Birthday, Holly!

Holly

Tuesday was Holly’s Birthday.

Planning Committee

 

The Planning Committee worked in a shroud of secrecy for the surprise party.

Lawyer’s Theory

In Perth, today (Wednesday Nov. 26), I had lunch with a lawyer from Mandurah and the fellow who does both scuba and motorcycles has a theory that a much higher number of lawyers than statistics would predict, are into scuba and/or motorcycles because the high degree of concentration those activities require,  hence they take a lawyer’s mind away from his job.

Ya think?

“I am Grimaldi!”

The lasses from London like all the tourists, were looking forward to meeting, in some obscure South Seas port,  a Graham Greene type character who had been everywhere, seen everything, and met many important people.

Finding such a character would be a find and produce many great columns.

The girls have befriended an old American backpacker who has been to the Oscars, the Grammies, the Emmies, been to Paris, Casablanca, and Amsterdam, met folks like John Wayne and Macolm X, and he has had rides in a B-17G, world war II bomber, and the Goodyear blimp.

I don’t think I’m going to meet any such person, but I’ll keep on looking.

Nic in Kansas predicted (many years ago) this would happen.  To “get” the inside joke; Google:  “I am Grimaldi!”

A Swim in the Indian Ocean

Some of the girls from the “Goon Squad” were going to the beach today, so I tagged along.  We stopped at a fish and chips place before hitting the beach at Cotteslow and I had a Pineapple and also a banana fritter for lunch.  The beach weather was bright and beautiful.  The water was sparkling and clear showing off the blues and greens (I’m used to brown ocean water at Venice Beach). 

I went in for a “swim” and got battered about by the waves.  They seem much more rough than the ones back in the L. A. area.

Getting out of the surf was hectic.  The undertow effect was noticable. 

I believe this was the fist time I spent Thanksgiving day outside the USA.

To be continued . . .

Promobabble Report Indian Ocean Issue

Promobabble Report

Indian Ocean Issue

Nov. 28, 2008

Say a prayer

Promobabble Patrol member Jane Stillwater has had an alergical reaction to a medicine and is having some difficulty walking.  Since I was in a similar plight a year ago, I know what that feels like.  Please say a prayer for her this weekend.

Americans

Haven’t met meany Americans in Oz, but now there are two others staying at the hostel in Fremantle.  One from Oregon and one from (originally) Texas.

Is that all there is?

Not much else to say. 

Now, the disk jockey will play “Does Your Chewing Gum Loose It’s Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight?” and we’ll bounce out of here.  Have a “throw down your crutches and walk” type week.

Green Baseball Caps

We’ve been told that the crew of the Destroyer O’Brien has the distinction of being the only crew permitted to war green baseball caps.  A quick check online backs this up.

 

The O’Brien, DD975, has green baseball caps while all the others get to wear blue ones.

What is St. Patrick’s day like on that ship?

Old Cars in Oz

Holden Ute

This ute (utility vehcile) is a (about) 1961 Holden

Old Holden Sdn

This (about 1961) Moris Minor 1000 was seen at South Beach in Fremantle W. A.

This old Holden Sdn was seen at Fairway Panel and Paint in Fremantle Western Australia

Minor 1000

Indian Ocean Beachcomber’s Day

Old car mag

This 50+ year old copy of a British sports car magazine was found for sale in Fremantle in Western Australia.

Ship Wreck

 

This old ship wreck is on the Indian Ocean beach just south of South Beach near Fremantle W. A.

Pass the Word along

Will be going to Perth today.  People who like this blog should send the URL to their friends.  Folks who do not like this blog should send the URL to their posse and warn them not to read it.

Faisel, a guy here at the hostel in Freo, told me his claim to fame is that as a kid, Johnny Cash picked him up, held him in his arms, and told his mother he was a fine kid.

Will try to post photos from Perth later today.

Big Mouth

Big Mouth

They say it takes one to know one.

W. A. Museum

Faezil talks to his girlfriend from in front of the Western Australian Museum.

World’s Laziest Chef

My idea of cooking is a lot like dealing cards in Vegas:

Bread, bread, bread

Meat, meat, meat

Cheese, cheese, cheese

Mustard, mustard, mustard

Bread, bread, bread

Voila!  A three course meal.

Back in the day, I thought that it would be fun to host a cooking show.  (Didn’t Andy Warhol once say that everyone would have a world famous cooking show for 15 minutes?) 

I’d get a TV dinner, throw it in the microwave and then do commentary (snide remarks come naturally to an Irishman) and then when the bell rang, serve the meal to the crew.

(Send news tips and story ideas to:

worldslaziestjournalist@yahoo.com)

World’s Laziest Journalist Photos from Freo

L. A. Culture?

This is a reminder of the L. A. culture

Dress Shop?

 

This store makes it easy to see figure out what they sell.

Photo for Suzie-Q

Train whistles for sale

The train whistles remind me of the time . . .

The Church without Front Steps

Many years ago, Ripley’s “Beleve It or Not” ran an item stating tha t the only church in the United States without any front steps was St. Mary’s Catholic Church in Dunmore, Pa.

Google searches fail to reveal if that item still holds true.

One of the goals in this blog’s mission statement is to post items and information that is not found elsewhere on the Internets. 

Readers will post a comment if there is another chuch in the United States without any front steps, won’t they?

Send news items and topic suggestions to:

wolrdlslaziestjournalist@yahoo.com

Seems Familiar

Golden State

License plates informing folks that they are in “the Golden State” seem very familiar to people with a California driver’s license.

Money Maker

West Coast Eagles Fan

Couldn’t states in the U. S. A. make some extra cash by letting sports fans proclaim their allegiance to sports teams?  It seems that Western Australia has put that idea into action and has beat states such as California, to the punch.

Seasick Steve Alert!

So a blogger travels all the way to Australia and what kind of story does he find?

Stories about Americans who become popular in England before they are known back in the states are raher fun.  Didn’t that happen to the Pretenders?

So when a new member of the “Goon Squad” arrives in Fremantle, the music news from back home is that Seasick Steve is hot and getting hotter.

The blogger will alert his music oriented pals back in the states and post a blog report (with a link to Seasick Steve’s facebook page

http://www.myspace.com/seasicksteve) and wait to see how long after his report is posted, it take NPR to do a feature on the guy.

Steve’s songs are rather blues-ish, but apparently he doesn’t like to call himself a blues-man.

Send more good news tips to:

worldslaziestjournalist@yahoo.com

Sundowners at Sundown

Friends Fremantle style

Fremantle at sundown

The goon squad at the Roundhouse at the end of the day

a Seasick Steve fan

 

A new member of the goon squad brings word from England that Seasick Steve is making a big splash in the Brit music scene.

Prison Break Theme Park

Last night I met some new guys at the hostel and it seems they have come over to W. A. to work at a new theme park that is an adventure land based on the American TV series “Prison Break.”

Has the media in the USA covered this development?

Will post more details as they become available.

So much info such little amount of computer time

One of the drawaback to blogging in a hostel, is that the computer time runs out so fast you wind up cramming and skipping.  A trip to the Army Museum of Western Australia

http://www.armymuseumwa.com.au/

was excellent and there was much to jot down, but since computer time is running out all I can say is visit the web site (see link above) and that (attention Scranton) there will now be a new Australian version of “The Office,” but I don’t know the name of the town in Australia where it will (supposely) taking place.

Ka-Boom!

Ka-Boom!

The big Ka-boom at the Super Pit in Boulder West Australia on Tuesday Dec. 16, 2008.  In the right place at the right time.

Gridlock

Australia at Xmas time gets into a travel gridlock type mode.  Have pictures to post, but will wait until I get to a cheaper computer cafe (say back in Freo)

It will take about two days to get back to posting.

To be continued . . .

Will try to get to Canbarra for a car event.

Blog Demonstration

Hi gang!

I’m at the hostel in Kalgoorlie showing one of the guys how this blog thing works.

We’ll post this and will resume posting stuff about Oz (such as a story about the children’s book “The Secret Lives of Mr. and Mrs. Smith”) later.

To be continued . . .

Toy Library

I have more photos from Kalgoorlie, but I won’t be posting them until later.

I may or may not get to the Canberra for the Supernats.  If I do, I will post pictures and send a bunch to Just Above Sunset Photo for Alan to post.

In Kalgoorlie, there is a “Toy Library.”  Not sure what exactly it is, but it sounds like a great concept.  Kids get new toys, play with them for two weeks, then put them away and never use them again, so maybe the library concept can be applied to toys?

Steinbeck vs. Kerouac in Oz

Jack Kerouac seems to be more popular in Australia than Steinbeck.  Penguine has issued a new series of classics and the one source indicates that “On the Road” is the third most popular book in the series. 

Fruit picking is a big industry in Australia, but Steinbeck and “Grapes of Wrath” is rather unknown.  Perhaps the owners of the fruit farms prefer it if the workers don’t get radicalized by that book and have convinced publishers to ignore what some American critics think is the best American novel ever written?

Gavin Bishop (according to our source) has written a children’s book titled “The Private Lives of Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” which is about a pair of assassins who are married but unaware of the other’s job.  The author has noted the similarity to a recent movie that starred one of Hollywood’s power couples and is exploring the possibility that he may have the grounds for a plagiarism lawsuit.

His nephew is working in the mining town of Kalgoorlie and is into 4WD off-road adventures.  We have strongly suggested that he contact the American magazines devoted to that activity and try to do some stringing for them.  Some Americans would be surprised to see just how  big 4WD is in Western Australia.  It is very common to see vehicles on the street with snorkels and that indicates they must go through some rather deep streams.

We are trying to contact our friend Dennis Etchison to get some information about what a writer should do if he thinks he may have been “ripped-off” by a Hollywood movie maker.  (Dennis is also supposed to be starting some agenting activites for a new take on the vampire genre.  DE has his own agents but if he can sell the story to a magazine . . .)

In Kalgoorlie, we have made friends (using his laptop right now) a local journalist who will be working a monk’s existence in the mine fields for the next several months and we have told him of the theory that if you write a thousand words a day (after work) then by the end of a month he will have 30,000 words written.  Robert B. Parker recommended this daily workout for would  be writers.  If Greg is in the field for several months, he could, if he sticks to the 1,000 words a day goal, finish a novel while he is working on this new project.

Bill Bryson is considered a cultural treasusre by folks in Australia.  We have been told that “down under” is a pejorative term, but Bryson’s book about traveling in Australia, is titled “Down Under” in the copies for sale here in Australia.  (Did we get bogus information about “down under” being a pejorative term?)

We have picked up many more nuggests of literary information, but this quick post will have to do for now.

To be continued . . .

Say Whaaaaat?

A Tour?

Tourists in Kalgoorlie will find all kinds of diversions.

Best Christmas Ever?

What better Christmas present could a blogger want than a chance to scoop the New York Times.

I think I just did scoop the New York Times

http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/19380

and here

http://bartblog.bartcop.com/2008/12/23/questions-about-gen-pattons-death/

I guess that makes it the best Christmas ever!

Bic Church Key Trick

Bic Church Key

If you don’t know how to use a Bic lighter as a “church key,” then you have never really been to Australia.

A photo for Radio Rick

Fiat 500 in Freo

One of the new versions of the Fiat 500 was spotted in Fremantle W. A. on Chrismtas Eve.

World’s Laziest Journalist Blog’s New Readers

new readers

Running pictures of folks is one way to boost the number of hits on the Wrold’s Laziest Journalist’s blog.

If we run 100,000 mug shots we will get 100,000 readers, eh?

Rock star’s statue

Rock star's statue

Bon Scott statue

 

This statue of rock star Bon Scott is in Fremantle in Western Australia.

Postcard from Fremantle W. A.

Sunset in Fremantle

It’s easier to pay for computer time and post this shot of a ship at sunset taken in Fremantle Western Australia and hope that my friends see it, rather than sending them each a post card.

(Dennis, sell my story . . . please!)

World’s Laziest Journalist Story Updates

We promised more on the prison break theme park.

URL’s are

Adventure World

http://www.adventureworld.net.au/

and Sudden Impact Entertainment

http://www.suddenimpactentertainment.com/

All we give you is link so you can do your own fact checking?  Why do you think we have the title of “World’s Laziest Journalist”?

Bon Scott Statue

The reason that the city of Fremantle in West Australia has a statue of Bon Scott (from AC/DC) is because his family moved to “Freo” when he was less than 10 years old, so he attended school and high school in the port city on the Indian Ocean.

Drinking Song

Barstool Mountain sends many visitors to this site.  We mentioned that a song was missing from their list of 100 best drinking songs.  The missing song is Sigmund Romberg’s “The Drinking Song” from The Student Prince. 

Equipment upgrade

Writing stories on the fly using computers with time limits means there is likely to be less fact checking, so we are studying the possibility of getting a portable lap-top to use.

We urge readers to check out our columns on the web sites

Smirking Chimp

Bart Cop

Oped News

and to look for some of our photos on the Just Above Sunset Photo site and also on flickr  (search flickr for “bobby Kennedy 68 los angeles” and click on the one of him with a toy store sign in the background and follow that to more of our photos.)

To be continued . . .

Photo for Kim M. and “the load-man”

Photo for Kim M.

It’s very unlikely that Kim or “the Load-man” will ever see this photo, but the thing about running a blog is if the blogger likes the idea, then it gets done.

Finding the Columns written by the World’s Laziest Journalist

The pictures adn the blog items are here, but if you want to track down my columns follow these links:

http://www.smirkingchimp.com/author/bob_patterson

http://www.opednews.com/author/author20497.html

and check out the Bartcop blog page regularly

http://bartblog.bartcop.com/

Shroud of Turin Man

In Canberra, Australia, we’ve met the man whose image is on the Shroud of Turin

http://www.shroud.com/

Adam has studied magic and after traveling back in time, he used a trick taught to him by the Vatican 

http://www.vatican.va/

to appear on the shourd of Turin.

We took a picture of him, but we can’t post it because we don’t have access to a computer that takes floppy disks, so we will have to run an update with photo later after we get to a place (Sydney?) where we can post a picture that is on a floppy disk.

Sneezing and takin’ lotsa pictures

Will be going to the Summer Nats in Canberra today.  Will take lotsa pictures, but will not be able to post any until arrival in Sydney which should be in two days.

Got to see an (old) episode of Boston Legal last night. 

To be continued . . .

Hard rock vs. soft rock

Geologists are split into two camps.  The geologists who work in the gold fields of Kalgoorlie are hard rockers and can drill down to about 300 feet.  The guys who work with oil fields are the soft rockers and can drill a well down to 10,000 with no trouble.

Kalgoorlie reporter

We had a clip of the story from the Kalgoorlie Minor about how one of their reporters won a contest to be invited to the Paris Hilton NYE party in Sydney.  We lost the clip and can’t find it by doing a quick Google search.

It would have been a great story for Entertainment Tonight to pick up.

War Crimes trial

We did a column predicting that President Obama wouldn’t hold a war crimes investigation

http://bartblog.bartcop.com/2008/12/26/pardons-imply-guilt/

We got it posted on Bartcop, but didn’t have the compture time available to cross post it on other sites.

My prediction is that President Obama will not hold a war crimes investigation because he is trying to build a new coalition and not keep the country divided.

Fashion note from SummerNats 2009

Punk Fashion

Punk fashion was on display at Summer Nats 2009 held recently in Canberra.

Aussie Drinking Game

Oz drinking

An Australia drinking game involves taping a drink to the contestant’s hand.  This entry in the Summer Nats 2009, held recently in Canberra, shows what the taped drink bit looks like.

Summer Nats Photos

deuce coupe

flames

 

This 1932 Ford coupe was reported to have won the “best hot rod” award at the 2009 Summer Nats held recently in Canberra.

With surfboard

With surfboard

This motorcycle seen with a surbboard case attached, was seen at the 2009 Summer Nats in Canberra.

The World’s Laziest Journalist has posted additional photo coverage on another site.  Check out more at:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/8216859@N04/?saved=1

Photo for Ray at Jalopnik

Hoon?

 

So, if you can’t send a photo as an attachment for one particular editor at Jalopnik, what’s a blogger to do?

Well, you could publish the photo on the blog and send the bloke the link.

Americans might be a bit baffled by the word “hoon,” but car buffs in Australia know what it means.  This T-shirt helps American car fans get “hip.”  Photo was taken at Summern Nats 2009 held recently in Canberra.

Hot Dog War in Sydney

Picture Op

Hot dog war?

Folks enjoy a Harry’s hot dog in Syndey N. S. W. and take pictures, but Sydney’s heavyweight hot dog champion is being challenged by JD’s Dogs.

Harry’s Navy is seen in the background as customers enjoy a dog and the view.

Photos of the “Rocky” style challenger will be taken and added at a later update.

Judge St.

Judge St.

Sydney basks in the summer sun.  How’s the weather in Vt.?

Shroudman Update

Shroudman

Due to technical challenges, we could not include the photo of the man who claimes he traveled back in time and (using a trick learned from the Vatican), put his own image on the Shroud of Turin.

Now that we have a better computer available we can keep our promise and post the aforementioned photo.

Whatcha think?  Is it the same guy or not?

How do you say “OK” in Chinese?

OK in Chinese

This sign (on Orwell Street) in Sydney N. S. W. seems to answer the question.

Stay or Go?

A sign?

When I try to make up my mind I ask God to show me a sign (and he just did!).

Thank You AlphaInventions!

Building a large base of regular readers (so that we can go into the T-shirt busines

and become rich selling them) is difficult.  Getting folks to send new readers such as

http://www.alphainventions.com/

has done recently helps, so we just want to say:  “Thank you!” to Alpha Inventions.

Where is Fred C. Dobbs when we really need him?

Prospector's H of F

As far as we could tell (we asked and looked) we could not

find any reference to Fred C. Dobbs in the Prospector’s Hall

of Fame in Kalgoorlie W. A.

Santa Moncia Flashback

Nick Cave in Sydney

Nick Cave will headline a concert featuring Ex-pats in Australia for the Sydney Summer Festival.  (Note the iconic Coke ad to the right of this ad for the upcoming Nick Cave event in Sydney.)

http://sydneyfestival2009.blogspot.com/2008/12/nick-cave-on-cockatoo-island.html

Didn’t he and his backup band play for years at a pub on Lincoln Blvd. in Santa Monica?

Man with a Cause

Save the Children

Rather than give a donation to a young man promoting Save the Children, we promised to run this picture and post a link to his organization.

http://www.savethechildren.org.au/index.html

Where Did Flordia Go?

Sunshine State

If Queensland is “the Sunshine State,” where does that leave Florida?

How does it taste?

Kangaroo marinated tastes quite a bit like my mom’s marinated flank stake.  At least I do not have to say:  “It tasts like chicken.”

Skid Row Radio

Harry Shearer

http://harryshearer.com/

always brags that Santa Monica is “home of the homeless” and sometimes adds the sobriquette “skid row by the sea.”

Does Sanat Monica have a radio station for the folks on Skid Row?

Sydney in New South Wales has a radio station for the homeless

http://www.addisonrdcentre.com.au/index.php?option=com_content&task=section&id=21&Itemid=81

Bird Photos

Bird

We’ve fallen a bit behind in our task of sending photos of birds in Australia to Alan at http://www.justabovesunset.com/photography/

We’ll try to do better and get them sent off in a timely manner.

Cops and doughnut shops

One of the wildest unsubstantiated rumours heard during a vacation in Australia was that J. Edgar Hoover was one of the founding investors in Dunkin’ Doughnuts.

This plays on many jokes about cops and doughnuts, but have you ever asked a copy about the connection?

Back in the day, (before patrol cars were equipted with comuters) policemen were reluctant to go back to their office to do their paperwork because when they sat down at their desks, the command watch officer would come over and put them to work on something more urgent.

Going into a coffee shop meant spending a few bucks and adding a bit more for a tip for the waitress, so that wasn’t a cost effective idea.

The cheapest place to find a cuppa and a table to write on was the local doughnut shop, so they would go there, spend the minium and print out (no writing in longhand) their reports in relative peace and quiet.

(Speaking of doughnuts, Kripy Kreme doughnuts are a common sight on Australia’s East Coast, but they are unavailable in Western Australia and are often “smuggled” in to W. A. by travelers.)

[Sidebar:  In Sydney folks can listen to FBi radio.  (Note the downstyle "i".)

http://www.fbi.org.au/content.php/3.html]

So now you know.

Hot (under) Dog

Hotdog

Liam O'Neil

 

The underdog in the David vs. Goliath battle for the bragging rights for  ”best” hotdog in Sydney is JD’s Dogs where size matters.

Symbolism?

Orwell Street

Shouldn’t someone who is living the “Down and Out in Perth and Frisco” lifestyle be living on “Orwell Street”?

Lolita Sunglasses

In Australia, this summer, one fashion mini-trend is the return of the heart shaped sun glasses made famous by the posters for the 1958 film version of Lolita.

http://picturez2.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/lolita-1962.jpg

The heartshaped sunglasses became an American icon when the film was released, but the thing of it was, she never wore them in the film.  Photographer Bert Stern

http://www.bertstern.com/

took still shots to be used on the movie posters and on an impulse he bought a pair of heartshaped sunglasses and took the shot after the film had been completed, so you never see the actress, Sue Lyon, wearing them in the film.

Will Fashionistas take a hint from Australia and wear them when summer comes to the Northern Hemisphere? 

Stay tuned . . .

What the . . . heck?

The all news all the time radio station in Canberra apparently has the call letters:  666

http://www.abc.net.au/canberra/radio/

What the . . . heck, kinda call letters is that?

A slight advantage in the Battle of the Coral Sea

When Americans see a tourist attraction in Australia, their automatic reaction (according to what Australians tell this columnist) is to tell the Aussies just where and how it has been done better in the USA.

There are exceptions to everything and when it comes to  the <a href =http://www.awm.gov.au/> Australian War Museum</a> there’s no contest that the Aussies have outdone America because there is nothing like it in the USA.

One of the most interesting items for Americans is the documentary about the <a href =http://www.history.navy.mil/photos/events/wwii-pac/coralsea/coralsea.htm>Battle of the Coral Sea</a>. 

In books published in America (as the columnist recalls), the American success was attributed to luck and skill.  In the film shown in the museum in Canberra, the audience is told that the Americans had cracked the code being used by the Japanese military and knew what they were going to do before they started their response.

If the Americans had broken the code after the attack on Pearl Harbor, that means they did so while at war and were able to distribute listening abilities down to the combat level of operations in five months. 

If, however, the Americans had broken the code before the attack on Pearl Harbor, that tends to indicate that some high-level decisions were made which helped involve the United States in the World War by avoiding evasive action which could have diminished the effect of the ”surprise” attack.

Americans can’t tell the Australians that the Yanks have done National War Museums better because a Google search for a National War Museum was inconclusive.  There were specialized war museums, but not a generic all inclusive National American War Museum .  A future column will be written urging that the United States should have such an entity, but for this column, we will just note that the Australian Museum’s reputation for scholarly research and the information that the Japanese code had been broken only five months after the attack on Pearl Harbor has disturbing important implications for Americans.  If a Democratic President could lie about not knowing that the Japanese were going to make a surprise attack, then surely a Republican President can tell a few innocuous fibs about Saddam’s Weapons of Mass Destruction, can’t he?

Franklin D. Roosevelt said:  “Yesterday, Dec. 7, 1941 – a date which will live in infamy – the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.”  He didn’t call it a “surprise attack.”

Now the disk jockey will play Willie Nelson’s song, <a href =http://www.actionext.com/names_w/willie_nelson_lyrics/old_age_and_treachery.html> Old Age and Treachery,” </a> and we will vanish.  Have a “what you don’t know, won’t hurt you” type week.

Andrew’s in Canberrra

Andrew's

This coffee cafe is in Canberrra.  Too bad it isn’t on Judge St. in Sydney.

American Flashback

Raiders

Americans from the Bay Area (or who lived in L. A. in a certain era) will have a flashback when they see supporters of a Canberra team showing the world that they support the local team.

If you say so . . .

Tree Sign

Warning sign seen in Sydney N. S. W.

Is it a warning?

Warning?

Don’t give this motorist a hard time, eh, mate?

Was the Chrysler building an influence for . . .

Architectural Influence?

Do you think that the Chrysler Building in New York City might have had some role as an influence for the guy who did the architecture for the Luna Park in Sydney New South Wales?

Postcard from Sydney

Postcard from Sydney

It’s cheaper to post a photo on the blog than to send postcards to all my friends (and anyone else who finds this blog!)

Odd Statues in Canberra

Art?

Statues

 

This odd bit of art was found in Canberra.  Is it supposed to look like some sheep are playing a very kinky version of “let’s play doctor!”?

“Have a little more Champaign, my dear?”

Champaign?

Callling Rev. Dan and his “Music for Nimrods” program (Sat. 3 a.m. to 6 a.m. PST) from Australia is too expensive, but maybe Jersey Bill who can do it for me between 6 a.m. and 9 a.m. EDT) will be able to dial 310-338-5958 and act as our proxy?  Isn’t it time to ask for “Have a little more Champaign, my dear?” (done by Jim Backus)?

This couple is shown enjoying a sunset in Fremantle, Western Australia.

Cowabunga, dude!

Surfer

We’re no longer in Malibu, Toto!  It’s not too hard to tell what kind of shop this plaque marks in Fremantle, Western Australa.

Does this look familiar?

Familiar Graphics

This logo looks kinda familiar.  Maybe some graphic artist from NYC can remind us why that’s so.

Climbing a ladder . . .

Ladder Boy?

A line in a Waylon Jennings song referred to the meaning of life:  “Climbing a ladder to a hole in the ground.”

January White Sale?

Sale?

It’s time for January White Sales all over the world.  One thing it doesn’t mean, in Australia, is trudging through the snow to get the bargains because it’s been rather warm in Sydney during the after Christmas sales.

Good Morning, Sydney!

Good Morning!

According to the conventional wisdom in the USA, there are only two kinds of people in the world;  those who say:  “Good morning, God!,” and those who say:  “Good God! Morning!”

Are you going to change your ways or does the disk jockey have to play “Ghost Riders in the Sky” for you to see the way?

The disk jockey is an ordained minister

http://www.themonastery.org/

The Philosophy of Gonzo Journalism

Gonzo Philosophy

Gonzo Philosophy is an oxymoron.  Gonzoists want to have fun and cause trouble. 

If (for instance) someone has won one of the Hunter S. Thompson Writing Grants from the Gonzo Journalism Foundation (for the promotion and practice of Gonzo Journalism) has a chance to go to the United States and write about the e-hippie existence in the land of Opportunity, he would be back on the road ASAP.  Hence, tomorrow at a bit past 10 a.m. we make a blog post from Sydney NSW.  At 11 a.m. the same day (maybe noon?) we will make a post from San Francisco.

Ready or not, here we come .  . .

Los 3 Caballeros

Caballeros

Staying at the Sydney Central Backpackers hostel, one will find a virtual U. N. variety of nationalities such as this trio there in January of 2009.

Odd Logo

Odd logo

Squint and see if this logo doesn’t look rather Third Reich-ish to you.

Roof-top Rock

Roof-top Rock

Air guitar star

 

If this doesn’t get these guys to send the URL to their pals, I guess it ain’t gonna happen.

Burgerfuel

Kiwi burger`

Same size model?

Burgerfuel is (according to what we were told at the outlet in the Kings Cross section of Sydney) a New Zeland burger chain that is hoping to expand into the US market.

This shop features what looks to be a 1:1 plactic model kit for an Austin Mini on the ceiling.

People need to eat just bout as often a car needs to stop at a gas station, so why not combine the two images  into one new marketing plan?

Who is that gonzo journaist . . .?

reflection

Going Gonzo?

Just (Don’t) Do It!

Just (Don't) Do It

This sign in Sydney advises viewers not to play this piano.  Other pianos are all over Sydney inviting musicans to play them.

Give It a Try!

Play it

Pianos have been distributed in various sposts in Sydney New South Wales with invitations for folks to play ‘em.

Are they following me?

Follow me!

Is a camera crew from a famous news organization getting their news by following the World’s Laziest Journalist around?

Are you from Santa Monica?

The Australian Museum

While walking around in Sydney (NSW) we had the impulse to ask a fellow if he was from Santa Monica.  He wasn’t.  He turned out to be Ash from Edinburgh Scotland.

One sure way . . .

Visiting Sydney

The one sure way to get folks to read your blog is to take a picture of them and post it and then hope they send the URL to all their family and friends.

The Longest Day

Sydney at sunset

This was the sunset as seen from Sydney on my last night in Australia.

It’s sad to be leaving.

It seems that there wasn’t a week in Australia whern I didn’t hear Johnny Cash’s music.  Elvis is also played very much.  On Monday afternoon, I heard (at a Cuban cafe) Edith Piaf.

There will be more to post later.  They sell mixed cocktails in a can in Oz and call them RTD’s (Ready to Drink.)

I may have become dependent on sausage rolls.

Today started at (of course) midnight in Sydney a little after 1600 hours I will get on a jet and head for San Francisco.  I think the flight takes 17 hours and I will arrive in SFO at just about this time (It’s 10:38 a.m. on Jan. 20, 2009) and will have about 14 hours more of this day left.  That adds up to about 47 hours.  When I arrive in San Fran, I will try to post another report at noon (or so) and when the day is over, there will be a new president of the United States and I will have traveled a good number of miles, and then it will be time to look for new information to post on this blog.

Darknesss at sundown

Time Travel

It is Tuesday Jan. 20, 2009 and I am in San Francisco, CA.   It is just a bit after 1 p.m.  Since I left Sydney NSW at about 4 p.m. on Jan 20, 2009, one of my goals in life has been achieved.  I have traveled back in time.

(Yahoooo!)

Spiritual Guidance

If someone (such as the disk jockey) is an ordained minister, were would he go for spiritual advice and guidance?

In late April, Bloomsbery plans to publish Jessica West’s new book
“What Would Keith Richards Do?: Daily Affirmations from a Rock and Roll Survivor.”

Our disk jockey can hardly wait.

To which we can only add:  “God bless you, Keith Richards!”

Eureka!

How do some web sites attract readers?

We were walking around in Kalgoorlie Western Australia and we saw a 4WD with a sign on it.  Must be a guy blogging his travels, eh?  So we typed it in

http://www.marcozangger.ch/

Sure enough!  It was the site for some couple blogging about driving around in Australia.  One of his links leads to a site for folks blogging about their 4WD adventures.

Aussie Trip in brief

This report will be an update for all the folks whose e-mail address I collected while traveling in Australia.

My stay in Sydney in November was longer than expected because I had to wait for some paperwork (debit card) to arrive from the USA.

One of the pictures I took of folks climbing the Sydney Harbor Bridge (used a telephoto lens shooting from the Pylon) is supposed to be used for a travel guide for Sydney.

Photos of the bats in the Botanical Garden got hits.

On the Saturday, when I walked into the top rated hostel in Melbourne, there was a kid with a broken beer bottle threatening the security guard.  I said it was very nostalgic for someone who had worked in New York City.  I was booking a flight out of that city by Monday.

There were more banking troubles in Aus when I got to Fremantle.  NAB (National Australian Bank) was very helpful in setting up a bank account in their country.

Had fun with the girls of the “Goon Squad” in Fremantle.  I wonder if the real estate salesman took my suggestion and put an ad in one of the weekly papers in Malibu.

Kalgoorlie was fun and I hope I was able to help Sam find some help for his uncle’s possible plagiarism case.

I hope Greg is keeping to his plan to do some serious writing while working in the mines.

Back in Fremantle for Christmas, I found the statue of Bon Scott and took a bunch of pictures.  He was born in Scotland, but raised in Fremantle, so they are proud of their former citizen and have erected the statue of him.  Those pictures bring hits to this blog.

Canberra was very quiet in the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, but I enjoyed seeing the Summer Nats car event and the pictures from that have brought a great many hits to this web site.

It was very reassuring to come back to Sydney and know where I wanted to go and how to get there.

It seems that every country with an east coast and a west coast have a strong east vs. west coast rivalry.  I like Sydney, but if I had to choose, I think I would rather live in W. A.

Now, if I can start making a fortune (Republican style) by selling T-shirts via this blog, I may be able to afford a return visit next Christmas/Summer to W. A.

Film Noir Note

If you just happen to be in the San Francisco area you have a great opportunity available this week, because the Film Noir festival is underway there now

http://www.noircity.com/program1.html#blindspot

Info for my mates in Sydney

Hi SCB Hostel gang!

I was fact checking some Sydney stuff and found a place (down in the Wooloomooloo section of town) that seems to be a local community resource which you might like to use (if you want to do workouts):

http://www.cityofsydney.nsw.gov.au/residents/RecreationAndLearningCentres/JuanitaNielsenLeisureCentre.asp

It’s cold and rainy in the San Francisco area and sundown comes about 6 p.m.

He’s OK!

A friend at the SCB Hostel asked me to post a bit of information that she says refutes a well known (false) urban legend.

Germans like David Hasselhoff, but he isn’t as wildly popular as most Americans believe.  He is (my friend tells me) well liked but the Germans think that the idea that they love, love, love him is a bit of an urban legend gone awry.

http://www.davidhasselhoff.com/

Perhaps if he produced a German style Hasselhoff beer, the folks in Germany would live up to the “completely bonkers” version of the story that Americans believe?

That plot sounds familiar

The IMDB description of the plot outline for the 1946 Australian movie, “The Overlanders,” sound very familiar:

“A Group of Misfits Drive Cattle Across the Australian Interior.”

For more see:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0038821/

1908 Flashbacks

In 1908, there was a New York to Paris automobile race.  The 2009 New York to Paris “Great Race” will begin on April 25, 2009, according to their web site:

http://www.greatrace.com/newsite/

The 1908 White Fleet trip around the world celebrated its 100 annivsary in 2008, but we didn’t hear about it until we were in Australia.

http://www.historicalbany.com.au/whitefleet.htm

The USS John McCain visited Sydney and Melbourne as part of the centenial clebration.

http://perth.usconsulate.gov/perth/programs/2008.html

Better late than never, we say:  “Bully!”

Hidden Bunny

Playboy magazine reportedly has a bunny image on every cover.  Some are more difficult to spot than others.

Would it be too subtle if they used a painted by Australian painter (one of his paintings is in the New South Wales Art Museum) Rupert Bunny

http://www.adb.online.anu.edu.au/biogs/A070483b.htm

to continue the tradition?

We’ll send a link to this suggestion to our pal at the Playboy blog

http://www.playboy.com/blog/

and see if he likes the idea.

Stop the Toad

The “stop the toad” bumper stickers seen in Western Australia have nothing to do with Mr. Toad and his truly remarkable automobile. 

http://www.enotes.com/wind-willows-text/

It refers to the cane toad which is threatening to enter Western Australia and cause some woes.

http://www.stopthetoad.org.au/

Flower Power

flower power

When signs with blooming flowers begin to appear (on the streets of Berkeley), amid the barren winter trees, that’s a sure sign that Spring (and Spring Semester) will arrive soon.

Staute of a dog

Ivan

Queen Victoria’s dog, Ivan, has been honored with a statue in Sydney, New South Wales.

Graffiti Sneakers

Graffiti Sneakers

 [Note this posting updated on June 30, 2010.

This is probably the most popular item on our blog and so we talked to the artist again and have learned that the newest best link is

www.filthy510.wordpress.com

He has moved from the old location and is now working at Galaxxi Tatoo across the street at 2431 Telegraph Ave.]

Alejandro Flores makes custom hand painted sneakers using graffiti style lettering.   We noticed them in the window as we were walking by

Filthy Dripped on Telegraph Ave. (in Berkeley)

http://www.filthydripped.com/about/

and thought that we’d found a good item for this blog.

unique shoes

The artist told us that he has been feature in Rolling Stones magazine (dang! there goes our “scoop”!  Oh well, maybe Vogue will read our blog and steal this item from us and not from Jann Wenner’s publication.

Sneaker

Fashion items do seem to bring a goodly number of hits and building circulation numbers for this blog is the name of the game!

When the Song is wrong

leaves are gone?

The words to the song are “all the leaves are gone/ and the sky is grey” but it wasn’t like that today in Berkeley.

Smiling Dog Pix

There is a (new?) magazine that is inviting their readers to submit photos of their smiling dogs.

http://www.thebark.com/

We hope our friend “Jersey Bill” has a good one of Auggie smiling so that it can be submitted and bring Auggie a greater amount of fame and fortune.

Tip for writiers

There is a magazine called “Going Bonkers” and it has been around for a good number of years.

Here is the link to the writers’ guidelines page

http://www.gbonkers.com/writer_guidelines.htm

Imponderable Questions (No. 1)

Do nudist magazines ever titillate readers with a “bathing suit” issue?

Helen Keller Jokes

After hearing, while in Australia, a Helen Keller joke, I asked my punk rock consultant if she and her pals knew about them.  She didn’t and had to be informed about them.

http://www.jokechallenge.com/keller.html

My consultant thought they were “sick.”

The last time, before hearing the one in Australia, that I had heard one must have been over thirty years ago.

Smurfs singing a Country Song with German lyrics

If you have never heard the Smurfs singing a country song with German lyrics then click this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-4O_YgffOM

Floating VW

Do you recall the ad with the floating VW?  Was it the National Lampoon that parodied the ad with their own version?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/9c/TeddyVWad.jpg

Lace Museum?

Folks from Scranton might (because of their Scranton Lace Works) be interested in knowing bout the LACIS Museum of Lace and Textiles in Berkeley.  They cover costumes, books, tools and materials.  They are at 2982 Adeline St. and their web site is at

http://lacismuseum.org/

Didn’t a guy from the Santa Monica Outlook do a book about unusual and remarkable museums of the US?

Imponderable Questions (No. 2)

Recently we noticed that new baby strollers have a seat-belt that secures the child into the stroller rather completely.  Kids have to have seat-belts in cars too.

Twenty years from now will there be an increase in the number of people who take a sudden interest in bondage because of all the restraints they used when they were kids?

“The” (1959) Caddy tailfin turns 50

Has anyone (else) noted that the famous 1959 Cadillac tail-fin is celebrating its 50th birthday this year?

Journal of an e-beatnik

Notes for Chapter One

On Tuesday, I called about getting the list of phone numbers from the Senior Housing Office.  When they determined that I had registered with them and didn’t have a local address, they suggested that I drop by and pick up the list of numbers.

 

I took two busses ($.25 cents old folks off-peak hours) and got there in about an hour and go the list of phone number that has been misplaced since September. 

 

I wrote a column for Smirking Chimp at the Santa Monica Public Library.  You compose on one set of computers and get Internet access on different ones.  I (thought I) put the column on a floppy disk, but when I got to the Internet access computers I couldn’t open the file.  Kiss that column goodbye.

 

I check Craigslist, sent e-mails, wrote down phone numbers, and then monitored the jungle drums on the Liberal blogisphere.

 

I hustled myself back to my host’s pad.  I had to pay $2.80 for a bottle of Diet Root Beer, that sells for (about) $.90 during sales events at the big chain markets. 

 

Notes for Chapter Two

The phone number for the Section 8 housing, on the list I got yesterday, had recorded information calling “this year” 2004.  Nothing like keeping citizens up-to-date on government information hotlines, eh?

 

I walked to a nearby Section 8 housing facility and learned that they were run by the Housing Authority of L. A.  Since I knew just where the WLA office was, I hopped on a bus and went over.

 

They gave me a very similar phone number 252-2500.  So I will try to call that number tomorrow morning.

 

I asked if I could get two sheets of blank legal size paper but was told that times are bad and they couldn’t give me two sheets of paper.  I guess the media that thinks the bail-out funds are going to be pork barrel projects would be glad to see that government employees are being very vigilant about waste, so there’s no worries (mate!).

 

I then mailed a letter to a Democratic pal who is very hard to contact.  Could it be that during hard times, Democrats don’t want to be put to the old “one for all and all for one” acid test of being asked for help?  Perish the thought.  I just want to have lunch with him and tell him about a great “based on true events” story (escaped POW) I found in Western Australia.  He tends to be very cautious and makes it hard to contact him.

 

I mailed off the letter and then walked over to a friend’s place because he hasn’t returned my phone calls for the last few calls.  Some a few months back before going to Australian and then one yesterday. 

 

He becomes a bit of a recluse and so I will try to bribe him into having lunch with me by offering him a copy of a 50 year old British car magazine.  He likes cars and car magazines, so maybe he will go for the offer?

 

Then I went to the Santa Monica Senior Center and signed up for lunch this Saturday.

 

I ran into one of the former photographers for the Santa Monica Outlook and got his e-mail address.  (Building a million reader blog one new “subscription” at a time!)

Dracula’s ring up for bids

A trove of Hollywood memorabilia will be sold via auction.

Items from Forest J Ackerman’s collection will be sold (see links below )

at auction.

For more information about the material and the auction use these links

news story

http://www.times-standard.com/entertainment/ci_11626725

old page about collection

http://www.seeing-stars.com/Museums/ForrestAckerman.shtml

Journal of an e-beatnik cont.

Beatnik Journal Notes for Chapter Four

 

The place near SMC was rented by the time I called back on Thursday.  I like the way the kid didn’t even say an insincere “sorry.”  Will folks doing things like that be Bush’s real legacy?

 

I found another ad for a bed near UCLA. 

 

It turned out to be a young woman renting bed space in her bedroom.  For an old guy, this made it seem like one of two things:  either she hasn’t thought it through or she’s a drama about to happen.  Either way, no thanks!

 

It rained Thursday and my plastic poncho that I’ve had for years (Decades?) got put to use.  It traveled all over the US and Australia in its package, but now it has been used and will have to be discarded.

 

Republicans seem to take care of each other.  One for all and all for one.  Democrats seem to adopt the Republican philosophy during hard times.  They want their friends to realize that they should take care of themselves and not ask for anything from fellow Democrats, such as crash pads or what have you.  Obviously there are some exceptions to the rule, but a goodly number of folks are not returning my calls.

 

Air fares are falling.  If folks have lost their jobs and their homes then they have no excuse for not going on a trip, do they?  Yeah, if you’d loose your job or (if you miss a house or car payment) face repossession, but if you don’t have any of that to worry about why not check out the new low airfares?  A new VAustralia (Virgin?) is offering RT LA-Sydney-LA for only $777.  Yeah, but fall and winter are coming on down there.  There is still about a month and a half of summer left, though . . . .

 

A call to the main number for the Section 8 Housing part of the Housing Authority for L. A. produced the information that they are (just as in 2004) not taking applications at this time.  If they start doing so again, they’ll put notices in the media.  Until then, see if a friend can let you sleep on the couch for a short time. 

Imponderable Question (No. 3)

There are film festivals featuring noir classics in both San Francisco and Palm Springs.  Why isn’t there one in Los Angeles, which is synonymous with the stories about pulp fiction detectives’?

 

Notes for Chapter 5

Notes for Chapter Five

Rain was predicted all day Friday and so I finished up at the SMPL early and headed back to the crash pad.  I got there before a big ole rain storm came along.

 

It was still looking like rain on Saturday morning but as the day moves along, the weather gets better and better.

 

Dennis E is supposed to catch up with me today at the SMPL. 

 

Will put the floppy disks from the Australia trip in storage and that seems (symbolically) like it puts “30” to the trip.

 

Have to remember to do a tribute to Johnny Cash before the 13^th because (as I recall) that’s his birthday.

 

Called Rev. Dan this morning.  Don’t know where I’ll be next Saturday morning or if I’ll be able to call him.

Don’t be (too) cruel!

Would it be too mean for a columnist to use this title for his autobiography:

“Memoirs of an Alzheimer’s Victim”?

Snoring Games

Is it true that this year, during the annual Snoring meet, some participants slept all the way through their turn to compete?

What’s that word?

When it begins to rain, a film will form on the surface of a lake.  The Germans have a word for that film.  There is no word in English for it.

I learned that word many years ago.  Now I forget it.

Anyone know that word?

Follow the money

If you like money, you might like this web site

http://www.wheresgeorge.com/

Urban Legend or True Story?

Urban legend or good script idea for a “road picture”? 

 

Back in the Fifties, during a trip we  (probably one of the ones I made with Aunt Dorothy) made to New York City to go to the old Barnes and Nobel book store (when there was only one in the whole world) each time an new volume of Admiral Morrison’s History of U. S. Naval Operations in World War II was published), we took a cab trip and we must have asked about how far their service extended because the guy told us that during WWII, a bunch (four, five or six?) of sailors hopped into a cab and told the drive to take them to the San Diego Naval Base,  According to our informant, he cleared the trip with his dispatcher and off they went.  He didn’t seem to be “putting us on.”  He relayed it as a true incident from the war, type story.

 

Is that an urban legend?  If it really happened, it might make a good road picture, eh?

 

 If this story is based on a true incident and you know some of the details please post them in a comment.  Thanks!

 

Would you buy a used car . . .

If someone offered you a copy of an autographed copy of a  Philip K. Dick book that was published after he died, would you buy it or pass?

According to a fellow who was a friend of Dick’s, after he died a book was published and the publisher used the signature part of Dick’s personal checks (which the publisher got from the widow) to produce autographed copies of the new book.  That would be an interesting collectible with a great story to go along with it.

Tonight Show hosts

So you think you know the history of Tonight Show hosts?  OK!  Who was the host (for just five weeks) between Steve Alan and Jack Paar?

Did you say Al “Jazzbo” Collins?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al_%22Jazzbo%22_Collins

“You are correct, sir!” as Ed McMahan used to say.

Oscar Predictions

Oscar Predictions

Best wit Oscar Wilde

Best boxer Oscar de la Hoya

Best Race Car Driver Oscar Kovaleski (of Scranton!)

Best Pianist Oscar Petersen

Best autobiographer    Oscar Levant

Best hot dog Oscar Meyer

Best costume Oscar de la Renta

Beatnik, hippie, or vagabond?

If Perth is a bit east of Fremantle and a fellow

leaves Perth going East, eventually, he will get back

to Fremantle, wouldn’t he?

That is the quest/question for my latest column on

Smirking Chimp

http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/20392

Best Production car ever?

40 Ford

This blogger believes that the best most desirable production car ever was the 40 Ford DeLuxe Coupe.  We saw one for sale on Wilshire Blvd. in Santa Monica on Saturday.

We can’t buy the car.  No tengo dinero.  We can’t take pictures and send them to Jalopnik because the DOTS cars have to be seen (and photographed) on the streets and seeing one in a show room doesn’t seem to qualify.

What a co-inky-dink!

According to one online site, a civilian DC-3 was involved in the hostilities at Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7, 1941.

A tracer round hit the airpane and started a fire.

Another round hit a fire extinguisher and set it off and that put the fire out.

Here is the link to the page

http://members.iinet.net.au/~gduncan/1941.html#lesser_known_1941

What a co-inky-dink!

Main Ave.

Many US towns have a Main St., but Scranton Pa. was in Ripley’s Believe It or Not because (he said) Scranton was the only town in the USA to have a Main Avenue.

Dunno if that still holds true.

Are you from Santa Monica? (2)

If you see a DC-3 airplane, you don’t have to ask that question.  All DC-3′s were manufactured in Santa Monica.

For an large collection of DC-3 related links go to this page:

http://www.douglasdc3.com/

Ginmill History

The Palomino in North Hollywood was a legendary venue for country music artists.

What was its name before it became “the Pal”?

Reportedly it was the location for something called “The Mule-kick saloon.”

We tried to confirm this fact online but could not find any reference to this bit of trivia.  This blog tries to present material not found elsewhere online.

Another one bites the dust

Another American newspaper is gone.

http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/20509

Movie Trivia

One of the few times John Wayne sang in a movie he performed a song which was again sung (about 20 years later) in a different movie by Mick Jagger.  What was the song; what were those two movies?

 

In “The Quite Man,” John Wayne sang “Wild Colonial Boy.”  Later, in “Ned Kelly,” Mick Jagger was on the soundtrack album singing that same traditional ballad.

Santa Monica History

While we were in Canberra at the end of 2008, we heard the song about Santa Monica Blvd.  That made us wonder how many folks in Canberra knew that Santa Monica Blvd., used to be named Oregon Ave.?

The name was changed (according to this web page

http://www.santamonicalandmarks.com/landmk30.html)

in 1912.

There is an Oregon Ave. in Bekeley, CA, too.

Triple Perfect Pun in English

A ranch in Texas needed a name and so the owners, three brothers, asked their mom for suggestions.  She told them to name the place:  Focus.  They asked her to explain her suggestion.  She said it was because focus was where her sons raise meat and also because when you focus with a magnifying glass, it is where the sun’s rays meet.

The story is regarded as having the only triple perfect pun in the English language.

How many?

How many women have been awarded a U. S. Congressional Medal of Honor?

If you say:  “None!,” you will be wrong!

There was one:

http://www.defenselink.mil/news/newsarticle.aspx?id=42772

To lazy to steal

On days when we can’t come up with a blog entry we could go to one of the books from Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader – here’s their URL

http://www.bathroomreader.com/pilot.asp

and steal something interesting, but we don’t have one of their books handy right now, so all we can do is urge you to buy one (some) of their books.

Shoes on a wire

On Wednesday, March 4, 2009, the SF Chronicle (on page B-2)  answered a question about the phenomenon of pairs of shoes dangling from a wire.  In their answer they noted the existence of a web site covering that niche subject

http://www.shoefiti.com/

It seems that the site considers that the act of putting the shoes on display that way qualifies as graffiti.

If it was graffiti, wouldn’t Banksy, the worlds foremost graffiti artist, have said something about the use of shoes on a wire? 

While doing fact finding for this item we found a place that seems to offer typefaces in the graffiti style.

http://graffiticreator.net/

Freedom of Speech Issue Returns (Briefly) to Berkeley

If the Mediterranium Cafe in Berkeley was good enough for Jack Kerouac, then having breakfast there while staying in this University town is good enough for this columnist.  Since they have copies of the Daily Californian (THE UCB student newspaper) it’s possible that a fellow could come up with a column idea while enjoying one of the omelets with feta cheese.  Sure enough, we hadn’t even unfolded the tabloid size paper out, when we noticed a teaser at the top of the front page that read: “Freedom of the Press:  Students stand in solidarity with Oregon paper.” 

On page four of the Friday, March 6, 2009, issue there was an expression of solidarity with the students on the staff of the Daily Emerald, the University of Oregon’s student newspaper, who had gone on strike on Wednesday.

The thought that the students at Berkeley were getting involved in a freedom of speech issue seemed like it might be worth mentioning in a column, particularly because it could be linked to another facet of the topic that hasn’t been discussed much . . . yet.  (Isn’t freedom of the press a subcategory of freedom of speech?)

Gee, do you think that Rush Limbaugh, who, at times, seems frantic over the possibility that the fairness doctrine will impinge on his freedom of speech, will come to the defense of the kids at the Daily Emerald and spotlight their plight?

The Emerald staff was was protesting “the attempts of its board of directors to install a publisher with unprecedented control over the newsroom,” so they went out on strike.  A scab produced issue was published on Thursday.  On Friday 34 college newspapers were printing the statement of solidarity.  Other student newspapers joining The Daily Californian were:  The Daily Bruin (UCLA), The Daily Kent Stater, The Daily Princetonian, The Daily Targum (Rutgers University), The Independent Alligator (The University of Florida), the Ubyssey (University of British Columbia) and about two dozen others.

Odds are Rush Limbaugh won’t say a word to help the Daily Emerald staff, but when the time comes for him to use the freedom of speech issue for his own advantage, he’ll get his compatriots on the various evening news broadcast to paul-parrot his talking points.  (Perhaps his wealthy industrial backers are also the various anchors’ bosses and that might have something to do with any future show of solidarity between the TV network broadcasters and fatso.)

Meanwhile the staff of the Daily Emerald will be the point persons for now.  This just in:  By Friday night resumption of publication by the student staff for the Monday issue was being reported by James Romenesko of the Poynetr Institute.  According to a Google-news search, he was the only one connected to the mainstream media to report on the strike. 

Do you think Rush interceded on their behalf?  Doesn’t he espouse self-reliance when it suits his needs? 

How will Rush twist, turn, and subvert the freedom of speech into something that makes his propagandizing look acceptable? 

When you were a kid, suppose you insulted your buddy’s mother and he asked you to either:  take it back of prepare to fight someone who was four inches taller and fifty pounds heavier.  If you took it back, was your recanting free speech or would you plead “coercion” and say it was not an example of free speech? 

Does Rush believe in freedom of speech when a fellow Republican “disses” him? Or does he use the equivalent of the old “I’m going to rip your arm off and then beat you to death with it” subtle style of persuasion to get them to reverse their view freely?

If that same pal challenged you to debate and he let you use a bullhorn, but he was helped by a Marine Corps <a href =http://www.audioheritage.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=24123>Beachmaster</a> speaker (reportedly it can be heard a mile away), which one of you would win the effort to drown out the other guy’s argument?

Doesn’t Rush ignore the 90 to 10 ratio of the corporate subsidized imbalance and claim that the marketplace has settled the dispute?  Wouldn’t he endorse a duel between a Beachmaster and a bullhorn . . . as long as he was the one with the Beachmaster?

“Once a bully, always a bully.,” eh Rush? Perhaps Rush thinks that when Teddy Roosevelt said:  “Bully!,” he was dispensing advice on how to act like a Republican?

Did any of the conservative talk show hosts come to the defense of the staff of the Daily Emerald?  Will they sing a different tune when the “fairness doctrine” moves to center stage later in President Obama’s term in office?

The Emerald episode may soon look like that paper’s staff played the roll of opening act for the headline event featuring Rush and his clones.  Stay tuned . . .

“There comes a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can’t take part, you can’t even passively take part, and you’ve got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon all the apparatus, and you’ve got to make it stop. And you’ve got to indicate to the people who run it, the people who own it, that unless you’re free the machine will be prevented from working at all.” Mario Savio RIP

Now, the disk jockey will play Country Joe’s “Fixin’ to Die Rag.”  We’ll go dust off an old placard and practice our LBJ chant.  Have a riotously good week.

Got Schadenfreude?

What is Schadenfreude?

It means joy in the pain and or misery of others.

Do you like to look at pictures of wrecked exotic cars?  Then click this:

http://www.wreckedexotics.com/

(Did we already do an posting on this site?  If so, sorry!  Need to get more reading time to build up more material.)

Suggestion Box Column

Suggesting the Suggestion Box Idea

By Bob Patterson

Created Mar 8 2009 – 2:36pm

 

According to a segment shown on the CNN’s the State of the Union broadcast for Sunday, March 8, 2009, Saturday Night Live did a skit the night before showing somebody touting a national effort to donate ideas about how to end the economic slowdown (did George W. Bush give us permission to call it a Recession, yet?).

Why not actually do it?

Here is an example of one such suggestion.

Bring back $1 day at the movies.

It used to be that at least one chain of movie theaters in the L. A. area used to (long time ago) have Tuesday be dollar day. If the theaters are mostly empty on Tuesday let’s do some match. Suppose a theater with a thousand seats has 60 customers who paid $10 for their tickets in it. Suppose that on dollar day they got 601 customers at a buck each. What would they get in addition to one extra buck income?

Well, they would create much more word of mouth buzz for that particular movie, they would get some nearby restaurants to be grateful for added business, they would create the impression that folks were out spending money somewhere and that in turn would have a positive effect and give a boost to the nation’s attitude. Most likely that would also cause a few more automobile trips to be part of the day’s growth score.

Are there other ideas that can be offered to help turn things around?

Since this columnist is an avid car fan (and reader of the Jalopnik web site) and, since some car fans would be willing to buy replicas of classic cars, and since the big three car companies own all the rights to their past products, why can’ they make their own replicas?

Somebody somewhere is (or was) producing replicas of the 1957 Chevy convertible. Why shouldn’t GM be doing that?

Could Congress give them a waiver on the necessity of smog equipment? That would help GM cut the costs of the basic vehicle and that in turn would make the item more attractive to potential customers. If necessary could they use modern smaller more fuel efficient engines? Wouldn’t having a replica 57 Chev convertible, running on a “four-banger,” to use while doing the weekend errands, be a terrific way to add some enjoyment to the chores?

Don’t most modern four cylinder engines produce as much (if not more) power than a 1940 Ford V-8 did? Suppose that a modern fuel efficient four cylinder engine was providing the power to run around in a replica 1940 Ford DeLuxe coupe? This columnist would be very glad to have that kind of transportation available at an affordable cost.

It seems that there are more 1932 Ford coupes and roadsters on the road today than were manufactured back in the day. Why shouldn’t Ford be able to mass produce such replica items as would be needed to put together an new replica?

Go to your local magazine store and look at all the hot roding magazines available there. It seems that today there are more people involved in producing hot rod magazines than there were actually doing the hotroding back in the Fifties.

These are just two ideas from one columnist. What if there actually was a national(on-line?) suggestion box available to the folks who want to offer new ideas? Wouldn’t the politicians who desperately need to have new ideas to consider like to hear these new ideas?

During World War II the G. I.’s had to wear dog tags into battle. The metal items would make noise and if the soldiers were trying to be quiet, that was disconcerting, They couldn’t throw them away. What could they do to quiet those pesky dog tag? Eventually some clever fellow figured out that the tubes on gas masks had could be cut and small portions of the tubes could be put around the dog tags and they wouldn’t make noise.

Americans are resourceful and inventive. Why ignore this resource? Yes, for big ideas there would have to be some protection for the person making the suggestion that they would not be giving away residual shards of a profit, but some new ideas are desperately need.

It’s rather frustrating to think that the idea of suggesting a suggestion box is futile at a time when hope, optimism and enthusiasm are what is needed to have a catalytic effect on the President’s recovery plan.

Whatever happened to the old Fifties concept of “brainstorming”? Perhaps a national brainstorming session will help?

For this week’s closing quote we will use a current Australian advertising slogan: Times are tough, but Australians and Holden are tougher.

Now, the disk jockey will play “Who put the Benzedrine in Mrs. Murphy’s Ovaltine” and we’ll buzz out of here. How’s this suggestion: “Have a great week!”?

 

BFD

The Berkeley Fire Department acronym is BFD.  (What did you think it stood for?)  For more on the Berkeley Fire Department click:

http://www.neiu.edu/~jabennin/bfd/hisfile.html

What’s the good word?

If someone asks you “what’s the good word?,” tell them:

omphaloskepsis.

It means contemplation while gazing at one’s navel.  Odds are that will be a new word for them to bandy about.

Jim Morrison mural in Venice CA

Morrison mural Venice

This mural is a famous iconic image from the Venice Beach area of Los Angeles.

It is the first photo added to this blog via wi-fi-ing.

Adventures of the Bob bag

While in Fremantle (Western Australia) we got a free ecology shopping bag from Bob’s Shoe store.  We intend to post pictures of it taken around the world.

We almost posted photos yesterday of the bag at the Santa Monica Pier.  We’ll post them next week.

Since we are in San Franciso, we will try to take some Bob bag shots taken at the Golden Gate Bridge.

Stay tuned for the adventures of the Bob bag.

Vanished!

It took two busses to get from downtown to the Golden Gate.  When we got on the second bus, we noticed the Bob bag was gone.  Maybe, tomorrow, we’ll go to the SF Bus lost and found.

Stay tuned . . .

The bag saga continued . . .

On Friday, we started to try to track down the lost bag.  We went to the customer service on Van Ness.  They sent us to SFMTA (Muni) at Gerry and Presidio.  They had me file a report and said I should check back in a few days. 

So you can’t get something you lost yesterday.  You have to stick around a few days.  I guess that’s one way to boost tourism.

We asked if we could call collect from Australia, they said “no.”

So the bag may be gone forever.  Then again . . .

On the way out of the San Francisco Municipal Transit Authority building, we walked past an office with the door open.

What one song would symbolize bureaucracy in SF?

They were playing the Jefferson Airplane.s “White Rabbit.”

Stay tuned . . .

Adventures without the bag

The camera and I went to the intersection of Haight and Ashbury in San Francisco today without the bag.  We took some typical tourist cliche shots wtihout the bag.  Too bad the bag went AWAL, we had fun.

Voice Over Competition?

Since they seem to have a reality show about every kind of competition (doncha love the “big eyed girl” on the model competition?), we were wondering if/when/where they will have a competiton for folks who do voice overs? 

They’d just run visuals (Koanisatsi (spelling?) style) and have folks narrate what the audience was seeing.

Then they could narrow it down to “the voice.”

Hey, it’s Saturday.  I’m cold.  My Bob bag is still missing.  That’s the best I could do for now.  Stay tuned . . .

Calling Wes Craven! ! !

This is a great rumor.  Accoding to what a girl at the hostel told me that a part of the Channel Islands University campus used to be a mental hospital before it was changed to be part of the university.

Dunno know if it’s true or not, but we sure hope someone tells Wes Craven about this bit of  this school’s (possible) history.

Here is a link to the school’s web site

http://www.csuci.edu/

Friends around the world

At the civic center hostel, I’ve just run into a couple whom I met in November at the Sydney Central Backpacker’s  Hostel. 

They are going to meet up with a friend in L. A. and then go to Fla.

After comparing notes with them – Yes they had a steak at the Bourbon (in the King’s Cross Section of Sydney) – I gave them recommendations for the USA.  The good food deals in Vegas, the air park (museum) in Pema Arizona, the cavalry museum in El Paso, the touristy stuff in Dallas, then if they have time Memphis and Nashville, New Orleans and maybe the Sebring race in Fla.,, and/or the Ringling Winter HQ.  I highly recommended the Nethercutt (car) Museum in L. A.

I recommended the Beatnik Museum for them (and the City Lights Bookstore) here in San Francisco.

I will try to get to the de Young Museum (with Warhol exhibition) today.

Life goes on (without the Bob bag).

Also have to plug the (SF) band Pullout which just came back from Europe.

Their web site is

http://www.myspace.com/pulloutpunx

(Hope I got that right.  Typed it out didn’t do cut and paste.)

Let the travel adventures continue . . .

Promobabble Ides of March bonus edition

Ides of March Bonus Edition of the Promobabble Report

We went to the de Young Museum today to see the Warhol exhibit.  When we got there, we learned that it would cost two $10 fees to get in.  This was an outrage!  Warhol was protesting the money grubbing art scene and wanted to make art available to the average person and not a museum snob, so we did a U-turn and left (in a huff.)

I have talked to him three times and bought a poster, which he and the subject shown on poster (Russel Means, the American Indian Movement leader) both signed.  I paid less for that than it would cost to get into see the art show.

Came back to the hostel area  and decided to have the pit crew switch to rain tires.  (I.e. old pants and shoes so that if they got soaked in a rainstorm, I could just toss them away.)

to take the locals recommendation for  Vietnamese food.  It is a place called Turtle Tower.

I’ve only had Vietnamese food once before – in Paris across from the Hotel California.  Wasn’t sure about plunging recklessly into a second time.  It looked like it might start raining so I decided to try it.  It was North Vietnamese style.

I went to the SFPL and then afterwards jumped on the Van Ness bus line.  I wound up back in my old (forty years ago) neighborhood and walked around.  Headed back on the bus.  Stopped at the Accademy of Art University where they had an art display composed of classic cars.

I took some pictures to send to the DOTS dept. at Jalopnik.  Could a DOTS car spotting picture ever get better than a 1930 Model J dual cowle Duesenberg?  I don’t think so.  We’ll send them some pictures and see wha they say.

We decided to knock out a bonus edition of the Promobabble Report so now we’ll spell check fast and send a copy and past to our member in China.

Are you from Santa Monica? (3.0)

At the Science Museum in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park, we went up to a guy and asked him if he was from Santa Monica.  He said he used to be in and around Santa Monica, but now he is from Colorado.

We’ll keep trying.

Postcard from San Francisco

This is a photo of the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco without the Bobbag.  (See earlier posts).   Too bad the bag went AWAL.

Once a hippie . . .

Haight & Ashbury

Has it changed in 41 years, or have I?

Summation

Summation

This bumper sticker (seen in Berkeley CA) seems to sum up the car owner’s opinion of a current war.  We will try to send this photo to Bartcop.

Time saver?

Since it takes a good deal of time for all the photos to download on this site, perhaps it would be better to just put the link to the photos on flickr and see if that is quicker and better?

Here are some from the San Francisco stay right before St. Patrick’s day.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/8216859@N04/

Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be?

We posted some new photos today.  We posted some on flickr

http://www.flickr.com/photos/8216859@N04/

We intended to post the photos of the traveling Bobbag today and when we looked through all the floppy disks (yes our digital camera is an old fashioned one that uses floppy disks) we couldn’t find the one with the photos taken at the Santa Monica Pier.

Maybe the floppy went AWOL, too?

If we find it, we will post the pictures.  If we never find that floppy, then perhaps it was never meant to be that pictures of the traveling Bobbag appear anywhere on the Internet? 

As Ned Kelly once said:  “Such is life!”

Reporting live from a beatnik cafe in . . .

Mediterranium Cafe

Reporting live from the Mediterranium Cafe in Berkeley, Ca.,  is the realization for this blogger of the Internet’s potential from a long time ago.  It took a good deal of time and some bumps in the learning process, but here we are today, March 19, 2009, sitting in a restaurant that Jack Kerouac used to patronize, and in a few moments we will hit “publish” and see it all come to pass.

So then it will be on to the road back to Fremantle and Kalgoorlie.

Resurection of the traveling bag

The traveling bag from Fremantls

After  becoming convinced that the floppy with the only pictures of the traveling Bob bag in existence, was lost; we found it and can post the photoss (also check flickr) online.

Yay!

Correction

Yesterday, in our excitement to file the first remote report (not counting some done at the Berkeley Public Library) from “in the field,” we misspelled the name of the restaurant.  We were looking right at the big sign that read Mediterraneum, and we misspelled it anyways.

(Famed musician Keith Richards says that if you practice anything long enough, you will get good at it.  Lord knows, I’m good at misspellings.)

Yeah, we know we could retype the entry and then re-post it, but our experience in newspapers makes us more prone to just printing a correction. 

So we will do it that way.

Photo for Chef Teddy

Atten: Chef Teddy

Recently we sent a copy of this photo to Chef Teddy in Lala Land.  He couldn’t see it and since we don’t make fun of people who have trouble with their computers (we have a black belt in that talent), the easiest way to handle the problem is to post it here and then send him the link.

Rules for Car-spotting

Car-spotting in SF

What are the official rules of Car-spotting?  It seems that seeing a car in an antique car store (we saw a 40 Ford DeLuxe coupe in such a store in Santa Monica recently) shouldn’t really count.  Seeing a rare car in a museum, doesn’t seem to qualify either, but what about if you see a very rare car in an art school’s window that is part of an art exhibit?  Should that count?

Car-spotter’s “walk off grand slam”

Model J Duesenberg

For car-spotters seeing a 1930 Model J Duesenberg dual cowl phaeton, is like a baseball player getting a walk-off grand slam . . . in the last game of the World Series!

On Sunday , March 15, we were riding on a bus on Van Ness in San Francisco.  We saw some old cars in a building there and so we hopped off.  It was the Accademy of Art University and they were displaying some old cars in what looked like a former new car dealer show room. 

What are the rules of car-spotting?  We didn’t see it for sale.  We didn’t see it in a museum.  Is there a whistle on the play?  Does it count?  It sure was fun to see it.

New Music to find

We ran into Rich the guitarist for Polly Scattergood, from Great Britain at the hostel in SF.  We talked music and he said Polly has a new album (he worked on it) coming out in a month or two.   We want to hear it.

Old hippies are interested in new music and not just listening to Moby Grape one more time!

Fold-up bike

Recently we met a guy in San Francisco, who was taking a very unique fold-up bike around the world and taking pictures in those places.  We took his picture and he took our e-mail address rather than give us his.  He said he would e-mail details about his project, but so far he hasn’t sent them.

Our picture of him will be posted later, if we don’t lose track of it in the mean time.

Publicity is an elusive commodity.  The guy should have made sure that I had his e-mail address so that he could get the small bit of publicity a mention on our blog would have delivered. 

Oh well, such is life.

We will run an update if he ever gets the details back to us.

Blogger from Denmark

At the hostel, today, we met a young lady from Denmark who is in San Francisco and studying English.  She blogs in Danish and plans to switch to English.  Here is the link

http://tine.xtrablog.dk

Hope it works.  If not try adding the www bit

We meant to suggest to  her she should post dual entries and write one in Danish and the practice her English by reposting her own translation of her own Danish entry.  That way she could build up a dual audience.

Maybe Skippy will link to us?

Skippy the Bush Kangaroo has dozens of links on his site

http://xnerg.blogspot.com/

so maybe,  since we went back and found that because of what was said at Nuremberg, the debate over the existence or non-existence of the WMD’s was a red herring, because any unprovoked invasion is a crime against peace” and since we blogged about traveling in Australia, and since we write for Smirking Chimp and they list Skippy on their list of blogs, then maybe, just maybe, he’ll add us to his impressive list of links?

Class action law suit against the MSM?

What if folks brought a class action suit against the media that help Bush sell the war?

I wrote a column about it

http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/20953

The Dog-off

Are the hotdogs  from Harry’s in Sydney better than the ones from Capital Dawg in Sacramento Calif.? 

There was only one way to tell.  Have a “dog-off.”

The decor in the Sacramento challenger’s is all dog oriented with one exception they have a poster for the movie “The Terminator.”  WTF?

Capital has a hotdog wrapped in an American Flag out front.

They have very good french fries in Sacramento.

The No. 7 Chicago is very good. 

The clincher was the music.  On a Saturday night, they had the Sixties at Six featuring Sixties music with Cousin Brucie doing the announcing.  (Game over!) 

Harry’s does have top notch meat pies, but they didn’t witn the dog-off with Capital Dawg.

http://www.capitoldawg.com

From a reporter’s notebook (in Sacramento)

Photos for the dog-off will be posted later.

The Sacramento Roller Derby team will have try-outs on Sunday April 26 from 9 a.m. to 11 a.m.

http://www.saccityrollers.com

If this reporter is still in Sacramento, we will try to cover the try-outs!

Music

Folks in Sacramento recommend:

Funker Vogt

Porky Pinetree (apparently an American making it big in Great Britain.  Will he open for Seasick Stever or will Seasick Steve open for Porky?)

Cake (a Sacramento band making it big.)

Straight No Chaser (local acapello group)

2me

The Bennies

For Sacramento independent scene google around for the KWOD FM (on line only?) radio station   KWOD.net

If you like Kalgoorlie in W. A. (Western Australia) you will like Sacramento and if you like Sacramento you will like Kalgoorlie. 

(Personal note for Murilee:  lotsa great old cars for car-spotting in Sacto!)

To be continued . . .

Item for Faezel (from Freo)

It hardly seems efficitent to post a new item just for one reader, but since we do it that way for photos, here goes:

We’ve met a journalist from Sweeden in Sacramento.  He blogs in Sweedish and the only person we know who reads Sweedish is Faezel from Freo so here is the URL for the guy’s blog

http://marcusiusa.blogg.se

Let’s hope I got it right.

Car Museum for Ford Fans

Who knew there was a very good car museum in Sacramento?  We noticed an iniciation on a bus map that there was an automobile museum and it took some effort to find out about it and get to it, but it was worth the effort.

The Towe Auto Museum is named for a Montana guy who had a complete Model T collection.  He was forced to sell it and this museum got much of it.  The name is being changed to California Auto Museum.

They have a wide variety of cars, but it has a great many that will appeal to Ford fans.

We took many pictures.  Some will be added to the blog much late.

The guys at LASAAC would (most likely) be very pleased by a visit to this museum and we will pass along the word about this particular car museum to them.

For more about this museum and to see their web site click to:

http://wwwtoweautomuseum.org

Get hip to Leroy Jenkins!

Fremantle (Western Australia) was where I first learned about Seasick Steve.

Sacramento will always be special, now, because it was in Sacto where I first learned about Leroy Jenkins!

Google him on Youtube (It seems I can’t copy the URL and paste it here) and folks (especially Chef Teddy) will come to know and love him.  He has inspired me to write a new column for

http://www.smirkingchimp.com

about his unique gonzo military style.  It seems to me that President Obama is about to use the Leroy Jenkins strategy in Afghanistan. 

Prez O. will PO the democrats by sending new troops in rather than bringing the boys home and he will PO the Republicans by not sending in enough to win.

Ya can’t please everyone, but then again Leroy Jenkins doesn’t seem to care about that.

Going to the (hot) dogs

Capital Dawg

It ain’t LIFE magazine quality, but we did promise pictures from Capital Dawg in Sacramento, so here there are.

Dawg in a flag

 

The hotdog is wrapped in an American flag.

Sign

The decorations feature various American hotdog brands and related products.

Flag dog

Coming back to LIFE

We have written a column suggesting that the LIFE magazine site would be a great place to feature the day’s best news photos.

Somebody must have read my column.

If you go to the LIFE site

http://www.life.com/

you can see the day’s best photos from around the world.

Now, if I can only get one of  the photos I take on it . . .

Photos for Jane S.

Empty

This building in Sacramento was used for a state agency, but they just moved.

Gone

Gone

The interior of this business indicates that they may have called it quits.

Closed

Closed Hotel

A boarded -up hotel and its neighbor give silent testimony that ecconomic conditions are tough.

Americana

Americana

This small restaurant in Sacramento is a slice of Americana

It’s a Blunder-ful Life?

For fans of on-line games, Leeroy Jenkins has become the equivalent of General George Armstrong Custer, because while playing World of Warfare, he made a big blunder and his group suffered annihilation.  Cynics who learn the particulars of Jenkins tactical mistake may worry that President Obama’s plans to send more troops into Afghanistan may be comparable to Jenkins charge into enemy territory and worry that the results will be even more catastrophic than Jenkins’ fictional massacre.

In the realm of on-line games, the thought that the guy who makes the biggest blunders can become a winner by losing is an amusing concept.  The fellow has parlayed his ignominious game playing skill into an appearance on the Howard Stren radio show, and a role in a TV ad for a charge card company.

At this point, the columnist asked himself: “Is it too soon to use a contemporary cultural reference to take a cheap shot at the President?”  When George Bush stood on the edge of a war that seemed unnecessary and irrelevant, there was no hesitation and a new President shouldn’t get any more slack than his predecessor.

After reading Malcolm Gladwell’s book “blink,” it seemed that if the President’s announced plans make us shudder, then we should continue and finish the column.

Taking troops out of Iraq and sending them to Afghanistan also seems misguided.  If they must be sent to Afghanistan because of the high level of experience in dealing with the enemy, isn’t that unfair?  Haven’t the troops in Iraq earned a rest period?  Shouldn’t a fresh group be sent into Afghanistan while the vets who served in Iraq come home?

That brings up another worry.  At some point when the troop level in Iraq gets rather low, won’t the remaining soldiers be very tempting targets for those Muslims who want to kill them? 

We realize that the Bush era magic explanation is that the Iraqis will cover them while the Americans draw down.  Are Americans supposed to believe the old “we got your back” type of reassurance will work? 

Haven’t the various factions in Iraq proved earlier in the war that they aren’t playing by the Marquis of Queensberry rules and that when the time comes the bad guys will offer some gold coins to Iraqis in trusted positions to take the money and deal out some (what they see as) punishment to the despised departing army of occupation and consider it payback for some of the “collateral damage” inflicted by the Americans?  Won’t they get a lot of eager Iraqis who will find the offer irresistible?  Past performance is the best indicator of future performance?  If so, what’s going to happen?

Folks who would like to post a comment noting it is too early to tell how well President Obama will be as the military commander in chief should read the Gladwell book before they hit the “submit” for their opinion.

Allan Masse said: “Blunders are an inescapable feature of war, because choice in military affairs lies generally between the bad and the worse.”

Now, the disk jockey will play Larry Verne’s “Please, Mr. Custer, I don’t wanna go.”  We’ll charge out of here yelling Leeroy Jenkins’ name.  Have the kind of week that will win you a spot on the Howard Stern radio show.

Car-spotting in SF

Some group on Flickr asked if they could use some of my photos of cars and trucks in San Francisco

http://www.flickr.com/groups/26655725@N00/

 

I said yes, so they now appear on that page also.  There were other pictures of old cars taken in San Francisco, but they didn’t ask about them.  The captions don’t say those extra pictures were taken in San Francisco.  So maybe I have to put the city name in all the photos?

Now, I wonder if Jalopnik and their DOTS department would give any publicity to a strickly SF group?

I’ll post some new pictures of a 38 Ford truck taken in SF and see if they want them for the SF car-spotters page on Flicker.

Life can get so complicated, eh?

Towe Auto Museum

Towe Auto Museum

After visiting this auto museum, we wondered if a certain auto site might like reviews of automobile museums as a regular feature.

38 Ford Truck in San Francisco

Ford truck in SF

This 1938 truck was seen in San Francisco recently.  We will try to bring it to the attention of the Flickr group of car-spotters working in San Francisco.

We will post the URL for this page with some that will be posted over on Flickr.

Car-spotting around the World

After finding out about the SF only car-spotting folks, we did some google searches and found a world wide bunch of car-spotters and their photos at

http://www.madwhips.com/

So, now we are going to try to send them some of the phots we took at the Accademy of Art University in San Francisco.

We be smokin’

Malcolm Gladwell in one of his books takes a fascinating look at the efforts to prevent kids from smoking by convincing them that it really isn’t cool because of the health threats.  The analysis, like all the other material in his books, is very engrossing and informative. 

The people who try so very hard to prevent kids from starting a lifelong relationship with cigarettes use some TV ads that are rivet ting and effective, but there is one solution to the challenge that gets overlooked by almost all the well-meaning crusaders.  Luckily for this columnist (April 18 will be National Columnist’s Day), his family used the overlooked strategy for convincing someone that a nicotine addiction is something they can forgo in their effort to cope with life.

When the columnist was eight years old, his curiosity led him to ask his mother about the prevalent adult habit.  She immediately had him smoke an entire cigarette and note his physical reactions to the task.  She then informed him that his pals would eventually conduct such an experiment on their own and in secret.  She told him, he had permission to smoke and thus removed the allure of a forbidden activity.  She told him that when his playmates started their clandestine investigations into the habit, he could come to her and get his next smoke just by asking.

Years past – one or two seems an eternity to a kid in grade school – and one day some adults came to the school area with some free samples.  (This column is based on personal memories and is exempt from the fact checking process.)  Since the young fan of Walter Winchell and Ernie Pyle was attending a parochial school the students would lineup outside and march in to the school together.  The adults used this as an opportunity to go to the public sidewalk area and hand out the free sample packs of cigarettes they were offering.

When the young student asked an aunt about why they would give away a product they usually sell, she suggested that the kid do the math and see just how well a free sample now, would pay off for them if it led to a lifetime of cigarette buying.  Being a math nerd, he did and was astonished to see that it produced an amount of money that was enormous.

Years later, when a fellow employee, Jim C., complained that Bob could afford a vacation in Paris and Jim C. who was paid a higher hourly wage could not, Jim C. asked the boss (Doug P.) about this inequity.

A quick bit of mathematics showed that by brown-bagging lunch and avoiding cigarettes and beer, Bob saved about $2,000 a year.  Jim C., who ate lunch at a coffee shop every work day, and smoked two packs of cigarettes a day, and averaged a six pack of beer per day, had about $2000 worth of living overhead expenses.

The cost (in 1986) of a two week vacation in Paris had been about $2000.  Jim C., didn’t like the explanation and begged Doug P. for a salary increase.  (Request denied!)

So what would happen if, instead of trying to convince kids that smoking isn’t “cool” (as seen in numerous movies) and that instead of stressing the health risks (some Americans could step on a landmine today), the advocates of cigarette abstinence just made a public service ad that showed a young potential cigarette customer, what he or she would save, if they chose not to spend their money on that product and extended the saving over out for a few years?

Maybe during hard times, kids would respond by saying:  “Aye, lad, there’s the rub!”?

Oscar Wilde said “A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?”  A vacation in Fremantle, perhaps?

Now, the disk jockey will play Patsy Cline’s “Three Cigarettes in an Ashtray” and we’ll vanish in a cloud of smoke.  Have a week that is so round, so firm, so fully packed.

Spring Break! ! !

If we don’t post for a short while, you can just imagine what kind of spring break fun I am having and look forward to reading about it when posting resumes.

Ciao for now

Texas Roadhouse for Perth?

We interrupt this Spring break hiatus for this item:

Texas Roadhouse was having a company meeting  in San Francisco.  We walked by the hotel just as they were leaving for a night out.  We just couldn’t help it, we had to go up to an executive looking guy and suggest they try expanding into Western Australia.

What says “Western” better than a “Texas Roadhouse”?

If Outback restaurants can come to the USA, then why not “turnabout is fair play”?

One thing we forgot to tell the executive looking guy:  Fremantle is a Liberty port for ships from the Arabian Gulf.  Can’t you just picture a bunch of American sailors on Liberty finding a place named “Texas Roadhouse”?

Maybe we should go back tomorrow and ask it they need a bigger in-depth scouting report.  Can’t you just picture those fellows from Texas if they had next year’s gathering in Kalgoorlie?

Hmmm.  Wonder how I can apply for the job of Regional Manager for Western Australia.  If there is no franchises in W. A., right now, that sounds like a pretty cushy job, just right for me.

To be continued . . .

World’s Laziest Journalist makes a confession

Last summer, Joe Biden, in his speech to the Democratic National Convention, described how, as a kid he had been tormented by someone who tormented him about his stuttering.  That was so meeeeeeean!  It also sounded very familiar and the thought occurred to me:  Wasn’t that me?

He referenced his mother’s advice about how to handle the situation and even that sounded familiar because my mother came down on me like a ton of bricks and said something to the effect that his mother had challenged him to fight back when necessary.  I think she was implying that if I did it again, little Joe Biden had his mother’s and mine’s permission to flatten me.

Later in his speech he made reference to the wisdom of his father-in-law, Pops Finnegan.  Things were coming into focus now.  My dad’s best friend was Ambrose Finnegan and both my dad and my Aunt Dorothy were always putting things in perspective by looking at them through the folk wisdom of Pops Finnegan. 

Senator Biden ran through a bit of his family history and mentioned that his uncle had died in World War II.  My dad’s best friend had died in the South Pacific during World War II.  Putting together fragments of stories from long ago, it seems that my dad had dated Ambrose’s sister once or twice before he met my mom.  Now, gradually it was becoming clear why my mom and dad didn’t like it if I tormented that particular kid.

Everybody is trying to get a unique story about the new administration in Washington, but if this columnist ever gets the chance to interview Joe Biden’s mom, there would be no “gotcha” questions, only a chance to clarify some family history.  It would be (to this columnist) very interesting to get a chance to ask:  “What was my dad like as a young man?”

How many on-line columnist will get a chance to ask for such an interview?  Well, I could make sure one of my high school classmates (Larry O. SPHS ’61) gets the URL for this column and see if he could fwd it to his close pal, Vice President Joe Biden.  No harm in asking, eh?

Since National Columnist’s day (April 18) is fast approaching, it seems unlikely that we can get it all squared away before this year’s tribute to columnists.  The date was selected because it was on April 18, 1945, that columnist and war correspondent Ernie Pyle was killed in action in the Pacific Theater, during World War II.

When I heard Senator Biden speak my first reaction to the fact that I had been the “mean kid” he mentioned was to wonder if I should express some shame and apologize for the verbal attacks (and make my mother proud?), but then after 35 years of living in Los Angeles, I realized that there was another way of looking at it:  If I hadn’t done what I had done, maybe Joe Biden wouldn’t have tried so hard to overcome his stuttering and might not have made the change by challenging himself and becoming a lawyer and Senator. 

There’s an old axiom in the Hollywood area:  Never be afraid to admit your role in someone else’s success, with that in mind,  I can, without any shame, say:  “I made Joe Biden the man he is today!”

Not many columnists can say that.

In the past, Vice-President Joe Biden has said:  “If your kitchen table is like mine, you sit there at night before you put the kids to bed and you talk about what you need. You talk about how much you are worried about being able to pay the bills. Ladies and gentlemen, that is not a worry John McCain has to worry about. It’s a pretty hard experience. He’ll have to figure out which of the seven kitchen tables to sit at.”

Now, as an inside joke for folks from Scranton, the disk jockey will play “Thirty Thousand Pounds of Bananas” and we’ll head out for a movie at the State  theater, where Blackstone the magician performed.  Have a “black diamond” type week.

People’s Park to turn 40

In Berkeley, People’s Park will turn 40 this month.

They are planning a big birthday celebration.  Wavy Gravy will be there.  Country Joe will play.  There will be celebration of Medical marijuana on Monday April 20, scheduled to take place at twenty after four o’clock in the afternoon. 

The big day will be Sunday April 26.  The festivities will run from noon to six.

Maybe we can go and take some pictures and “cover” it.  For more info go to:

http://www.peoplespark.org/

To be continued . . .

The cowboys from the Circle A ranch

The cowboys from the Circle A ranch will be in town as the same time as the bankers and it looks like those two different groups might accidentally bump into each other. 

http://www.reddit.com/r/Anarchism/related/899ux/protest_at_imf_world_bank_spring_meeting/

They don’t like each other do they?

URL’s from on the road

In  S. F., I met a guy going to Paris to be a fashion photographer.

His web site is at

http://www.gabrieldesbiens.com

Check it out.

Running on empty

We try to have some interesting items that are unique.  As far as we can tell there wasn’t much elsewhere on the Internet about the disappearance of the SF Police Chief in 1908.  We went to the S. F. Public Library to get the item.

Unfortunately we can’t come up with stuff like that every day. 

We wrote a column for Smirking Chimp about the tunnels under Venice California.  There was some other stuff, but we thought the info about the guy who wrote the newspaper story about them back in the seventies helped enliven the column.

Over the weekend we saw a red 37 cacillac sedan in SF, but we didn’t have our camera handy.

Perhaps it’s time to start concentrating on selling T-shirts and making some  money rather than trying to scoop the New York times with items that don’t really matter?

Movie Script Pitch (Based on a true story)

I’ve found out about this “true story” in my travels and would be able to provide more details for a movie if folks want to pay me for the information and idea.  (If Bo Zenga can do it, so can I! ! !)

During World War II a woman was taken Prisoner of War.  She escaped.  She travel through an enimy country and entered a neutral country where she had to sit out the rest of the war, but not as a prisoner, just as a stranded member of the military type guest visa.

A woman POW escapes successfully?  WOW!  What act res could best be described as “the female Steve McQueen”?  Where did it happen?  More details Howie?  Send an e-mail to the world’s laziest journalist (all one word, no apostrophe, no spaces, down style) at the beloved Yahoo e-mail site for the chance to expand this pitch.

(God bless Bo Zenga!)

National Columnists Day

Recently when it was suggested that war correspondent Jane Stillwater might want to write about the fact that National Columnist Day [1] will be celebrated on Saturday, April, 18, before she dashes off on her next trip to Iraq or Afghanistan, she rejected the idea because “Young people won’t know who he was.”

That is precisely why this columnist makes a point of making sure that every year he writes about the fact that April 18, was selected because it was on that day in 1945 that Ernie Pyle, the popular journalist-columnist, was killed in action as World War II was drawing to an end.

We write and post the annual column a few days early so that other columnists might be inspired to join the effort to not let Pyle’s life and work slide into obscurity and become a curious footnote for journalism’s history.

Jim Romenesko has helped our effort to keep Ernie Pyle alive in the memories of folks who (practice) and appreciate fine news writing, by running, on his media news page [2], a link to our annual homage to the author of several great books about World War II and we thank him for his much appreciated effort to assist us on our annual crusade to honor one of the men who inspired us.

As a kid, the lure of becoming a columnist who would travel the world, see history being made, and meeting interesting people sounded like a heck of a great way to earn a living. We also were in awe of Walter Winchell, Earl Wilson, and later in life Herb Caen. We’ve done the best we could and we aren’t ready to call it quits yet. (With any luck we hope to celebrate Christmas on Cottesloe beach again this year.)

Earlier this month the San Francisco Chronicle ran a tribute to their former columnist Herb Caen [3].

One way to combat the deterioration of journalism in the United States is to promote the work of the greats and to encourage people to make the effort to learn about them, and read their work. This year we will also urge our regular readers to perhaps look up online some of the columnists honing their skills in various college newspapers.

With some public support and enthusiasm, the nations newspapers could (and should) provide encouragement at the college level by scrutinizing the work of the next generation and perhaps hold an annual college draft in the manner of those held by the pro-sports businesses that have a mad scramble to secure the services of the best college athletes?

There is an annual awards ceremony in Los Angels for college students who major in cinema. It is held by the same folks who have the annual Oscar Awards Ceremonies that garner a much larger amount of publicity for the winners.

Perhaps Fox could have an annual competition for the best college purveyor of Republican talking points and thus groom some new faces to replace the sorry lot that hawks Republican propaganda for profit on the air?

The status of Journalism today, in the United States, is pathetic in many cases, and so war weary Americans who truly appreciate a never ending fight for truth, justice, and the American way, should make an effort to acquaint themselves the writing done by people from the past who worked hard to “tell it like it is” even though at times, as in Pyle’s case, it may cost the writer his or her life. It was much better than any devious and conniving modern effort to fake “fair and balanced” reporting.

Herb Caen once wrote: “I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there.”

Now, the disk jockey, who aspires to increase his level of influence on the audience to ” that which a plug from Herb Caen used to provide for various and sundry enterprises in the San Francisco area, will play “Sweep It Under the Rug,” by Zak Daniels and the One Eyed Snakes and we will wait for the sergeant to give the “column ho!” order so we can move out of here. Have a week that won’t be forgotten.

Free Cone Day

Ben and Jerry’s will be having their free coned day again this year on April 21, which lookes to be Tuesday

http://www.benjerry.com/scoop-shops/feature/free-cone-day/

So don’t say we didn’t give you ample time to get your free icecream cone.

Worldwide Pinhole Photography Day

On Sunday April 26, folks around the world will be celebrating the ancient art of pinhole photography.

For a list of events click this link:

http://www.pinholeday.org/events/index.php

Skateboarding link

Check out what’s happening in skateboarding as reported by my new friend the Kiwi working in Amesterdam.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mi7FqpljvVY

“War Crimes?” Sez who?

[<B>Note:  Contains Republican-spin suggestions and attempted humor</B>.]

Before editorial writers across America get all discombobulated about the recently released memos that allegedly prove that the United States used extreme interrogation (should that be spelled “interror-gation”?) methods and that constituted the commission of war crimes, shouldn’t all Patriotic American pundits first establish if the so called memos were written on the very same typewriter that provided Dan Rather with his “proof” that President Bush went AWOL during his time of service in the Air National Guard?  Isn’t the fact that Tuesday will be Ben and Jerry’s “<a href =http://www.earthtimes.org/articles/show/ben-amp-jerryrsquos-31st-annual-free-cone-day,789896.shtml>free cone</a>” day of much greater importance to all Patriotic American pundits such as the one writing this weekly installment from “the World’s Laziest Journalist”?

Patriotic Americans know that some aspects of warfare (such as the function of “Pine Gap” and the top secret hush-hush World War II <a href =http://boards.history.com/topic/World-War-Ii/Habakkuk/520042340>Habakkuk Project</a>) must be kept secret so that the enemy won’t be able to sabotage such efforts.

Hellfire, boys and girls, if the Democrats are going to go ape-shit over the assertion that if the Germans and Japanese were convicted of war crimes for doing what Bush sanctioned, that means that Bush was a war criminal is a logical conclusion; then let’s just have the conservative majority U. S. Supreme Court overturn the Nuremberg convictions!  Without the embarrassing president, there will be no reason to play parlor games about inescapable logical conclusions and that will take the wind out of the Democrats’ sails.

It’s like the old puzzler:  If God can do anything; can he make a rock so big that he can’t lift it?  The Americans are the good guys and the idea that some intelligence gathering by professional interrogators constitutes a “war crime” is just as absurd as the aforementioned theological “riddle.”

Heck those methods had to be used to win the war on terror (which Bush did) and knowing that they were necessary brings up another point:  why aren’t the various police departments in the USA permitted to use a harmless waterboarding session (or two) in the war on crime?

Have the dumb Democrats, who think that just because the United States established war policies at the Nuremburg Trials, they must follow them; ever heard of the boxing technique called a feint punch or the legendary chess move called the “ghost knight gambit”?  The idea at Nuremburg was to shame others out of doing what was OK, so that in the future others would be fighting wars with the USA at a disadvantage, wasn’t it?

In their lead editorial on Saturday, April 18, 2009, the Los Angeles thundered:  “Almost as shocking as the document’ catalog of cruelties are the Orwellian arguments with which their authors rationalized waterboarding, the withholding of food and other violations of human dignity.”  Did they give the names of two people who can swear it was done to them, to the factcheckers, so that those wild assertions could be substantiated?

While the Democrats media dupes fill the air with eloquent (Pulitzer Prize time coming up soon) righteous indignation about the gathering of necessary intelligence for America in the war on terror, Patriotic American pundits will turn their attention to other more important topics such as:  The music festival at Coachella, the race in Long Beach, the gathering of hippies (the Sixties are over boys and girls) in Berkeley to celebrate the People’s Park’s 40th birthday this coming week, – why heck even the specialized <a href =http://worldslaziestjournalist.wordpress.com/2009/01/28/graffiti-sneakers/>graffiti sneakers</a> for sale on Telegraph Avenue, are of much more relevance to the true Americans who will be ignoring all the ducky lucky reaction to a few innocuous interoffice memos from the past.

Didn’t Journalism legends Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein establish that newspaper reporters are supposed to be unbiased observes and no propagandists pushing their interpretations off on a gullible and vulnerable audience?  So why are all the “this proves Bush was a war criminal” stealth editorials being inserted into the news stories about some old government paperwork?

When President George W. Bush was in office, there wasn’t a single hint that anything untoward was happening in the White House, but now that a Democrat is in charge, the lapdogs are anxiously trying to outdo each other in their vicious (partisan) disapproval of President Obama’s other party predecessor. 

Quote of the week.  Groucho Marx (AKA “43”) once said:  “This morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas.  How he got there; I’ll never know.”

Now, the disk jockey will play Groucho Marx’s hit song “<a href =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCvz8y_DUSY>Hello, I Must Be Going</a>” while you listen to that, I must be going.  Have a “Night at the Opera” type week.

Refrigerator Magnets Poem

Lounge thought

 

Many time

She almost go near

His best sweet

They tell how

Listen

Protect

See like some say

Must be empty

Telephone honest loyal people

Borrow sleep

Never feel different

Surprise old pal

Dinner will matter

Coffee so late

Tear open the flower

Relax and fight

Sit here

Make my couch cry

Share the night

Safe place

Warm companion

Mean chocolate

Bring day

 

A Blogger calls for backup

(Venice CA) For a columnist, the chance to visit an area where he lived for several decades seemed like a surrealistic opportunity to write a lighthearted bit of gonzo adventures, but the visit has become a reality check where it is obvious that he may be in way over his head with a story that needs someone with a heavyweight’s credentials.

Leaving Los Angeles, after a being a local resident for several decades, a return visit, was the setting for a conversation with a long time friend, John Rizzo, President of the Marina Tenants Association.  When we used the word “kleptocracy,” John asked for a definition.  Briefly, it means a country run by crooks.

John responded by making reference to a legal case that has caught his interest because of a class action suit, he, the group, and his lawyer have been working on for a long time.  The particular case, he said, involved a bit of circular logic where (if we understand it right) some judges were suspected of improper conduct.  The California legislature absolved them of all wrongdoing (real or imagined) and then the judges sealed the case protecting it from public scrutiny.  The Tenants Association, though, feel that the particulars of that case are very relevant to their class action suit and would like to use the facts from that case for inclusion in their own case.

The Tenants Association lawyer, according to what John tells us, has been <a href =http://www.ahrc.se/new/index.php/src/news/sub/article/action/ShowMedia/id/4825>jailed for contempt</a> because of his interest in the other sealed case.  If we understand the situation rightly perhaps it is one of the judges who acted improperly who doesn’t want the Tenants Association to try to imply that he wouldn’t treat them and their case fairly, because of his involvement in the other case. 

The true journalist would be willing to devote hours, if not weeks, to reading about the legal proceedings up to this point, and reading the court paperwork that would help the reporter understand what basic issue is, and then interviewing (if possible) the people who are part of the proceedings such as the judge and the lawyer who (most likely) needs some reassurance that he hasn’t been left abandoned and unnoticed in some obscure jail cell.

For a blogger who has only the limited cash resources of the World’s Laziest Journalist Inc.’s bailout funds (should a warning that Irish people sometime exaggerate be inserted here?), spending weeks tracking down the particulars might be an example of ineffective use of the resources available because even if he produced a magnificent post, that wouldn’t do much good unless or until some heavy duty main stream media reporter came along and “seconded the motion” by doing his (or her) own version of the story.  

Odds are that they would, in the effort to spare their reader’s any wasted time, not mention where or how they learned about the story and thus the net effect for the lone blogger who got the ball rolling, would be a negative cash flow and a warm feeling of accomplishment that only he could enjoy.

The other option is to make a limited effort to track down the particulars of the Tenants Association case and get some interviews (we’ve never visited someone in county jail) while having a grand old time writing columns about some of the interesting folks he has met while staying in the Hostel California.   (The alternative headline for this column would have been:  Postcard from the Hostel California.)

Among the guests at the hostel are:  a kiwi  from Amsterdam working on a documentary film about basketball, a musician from Houston, an excellent guitarist from Berlin, soccer fans from Great Britain, and a couple from Fremantle. 

When the fellow who is writing this column grew tired of Los Angeles, he took some of the money from his Gonzo Grant from the Hunter S. Thompson Foundation, packed up, and traveled half way around the world and wound up sitting in Gloria Jean’s Coffee shop in Fremantle.  At the Hostel in Venice, Ca., he met Andrew “Goldfish” Meredith, who had become bored with his hometown and so he traveled half way around the world to see new and exciting things such as: Hollywood Blvd. and the Venice Beach.  When he asked the World’s Laziest Journalist if he had ever heard of Perth, the reply was “Do you ever go to Mojo’s in Fremantle?”  It turns out that Goldfish lives within walking distance of that music venue.  Does that provide enough material for a great “The grass is always greener . . .” column or what?

Getting back to the Marina Tenant’s Association and their lawyer, the best we can do is issue a call for backup and see if someone (Madigan?  Steve at Playboy? Kim’s husband?  One of the teacher-advisors at the Daily Bruin?  The assignment editor at the New York Times?) who reads this column can get a chance to do all the digging necessary to see if this is just a bit of exaggerated, misunderstood legal paperwork mumbo-jumbo or if there is indeed a lawyer who is being held as a political prisoner in a country where that’s never supposed to happen.

Fred Allen said “Los Angeles is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange.”

Meanwhile, it’s going to be hot as blazes in L. A. today, the Venice beach will be a tourist magnate, and the folks at <a href =http://www.lasaac.org/content/welcome-lasaacorg>LASAAC.org</a> will be anxious to get some assistance publicizing their next “open track” event, so it’s time to have the disk jockey play Randy Newman’s “I Love L. A.” and we’ll head out to the beach.  Have a week that will make you scream:  “Cowabonga, dude, it doesn’t get any better than this!”

April 22 is Secretary’s Day

April 22, Wednesday, is Secretary’s Day

http://www.cardfountain.com/holiday_info/secretaries-day.php

Zen and the Art of Apathy

Que sera sera.

Festival of Books UCLA

The L. A. Times and UCLA will present the Festival of Books this weekend.

http://www.latimes.com/extras/festivalofbooks/

Be there; or be square.

RIP Freedom of the Press

Several news items this past week indicate that the time has come for American voters to prepare a memorial service for Freedom of the Press:

The Sunday morning Republican Propaganda Battalion reassured a gullible audience that American questioning tactics, such as waterboarding, was acceptable military conduct. 

Some winners of the newly awarded Pulitzer Prizes had already been laid-off.

Websites which strive to present an alternative point of view to refute the unrelenting torrent of Republican talking points presented in main stream media were struggling for donations to continue their effort to conduct a debate and prevent a one-sided monologue from being disguised as a fair and balanced effort to keep voters informed about the issues.

Did the Sunday morning reassurances about waterboarding include any references to what was said about “following orders” at the Nuremberg War Crime Trials, or did those pontificating pundits rely solely on their reputations as “journalists” to infer that they had an expert’s command of the topic?

Have you seen any news stories lately about how the “every vote counts” gang is doing in their efforts to prevent Al Franken from taking his seat in the Senate?

What happened to the Republican attorney-general appointees from the Bush era who should have been replaced at the start of a new Democratic administration?

It used to be that genuine journalists, such as Edward R. Murrow, were permitted to punctuate their reports (such as the ones he made from London during the Battle of Britain) with opinions about what the events meant and what the most likely consequences would be. 

Do you think that if the drawdown of American troops from Iraq precipitates a resurgence of the insurgency, the resulting increase in American casualties will force the new President to make a cancelation of the troop reduction tactic imperative?  If the insurgents operating in Iraq could deliver such an embarrassment to the American leadership, what possible reason could there be for them not to do that?

If Osama had actually won the War on Terrorism and achieved his goals of destroying the American business structure, reducing the American military superiority to a debate topic, and eluding his own capture, would the slaves on the Propaganda plantation (Faux News?) concede or report that victory?  Isn’t it more likely that they would – like the band of the Titanic – just keep playing the same old tunes they always performed (on command) and hope the audience didn’t notice reality?

If (as long as we are dabbling in speculation) the Talaban takes over control of Pakistan, will that be good for business at Blackwater?  If the Talaban gains control in Pakistan will there be some new lucrative contracts for Blackwater precipitated by some (hypothetical at this point) American military move to reverse such an occurrence?  If Blackwater stand to profit would Republicans interpret that turn of events as “good for business”?  If something would be good for business, would the Republicans support it?  What’s not to like about a company that has an increase in business during a recession?

While preparing to write this column, we spoke with a citizen of Germany and he noted that because of the role corrupt journalism played in bolstering their Chancelor-for-life’s power grab, back in the Thirties, they specifically wrote new rules into their new Constitution keeping journalism separate from any alliances with political parties.  Gee wouldn’t one cable news network have blown a fuse if they had been in existence when that bit of Constitutional debate was being conducted in Bonn?

If the web sites that strive mightily to counteract the overwhelming preponderance of Republican talking points, which are coyly presented as facts, fall victim to the economic realities of hard times, who then will be left to refute any falsehoods and or distortions? 

The Republican idea of debate most often resembles (metaphorically speaking) the military tactics used by the troops that crossed the frozen Chosin Reservoir.  Some accounts of those events report that artillery weapons were fired point blank at the charging enemy troops but that didn’t turn the tide. Nothing could stop the hordes of charging troops.  See the resemblance to Republican talking points, now?

Freedom of the Press has been doing the Cheshire cat disappearing act since Ronald Reagan won the 1980 election but the people who reaped the rewards of that change are, ironically, the very ones who should have been sounding the alarm.  It is a vivid example of the concept of the sleeping sentry.

Edward R. Murrow risked his career to bring a warning to the American public.  These days network talking heads seem to have converted to the “ya gotta go along to get along” philosophy of winning the ratings competition. 

There are several books that attempted to direct the voters attention to this covert attack on one of democracy’s cornerstones, (“Lapdogs:  How the Press Rolled Over for Bush” is one example) but those books did not generate talk show topics or alarmist editorials in the nation’s leading newspapers.  Why do you suppose that happened?

If this trend is upsetting, then the reader of this column can promote alternative sources of dissention and, when asked, make monetary contributions to bolster and sustain those “Alamo like” attempts to maintain a well informed citizenry, that still exist. 

How much laughter would the failure of a liberal web site elicit from dittoheads?  There was a ship within sight of the sinking Titanic that was perplexed by their neighbor’s use of distress flares. 

When (not if) Freedom of the Press disappears completely in the USA and a memorial service is held, will the leading radio voices of the conservative point of view lament its passing or will they cackle with unrestrained glee?  Or will they just silently wait until they get a chance to secretly dance (or ?) on its grave?

Thomas Jefferson (wasn’t he a famous socialist?) said:  “The freedom of the press is one of the great bulwarks of liberty, and can never be restrained but by a despotic government.”

Now, the disk jockey will play Verdi’s <a href =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDFFHaz9GsY&feature=related>Deis Irea</a> and we will silently file out of here.  Have a “use it (freedom of the press) or lose it” type week.

What’s Not to Like?

When you see a magazine named “Stop Smiling,” what’s not to like abotu that?

http://www.stopsmilingonline.com/

Scoop

When the legendary H. L. Mencken, as a rookie journalist, was assigned to cover political upheaval in Cuba in 1918.  When he arrived the government had implemented a news blackout and would not permit any telegrams to be sent regarding the events that were occurring.  Mencken linked up with a clever local who was sure that the news embargo could be bypassed.  While his stymied and infuriated colleagues expressed their frustration with the government, Mencken and his local guide went down to the waterfront and paid (half now, half when the job is done) a boater to send the stories from Florida to Mencken’s editor in Baltimore.  The paper scored several scoops using this example of capitalistic enterprise.  Mencken outmaneuvered the competition and established himself as a superstar of the journalism world with a variation on the “end run.”

And you thought a “news embargo” was a modern technique?

 

Worse than my spelling?

The Huffingtonpost is (Tuesday at 4 p.m. PDT) running this headline:

FAA Memo: Feds New NYC Flyover Would Cause Panic

Did they mean that the Feds Knew that the flyover would mean that there would be no need for laxatives in New York on Monday?

Gosh, those New Yorkers don’t seem to believe that George W. Bush made it safer for all of us, do they?

A voice in the night

While staying in Kalgoorlie (Western Australia) I tuned in to a music program that was fun.  It was Country and Western – mostly American – and stuff I hadn’t heard even though I knew the artists.

The DJ said it was “comet radio” and it seemed his signal was heard all over WA – that’s a big area so it was either a clear channel AM station or a system of relays if it was on FM. 

It reminded me of times as a kid when I would find an interesting radio station and not know where it was coming from or what the call letters were.  I’d listen until I could hear the information, but the guy in Australia never gave me that information.

Anyone out there know the who – what – where  on Comet radio country music in WA?  If so post a comment.

March or die!

Beau Geste will be one of the films shown in a new series at UCLA.  The series will look at how Hollywood portrayed life in North Africa.  The L. A. Times had a good promo-item story on it today and you can click to the schedule from this link:

http://www.cinema.ucla.edu/screenings/screenings.html

Free Comic Book Day May 2

Saturday, May 2, 2009, will be the newest installment of “Free Comic Book Day.”

http://www.freecomicbookday.com/

Follow the link for more details.

Have the ones from the first free comic book day become rare collectors’ items worth beaucoup $ $ $ ???

This afternoon the emperor wants to go waterskiing . . .

Friday, May 1, 2009, is International Workers Day.  Now quit surfing the internet and get back to work!  It is also celebrated as “May Day.”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Workers%27_Day

For thirty pieces of silver?

Will members of the military testify against Bush as part of a plea bargain deal?

http://bartblog.bartcop.com/2009/04/30/bush-set-to-learn-the-paybacks-are-hell-lesson/

Why not . . . ?

There is a book of police mug shots out and that prompted us to come up with a suggestion:

Since many of the best star’s booking mug shots come from the camera used by the Malibu station for the L. A. County Sherrif, why don’t they (at the next civic charity fund raising event) take photos with that camer for a fee that  would help build the total take.  Many of the people who live in Malibu would get a perverse kick out of helping a worthy cause and being imoratalized by the very same camera that took the (world famous?) picutre of Mel Gibson when he was booked at the Malibu substation.

Too bad Andy Warhol isn’t still alive so that he could put his “take” on the famous mug shots, eh?

If the Los Angeles Sherrif’s Dept could cut throught the paperwork and actually to this bit of charity fund raising, who wouldn’t want to get one for placing over their mantel? 

(Note:  the famous mug shot of Gary Busey

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CSmsEIWZS8g/R8-nXMVXpUI/AAAAAAAAAvg/5yzUwZYD9rA/s400/gary%2Bbusey.jpg

may have been taken with another camera.)

LOL in Pasadena! ! !

Back in the day when Herb Caen was “Mr. San Francisco” he used LOL to signify a Little Old Lady, and now that we stop to think about it, we have a great film pitch idea (where is Bo Zenga when you really need him?).  Who owns the film rights to the Beach Boy’s song “It’s the Little Old Lady from Pasadena”?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQMqgSaZZmM&feature=PlayList&p=6885E9D9523FBCF8&index=0

We got a great idea for a script based on this song.

So I’ll be waiting to hear from Quenten Tarentino or George Lucas in the mailboc for the “worldslaziestjournalist” at the yahoo web site, so e-mail me and let’s get this idea up and running! ! !

Cinco de Mayo

Tuesday will be Cinqo de Mayo.

If folks in Mexico can celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, then I sure as heck can celebrate Cinco de Mayo! ! !

http://www.vivacincodemayo.org/history.htm

It’s Never Gonna Stop!

Fraudulent Journalism; It’s Never Gonna Stop

On Sunday May 3, 2009, the Los Angeles Times featured a story on the front page (above the fold) by Peter Nicholas under the headline:  “Last week marked the inevitable moment when Bush truly faded into the background, observers (note the plural) say.”  Will most readers be able to differentiate quality journalism from stealth political propaganda?  A few comments on this story may help the average voter to make that call.
After indicating that the story’s contention was substantiated by “observers,” (in the subhead), “presidential experts” (Ninth graph) and “political strategists” (Ninth graph), Nicholas quotes New York University Paul Light, Republican Pollster Neil Newhouse. and White House spokeswoman Jen Psaki.

A subhead restates this part of Paul Light’s quote:  “I don’t think that the public will continue to believe that this was all George W. Bush’s doing.”  The full quote contains this:  “And every day that goes by it becomes more Obama’s than Bush’s.”  So what is a binary choice for Nicholas is more of a gray scale thing in the Professor’s quote. 

Neil Newhouse the Republican pollster said “”The perception will be that Barack Obama owns this bankruptcy.”  He adds “He owns this economy.”  An unrelenting torrent of spin would help secure the goal of getting the public to hold that perception.  How many Republican polls will show that President Obama isn’t doing a great job? 

Ms. Psaki’s quote:  “There are some occasions where an movie script would not do justice to the number of major events happening at one time.  This week was one of those occasions.”  Change “week” to “day,” and that quote would be just as relevant to the Invasion of Normandy as it is to Nicholas’ contention.

In the first paragraph Nicholas outlines his case by noting that in the week just past, Congress passed the White House Budget, Sen. Arlen Specter announced he was rejoining the Democratic Party and President Obama was given indications that he would have the chance to replace a Supreme Court Justice.  The cumulative effect of those three items is, Nicholas asserts, is that the Republicans can now be justified in saying:  “Tag, you’re it!”

After making the announcement about switching his party allegiance, Senator Spector made some comments that indicated his fervor was less than total unquestioning obedience to the Democratic Party. 

Wasn’t the majority of the work for designing the budget which was just past, done before President Obama’s inauguration?  Wasn’t it more like a relief pitcher coming into the game in the bottom of the eight inning with a ten run deficit?  Wouldn’t most baseball fans know that the pitcher who was pulled in the bottom of the eight would be charged with the loss?  Why did Nicholas change that bit of common sense thinking?  Could it be that he wants to set up Obama as a patsy if and when he faces the possibility that the election of Jeb Bush in 2012, is just what the country needs?

President Obama will get to name a liberal judge’s replacement on the conservative dominated Supreme Court and that will prove he’s at the helm from now on.  Is that a bit of <I>non sequitor</I> argumentation?

The promise that “observers” say Bush has truly faded into the background comes down to Paul Light’s quote about the transition being gradual.  Is that qualilty journalism or political propaganda? 

Any weekend, people in the USA can tune into a sports program where there is extensive scrutiny about personnel changes and what they portend for a particular team’s future.  If viewers can follow the extensive analysis of the sports announcers who go into minute detail about such news, why then do “political news junkies” settle for sloppy imitations of three card Monte and/or the shell game?  Perhaps secretly deep down in America’s heart of darkness, everyone wants to see the Bush dynasty renewed in 2012 and a continuing unrelenting supply of items such as Nicholas’ story will help them get what they want while displaying a veneer of believing that elections are decided by votes cast by a well informed electorate?

Is Jeb’s Listening Tour a carefully orchestrated, well managed bit of political propaganda or is it really an example of concerned citizens helping a front-runner get a clear view of what the voters are thinking?  Let’s hope that well paid L. A. Times reporters get an assignment to bring the answer to their readers.

What’s happening to Richard Fine, the L. A. lawyer, who, supporters contend, is being held a

<a href =http://www.ahrc.se/new/index.php/src/news/sub/article/action/ShowMedia/id/4825>

political prisoner</a>?  Maybe when Nicholas is hard up for a story suggestion, he’ll ask Professor Light about that item?

For those regular readers who are more used to a flippant snide attitude from this columnist, we’ll revert to form and will end this column, as we usually do, with a slightly relevant quote from Jeb Bush:  “If more people were actively engaged in advocating their positions I think we’d have a better society” and then give the disk jockey a chance to feature a new artist who is following the Red Elvises path to success by starting on the Santa Monica mall, by playing Amy May’s “

<a href =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oWxUtOvUfY>Deja vu</a>

“  (Speaking of deja vu, if Jeb gets elected in 2012, will the Columbia Review of Journalism web site’s decks be awash with crocodile tears lamenting poor political journalism?)  Now, we have to play fair and send an e-mail to Peter Nicholas and invite him to tear this column to shreds in the comments section.  Have the kind of week that will make your spin spokesperson flush with pride and euphoria.

Pasadena’s song

Wanna see the video and hear someone sing the Pasadena Ca official song?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNio-oB4DyU

Why does everyone assume that the “Little Old Lady” from Pasadena drove a deuce coupe?  Does that song say specifically what she was driving?

May 8

Saturday May 8th will be Red CrossRed Crescent Day and VE Day.

http://www.redcross.int/

Humor from Canada

Dan St. Yves does humor from Canada and folks can start learning about him at:

http://thatdanguy.blogspot.com/

We found this information while doing fact checking for the next Saturday Morning column for Smirking Chimp, Op Ed News, and this blog, so you can’t expect us to let the cat out of the bag and tell you what the column is all about before we get to write it, do you?

No.

Posting a link to his blog seemed like a good idea, so we have shared that with you.

So if nothing else check back here where we will post a copy of the column after it has been posted at Smirking Chimp.

The cargo version of the B-24

There were less than a hundred cargo versions of the B-24 made.

http://www.stinsonflyer.com/consolac/c87-3c.jpg

They were mainly used for flying cargo over the Burma hump.

National Train Day

Saturday, May 9, 2009 some folks will be celebrating National Train Day

http://www.nationaltrainday.com/2009/

Speed of Sound Tour

Lebowski fans will note that the Speed of Sound Tour starts this weekend in the Los Angeles area.

http://www.lebowskifest.com/UpcomingFests/SpeedofSoundTourMoreTBA/tabid/186/Default.aspx

Pasadena = Car-spotting Capital of the World! ! !

(Pasadena CA) A smorgasbord of new unrelated facts and events that started a week ago now add up to a chance, for one particular columnist, to augment his continuing effort to provide freelance journalism criticism, cover Jeb Bush’s effort to restore the Bush Dynasty to its rightful place in the Oval Office, watch a town other than Berkeley draw the attention of freedom of speech activists, provide some “inside baseball” news for bloggers, draw attention to the contention that attorney Richard Fine may possibly be considered a political prisoner in the USA, with a simultaneous effort to promote the writer’s new hometown as the unrivaled car-spotting capital of the world.

After moving in on a Friday afternoon, one particular song kept popping up in his mind.  On a Saturday morning stroll following coffee and a scan of the Los Angeles Times, the columnist had not been walking down Colorado Blvd., two minutes before he saw a deuce (1932 Ford) roadster.  Three minutes later a deuce coupe followed.

When an invitation to join the <a href =http://www.columnists.com/>National Society of Newspaper Columnists</a> arrived in the e-mail in box on Monday, it seemed that, based on previous information, that perhaps it was time to visit the offices of the Pasadena Star News and inquire about the possibility of getting a gig writing about the process of a new citizen discovering the charms of this famous city.

The regular Monday night session of the local city council was devoted to swearing in new members and taking a new official picture.

Plans to wage a campaign to have the aforementioned song designated as the official city song were scrapped when, after contacting the city clerk’s office, it was learned that the city had already named a different tune as their official song.

A Ted Rall cartoon in the Pasadena Weekly gave a heads-up that the next city council meeting might draw the attention of freedom of speech activists, rekindled hopes of getting a gig taking a fresh look at the city that is home to college football’s most famous game.

Every day in the new area produced at least one remarkable instance of happy car-spotting.  Two Cobras (or replicas?) had been seen.  A Nash Metropolitan, a sedan that from the side and going away seemed to be a 1931 four door Chevrolet sedan, and some powerful sounding newer cars indicated that it might be a good idea to advocate Pasadena as the car-spotting capital of the world and possibly entering into a media feud with the <a href =http://jalopnik.com/tag/down-on-the-street/>car-spotting photos editor</a> for a leading web source of news and pictures of interest to automobile enthusiasts. 

Many of the cars seen in the Pasadena area are in what car collectors call “cherry” condition, while those featured on-line by the photographer scouring Alhambra find cars that are obviously in daily use.

There are other sites for car-spotters on-line, including one that is not geographic specific, <a href =http://www.madwhips.com/>Madwhips</a>, but seems open to submissions from around the world.  (Yeah, but did they have photo coverage of Summer Nats?)

At this point, an effort to do some fact-checking on old information produced the news that the National Society of Newspaper Columnists had changed its rules and that Internet columnists were eligible for membership, caused a reevaluation of the need for doing the work necessary to catch the attention and approval of the editor of the local newspaper.

If an on-line columnist can now join the National Society of Newspaper Columnists and be eligible to attend their national convention, which will be held this year in Ventura on June 25 to 28, 2009, then it might be time to “cut to the chase” as they say in Hollywood and immediately apply for membership.

The NSNC web site has a page-full of links for those members who live in the cusp area of being both newspaper content providers and bloggers.  The possibility of being listed on that page is yet another solid reason for considering joining the group.

Max Lerner said (wrote?):  “A politician wouldn’t dream of being allowed to call a columnist the things a columnist is allowed to call a politician.”

Now, the disk jockey will play the 1923 song “<a href =http://www.finestkind.ca/Songs/home_in_pasadena.htm>Home in Pasadena</a>.”  We’ll go get the digital camera and shoot some photos that will put Alhambra fans to shame.  Have the kind of week that will get your membership application approved by the Anaheim, Azusa, and East Cucamonga Sewing Circle, Book Review, and Timing Association.”  (Ask a <a href =http://www.rhapsody.com/jan-and-dean/all-the-hits-from-surf-city-to-drag-city/the-anaheim-azusa-cucamonga-sewing-circle-book-review-and-timing-association/lyrics.html>Jan and Dean</a> fan about that group if you must.)

Money Songs

One of the first blog postings we did was a link to the best drinking songs.

We’ve just discovered a link to a list of what somebody thinks is the best songs about Money

http://www.businesspundit.com/30-best-songs-about-money/

So check it out.

May 15 Conscientious Objectors Day

May 15, will be Conscientious Objectors Day

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conscientious_Objector

You gotta problem with that, Jack?

Ready anytime you are, CB!

In the old days previewing what a shot would look like to the camera could mean just using your two hands in the “L” formation to make a “viewfinder.” 

The thought of buying one of the real gizmos that the directors used was very appealing to a youngster growing up in Scranton Pa., but the real world is tough.  He who hesistates spends more cash.  Now, those directors viewfinders cost beaucoup dinero.

We’ve found a place in Hollywood that sell them but they are expensive.

The directors vsiewfinder from Alan Gordon are listed at $699

http://www.alangordon.com/s_camaccessories_markvb.html

Well, it’s back to the old use your two hands method, for the time being.

“We all need someone to bleed on . . .”

Shrapnel, the pieces of metal shards that are distributed when an artillery shell explodes, got its name from the British officer who invented it.

http://www.riv.co.nz/rnza/hist/shrap/

We always thought that Shrapnel would be a good name for a German Shepherd type dog.

Salvaging Obama’s Legacy

Historians may say that the effort to salvage President Obama’s legacy began on Thursday May 7, 2009, when the New York Times published an <a href =http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/08/opinion/08sherjan.html?_r=1> Oped piece by Hassina Sherjan</a> which included this quote:  “Zabiullah Mujahid, a Taliban spokesman, put it very clearly: “The Taliban were united under the leadership of Mullah Muhammad Omar. All the fighters follow and obey orders of one central command. The existence of moderates and extremist elements within the rank and file of Taliban is wishful thinking of the West and the Afghan government.”

If the Taliban won’t negotiate, that means there can not be a negotiated end of the war and if that’s true then the war must come to a conclusion via a military victory.  Since the Democrats don’t want to go into a round of national elections (be it 2010, 2012, 2014, or 2016) after losing the War in Iraq, that means that President Obama must not, under any circumstances, let Baghdad become another version of Ho Chi Minh City “on his watrch.” 

Since the number of troops necessary to impose a military victory in Iraq and Afghanistan would require a staggering amount of expenditures in both cash and lives, that would seem to be (realistically speaking) an unattainable goal.

That leaves only one course of action for President Obama.  He has to fight a holding action and pass the problem on to his successor and that, in turn, means that he has to concede the fact that there will not be a VI Day (Victory in Iraq) and that means that he and his advisers will have to focus on building his future assessment by historians with other accomplishments such as the economy and innovative social programs. 

Unfortunately the current economic outlook indicates that lofty goals will have to be put on hold for the time being. 

President Obama’s spin specialists will have to approach their challenge very aggressively because to some the Obama Administration’s program resembles that portrayed in cartoons when the fast running bird (ostrich?) hands a stick of dynamite (trinitrotoluene) to the dog/wolf/coyote character and with a “beep beep” and sound effects indicating that he is departing a the same rate of speed achieved by a bullet, letting the hapless mutt “holding the bag” and then giving the audience a perplexed look after the inevitable big Kaboom!

If the cost of maintaining a military presence in Iraq and Afghanistan remains stable during President Obama’s term in office and if the economic recover is slow, that would tend to indicate that social programs will have to be downsized and or eliminated during the interim.  If those cost skyrocket, then cutting social programs will become manditory.

The President will have to build a perception that he entered office with optimistic expectations and then use the old WMD explanation when it becomes apparent that a negotiated settlement is impossible:  “He didn’t know there was no possibility of a negotiated settlement.” 

So, just as Bush supporters did in the WMD debate, he can use the old “blindsided by reality” explanation and slowly spread the perception that radical al Qaeda members would rather die than sign a peace settlement.

As this process unfolds liberal pundits can use clever and poetical metaphors to explain the impasse, such as saying that asking al Qeda to convene a Peace conference would be very much like sending the chaplain to talk to a kamikaze pilot about the assertion that suicide is an unforgivable sin.

Maybe the President should do something more constructive such as helping Al Franken get started now in his efforts to raise funds for a reelection campaign?

Perhaps a good diversion will be to start a committee to decide where to locate the Obama Presidential Library?

Comedian W. C. Fields has said:  “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”

Now the disk jockey will be permitted to replay Supertramp’s “<a href=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBAasek8NR4>Logical Song</a>,” which he has played at least once before.  The Pasadena City Council will have an interesting meeting tonight, so we gotta run along.  Have a week in which you never hear the word “immutable.”  (As Dick Martin used to say:  “Look that up in your Funken and Wagnall.”)

May 16 Armed Forces Day

Saturday, May 16, 2009, will be Aremed Forces Day.

The Headless Chicken’s Web-site

If you haven’t seen the web site for Mike the headless chicken, then follow this link

http://www.miketheheadlesschicken.org/index.php

David vs. Goliath on the web?

There is no way that the world’s laziest journalist’s blog can compete (David vs. Goliath style?) with “the best free Reference Directory for Information in the world,” so all we can do is give our readers the link to that site:

http://www.blackstump.com.au/

Pismire

Pismire may sound nasty but it’s just an obscure word that designates the insect that most people call an “ant.”

Split into two

We have added another blog for photos only at

http://floppyphotos.wordpress.com/

That way the World’s Laziest Journalist’s Blog can download faster because we won’t be posting photos here very often in the future.

Train wreck pay per view?

Back in 1896, in Texas, a train wreck was staged.  They didn’t have TV, so cut them some slack, eh?

Here is one online account:

http://hubpages.com/hub/Crush–Texas-The-Train-Crash-of-1896

Realty TV has tried everything else, so it may be time for a staged train wreck.  Ya think?

King of the Alamanac Bloggers

Occasionally, this blog mentions what is being celebrated on various days.  For instance, today is National Conscientious Objectors Day (Tomorrow just happens to b e Mass Graves Day in Iraq), but to learn that today is also National Chocolate Chip Day as well as NASCAR Day we had to go to the blog done by a disk jockey in the Texarkana area called “The Flying Dutchman.”  He is the King of Almanac Bloggers and we will never be able to attain his level of proficiency.  All we can do is run a link to his site

http://www.tfdutch.com/

Tomorrow he will have an excellent amount of information about May 16. 

What will we have on this blog tomorrow?  Who knows? 

We once had a supervisor tell us that being the boss of us was a challenge because he could never predict with certainty what I would do.  I think he may read this blog.  Tune in tomorrow to see what the post will be, because at this point we have no preconceived notions at all.  (We might run an item about the development of Isis, the unmanned radar blimp [you could look it up on the Internets], but since we just mentioned it, that would spoil the surprise, so it won’t be about that.

“A Rose by any other name . . .”

If President Obama continues the search for WMD’s in Iraq, sanctions waterboarding, lets members of the Bush legal team go unpunished, continues the perpetual war in Afghanistan, dismisses any hint that civilians are being hit by the bombs, shifts prisoners from Guantanamo to a remote island in the Indian Ocean, and continues to monitor telephone calls made by citizens living in the USA, would it be accurate to call any (perish the thought!) criticism of such activity as:  “Bush-bashing”?

If (subjunctive mood) the Republicans can use the electronic voting machines to manipulate the results to whatever conclusion they desire and if (continuing in the subjunctive mood) they used that power to let Senator Obama win the election and get a majority in both the Senate and the Congress, could that have been the most clever gambit that Karl Rove ever devised?  How can Democrats call Bush a war criminal if President Obama does the same things?

The Republicans were tired of taking the heat for war crimes and so forth, so by cleverly implicating the Democrats into the process (such as briefing Nancy Pelosi?), and then handing over the executive and legislative branch to the Democrats, the Republicans could sit back and bask in the lack of attention and vitriolic umbrage from the “pro-Liberal” media.

If the Democrats are going to continue the Bush program, why settle for a pretender to the throne?  Why not get the genuine article?  If this columnist were going to give you a free car, which would you prefer:  an authentic 60’s era Ford Cobra, or a new replica?  Won’t it soon become obvious that it would be better to let the Republicans run the Republican agenda and perhaps even restore the Bush Dynasty to the White House?

If that’s what’s going to happen, that means that the disgruntled comments made by columnists who write for this site, will continue to be germane for some time to come and there will be plenty of time to (in baseball parlance) throw a “change-up” pitch or two and write some columns that aren’t obsessed with war, bailouts, and foreclosures.

Have you seen any mention of the “Isis” project which will be to develop and build an unmanned Radar blimp?  It was mentioned in Der Stern.

Will this web site need coverage of the annual summer surfing event in Malibu known as “The Call to the Wall”?

Since the Democrats are in charge, would there be an opening for a “murder critic” at Fox News?  Bring back the old fears about society being out of control and revive the old “law’ n’ order” issue by having a guy (or good looking chick) highlight the most creative, innovative, gruesome murder for that particular day in the USA.  The “Murder Critic” could comment on the most noteworthy ones and ignore the strictly routine ones committed by a husband wearing a “wife-beater” t-shirt.

Whatever happened to the story that indicated a congressional investigation into the finances of some of the famous preachers might be necessary?

Are the expensive collectables you bought (as a hedge against inflation) in the past maintaining their value?

Will Harper’s Bazaar or Vogue be doing any on-location fashion shoots at Sturgis this year?

What did Jacques Cousteau see at the bottom of Lake Tahoe?

What happened to the copies of the old “Sea Hunt” TV series?  Isn’t it time for them to be “discovered!” and issued on DVD?

Why hasn’t reality TV staged a <a href =http://hubpages.com/hub/Crush–Texas-The-Train-Crash-of-1896>train wreck</a>?  It was done over a hundred years ago in Texas. 

If time is running out for prosecuting George W. Bush, why are old men being dragged off to Europe to be tried for things they did during World War II?   Do a google news search for John Demjanjuk who was living in Cleveland and Charles Zentai who was living in Australia.

If Jeb Bush is on a listening tour, what are the folks saying to him?  Are they too polite to ask about the allegations that his brother should be tried for war crimes?  What happens at these listening tour events?  Inquiring minds want to know.

Here’s a great idea for the Obama spin team:  Why don’t we spend the next two years debating health care and then do nothing at all about it?  That should get old 44 off the hook as far as waterboarding and such is concerned.

Did the CIA brief a few strategically picked bloggers about waterboarding? 

If everything you can possibly imagine can be found on Youtube, why don’t they have the instrumental version of the theme for the old TV series “Medic” available?

Why have Willie Nelson and Mick Jagger never done a duet recording?

Didn’t Art Buchwald write a fictionalized story (for one of his copyrighted columns) and then make a fortune when someone plagiarized it for a movie?  Would anyone (this column is copyrighted, ya know) like to read a “based on a true” story column about a woman, who during WWII, was a POW who escaped and managed to get to a neutral country where she had to stay until the end of the war? 

Now, getting back to the idea that President Obama’s about-face on the release of the photos showing abuse of the prisoners at Abu Ghraib; when President Bush brushed it off, it was an outrage and the basis for a war crimes trial, but now that a president setting Democratic President wants to sweep the pictures under the rug . . . why not, eh?

Raymond Chandler wrote:  “I was wearing my powder-blue suit, with dark blue shirt, tie and display handkerchief, black brogues, black wool socks with dark blue clocks on them. I was neat, clean, shaved, and sober, and I didn’t care who knew it. I was everything the well-dressed private detective ought to be. I was calling on four million dollars.”  (Was he going to Pasadena?)

Now, the disk jockey will (if he knows what’s good for him) will play the instrumental version of the theme from the TV series “Medic” and we will drift away.  Have a “Hey, ma, I’ll be marching in the Rosebowl Parade!” type week.

Tracking down first car crash in USA

Cars are bound to smack into each other.  We’ve heard that the first automobile collision in the USA happened when there were only four cars.  Two (reportedly) crashed into each other in St. Louis in 1896.

We’ve tried and tried to do fact checking on this on the Internets, but have failed to find any mention of such an accident.  Was the initial report bogus?  Is the information on the Internets hiding from us somewhere on the Internets?

To see photos of smashed up expensive cars in more recent accidents try Wrecked Exotics on-line at:

http://www.wreckedexotics.com/

We’ll continue fact-finding.  If anyone has verifiable information about the first car vs.  car accident in the USA please post a comment.  Thank you.

Looking for a distraction?

Are you surfing the net and becoming bored?  Try this site:

http://www.easilyamused.com/

They have lotsa links to explore.

Mad Scientist Hall of Fame

Any book with the title:

Mad Scientist Hall of Fame: Muwahahahaha!

was bound to get a plug from the World’s Laziest Journalist’s Blog sooner or later.

The Amazon page for that book is at:

http://www.amazon.com/Mad-Scientist-Hall-Fame-Muwahahahaha/dp/0806528796

Unanswerable Question

Where was Steve Brody when he jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge?

Saying:  “on the Brooklyn Bridge” is wrong, because that was before he jumped off.

Saying “in the air” or “in the water” is wrong because that was after he jumped off.

So where was Steve Brody when he jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge?

Dumb Links

If you want to see Dumb Links, just go to their web site and click on the links they provide

http://www.dumb.com/

Go Dirtbags! ! !

The Long Beach  State baseball team is called “The Dirtbags.”

http://dirtbagsbaseball.blogspot.com/

So if you know a dirtbag or a dirtbag fan you can get them an official Dirtbag T-shirt.  Since Long Beach isn’t too far away, it may be time to go there and get me one of those T-shirts.

Yay for the Yuma Criminals! ! !

A high school in Yuma has “The Criminals” as its team name.  For this and many more interesting high school teams’ names go to:

http://www.tekonsha.k12.mi.us/scaa/teamnames.htm

10-Q for Mike

After an influx of new visiters via a link on Mike’s Blog Roundup on the Crooks and Liars web site

http://crooksandliars.com/

we wanted to send him a 10 – Q (i.e. Thank you) message.  The new visitors had us a bit intimidated because we wanted to post something unique on the next day (today) to show any return customers that we can come up with stuff that won’t look like it came from the Internets Hall of Mirrors type content.  On such short notice the best we could find was that there is very little mention on-line of the Arizona Night Club that operated in Budapest before Word War II.

There were one or two places where prints of  photos taken in the Arizona could be purchased, but not much else about the joint itself.

One of the photos didn’t even mention that it had been published in LIFE magazine.

http://www.bostonharbormuseum.org/galleries/i3749245_Performers_in_Budapest_Nightclub_Arizona.htmlhttp://www.bostonharbormuseum.org/galleries/i3749245_Performers_in_Budapest_Nightclub_Arizona.html

Welcome, new visitors!

A Shiny, Brand-new Conspiracy Theory

In trying to concoct a new and original conspiracy theory that is astounding in its brilliance and unbeatable in the clever insight category, we collected our relevant facts.

(Evidence Exhibit A)  According to extensive evidence enumerated on the <a href =http://www.bradblog.com/>Brad Blog</a>, it seems as if the Republicans can use the new paperless voting machines to preselect the winners of the election.

(Evidence Exhibit B) In 2004, the Republicans had an extensive array of legal entities and strategies ready to do combat with John Kerry.  After Howard Dean surprised everyone with unexpected strength in the early part of the selection process, the mainstream media (including many distinguished Pro-Liberal publications) conveniently spread the meme that Howard Dean had suffered a mental breakdown during a victory speech, and anointed Senator John Kerry, the official “frontrunner” and, after getting the nomination, the aforementioned legal entities and strategies did not go to waste during George W. Bush’s successful campaign for reelection.

(Evidence Exhibit C)  After becoming the first woman Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi disappointed supporters and anti-war Democrats from outside her district, by blithely dismissing any suggestions that President George W. Bush had done “something” more deserving of impeachment than prevarications and blow jobs.  She became the first woman Speaker of the House, but she didn’t have the backing of a filibuster-proof majority and was rendered rather impotent.

(Evidence Exhibit D)  In 2008, the Republicans were very wary of the prospect of waging a campaign battle against Senator Hillary Clinton.  Again, luck came to the Republicans’ rescue and the voters again astounded expectations and pollsters by selecting Senator Obama. 

(Evidence Exhibit E)  After becoming the first Negro President, Barrack Obama suddenly embraced all most all of the Bush War on Terror methodology and strategies and disappointed some of his supporters from outside Illinois.

The people who would strenuously object to the assertion that the Republicans may have “given” the 2008 Presidential “win” to Senator Obama, apparently do not realize that sometimes in chess, when the conditions are just right, an experienced player may seem to “loose” a queen in order to precipitate an exchange that will ultimate assist in his long range strategy to win the game.

For those who can’t accept that the Republicans strategy might call for letting the Democrats win the 2008 Presidential election and get a majority in Congress and the Senate, we’ll offer this possible explanation:  If the Republicans know that they have run up a massive deficit, wouldn’t it be diabolical fun to stick the Democrats with the task of cleaning up the mess?  Can’t you see it in terms of a post Civil War era Southern family having a gigantic party and then when looking at all the work that will be required to put things back in shipshape, Rhett turns to Scarlett and says:  “Don’t worry, dear, that’s why we have servants.”

The Los Angeles Time edition for Friday, May 22, 2009, carried the headline:  “Poor would be hard hit by state cuts.”  Gee do you think that story might make some Republicans feel just as bad as they do when they see assertions that the number of inadvertent civilian casualties in Iraq may actually reach the “several dozens” number?

A recent item online hinting that the amount of money in the Social Security funds account may be perilously low, prompts us to think it may be time to write a column that posits the idea that President Bush has successfully dismantled almost all of the vestiges of the “New Deal.”?  There is only one item left on the agenda.

Wouldn’t it be ironic if it fell to a Democratic President to have to be the one to eliminate Social Security?  Social Security has been a thorn in the side of the rich since the day it was signed into law, and if the first Negro President is the one who ends it, the Republicans might get a very deep level of satisfaction seeing that happen.

Without more than the circumstantial evidence outlined above, it seems unlikely that this new conspiracy theory will gain much traction.  It’s like our long held belief that George W. Bush worked out a “gentleman’s agreement” with Osama bin Laden the consisted of the American President letting Osama slip away in the Tora Bora region in return for Osama’s word of honor that he wouldn’t sanction a retaliation Terrorist strike inside the United States, while Bush remained in office.  It all boils down to the old American folk axiom:  “Difference of opinion is what makes a horse race,” so we should find something else for a column topic.

If this columnist “plagiarizes” an entire sentence from Josh Marshall will that catapult the world’s laziest journalist to extensive coverage by the Drudge Report and the Huffingtonpost?

Many moons ago, while reading a translation of one of the classics of Russian literature, we discovered that the copy we had had a gap of missing material which had been filled with a duplication of a previous section.  We toddled off to the Santa Monica Public Library to get a different copy of the aforementioned Russian novel to be able to “fill in the gap of missing prose.

In the process of trying to find the gap section in the new copy of that old novel, there was a frenzy of jumping back and forth between the two competing translations because the chapters weren’t titled let alone numbered.  In the process of comparing two passages from the two different translations, we noted that there weren’t just a few similar phrasings; it seemed that the two different versions were identical. 

Since this occurred long before the Internets came into contemporary culture, the prospect of “ratting out” the questionable translating abilities of the more recent version seemed insurmountable and we filed the co-inky-dink away for possible future use and let the matter drop. 

As a matter of fact, after doing all that work, we even let reading to the end of that particular story drop.  Didn’t someone once say that all great Russian novels are alike?   Can anyone tell us what happened?  How did it end?  How did  the Karamatzov Brothers escape their dreary existence and catapult themselves to fame and fortune (in show biz?)?

Could we use this bit of personal history as the basis for a defense of a well known pundit who is in hot water for using one single solitary identical sentence?

Are there any other possibilities for use in the newest Saturday morning column to be issued from the World’s Laziest Journalist headquarters?  Maybe we could help a fellow columnist get to the <a href =http://www.democracyforamerica.com/netroots_nation_scholarships/456-jane-stillwater>Netroots National Convention in Pittsburg</a>?

The National Society of Newspaper Columnists (are online columnists now eligible for membership?) will hold their <a href =http://www.columnists.com/index.php?ID=2>convention in Ventura</a> in June.

For the closing quote we’ll resort to one of the very best (In my own humble opinion) sentences this columnist has ever written:  “The days crawled by like wounded worms on their way to the elephants’ graveyard.”  Gosh, I hope some famous columnist plagiarizes that sentence and brings fame and fortune my way.

Now, for those who wonder just how long the perpetual war in Afghanistan will last, the disk jockey will play “<a href = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAWrkrhIFCw&feature=related>Till the Sands of the Desert Grow Cold</a>, by Peter Dawson.
We’re going to click over to the <a href =http://crooksandliars.com/>Crooks and Liars</a> site to see if we can find any good sentences worth stealing.  Have a “day like any other day, but a day filled with those events which alter and illuminate our times” type week.

Juxtaposition

The German news magazine Der Spiegel features  a story about collusion and the Holocaust  (here is a link to the online English language version)

http://www.spiegel.de/international/europe/0,1518,625824,00.html

and that story is immediately followed by another story about Abu Ghraib prison in their German Language edition.

It must be a great example of a co-inky-dink, eh?

For old gas pump collectors

For our other blog where we post photos that are mostly car-spotting and car-oriented,

http://floppyphotos.wordpress.com

we used a photo of an old gas station that has old Gimore Gas Pumps.  When we looked around online, we found a site for folks who are interested in collecting and restoring old gas pumps.

http://www.thegaspumpstore.com/pumps.htm

Growing up in Scranotn, PA, there was a store (plumbing supply?) with a gas pump out in front.  It was just “there.”  It was old and unused back in the late Fifties.  It was (as best as we can recall) very close to the corner of Washington and New York Street.  Is that old gas pump still there?

Barf Bag Collection

It seems that there is an online site for almost everything.  Does anyone else, other than this guy

http://sicksack.com/

collect the sick bags used on airlines?

Keep Your Eye on the Ball

The expression keep your eye on the ball is reported by folks who live in Fremantle (Western Australia) to have originated with a local ceremony. 

At 1 p.m. every day they fire a cannon as a time signal.  Navigators on the ships, in the old days, used that signal to synchronize their clocks.  When the cannon is fired a ball drops (just like in Times Square at New Years) above the cannon.  If folks on the various ships wait untilthey hear the cannon that happens (because sound travels slower than light) a few seconds after the shot is fired and the ball begins to drop.  No biggie you say?  Well if a clock is a few seconds off on the return trip to Australia (coming East from Africa) that few seconds difference will make a big deference in the ship’s location.  It could mean that the ship can be as much as 200 miles off-course and instead of sailing into Fremantle, they could wind up on the rocks in another area.  Hence the advice to navigators to keep their eye on the ball and use the visual of the ball beginning to drop and  not the sound of the cannon, as the time signal for synchronizing their clocks.  So now you know.

Inventing a new word

The Urban dictionary online lists the word that I invented:  Promobabble.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=promobabble

But then again, just bdcause I submitted the word to the Urban dictionary doesn’t mean I didn’t invent it.

Spin for fun and profit

Most folks get so emotionally involved with political issues that they can not calmly and quietly have any discussion about spin while using examples from the contemporary world of “elected” (via stealing) officials, so we will write a bit about some recent travel adventures and point out how spin can, very unobtrusively, be inserted.

Every city in Australia is very anxious to help convince Americans to travel to their country and then select their particular location as the ultimate destination.  The smorgasbord of interesting places can overwhelm an American by sheer dint of numbers.  Should you select the country music festival in Tamworth?  Should you see the rock wave?  Do you really need to see Uhrlur (whatever)?   Should car fans go all the way to Australia just to soak up the beer, boobs and burn-outs at the SummerNats?  (Why does Australia always try to lure tourists to their country’s pet rock and always ignore car enthusiasts?)  How many right hand drive <a href =http://worldslaziestjournalist.wordpress.com/2009/01/06/summer-nats-photos/>deuces (1932 Fords)</a> have you seen in your lifetime?

One of the Australian cities this columnist was enthusiastic about seeing was Kalgoorlie, which is a gold mining town in a remote area of Western Australia (called WA by the locals).  How accurate and spin free would an enthusiastic recounting of the visit be?

Since this columnist’s nominee for best movie of all times is “Treasure of the Sierra Madre,” and since this particular traveler has gone panning for gold in California, heading for Kalgoorlie (named by as one of Australis’s top 100 cities) seemed like a good idea.. While in the Kalgoorlie – Boulder City area, he kept bumping into the same three other tourists who arrived at the same time, on the same train, as he did.

The four of us (a German guy and two young ladies from Japan) went to the Big Pit together and toured a railroad museum together.  We resisted the temptation to introduce ourselves as “this week’s mob of tourists.”  A visit to the Super Pit reminded the columnist of a line in a Waylon Jennings song about how all guys like things that make loud noises.  Waylon neglected to mention that there are bonus points if that thing happens to be <a href =http://www.flickr.com/photos/8216859@N04/3179380448/>a big explosion</a>.

The columnist went (solo) to the Gold Prospector’s Hall of Fame and enjoyed it immensely.  We did some gold panning there.  Bought and some postcards.  We also registered our complaint that there wasn’t one single solitary mention of  “Treasure of the Sierra Madre” movie or Fred C. Dobbs.

Now, if, in our opinion, we only know one person who might enjoy a tirp to Kalgoorlie, is it honest reporting to write an very enthusiastic column about our visit there? 

Skimpy’s bar had two swinging doors at the entrance and the only other time we have seen that in real life was at a joint in Santa Monica (was it 14th and Olympic or 11th and Olympic?).  Since we figured we’d always have the option to go into the one in Santa Monica, we put it off until it was too late and we missed the chance to go inside for a look-see.  Going into Shimpy’s for a diet soda (the only time we’ve ever really had a drink of Sarsaparilla was at a bar in Pennsylvania) was a total hoot (subjective reaction unable to be fact checked.)  Is there an objective way to rate taverns?

We met some folks who were in the gold mining business. 

One guy wanted our advice because he believes his uncle’s children’s book had been plagiarized by folks who made a movie with Brad Pitt and Angela Jolie.  We put him in touch with someone who is a member of the Writers Guild because all members of that group take a dim view of people who might have committed plagiarism. 

Two of the guys in the hostel, where we were staying, were normally good friends, but late on Saturday night they were heard having fisticuffs in the hallway.  If there had been any chance to give the brawl some advance publicity it would have been touted as “The Bishop takes on the Falcon” because one guy was known as “the Bishop” and the other as “the Falcon.”  When asked about it on Sunday morning, neither one of them could remember being in a fight or explain how they had gotten some minor cuts and scrapes on their faces.

How did it go when different groups invited the columnist to go to a local bar for a drink at Judd’s and discovered that he would stick to diet soda?  None of the rough and tumble crowd had the least bit of trouble with it.

How could a person grow up in Scranton and not learn that St. Barbara is the patron saint of miners?  Dunno how, but it did happen.  There is a statue of St. Barabara in Kalgoorlie.  What’s wrong with Scranton?  Why doesn’t she rate a statue in Western Australia, but not “the Electric City?  An online search for a picture of the St. Barbara’s statue in Kalgoorlie was inconclusive.  We knew we should have taken the time to pout our picture of that statue when we had the chance.  Now its in our storage unit and there’s no way it will get posted in time to illustrate this column.

If the columnist had a blast (15 yard penalty bad pun!) in Kalgoorlie and Boulder City, and if he has only one of his friends who might possibly have any fun in that same city (Jersey Bill might love seeing old cars and trucks if he could find where they were hidden away) how can he write a “fair and balanced” account of a visit to the city that was home to “the golden mile”?  Langtree’s offers tours of a working bordello.  Don’t expect to find that fact in a tourist brochure.

Recently while waiting for a bus in Santa Monica, a discussion with a gentleman from London England revealed that he had a brother living in Kalgoorlie.  Do you think he e-mailed his brother that night and told him about meeting a guy near the Venice beach who was enthusiastic about a visit to that mining town in WA?

We loved our daily visit to Jesster’s Pies.  Krispe Kreme Doughnuts are very popular in the eastern part of Australia but folks in Western Australia have to request a favor from traveling friends, if they want to satisfy their craving for that brand of doughnuts. 

If this columnist was hired by any airline to blog (very enthusiastically) about his trip to that part of the Southern Hemisphere, convincing some of his fellow Americans that they “must see” certain parts of Australia might be a blatant example of oversell (“That’s spin if I’ve ever seen it!”), but subjectively the reaction is that since we never went on a day trip from Kalgoorlie to Koolgarde (Even Word’s spell check challenges the names of those two cities) for a one day excursion in the desert with a metal detector, then “Bob’s your uncle,” eventually we will have to go back and correct that omission.  In 1986 when we visited Paris (France, not Texas); we didn’t even bother to drop off a resume at the International Edition of the Herald Tribune, but maybe we should have looked into the possibility of an opening at the Miner?

In a past Internet incarnation as a movie reviewer, this columnist has castigated a nationally known movie reviewer for giving “this is a movie everyone must see!” quotes for the print ads because this columnist has never ever seen one movie that he thinks everyone else will love. 

[Evidence exhibit A and B would be two women who are very much alike but one likes porn and hates violence and the other hates violence and enjoys porn.  It seems very unlikely that they could ever share a mutual admiration for one movie.]

In a similar vein (Again with the bad mining puns!  That’s another 15 yard penalty), this columnist enjoyed meeting and was very impressed with Malcolm X.  Not everyone who met that particular person had the same reaction.  Was it “wrong” to be very impressed with the guy?  Gee, wouldn’t ya love to hear what Bill O’Reilly’s reaction to such a face to face encounter would be?

Is the concept of “one size fits all” really valid or is it just a stealth bit of salesmanship and therefore a lot like “spin”?

Has there really ever been a movie that “everyone must see!”?  Are travel articles completely truthful?  Can political punditry honestly claim to be “fair and balanced”?

V-Australia can get you from L. A. or San Francisco to Australia’s East Coast.  United Airlines can also, but Qantas (it’s an acronym that means Queensland and Northern Territory Air Service) can get you to Australia’s East coast, Perth, and a  bunch of cities in-between, but not direct service into Kalgoorlie.

At this point we probably haven’t help those airlines sell  beaucoup tickets (if you love New York City, you’re gonna like Sydney and be sure to visit Harry’s Hot Dogs!) but by now you should get what we mean when we say spin can be very subtle and misleading. .  . especially if the reader and the writer aren’t working in close coordination like a pitcher and catcher do.

If you read travel magazines be aware that the writer probably never has to wait in a line and gets ushered to good seats and that restaurants make a concerted effort to please the writer. 

Reading only conservative pundits, who gush about the talents and accomplishments of Republican candidates, is going get you something that is more salesmanship than journalistic reporting.

Most Americans say that they think very highly of Melbourne.  We’ll be fine if we never see that city again.  That is a very subjective reaction but you won’t find statemnts like that in a travel magazine story.  On the other hand, don’t be very surprised if one of our future columns is datelined Kalgoorlie.  There’s always the possibility of a rematch for the Bishop and the Falcon,.

Fred C. Dobbs (Humphrey Bogart) said:  “I think I’ll go to sleep and dream about piles of gold getting bigger and bigger and bigger.”

Kalgoorlie has a statue of St. Barbara and so the disk jockey will play Tennessee Ernie Ford’s hit “Sixteen Tons.”  We gotta get going to dig up something for our next column.  Have a pure gold type week.

Hunter S. Thompson Action Figure

In trying to think up ways to get some new $ $ $, we asked the folks in a comic book store if there was (or will be) a Hunter S. Thompson action figure doll.  They said not to the best of their knowledge.  If Ernie Pyle was immortalized by an action figure, why can’t HST be too?

We found a book titled

Action Figure: The Life and Times Of Doonesbury’s Uncle Duke (Paperback)

by Gary Trudeau

which is about the charater in the Doonsbury comic strip named Raul Duke, who is (some suspect) based upon Hunter Thompson.

Getting the rights and permissions and all that seems like it will be a great deal (too much?) work.

To be continued . . .

The Internet as a Super-Sales Tool

In Australia tourism is promoted by the Australian National Travel Association which publishes a magazine called Walkabout or Walkabout Australia.

We tried to look them up via Google.

We get all kinds of suggested site where all kinds of things for sale are featured such as rare posters from teh Australian National Travel Association.  I don’t want to buy a poster.  I want to find their web site and write them an e-mail. 

I’ve got a book with a snail mail address for them.  The information is about 45 years old, but it is better than I can do on the Internet(s).  I thought the Internets were supposed to be the information highway and not a sales tool.

It’s like Ned Kelly said:  “Such is life.”  Forget about learning useful information; buy something! ! !

If you see their web site please post the URL in a comment.  Thank you.

One More (Last?) Comparison of Bush with the Thrid Reich

For those overly enthusiastic Bush bashing pundits who took fiendish delight in making the conservative supporters of the 43rd President squirm by comparing George W. Bush and his henchmen (strike that word out and insert “Administration”) to the German leader who helped his country cope with the world-wide Great Depression during the Thirties, we would like to suggest one more egregious example of similarity.

In 1945, when the defeat of Germany was transitioning from “likelihood” to “inevitable” some greedy people (apparently on both sides) used the chaos, consternation and commotion as a diversion to distract folks from noticing that they were looting the German national bank.

The lack of attention to their crimes was so extensive that even to this day many well informed history buffs are unaware of what transpired that while Hitler was busy blowing his brains out rather than participate in a war crimes trial.  Who noticed that “what the Guinness Book of Records calls the Greatest Robbery ever” was unfolding in the Berlin area. while Hitler and his cronies were gulping down cyanide pills.

The Bush Junta helped confuse American citizens by always inventing new terminology for anything that had a Nazi equivalency.  Torture was called “enhanced questioning methods.” Fatherland security was changed to Homeland security.  Hitler’s Preventative war against Russia was called a Preemptive War when Bush did something similar.  The Third Reich never bothered to defend the bombing of Rotterdamn by claiming that Hitler didn’t know (“Hitler used the best information available at the time”) that it had been declared an open city.  El Rushbo beguiled listeners into thinking that the Gestapo tactic called “waterboarding” was nothing more serious than a college hazing ritual. 

So now we come to this bit of clever verbal subterfuge called “The Bailout.”   

The book “Nazi Gold,” written by Ian Sayer and Douglas Botting, presents a detailed account of what happened regarding the Reichsbank (from 1939 it was known as the Deutsche Reichbank) in 1945 and ’46, and it makes fascinating reading. 

An online page promoting the book states that:  “The book ‘Nazi Gold’ tells the story of a nine year investigation by the authors (Ian Sayer & Douglas Botting) of how more than $2.5 billion in gold, currency and jewels hoarded by the Nazis vanished in the chaos of 1945.

“A colossal theft that ‘The Guiness Bookof Records’ calls “The greatest robbery on record.” The Germans, Russians and Americans all dipped into the booty; some are still alive and enjoying it. But no one has ever been caught or tried.”

Unfortunately when this columnist attempted to fact check that it was a record set and included in the Guinness book of Records, the attempt to verify (with help from the reference desk at the Pasadena CA Public Library) the claim about what the Guiness Book of Records said, was inconclusive.  In the past, we have borrowed this book from the Santa Monica Public Library and skimmed though it and base this column on that reading.  We found very little else about the topic online.  Do your own fact checing by starting at:
http://www2.lib.uchicago.edu/~llou/nazigold.html

How much money flowed out of the Reichsbank?  What would it be worth in today’s dollars?  Will the 1945 Reichsbank heist be eclipsed if the “bailout” is ever found to be a fraud that covered up an Oklahoma land rush style looting of America’s Treasury Department?

If the current Democratic majority in the House and Senate are stymied by attempts to prove that Bush’s approval of Gestapo questioning methods constituted the commission of a war crime, how the heck would it be logical to suggest (let alone expect) them to investigate any similarities between the obscure disappearance of money from the German Bank in 1945 with the massive outflow of cash in America that was called “the Bailout”?

In 1945, some of the high jinks included the actual theft of gold bullion, so, as far as Americans can discern from news coverage available to the general public, no ingots of gold have physically been “liberated” from any government facilities in the “bailout” process, but a great deal of taxpayers’ money does seem (the columnist is expressing a personal opinion as sanctioned by the Second Amendment) to be flowing toward control by someone or something (are corporations a person or thing?) that is not the U. S. government.

It would, of course, be nice if this columnist spent many long hours making a point by point comparison and then meticulously connected the dots and then postulated an explanation that would be able to sustain an adjudicated examination by scholars; but if he went to all that bother, no Republican would care to make the effort to read it and no Democrat would, in a time frame when Jon and Kate are getting extensive media scrutiny, want to squander the time it would take to read it, so readers are invited to make use of their own Googling skills and then, if warranted, make posts in the comments section, if they want to challenge this column’s hypothesis.

Let’s get serious.  Anyone with any amount of sense  whatsoever had to realize that Goering’s art collection was valuable and any orders to dump in into any lake anywhere brings to mind some lines from a Robert Frost poem:
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here

If people were smart enough to scoop up the money and gold in the Deutchbank, wouldn’t some sharpie (or perhaps an entire platoon?) have tumbled to the fact it would be better to steal valuable paintings than destroy them or pitch them into a lake?  Eventually things were destined to cool down and any part of Goering’s art collection that could be seized, appropriated, borrowed, or hidden would eventually bring a nice addition to one’s retirement fund? 

How much special treatment from a prison guard would just one van Gogh get you?  Assuming that in 1945 Goering might not foresee the possibility of ever having the need to bribe a prison guard and hence make an effort to stash a future “inducement” somewhere handy, might be just a tad naïve and an early example of “mis-underestimating”?

The Goering Art Collection has got to be somewhere.  The question is:  “Where?”  Wouldn’t it be funny if some of the Bailout funds were used to buy some of Goering’s Art Collection?

Now, the disk jockey, who plans to use his share of the bailout funds to realize the dream of a lifetime and make a visit to Woflfschanze, will play Jim Bacus’ rendition of  “<a href =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8WyY-1JCrc>Delicious</a>.”   It’s time for us to go pay some bills.  Have the type of week in which an adorable scantily clad young lady asks you if the Picasso painting on your bedroom wall is real.

Are you cleared to know about the Secrety City Festival?

If you don’t know about the Secrity City Fesitval (a WWII reenactment done near Oak Ridge) then maybe you aren’t cleared to use this URL

http://secretcityfestival.com/

What is your security clearance?

Thoughts for and about D-Day

Our Saturday column, -posted a bit early- this week, will attempt to commemorate D-Day, which reminds us of the time, back in 1962, when the movie “The Longest Day” was released and one of our coworkers (at Rodgers Motor Lines) was very enthusiastic about the movie on the second day of its run because she had seen it on its very first day of its run at the Comerford Theater in Scranton.  She told lus how good the actors’ performances were, but, she solemnly intoned:  “I’m not going to tell you how it ends.”

That, in turn, reminds us of the fact that since we have just started reading Admiral Samuel Eliot Morison’s fifteen volume “United States Navel Operations in World War II,” and we hope that no one uses the comments section below to post a spoiler and tell us how things turned out because this is going to take us a considerable amount of reading time and we don’t want anyone ruining a surprise ending, if there is going to be one.

Than, in turn, reminds us that on page 10 of Volume 1, Admiral Morrison reports:  “At the Nuremberg trials it was brought out that (commander of the submarines Commodore Karl) Doenitz had even issued orders to his U-boats to machine-gun survivors of torpedoed vessels, so that they could not ship over again.  It is to the credit of his officers that many of them could not stomach a practice so contrary to humanity and the ancient customs of the sea, and disregarded Doenitz’s barbarous command more often than not.”

It’s a good thing those rebellious German sailors weren’t in Bush military because those disobedient rebels, for their insolence and recalcitrance, could have been threaten, with a transfer to a very unpalatable assignment.  In their case a worse assignment could have been fighting at Stalingrad.  A lot of the good Germans were sent to that Russian city to fight there, but you get the point.

The fact that folks tend to assume that German officers and enlisted men could picked and choosen the orders they deemed acceptable, reminds us of some recent testimony before Congress which indicates to us that Bush may be in the process of learning:  “Paybacks are Hell.”

Before Generalisimo Bush ordered the (Smart) Bombing of Baghdad and the Invasion to take a look around Iraq for any loose WMD’s, the Commander-in-chief (apparently) used some heavy-handed selling techniques to convince the most skeptical of his subordinates that they’d best remember the old military adage:  “When I say jump; you jump and ask ‘How high?’ on the way up, do you read me, soldier?”

Well, time has passed (and a few dozen Iraqi civilians may have very inadvertently been accidentally blown to smithereens – at least they aren’t using napalm) and things have changed.  Bush 43 is no longer the man in charge and the one or two military men that he may have pissed-off with his badgering and bullying are still fighting that same ole war. 

Here’s where it gets hairy for the deposed dictator (scratch that term and insert the words “former President”) because now when those fellows are asked to testify before congress’ Truth in War Crimes Trials investigating committee, they are free to “tell it like it is” and not have to fear any reprisals from the Bush family (well at least not until Jeb gets elected.)

The Republicans seem to take a high school sophomore’s delight in trying to get Americans to subconsciously associate their name calling of President Obama as both a Democrat and Socialist with the fact that Hitler’s party was the National Socialist Democratic party. 

What the Republican’s don’t seem to realize is that if they continue fighting the efforts to punish George W. Bush for his war crimes, what they will get is four years of resentful members of the military releasing a constant stream (like the Chinese water torture – not to be confused with waterboarding?) of tiny, incriminating, details about the run-up to the invasion of Iraq and that continuing series of tantalizing tidbits of information will do more harm to the Republicans than any school boy level of name calling.  The slow release of descriptions of Bush’s performance can not help but be compared to that of the defendants at the Nuremberg War Crimes Trials because the parallels are many and obvious to all but the most Banzai samurai fanatical Republicans in El Rushbo’s audience.

Which brings us back to World War II and the question:  Did Poppy Bush commit an offense that required a courts-martial trial when he bailed out of his plane and left the ballturret gunner to die when the plane crash landed at sea?

What is your security clearance level?  Are you authorized to read about the WWII reenactment that will be held in association with the <a href =http://www.secretcityfestival.com/>Secret City Festival</a>?

That of course, brings us back to the basic World War II question:  Did Roosevelt know that the Japanese were going to bomb Pearl Harbor? 

To find the answer to that we’d have to get a look at the Queen Mary’s log book.  Is a ship’s log a public document?  If, as rumor has it, the Queen Mary was in Pearl Harbor on Saturday December 6, 1941, and if, as it has been alleged, it sailed out of Pearl Harbor on the night of Saturday, December 6, 1941, then it would seem to be enough circumstantial evidence to indicate to a reasonable man (and perhaps also a skeptical columnist) that somebody knew that the feathers were about to hit the fan.

Columnist?  If anyone asks:  “Are you now, or have you ever been a member of a group that has attended a Columnists’ Party?,” we would, if testifying under oath, have to admit that we are in the process of learning the particulars about attending the <a href = http://www.columnists.com/>Columnist’s Convention</a> which will be held in Ventura (Didn’t the Grateful Dead play a fee concert in Ventura every year?) from 25 to 28 later this month.

Recently we have been availing ourselves of the opportunity to browse through some magazines published in the 1938 to 1943 time frame (as part of some fact finding regarding reincarnation, perhaps?).  Over and above the idea that if anyone was alive back then, buying a 1940 Ford DeLuxe coupe would have been such a coup (like that play on words?), we see that a constant stream of pin-up photos such as those that accompanied the article, titled “Fair Girlie,” pages 50 – 55, in the July 29, 1940 issue, about Betty Kuzmeek (it seemed to be spelled that way in the article but in the photo captions, it was spelled Kuzmeck) who was a star attraction at the World Fair exhibition called “20,000 Legs Under the Sea.” 

The July 29, 1940 issue of LIFE magazine also included a survey in an article called “A Picture of the U. S. mind summer of 1949, on page 20.  The Roper firm had asked people “If Germany and Italy should win the war, which of these two things come closer to what you think the U. S. should do?”  An astonishing 88% answered:  “Arm to the teeth at any expense to be prepared for trouble.” 

A while back, we wrote a column headlined “Life without LIFE” and suggested that they start posting the best pictures of the day on their magazine’s website.  We’ve noticed that now they are doing that.  Great job, guys!  Don’t stop there.  LIFE always attracted some astonishing photos from their readers.  They ran them in the letters department, the “Speaking of Pictures” weekly feature, and the Parting Shot.  Come on, LIFE, you’re only halfway there.  Can’t Nikon or Kodak or somebody like that help underwrite the cost of assigning one or two compute literate-photo savvy people to take this project all the way?  Solicit and post readers’ photos, damn it! ! !  You want to build the traffic going to your site?  What photographer wouldn’t want to have one of the pictures he (or she) took associated with the LIFE brand name?  I’ll bet readers’ photos will double your number of daily hits. 

On D-Day for 2009. it might be cynical to ask if George W. Bush sent troops into Iraq for the same lofty goals and ideals that were held by the troops who landed on Normandy beach.  Now, we  will direct folks’ attention to page 15 of the Pocket Star Books paperback edition of Stephen Hunter’s “The 47th Samurai,” where they will find this passage asking about the death of Japanese troops on Iwo Jima:  “These fine men, they contribute so much, they die on a crest of black sand on an island of sulfur that held no meaning at all that could be divined.  For the emperor?  How many of his men knew that the godlike, all-knowing, all-demanding, emperor was a recent invention and that for three hundred years had been the puppet-joke of Edo, while in Kyoto stronger subtler men ruled and only tolerated an emperor as a useful fiction, a figure around which to build distracting (and therefore helpful) ceremonies?”  Does that sound like a possible description of Georg W. Bush?

The disk jockey seems overwhelmed by this column so he has selected more than one song to play us out this week.  He will be spinning these platters:

The <a href = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cavmIu5Auk>Association’s Cherish</a>
Della Reese’s “<a href = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdbepiZDvX8>And that reminds me</a> . . .”
Frank Sinatra’s song “<a href = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIiUqfxFttM>That’s LIFE</a>”
Marlene Deitrich’s “<a href = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MO0lUXnAs-U>Lili Marlene</a>”

The number one Pop song in Great Britain, on  D-Day, 1944,  was “Berlin Or Bust —  by Sam Browne and the Six Swingers.”  Then let’s all have a minute of silent tribute to those who died on the beaches of Normandy 65 years ago.

Wildest Almanac Blog Ever?

Is their a wilder Almanac blog than “Exicuted Today”?

http://www.executedtoday.com/

Just ‘cuz I want to . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1lhzi4uU8o

Salt and Pepper Shaker Museum

At a yard sale that offered many, many cute salt and pepper shakers, we asked the lady if there is much online about collecting salt and pepper shakers.  She said there is “lots” and while Googling to fact check this information for a new post, we discovered that there was in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, a Salt and Pepper Shaker Museum.

Seeing is believeing so here is the URL

http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/12285

Runaway to join a hippie commune?

If the thought of running away from your life and joining a hippie commune appeals to you, then you might want to start fact finding by going to this URL:

http://wwoof.org/

[Update added on Sept. 1, 2010:  If living in a lighthouse is more your style try this post

http://worldslaziestjournalist.wordpress.com/2010/09/01/hide-in-a-lighthouse/

and this URL

http://www.uslhs.org/resources_be_a_keeper.php   Good luck!]

“Heads, I win; tails, you loose!”

The old Laurel and Hardy comedy routine about turning a coin-flip decision into something which resembles the stealing of the 2000 Presidential election should be kept in mind when any liberal attempts to debate with a conservative because, conservative oratorical values and debating styles are quite different than what the liberals are used to using. To the conservative lying and being a hypocrite are splendid examples of modern Christian living. When they discuss contentious topics the conservative is not obliged to use the courteous rules of discourse. Here are some Conservative Debate Rules: The Bumper Stickers vs. White Papers Rule. Hubert Humphries complained to his staff that his oratory seemed to bore the audience. They told him that shorter, snappier points were more of a crowd pleaser than a long and through explanation of his philosophy and any possible exceptions to his general rules. The Image Rule When Hubert Humphries asked his staff why the public had a perception that he was short, they bluntly replied by telling him that he had a big head and that if you parked the Goodyear Blimp on top of the Washington Monument, it would look short. The Ann Coulter’s legs Rule If Ann Coulter is wearing a thigh high skirt when ske makes a clever point, how can a disreputable looking liberal guy refute her legs? The “Here comes the Hindenburg!” Rule The liberal, when he is permitted his 10 second opportunity to respond, must always stick to the subject. If the conservative is being trounced in the debate, he must immediately divert the topic to something completely irrelevant and extraneous. The “Never give up!” Rule In the book the leader of Germany wrote while he was in prison, he urged his followers to never admit that the opposition had the least possibility of being correct on anything. The Divide and Conquer Rule Conservatives (in public) adhere to the “One for all and all for one” advice, but the Democrats can be counted on to let a good pro-liberal talking point go unnoticed. Example: Do you think this column will be cross-posted in the Huffington Post? Not even if this particular section is cut? The Contradictions Rule Democrats operate on the premise that they should stick to proper debating tactics and that a flat-out unsubstantiated contradiction is invalid. Republicans will reply that famous social critic Montague Python would refute the premise that contradicting isn’t arguing, by saying: “Yes it is!” The too Obtuse Rule If Dennis Miller refuses to use any segment of his show to discuss the Robert Brasallich case because it was too obscure to be of interest to his audience, is it possible that he has ulterior motives? The “My God can beat up your god” Rule. The only person who can be given the chance to refute a Christian minister must be a Muslim woman in burke and facemask. The Three Examples Rule In an intermural (should the commets section be hijacked and go into a debate about the difference between “intermural” and “intramural”?) situation where the ignorant liberal must be inculcated with the correct way to think, any broad statement by the liberal must be challenged and a scholastic level of substantiating material must be provided. The conservative, who is omnipotent and infallible, can speak ex cathedra and is therefore exempt of any pesky need to digress by dispense the specifics about where the dumbfounded (conservatives have mostly found that the liberals are dumb) liberal can verify the veracity of the citations. Example: Brushing aside requests for sources to verify the broad sweeping assertion that the issue of the Queen Mary’s location on December 6, 1941 has been put to rest. If our fact checker can not find any means of verifying that statement and a conservative says “that issue was put to rest years ago and isn’t worth reexamining” that’s known as “ducking the question” and is an invaluable conservative debating dodge. On the other hand, when a liberal has the impudence to attempt to establish a contradictory statement, he (no conservative will waste time engaging a woman in a philosophical discussion) must “give three examples.” The “Always besmirch a liberal’s source’s qualifications and/or reputation” Rule When a liberal does give a source for his opinion, it must be vigorously challenged. Example. Barron Siegfried L. von Richthofen III personally told me that all German Shepherds are registered as Republicans. A conservative would refute that by reminding the audience that Siggy was very mean drunk and an SOB (no disrespect to your mom Siggy) and therefore his conclusion should not get any attention or credence (will “Looking Out My Back Door” be this week’s closing song?) when he is used as a scholarly source. The Incredulous Rule When a conservative is called something (say he is called a “conservative troll”), the proper response is to use a “I can’t believe you’d say something that stupid” reply accompanied by an expression that conveys a combination of hurt and outrage. Example: Is that supposed to be a “put down”? (Does a put down artist go around shooting horses who have just broken a leg?) The Ad Hominum Rule When a source is denounced for personal shortcomings (such as a famous night of drunken debauchery) that is an invalid debating strategy and is noted as such in any debating competition. Conservatives, however, refuse to abandon the ploy. The “Just kidding, dude!” Rule If a conservative is challenged for saying says something that is borderline racist the reply will be that attempts at humor are exempt from close scrutiny. Liberals are so very sensitive to not wanting to hurt anyones feelings, ever, for anything, that they will almost never avail themselves of this opportunity to make snide remarks. Thus giving conservatives a distinct debating advantage. The Perfection Rule Conservative need not be shackled by petty details; however if a liberal pundit makes one spelling urror; that invalidates the entire effort. Warren Commission Magic Bullet Rule If a wild idea helps with conservative goals such as refuting ideas that Lee Harvey Oswald didn’t shoot President Kennedy (because he couldn’t get off all the shots in the time span heard on the recording of the police officer’s open mike broadcast of the shooting) then go for it. Was the Warren Commission’s official motto: “You got your head right, Luke?” The “Cut to the Chase” Rule If a liberal speaker seems to be making too many salient points cut him short and snarl: “So What’s Your Point?” The altruism is for fools Rule. Wouldn’t it be very sad and poignant if sincere liberals donated their time and efforts to libear web sites only to have their efforts sabotaged by paid conservative trolls who use dishonest and misleading debating tactics? Quote (overheard in movie theater in Pasadena, earlier this week): “The effect of this bill is they’ll have no clothes but be eating caviar.” The disk jockey wants to play the “Theme from the X Files” and we want him to play Bobby Darren’s “Mack the Knife.” After loosing a coin toss, he will play the song with a shark in it and so it’s time to cut out. Have a “sharp as a razorblade” type week.

Better Late than Never

[<B>Book Review</B>]  At the same time that General Motors was a top news story last week, we happened upon an Avon paperback copy of J. Patrick Wright’s book “On a clear day you can see General Motors” and we snapped it up with a lightening like move that brought to mind the expression “gun fighter’s reflexes.”  It seemed likely that the 1979 book might yield up a great quotable sentence to use in one of the Saturday columns, but when we opened it up and began to skim, we realized that we had hit a gold mine for a source of many great quotes.  Unfortunately the Introduction clouded the prospect by revealing that the book was originally to be written by John Z. De Lorean himself . . . with some help from Wright.  So how do you attribute quotes from this book?  Are they John De Lorean quotes or do you give a quote about a board meeting at General Motors and attribute it to Mr. Wright? 

The title of Chapter Four, “How Moral Men Make Immoral Decisions,” alone, sparked hopes that it would provide the basis for a column with the topic being capitalism has gone out of control like a runaway truck on a long downhill road.

The money quote from all the great possibilities in Chapter Four would seem to be:  “A fraud on the American economy, because I always had a vague suspicionthat theannual model change may be good for the auto business in the short trem but that it wasn’t good for the economy and the country.” 

Hippies appreciated the fact that the “bug” didn’t change much each year.  The bug with the oval rear window, which was not split, was from 1955 – 57 (approximately).  In the 58 model, the rear window became a bigger rectangle.

On second thought, maybe the best sentence in Chapter Four is:  “It seemed to me, and still does, that the system of American business often produces wrong, immoral and irresponsible decisions, even though the personal morality of the people running the business is often above reproach.”  The writer continues:  “The system has a different morality as a group than the people do as individuals, which permits it to willfully produce ineffective or dangerous products, deal dictatorially and often unfairly with suppliers, pay bribes for business, abrogate the rights of employees by demanding blind loyalty to management or tamper with the democratic process of government through illegal political contributions.” 

A different group morality?  Mabye the Torture Truth Commission will want to explore this premise?  Could it do for the Torture question what the “magic bullet” theory did for the Warren Commission? 

Since General Motors and their plight have been in the news recently, many of this site’s regular readers and/or pundits may enjoy this book and find their own favorite of a juicy quote that is relevant in a “ripped from today’s headlines” kind of way. 

We will note, at this point, that book reviewers are often given blanket permission to quote and since this is a book review (we urge the publisher to reprint this important book and then flood the zone with it), we have availed ourselves of that privilege.  There are plenty of great quotes, you get the idea by now.  There’s no use overdoing the quoting bit.  This book review is only thirty years late but we urge our listeners to take the “better late than never” attitude to heart and make an effort to find, buy, (or borrow it from their local library) and read it! 

Lately, it seems that all the pundits have taken to all commenting on the most recent news development and no one takes time to try to draw the public’s attention to something which could help them learn about and then think about any one of these never ending divertissements, but we’ll break ranks and run this column about General Motors even though last week’s news is sooooo last week.

It’s a good book.  Read it even if you have to skip the commentators telling you what you should be thinking this week in reaction to the Iran election results.  Be bold and audatious.  Read “On a Clear Day You Can See General Motors” and then think about the issues that John De Lorean was trying to draw to the public’s attention thirty years ago.

Knowing what was going to happen to the General Motors official after the book was published, gave this read a rather spooky feeling.  If he was very moral then, how did he change between then and when he got caught on film?  Could it be that he was a “payback” victim because of this book?  If you don’t do your own thinking, then don’t expect the wolfpack of conservative philosophy purveyors at Fox to figure it out for you because this week they have to guide the country through the Iran election crises. 

Wait!  Maybe, this columnist got the fact checking wrong?  Did Fox commentators also draw your attention to this book recently?

If we ever learn how to say “Post in haste, proofread afterwards at leisure” in Latin, this columnist will then have his very own (original) motto.

Muhammad Ali boasted:  “Not only do I knock ‘em out, I pick the round.”  Does that describe the contemporary attitude in today’s American business world?  (What?  You wanted, instead the John Dillinger quote about Ford cars?)

Now, the disk jocky will play the Beatles, Stones, Flying Lizards, Led Zeppelin, Jerry Lee Lewis, The Doors  and the Smashing Pumpkins versions of “Money (That’s What I Want)” and we will go out to our swimming pool filled with money and do the Scrooge McDuck routine.  Have a “We hit the jackpot!” type week.

Yeah, I know.  He shudda played the <a href =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGZvQoPxhNs>Dinah Shore
</a> song.

On the Road websites

We love beatniks and “on the road” information of all sorts. Recently we saw that Rand McNally had a blog with an entry about barf bags and, since we had posted a similar item, we took a look at their blog.

http://ontheroad.randmcnally.com/

In fact checking for this, we found a lenghty list of blog links

www.blogged.com/directory/recreation/travel/travel-tips

Another good source for “on the road” stuff is Roadside America here is there web site

http://www.roadsideamerica.com/

It’s a good think I know a little bit about html otherwise getting the links into this post would have been impossible.

What became of the Monk?

One of the great “on the road” pioneers on the Internet was Monk magazine. Two guys traveled about putting out a real magazine from their moble office. They now do web consulting (as pioneers are entitled to do). You can find out some of the Monk history by exploring around on this site:

http://monkmedia.net/MonkMedia.swf

Hitchin’ a ride

While we are running items about online sources for “on the road” information, let us not forget
Digihitch

Digihitch

It has all sorts of pages to investigate. So, what are you waiin’ for? Click the link already!

Did Bush shave points?

Many moons ago (AKA the Fifties?), there was a scandal about college basketball players who “shaved” points. At the time, this columnist was so naïve that he figured as long as they didn’t let their team lose, it was OK. Later, as a more mature individual, who could appreciate the dishonesty of messing with the point spread and the impact that could have on the adventurous individuals who had place wagers on the outcome, it became obvious that not winning by the greatest amount possible was just as wrong as deliberately losing the contest.

Can any pundit seriously suggest that President George W. Bush may have been a mole for his family’s old business associate Osama bin Laden and “shaved points” in a way that helped make a victory in the search for WMD’s in Iraq impossible? The most fanatical of Bush critics cannot help but note that the quick road to “Mission Accomplished” was so textbook perfect and efficiently executed that only a “graybeard old loon” would dare to hint that the Baghdad Peace agreement was not only George W. Bush’s finest achievement, but also a direct result of one of the all-time great American military victories.

Didn’t Bush supply all the number of troops his generals requested?

Wasn’t Bush relentless in his attempts to capture bin Laden in the Tora Bora area?

Didn’t Bush go right to the main target? He swooped into the empty WMD store rooms and was just as surprised as anyone else when they found “the cupboard was bare.” Wasn’t bin Laden, Heussein’s ventriloquist’s dummy? Could any serious student of military history suggest that Bush’s invasion of Iraq was as foolish and inopportune as when Germany went out of its way to drag Russian into World War II?

One of Osama bin Laden’s aims was to cripple the American economy. Didn’t George W. Bush predict that Iraq was a piece of cake that could be handled quickly and efficiently and stick to that promise and not (as they say in Hollywood) go over budget?

Wasn’t his quick achievement of the Mission Accomplished goal done with blitzkrieg like efficiency so that the United States economy would not be crippled by a long, protracted and costly war? Didn’t George W. Bush studiously avoid all the errors made by the German guy precisely because he was haunted by the specter of the post war economy that left the WWII loosing country’s economy in a shambles? If you’ve seen the bonuses handed out around Wall Street recently, you wouldn’t have to ask about how America’s economic heath is doing.

To hear George W. Bush’s harshest critics, he and his cronies clung to illusions of victory much like the urban legends about remote islands in the Pacific that are still being run by Japanese military units who think they are valiantly holding out for the sake of the emperor.

George W. Bush’s goal was to import democracy into the Middle East, which had been a bastion of desert kingdoms and state sponsored theocracy. Today Americans can point with pride to the fact that elections were recently held in Iran and except for a few malcontents (like the Democrats who live in Florida) the triumph of Democracy in Iran is something which will make American hearts swell with pride. Despite what the communist agitators say, the results are (like Bush himself) unimpeachable.

Thanks to George W. Bush, President Obama has inherited a “to do list” which will afford him plenty of time for “date night” excursions and triumphant tours of the world where he will have plenty of practice for getting used to world wide adulation as Bush’s proxy.

The time has come for pundits to finally admit that George W. Bush didn’t lose the war, but, as Stephen Colbert so proudly proclaimed in Newsweek, decisively won the war in Iraq and it’s time to turn to more mundane matters.

Since journalists are used to being admitted free to various event in order to provide news coverage of the various events, maybe we should apply for a press pass to cover the upcoming columnists convention in Ventura? If journalists have events they must hand out “press credential” to folks who want to cover the event, eh?

The recent crash of the Air France flight was a major tragedy, but have any of the pundits pointed out that the number of people killed, 228, brings up the question of why were they using an airbus to do a job that could have just as easily been done by a smaller Boeing?

How many people, who attended the Summer Nats in Canberra on the New Year’s weekend, will make it to the L. A. roadster show? Will the So Cal folks dig and be hip to it if you war a “SummerNats” T-shirt?

L. A. went “uberenthusiastic” with the Lakers victory. This columnist wishes that he had bought a “West Coast Eagles” T-shirt when the chance was available because such a garment would confuse the heck out of the football fans in what used to be Rams territory.

Some time back, we wrote a column lamenting the plight of L. A. attorney Richard Fine, who, according to his supporters, is being held political prisoner. Recently Leslie Dutton featured that story on her Full Disclosure TV show.

Why does Word program always challenge a sentence written in the passive voice? How the heck can you put it in the active voice if a judge ordered Fine to jail for contempt and the guy was a victim of political vindictiveness? Does this active voice sentence work: “Fine is currently enjoying an extended stay in Los Angeles County jail, provided free by a judge who was concerned that the activist lawyer was spending too much time at work and needed some reset and so proscribed that he take a ‘time out.’’?

Isn’t it odd that one particular online company best known for printing T-shirts for bloggers would not permit a certain columnist to use a clever T-shirt design, which was critical of the invasion of Iraq and included a swastika, but now seems to sanction the selling of T-shirts that advocate using liberals for target practice?

Has anybody taken a critical look at the Governator’s idea about selling California’s assets? Do you see another windfall coming to the fat cats? Let’s say you buy San Quentin Prison. Are you going to be running it as a non-profit charity? No? Well then you have to tack on some profits when you run it. What will the net effect for California citizens be? They have to come up with more money, because they are (ultimately) the ones who pay for prisons. How the heck can adding a middle man save money? Why doesn’t the wolfbpack at Fox question this illogical suggestion?

Speaking of rip-offs, were doing some fact checking at the World’s Laziest Journalist World Headquarters and would like to know if rip-offs by businesses are become more prevalent. If you have anecdotal evidence of a business rip-off please leave a vaguely worded (no brand names or company firm names, please, because we don’t want to see you fight a libel and or slander suite) brief description of what happened and how much of your money they got.

Isn’t it odd that big business can, as was reported this week in the Los Angeles Times, sink $3.5 million into “60 Frames” and then let it slide into oblivion, while an eight year (approximately) old liberal effort has to hold recurring fundraising efforts. Didn’t Bill O’Reilly insinuate that some mysterious fat cat (called Sore-U. S.?) hands out operations funds to liberal web sites as if they were as easy to come by as the free candy in a real estate agent’s office?

Gypsy Rose Lee Quote: “If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing slowly . . . very slowly.” Did she mean a thing like ending the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan?

Cover ups? The world is becoming a cover-up playground and so the disk jockey will spin Dr. Hook’s “Hey Lady Godiva,” David Rose’s “The Stripper,” and an old rare copy of Jimi Hendric playing “ Night Train.” (Did you want a more traditional version? It’s time for us to take off. Have a “let it all hang out” type Sixties flashback week.

Kitsch abides

What if there was a you-tube type site that only had kitschy things?

Well, there is and it is called “Everything is Terrible.” Check it out:

Everything is Terrible

Did Kerouac have a role model?

Recently this columnist has been doing some fact-checking (not enough to jeopardize his standing as the World’s Laziest Journalist – just enough to keep himself amused on a quiet Summer afternoon) when we stumbled across the story of Will Parker contained in the October 16, 1939, issue of LIFE magazine.  The story (lest you forget) tells about the young man’s hitchhiking journey from San Francisco to New York City.  His travel pal, Hart Preston, took the photos used to illustrate the story of the pioneering hitchhiker.

Did Jack Kerouac read and become influenced by this pre-war adventure story?  He would have been about 17 years old in October of 1939.  Did he happen to read that particular issue of LIFE magazine?  Did Neal Cassidy?

This columnist, who was greatly influenced by Kerouac, recalls reading the Will Parker story in LIFE while doing some recreational reading during his college years, in the University library.  Was it as great an influence as the reading of “On the Road” and/or “Death in the Afternoon”?  Doesn’t it at least seem likely that Will Parker was one of the contributing factors?

Now matters get even murkier for the columnist because this information would be a very great topic for the readers at the Digihitch website, but previous attempts to jump through the digital hoops necessary to be able to cross post this column on that particular site, have proven to be an insurmountable obstacle.  Dang!  Woldn’t it have been marvelous to cross post some of the dispatches from Australia on that travel oriented site?

Which brings up this bit of insight:  when railroads were in the formative stage some brilliant planner advised them to facilitate the industry’s growth by adopting industry standards so that one company’s locomotives and passenger cars and box cars could avail themselves of travel opportunities on other firm’s right of way.  Universal standards gave them the bases for unlimited growth in the United States.   Is the fact that cross posting one column on three different sites causes some formatting challenges with each new venue, be a hint that the Internets still hasn’t learned the railroaders’ secret?  Could individual firms that want to have clients pay for their own unique scripting, be causing a “tower of babble” type delay in the growth of the Internets?

The Beat Museum in San Francisco, would probably find that a copy of this particular LIFE magazine would be a worthy addition to their library and or exhibition.  As luck would have it, while this installment of the Saturday Column was being written, we wandered into Hodgson’s Antiques in South Pasadena and found that they had copies of various issues of LIFE for sale, but, unfortunately, not the particular one with the Will Parker story in it.
Getting back to Will Parker (of the LIFE magazine fame), bloggers can find information and topics that haven’t been subjected to “overkill” on the Internet if they make an effort.   

Commenting on what paid pundits have just said, isn’t journalism and, quite often, it isn’t full of stunning insights and perceptive comments, but it is easier to do than actually going out and scrounging up original material. 

Take, for example, the topic of car-spotting.  If a columnist wants to use his own time and his own (or the one at the Pasadena Public Library?) computer for a bus-man’s holiday (15 yard penalty bad “on the road” pun!) and put some photos on his blog for Jersey Bill and a few other friends to see, then he has to go out and shoot some pictures.  Some of the pictures are not examples of Ansel Adams like technical perfection, but is there a market for sarcastic critical comments about car-spotting photos?  The only logical reaction to seeing photos on a car-spotting blog would be to go out in your own neighbor hood (such as Alameda?) and take and post your own photographs.  . 

What ever happened to Will Parker?  That question brings up a rather disturbing possibility and subsequent topic.  In 1939, what were the odds that a healthy young man of 21 would live to see his thirtieth birthday?  Did Darwin take into consideration for his “survival of the fittest” theory the fact that quite often humans send only their very best off to war leaving the home front to cope with survival of the species by providing the women with an available assortment of queers, former prisoners, mental defectives, and physically impaired men.  If Will Parker died in action, shouldn’t Jack Kerouac have, at least, mentioned him in the acknowledgements section of “On the Road”?

British Sci-fi writer John Christopher wrote about the intergalactic adventures of a young man named Will Parker, but we’ll leave it up to some future doctoral candidate in literature to assertain if there is a cause and effect link here or just a co-inky-dink.

Will Parker may have been a hitchhiking pioneer but he seems to disappear without a subsequent trace while the likes of Kerouac, Cassidey, and Alan Ginsburg were left to thrive and prosper among the hordes of lonely affection starved women in the United States.

The Will Parker issue of LIFE also had “mug shots” of the various new 1940 brands of cars in the Speaking of Pictures segment and featured a promotional story for the film titled “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.”

One of the “selling points” Parker used to help himself get rides was the fact that good current events chats were assured because he was carrying a portable radio on the journey that took 12 days and cost the traveler $23.60.

The photographer’s existence was basically ignored, which gives the story a bit of an “unrealistic” spin to it.
It’s obvious that this column isn’t an astounding example of the potential of the citizen journalist movement on the internet, but did you really want or need a columnist to add his voice to the chorus of disapproval the pundits have showered upon the Iranian elections and the American President’s response to it?  You do?  OK!  How about this:  Iran, that wasn’t very nice.  Shame on you.  Feel better now?

In summing up Will Parker’s adventure, the writer noted that Will Parker had by talking to the various 29 good Samaritans, who had given him a lift, conducted his own public opinion poll on the country’s mood.  On page 52, it was noted:  “Most were in favor of Social Security and keeping out of war.”  My how times have turned things around, since then, eh?

[Note:  does society change?  Wasn’t one of the few (only) newspapers which ran the death of Elvis Presley as the headline story on page one, the Santa Monica Evening Outlook?  Back then most newspapers didn't want to compete with People magazine.]

Now, the disk jockey will play the Michael Jackson – Mick Jagger duet titled “State of Shock”  We’ll take a break.  Have a “moonwalk” type week.

Are you ready for Comic-Con?

We thought it was about time to start looking into the possibility of getting a press pass (we got one in 2003) to cover Comic Con in San Diego next month

http://www.comic-con.org/cci/index.php

but we saw that there would be no more press passes issued for the 2009 event.

So, I guess that ends that idea.

Stay tuned to see what (if anything) we do cover in July
There’s always “The Call to the Wall” iln Malibu. We could get there on an MTA bus.

Would John Wayne have approved torturing prisoners?

The Republicans have commandeered the traditional trappings of patriotism and have laid claim to the use of any patriotism inspiring slogans, images, and or historic personalities, but we are going to risk their wrath and ask: Would John Wayne have endorsed torture? Since the conservatives like control the dialogue, they would try to foil all liberal attempts to make sense by throwing in a cheap diversionary move rather than answering the question. It seems quite likely they would respond to this question by asserting that the question breaks down into two versions Would the American icon known as John Wayne have condoned the torture of prisoners or would the actor, Marion Mitchell Morrison (AKA John Wayne), a well known conservative, have endorsed the enhanced questioning methods approved by the President of the United States?

Fans tend to think that the John Wayne icon’s code of ethics was summarized best in the line from “The Shootist:” “I won’t be wronged. I won’t be insulted. I won’t be laid a-hand on. I don’t do these things to other people and I require the same from them.” (One assumes that means he wouldn’t want to be tortured as a prisoner and therefore wouldn’t inflict it on others if the situation were reversed.)

During World War II, Gino Merli’s position was overrun by German troops. Merli played dead. A German soldier wanted to make sure it was a dead American whose body he saw, so he stuck hi bayonet into the area Merli would have squashed if he sat down. Merli used self-control and convinced the German he was contending with a dead man. After the Germans passed by, Merli jumped up and used an automatic weapon to mow down a large number of German soldiers. He got a Medal of Honor and would have had a unique perspective for making pronouncements for or against inflicting pain to gain information. Do you honestly think Gino Merli would have endorsed torture to augment information gathering?

Initially we intended to run a longer list and look at other American heroes such as Sgt. York, Audi Murphy, General Custer (which tribe of Native Americans was noted for the quality of its torture?) and General Custer’s brother (who won two Medals of Honor) and see how they might possibly have answered the torture question, but since a Republican President started the torturing and since a new Democratic President seems to be giving his blessing to most of his predecessor’s war policies,, it would seem, now, to be a moot question. Why bother with hypothetical answers to something that ain’t gonna change?

Since there will be some technical and logistical challenges presented later in the week, this will be our “Happy Forth of July” Saturday morning column posted a bit early.

Don’t fritter away time worrying if John Wayne would or would not have sanctioned torture, just go out and celebrate Independence Day.

In “The Defendant,” G. K. Chesterton wrote: “‘My country, right or wrong,’ is a thing that no patriot would think of saying. It is like saying, ‘My mother, drunk or sober.’”

Now the disk jockey will play John Wayne’s recording “The Pledge of Allegiance.” We’re ready to go stake out a prime spot on the Venice Beach. Have a “full of patriotic pride” type week.

Take it off! ! !

David Rose’s song.

How do you define “naked”?

A popular video about air safety from Air New Zealand

Air Safety from Air New Zealand brings up this question:
If someone has clothes painted on their body, are they naked or not?

(Does this look like an outtake from “Laugh-In”?)

Which?

Here’s a film pitch idea.

There would be two hour segments

A film made by film school students from a script by one of Hollywood’s top script writers (Shane Black?)

The second would be from a film school student’s script but it would be filmed using a top director (Oliver Stone?) a great cinematographer and well known actors and actresses.

Which of the two segments would you most like to see?

Hara-kiri Awards for Journalists?

If readers were forced to make a choice which group would be more reprehensible:
the Germans who invaded Paris or the French citizens who chose to help them once they arrived, which group would they want to denounce more?

The Germans believed they were super-patriots helping their country’s leader.  The collaborators chose to abandon their country’s principles and throw their lot in with the “conquerors.”  One of the most newsworthy examples of the collaborators who were found guilty of treason for their actions was Robert Brasillach and it is in his honor that we say we hold American journalists, who are retroactively endorsing Bush’s war crimes, in lower esteem than the Bush Junta war criminals because (at least) the fanatical Republicans (just like the Nazis) did not betray their principles.  The Sunday morning propagandists, who recently became accomplices in Bush’s deceit and lies by belittling the idea of a torture investigation, were betraying the code of honor that was endorsed by practitioners (such as Edward R. Murrow) of their (in their own inflated opinion of themselves) profession.  
Recently Crooks and Liars and the Brad Blog have noted that the Sunday morning gasbags have belittled the idea that Bush and his henchmen should be tried for their various war crimes.  Apparentlyl they don’t even see the need for a torture investigation. 

How would the American public have reacted if the Germany journalists in 1945 suggested that holding the Nuremberg War Crimes Trial was an overreaction by a victorious military and that the Hitler gang should be put out to pasture, but not have to face the ordeal of public humiliation and punishment for their sincere efforts to promote Germany’s economic development via some well-intentioned land grabs?

For any America media personality to suggest that it would be in America’s best interests to grant de facto pardons to Bush, Chenney, et al, by dispensing with any criminal investigations and trials is as absurd as the concept of some leading French existentialist intellectuals suggesting that the Nuremberg War Crimes Trials were an egregious example of overreaction by a victorious military force.  Not bloody well likely, eh?

Sartre and Camus may have disagreed over the death sentence delivered in Robert Brasillach’s case, but there can be no doubt they held the man in utter disdain for what he did.

John Amato and Brad Friedman, as journalists, do well to not do any editorializing, by peppering their stories with adjectives that convey opinion such as the words “reprehensible” and or “heinous,” but since this is a column there are no such restraints and we will indulge in a bit of speculation about how much these loathsome individuals deserve to be given this years (imaginary) hari-kiri Awards for traitorous conduct by media stars (who have the temerity to call themselves “journalists.”)

It is bad enough that the on-air personalities did not challenge Bush before the invasion of Iraq.  They did not seize on the “where did it go?” factor of the missing WMD’s after the invasion.  When they are tipped to the possibility that millions of Iraqi citizens may be being slaughtered in the various air raids being conducted, they stand by silently (much like the folks around the Nazi concentration camps who didn’t get too curious about the trainloads of folks being taken in to places such as Buchenwald) and say nothing.  When a town like Fallujah is bombed into ruble, they say nothing about that recalling the fury the world used to denounce Reinhard Heydrich’s endorsement of retribution for resistance efforts.  As for torturing prisoners, the Sunday Quisling clones take about the same attitude toward waterborading as the Catholic Church did during the Inquisition.

Now they want to advocate that, with a world crying for justice (outside the USA), it’s time to turn the country’s attention to more mundane matters such as the memorial services for Michael Jackson. 

Sunday morning fame-whores should be an embarrassment to even the smallest Journalism school in the USA and the Columbia Journalism Review should be as strong in their denunciation of these suck-ups as Jean Paul Sartre and Albert Camus were of Robert Brasillach. 

If the members of the Bush Junta are going to be tried for war crimes, shouldn’t some of the media personalities, who added their enthusiasm to the Bush effort to trample American ideals, also be put on trial, just as many French were after the United States liberated that occupied country in World War II?

Do you think Dennis Miller would like to put a proponent of that suggestion on his radio program?  If not, why not?  Doesn’t he always say he likes to air both sides of an issue and then endorse the conservative viewpoint?

Recently Miller suggested that the United States should refrain from giving any reasons for starting new wars.  At least Hitler had the decency to offer a fraudulent excuse for invading Poland.  Why waste time on phony excuses, eh, Dennis?  Is that the Genghis Khan approach to spin?

These Sunday morning clowns should be given a nice shiny unused Japanese hari-kari sword and a contract to appear on a new and extremely gruesome reality TV show for “journalist” who have betrayed the principles of journalism, helped deceive rather than inform their country’s citizens, and made a mockery of the founding fathers high regard for a free press and the Constitution.  Just think of the ratings!  What’s not to like about that suggestion?

This column’s closing quote has to be the most famous line from the movie “Network” “I want you to get up right now and go to the window . . . and yell:  ‘<a href =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dib2-HBsF08>I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore</a>!’” 

In an effort to be “fair and balanced” the disk jockey will, for members of the Republican talking point bucket brigade, play Tammy Wynett’s “Stand by your man” and for the people who remember that Edward R. Murrow risked his career to fight a bully, will play the best Bush song (done by Johnny Cash) ever, “God’s gonna cut you down.”

It’s time for us to say Sayonara.  Have a week full of real patriotic moments like the one when Ricky Blaine told the band’s conductor to play the Marseillaise (belated Happy Bastille Day.)

Movie review

Saw “Twelve Monkeys” last night.  It was a very good time travel movie and Brad Pitt gave a noteworthy performance.

Another “face in the window”

Recently we posted a picture (over at our photos site

http://floppyphotos.wordpress.com)

a photo taken in the Haight Ashbury section of San Francisco that had a window with an odd face showing.

Tonight we found the story of a courthouse with a portrait that is etched in one of its windows.

A slave was looking out the window at a potential lynch crowd.  At that moment a bolt of lightening hit and etch a portrait of the frightened fellow into the pane of glass.

Here is a link to a web page with photos and more details of this incredible story.

http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/2012

Who reads this sss. . . stuff?

We’ve been threatening to buy a computer notebook or lap top so that we can post more stuff more often because sometimes, while traveling on the road (It seems we didn’t post one entry while we were in Kalgoorlie Western Australia) getting access to a computer is tough. 

We might have already spent the price of a laptop on the computer time we’ve paid for while “on the road.”

Fans of Albert Camus might appreciate a guy going to Fremantle (Western Australia) and taking a photo of the Bon Scott statue for about 50 different hits world wide, but at times it does seem like the blogger is going overboard in his embrace of the Absurdism philosophy.

Recently my pal “Jersey Bill,” who is often the target audience for the photos of cars that we post over on the other blog, said that he rarely looks at our blog(s).  He will click the link if we send him one (as when we post a photo just for him) but the rest of the time he’s “too busy.”

That leads us to wonder:  Who reads my blog?

Are all the hits one time visits from folks who found something they wanted to read about and then they never come back?  Are there any regulars?  We did get one comment from someone who said she got a kick out this blog.  (Thanks for the encouragement.)  Does any member of my posse read this regularly?  Why, when we ask the audience a question (such as an attempt to find out who was “Comet radio” playing country songs at night in Australia), doesn’t any one answer?  We thought the Internet was more “interactive” than just touch and go landings. 

So we ask:

Who are these people?

Who reads this blog?

Does anyone read it regularly?

Who is “comet radio”?

The Meaning of Life

Finding the Meaning of Life

[We heard this story many years ago and would give credit to the source, but it was so long ago that we are just glad we can remember the story.]

A man was seeking the meaning of life and so he traveled to Tibet and climbed up to find the wise-man of the mountains. 

He asked the wise man “What must I do to learn the meaning of life?”

The wise man answered:  “Shoot out someone’s eye with a be-be gun.”

The man was puzzled and said he didn’t understand that.

The wiseman said:  “When you were a child, didn’t your mother tell you that you wouldn’t be happy until you shot out someone’s eye with your new be-be gun?

Joke with letters

This joke is older than I am.  (Yikes!)

A Sweedish guy goes into an American coffee shop and this conversation takes place:

Olie:  F U N E X?

Waiter:  S V F X

Olie:  F U N E M?

Waiter S V F M.

Olie:  OK M N X.

Music for Digital Kerouacs who are “on the road”

For those of  you using a push pin on a map at home, I’m going down to L. A. Monday.

The disk jockey will be playing Dave Dudley’s “Six Days on the Road”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKcYRkUI0Dk&feature=PlayList&p=5B8EACB9ACFFBBBC&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=48

Youtube automatically generated the song “People Are Crazy” (are they insinuating something about me?)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqrogegV1lw&feature=PlayList&p=5B8EACB9ACFFBBBC&index=49&playnext=2&playnext_from=PL

Naturally we gotta play Willie Nelson’s “On the Road Again”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSICoacOT60

While we were listening to Comet Radio while staying in Kalgoorlie we heard them play Bobby Bare’s “500 miles from home.”  It seemed to us we were farther away than that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgnaavPxSmk

One road song that most kids will never have heard of is Red Sovine’s “Phantom 309″

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4HhFY3ljZc

Sometimes you pick up new music while on the road.  While we were in Freo (Fremantle Western Australia), we learned about Seasick Steve.  It’s called “Started out with nothing” as in:  “I started out with nothing and I got most of it left . . . .”  (Ain’t that the truth?)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlKzRhEEJ_I&feature=PlayList&p=FDD59474B4F77A34&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=32 

Of course, to get to Australia, you get there fastest if you fly.  So we will play Silver Wings

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cupVwLbavt0

Good thing that “I love L. A.’

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Br5x48NQvyI

To be continued .  .  .

The U Haul tourist attractions

If you have seen the U Haul trailers with interesting tourist attractions stories on the side you may want to look up the source for these great “on the road” stories from around the U. S. and Canada.

The URL for the Canadian WWII secret project known as Project Habbakuk (making a ship using ice) is at

http://www.uhaul.com/supergraphics/landing.aspx?site_id=169&sort_order=0

The main page with icons for all their stories is at:

http://www.uhaul.com/supergraphics/

Fans of unusual stories and attractions will enjoy this collection.

America’s answer to SummerNats?

Next weekend in Reno the “Hot August Nights” old car, hot rod, car-spotting event will begin.  We’d love to go and see if it’s anything like SummerNats in Canberra was.  Follow this link:

http://www.hotaugustnights.net/

Wish we’dda bought ourselves a SummerNats T-shirt.  Wouldda couldda shouldda. 

(Gees, Reno is closer to Berkeley than it is to L. A.  So why are we going to L. A.?   Guess we won’t make it to Hot August Nights this year.)

Wonder if Jalpopnik will send a photographer to cover it?

We’ll soon find out, eh?

Summer of our Discontent

When we returned from our (fist) trip to Australia on Inauguration day in January, this columnist was eagerly looking forward to summer (in the US) and the prospect that we would be writing about the war crimes trials of George W. Bush (and our disk jockey would be playing Hank Williams’ “Knock the Hell Out of You” song at the end of it) and his cronies , but it looks like there will be no such columns written this summer (or ever?) and most appropriate song would simply be “So Long, It’s been good to know ya.” It seems we will have to come up with a different idea for a summer column. 

Our question about where was the Queen Mary when Pearl Harbor was attacked got answered when we went down to the tourist attraction in Long Beach and talked to the Public Relations department who consulted the ship’s records and informed us that the ship spent from late November to mid December of 1941, in Trincomalee harbor.  It may have been there for some periodic maintenance.  That shot down our theory about that ship getting an order to evacuate from Pearl Harbor late on Saturday, December 6, 1941 and it caused us to learn that Trincomalee is a harbor on the coast of  Shri Lanka (which was then called the island of Ceylon.)  We planned a long and clever column about that excursion.  Without a war crime trial, it seemed that the need for writing that column was also considerably downgraded.  Folks in the US just don’t care that much about wars.

A few weeks ago, a visit to Homeboy Industries had us inspired to write a column all about it and adopt it as our favorite “good cause” and urge folks to donate money to them (after making an enormous donation to their favorite progressive web site fund raising drive) but somehow, despite all our good intentions, it didn’t get written.

Would a column about our disk jockey’s suggestions for assembling all the most appropriate songs for a Bush era soundtrack album be worth the effort?  Well, maybe after the Labor Day weekend, there will be more enthusiasm for the project.

While in Australia, we kept thinking about the fact that we were missing the Sunday Night Classic radio broadcast featuring Jimmy Kay.  We especially thought of that program while standing in the Record store in Fremantle and listening to the entire “At Folsom Prison” album.  It seemed that the further one gets from Folsom Prison, the better the album sounds.  We recently learned that the Sunday Night program went off the air and that a petition to help it get back on the air is available online.
http://www.petitiononline.com/JimmyKay/petition.html

How about a column about James Crowley?  Have you gotten your Crowley for Congress bumper sticker yet?  They don’t make them?  Wait a week.  They will.  How can the Republicans not love a guy who reminds this columnist of Sarah Palin?

When George W. Bush’s paperwork from his air National Guard days turned up missing, it was (to the conservatives leading the chorus of mainstream media) no big deal.  However, they just gotta see Obama’s birth certificate.  We thought about writing a column about the conservatives’ curious application of a double standard regarding old personal presidential documents.  Is this paragraph good enough?

Since we have managed to get a ride on the Goodyear Blimp and a B-17-G, when we got an e-mail recently saying that the Beat Museum (in San Francisco) has resurrected the Beatmobile, we came up with the idea of writing a clever column that would earn us an invitation to do a ride-along story about some of their adventures “on the road.”  We haven’t gotten around to writing that column yet.

Would it be inappropriate to mention here that the (car and truck) International Towing and Recovery Hall of Fame is located in Chattanooga Tennessee?

That, in turn, reminded us that we are still trying to figure out how to get either Qantas, VAustralia, or United Airlines to donate a RT ticket to Australia for the next facet of our new columnist’s tradition of celebrating Christmas in the traditional Australia way (in a bathing suit on the beach) this December. 

That caused us to contemplate writing a column suggesting that maybe one of those air lines should run ads in December in (say) Buffalo, Boston, NYC, Chicago, and Minneapolis, featuring attractive lasses giving a live weather reports from both Bondi and Cottesloe beachs each night.  On a cold winter’s night in the northern part of the USA, it would be afternoon the next day on both of those beaches and the weather report alone should convince some folks that a vacation in Australia at that time of year ain’t a bad idea.

Rodney King once said:  “We all can get along. I mean, we’re all stuck here for a while. Let’s try to work it out.”  He was never invited to the White House for a beer.

Now, the disk jockey will play the fugs “Summer of Love.”  We gotta go send a news tip suggestion (about Richard Fine’s legal plight in L. A.) to Rolling Stone magazine.  Have a “retroactive amnesty” type week.

Example of blog entry for Dave N.

Hi Dave!

The MTA could go this route.

WLJ

Journalism’s Dog Days Meltdown

Have all those Republican US Attorneys Generals, (the ones who are appointed by the President and not State Attorneys General who are elected) who caused a big fuss in the past, been replaced? 

Earlier this year, this columnist did a bit of fact checking online to learn what had happened to the Bush appointees.  A quick random search indicated that in January, before President Obama was inaugurated, those folks were given an extension into the new President’s term in office which was to last until they were either replaced or until early August of 2009.  A search as this column is being written shows that tracking down the information online would be a long tedious task.  Doing a Google News search to learn about any new replacements was inconclusive.  Have they been replaced or have they been grandfathered into a longer stay?

Times up!  If you can’t say right now, then you may never know.

If the New York Times and/or the Washington Post haven’t updated the saga of the Bush Posse residing in the various US Attorneys General offices across the land, then surely some of the top bloggers will (as they did with the original story) send up a collective howl that will force the mainstream media to get the Republican talking points concerning either the new appointees or the extension of the incumbents’ tour of duty.

Sure, this columnist could put in a week or two of nothing but online fact checking and, perhaps, come up with something that either:  a) confirms his worst suspicions or b) results in a list of the new replacements. 

Either result won’t do a darn thing to diminish the nations’ top journalists pride in their own efforts to keep freedom of the press a valued American tradition.  What anyone else does is irrelevant to those pretty people.

If they don’t get around to updating the attorneys general story this weekend, it’s only because they are so busy, with all the staff cuts and such, that they just couldn’t do it and rush the details of the new Supreme Court Justice story to their audiences. 

Then they are also busy helping their Republican sources spread the Astroturf movement to disrupt townhall meetings, reporting the comparisons of President Obama to Hitler, and the departure of Paula Abdul from American Idol.  Yikes!  There’s only 24 hours in each day and they can only cover a finite amount of news in that time period, so it seems that if they pass on the attorneys general updates, it would be very understandable.

Heck if the Talking Points Memo website broke the story originally shouldn’t they be the ones responsible for an update?

If Bush’s appointees manage to hold on to their jobs, do Americans really care?  They don’t seem to be too concerned with the 18 “enduring” bases in Iraq, the growing level of conflict in Afghanistan, and/or the possibility that many folks in countries around the world regard former president George W. Bush as an unindicted war criminal, so why should they care about a bunch of Republican sinecures?  

For those trolls who would like to challenge the statement that folks in other counties consider George W. Bush a war criminal, if you don’t believe it, then go to the Kings Cross section of Sydney in Australia (one of the U. S. most loyal allies – they have sent troops to every conflict which America has fought in the last 110 years) go into a locals bar (such as the Vegas) and proclaim your endorsement of the 43rd President and then see if you can get out of there without getting into an altercation.  Good luck.

Earlier this week this columnist heard Thom Hartman speak at the Santa Monica Public Library.  He raised several fascinating topics, such as Coral Peru, and mentioned in passing that the Muslim culture holds revenge as one of their social obligations.  He quickly added that it was ominous to note that since dozens (perhaps in the hundreds) of Iraqi and Afghanistani families have lost members due to the inadvertent collateral damage resulting from American air strikes, the war may continued until those disgruntle Muslims inflict their retaliatory damage on Americans. 

For folks who claim that the number of causalities in Iraq may be above a million, that tends to indicate that the two wars may have (like the ones in George Orwell’s 1984) become permanent perpetual conflicts.  Yikes!  Just think of the negative effect an eternal state of war would have on the “Peace on Earth” ceremonies at Yuletide.

Journalists are into the “dog days” and doing stories about other more “upbeat” topics such as the flood of tourists who are parading up and down the Ocean Front Walk at Venice Beach.  Should we do a column exploring the back-story of what and why and how the Bondi Beach Café wound up being situated just a quarter of a block away from the aforementioned Ocean Front Walk?  Is it time to go there and do a restaurant review?

Would it be worth the effort to do all the work necessary, if it turns out that United States Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit (case 09-56073) really does result in a continuation of the saga of the first instance in American jurisprudence where a citizen, according to his supporters, has been <a href =http://www.scribd.com/doc/17761439/SupplementalEmergency-Motion-Irrep-Harm-Fine-v-USDC>denied the writ of habius corpus</a>?  Yeah, it would be a biggie just because of the “first” aspect, but there would be a lot of work involved and wouldn’t more people want to read about the fortieth anniversary of Woodstock than plow through all the legalese that would be required to explain the intricacies of California’s <a href =http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/pub/09-10/bill/sen/sb_0001-0050/sbx2_11_bill_20090220_chaptered.pdf>SBX 2 11</a> (enacted on Feb. 8) and how that applies to one lawyer who was disbarred? 

Isn’t it time for Tim Russert’s son to be promoted to appear on-air relaying Republican talking points to voters?

Which is more important for an obscure blogger:  doing the New York Times job for them or working on a good tan?  If you haven’t read any updates about the Bush appointees and their replacements, don’t send me any complaints and don’t send any to the public editor at the New York Times, either, because they only want letters about stories they have written.  They don’t want you bugging him with complaints about stories they haven’t written.  Don’t worry about it.  They’ll probably get another Pulitzer Prize next year for something.  So, don’t fret about a journalism meltdown.

Republican Attorneys General?  America’s first political prisoner?  Maybe it would be best to go up to San Francisco and report on the status of Donald Fisher’s art collection (or the whereabouts of the Beatmobile)?

Mark Twain said “The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.”

Now, the disk jockey will play the Lovin’ Spoonful’s “Summer in the City.”  We’ll go get some suntan lotion and (perhaps) see you on the Venice Beach?  Have a “hang ten” (wasn’t that the final score at the Nuremburg War Crimes Trial?) week.

Pig in a (trauma) blanket

If Bill O’Reilly is looking for a new topic to stir up rancor and animosity between the tree-hugging liberals and the patriotic conservatives, he might be delighted if he reads this column.  PETA, on Wednesday August 12, 2009, held a protest against the treatment of pigs at Camp Pendleton.

The pigs according to information found online Thursday, are slashed with scalpels so that medics-in-training can then treat them in practice sessions.  Later, if they survive, they are, according to the activists, shot and then treated for that medical condition.  If they are still alive after that, they are euthanized, according to information found online.

The PETA people contend that this constitutes inhumane treatment of animals.

Mr. O’Reilly would probably be the loudest to proclaim that the use of pigs save lives by helping to prepare the medics for similar emergencies they will face (with human victims)in combat is acceptable to him and most of his listeners.

It seems likely that if Mr. O’Reilly takes ups this cause; his efforts will be seconded by Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity.

We came across this contentious news item via a photo seen in the Los Angeles Times for Thursday August 13, 2009.  We did a Google news check and found about 20 suggested URL’s and we immediately knew that we wanted to be ahead of the curve on a news item that seems likely to stir up a goodly amount of spirited debate.

While fact checking for this column we learned that there is a rugby team in Portland named the Portland Pigs and that the mascot for the Lehigh Valley baseball team is the Iron Pig.

PETA seems very adept at riling up O’Reilly and others of his ilk and those radio personalities, in turn, seem to inspire the tree huggers to higher levels of commitment.

Recently this columnist has been called to task by an anonymous editor (when attempting to cross post a different weekend column) for emulating the columnist style of Walter Winchell and Herb Caen by using several short items in one installment, so we are hesitant to wonder if the pigs who get cut, shot, and then (if they are still alive) euthanized, would use Australian outlaw Ned Kelly as their role model.  Kelly was shot 28 times while being arrested.  When he was well enough to stand trial they tried him and sentenced him to death by hanging. 

Another reason we like to digress is because it is a way to plant some “Google bait” to help lure new readers to this website.  Sure the regulars know what to expect, but sometimes if we insert a bit of trivia into the column (such as the fact that Fremantle Western Australia has erected a <a href =http://worldslaziestjournalist.wordpress.com/2008/12/27/rock-stars-statue/>statue of Bon Scott</a>, [there’s not too many pictures of that statue to be found online] lead singer for AC-DC because he grew up in their town) people who wouldn’t ordinarily read this web site might (since there isn’t much online about that statue) come to this site and find out that the content pleases them and then they might want to book mark it and come back.  Plus that rationale gives the columnist a convenient excuse to run the obscure information that might not please that aforementioned editor. 

We also know that trauma blankets are used for burn victims, but we couldn’t come up with a better (cuter) headline.

For this week’s end of column quote we will include a snippet of dialogue from “Pulp Fiction:
Jules: “Pigs are filthy animals. I don’t eat filthy animals.”
Vincent: “Yeah, but bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste good.”

This week, before he plays some music, the disk jockey is recommending that all his fans go to Youtube and look up the vignette of the guitar duel between Les Paul (RIP) and his wife Mary Ford.  To end this column he will play Pink Floyd’s “Pigs on the Wing,” “Old MacDonald had a farm,” and Mitch Miller’s song “Be Kind to Your Web-footed Friends.”  It’s time for us to say:  “That’s all folks!”  Have an “all you can eat” type week.

Living in the Hostel World

Hostelling is celebrating its 100 year this year and <a href = http://www.hiusa.org/>Hostelling International USA</a> is celebrating its 75 birthday and since this columnist has been on the road for a good deal of the past year, and staying in various hostels from San Francisco to Fremantle Western Australia and since Hostelling week is from August 22 to August 30 (which is actually 8 days), it seems like this is a good opportunity to write a dog-days column about living in the hostel world and give the pro-Bush trolls a Saturday off by not mention anything about how much he deserves a war criminal trial let alone say anything about how embarrassing such a legal proceeding might be for Jeb Bush and his quest to become “45” in 2012.

Recently we noticed an odd aspect about staying in hostels because when we traveled in Australia, at the various hostels, we met young folks from Great Britain, Germany, France and many Canadians (just a few fellow Americans) but when we wound up staying at the Hostel California in the Venice section of Los Angeles, (not far from the apartment we used to call “home”) we met a slew of Australians. 

It’s a sort of insulated subgroup within the community.  The hostellers meet others hostellers and not the locals.  The locals don’t realize just how much the visiting tourists add to the local businesses.  High rollers tend to stay in upscale hotels and mostly meet other well-to-do travelers.  Business men stay at business oriented hotels and mostly meet other traveling salespersons.

Hostels are a good way to meet folks and make new friends, but there are some shortcuts that anyone trying the hostel experience for the first time might want to know.  For instance, even a non-smoker and non-drinker would find new friends by hanging out in a hostel’s smoking and drinking area.  (Here’s a shout-out to the gang on the roof of the Sydney Central Backbackers Hostel waiting to see the bats [from the Sydney Botanical Gardens] fly past.)  The smokers and drinkers seem to be more friendly than those who abstain from drink and tobacco, but they are very open-minded about letting a fellow who passes on both counts to sit with them and talk late into the night. 

Most Americans (except for the few surviving hippies who used crash pads) aren’t use to the Spartan comfort level, but the ones that do give it a go, know that on a good vacation if a person is on the go from morning to late, late at night and the only thing really needed at that point is a bed and a pair of ear plugs.  Someone who has had a good touristing day will flop down, sleep ‘til dawn, and then start all over again. 

Young folks don’t need all the amenities that run up the costs at a four star hotel.

As we started to prepare to write this weeks’ Saturday column, we bought a lap-top and that brought a new dilemma into our life: we’d like to settle down (Go Berkeley Bears!) somewhere, but with a lap-top we could go back out on the road and be fully portable and not have to pay for computer time. 

Back in the good old days of B&W photos, sometimes when a scheduled news event (track meet or such) was happening outside the nearest AP bureau, they would ask the newspaper that was closest to the event, if thy could invoke interline courtesy and use the local paper’s darkroom and telephones to set up a temporary transmitting station.  They would use the newspaper’s darkroom facilities, but they had to lug a big “portable” transmitter into the office and place it near the phones they were going to use.

For someone who has seen all that elaborate preparations needed to send out photos to the world that way, the thought that nowadays kids can use a lap-top and be ready to post some photos (in color!) on their facebook page immediately after (heck now a photojournalist with the right camera can send out photos right from the event itself) they have been taken, is totally amazing.

Say, with the new lap-top maybe we could sell some rights to the picture we got last Saturday (August 15, 2009) of <a href =http://www.flickr.com/photos/8216859@N04/3843080773/>Oliver Hudson</a> (trying to), from the TV show “Rules of Engagement,” selling kisses on Venice’s Ocean Front Walk.  It was supposed to be part of a scavenger hunt competition.

Getting a lap-top will expand the capabilities of the World’s Laziest Journalist Industries to levels that seemed like a science fiction story just a few years back.  Just writing that sentence makes the WLJ want to get moving again, tomorrow.  We can just hear Willie Nelson singing “<a href =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcXVUi35Y4Q>On the road again</a>,” can’t you?

If we go back on the road, we’d love to go back to Australia.  It’s so big and so varied we didn’t get to see everything in our three months there, but on the other hand, we could explore our origins by going to Ireland.  We understand that the air fare has been remarkable low recently.

Should we go or should we stay . . . put?  If we “go” should we push on into new territory (an Irish pub?) or go back and see what we missed (Coober Pede)?”
 
When we left Fremantle we started traveling east.  According to an Italian guy who worked for the Spanish monarchs, if this columnist continues to travel <a href = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xN8dP4CoFaw&feature=related>East  bound</a> he won’t fall off the edge of the world, he will wind up back in Fremantle.  (Here’s a shout out to the goon squad at the HI on Peckenham St.)  Well our motto has always been:  “Unless I put my hand in the place of the wound, I shall not believe.”  Where is Pan Am’s Flight One when you really need it?  Say, are our Pan Am frequent flyer miles still valid?

Being an ordained minister who do we turn to for advice?  Jim Brennan, author of “Cure Your Bad Back Forever! With the miracle of Equi-load,” shared his advice with us.  He says that that the world is too big and too beautiful for redundancy when it comes to selecting a destination.   He says Ireland and Germany are my destiny and my duty to myself.

Is it true that one particular tavern in Munich has some very historic bullet holes in the ceiling?  What’s it like to hear an “oopah” band during Oktoberfest? 

While traveling in Australia, we never did learn just how the alcoholic drink known ad “goon” got its name. 

We never did learn the who, what, or where about the country music heard on something called comet radio.  It’s one thing to hear Bobby Bare’s song <a href =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgnaavPxSmk
 >“500 Miles”</a> in the USA, but you should try hearing it while listening to a radio in Kalgoorlie.  That’s more like 10,000 miles from home

Just imagine how emotional it would be to hear an Irish folk song in a Dublin pub! ! !

We’ve mentioned in previous columns just how moving it was to hear the entire “<a href =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L05KOAhZA1A>At Folsom Prison</a>” by Johnny Cash, while standing in a record store in Fremantle.

If that Italian guy is right about the world being round, we could go to Ireland, then hop over to the continent.  We could stop in at Cinq rue Daneau, maybe visit a friend since high school in Germany, and then continue on to Fremantle! ! !  It seems that there is very little possibility that we would need to come back to the USA to cover any political developments. 

Didn’t Germany have one-man Death Panels in the SS?  Maybe I could study up on that and get enough material for a good column?

It’s obvious that my faithful troll like to tell me where to go, but should I stay or should  I go?

Here’s the quote of the week from Supreme Court Justice Scalia:
“This court has never held that the Constitution forbids the execution of a convicted defendant who had a full and fair trial but is later able to convince a habeas court that he is actually innocent.”  Can you say “Totenkopf,” boys and girls?

Here’s the disk jockey’s reply to my question about going back on the road:<a href = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SwtVahfwgA>Via con Dios</a>
<a href = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcYsO890YJY> Happy Trails to You</a> and
<a href = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4HhFY3ljZc> Phantom 309</a>

It’s time for us to move on.  Have a Paparazzi free week.

Jack, Bobby, and Teddy

In Scranton Pa., Irishcatholicdemocrat is one word and when it was learned that Jack Kennedy, who was running for President, was coming to town, the excitement level started to rise. By the time he rolled into Scranton it was at fever pitch level.

The candidate was coming to speak at the Hotel Casey, which was across the street from Perino’s Restaurant, and since I knew the owners’ son, Russ, I got permission to be on the roof overlooking the candidate’s arrival.

Some 8mm movies in B&W of the event exist, but finding them, they are packed securely away in a storage unit, would be a major task.

In 1968, while we were in California, we got a picture of Bobby Kennedy campaigning to get the Democrats’ Presidential nomination. We use our most valued possession, a Nikon F, to get some still shots (also in B&W) of him in a motorcade in a>downtown Los Angeles.

Somewhere along the way we attended a political rally in San Francisco. Bobby Kennedy was supposed to attend it. His brother Teddy was there. Again we used the beloved Nikon to get some photos. Teddy was introduced to the locals. We jumped in line and when the guy went to introduce me, he balked. I said my name and shook hands with the Senator from Massachusetts and then yielded my to the next person in line.

At the end of this historic week, most of the posts in Punditstan will be about either CIA torture or Teddy Kennedy. In journalism, August is called the dog days because news is – or used to be – rather slow in the summer of a non-elecitons year, so it seemed like a chance to dash off a column recalling the times we saw all three of the Kennedy senators, was a gimme chance not to be missed.

You want this column to include some political gossip that you can’t get anywhere else?

OK we’ll give you the only hot inside rumor we have from the conservative world: according to what we hear, the conservatives are pushing the search for Obama’s birth certificate because there is supposed (told ya it’s just gossip) to be an application for a foreign student loan for the young Barry Obama that swears to his eligibility for the money.

If he produces a birth certificate from Hawaii and they then locate the alleged document from the President’s college student days, well then, they have him swearing to a falsehood and don’t the conservatives consider that solid grounds for an impeachment proceeding?

Yikes, did we just provide a spoiler for a Bill O’Reilly “scoop”?

That’s the best we can do for this column. It’s time to start wrapping this up. It’s hot in Los Angeles. The Venice Beach is about four blocks away. You do the math.

The closing quote for this week comes from the Los Angeles Times website. While newly inaugurated Senator Ted Kennedy was talking about his relationship with his brother the President, he dabbled in some self-deprecating humor: “I was down at the White House this afternoon with some suggestions for the State of the Union address, but all I got from him was, ‘Are you still using that greasy kid stuff on your hair?’”

Warning: for this week’s song, the disk jockey is going to play the version of Jackie DeShannon’s song “What the world needs now . . . to which disk jockey Tom Clay added some news sound bytes. We gotta warn the liberals, if you’ve never heard this version before, it is going to make you cry. We dare the conservatives to listen to it. We gotta go wipe a speck of dust from our eyes. Have a “let’s drink to his memory” (even if it’s just diet soda) type weekend.

How do you figure?

While traveling we resented paying money to get computer time, so we finally got a lap-top.

Now, when we want to post we spend money to get a drink at the Cow’s End Cafe in Venice and it seems that we are spending just as much, if not more, than we did when we had to pay for computer time in the various hostels.

As Ned Kelly once said: “Such is life.”

PKD on terrorism?

In the novel “A Scanner Darkly,” Philip K. Dick (on page 91 paperback) wrote:  “One of the most effective forms of industrial or military sabotagelimits itself to damage that can never be thoroughly proven – or even proven at all – to be anything deliberate.”  How closely would Dick say that the fires in the Los Angeles region come to meeting his criteria?

Is your cash register half full or half empty?

If you have been getting business news which indicates that the future looks bleak and that things are going to get worse, you are probably reading and listening to conservative media.  The journalists who reach very optimistic conclusions from the economic news are likely to be on Air America or progressive liberal web sites.  The fact that both camps are forming diametrically opposed predictions (with either a quick endorsement of or repudiation of President Obama’s entire agenda) gives citizens a strong indication that “journalism” is in danger of an immanent death (if it hasn’t already flatlined).

Have any of the observers of contemporary culture done stories mentioning any similarity to the fact that when George H. W. Bush’s term was coming to a close, the Savings and Loan crisis required an infusion of government money and that when George W. Bush was coming to the end of his second term in office, the banking industry required an immediate injection of cash on a “do or die” basis?  Why have neither the liberal nor the conservative pundits pointed out this remarkable economic coincidence?

Do the columnist of either the liberal or conservative persuasion point out the absurdity of the Republican talking point that President Obama can be compared to Adolph Hitler?  At the 1936 Olympics wasn’t the mere presence of Jesse Owen with a winning gold medal a subtle way of refuting the German leader’s views about Arian superiority? 

If the clowns who relay the idea that America’s first Negro President is comparable to one of history’s most famous exponents of white supremacy, can keep their composure while “reporting” such an absurdity, then shouldn’t their lack of competency be painfully obvious to all but the most prejudiced members of the audience? 

Would a sports reporter covering a football game be reprimanded if he (or she) asked “what inning is it?”?

On Thursday, July 14, 2005, the top headline on page one of the Los Angeles Times read “Governor to Be Paid $8 million by Fitness Magazine.”  The fact that that updates to that story have been obscure at best indicates a bit of favoritism regarding scandal updates.  Would a Democratic office holder of similar rank, under similar circumstances, get a similar amount of <I>laisse faire</I> response from journalists?  If the California governor was a Democrat, wouldn’t O’Reilly and Hannity have become relentless in excoriating the office holder? 

Is the disparity level of scandal updates an indicator of the possibility that the pro liberal mainstream media have morphed into an embarrassing exhibition of blind Republican talking sock puppets?

Paid journalists who with straight faces assert that conducting investigations into the use of torture enhanced questioning of prisoners will disrupt the business of Congress should be required to write, direct, and narrate a History Channel special on the use of similar methods by the Germans during World War II and they should be compelled to logical explain how the two instances of intelligence gathering are different.

Did the “pro-liberal mainstream media” pay as much attention to the stories that the electronic voting machines can be hacked and the results distorted as they did to the “angry” hecklers at this summer’s townhall meetings?  Why would they want to give more credence to a story that could be based on planted agent provocateurs than they would to a tech story that indicates democracy can easily be subverted?  Think maybe their news judgment regarding these two stories would have any bearing on the amount of their Christmas bonus check from the rich fat cats who own the media that employs them?

In most of the classic Western movies, Americans had a basic high level of animosity regarding a card player who used a stacked deck.  Why, then to they seem to be so unexplainable amenable to “fair and balanced” news reporting that is shoddy and dis-honest? 

If Americans are stupid enough to think that Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity are modern day journalists of Edward R. Murrow’s caliber, then they will, without flinching, accept propaganda, disguised as Pulitzer level quality journalism, that will be used to promote Jeb Bush as a sterling example of a qualified candidate to serve as Dick Chenney’s Vice President and be a heartbeat away from sitting in the Oval Office.

So as America enters an new version of the era that maintained “You’re lucky to have a job,” questioning the direction that America’s economy will take as the new post Labor Day Christmas Shopping season begins, is an unnecessary expenditure of energy.  Tune in to any news media.  Turn on the relentless onslaught of Republican talking points and drop out of the necessity of ascertaining the quality of the reporting you see, hear, and/or read.

Most online sources quote George Washington as the source for this quote:  “The last official act of any government is to loot the treasury.”  The Bushes are not known for their propensity to flaunt tradition.

The disk jockey wants to get a holiday weekend so he wants you to go to youtube and play:  Pete Seeger singing “I’m stickin’ to the union,” Roy Orbison’s “Working for the man,” and Tennessee Ernie Ford’s “Sixteen Tons.”  It’s time for us to take a break.  Have a “kick back” type Labor Day weekend.

Michener’s Warning

This column was re-written and then submitted to Smirking Chimp and re-submitted to Op Ed News.  The updaed version is being posted Labor Day at 5:54 p.m. Pacific Tims

[Book Review]
James Michener’s 1985 novel, Texas, is, in this columnist opinion, the best book for helping liberals understand George W. Bush, that’s available, even though it reads more like a history of the state than a psychological guidebook to the 43rd President. 

However, if someone who picks up a used copy of the Random House hardback edition for a buck at the Venice branch of the Los Angeles Public Library starts to read this entertaining and informative book just for pleasure, it will quickly become apparent that it will be necessary to start marking off the appropriate passages for use in a review of the book seeking to prove the contention made in the preceding paragraph.  What seemed to be a pleasant read is going to require that it be done while wearing the “book reviewer’s hat” because there’s going to be a massive amount of good quotes and salient points to mark off and then sort through when the time comes to write it up.

The fact that when Texas became a state, it reserved the right to secede and become an independent nation might be of interest in the first stages of the post (George W.) Bush era, and the footnote that it also has the right to break itself up into five separate states might be of interest to Obama era political pundits who keep close score on the political balance in the U. S. Senate.  Those two items of interest have nothing to do with the psychology of the former president, so where is the juicy stuff that will remind the good Bushies of what made their man special?

Michener weaves the saga of several different families from separate periods of Texas history into one marvelous narrative thread and when he get into the story of Todd Morrison and his family who moved to Texas from Detroit, he includes a vignette about the daughter, Beth, learning about Texas’ history, such as the fact that Mentone, a city of 41, is the seat for the county of Loving (pop. 163).  The father becomes concerned about the lack of equal emphasis on world geography and history.  That may remind some readers of a time based upon a gaff in a Presidential debate, when Yankee journalists couldn’t grasp the basics of management and understand that a president would have PhD level advisors to tell him all he might need to know about foreign countries, such as one he might be invading soon.

Yeah, it might be an interesting coincidence immediately after Sara Palin resigned as the governor of Alaska to note that one of Texas’ greatest heroes, Sam Houston, at different times in his life, resigned as governor of two different states, but that has nothing to do with figuring out what made “Dubya” tick.

Folks in the L. A. area, who are closer to the movie industry than the oil drilling business, might enjoy the book a great deal because it contains (in a subliminal mode) pitches for some stories that have a high movie potential such as the life of Panther Lomax, Otto Macnab, his grandson Oscar Macnab, and/or Loan Wolf Gonaullas.  Film buffs will be quick to jump to the conclusion that the story of Emma Larkin’s capture by the Comanche and subsequent liberation, was filmed and is rated as one of John Wayne’s best.

When you get to page 259 and read that Rev. Joel Job Harrison said:  “The Texan who guns down his neighbor does not visualize himself as committing a crime,” it starts to become apparent that a President from that state might not be bothered by the legalities of a scrap of paper from a conference which he didn’t attend and then find himself as commander-in-chief, being constricted by a bunch of foreigners who established rules that might restrict the interrogation of a prisoner who might be withholding valuable information which would put the lives of American military personnel at risk, if it were not divulged. 

The Texan’s regard for religion becomes even more obvious when, on the same page, the author outlines the case of the Baptist minister John Franklyn Norris who won an argument with three bullets.  Michner says:  “The jury found him innocent on the grounds, I suppose, that he was a member of the cloth and therefore incapable of doing wrong.”  It seems that Texans accord Presidents that same assumption.

When Judge O. D. Cannon shoots a black lawyer (on page 741) the readers learn:  “The coroner’s verdict:  Harriel Geiger had been guilty of repeated contempt and had been properly rebukes.”

Some “scientists” say that a man can’t hold two contradictory thoughts in his head simultaneously.  Obviously those experts (who believe in “global warming” also?) have never been to Texas.  Michener notes on page 615:  “ . . . many slave holders were convinced tat their slaves, at least, were supremely happy in their position of servitude; but at the same time, the owner were desperately afraid of slave uprisings, . . . .”

Michener sums it all up in the last line:  “Never forget, son, when you represent Texas, always go first class.”  The American citizens who live outside of Texas may need to read this book to see that, by Texas standards, George W. Bush did just that.  This book is highly recommended for any of the fans who would like to understand George W. Bush better.  (We know the book uses the novel format to relate incidents based on the events of actual Texas citizens and hence it could have been a better book (at least for reviewers) if it had an index.)

The best Texas quote may have come from a non-Texan woman, Leona Helmsley who said:  “We don’t pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes ….”  That quote alone should get her a place of honor in the George W. Bush Presidential Library.

Now, the disk jockey will attempt to string together the ten best Texas songs of all Time

Deep in the Heart of Texas (is that song still banned on the BBC?)
Yellow Rose of Texas
Waltz Across Texas (by Ernest Tubb)
Bob Wills is still the King (by Waylon  Jennings)
Houston (by Dean Martin)
Abilene (by George Hamilton)
Amarillo by Morning
Theme from “Giant”
Big D little a Double L –a-s
El Paso (by Marty Robbins)
For a much longer list click:
http://www.texasmonthly.com/2004-04-01/feature.php

This is the World’s Laziest Journalist reporting live, via wi-fi, from the Cow’s End Coffee House in Venice CA, saying:  Have a “Todd, you must go to bed each night reassuring yourself:  ‘This is Never Going to End’ (especially wars in Iraq and Afghanistan)” type week.

Wilson coulda been much worse

Liberals were quick to pounce on Rep. Joe Wilson for yelling “You Lie!” during the President’ speech as an unnecessary display of a lack of decorum and politeness.  Republicans, who don’t think any such display of partisanship would have been admissible during a Bush speech, are chuckling over the tree-huggers dismay when Freedom of Speech is used by a conservative.  Secretly the conservatives know that Joe showed an admirable amount of restraint.  Can you imagine the kumbaya faction’s reactions if Wilson had added even more drama by using the old political cliché:  “Great White Father speaks with forked tongue.”?  The Republicans would have been delighted and the liberals would have had a massive coronary thrombosis, no doubt. 

The press has been castigated by liberals for not fact checking and ascertaining the veracity of the President’s statement, which Wilson challenged.  Is it favoritism for the news people to ignore that aspect of the outburst?  Doesn’t the failure to point out that Wilson was wrong actually, subliminally,  burnish the Republicans and the “angry white male” image they are trying to convey? 

That brings up a rather esoteric question about the coverage of Wilson’s outburst.  Did someone tip off any journalist about it?  When photojournalists and video cameramen are covering a Presidential speech they concentrate on watching the speaker.  Yes, someone may be instructed to take reaction shots of the listeners, but “You lie!” only takes a second to utter and the odds that a still photographer hand a video cameraman would both be aiming their equipment at Wilson at the same time is rather questionable at best.  Were they tipped about the rude outburst beforehand?

Speaking of news photos, and rendering issues in shades of black and white, a visit to the <a href=http://www.annenbergspaceforphotography.org/>Annenberg Space for Photography</a> in the Century City section of Los Angeles on Friday and were very impressed by this new learning resource for photographers.  It was very interesting to note that a good many of the images were Black and White prints.  They conveyed more than just a bit of nostalgia for the Nikon F era of photojournalism.

This column had been roughed out in note form with the intention of actually doing the keystrokes and posting it while riding on an Amtrak train.  Our plans were quickly reconfigured on Saturday when a serendipity lark adventure provided us with a chance to gather some facts and information for a future column which will be posted later in the month (or year?).

One of our ongoing fact gathering tasks, recently, has been to learn as much as possible as fast as possible about the speaking circuit.  Part of our weekend experience was meeting <a href =http://wheeloffthewagon.com/>Jennifer Kay</a> who is an author who is expanding her efforts into giving motivational speeches.  We will share what we learn with her as well as with the lawyer for the Marina Tenants Association whose interesting legal plight is being extensively covered by <a href =http://www.fulldisclosure.net/>Fulldisclosure’s cable TV show</a>.  The president of the MTA, a personal friend, has asked this columnist to help supply the lawyer with information about the area of the speakers’ circuit that specializes in legal matters. 

Speaking of talking, this columnist was recently interviewed for <a herf =http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ComedianStevieMack/2009/09/07/Bob-Patterson–Worlds-Laziest-Journalist>Stevie Mack’s</a> online radio show and we were delighted to be given the chance to practice our verbal promobabble skills.

The Republicans seem to be entering an “anything goes” style of attacking President Obama and a column speculating about where that is taking the county will be posted sometime soon.

Carl Sagon has said:  “One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we’ve been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. The bamboozle has captured us. Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back.”

Now, the disk jockey will play the Rolling Stones song “Lies” (from the Some Girls album).  It’s time to post this column.  Have a “and that’s no lie” type week.

L’enfant Terrible Strategy Returns

Recently <a href =http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/david/gibbs-people-arent-upset-because-obama-black>John Amato</a> mentioned that he agrees with Maureen Dowd and former President Jimmy Carter, regarding the fact that the RepubliKKKan party seems to be taking a racist view concerning the current President.  Some liberal web sites seem to be reluctant to let a columnist do cross postings that make the same contention.  Racial hatred exists in America.  Is ignoring that facet of American culture analogous to denying that Germany used gas chambers to exterminate millions of Europeans?

Would it have been good journalism if Edward R. Murrow reported that the blitz was hardly noticeable and the Brits were on the verge of beating Germany into submission?

Since, the Republicans had conniptions when anyone even hinted that George W. Bush’s thinking and plans were not infallible and since it is obvious that they don’t maintain that attitude of deserved respect for a President who isn’t a white guy, the first question is:
Do you think that the Republicans would authorize the dirtiest political trick their strategists could devise?

If you replied in the affirmative, then the next question is:  “Are they playing the race card?”  Haven’t some online pundits christened the current conservative strategy as the “angry white man” approach?

Are the RepublicKKKans big on traditional American values?

Isn’t the most basic fundamental American right Free Speech?

How long will it take for the leading conservative spokesman to notice that el Rushbo can not use a racial slur word when talking about the current President?  Won’t that give el Rushbo the option of either becoming a martyr for the Free Speech cause or the guy who broke down the prohibition for the use of the “N-word” when white conservatives talk about President Obama?  Think good manners would cause them to scrap that political gambit idea?  If they thought it would be the decisive move in their 2012 Presidential campaign, would any one of them suggest not doing that because it would be tawdry?

Wouldn’t the martyr bit or the return of the once common racial slur bolster the RepubliKKKans’ reputation with the redneck guys who are the target market for the “angry white guy” strategy?  Doesn’t that mean it boils down to a win-win choice for the radio loudmouths?

What would happen if el Rushbo got hizself arrested for using the “N-word” and was charged with a hate crime?  Wouldn’t the folk who strongly support Joe Wilson’s show of disrespect endorse the Excellence in Broadcasting top spokesman’s hypothetical effort to avail himself of his free speech rights?  Wouldn’t they become more than a bit outraged at the efforts to stifle Rush’s political opinion that the use of the “N-word” expresses?

The massive outpouring of monetary support for Joe Wilson indicates that there is an untapped well of resentment against President Obama that is harbored by the guys who have a rifle rack in the rear window of their pickup trucks.  They are very willing to put their money where their mouth is.  Joe Wilson was a proxy for a large number of voters.

Democrats are using the old ostrich solution to the problem of this animosity for Obama by pretending it doesn’t exist.

The RepubliKKKans are coming as close to crossing the line with the topic as they can.  Isn’t it logical to conclude that when the time comes for President Obama to run for reelection, the heat of the moment will produce an “inadvertent” slip and put the speculations raised by this column on top of the current events agenda?

Conservative pundits are holding the “N-word” move until they can gain the maximum surprise value from it.  The liberal pundits seem to be perpetually willing to give the RepublicKKKans the benefit of the doubt about how dirty things are going to get.

This columnist has a right to express an opinion and saying what we think the RepubliKKKans will do is part of the old “everyone is entitled to their opinion” school of thought.  For RepubliKKKans, hypocrisy is a virtue and we fully expect that they will vehemently deny that there is even a possibility that things will sink that low before election day 2012, but we beg to differ.  If Joe Wilson can win their approval of his interruption of a Presidential speech, how can they possibly object to an online pundit giving his opinion about where their <I> L’enfant terrible </I> antics will take the country when the beleaguered voters will have to cope with President Obama’s attempt to get re-elected?

Online one will find this quote from “To Kill a Mockingbird:”  “There’s something in our world that makes men lose their heads- they couldn’t be fair if they treid. In our courts, when it’s a white man’s word against a black man’s word, the white always wins. They’re ugly, but these are the facts of life.”

Now, the disk jockey will play the ultimate difference of opinion song, Lloyd Price’s 1959 hit “Stagger Lee” and we’ll beat a hasty retreat.  Have an undeniably great week.

Where have all the hippies gone?

Published on The Smirking Chimp (http://www.smirkingchimp.com)Where have all the hippies gone?By Bob PattersonCreated Sep 17 2009 – 2:00pm

[Note: This column was written and posted while listening to the Rush Limbaugh program for Thursday September 17, 2009.]

Just as the Sixties were beginning, President Dwight D. Eisenhower gave a farewell speech [1] which warned about the emerging power grab from the Military Industrial Complex in the United States. Vietnam was a former French colony know mostly only to Americans who got A’s in geography, when he said: “Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together.”

On a day when Rush Limbaugh is doing his best to refute the wisdom of the move to scrap plans to build a missile shield in Europe, the lesson of America’s war in Vietnam seems to be this: if a long war was good, a state of permanent war is even better.

On September 11, 2001, Hunter S. Thompson (Kingdom of Fear page 161) wrote: “Make no mistake about it: We are At War now – with somebody – and we will stay At War with that mysterious Enemy for the rest of our lives.”

Finally the hawks can relax and not worry that those damn hippies are going to keep singing their peacenik songs until World Peace arrives.

The author of Operation Chaos is asserting that President Obama is promoting the chaos and furor about race that is currently the top topic of conversation. Listening to Rush on Thursday morning, September 17, 2009, it seems like the Freedom Marches never happened.

Reading news reports that President Obama is deciding about sending more troops to Afghanistan, it seems like now more than ever hippies would need to hear some inspiring songs to encourage peace, love, and understanding.

Rush has informed his audience that the racism issue is being used to obscure the fact that Obama is (as el Rushbo wishes) failing.

Sociologists may well mark the week of September 13 – 19, 2009 as the week when the Sixties really ended.

Back in the Sixties, the City of New York urged citizens: “Give a damn!” Now, the Supreme Court seems to be on the verge of pitting large corporations against individuals and assessing it as an even fight. Surely the hippies who wanted to get involved will be smart enough to realize that if “you can’t fight city hall,” then it’s total insanity to try to buck Wall Street. (Wouldn’t real hippies use a slogan with a word spelled just s tad different from “buck”?)

Would Mario Savio back Rush’s sarcastic remarks about President Obama as an example of Free Speech that had to be defended or would he condemn it?

Aren’t any anti-war rallies, these days, more like a hippie reunion than they are an expression of a “youth-quake”?

Rush says that if President Obama sends more troops to Afghanistan (and Rush knows that he will), then any Democrats who speak out against it are racists.

The news on Wednesday that Mary Travers had passed away makes it obvious that the peacnik movement of hippies and older activists lies in the past. Peace activism must be laid to rest. It brings to mind the title of a Waylon Jennings song: “Living Legends Are a Dying Breed.”

It’s time for hippies to face the truth: RIP the Sixties [2].

Joni Mitchel put it this way: “They won’t give peace a chance, that’s just a dream some of us had.”

(What were the best songs of the Sixties [3]?) Now, the disk jockey will play “Puff the Magic Dragon.”
Maybe we’ll spend the afternoon in San Francisco. Have a groovy week.

Published on The Smirking Chimp (http://www.smirkingchimp.com)

Where have all the hippies gone?

By Bob Patterson

Created Sep 17 2009 – 2:00pm

 

[Note: This column was written and posted while listening to the Rush Limbaugh program for Thursday September 17, 2009.]

Just as the Sixties were beginning, President Dwight D. Eisenhower gave a farewell speech [1] which warned about the emerging power grab from the Military Industrial Complex in the United States. Vietnam was a former French colony know mostly only to Americans who got A’s in geography, when he said: “Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together.”

On a day when Rush Limbaugh is doing his best to refute the wisdom of the move to scrap plans to build a missile shield in Europe, the lesson of America’s war in Vietnam seems to be this: if a long war was good, a state of permanent war is even better.

On September 11, 2001, Hunter S. Thompson (Kingdom of Fear page 161) wrote: “Make no mistake about it: We are At War now – with somebody – and we will stay At War with that mysterious Enemy for the rest of our lives.”

Finally the hawks can relax and not worry that those damn hippies are going to keep singing their peacenik songs until World Peace arrives.

The author of Operation Chaos is asserting that President Obama is promoting the chaos and furor about race that is currently the top topic of conversation. Listening to Rush on Thursday morning, September 17, 2009, it seems like the Freedom Marches never happened.

Reading news reports that President Obama is deciding about sending more troops to Afghanistan, it seems like now more than ever hippies would need to hear some inspiring songs to encourage peace, love, and understanding.

Rush has informed his audience that the racism issue is being used to obscure the fact that Obama is (as el Rushbo wishes) failing.

Sociologists may well mark the week of September 13 – 19, 2009 as the week when the Sixties really ended.

Back in the Sixties, the City of New York urged citizens: “Give a damn!” Now, the Supreme Court seems to be on the verge of pitting large corporations against individuals and assessing it as an even fight. Surely the hippies who wanted to get involved will be smart enough to realize that if “you can’t fight city hall,” then it’s total insanity to try to buck Wall Street. (Wouldn’t real hippies use a slogan with a word spelled just s tad different from “buck”?)

Would Mario Savio back Rush’s sarcastic remarks about President Obama as an example of Free Speech that had to be defended or would he condemn it?

Aren’t any anti-war rallies, these days, more like a hippie reunion than they are an expression of a “youth-quake”?

Rush says that if President Obama sends more troops to Afghanistan (and Rush knows that he will), then any Democrats who speak out against it are racists.

The news on Wednesday that Mary Travers had passed away makes it obvious that the peacnik movement of hippies and older activists lies in the past. Peace activism must be laid to rest. It brings to mind the title of a Waylon Jennings song: “Living Legends Are a Dying Breed.”

It’s time for hippies to face the truth: RIP the Sixties [2].

Joni Mitchel put it this way: “They won’t give peace a chance, that’s just a dream some of us had.”

(What were the best songs of the Sixties [3]?) Now, the disk jockey will play “Puff the Magic Dragon.”
Maybe we’ll spend the afternoon in San Francisco. Have a groovy week.

Subliminal (but Friendly) Persuasion

Published on The Smirking Chimp (http://www.smirkingchimp.com)Subliminal (but Friendly) PersuasionBy Bob PattersonCreated Sep 23 2009 – 11:48am

 

Regular visitors to this site who want accuracy in their political punditry might do well to flip through some travel magazines while keeping in mind the old axiom: accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative.

Here’s an example: when this columnist first arrived in Sydney Australia, one thing which caught our attention was that country’s biggest bookstore. While chatting with a clerk at the bookstore, we got a surprise because she was enthusiastic about travel and specifically mentioned her hopes for visiting a museum located in the Los Angeles neighborhood we had just left.

If (subjunctive mood) we had any knowledge of factors which might lessen her enthusiasm to visit that tourist attraction should we/must we inform her about that? We had visited that museum on a spur-of-the-moment impulse and had gotten some good material for a column and relayed that information to her. What if our assessment had been that she wouldn’t like it?

Would “throwing cold water” on her intention to go see it for herself have served any worthy journalistic goal? Would it have been sufficient to encourage her to read all she could about it before she spent money for an airplane ticket?

Travel writers have to be like cheerleaders. Spend the money! Go see it!
How often do you see an article in a travel magazine that advises the reader to save some money and skip some exotic destination?

The guys who get assignments from travel publications don’t usually travel incognito so that they can give “fair and balanced” assessments of their impressions gathered at the place they visited. They may get comped meals. Often they get a public relations specialist to personally escort them and make sure they don’t get snarled in such mundane activities as waiting in line. They usually get good seats at the theater and when they give enthusiastic reports about their subjective reaction to the change in geography, they are essentially selling the idea of traveling there and they usually want to, in salesmanship terms, sell the sizzle and not the steak.

With that in mind, try gathering some current political punditry and see if there is any similarities to travel writing in the political journalist’s methodology.

Does one media outlet consistently give reports that favor one political party and denigrate the efforts of the other? Is that what America’s founding fathers had in mind when they extolled the value of a free press?

What harm is done if the Los Angeles and the San Francisco papers show bias and favoritism when the Giants play the Dodgers? Doesn’t a lack of objectivity add some spice to the stories that appear the following morning? Is there any harm in letting that style of favoritism spill over into political punditry?

Let’s say that people who have worked hard to steal a fortune are faced with the prospect of seeing some of it dribble away via a tax increase. If the reality is that rich people often don’t pay any tax and they convince the voters that the government effort to raise taxes amount to them taking “our” money, shouldn’t they get an “attaboy” for their fake-out? Don’t people who get suckered into supporting tax cuts for the very rich deserve to be fooled under the “caveat emptor” principle?

Why should journalists be convinced that professional ethics require that they should give the man in the street a valid heads-up?

If partisanship is supposed to be an integral part of punditry, does that leave any room for items that neither conservatives nor liberals would endorse? Such as? Has any other commentator assessed this columnist’s theory that President Bush let Osama bin Laden escape from the Tora Bora mountains in return for a promise that there would be no terrorist attacks inside the USA during Bush’s term in office?

Ansel Adams worked photographic magic by rendering scenery into various values on a gray scale, but shouldn’t journalism be like a sketch done with pen and ink that gives an accurate picture using only the two extremes of black and white or would they then be accursed of racism?

Would the same number of people have paid their hard earned money to see Houdini perform if he were called “an illusionist” rather than the world’s greatest magician?

If unbridled salesmanship is an acceptable part of punditry, are you as eager as this columnist is to see which journalist will be the first to endorse Jeb as the best qualified contender to seek the Presidency in 2012?

Teddy Roosevelt had this bit of travel advice: “I have always been fond of the West African proverb: ‘Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.’ “

Now, the disk jockey will play Pat Boone’s “Friendly Persuasion.” We gotta fly. Have a “see ya later, alligator” type week.

Is Facebook killing Photojournalism?

Is Facebook destroying photojournalism?

 

In Fremantle, Western Australia, they have erected a statue of one of the city’s more famous citizens.  Is the number of people who want to see a photo of the statue of AC/DC’s lead singer, Bon Scott, larger than the number of people who want to see an image of somebody’s mug in front of it?

 

While traveling from hostel to hostel in Australia, this columnist was presented with a cornucopia of information, impressions, advice, and manifestations of another country’s culture and, after covering a student demonstration in Berkeley a few days ago, one of the subtle lessons of the journey down under bubbled to the surface.

 

In Australia, all the young people with digital cameras were taking photos of themselves with various and sundry tourist attractions in the background.  In Berkeley, none of the photographers seemed to be taking photos which would prove to their editors that they had indeed found their way to Sproul Plaza and were fulfilling “the chief’s” (All M.E.’s secretly love to be called “the chief”) order to bring back images that would visually tell the story that the students at UCB were backing the faculty in a protest against budget cuts.  “Chop from the top!”

 

Earlier this month, a visit to the <a href = http://www.annenbergspaceforphotography.org/>Annenburg Space for Photogaphy</a> in the Century City section of Los Angeles (what gives you the right to ask if I’m a Kerouac wannabe recast in the digital age?) we saw that some of the images in Black & White gave off a heavy nostalgia karma even thought they were taken last year.  The only time visitors saw the faces of the various photographers was during interview portions of the accompanying video.

Shouldn’t someone somewhere tell these digital era wanderers that they might want to get the heck out of the way and take quality photos and not snapshots that only their friends and family might want to see.

Andy Warhol said that a good photograph was in sharp focus and was of a famous person.  Yeah, future generations might want to see a photo of you looking at one of Manhattan’s urban canyons if (big IF) you actually became a famous literary figure, but if not, the chances are that unless its Dorothy Lang documenting the latest Great Depression, no one wants to waste valuable net surfing time looking at a photo of you with San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge lurking in the background

<a href =http://www.life.com/?xid=homepage>Life magazine</a>, the <a href =http://lens.blogs.nytimes.com/?hp>New York Times, Slate</a>, and <a href=http://todayspictures.slate.com/20090922/>Slate</a> all have an array of the day’s best photos.  (Slate’s are mostly from Magnum’s files.)  Perhaps they should team up with Nikon magazine and hold a photo contest for the best “facebook” style mug shot?  Wouldn’t that, at least, get some of them to stop for a few moments and try to capture an image with some composition and esthetic appeal?

Baby boomers will recall a snapshot contest held by local newspapers in conjunction with Kodak, which was held every summer in the Fifties.  Where is the digital era replacement competition?  The aforementioned photo print competition produced some excellent entries and didn’t those contests also help build circulation for the newspapers?

All these digital mug shots would be great if the subject were famous and being booked at the Los Angeles’ sheriff’s substation in Malibu, but absent those extenuating factors, this columnist can look at pictures taken by friends and other travelers and understand that if they have the image on their digital camera, that indicates that they were probably there when the photo was taken and so attention can be concentrated on evaluating the artistic quality of the image.

Let say, for example, that you are sitting at the rooftop smokers’ table at the Sydney Central Backpackers Hostel and one of the group shows you an excellent picture of one of the bats who hangs out at the Botanical Garden (they really do hang upside down).  The fact that he had the quick reflexes needed to get the picture was remarkable.  It would have been asking too much to insist that he should have included his own face in the picture. 

Did anybody who had the presence of mind to grab their camera while Pearl Harbor was under attack bother to take a “facebook” style picture to prove that they were there when the bombs hit the fan deck?

Back in the day, when a fellow had to perhaps botch completely the development of a roll or two while learning to put a roll of 35mm film on a Nikor reel, it took time to learn all the factors that go into a good picture, and since film and processing were expensive, it was a good idea to hesitate a moment and pre-visualize the image that was about to be captured.  Now, the digital cameras make all the creative decisions and give the shooter the option of manually doing an override.  So the digital beatniks can aim, shoot, and scoot in the time it used to take to focus with a Nikon F and the quality level of the image suffers in a proportional way.  The quicker a facebook shot is taken the lower its esthetic level will be.

It used to be that the Associated Press rarely gave a photo credit to one of its staff for doing their job.  Every once in awhile, one of them would take a remarkable photo, such as the one Eddie Adams got of the <a href =http://www.digitaljournalist.org/issue0410/faas.html>Saigon chief of police shooting a guy in the head</a>, and then the editors would figure that the photographer’s name would be attached to that picture when it would inevitable (as it did) win a Pulitzer Prize, so they would figure “why wait” and put it in the caption when it first moved on the wire.

Perhaps, because just about the only time we’ve seen real “facebook” photos is when they are posted on other sites after the subject has become a person of interest in a notorious crime, we’ve completely misjudged the quality of that site’s photojournalism?

Then again, we did see a lot of the “let’s upstage the scenery” type shots in the various Australian hostels.  There were exceptions to the rule, as we have noted, but we’ll go with the statistical majority.

These days, it seems, even images from a stock shot source include the photographer’s name in the photo credit line.  Shouldn’t bloggers emulate the egomaniac level of self-promotion style of folks such as Thomas Pynchon, J. D. Salinger, (Banksy?) and B. Traven?

Facebook reminds us of the old Groucho Marx line:  “I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.”  That doesn’t mean, however, that we wouldn’t be thrilled to start cross-posting some of our columns on Digihitch

Now, the disk jockey will play “Kodachrome” and we’ll fade to black.  Have a “Quick, get the camera!” type of week.  [You want extraneous and distracting information about where photos and stories come from?  This column was composed at a crash pad provided by a good friend in Berkeley and it will be posted via wi-fi (10-4 that) from the Mediterraneum Café, which local legend says was frequented by former Berkeley resident Jack Kerouac.]

Tracking Kerouac’s Ghost

This columnist’s attempt to emulate Jack Kerouac didn’t start last October first when we walked away from our former digs in the Mar Vista section of Los Angeles and set out to become a digital beatnik.  Becoming a blogger on the road was an inconceivable concept when we tried hitchhiking across the USA during the Sixties.  Our most recent effort to renew the quest was more like a chance to put it into high gear.  We have always been vaguely aware that it was a mythical task and not something like trying to gather material for use in a doctoral thesis.  Picking up a copy of John Leland’s <I>Why Kerouac Matters</I> made the option of rejecting the facts about one of the Beat Generation’s founding fathers a necessity.  How can free spirits possibly take a political conservative as a role model?

Leland makes a heroic effort to debunk the life of the guy who spawned the efforts of a generation’s groovy efforts to establish a culture of peace, love, and understanding.  It’s easier to hold on to one’s illusions than to read the effort to prove that <I>On the Road</I> was a paean to conservative values.  As Leland says on page 60:  “It is a point seldom acknowledged that <I>On the Road</I>, a slacker bible for the last half century, begins with career counseling and a lecture on the Protestant work ethic.”

Jack London, Robert Louis Stevenson, Walt Whitman, Ernie Pyle (when he was a columnist and not a war correspondent), and Woody Guthrie had laid the foundation for the establishment of a footloose and fancy free faction of post war American culture and so if the hippies missed Kerouac’s point when they read his detailing of the adventures of Sal Paradise and Dean Moriarity.

Finding a fellow in Canberra who claimed to have traveled back in time and served as the <a href =http://worldslaziestjournalist.wordpress.com/2009/01/07/shroudman-update/>model for the creation of the image on the Shroud of Turin</a> was more in keeping with our quest than having Leland point out that “On the Road” starts with guidance counseling about establishing a firm work ethic.

Last October we honed in on a visit to the Beat Museum.  A year later we went back to put an idea in the suggestion box.  The proprietor seemed very interested in the idea and we will get back to that in a future column after his “yea or nay” decisions has been made.

Shortly after this year’s (annual?) hajj to the Beatnik’s Mecca, we came up with a question.  The Beat Museum gift shop has a cornucopia of relevant books  which folks like to peruse.  After we walked away we realized that there might be an even better idea to drop in the comments box.  If Jack Kerouac spawned the coffee house fad, why doesn’t the Beat Museum start their own brand of coffee (call it “Jack’s Java”?) and sell cups at their Columbus Ave bricks and mortar location.  It would be imperative for it to offer free wi-fi connections so that a tsunami of “guess where I am” type blog entries that could be posted with the “reporting live from the Beat Museum in San Francisco” label attached.

It has taken a year to refine the latest formula for becoming a (digital) beatnik and so it seems imperative to use the next year to continue the quest.  Instead of buying a round trip ticket to Sydney, this time around it seems more efficient to buy a one way ticket to Oz. 

New Zealand is raised to a “must” level.  We’ve always heard only good things about New Zealand.  Some people like NYC; some don’t.  Some People like L. A.; some don’t.  Never have we heard a discouraging word about New Zealand.  More sailors jump ship (according to hearsay evidence) than in any other country in the world.  That tells you something.

This time, rather than doing an about-face in Perth, we could buy a one-way ticket and continue West to . . . Prague?  It would be a case of following the Perth to Prague to Paris path.

Recently, we were rather harsh in our comments on snapshots and despite the fact that it isn’t part of this columnist’s <I>modus operandi</I>, we immediately noticed that some old snapshots we had found for sale in a flea market held a hypnotic fascination for us.

A snapshot of a lady onboard a ship with the handwritten caption “<a href =http://worldslaziestjournalist.wordpress.com/2009/01/07/shroudman-update/>Spring 1942</a>” inspired intensive speculation about the circumstances that instigated that trip for her.  Maybe after we revisit Perth, see Prague, Berlin, Munich, our high school classmate who lives near Frankfort, Paris, London (?), Ireland, and then cash in on an offer to crash in Vermont next September, then, perhaps, we could use that snapshot to inspire a work of fiction.

Snapshots of Hemingway, F. Scot Fitzgerald, and family and friends are valuable historic documents and for those getting their picture taken, they can serve as a subliminal expression of faith and encouragement.  It’s a way to reassure members of your posse that you are certain that they will become famous and their photos will be avidly sought by biographers. 

Some recluses such as B. Traven, Thomas Pynchon, and J. D. Salinger, actively avoid (like the Amish?) having their photos taken.  Imitating writers who have posed for photos or not is a personal choice and not an essential vocational decision, eh?

A year ago, the use of the President (at that time) was admonishing journalists for using the word “recession.”  This year, the word “depression” is being included in assessments of President Bush’s replacement, so perhaps another year of gathering photos and quick notes from various places outside of Los Angeles’ city limits might be an acceptable reason for not being as vociferous in our criticism of the occupant of the White House as we were over a year ago.

Don’t the French have an old saying about the more you try to implement a “Change” agenda, the less your legacy will be?

Hmmm.  Let’s think this through.  Conservatives, such as Rush Limbaugh, are getting scads of money to denigrate (is that a racist term?) the President.  This columnist can write some scathing comments about “to surge or not to surge in Afghanistan, that is the question,” (for a great deal less money than el Rushbo gets) or we can check out the veracity of the statement we heard in Fremantle:  “In Ireland, in the summer, the rain is warm; in winter it’s cold.” 

Gee, it seems that it might be more fun to get to Koolgardie and go on one of the local metal detector scavenger hunts in the nearby desert than to write a tepid “second the motion” columns that reinforce criticism of the guy who is continuing the implementation of George W. Bush’s war policy.

Literary scholars have not revealed much, if any, commentary in the Kerouac notebooks about Korea, Eisenhower, or the dog Checkers.  Who has a bigger literary reputation in Paris, these days:  Kerouac or Drew Pearson?

When does the Metropole Paris web site hold their weekly <a href =http://www.metropoleparis.com/aclub.html> meetings</a>?  Do we need a reservation for next June?

Leland gives readers (on page 17) this Kerouac quote:  “The things I write about are what an editor usually throws away and what a psychiatrist finds most interesting.”

Now, the disk jockey will play “Around the World” and we will commence efforts to post this via wi-fi from the Berkeley Public Library South Branch.  Have a “do what you said you were gonna do” type week.

Bankers’ Code of Ethics

Several years back, there was a news story about an old guy who would buy a new car quite frequently.  When it was discovered that he was senile and that a salesperson at the car dealership was taking advantage of the poor old fellow, some consumer protection laws were passed and it was established that sharpies had to be forbidden by law from exploiting vulnerable older citizens.

It used to be that at the bank this columnist uses, they had a service called “overdraft protection” and money in the savings account would automatically be transferred to the checking account to cover any shortage of funds if the balance in the checking account couldn’t cover a check and the money in the savings account could make up for the shortfall. 

Now, following a round of banking industry bonuses for their ineptness during the recent financial industry collapse, the banks are charging $10 for each instance of overdraft protection. 

What type of customer would be the most likely to make a math mistake and need overdraft protection?  Do you think that there would be an inordinately high number of AARP members getting dinged by these charges?  If so, why don’t the laws inspired by the serial new car buyer with Alzheimer’s disease apply?  Did the law have a specific exemption for greedy bankers?

If there seems to be an inconsistency in the fact that automobile dealers can’t (by law) take advantage of older customers with diminished metal acuity, then should the same standards of business ethics be applied to the poor distraught bankers who came perilously close to failure recently and now need every small amount of profit they can squeeze out of the citizens in a strapped for cash period of history?

If what the bankers are doing qualified as an example of immoral business ethics wouldn’t some of the nation’s highest ranking clergymen be pointing out those transgressions to their congregations and denouncing such a move as a variation on the stealing principle?  Don’t bankers go to church every Sunday (and sit in the front row)? 

If the bankers were doing something reprehensible, wouldn’t the clergy revive the spirit of chasing the money changers from the temple and speak up?

If what the bankers are doing is not within the guidelines of moral responsibility wouldn’t some crusading journalist with a national audience (if only Tim Russert were still alive, eh?) be pointing out any such financial malfeasance? 

Isn’t not owning a company with your own personal accounting department God’s way of implying that old folks didn’t work enough during their period of employment?  Don’t clergy and bankers concur that the old <I>caveat emptor</I> still applies?

If the only one to point out that the transition from free “overdraft protection” to the automatic deduction of $10 per incident seemed, especially after the tax payers subsidized all those bonuses, a bit like a variation of price gouging aimed at the weak and infirmed, was just a minor web pundit, wouldn’t that indicate that it was more likely a case of illusions of grandeur run amok rather than a journalistic variation of the boy who pointed out that the emperor’s new clothes were nonexistent?

Obviously, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, et al would be standing by with some major Republican talking points, ready to come to the defense of the (maligned?) bankers if there were any possibility that consumers would take any such allegations seriously.  Would bankers whose methodology and morality is being questioned by “the World’s Laziest Journalist” really be able to sneak by the rest of America’s journalism community unnoticed?  Shouldn’t the professionals’ paychecks be a tip-off as to who is (extreme) right and who is wrong?

Rather than editorialize and urge folks to remedy this (misperceived?) injustice, this columnist will ask the audience to render a verdict.  Should copies of this column be forwarded to the reader’s representative in Congress accompanied by a request for a legislative remedy or should the columnist just take a chill pill and do an update on the work being done to bring the nation closer to the day when the George W. Bush Predidential Library is dedicated?

(Can a drawing of Snidely Whiplash be used as an illustration for this column?)

In the film “Wall Street,” Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) coined an American business maxim by saying:  “Greed is good.”

Now, the disk jockey will again play “Take the Money and Run” and we will try to scram.  Have a “get out of jail free card” type week.

Strange Political Tradition in Marina del Rey

[Full disclosure:  While this columnist has been doing fact checking, and file organization work for the Marian (del Rey, CA) Tenants Association, the thought occurred that a collection of tidbits might be of interest to the folks outside the Los Angeles enclave because a quick recapitulation of some of the top news briefs might serve as a paradigm for all the examples of antagonism in contemporary American culture which exist among/between voters, journalist, and politicians of all parties.  Lest any reader make the assumption that some of this column has been fictionalized in an attempt to achieve humor, we will insert the boring academic style citations that prove “we’re not making this stuff up.”]

On August 13, 1961, on page one of the Los Angeles Examiner, Jack Keating, under the headline “County’s New Giveaway Deals” wrote:  “Something is DEAD WRONG with concession leasing and land deals under Los Angeles County’s multi-million dollar recreation program that leaves the door wide open for the Board of Supervisors to give favored parties ‘special treatment.’”  The story suggested:  “The need for a major shakeup in policies of the county board is indicated.”

In “The Urban Marina:  Managing and Developing Marina del Rey” written by Marsha V. Rood and Robert Warren (for the Center fro Urban affairs Sea Grant Program and published by USC) notes, on page 36, that at the same time the Express was questioning the possibility of Giveaway Deals: “In August 1961, the Small Property Owners League of Los Angeles County and the Venice Canal Improvement Association asked by letter that the County Grand Jury investigate the propriety, if not the legality, of a number of the Marina’s aspects, . . .”  On page 37, readers learn “No Grand Jury action was taken on the request.”

In the forward to the study, published in 1974, it was stated:  “No explicit decision was made on the basis of public debate to transform the recreational boating facility into a multi-million dollar regional activity center with predominantly land-oriented development.”

In the Thirties, the Army Corps of Engineering held a hearing to explore the possibility of building a man made marina on the Western edge of Los Angeles County.  When Mrs. Edmund S. Fuller, of the National Audubon Society, wanted to discuss the seventy three species of birds in the area, she was informed the Army Corps of Engineer’s weren’t authorized to consider environmental issues.  The tradition of evading public input had been established two decades before the ceremonial first shovelful of dirt had been excavated.

After the formal dedication ceremony was held in 1965, the locals immediately began the tradition of squabbling with the politicians.  Boat owners fought slip rate increases and, after a series of rapid rent increases, area residents formed a Tenants Association to advocate a need for rent control.

By June of 1979, when the County Board of Supervisors faced the issue of a proposal to impose controls in the county’s incorporated areas, the Los Angeles Times wrote an editorial on June 1, which noted:  “Like other attempts to limit rents, it would be a snare and a delusion.” 

On that same day, James A. Hayes, the area’s representative on the County Board of Supervisors, resigned without a word of explanation.  On the following day, Saturday June 2, 1979, Bill Boyarsky, in a front page story for the Los Angeles Times, said:  “Nobody answered the door at Hayes’ home in the expensive Palos Verdes community of Rolling Hills.  And he had changed his home phone number, effective Friday.  Aides said he had left on an out-of-state vacation.”

Governor Jerry Brown replaced Hayes with Yvonne Burke and she was quickly replaced in the next election, by Deane Dana and things returned to the traditional method of being handled.  By October of 1981, Steve Coll writing in the L. A. Weekly (Vol. 3 No. 47) noted that the voters had been stymied:   “The developers are getting away with murder,” says Seymour Kern, a member of the 1980 – 81 grand jury and chairman of a subcommittee that investigated the rents the county charges developers at Marina del Rey, only to find that the Department of Small Craft Harbors had precluded any action through rulings favorable to the developers.”

In a move to pull an end run on the Board of Supervisors, Marina residents mounted a grass roots effort to establish cityhood.  Their efforts were quickly neutralized.  Mark Gladstone (L. A. Times March 14, 1985) explained how:  “For the second time in less than a year, a legislative attempt has been launched that could block Marina del Rey residents from forming their own city.

“A bill, introduced last week by Sen. William Lockyer (D-Hayward), would prevent residents from taking preliminary steps toward incorporation in areas where less than 50% of the land is privately owned.

“Marina del Rey, an 800-acre waterfront community with at least 8,500 residents, is almost entirely owned by Los Angeles County.”

Later in 1985, (L. A. Weekly Vol. 7 No. 52) an article headlined “The Selling of L. A. County” offered a special investigative report into the effects of campaign donations on county land-use practices by Ron Curran and Lewis MacAdams, with the subhead:  “Developers in L. A. County are giving record amounts of money to the Board of Supervisors and getting in return virtually everything they request.”

The article started (Page 24) by saying: “For some years now it has been common knowledge in political circles that the Board of Supervisors, notably the three conservative members who form a majority, have been massively underwritten by the contributions of land developers eager to have their way in the county with as little interference as possible.”

That same issue also contained a sidebar story on Page 28 “The Million-Dollar Loophole” with the subhead “How the Supervisors get away with ‘legalized sleaze.’”  It said:  “‘You know why you won’t find any illegal sleaze around the supervisors?’ asks Carlyle Hall, director of the Center for Law in the Public Interest.  ‘Because they’ve legalizd all the sleaze.’”

Occasionally some outsiders tried to insinuate themselves into the local scene.  One 1988 article (L. A. Weekly for June 17 – 23 1988 Vol. 10 No. 30) titled “Backroom Moves,” written by Ron Curran, was promoted this way: “Alan Robbins the controversial Valley pol, is up to his neck in shady Marina deals.”  Curran casually explained:  “But it is Robbin’s less-reported power plays to protect and enhance his substantial investments in Marina del Rey – including a recent secret attempt to buy a community newspaper that has scrutinized Marina real-estate projects from which he stands to make million of dollars – that most graphically reinforce criticisms that Robbins spends more of his political time and effort serving his personal interests than serving the interests of his community.”

Could anything shady happen in the late Eighties without BCCI (Bank of Credit and Commerce International) being involved?  Glad you asked because they got in on the action, too, but the local political methodology caused them to quickly opt out.  Jeffrey L. Rabin, writing in the Los Angeles Times (March 19, 1991) put it this way:  “A group of wealthy Saudi Arabian investors have filed suit to dissolve their partnership with Marina del Rey’s biggest developer, accusing Abraham M. Lurie of engaging in fraud since selling them a 49.9% stake in his extensive Marina holdings nearly two years ago.”

In a 1991 page one story (Vol. 13 No. 21), the Los Angeles Business Journal story written by Michael Stremfel and Benjamin Mark Cole, informed readers:  “The unfolding BCCI-Marina del Rey scandal, and an increasing realization that the city and county of Los Angeles often literally do not know with whom they are doing business, last week spurred a wide spread call for reform of local public-disclosure laws.”

The following year, it was the Los Angeles Times singing the same old journalists song.  A three part series started on April 12, 1992 with a headline “Marina del Rey Prospers at Expense of County” followed by the subhead:  “Developers make big profits thorough favorable long-term leases.  Public services lose out.”  An editorial, which ran about the same time, added:  “Nowhere is the arrogant ‘sit-down-and-shut-up’ method of governance on better display than at the Los Angeles County Hall of Administration.”

A 1994 story in the Los Angeles Times on August 11, written by Fredrick M. Muir and Jeffrey L. Rabin carried the headline:  “Grand Jury Asks D. A. to Review Leases at Marina.” 

In 1997, the Arab Sheik was gone. 

In the year 2000, a meager handful of journalists struggled to continue their role in the squabbling.  On January 6, the L. A. Times carried a story headlined:  “County Extends Political Donor’s Leases in Marina.”  A few days later columnist Patt Morrison’s column carried an old refrain:  “Sweetheart Deals Are a Hallowed L.A. Tradition.”

Things have quieted down considerably in the era of “fair and balanced” journalism and there are only occasional hints that some people still value the Marina’s traditions.

One of the latest (last?) efforts to carry on the nearly half century old effort to question the possibility that something is wrong was reported, by Helga Gendell, in the Argonaut newspaper on September 29, 2005, (page 4):  “The suit alleges that certain Marina lessees have been unjustly enriched at the expense of the county and taxpayers, and that lessee campaign contributions and payments to lobbyists to influence the Board of Supervisors may have created a climate under which no price control existed due to a concert of action between the county and the lessees.”

Currently the lawyer who filed that suit, has to deal with other developments which grew out of the effort.  He has been disbarred (and is fighting that move) and is in jail for contempt.  See the Superior Court Ninth District’s case no. 09-56073 for the latest news on how that is going.

A hotel, which is being considered to replace a public beach, heads a list of new items waiting to be approved for construction in Marina del Rey.  The local newspapers the Argonaut and the Venice Beachhead seem to be the only media available to hold up the journalists’ participation in the continual squabbling.

Perhaps Los Angeles magazine’s assignment editor will read this column and hire a highly qualified investigative reporter (snarky columnists need not apply) to do a comprehensive update on the questions that have been being asked for 48 years. 

Some traditionalists might suggest that the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors should adopt one of James Cagney’s quotes as their motto:  “Where I come from, if there’s a buck to be made, you don’t ask questions, you go ahead and make it.”

Now, of course our disk jockey is going to play us out with George Strait’s song “Marina del Rey,” but there are bonus points if you know why it’s appropriate that he’s also going to play both “And That Reminds Me” and “Don’t You Know,” which were monster hits for Della Reese.  Like James Hayes, we’ll disappear.

Zen and the Art of Hoaxes

(El Paso, TX) America is the home of the “Inconsistency for fun and profit” school of business philosophy.  Here’s a good example:  Richard Heene says he didn’t know that his kid wasn’t in the balloon and a large part of the USA reacts by crying:  “Fraud!”  George W. Bush claims he didn’t know that the WMD’s in Iran were a figment of his own imagination and all Republicans respond with this nonchalant reaction:  “well, that’s good enough to start a war (even though it contradicts the American philosophy as stated at the Nuremburg War Crimes Trials) and let’s let it go at that.”  Who, other than the Who, cares about getting fooled again?

Isn’t inconsistency the basis for driving people nuts (as well as the hobgoblin of small minds?)?  When Pavlov’s bell rings and the dog doesn’t get the expected treat isn’t that a good way to make the dog begin to manifest schizophrenic behavior?

Don’t Texans, and especially the 43rd President, know that a different term for hoax is to call it a practical joke or to at least use a deceptively exotic label such as:  “preemptive strike” rather than calling it a “sucker punch”?

Richard Heene should be held accountable for an expensive prank, and George W. Bush should get a pass regarding any war crimes trials and be hailed as the one who should be getting this year’s Nobel Prize for his efforts to track down rogue weapons of mass destruction.  What’s wrong with a little bit of inconsistency?

“You got your mind right, Luke?”

Good patriotic American Christian Republicans have no trouble seeing that a Texan like George W. Bush deserves an “attaboy” for his use of extreme questioning because the results saved American lives.  The Geheime Stastspoltzei used the same methods while questioning French citizens (AKA “frogs”) in an effort to root out members of the resistance and they faced charges of war crimes for their dastardly efforts, but if it could have been proven that by doing so, they had saved American lives, then all the expenses involved in the Nuremberg trials could have been avoided.

Can’t the Democrats see that sending American troops to Afghanistan today is in the same commendable tradition as sending volunteers to the Alamo? 

When Texas was invited to join the United States, they put a secession clause into the contract and by golly if Americans can’t live up to the contracts they sign, then hellfire, they are getting this capitalism stuff all wrong. 

Didn’t some great capitalist say “I don’t want lawyers who will tell me what I can and can not do; I want lawyer who will get done, what I tell them to do!”  Wasn’t whoever said that the same fellow who coined the phrase:  “Get ‘er done!”?  Would he have let some lawyer foil attempts to save American lives by using whatever interrogation methods were necessary to learn what a terrorist didn’t want to tell?  

In a capitalistic democracy the bottom line is king.

The big difference between George W. Bush’s search for WMD’s and Balloon Boy’s adventures is that 43 was smart enough to not let a six year old spill the beans on national TV.  The Bush bunch knew that once you make up a story, you stick to it and so the search for WMD’s in Iraq has become a sacred American tradition that is not questioned.

Letting a kid commit a blooper that “lets the cat out of the bag,” isn’t a good game plan.  If you are going to fool all of the people all of the time, you’d best select a Svengali spokesman who is erudite and eloquent.  Shouldn’t Donald Rumsfeld have offered his services to the Heene family?

Online Davy Crockett is credited with saying:  “Step down off your high horse, Mister.  You don’t get lard unless you boil the hog.”

The disk jockey will now play, Marty Robin’s “El Paso,” Kinky Friedman’s “Proud to be from El Paso,” and Bobby Fuller’s “I Fought the Law (and the Law Won).”  Now, it’s time for us to go down to Rose’s cantina.  Have a “Just Kidding!” type week.

Example of different styles of blogging with links

EXAMPLE ONE
Blurbs with link following words.

Marina Developers Contribute to Supervisors’ Campaigns – Politics: Records show that leaseholders have given $508,044 to members of county board since 1986. They say they donate money to win access to public officials.
By JEFFREY L. RABIN, TIMES STAFF WRITER April 12, 1992

http://articles.latimes.com/1992-04-12/news/mn-480_1_campaign-contribution-reports

Grand Jury Asks D.A. to Review Leases at Marina – Development: It wants Garcetti to determine if laws were broken or procedures ignored in negotiation of long-term deals for prime real estate.
By FREDERICK M. MUIR, TIMES STAFF WRITERS and JEFFREY L. RABIN, TIMES STAFF WRITERS August 11, 1994

http://articles.latimes.com/1994-08-11/local/me-26025_1_grand-jury

EXAMPLE TWO
Blurbs with embedded links

Jeff Rabin LA Times story about Marina Developers Contribute to Supervisors’ Campaigns

Muir/Rabin LA Times story about Grand Jury asking Garcetti to determine if long-trem deals broke any laws.

EXAMPLE THREE
Index
Under multiple listings
Example for L. A. Times story about Grand Jury asking Garcetti to investigate long term deals

County Board of Supervisors

http://articles.latimes.com/1994-08-11/local/me-26025_1_grand-jury

Grand Jury

http://articles.latimes.com/1994-08-11/local/me-26025_1_grand-jury

Gil Garcetti

http://articles.latimes.com/1994-08-11/local/me-26025_1_grand-jury

L. A. Times
August 11, 1994

http://articles.latimes.com/1994-08-11/local/me-26025_1_grand-jury

Leases

http://articles.latimes.com/1994-08-11/local/me-26025_1_grand-jury

Rabin

http://articles.latimes.com/1994-08-11/local/me-26025_1_grand-jury

EXAMPLE IV
Inert link and attempt to activate an inert link

Inert

http://articles.latimes.com/1989-11-13/news/mn-1002_1_county-officials

Activating an inert link
http://articles.latimes.com/1989-11-13/news/mn-1002_1_county-officials

If the link above is in blue that means that you can be taken right to the story on the Internet just by clicking on the blue type.

Absurdism and Reality TV

(Venice CA) While standing in line at the Cow’s End Coffee House waiting for my turn to order a white hot chocolate drink, the TV monitor featured CNN’s coverage of the barf boy and balloon dad. They were relaying the information that last week’s scientific experiment gone bad might have been a publicity stunt that failed. It seems balloon dad is more than just an amateur clone of “Back to the Future’s” Dr.Emmett “Doc” Brown (Christopher Lloyd); he actually is more of a combination of Cuthbert J. Twillie (W. C. Fields), Orson (War of the World broadcast) Wells, and Rosie Ruiz all rolled in to one. [Why can’t the news shows play “Up, up and away (in my beautiful balloon)” as background music when they give updates on the “balloon boy” story?]

It seems that the “Let’s revitalize the concept of Zeppelins” guy is a bit disappointed by the prospect that his chances to land a reality TV gig have just gone down the toilet. Well, this columnist came up with a suggestion that should leave balloon dad flush with excitement and get his spirits flying higher than the Hindenburg on a cross ocean trip to New Jersey. Since it looks like he’s going to “the joint,” “the big house,” or the place where Johnny Cash recorded a live version of “A Boy Named Sue;” why doesn’t he see if the reality TV production company would like to put some video audio equipment in his cell for 24/7 coverage of him paying his debt to society. That way folks could participate vicariously in his attempt to become rehabilitated.

The only possible objection to such a venture would be that it would set a precedence and that would open the possibility that some other company could up the ante by initiating pay-per-view access to Charlie Manson in his cell.

After getting our drink, we talked to some of our fellow Cow customers and in doing so we came up with a curious local belief. According to a reliable source, if a person says a prayer to Bob Marley, within five minutes, someone will offer that person a joint. No! Not Q or “the rock” (isn’t that a national park and not the slammer these days?) a joint as in marijuana.

Now some cynics might suggest that in Venice even if you don’t say the prayer, it’s still gonna happen, but we’re just relaying the local lore.

Actually, we hear that the fire escape to the rooftop crib where (allegedly) Jim Morrison crashed has been removed because so many tourists have been attempting to visit that particular location, the means of getting there had to be removed but that, in turn, has angered the fire inspector.

Speaking of smoking that exotic herb, we heard a rumor that one of the local legal medical dispensaries for that very kind of medicinal cigarette has provoked the usually tolerant and liberal local artists into making a concerted effort to close down one of those angels of mercy (?) efforts because of the fact that they have been a bit rude in chasing away some of the world famous Venice Beach street performers working in close proximity to the “legal medicinal pot” location’s front door.

Isn’t one of that folk remedy’s effects to make the “patient” mellow and easy going? What up with the “scam, kid, ya bother me” type attitude?
There was a time, many, many moons ago, when the “hang-loose” attitude was one of the area’s trademark attributes.

There was a local fellow who would sit on one of the benches and ask for money. On occasion he would use his discretionary funds to purchase a liquid libation which might leave him in the prone position in the middle of the Ocean Front Walk. This columnist can remember seeing a police car drive around the guy and leave him taking his afternoon siesta unbothered. We were never able to verify the local urban legend saying that he was given every possible break because he had won a Medal of Honor during the Second World War.

Guess who is supposed to have been a Venice resident for a mere six weeks (or so) before trying her luck further up the coast where she joined a band called “Big Brother and the Holding Company.” Ironically the singer who became synonymous with the San Francisco sound of the sixties, died in Los Angeles.

It was on Ocean Front Walk where (according to Danny Sugerman’s biography) John Densmore offered fellow UCLA student, Jim Morrison a chance to fill-in that evening for hid band’s singer.

Venice also was home to the only bar in the world that intimidated us away. That didn’t happened in Casablanca, but it did happen when we had the opportunity to have a sarsaparilla at “The Sand Bar.”

This columnist can personally vouch for the inexpensive but filling breakfasts which were offered by the Layafette café.

The Catholic Church displayed a bit of civic pride by naming the local one “St. Mark’s.”

Just about the only thing missing in Venice CA is a bar that could boast that it had been (one of) Hemingway’s favorite gin mills.

Just across the border in Santa Monica, the legendary pioneer punk venue called “Blackie’s” is now a chic restaurant run by a world famous chef.

Don’t get the idea that his columnist has gone Yuppie just because of his visits to the Cow’s End. When this columnist recently chatted with Caleb, the owner, we asked where the cow which was on top of the building many years ago went, he pointed to the cow and immediately knew this columnist was not a “johnny come lately” newbie. We got extra points for knowing that the place, which attracts laptop owners with wifi access, could boast that an episode of “The Rockford Files” had done some location work on the premises.

Do the hippies in Venice refuse to abandon their attachment to the past? Recenlty we saw a young fellow in his old car. He was driving up Lincoln in a green four door convertible 1927 Bentley. Can’t he, at least, get into the Sixties frame of mind and upgrade to a VW bug?

Aimee Semple McPherson did better than balloon dad when she told newsmen: “It’s my story and I’m sticking to it.”

Now, the disk jockey takes great civic pride in playing “Down on Me,” “L. A. woman,” the “They shoot horses soundtrack album” and “the Lawrence Welk Show” theme song.

This is the world’s laziest journalist reporting live (via wi-fi) from our source for white hot chocolate drinks. Have an “out of Vietnam now!” type week.

Old Citroen

This old Citroen was seen in Venice CA today (October 23, 2009) getting a frontal shot of it looked to be more bother than it would be worth, so we cranked off a telephoto shot and said “good enough.”

On the Road to the Bloggers’ Hall of Fame

If Jack Kerouac were alive today, it seems quite likely that since he liked to be in the avant-garde contingent of contemporary writers, he would be blogging, but what sort of items would he deem worthy of his attention?  Would he point out the fact that after serving seven years as President, George W. Bush’s apologists were stoutly advocating the idea that some problems were the result of  Bill Clinton’s policies but a mere 8 months after President Barack Obama was sworn in, those same Republican folks were firmly maintaining that now all of America’s current problems are the results of the new President’s agenda? 

Perhaps Jack Kerouac would point out that the fact that Clinton had a long lasting effect and that the new President had quickly taken control might be a subtle indication that Bush’s interim period had been ineffective and impotent.  Do Republicans’ really want to imply that the USA’s first Negro President was a virile buck who has put his mark on world affairs that quickly and that Bush never managed to achieve that in seven years?  

After reading “Why Kerouac Matters,” by John Leland, this columnist realizes that a misperception had formed.  This reader had leaped to the assumption that Kerouac would sympathize with the political views of writers like Paul Krasner, Art Kunkin (of Los Angeles Free Press fame), or Hunter S. Thompson.  Such a surmise is very wrong.  Leland asserts that millions of Kerouac’s readers have misunderstood what Kerouac was saying.

Leland postulates that the father of the Beatnik movement actually held strong conservative convictions as far as political philosophy was concerned.  The literary critic then doles out the evidence to back up his contention.  (See page 28 in particular.)

Kerouac did not inject many (if any) references to the Korean War in his novels.

Who will win the Series?  Although Kerouac’s name was synonymous with New York City, he didn’t seem to care much about pro sports let alone root for the Dodgers, Giants, or Yankees.

For as much traveling as Kerouac did, he hardly ever extols tourist attractions.  He seemed to concentrate on jazz, drinking, and sex.  That and his spiritual visions endeared him to the hippies and they assumed that his mystical moments constituted permission to experiment with mind altering drugs. 

Would Kerouac have blogged about topics which were not to be found on the Internet, such as the hypothetical “Bloggers’ Hall of Fame,” or would he have extolled patriotic approval of all of George W. Bush’s war crimes?  What would you expect of someone whose hero was William F. Buckley?

If someone doesn’t start the Blogger’s Hall of Fame, what good is blogging?

How can a blogger compare the Golden Gate Bridge to the Sydney Harbor Bridge if he doesn’t make the effort to see and walk across both of them?  Why state a conclusion if there is no chance that the results won’t take the blogger a step closer to just getting nominated for a place in such a hypothetical institution?

Kerouac said “Why must I always travel from here to there as if it mattered where one is?” 

Isn’t the answer the same as the one to the question about why did that guy climb Mount Everest; “Because it’s there!”?

Kerouac did rewrites and polished his work and presented one draft of “On the Road” on one long continuous sheet of paper as if it were a product of a spontaneous burst of creative energy.  He gave encouragement to bloggers who tends to write fast and post in haste by saying:  “Why let your internalized high school English teacher edit what God gave you?”

Speaking of putting a roll of teletype paper into your typewriter and starting a marathon of keystroking, the folks at National Novel Writing Month (http://www.nanowrimo.org/) are about to start their annual November typa-thon competiton.  Kerouac wannabes, you have been given ample notification.

Can you just imagine a talk show chat featuring Jack Kerouac and fellow conservative Ann Coulter?

Just before the posting process for this column was started, a quick bit of fact checking shows that the site for the annual blog awards (http://2009.bloggies.com/) contains a notation for repeat winners that they are considered to be at the Hall of Fame level of achievement. 

Who would get a link on a Kerouac Blog?  How about the teacher going around the world on a bicycle? 
(http://teacherontwowheels.com/) Talk about a road trip.

Why did this columnist and so many others leap to assumptions about Kerouac if the ideas weren’t in the words?  Leland leaves the questions about the possibility that those messages were present on the subconscious level and thereby more effectively communicated, to other future critics-analysts.

After reading Leland’s book, a re-read of “On the Road” seems quite likely.

“Why Kerouac Matters” doesn’t have an Index.  (Boooo!)  Somewhere in the book, didn’t Leland mention a jazz composition titled “Kerouac”?  Without an Index, that fact slips through the existentialist’s time warp and disappears into the either.  An Index would also help to determine which of George Shearing’s tracks Kerouac liked and which he didn’t because he thought they showed a new attitude of cool and commercial.

In “On the Raod,” Kerouac wrote:  “He said we were a band of Arabs coming to blow up New York.”

Now, the disk jockey will play Dexter Gordon and Wardell Gray’s “The Hunt,” Prez Prado’s “Mambo Jambo,” and Slim Gaillard’s “C-Jam Blues.”  It’s time for us to bop out of here.  Have a “Go moan for man” type week.

A Halloween Column to Scare Libeals

Since this will be the weekend to contemplate scary nightmares, this column postulates the idea that Jeb Bush will win the 2012 Presidential Election and we’ll throw some “connect-the-dots” items out and let the readers have a chance to frighten themselves into a state of hysterical paralysis 

Most Liberals maintain that George W. Bush’s team (with Karl Rove as the captain calling the plays) stole the 2000 and 2004 elections but somehow didn’t engineer a win for Senator John McCain in 2008. 

The way conspiracy liberals tell it; in 2004 the electronic voting machines were used to steal the results in Ohio and that was enough to deliver the win.

If this is true, why didn’t they also put the fix in for John McCain?  How could they be so forgetful?

Perhaps, since the Republican political juggernaut was fomenting a massive amount of resentment for  wars, torture, and the handouts of bailout bonuses to the banking industry, they wanted to let the Democrats (almost) take over.  (You know like in the cartoons when the bird hands the dynamite stick with a burning fuse to the coyote?)  The conspiracy corner residents, who think that the electronic voting machines permit the Republicans to micro-manage results, might want to take note of the fact that the Democrats thanks to Joe Lieberman may not have a filibuster-proof majority after all.  Did Rove dream up an “almost, but not quite” style “majority”?

So, if the Republicans can sabotage the Obama program for four years, they can then run a campaign emphasizing that Bush’s successor did not accomplish anything and therefore he needs replacement.

If this premise is valid, won’t the electronic voting machines be used to further cripple the Democratic majorities in the House and Senate, next year?

If, like President Bill Clinton, President Barack Obama has to constantly battle a solid wall of recalcitrant Republican oppositionists, he would go into 2012 with an emaciated accomplishments list, which would set the stage for an “elect someone who will get something done” type Republican campaign against him.

The mainstream press has ignored the issue of the electronic voting machines’ reliability factor and so it seems likely they would greet a 2010 Republican “surge” with a shrug and a “the voters confounded the pollsters again” type of spin-cover story.

The possibility that the Republicans could use the kowtowing journalists in the (supposedly) liberal mainstream media to cast Jeb in a variation of a modern Restoration Drama role which would be as likely as your personal skepticism of journalism’s reliability factor would permit. 

With the help of a complacent press, Jeb could take the podium at the 2012 Republican Convention amid an enthusiastic partisan crowd and a “hear no evil, see no evil” press gallery would conveniently miss the zombie symbolism of the Bush family’s return to power.

Recently Smirking Chimp featured a story about the fact that Germany’s Supreme Court ruled that electronic voting machines were unreliable.

http://smirkingchimp.com/thread/24469

A few days earlier the Bradblog web site (which has been covering the electronic voting machines’ poor performance record in test situations) reported that a Georgia Supreme Court ruling established that electronic voting results can not be contested on grounds that voters were thereby disenfranchised.

http://www.bradblog.com/?p=7445

At this point, it becomes a personal call for each member of this column’s audience:  If you can discount the 2004 objections, the failed tests stories, the ruling of Germany’s Supreme Court and the belief that the Republicans might stoop that low, then you can accept the possibility of a Bush Family return to power in 2012 as a legitimate news story.    If you concede all these points then you have to either find a plausible reason for the Republicans not to engineer such a scary scenario or you can start to prepare yourself for the gleeful Rush Limbaugh programs that would be used to (metaphorically) rub salt into the Democrats wounds following a Jeb victory in 2012.

This was just an attempt to provide a speculative Halloween column as entertaining as any of the installments of the Saw movie series.  If it turns out to be a prophesy . . . we tried to warn folks about the electronic voting machines, but they didn’t listen.  If we really wanted to scare you with this column, we’d elaborate on the particulars of just how long Bush’s “Forever War” is going to last 

Shakespeare wrote:  ‘Tis now the very witching time of night,
When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out
Contagion to this world.

Now, the disk jockey will play the traditional Halloween carol of Bobby “Boris” Pickett’s “Monster Mash.” (Were you expecting him to play the entire “Music to Scare the Hell Out of Your Neighbors” album?) We have to go see if our contact at Playboy can get us into this year’s party at the Mansion.  We are afraid that it ain’t gonna happen.  Have a “Don’t ever scare me like that again” type week.

More Hippie Commune Info

Our post about running away to join a hippie commune has brought in some hits and so we will post this link to one in Tennessee

http://www.thefarm.org/general/visit.html

Maybe we should go there and do a story/column about it?

Return of the Generation Gap

The Santa Monica Ice rink has opened and in Australia the citizens are getting all enthusiastic about Tuesday’s Melbourne Cup race.  It’s their version of America’s Kentucky Derby.  Many women go to work on the first Tuesday of November dress up as if they were going to the opera.  Bets are made during the day and by five minutes after three in the afternoon; it will all be over for this year.  Do Americans care about that bit of foreign culture?  Should we write about that or can we find a new take on the Bush wars?

In Los Angeles, the morning of November 1, 2009 was a living advertisement for the rich color saturation characteristic of Kodachrome film – or it would have been if you could still buy that type of film – because there wasn’t a cloud in the sky and it seems like a perfect summer day was beginning.  There were various and sundry bits of evidence that another Halloween had been celebrated and they subtly suggested that perhaps it would be a good day to write a column about ghosts such as the specter of repeating Vietnam era mistakes.

A quick check of the Sunday edition of the Los Angeles Times showed that the only topics they found worth considering were a portrait of President Obama, a tough talk piece on Iran by Doyle McManus, the possibility of fraud in the Afghanistan’s runoff election, and two assessments of economic challenge faced by the state of California.

Speaking of Shepard Fairey’s version of the Obama portrait do you think that someday someone will write about about the AP image just as one has been written about Alberto “Korda” Diaz Gutierrrez’ famous shot of “Che” Guevarra titled “Che’s Afterlife:  The Legend of an Image”  (written by Michael Casey)?

A few weeks back, while we were staying at the Hostel California, in the Venice Section of L. A., and we noticed that one of they young folks bore a striking resemblance to Ernesto “Che” Gueverra.  We asked the others if they saw the resemblance to the Cuban rebel leader and the reply was:  “Who is Che Guevarra?”

Luckily a laptop was nearby and a quick Google Images search produced a picture and the young travelers were delighted to see that the resemblance was quite striking, especially when the young man was shot in a way that would duplicate the famous “Guerrilero Heroico” image.   Cameras were activated and the one young lady who got the best shot promised to send a copy to this columnist.  Unfortunately, it hasn’t arrived in time to be used as an illustration for this column.

Just a few days ago, we were recounting that incident and when they didn’t respond to the name of the place where it happened, we gave them a clue via a line from an Eagles song:  “you can check out anytime, but you can never leave. . . .”  Some of the young folks knew who the Eagles were (no, not Perth’s West Coast Eagles), and that song in particular, but some didn’t. 

Hah!  Isn’t it ironic?  The peacnik hippies, who were on the young side of the Vietnam era’s “Generation Gap,” are now explaining that era’s cultural references to today’s younger generation.  Could it be that thanks to Rush Limbaugh, today’s college students are pro-war and the older hippies are still advocating Peace, Love, and Brotherhood?

Yikes, do the students at Berkeley, who protested budget cuts last month, know the origin of the line “the kids still respect the college dean”?

How can kids, who think they are in the “counter culture”on Telegraph Ave., be “hip” if they don’t know the titles of the Fugs’ biggest hits? 

Were the lyrics: “I used to live in New York City
Every thing there was dark and dirty
Outside my window was a steeple
With a clock that always said 12:30” about the doomsday clock? 

What was the name of the Susan Sontag essay that spawned the “Trivia” craze in the Sixties?  If that one stumps you follow this link
http://interglacial.com/~sburke/pub/prose/Susan_Sontag_-_Notes_on_Camp.html

Back in the Sixties every college student knew the answer to this question:  “What was Fibber McGee’s address?”

It’s not that there haven’t been any good bands that formed since the Sixties ended; the band calling itself “U2.” seems promising and wouldn’t Guns’n’Roses be quite good if they could just “get it together”?

This columnist can recall a conversation held in a bar in New York City advocating skepticism about “Tricky Dick’s” plan to win the 1968 election with a secret plan to end/win the War in Vietnam.  The older fellow chuckled when he heard the label we had pinned on Richard Nixon and informed me that was what his kids also called the Republican candidate.

What was so funny about a line in a New York City newscast that said:  “The Jets won and Heidi married the goat herder.”?  Huh?

Is it true that the Smothers brothers got tossed off network TV for not being “fair and balanced”? 

What does the expression “Up Creek Alley without a paddle” mean?

Back in the Sixties the oldies stations played Big Band music.  Now, do the oldies stations feature Sixties music?

Yikes!  As mortgages go upside down has the Generation Gap returned with the hippies now playing on the old fogies team?

Is Joey Heatherton still the hottest go-go dancer you’ll ever see?

Why didn’t kids say that Keith Leger was playing the role made famous by Burgess Meredith?

Will Harry Harrison be able to reassure me that New York City is the greatest city in the world?

There is one intriguing question that remains to be answered about a revival of the draft and a massive surge in Afghanistan:  If Fox News supported Bush’s efforts to start the war in Afghanistan, why will they ridicule President Obama for trying to continue it?  Won’t that indicate a contradictory attitude about the war, the current occupant in the White House, and bring up questions about the sanity of their contradictory stances on the same war as conducted by different Presidents?

So, if President Obama, this week, announces a surge in troop levels for the War in Afghanistan, this columnist expects to endure a massive case of déjà vu and will need to hear repeated playings of certain record albums.

The young people who seem oblivious to the dangers of an eternal war that can’t be won might learn something if they talked to some hippies about war and peace and how America’s latest wars got started. 

[Note:  while this column was going through its final polish (at a coffee house in Venice CA) a bunch of younger people were furiously pounding out key stokes as a group mtual support exorcise for the National Novel Writing Month contest.  When their half hour burst is over we’ll ask them about the clock that always says 12:30.  The second youngest one knew it was from a Mama and Papas song.]

Che is quoted online as having said:  ““If you tremble indignation at every injustice then you are a comrade of mine.”  Sounds like he was a hippie.

Now, the disk jockey will play the Snoop-Dog and Willie Neslson duet song, titled “Superman” as well as “Eve of Destruction,” and “Fixin’ to Die Rag,” maybe even throw in Joan Baez’s “Hello in there.”  It’s time for us to go splitsville.  Have a “Hey, Hey, LBJ” type week.

Who Can Forget Remembrance Day?

As this year’s Remembrance Day was approaching, folks in the Los Angeles area were noticing that radio station KGIL has a new format and is calling itself retro1260 (dot com) because they are playing pop music from the Fifties and Sixties and that, in turn, reminds this columnist of some “never to be forgotten” lessons that seem to have become as obscure as some of the songs that haven’t been heard on the radio for forty years.  What would the soldiers who died in Vietnam have to say about the very likely scenario that President Obama is about to send another 40,000 troops to Afghanistan?  Can an entire country get Alzheimer’s disease?

Last year, this columnist was in Sydney on Remembrance Day and was very moved by the news coverage of that day’s events in their country. 

Anyone who graduated from college in May of 1965 will surely recall that the very next month LBJ sent six divisions of U. S. Marines to South Vietnam to clean the mess up. 

In May of  1965, Ford Motor Company’s Mustangs were all “fresh out of the box” new and the really shrewd guys were buying the ones souped up by Carroll Shelby’s team.  Some really smart fellows were renting “competition ready” Mustangs from Hertz and taking them out to a nearby track and using them to compete.  Why put that kind of wear and tear on a car that you own?

The bunnies at the Playboy Club served drinks with a maneuver known as the bunny slouch so that their cups wouldn’t runneth over.

If KGIL really wants to bring back memories, why don’t they use some recordings of the classic sixties disk jockeys introducing the songs?  Who can forget the voice of Wolfman Jack which was heard “coast to coast, border to border, wall to wall and tree-top tall”?  Didn’t Don Sherwood modestly call himself the world’s greatest disk jockey?  Isn’t Cousin  Brucie heard outside of Manhattan on satellite radio these days?

Leaving Scranton to take a job in New York City meant being exposed to unorthodox ideas.  Scranton’s own 109th Infantry Regiment from the 28th Infantry Division had been among the troops capture at Bastogne and they were the loudest warning the local kids that anyone advocating less than full commitment to the Vietnam war effort was probably a Communist.  Wasn’t the proof the fact that the only people against the War in Vietnam (in 1965) were college professors and show business people?  You didn’t have to be a big fan of the House Un-American Activities Committee to know what that meant.

In 1965, FM radio was a phenomenon that (mostly) hadn’t yet happened.  In Scranton, WEJL used the feed (with station identification blurbs) from WQXR which featured classical music.  Heck this columnist had listening habits that meant he was a fan of both Johnny Cash and Wagner (and that was long before the German got such a memorable plug in the movie “Apocalypse Now.”)

Back then the expression “Bookrow of America” referred to more than just the Strand Bookstore.  The one and only Barnes and Nobel bookstore was just a short walk away. 

Does the Wannamaker store still have that bridge that carried shoppers from one building to another over the street?

Back then, a policy called “the Hayes code” mandated that any criminal portrayed in any film had to be apprehended.  Thus young people were constantly reminded that the bad guys would always get caught.  The thought that an American could commit war crimes and then get a pass was a complete contradiction.  It would never happen, so don’t waste time worrying about that.  The WWII vets backed that philosophy with very strong assertions that Americans were the good guys and would never think of torturing a prisoner. 

Who had the “good guys” T-shirts?  Were they offered by WABC or WMCA?

Scranton may not have been a candidate city for housing the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame but it was the home for WARMland and WICK.  It was rumored that the Sunday morning programming in the Polish language earned enough money to underwrite the rest of WICK’s programs featuring the pioneers of Rock.

Will Fox News mention the irony of the fact that this year’s observance of Remembrance Day comes at a time when a new Afghanistan strategy is about to be revealed and that example of poor timing seems to make a mockery of the “never be forgotten” oratory that abounds each year when America marks “Veterans’ Day”?  Doesn’t the word “veteran” apply only to those who survived the carnage?

When KGIL plays “My Way,” we half expect them to dedicate it to George W. Bush.  “Through it all/when there were doubts/I ate them all . . . and did it my way!” 

Folks shouldn’t say “we will never forget,” if it’s obvious that they damn well have.

Youtube offers a clip of Cousin Brucie from 42 years ago promoting an effort to send a shipment of Christmas items to the troops serving in Vietnam.  That will suffice for this column’s ending quotation.  Here’s the link to that clip.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cxb8PD_uQPE

When the Armed Forces Radio in Vietnam played Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas,” that was the signal that the final evacuation of Saigon was commencing, so now, just because he’s a sentimental old fool, our disk jockey will tear himself away from KGIL long enough to play that very song.  Maybe it’s time to contact America’s “granny war correspondent” and find out how to apply for an embed in Afghanistan and get out of Cali.  Have a week full of “foonman brothers” ads (or have you forgotten that “Laugh-In” shtick?). 

 

Another Hippie “how to” tip

If you are thinking of running away to join a hippie commune, perhaps you would like the web site for doing school bus conversions?

So hit this link

http://www.skoolie.net/

 

Runaway to Sea?

We’ve run some tips for folks who want to find a hippie commune, but what about tips for people who want to runaway to sea?

If you are qualified to apply for jobs on yachts, then you might want to take a look at the website called Crew Seekers by following this link

http://www.crewseekers.net/?gclid=CMKE_5PKop4CFR4HagodRS_7mA

Arrgh, matey!  Good luck.

So Many Causes, So Little Time

(Berkeley CA) While visiting San Francisco, it became necessary to go to a bank branch that wasn’t the one this columnist usually uses and in the course of a conversation with the manager, he mentioned that if this customer intended to give the teller a tip, it would be better to donate to one of the charities that they suggested and then he dealt out a list of about a dozen good causes.  He caught us a bit unaware since we have never tipped a bank clerk.  Maybe the rich folks tip them like they tip the croupier when they win a big pot at Monte Carlo? 

The sheet of paper he provided was carefully tucked away so that the list could be accurately transcribed at this point in this column.  One of the disadvantages of a rolling stone existence is that things get lost and so, despite a sincere effort, no list.  The only one that comes to mind is the fog city SPCA.

A clothing store in San Franciso directed their customers to St. Jude’s Hospital (www.stjude.org) which assures donors that the organization in Memphis will never stop looking for cures for the diseases which severely affect children.

Activists on Venice Beach. Recently, were asserting that folks shouldn’t shoot sea lions (www.oceananimals.net)

While staying at the hostel in the Fort Mason National Park (spectacular scenery with a supermarket a just across Laguna St.) we encountered Padma Dorje who was collecting signatures as part of her effort to eliminate torture in the world.

Across the bay from San Francisco, the Asian Community Mental Health Services is conducting the Tiny Tickets effort.  Travelers are asked to send in their Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) tickets to help support that good cause.  (http://www.acmhs.org/bart.htm)

Fellow columnist (and occasional war correspondent) Jane Stillwater is conducting an online petition urging the reform of campaign financing.  For more about that click this link(http://www.thepetitionsite.com/2/constitutional-amendment-to-stop-lobbyists)

While traveling in Australia (looks like the folks on Cottesloe beach will have to celibate Christmas without this columnist this year) activists for Greenpeace and Amnesty International seemed to be ubiquitous, but, upon reflection, they may not have been encountered in Kalgoorlie.  We assured those eager young workers that since we couldn’t afford to give money to their causes, we would urge the people who read our columns to support the altruistic efforts of both groups.   

Now that President Obama is in office and is directing his best efforts towards ending the war in Afghanistan, it will no longer be necessary for this columnist to constantly harangue his faithful readers with diatribes about the absurdity of the continued slaughter and carnage involved in the commendable American efforts to convert that county’s citizens over to advocates of democracy and free elections.  Also, this year as Christians celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace, it will not be appropriate to suggest that former President Bush, who ignored the precepts of war established at the Nurmberg Trials or the rules of the Geneva Conventions, deserves a severe reprimand in the form of another War Crime Trial for himself and some of the members of his administration.  He didn’t know that there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq (what better reason could there have been for invading Afghanistan?). 

Americans have given 43 a “Get out of Jail” card and so it will be necessary for columnists of both the conservative and progressive persuasion to find new and more compelling causes to espouse. 

We were pondering the monumental problem of deciding what crap to buy for friends for Christmas so that they could cram their closets with irrefutable evidence that they support capitalistic democracy via their effort to spend the country out of Great Depression 2.0 and not just by mouthing meaningless platitudes such as “Peace on Earth good will to men (who should be tortured to prevent new terrorist attacks),” when we realized that the Christmas scenes that depict polar bears (<I>Ursus martimus</I>) lurking in the background of the images of Santa may become anachronisms when the last polar bear drowns in an ice free Artic Ocean.

Bill O’Reilly made a pledge to America that he would protect them from pinheads in the media who disseminated faulty information.  O’Reilly is as much history as is “the Lone Ranger” program which must logically mean that the cry for Climate Justice is a legitimate concern.  He’s gone from radio and we’re still here writing columns.  Nice try, Bill!  Guess the people just didn’t buy your BS, eh?  Hence, if we write about global warning, it will now be up to Uncle Rushbo to protect the hillbillies from pro science points of view. 

Speciescide happens.  Folks who live in Berkeley know that UCB’s mascot is the California Golden Bear (<I>Ursus arctos callifornicu</I>) and many of them also know that the last one of that species was shot in Tulare county in 1922.  Therefore we will compose a column which will have the headline:  “Dead polar bear walking!” and fictionalize an interview with the plight of a unfairly convicted (that never happens in the USA, but movie fans know that some unjustified executions do occur in places such as Saddam’s Iraq) prisoner on death row.

What will happen in the future when there are summer heat waves and there are no polar bears in the local zoo to photograph?  How will the wirephoto division of AP cope with that challenge?

There are good causes and there are bad causes, but are there any uncaused causes?

Hmmm.  As an ordained minister this columnist has to wonder:  Does the Berkeley cheerleading squad need the services of a volunteer chaplain?

George Carlin has said:  “The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”  How many little boys and girls in Iraq would like to ask Santa to bring back their arms or legs?

Now, the disk jockey, who heard this song on Revolution Radio (KREV 92.7 FM in the San Francisco area), will play the new curmudgeon anthem:  “I’m beginning to drink a lot at Christmas” (will that become this year’s viral Internet fad?) and this columnist will go Christmas shopping.  Have a “ho, ho, ho in Freo” type week.

Car-spotting in Berkeley

The first car-spotting excursion, as a resident, in Berkeley on Friday December 11, 2009, provided the photographer with a chance to get some shots of this electric car.

T-bird Spotting

This T-bird was spotted in Berkeley on Dec. 16, 2009

Wanna play the shell game with your votes?

Now that American voters have become anesthetized to the dangers of the electronic voting machines which do not leave a paper trail, it wasn’t very surprising to read Riya Bhattacharjee’s page one story in the December 10 – 16 issue of the weekly newspaper, The Berkeley Daily Planet, informing readers that Instant Runoff Voting (IRV) Machines had been <a href = http://www.berkeleydailyplanet.com/issue/2009-12-10/article/34242?headline=Instant-Runoff-Voting-Machines-Approved-for-Alameda-County>OK’d for use in Alameda County</a> because for a cynical, alarmist, conspiracy theory columnist this new topic set off internal sirens and alarm bells in a major way.   Not only was Instant Runoffs (also known as ranked voting) a new concept, there were stealth indications about the possibility that “they” had found a new way to deprive Americans of their voting rights in a sneaky, underhanded, and obscure way.  Instant runoffs seemed like a major candidate for becoming “the next big thing” in the blogisphere. 

The Daily Planet story explained how the new system would give voters the chance to list candidates in a prioritized way so that the machines could anticipate any potential runoff elections and provide enough data for that expensive election result to be avoided.

With IRV people rank their selection and the machine uses the results to compute the various mathematical permutations and potential match ups of candidates in case the voting doesn’t provide a clear statistical majority winner. 

Is it possible that the machines could skew the results in favor of some predetermined winner?  Surely, advocates of the cost cutting innovation will stoutly maintain that only conspiracy nuts will worry about that and that they have engineered the system to avoid such a (theoretical) dastardly manipulation of the sacred American ritual of casting votes and expecting honest election results.

The “they” turned out to be Sequoia Voting Systems.  Aren’t they the same ones who were instrumental in producing the machinery and technology that delivered, as promised, the Ohio electoral votes to George W. Bush in 2004? 

If folks are going to be concerned about such a remote possibility is it any wonder that patriotic Republicans see Democrats as worrywart obstructionists who are only delaying the implementation of a quick easy way to cut the costs of runoff elections?

This new voting innovation can be ready for use in next year’s midterm elections but local voting officials must act quickly to implement this cost cutting new technology.  (Gee, didn’t the “act quickly” philosophy work so well with the invasion of Iraq?)

Expediency is often an integral part of a sales pitch.  You must act now!  Sale ends Sunday.  Fear, such as the possibility that during the current economic slump (Great Depression 2.0?) precious city, county, and state funds could be spent on a runoff which could have been avoided if this magical new voting machine had been approved quickly, can also be used to motivate a fast approval.

Here’s the deal:  sometime when there are a great many candidates for a particular  office, the results will not produce a clear-cut winner and the expenses of a separate subsequent runoff election must be incurred.  With ranked voting, (advocates maintain) that expense can be eliminated and save cities, counties, and or states all the money that would have been spent for a runoff election. 

As advocates of IRV see it, the Great Depression 2.0 is going on now and the nitwits who would want to delay implementing such a cost cutting innovation must be obstructionists who would accede to their greed for power and use obfuscation to hinder and delay this remarkably efficient way to speed up the process and (did I say this before?) cut costs>

(Gee, did the possible expenses involved in a recount prevent Norm Coleman from demanding one?)

Is it possible that the IRV machines could award a win, when one Republican gets all his party votes and the Democratic vote is divided up among several candidates, to someone who didn’t get a majority of all the votes?  At this point Republican advocates of this remarkable innovation might resort to muttering the old W. C. Field’s line:  “Go away, boy, ya bother me!” 

If the IRV system is implemented quickly, could it then be used to cut down on the exorbitant costs to both parties (and campaign donors) for holding long primary campaigns to earn their parties Presidential candidacy?  Once IRV is implemented on a large national level; would it be too much to then sell the suckers (whoops, that word should be voters) to use the cost saving method for a National election? 

People have already become complacent about election results that contradict extensive and well done polls that predicted different results.  What’s not to like about the possibility that such technology could be in place by 2012?  Just imagine an upset victory by Jeb and the restoration of the Bush dynasty.  Wouldn’t the Democrats feel more comfortable bitching about a Bush in the White House than they would if they had four more years of complaining about disappointments delivered a fellow Democrat?

This columnist sent a news tip about this heretofore unheard of topic to some online sites.  Neither the one devoted to the downside of electronic voting nor another one detailing  the misdeeds by liars and crooks used the tip, as far as we could ascertain.  They didn’t even send back a suggestion that a chill pill might be advisable.  

Some groups are challenging this cost cutting way of speeding up the voting process. 

Does this new method of eliminating the costly runoffs produce a paper trail?  Who knows; who cares?

“How many votes did you get?  Was it five or six?  You know in all the excitement, I kinda lost track.  Now, you have to ask yourself another question:  ‘Do I feel lucky?’  . . . Well, do ya, Democrats?”

Could the IRV machines produce inaccurate results?  The various vague answers bring to mind the old H. G. Robinson line:  “You’ll take it and like it.  See?”  Just think of all the great columns that could be written if IRV helps put Jeb in the White House.  So if you don’t like IRV; shut up, sit down, or go read a news update about Tiger Woods. 

Philadelphia native W. C. Fields has said:  “Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”

Now, the disk jockey will play the Stones’ Street Fightin’ Man.  It’s time for us to go do some <a href = http://fgaq.blogspot.com/2009/12/omg-its-zappadan-already.html>Zappadan</a> gift shopping.  Have a “Don’t Eat Yellow Snow” type week.

If Joe Namath could . . .

Back in the (Rolling) Stone Age (AKA the Sixties), the late lamented publication Editor & Publisher reported that a study had produced the fact that reporters, who are “on deadline” every day, had a more stress producing job than a jet test pilot and that may explain why newsies have the reputation for having some very enlightening conversation at a nearby gin mill, after they clock out from work.

In those days, when there was such a concept called journalistic ethics, some of the participants may have prefaced their information with the admonition:  “this is off the record but . . .,” which explains why there are some things from the Sixties which this columnist still feels honor bound to disregard when it comes time to pound out a new effort. 

For instance, when Vice President Hubert H. Humphrey was running for President, he complained to his staff that folks perceived him as being short.  After hemming and hawing, his staff found the courage to explain why that was.  He was told that it was so because he had a big head.  The staffer explained that if you park the Goodyear blimp on top of the Washington Monument, that would make it look short.

Sometimes journalists, after several hearty libations, may kid around and test their coworkers’ limits of credibility.  When a fellow who would later become Time magazine’s White House correspondent told this columnist about the strange fans that are part of the Hollywood scene, he believed it when he was told that there was one person who had a collection of genuine authentic stars’ fescues.  When we got the chance to try and validate that story with a contact at Playboy magazine who knew the fellow in question, the reaction was:  “that sounds like something Doug would say.”  He had never heard our mutual acquaintance utter that outrageous bit of (supposed) Hollywood lore.  He added that Doug always did love putting people’s credulity to the test.

One sports writer, in the waning days of the Sixties, told a story, in a Carson City Nevada watering hole, about an argument he and another writer had, in his cub reporter days, about the legendary horse “Man of War.”  The disagreement was deadlocked.  The bar tender turned around and settle the dispute by giving them the answer in a very definitive and authoritative voice.  Since the barkeep had actually been that famous horse’s trainer, he not only ended the bickering, he became a source for some freelance work that earned handsome monetary remunerations. 

One sports editor in Pennsylvania, solemnly admonished a rookie reporter that if he were ever to work on the sports desk (sometimes sarcastically referred to as “the Toy Department”) as a reporter, he must never (as in NEVER) say that something can’t happen. 

Common sense would dictate that the writer must say “very unlikely” or “a long shot possibility” but that infallible predictions were an invitation to a humiliating journalistic lesson.

After having that journalistic commandment engraved into his memory by rote, this columnist, while working at a truck company headquartered in New York City, noticed that many, many sports reporters and commentators were assuring their audiences that Joe Namath and his team could no way, no how, ever even hope to defeat the future Hall of Famer, Johnny Unitas and his (almost) invincible Baltimore Colts team. 

With the “never say never” dictum in mind, an attempt to make an illegal off track wager backing the much maligned quarterback was unsuccessful.  Bookies didn’t have Yellow Pages ads, so we watched the chance to cash in on the old sports editor’s advice go by without any bet being placed.

The day after Superbowl III was broadcast; the guy at the next desk over called in sick.  Rumor had it that he had been a bookie who didn’t lay off bets since the outcome was a sure thing.  He never came back to the office.  We can never think of that curious bit of office lore without thinking of the line in a Jerry Reed song that wondered about a guy who went into the swamp and never came out.

Dang!  A modest $10 wager would have produced a lucrative January bonus, but alas it was not meant to be.

A recent column by Carl Hiaasen brought these memories alive again because it seconded the assertion made in Foreign Policy magazine that Obama’s surge was futile effort.

It seems that all the commentary and stories about the fact that no one has ever successfully conducted and invasion of Afghanistan make us wonder do the casinos in Vegas let folks bet on wars?  If so, perhaps, just for old times’ sake, it’s time to see if the sports editor’s wisdom also applies to politics.  Who knows?  Maybe Obama can make the surge seem more like the Jets’ victory moment than a bit of Vietnam déjà vu?

Since everyone seems to be discouraging any opinions in President Obama’s favor, how can folks object if a columnist just wants to make a wager backing the President of the United States?

It could be that all the pundits who are strenuously insisting that it’s never been done before, just haven’t had contact with a sports editor who would have advised them to never say:  “never, can’t, won’t, or impossible” in a column that is speculating about a future turn of events.

At two a.m., the bartender at Hurley’s bar in Rockefeller Center, used to say:  “It’s closing time!  You don’t necessarily have to go home, but you do have to get out!”

Now, the disk jockey will play Frank Sinatra’s “Quarter to Three” and we will get out of here.  Have the kind of week that sounds like it came straight out of a Bukowski novel.

Go Fremantle **ckers!

The name of he Fremantle football club isn’t a four letter word vulgarity, but you still can’t use the word because an American garment company owns the word and they won’t let fans (mostly in Western Australia) use that word when rooting and cheering for the Aussie team.

Perhaps a bit of explanation is needed.

When baseball season plays the season opener game, this columnist usually likes to make some snide remarks about the likelihood that an American team will, most likely, win the World Series later in the year.

To make the point in a really sarcastic manner, we decided to root for a foreign team that didn’t even play baseball.  In an Australian guidebook, we found some information about professional sports in the Fremantle area and would note that they didn’t have a snowball’s chance in the Sahara Desert of getting into the playoffs. 

For this columnist the annual shtick became a part of our repertoire and so when we finally indulged in our life long desire to go to Australian and explore it all (which is impossible on a three month visa because it’s so darn big and there’s so very much to see), we soon found ourselves staying at a hostel in Fremantle.  As long as it was only a short stroll, we decided to go visit the stadium (they take their summer vacation in December) and maybe get a souvenir T-shirt or some other tourist type tchotchke. 

When we ambled into the parking area, we talked to some of the team employees and were informed that the name we used was no longer a word that could be said.  Ever on the alert for a story, we asked how that could be.

We were told that an American company (they were too polite to add any negative editorializing comments lest the delicate ears of an American tourist should be offended) owned the word and would only let folks use it when they were referring to the permanent press pants that the company makes and sells.

It seemed odd that this story hadn’t been carried in the blogisphere where hysterical writers were constantly lamenting the disappearances of the citizens’ rights and freedoms.

Wouldn’t that make a good feature story for the Business sections of America’s biggest daily newspapers?  On second thought, maybe the advertising department would discourage any such negativity. 

Wouldn’t the absence of the name of the Fremantle Football Club’s pet name be something that would exasperate Democrats and amuse conservative talk show host? 

Could bloggers use the fact that that word is being held hostage, as positive proof that 1984 has arrived in American society?  Uncle Rushbo would probably goad the liberals in his audience into adding that it was all George W. Bush’s fault that the use of that word is so highly regulated by its owner.  Is that company’s headquarters in Texas?

In Australia, football clubs play soccer.  No wonder the apparel company fears that those guys might misuse and abuse use their word.  You won’t find the forbidden word on the team’s official web page

(In Australia, they call auto body repairmen panel beaters.)

In the final analysis, the worst that can happen is that some Australian sportscaster will blurt out the word **ckers.  No worries mate, just a slip of the tongue.  How much would the fine be? 

Many Australians are comfortable with the contention that America practices cultural imperialism.  Most Americans are ignorant of the concept.

[If only Americans can win it, then why is it called “The World Series”?  We’ve been told that when the annual baseball competition first started it was sponsored by the World Tobacco Company and hence it was referred to as “The World Series.”  Who knew naming rights were a money maker that long ago?  We tried to fact check this urban legend on line but the effort was inconclusive.  Readers are encouraged to do their own fact checking on this and many other items offered in contemporary American culture.]

Harry Bridges has been quoted as saying:  “There will always be a place for us somewhere, somehow, as long as we see to it that working people fight for everything they have, everything they hope to get, for dignity, equality, democracy, to oppose war and to bring to the world a better life.”  Does the blosphere need an official motto?

Now, the disk jockey will play Harry Belefonte’s “Day-O (The Banana Boat Song),” “A Pub with no Beer,” and Otis Redding’s s song “Sitting on the **ck of the Bay” and we’ll slide on out of here and go buy a pair of permanent press trousers.  Have a “watchin’ the tide roll away” type week.

“Such is life.”

Australian law enforcement officers, when they apprehended the outlaw Ned Kelly, shot him 28 times in the process.  They nursed him back to health and then put him on trial for his life.  They found him guilty and his last words, before they hanged him, were:  “Such is life.”

For a columnist desperate for a metaphor, it seems like the doomed man could be a symbol for the Democratic Party in the USA.  After eight years of being pummeled by the Bush Administration, the Democratic Party got a slim majority in the House and Senate.  (Nursed him back to health.)  Then the new Democratic President faced the task of running the gauntlet of conservative talk show hosts.  (Put him on trial.)  Are Australians familiar with the concept of a “kangaroo court”?

Optimistic Democrats see the coming midterm elections as a chance to continue the repeal of the Bush-Republican debacle.  Curmudgeonly columnists see the stories about the electronic voting machines and the impending quagmire that will be caused by Instant Runoff Voting (IRV) as something that can be portrayed as another version of:  “Dead man walking.” 

The analogy can be extended.  When Democratic candidates talk about listening to their constituents during 2010, the pessimists imagine they are hearing the song about “The green, green grass of home.”  The sad old padre would be played by radio host Mike Malloy who has resigned from the Democratic Party and renounced them as not being his kindred spirits.

Meanwhile, the Republicans are very vocal in their assertions of being the true living patriots, while voting against every motion in sight.  Do you suppose that they know something about the unverifiable results that the electronic voting machines will produce next fall, that he Democrats don’t see coming?  Maybe they should emphasis the point by making Merle Haggard’s “Sing Me Back Home” their official song for next year’s elections and each time they play it, dedicate it to the Democratic candidates?

For an ambush to be successful the victims have to be blissfully unaware of what’s just about to happen and it helps if they enthusiastically rush into the trap.  “Heck, those electronic voting machines were what were used when President Obama got hizself elected, so they must be reliable.”  Will who ever is using the radio playing “Please, Mr. Custer, I don’t wanna go” turn down the volume?  Thank you.

The role of the forth estate has traditionally been to challenge and question society’s leaders.  How much of an effort does it take to imagine that if the Republicans score a disproportionate number of upset victories in 2010, the media will meekly respond with a chorus of “once again the voters have confounded the pollsters” stories that are Xerox copies of each other? 

In the news business, prewritten stories are usually called Hand Out’s (H.O.’s [you figure out how to pronounce the acronym]) because it not extremely unusual for the overworked and under paid newspaper reporters to use prepackaged material that requires no effort or thinking.  Another good reason is that management knows that using such items will please the capitalist corporations who run big ads.  Please Note:  Uncle Rushbo has asserted very strongly that no political organization provides him with talking points or monologues. 

At this stage of the game, any attempt to raise concerns about such a looming catastrophe will be treated by the Republican Noise Machine as the hysterical nonsense of an alarmist and will be drowned out by the tumult caused by Uncle Rushbo’s sing-along efforts to wave the flag and disarm any lingering concerns about the computer machines that produce unverifiable results.

Wouldn’t any such alarmist efforts be just as rude as Johnny Cash’s comments about the glass of water he was given while recording a live concert at Folsom Prison?

Did you know that the guy who wrote “A Boy Named Sue,” also produced a bawdy vulgar ditty titled “the Father of a Boy Named Sue”?  Check on Youtube if you challenge that fact.  If the original song was so very popular, why don’t folks know about the companion item?  Do you think that the news in America’s “free press” really is managed?

Speaking of Australia and things you might not know; did you know that the Australian entertainer “Little Patti” received a military (Vietnam Logistic and Support) medal for putting on the show that coincided with the battle of Long Tan, in Vietnam?

In the movie, “Ned Kelly,” Mick Jagger sings a song that is one of the very few (only one?) that was also, in a different movie, sung by John Wayne.  Can you name it?  In “The Quiet Man,” Wayne sang “Wild Colonial Boy.”  (Wouldn’t ya love to hear an electronically mixed version of those two guys singing the same song?)

Yeah, the Democratic Party, just like Ned Kelly, has been nursed back to health.  Now, they have to face the Sisyphus task of winning a majority of contests on those electronic voting machines.  When the final votes have been tallied, we fully expect some media tool to make the glib jibe:  “Such is life” and shrug off any “unforeseen” rash of upsets.

Don’t say we didn’t warn ya.

BTW, how is the effort to replace Bush’s Republican Attorneys General going?  Wouldn’t it come in handy, if a Republican wins in 2012, to still have them in place?

Oscar Wilde wrote:

It is sweet to dance to violins
….When Love and Life are fair:
To dance to flutes, to dance to lutes
….Is delicate and rare:
But it is not sweet with nimble feet
….To dance upon the air!

Uh-oh!  The disk jockey has gone nuts and wants to play the top 10 prison songs of all time.  This is his call:

Folsom Prison Blues (Johnny Cash)

The Cool Hand Luke soundtrack album

Tom Dooley (Kingston Trio)

Long Black Veil (Johnny Cash)

Mama Tried (Merle Haggard)

I’m the Only Hell (My Mama Ever Raised) (Merle again)

For They’re hanging Danny Deever in the morning. (traditional)

Midnight Special (Leadbelly)

Your in the Jailhouse Now (Clint Eastwood)

The Green Green Grass of Home (Tom Jones)

Well, we gotta slip out of here.  Maybe go over to the Purple Porpoise and have a glass of sarsaparilla.  Have a “Far, far better thing I do” type week.

Bad Blake = Bush?

The pro-liberal media that is going into withdrawal pains because they no longer have President George W. Bush to kick around, have gone to warp-speed in their efforts to heap praise on the new movie “Crazy Heart.”  It’s gone beyond the level of effusive enthusiasm and is rapidly approaching the level of promobabble.  Good Christians, who are familiar with the Biblical concept of parables, may wish to assess it as a subtle example of Bush-bashing, before they rush out to see this new cultural phenomenon, which is being touted as a “sure thing” for getting actor Jeff Bridges yet another Oscar nomination.

“Crazy Heart” tells the story of a drunk from Texas who makes a mess of everything he touches. 

Where have the only two Presidents to lose a war resided? 

Do you have to have Roger Whatzizname explain the symbolism of this film or are most red-blooded patriotic Americans smart enough to spot Bush-bashing when intellectual liberals start to shove it down their throats.

So here we have some clever Hollywood types “entertaining” us with the saga of a Texan who’s Midas touch turns everything into an untouchable mess.  (Ya better not step in it, cause it must be mud!, eh?)  Gees, who could that be?

Liberal “intellectuals” are going to repeat over and over the talking point about Jeff Bridges’ effort is a leading contender for this year’s “Best Actor Oscar®” and thus lure fans of country music into the non-stop example of stealth Bush-bashing. 

In the film, Tommy Sweet (Colin Farrell) sends some sweet (if it looks like symbolism, tastes like symbolism, then it must be symbolism!) deals to Bad Blake (Jeff Bridges) his former musical mentor.  Do you think they should have filmed that segment at Enron Headquarters to underscore the point they were attempting to make?

Texas means good bidness, right?  You don’t believe it, just ask Jet Rink, J. R. (did those initials stand for Jet Rink?) Ewing. Mebby you could ask the Lone (Texas) Ranger where he had his silver mine. 

Didn’t O. Henry, the famous writer, start a magazine in Texas and call it Rolling Stone?  (Not to be confused with a later effort with the same name started in San Francisco in the Sixties?)

Do the liberal media do much to tell you about macho Texans?  What about those boys with the Chaparral racing cars?  Are Cobra cars macho?  Well, wasn’t Carroll Shelby from Texas? 

How long is it going to take before the “Texas Roadhouse” people figure out that their restaurants would go over big in “the W. A. (that means Western Australia, mate)”?

When will some wild-eyed uber-enthusiastic liberal blogger report that he has seen Kenneth Lee Lay alive and well and having a burger with Elvis at a fast food joint in Kalamazoo?  Would a President ever use “witness protection program” forged material to help a friend avoid jail time?  Only liberals could suspect something that vile of a Republican President.

What famous person from Texas history resigned as governor at two different times in two different states?  They don’t tell you about that when they’s criticizing Sarah for resigning as Governor of Alaska, now do they? Sarah ain’t no Sam Houston, and that’s a fact.  (Bless her heart!) 

Speaking of the governor of Texas, will Kinky Friedman ever write another mystery novel?

Waylon allas and allas said that Texans think that when they die, they’re gonna go to Willie’s House.

Did the students at Berkeley sing songs asking “Tricky Dick” how many kids did he kill today?  Liberals always choose to pick on Texans. 

OK maybe nobody in Beverly Hills is hill-billy enough to have their Rolls Royce sedan converted into a pickup truck (with a rifle rack for the back window) so that makes them better, right?

To hear the liberal media tell it, the perfect country song will include a verse about mama, pickup trucks, drinking, getting out of prison, rain and trains.  Well, if that’s accurate then how did two Texans get to be President?

Allegedly, Jean-Paul Sartre, while he was in a German POW camp, wrote and produced a play about fascism, with the tacit approval of his Nazi captors.  Gosh, didn’t they feel dumb after he pulled off that stunt?

When the dust clears and Bad Blake has finished screwing things up, he responds with a smile and a shrug.  Can you honestly say liberals will see that and not think of Dubya?

Those liberals just love them some Bush-bashing parables.  They are going to give that Best Actor award to Jeff Bridges.  You just mark my word and wait and see, sho’nuf it’s gonna happen.

When astronauts have a problem do they call for the wisdom of a New York cabbie (“are you talkin’ to me?”) or do they go right to some good ole boys in Texas?

Is it only Texans who say:  “Houston, we have a problem.”?

Now, the disk jockey is going to play Bob Wills’ classic “Waltz across Texas,” Bobby Fuller’s “I Fought the Law (and the Law Won),” and Waylon and Willie’s version of “Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys.”  It’s time for us to dance on outta here.  Have a “lookout, Roger, I’m back in the movie review business” type week.

Where’s the napalm?

Just about all aspects of the similarities between Vietnam and Dubya’s military adventures have been delineated by bloggers, perhaps it has even gone to the <I>ad nausium</I> level.  There is one thing that hasn’t been discussed:  where the hell is the memorable music to go along with it?

What song was no. 1 the week the World Trade Center disappeared in a cloud of dust?  Can anyone think of Vietnam and not think of the smorgasbord of music that was exploding in America’s cultural scene at the same time? 

So, tell me, will future movie makers punctuate their stories of the Bush Wars with the sounds of . . . Mondana?  Hellfire, only the artists who wrote protest songs during Vietnam are writing (as far as this columnist can tell) any dissenting material for the new millennium. 

In the San Francisco area, where are the top 10 music stations?  All you can hear is Uncle Rushbo and Foxettes singing the praises of Dubya’s obsession with WMD’s and bringing democracy to the Middle East (except for Kuwait which was returned to the ruling royal family).  Where has top-10 radio gone?  Yeah, there’s a new oldies station, but what do they play?  Vietnam era rock and roll? 

Who dominates the live concert scene?  Gees, doesn’t that honor go to the greatest rock and roll band in the world, and doesn’t one of their songs just happen to be an integral part of the Apocalypse Now soundtrack?  Is there any contemporary “music” that will still be relevant forty years from now?  You really think Fiddy Scent will be used to summon any future nostalgia for the Bush years?  Will he, perhaps, slide in complete obscurity like Russ Columbo or Arthur Tracy, the street singer, have?

Didn’t World War II also have it’s distinctive music?  Ask a Brit about “Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square” and “Bless ‘em All.”  Ask a G. I. about the “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B.”   “Lilly Marlene” will bring back memories for both the German and American soldiers who fought in the European theater.  Depending on which side you were on, it might make a difference which version you heard.  She had hits with the one song in both German and English versions.

Do certain songs bring back memories of Korea for those vets?  You’ll have to ask Bob Hope’s bandleader about that.

The Vietnam War not only brought with it a collection of music that was on both sides of the issue, it also brought with it a simultaneous massive change in the entire art world.  Can anyone recap the Sixties without mentioning Andy Warhol, Twiggy, or the James Bond novels and movies? 

One of Dubya’s lesser noted contributions to American history is that he seems to have stifled much, in not all, cultural interest in both art and science.  If a certain soft drink company were to replay their older ads that feature polar bears (Ursus maritimus), do ya think Rev. Hogwash would quash the idea because of the stealth endorsement they would convey regarding the polar bear’s place on death row?  Not to mention the liberals’ attempt to invoke science as a way of getting a stay of execution motion?

Thanks to the shrinking news hole in newspapers and the proliferation of the conservative clowns on the radio, art and science have taken a “standing nine count” in arena of contemporary American culture.

Who is the new era Andy Warhol?  Don’t expect to find the answer on the Internet.  When was the last time you saw a story online by a huffing and puffing writer, who was worn out by his (or her) efforts to inform you about a worthwhile art opening?  We remember it happening rather often in the Sixties.

The age of niche coverage has diminished the ability of media to present a vast array of cultural news.  Do the people who run I-pod care what movies are in production?  Does the Rotten Tomato site want to promote Neal Young’s latest protest song?

Uncle Rushbo’s idea of cultural news is to encourage his listeners to boycott the Dixie Chicks’ music.  When was the last time he talked about a good read?  Hell, he ain’t never gonna give one of Carl Hiaasen’s books a plug, because the Florida columnist is pro environment.  Don’t that writer guy know that good Americans are in favor of knocking down Paradise to put up a parking lot?  It’s good for bidness and it creates (ta-dah!) jobs!

Jack Paar, Johnny Carson, Dick Cavett, and Mike Douglas (no not the one who introduces the NBC Evening Talking Points) used to have writers as guests.  Can you dig it?  They would waste good air time talking about something people might enjoy reading.  They could have (like St. Reagan did on his radio show in the late seventies) been using their time to promote the conservative agenda.  Interview writers?  Good Christians won’t waste their time reading “The Harrad Experiment” or the like.  Why give the authors of books like that a free ad by talking to them on air?

You saw what happened when Ed Sullivan asked Mr. James Morrison to change the offensive lyrics of his hit song, didn’t ya?  Dumb bastard balked and got banned.  Think kids these days care about the correct lyrics to “Light My Fire!”?   Bet they don’t even know the name of that guy’s band.  Ha!  Think he’d change his mind if he had that chance again?

Back in the Sixties, there was (I’ve read somewhere) an episode of a TV series that followed the adventures of a band of rascals who were traveling through space (and apparently time also) and they came upon a fellow who told them that when the century that contained the Sixties ended, there would be a period of relative calm.  Global conflicts, like World War II, would be a thing of the past.  There would only be little, localized skirmishes.  They would be called “Bush Wars.” 

So it is that truly religious folks are content to let the devil’s music die and concentrate, like good Christians should, on continuing the slaughter and carnage in the Middle East.

Only old fogies care about hearing music today that will evoke memories of the contemporary scene ten years from now.  Odds are that ten years from now, young Americans will still be working on the efforts to bring democracy to Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, and maybe even Yemen and so songs that are a decade old won’t make one bit of difference, so why worry about them.

There ain’t never going to be a Bush Wars Soundtrack Album because the artists are too busy making money to waste time on putting cumbaya moments into the product.  Today’s musicians are capitalists, just like Reagan and Rush. 

There’s an old saying:  “If you can remember the Sixties; you weren’t really there.”

Now, the disk jockey will play “The Ballad of the Green Berets,” “Eve of Destruction,” “Masters of War” and “Where Have All the Flowers Gone?”  It’s time for us to go over to Spraul Plaza and see what the kids are protesting this decade.  Have the kind of week that would make Lloyd Thaxton proud.

Abandon ship!

The chance that an online columnist (aren’t bloggers now eligible to join the National Association of Newspaper Columnists?) can find a topic that no one else had touched (a virgin topic?) is about the same as hoping to find a $100 bill on the ground.  If, however, a columnist has twice in his lifetime found a C-note just waiting to be scooped (bad journalism pun – 15 yard penalty) up, then he might be justified in pounding out the keystrokes required for a column with a “Has Anyone Else Noticed . . . ?” style headline

Such as?

Over this new decade’s first weekend, there was a story found online indicating that the United States and Great Britain were closing their embassies in Yemen.  Isn’t the closing of embassies usually the last mileage signpost on the road to war?  It was the lead story in some Monday morning newspapers.

Our copy of “The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich” is several hundred miles away and so we have to use memory to work without a net, but back then, wasn’t closing down an embassy, the final diplomatic move before declaring war on the country where the embassy was being vacated?  Has that rash move been demoted down to a diplomatic move in the game of mind-mess (some folks use a much more vulgar term) or do the old rules still apply?

Isn’t closing an embassy with Yemen like burning diplomatic bridges?  Isn’t that equal to the Bush era assessment of “they’re askin’ for it!”?  Wasn’t this weekend’s closing the subtle signal that bombs will talk louder than worn out diplomatic clichés?  Isn’t closing an embassy because of the possibility of a terrorist strike going to be perceived in the Macho Muslim world as a sign of weakness and retreat?

With airport security, health care, Joe Lieberman, downsizing at newspapers, football head injuries, and Tiger Wood having a hypnotic hold on current public discourse, there hasn’t been much commentary on the impending Afghanistan surge. 

Since the Republican Noise Machine has usurped the task of setting the agenda for public debate, it seems evident that if the Fox Journalism Juggernaut doesn’t use the news from Yemen for a taking point, then bringing it up is an existentialist’s exorcise in futility.

George W. Bush changed a good amount of America’s diplomatic modus operandi and so things may have changed since September of 1939. 

If Americans are too distracted to weigh the pros and cons of the Afghanistan surge, then it seems futile to think that they would be interested in any historic footnotes about the fine points of diplomatic protocol.

On the morning of Sunday, December, 1941, wasn’t the Japanese Embassy staff busy burning diplomatic papers and packing suitcases? 

Did you know that the New York Giants vs. the Brooklyn Dodgers (not a typo) football game in Yankee Stadium, which was played on Dec. 7, 1941, coincided with a tribute to a member of the Giants team?  It was Alphonse “Tuffy” Leemans Day and the Dodgers won 21 to 7.  The crowd (according to information found online) was not informed of the events happening at Pearl Harbor.

Would it be worth the effort, today, to write instead a column about the fact that Sean Hannity’s theme song (Independence Day) is actually (if you listen to the lyrics for the entire song) about a woman who kills her wife beating husband?  Gees talk about promoting family values; doesn’t that song nail the Republican philosophy about women?

We’ll keep an eye on Fox News and get back to you if they upgrade the closing of the American Embassy in Yemen to a talking point that indicates a “preemptive strike” is warranted. 

Rubin Blades has been quoted as saying:  “I think we risk becoming the best informed society that has ever died of ignorance.”

Now, the disk jockey will play Bobby Bare’s song “Don’t it make you wanna go home?” the full version of Carrie Underwood’s rendition of “Independence Day,” and “Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition.”  We’ll toddle on out of here and go looking for yet another $100 bill.  Have a “We won’t be back, ‘til it’s over, over there” type week.

Just one word?

In the past few years, the people who perform movie stunts have started to give out awards during the annual awards season, but they are still ignored by the folks who give out the ones known as Oscars®.  Tain’t fair because, as most American movie fans know, sometimes a stunt will leave the audience dumbfounded and asking “how did they do that without killing the actor?”  Don’t they deserve to get an Oscar® for their best effort for each year 

The James Bond series of movies is particularly known for stunts that truly deserve the adjective stupendous when being discussed.

Maybe it’s just an American thing?  Europeans are the ones who like long lingering shots of some poor sap standing on the platform at the Gare du Nord train station dripping wet in the rain with a sad music playing (usually a tinkling piano) while his girlfriend boards a train with her husband.  No one ever said being an existentialist is supposed to be fun.

American’s love them some movies with cars driving off a cliff a la “Thelma and Louise.” 

In the age before Computer Generated Images, the stunt sequences spoke for themselves; it may be that in the computer era, two different awards are needed:  one without a boost from computer animation and one where it was part of the magic.

The shortest acceptance speech of all times happened when Garry Cooper picked up his Best Actor award from the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences by saying just one word:  “Thanks!”

Will some conservative troll object to this column?  You betcha!  Any capitalist worth his salt (look up the origin of the word salary) knows that if you start giving workers any sort of encouragement in the form of awards, it must follow as the night the day, the next thing the rascals do will be to form a union and demand higher wages for risking their lives as part of an effort that will earn hundreds of millions of dollars for the studio owners.

Would Woody Guthrie second the motion to honor the actors and actresses who put their lives on the line to help tell the stories that range from a guy named Luke running away from a pack of baying hounds to a fugitive diving off a high dam?  You betcha!  The guy who sang “I’m stickin’ with the union” would most certainly endorse honoring the best examples of those anonymous daredevils at work.

Advocating the establishment of a new category for the Oscars® may seem too mundane when compared to issues such as the stealth efforts to sneak Instant Runoff Voting (IRV) past the citizens, but being a progressive liberal means fighting a war on multiple fronts.  Not just in the Middle East, but metaphorically speaking, it means paying attention to all the facets of politics, which have to be considered simultaneously. 

The conservatives seem to be unanimous about all the contemporary issues they face; so solidarity with smaller progressive causes seems to be a necessary response to the Reagonists’ “Three Musketeers” strategy.  Have the Republicans been influenced by the Hell’s Angeles’ “fight one of us means fight all of us” type philosophy?  Hell, yeah.

Don’t Uncle Rushbo’s disciples seem to have a knee-jerk automatic disapproval of anything suggested on a liberal web site? 

Those capitalist mongers will greet this column’s topic by quoting the most famous cinematic line of dialogue of all time:  “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn!”

Now, the disk jockey will play Dooley Wilson’s version of “<a href =http://www.dailykos.com/story/2010/1/5/13335/41432?new=true>As Time Goes By</a>.”  It’s time to add the tags, because if I don’t I will regret it.  Perhaps not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of my life.  Have a “This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship” type week.

Wanna visit the Pacific Garbage Patch?

On Wednesday, January 06, 2010, we encountered some young folks who were raising funds for Environment California.  Like all liberals, they were using scare tactics to motivate donations.  Their literature sets the tone with this:  “The Pacific Garbage Patch is an area of the ocean twice the size of Texas, swirling with 1000 million tons of plastic, Styrofoam and other garbage.  The seawater there contains six times more plastic than plankton.”

Sometime ago we saw a report on the BBC showing garbage that had washed up on the shore of Wake Island so we had some separate substantiating information that they weren’t putting us on. 

We had hoped to have some fun with this column by writing about some frivolous tidbits of information, such as the fact that Australia’s biggest summer hotrod event, Summernats, is just about to start in Canberra, and Elvis’ birthday is Friday (didn’t get an invite to the party at is home in Kalamazoo), but then we started to wonder how those fund raising youngsters were going to convince the skeptics that the Pacific Garbage Patch really exists?

*(sigh)*  Do you think that the American hot rodders who fly Confederate flags could identify with a national event that carries the slogan “Beer, boobs and burn-outs”?

Did Elvis ever make a Public Service Announcement (PSA) about preventing pollution?

Heck, James Dean made a PSA advocating safe driving.  Didn’t he even add the cliché “The life you save may be mine.”?

Gees, if people don’t believe the scientists, who assert that the polar bears (Ursis maritimus) are living on death row, how are those people going to convince skeptics that something that is “twice the size of Texas” is sitting out there beyond the horizon?  If they don’t have Google pictures of it, maybe they should start using a passenger ship to offer cruise excursions to environmental activists. 

Obviously, if the island is made up of garbage, they can’t land airplanes there.

(What ever happened to the underwater hotel that opened amid an avalanche [well I saw one] of feature stories about the unique tourist experience in the Caribbean?)

Will they try to convince skeptics that the fact that lately the Great Coral Reef is looking a bit pale and anemic supports their contention about pollution affecting the Pacific?

Is pollution prevention an issue of relevance to Country Music fans?  Well, isn’t that the intention of the bumper stickers that say:  “Don’t Mess with Texas”? 

Who’s talking trash?  Sometime inserting an extraneous bit of information that may not have appeared extensively on the Internet can be considered as putting out “Google bait” to help lure new readers to a web site.  Do you think conservative readers are going to come to this column if we assert that one of their heroes deserves his own war criminal trial?  You gotta put things out there that might get them to click over.  One way is to mention stuff like the fact that there is a German Air Force Air Defense Center in Texas.  Aren’t page hits like sex, drugs, and money?  I.e. you can never have enough of those items?

Writer William Kotswinkle grew up in Scranton (in Joe Biden’s neighborhood by Maloney field [do a Google search for “Maloney Field Scranton” and there seems to be only one relevant suggested URL]) and in his novel “Jack in the Box” (or was it one of his other books such as “Queen of Swords” or “Elephant Bangs Train”?) he casually mentions Scranton’s burning culm dumps as if every kid in every city across America would know just what he was talkin’ about. 

Culm (Word’s spell-check challenges that word) was a waste product from the coal mines.  They would be deposited in a gigantic pile.  The resulting slag heaps were as big as a mini-mountain.  Some of them caught fire.  Spontaneous combustion was the explanation.  They dumped a good deal of pollution into the air, but at night the sight of them emitting blue flames (Didn’t Jimi Hendrix once belong to a band with the name:  the Blue Flame?) was truly beautiful.  Last we saw, the burning culm dumps had disappeared from the Scranton area so there’s no need to have their existence mentioned on the Internet.

We told the eager kids we met today that we couldn’t afford to donate, but we would write about them in a column. 

We wouldn’t claim we need to conserve funds to finance a lavish jet set lifestyle; it’s more like getting by on the level of a Dharma Bum wannabe. 

Since we just picked up a bargain copy of Christopher Hitchens’ 2003 book, “A Long Short War,” we wonder why does he still get paying gigs, while liberal bloggers only get to put “We tried to warn you about Bush” bumper stickers on their cars that are waiting until the writer gets enough money to pay a mechanic?  Think Hitchens will ever write about the Pacific Garbage Patch?  Me neither too.

Christopher Hitchens has written (page 15 of the aforementioned book):  “How absurd, incidentally, that anyone should accuse Blair of being a serf or ditto or poodle.” 

The disk jockey thinks that mentioning burning culm dumps is his cue to play Hand Williams Jr.’s current hit song “The Bon Fire.”  We’ll pop the clutch and burn out of here.  Have a “he didn’t know” type week.

Crossing the craft

It didn’t work

I tried posting images on Flickr so that I could add them to the column I posted on Daily Kos.  It didn’t work.  Here are some other photos of “Oceana” on Shattuck Ave., in Berkeley

Forget 9-11? Don’t make me laugh!

Liberals get so perturbed by Fox when they hear lies, half-truths, and distortions. This past weekend, when Rudy Giuliani tossed off his one-liner about the United States experiencing zero terrorist attacks on Dubya’s watch, those words aggravated, upset, and riled up (can I say “pissed off”?) the Democrats to an extreme level because there is just no way that day could have slipped his mind. So why did he say what he said?

The Democrats are getting unnecessarily discombobulated because they just don’t get it. What is happening is similar to the (very) old comedy routines that were filmed by Alan Funt who would use his “Candid Camera” to record the “hilarity ensued” aspect spawned by his adolescent boy stunts. One of his most famous segments involved the rigging of a U. S. Post Office mail box so that it seemed to talk to some of the people dropping letters into it.

Sooner or later the Democrats will (eventually) realize that Fox News is just (IMHO) just some good ole boys pulling their chain with a comedy series that portrays the antics of a bunch of patriotic hillbillies who are completely convinced that members of the Bush family can do no wrong. Did anyone ever accuse Mary Tyler Moor of telling on-air fibs because of something she said during her fictionalized TV show about television journalism?

Do you still “not get it”? Fox News is kinda like a cross between the Dukes of Hazard and George Carlin’s classic comedy routines that skewered radio. Shouldn’t the Fox News motto be one word: “Gardyloo!”?

On Fox News, no matter what happens, the Pres has to come off smelling like roses if he’s a Republican and, conversely, worthy of immediate impeachment if he’s a Democrat. The Fox reaction is totally dependent on the political affiliation of the current President. Once the liberals catch on to the running joke premise of this long running comedy series, they will be able to relax, enjoy it, and “play along at home.”

The challenge facing the good ole boys at Fox News can best be understood via the old story about the Irish cop investigating a traffic accident.

Officer O’Brien is called to the scene of a TC (traffic collision). When he arrives, he sees two cars crunched together, at a traffic light. The rear of one is tangled with the front of the second vehicle which is being driven by the monsignor at Officer O’Brien’s church, Father O’Malley. The cop runs up to the priest’s window and says: “Father, how fast was he goin’ when he backed into you?”

The cop knows that the good Irish priest can not be at fault, (thinking that it could be is like believing that if someone flaps his arms fast enough, he can fly) but there has to be an explanation for what happened. It is immediately evident to the Irish cop what happened and then all he needs to know is the speed of the jaunty sports car which (obviously) just backed into the front end of Father O’Malley’s Chevrolet Sedan.

Conservatives know that when they tune in to the comedians on Fox, they are going to get some hilarious and entertaining details about just how fast the Democrats “hot rod” was going when it backed into the Republicans’ family values black four door sedan.

Fox News does for journalism about the same thing that Edgar Bergan did for ventriloquism. Since Bergan’s lips used to move while his wooden dummy (Charlie McCarthy [W. C. Fields used to refer to Charlie as; "termite bait"]) was supposed to be talking, so Bergan (and Charlie) became a big hit on radio, where the moving lips didn’t matter. For a conservative audience insisting that “journalists” stick to the truth while smearing the Democrats, is like trying to hear Bergen’s lips move on radio while Charlie McCarthy is talking. You will only spoil the entertainment value by thinking about those minor flaws.

Aren’t both Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hanity known for their “deadpan delivery?”

Some young folks may never have heard the classic George Carlin comedy routines about the hippy-dippy weather man, life at a radio station (WOLD?) and the tagline songs about fictional Wonderful WINO radio. Pitty. If they had, they’d be hip to the shenanigans being broadcast daily on Fox News.

Didn’t the New Yorker magazine try to let the cat out of the bag when they ran the famous cartoon with the caption: “I’m not a newsman, I play one on TV.”? Isn’t the framed original sketch on display at Fox News Headquarters?

Using the reduxio ad absurdum style of argumentation, we’ll concoct a hypothetical development in the war on (oil field) terror(tory) as an example of the unappreciated creative comedy genius available to those who tune in to Fox news.

Suppose, that someday, somehow, Osama bin Laden turns up at the gates of the White House and wants to surrender and repent. Obama makes the “collar” (as they say in police circles) and the press is invited to cover the arrest and subsequent “perp walk” when the outlaw leader is led to the “Black Maria” waiting to take him away.

The pro-liberal media would be ecstatic covering the historic arrest.

For Fox, the challenge would (as always) be to portray what had just happened as a colossal blunder and a harbinger of impeding doom for the United States.

Impossible, under the circumstances, you say? Anyone saying that, has been fooled again into expecting journalism from Fox and not being hip to the creative hysterically funny improv comedy they were watching.

Think about it. How could this fictional event be manipulated into sounding like a major gaff by President Obama?

If this columnist were the Managing Editor overseeing Fox’s coverage of this imaginary event, here are three suggestions about how to spin it:
President Obama didn’t use the correct wordage while reading the suspect his Miranda rights and thus “queered” the case and insured an inevitable mistrial.
In bragging about the arrest, Obama had tainted the jury pool in the entire USA thus making a fair trial impossible.
President Obama had planted the “bloody glove” evidence in his enthusiasm to get a conviction and, subsequently, some good lawyers would make sure that Osama got a “not guilty” verdict in a fair trial.

If Fox, had covered VE day and wanted to make it look bad, how would they have reported it? “Allied troops entered Berlin today, but the troops under the command of the Democratic Commander-in-chief let Germany’s top war criminal disappear.” See how easy that was?

How would Fox have reported VJ Day? Since they can have the writers dream up facts that are going to be sure laugh-getters, they could have said: “After missing Tokyo by several hundred miles and dropping their ordinance on the wrong town, one called Hiroshima, the Democrat Party led American forces lucked out, because that close call scared the crap out of Japan’s Emperor. Unfortunately (more hypothetical alternative history here) the intelligence analysts couldn’t immediate connect the dots involved in Japan’s offer to surrender and the Democratic President approved a second atomic attack. Hey, Fox News has never promised you an unbiased report from the rose garden. Sure, they use the “fair and balanced” label, but have they ever claimed to be unbiased?

How long will it take for Democrats to figure this out? Don’t many of TV’s most famous comedy writers pick up some easy “freelance” money by submitting their best one-liners to Fox News?

Can anyone seriously contend that there will be any modicum of skepticism, on Fox, in 2012, when there is a (electronic voting machine generated) groundswell of enthusiasm for Jeb’s run for President?

Charles Foster Kane (Orson Wells) said: “If the headline is big enough, it makes the news big enough.”

Now, the disk jockey will play:
X-files theme music
Sheb Wooley’s “Purple People Eater”
Buchanan and Goodman’s “Flying Saucers” Part I and II

It’s time for us to go get beamed up.
Have a “Klaatu barada nikto” type week.

Time traveling back to the Good Old Days of 2010

This columnist isn’t going to assume a Pollyanna attitude and try to convince anyone that 2010 will be memorable because: the Bush Wars are approaching the victory celebration phase, or that the Republicans are providing a textbook perfect example of bipartisan cooperation with a war President, or that business is experiencing the golden age of opportunity.  The premise here is that for some portion of the population, in twenty years they will look back at this time period and be sincere when they proclaim:  “Those were the good old days!”

Men and women who are in their early twenties this year will probably be oblivious to current events news and not spend endless hours reading the political analysis on both the liberal and conservative web sites.  Aren’t they in the rutting season phase of their lives?  Aren’t they “doin’ what comes naturally” as often as possible, now?  In 2030, they will be in their forties.  At that age wouldn’t they give anything to travel back in time to the time when they were at their athletic and procreative peak?  How many of them would, at that future date, not be in agreement that this time frame qualifies as the good old days?

People, who are in their forties this year, may plunge into some new projects with a fervor that is spurred on by the sound of “time’s winged chariot.”  Twenty years from now, they’ll be taking their meds and waiting for their Social Security checks to arrive (if the Republicans haven’t achieved one of their goals and killed off that program) and a return to the age of forty-somethng would seem like a golden opportunity.

Today’s codgers in twenty more years will still be chasing kids off their lawns, but the old fire and enthusiasm will be considerably diminished by then.  It’s just natural.  There might be one or two exceptions to the rule, but generally speaking the period in life when they give you a retirement party is “better” than being in one’s eighties will be.

Odds are that in 2030 some old geezer, who is getting the Netroots Convention’s lifetime achievement award, will tell the newbies at the event that:  “You shoulda been there when bloggers were the only ones pointing out Bush’s shortcomings.”  The kids will give the old foggy a standing ovation and want his autograph and some pointers.  Some rookie journalist will ask him/her to describe how it feels to make a political endorsement that swings an election.

In 2030, according to my calculations, it will be an “off” year for the Rolling Stones to rest up between tours.

Most likely, pacifists will look back at 2010 as the time when the movement leaders had still not groked to the fact that Bush’s eternal war on terrorism would never require the selection of a Peace Talks delegation to travel to Paris so that they could start fighting over the shape of the table to be used.

Maybe by 2030 Brad Pitt will be equally famous for his company which makes salad dressings and managing a very high profile charity?

Critics, in 2030, will be asserting that Saturday Night Live began to loose its punch after the 50^th season.

Madonna will have won an Oscar for her work in a remake of “On Golden Pond.”

In 2030 only the best connected terrorist suspects will qualify for applying for any incarceration openings that occur at the Gitmo prison.  The unlucky ones will be tossed into an overcrowded dismal anonymous facility that will be overcrowded and poorly lighted.  They will be the modern equivalents of just another “Black Hole of Calcutta” type prison.

This year may be remembered for an all pervasive “Ducky Lucky” attitude from both liberal and conservative pundits, but maybe if the Bush Wars grind on and on, they will realize that the old sixties era joke was a bit of fortune telling in disguise.  “I was feeling very bad.  Someone came along and said:  ‘Don’t worry, things could be worse’ and sure enough . . . things got worse.”

At the beginning of 2010, the US isn’t sending troops into Iran or Yemen. 

Sometimes don’t the news reports about Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan and Yemen remind curmudgeons of the story about the fox and the bear that had each gotten one of their hands stuck in a wad of tar and threatened the tar creature that if he didn’t let go, they would wallop him with their other hands?

There are many problems and challenges being faced by Americas citizens in 2010 and yeah, this year, for some, may sound like it inspired the famous rant in the movie “Network,” but in twenty years, the books, movies, and songs, that were on the top of the charts during 2010 will be imbued with a strong element of nostalgia and inspire the woulda/coulda/shoulda crowd to proclaim:  “those were the good old days.” 

Do folks today watching the “at long last, have you no shame” video on Youtube realize that at that same time Edward R. Murrow was risking his job to report on Senator McCarthy’s ruthless political exploitation of the Communist threat to the country other much more famous aspects of contemporary culture were occurring? 

When people look back at that particular point in American history, aren’t they most likely to use James Dean, Elvis’s “Don’t Be Cruel,” hot rods, and flat top haircuts to evoke the year rather than recalling Murrow’s remarkable bravery?

It’s just human nature for the Hell Decade to slowly morph into “the good old days.”

In the Sixties a famous example of graffiti proclaimed:  “Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be.”

Now, the disk jockey will play:  “The Dragnet theme music,” the theme music for “Bonanza,” and the theme song from “Gilligan’s Island.”  Now, it’s time for us to say:  “Good Night Mrs. Calibash, wherever you are.”  Have a “filled with those events which alter and illuminate our times” type week.

Prudes battle full body scans

While visiting Paris in 1986, in an effort to become fully immersed in contemporary French culture, this columnist decided to rely on his anemic ability to speak and understand the French language to go to a movie there. 

The two leading contenders were “Betty Blue” and “<a href =http://www.answers.com/topic/descente-aux-enfers>Descend Aux Enfers</a>.”  The latter was chosen and the selection turned out to be a bit of serendipity luck.  When we got back to the USA we saw Blue in Los Angeles, two weeks later.  Descent en Enfers had gained some notoriety in the Paris newspapers because an ingenue actress’ first nude scene was one of that film’s cultural milestones.  It, to the best of my knowledge, never was released in the USA. 

To the French it was no big deal for a young actress to play a scene nude.  Did or didn’t America get all riled up over some photos of Miley Sirus, a short time ago?

Americans will criticize Middle East countries for requiring women to wear burkas, but then when they are in Australia, they will be shocked by women who go topless at the beach.  (Go figure.)  A member of the American military recently caused a ruckus by sending a letter to the editor of an Australian newspaper complaining about the scanty attire Aussie women wear (at the beach?).  That American, apparently, did not make any suggestions mentioning donning a burka.

Americans are terrified by the prospect that a bad guy will smuggle explosives aboard an airplane and yet they are more traumatized by the full body scan technology.  If questioned, Americans will titter (“He said ‘titter,’ Beavis!”) when considering this question:  What if the answer to airline security is nude check-in at the point of departure?

Yikes!

Americans are adamant that such a scandalous suggestion should not be taken seriously.  Hence it is litteraly true when prudes say:  “I’d rather die than let a stranger see me naked.”

Jay Leno can talk about it, but heavens forfend, if Keith Olbermann should offer that solution, America would freak out like an Arab seeing a woman’s face.  We understand that the burka update to their other, older religious beliefs was added during the 19th Century. 

Given a hard binary choice:  nude check-in or terrorist incident, which would Americans choose?  Obviously the Republican defenders of Christian family values would do everything in their power to avoid being ambushed by any direct answer to that question.  (“Yes or no?  Don’t wait for the translation, answer the question!”) “Look!  Look!  The Hindenburg!  Uh, what were we discussing?”

Thorne Smith, who died on June 21, 1934, wrote many novels that were very imaginative and made into hit movies and/or popular TV series, but his one novel, “The Bishop’s Jaeggers,” is still way to risqué and ahead of its time, to be made into a movie aimed at the prudish American public. 

Wasn’t Luis Andrew Martinez called “The Naked Guy” at UCB?

General McCafrey <a href =http://www.upi.com/Top_News/Special/2010/01/07/McCaffrey-shocks-with-Afghan-totals/UPI-65561262892600/> is getting little notice</a>; (UPI did carry the story) for making a prediction that casualties in Afghanistan are going to increase dramatically.  The repercussions of spending a great deal more money to send 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan should be prompting debates about spending priorities (Metaphorically speaking can a country “max out” its credit card?).  So body scans might (possibly) be used as clever diversionary tactic for the politicians to promote outrage rather than to turn attention to the important issues and, as W. C. Fields would have put it, grab the bull by the tail and face the situation.

There are seven million topics available on the Internet; this has been one of them.

TV’s Laugh In’s Artie Johnson got lots of laughs by asking the question:  “Wanna see my Walmetto ?

Now, the disk jockey will play Ray Steven’s song “The Streak,” Peter and Gordon’s “Lady Godiva,” Maryann Faithful’s “The Ballad of Lucy Jordan”  the Hombres’ “Let it all hang out,” and the 1969 version of “Running Bare” done by Sonny James.   Well, it’s time for us to go try to see if we can get a press pass to cover this year’s “Nudestock” music festival (running through the shady streets screaming all the way?).  Have a “ . . . or do you just like me?” (ask a Mae West fan) type week.

Uncle Rushbo returns to form

Columnists of the liberal persuasion can often come up with a current events topic by listening to Uncle Rushbo’s EIB nonsense.  If you tune in often you increase the odds that you will pick up some subtle points that the other liberal pundits might miss. 

A trip to the Santa Monica Public Library seven years after the invasion of Iraq to do some long overdue fact checking, seemed to be a textbook perfect example of “lag time.”  We found out all about Robert Jackson’s opening statement at the Nuremburg War Crimes Trial and were surprised to learn that the “he didn’t know” bullshit was a red herring because the United States’ lead prosecutor had established the principle that “any invasion is a crime against peace.”  Gees, that sure took the wind out of the “he didn’t know” song and dance.  Or was it a case of “Don’t do as I do, do as I say!”?

Having listened to Uncle Rushbo during his Iraq War cheer leading days, we don’t have to believe what he was saying to be able to say “he sounded sincere.”  Yeah, he sounded sincerely crazy, but he delivered his lines quite convincingly.  Uncle Rushbo was (IMHO) playing “sane” just as well as Humphrey Bogart played “crazy” in his role as Fred C. Dobbs, in “Treasure of the Sierra Madre.”

What would happen if you used one of those little voice stress analyzers (those thingies that conservatives urge parents to use when questioning their kids about drug use) during the EIB broadcasts?

With that preamble, our credentials for evaluating Uncle Rushbo’s tone have been established and we can proceed to the premise of this column:  When Uncle Rusbho was ignoring his femme-Nazi philosophy past and heaping lavish praise on Sarah Palin as the front runner for the 2012 Presidential election, he sounded, to this listener, as if he had just survived an extended waterboarding experience. 

We did a rough draft of this column and wondered how long it would take Uncle Rushbo to revert to form and start manifesting his symptoms of misogyny.  We figured that he would wait out the week, at the very least.  We misunderestimated him.

On Thursday, January 14, 2010, we missed his program, but Mike Malloy played Uncle Rushbo’s conversation with a young lady named April from that day’s installment of “Redneck Philosophy for Fun and Profit.”

April did a rather commendable job of debating him, but as always, when it looks like a conservative is going to loose, he started cheating.  Uncle Rushbo turned it into a publicity coup by inserting “you have tampons in your ears” (the quote <a href = http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/home/daily/site_011410/content/01125112.guest.html> is in the  transcript</a> posted on Limbaugh’s web site) into the proceedings.  He had cackled about how he can infuriate the Liberal Media with a minimum of effort.  Did Thursday’s performance outrage Malloy?  You betcha!  Did it qualify Uncle Rushbo for this year’s <em>Enfant Terrible</em> awards?  That remains to be seen, but it sure looked like he had taken an early lead in that competition.

Can’t you just picture a schoolyard scene, of yore, where some big mean guy forced the fat little future radio luminary to “take back what you just said”?  Say, maybe that’s what spawned his effort to continually seek the most outrageous sentiments and spew them without any fear of ever having to recant. 

It’s obvious that the Republican <em>el jefe</em> has never heard of, let alone read a biography of, Robert Brasillach, who learned the hard way that what you say can have consequences.  He was not just a writer; he was classified as an “intellectual,” who got hizselph kilt when the Frogs conducted their collaborators trials at the end of WWII. 
   
Uncle Rushbo has bragged that he loved being able to exasperate the Liberal Media at will.  It seems quite likely that he wouldn’t appreciate being compared to a French intellectual let along one who was shot as a collaborator.  Nyahhh, nyahhh.  Uncle Rushbo sounds like a French intelectual! ! !  Nyah, nyah, nyah!  (Wasn’t Muhammad Ali’s rope-a-dope taunting so audacious?  Wonder what the equivalent move in the world of punditry would be.)

Earlier this week when Sarah Palin made her first and much ballyhooed appearance on Fox’s non stop marathon of Republican Propaganda, Uncle Rushbo heaved a sigh of relief that could (metaphorically?) be heard on the “Free Speech” historic site of Sproul Plaza.   

Whew!  He can now go back to blasting the broads and promulgating the official Republican position regarding women; “keep ‘em barefoot in winter and pregnant in summer.”  He might even give his <em>imprimatur</em> to Sarah’s new gig by agreeing to an interview done by her which will be touted as “scathing” and “relentlessly probing,” while assiduously avoiding any reference to his past disparaging remarks about the fair sex.

It seems as if some of his adoring female fans just can’t get enough of the VA (verbal abuse) he dishes out regarding women.

Fox news continually exemplifies the old Hollywood axiom:  “If you can fake sincerity, you’ll have it made.”

We just knew that Uncle Rushbo wouldn’t disappoint his fans with a long delay to the good old femme-nazi bashing days; it was just a matter of time.  He didn’t waste much time did he?  Wasn’t it in the movie “Mr. Arkadin” where Orson Wells told the story that ended with the punch line:  “Because it’s in my nature.”?

Now that Sarah (AKA America’s Evita?) has resigned as the Republican “frontrunner for 2012,” conservatives will hold off on anointing the next “next President” until after this fall’s midterm elections.  If the results (courtesy of the electronic voting machines?) produce a slew of Republican victories and a passel of restoration drama analysis, my perdition is that the (well trained) Liberal Media will set the stage, with a spate of adoring stories, touting a “groundswell” of enthusiasm for Jeb’s run for becoming “45.”

Isn’t the Voltaire quote:  “I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it” the official motto of the EIB network?

We’ve requested that the disk jockey play the Hag’s (an affectionate nickname for Merle Haggard) song “(Are we living now, or is it) 1929”.  The disk jockey has also decided to play the Stones’ “Honky Tonk Woman,” Jim Reeves’ “Throw another log on the Fire,” and the new Republican old favorite titled “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk.”  It’s time to go down to the railroad station and pick up a friend’s mother.  Have the type week that earns Mr. Snerdley’s seal of approval.  (I.e.  “Yeah, that’s how country boys roll!”)

Obama Legacy Death Knell on Conservative Radio

On the morning of January 20, 2010, the conservative propaganda machine seemed poised to swoop down on the carcass of the Obama legacy and pick it apart completely.  Next they will switch to their cheerleader uniforms and encourage the Republican Senators in their efforts to conduct a sit-down strike in the best tradition of the United Auto Workers who invented that particular tactic 

Democrats and liberal pundits must face a thorny dilemma in assessing the loss in Massachusetts:  either the results were not honest or the Democrats can’t hit the broad side of a barn from inside the barn.

In the mid thirties the nascent Auto Workers union devised the tactic of going to their workplace and then doing nothing.  The Republicans Senators have shown a highly polished ability to tell tales full of sound and fury, on Faux News, while actually doing nothing.  Its obviously that the brave efforts of the striking Senators will be the basis for some future song that will take its place along side the great labor protest songs of the past. 

On Wednesday January 20, 2010, Uncle Rushbo was ecstatic about the meaning of the inconvenient (for the Democrats) election results.  He offered listeners some thinly veiled hints about future Republican strategy.  Senator Brown, will have roughly (days on the campaign trail were subtracted from Senator Obama’s grand total) the same amount of experience in the Senate as Senator Obama did when he was sworn in as President.   He tantalized his audience with the possibility that Operation Chaos would be resurrected for any campaign for the 2012 nomination by “my gal, Hillary.”  The Democratic nomination itself makes a perfect “wedge issue.”  He indicated that President Obama had reneged on his promise to deliver “change.”  He didn’t acknowledge any help the Republican sit-down strike might have added to the Obama team shutout score.  

Since the Republican 2012 strategy will be to label President Obama as the one who set the gold standard for firmly establishing a null set legacy, the more the Republicans don’t do, the better they position themselves for making Obama look impotent.  Republicans have a tendency for selecting a war cry that subliminally underscores their macho-ness and questions the virility of the Democratic candidate, as the “flip-flopper” label did for Senator John Kerry in 2004.

From now until Election Day in November of 2012, the Republicans (all Republicans – not just the Senators) will be relentless in their effort to do nothing.  They will be using the tactics of delay, disrupt, and destroy to cripple the Obama legacy.  It is not inconceivable that they will portray themselves as heroes comparable to the members of the French resistance who sabotaged the Nazis as often as they could. 

Republicans and mainstream journalists who are making the sly allegations that President Obama is reminiscent of the world’s most famous white supremacist consistently ignore the fact that the Republican spin playbook follows step for step and point for point the principles of propaganda as delineated in the book “Mein Kampf.” 

Hunter Thompson (may he rest in peace) repeatedly used the expression “big darkness soon come.”  He prophesied a gloomy world run by war criminals and greedy capitalists.  In 2004, we made repeated efforts to contact HST (no, not former president Harry Truman) to make a modest wager over a third term for George W. Bush.  Our efforts to out pessimist the county’s leading voice of pessimism were a bit premature, but if he were still alive today, he would obviously have the bragging rights for saying that he tried to warn America that Republicans won’t stop.  If the Republicans could take every cent from every Democrat, they still wouldn’t be satisfied.  They would want the right to sell the bodies of dead Democrats’ to the medical schools that buy cadavers. 

Isn’t the spectacle of seeing members of George W. Bush’s party calling Democrats arrogant an example of hypocrisy that brings to mind the cliché about the pot calling the kettle black?  Which brings up the true Republican challenge for the 2012:  how subtly racist can they get without incurring a 15 yard penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct? 

The Republican calls for transparency make the Bush cone of silence seem like an absurd example of the “don’t do as I do” school of thought. 

Uncle Rushbo will be anointed (by himself) as the line judge during the 2012 Presidential campaign when questions of poor taste require adjudication.  He will be completely impartial when it comes time to condemn Democrats for any lapses of good taste or to defend Republican comments made in a spirit of jest.

Sean Hanity seemed incensed about Obama’s arrogance during Wednesday’s broadcast.  It seems to be that if Bush does it, it is strong leadership.  If Obama does it, it’s arrogance.  Just an example of two completely different interpretations from two separate points of view and not a case of Conservative racism, nothing to see here, folks – move along.

Liberal pundits on the Stephanie Miller show ascribed the Coakley loss to overconfidence, but she and the mooks also noted that Brad Friedman had been the voice of one crying in the wilderness concerning the possibility that the results might not be oat the 24 carrot purity level of achievement. 

After we bang out a column about the start of the <a href =http://www.noircity.com/>Noir City film festival</a> which starts Friday in San Francisco, we will pump out a column that proves that the liberal pundits can’t remain focused on the task of convincing Conservatives that Iraq’s WMD’s are not hidden in a cave in the Tora Bora Mountains. 

A famous German once wrote:  “The primitive simplicity of their minds renders them a more easy prey to a big lie than a small one, for they themselves often tell little lies, but would be ashamed to tell big lies.”  Don’t they also say that in Texas?

Now the disk jockey will play “Happy days are here again,” “Ain’t We Got Fun,” and “Puttin’ on the Ritz.”  It’s time for us to start fact checking the spurious allegations that a member of the Bush family profited enormously from the Savings and Loan meltdown.  Have a “You did a heckuva job, Brownie” type week.

“Contradicting isn’t arguing!” (“Yes, it is!”)

The famous philosopher Montague Python devised the most popular circular argument of all times when he posited the hypotheses that contradicting is a legitimate, scholarly method of argumentation and he subsequently spawned a cottage industry in academic circles for professors and PhD candidates to assert the converse theorem:  “No; it isn’t!”

The Republicans have adapted the Python-esque attitude regarding the possibility that global warming will kill off all the polar bears (even the massive colony of expat white bears living in zoos around the world?) by disqualifying any scientific preditions designed to elicit sympathy for the gigantic brutes.

The Democrats have embraced the challenge in such a wholehearted and enthusiastic way that some observers are alarmed about the possibility that the Democrats are showing symptoms of addiction in their compulsive responses to the Republican invitations to put aside substantive topics and, instead, waste some campaign time by continually injecting new scientific information into the argument which, by the Republican ground rules, automatically disqualifies the material that is (in the Republicans’ august opinion) worthy of a room of its own in the Mad Scientists Hall of Fame.

Here is a hypothetical transcript of how to play the game:

Dem:  A new scientific report says that all polar bears will drown because the polar ice cap is melting.

Rep:  Where does it say that in the Bible?

Dem:  But if you read the report, surely, you will admit that without a polar ice cap, the polar bears will soon disappear form this earth.

Rep:  Don’t call me Shirley. 

Dem:  So you don’t care if all the polar bears drown? 

Rep:  Polar bears are known for their remarkable long distance swimming ability, polar bear skeletons have been found on Samoa.  (Republicans are not confined to reality.  For Democrats, truth is a self imposed restriction limiting their retorts.)

Dem:  Don’t you care about Global Warming?

Rep:  If you could prove it exists, I most certainly would, but for now, I think it’s like the “theory” that if I flap my arms fast enough, I’ll start to fly.  Aren’t scientists the ones who say that, according to the laws of aerodynamics, bees can’t fly?

Dem:  I’ll do anything I have to, to prove that Global Warming really exists.

Rep:  Anything? . . . ?

Dem:  Science has proved conclusively that global warming is occurring and that polar bears are in peril. 

Rep:  No!  It doesn’t!

Here’s a suggestion for Democrats who want to argue logically and simultaneously break out of their addiction to the Monty Python game:  issue this challenge:  given the fact that you don’t believe in Global Warming because you don’t’ believe in science, how about this:  The Democratic Party will build you a World Headquarters for the Science Skeptics (AKA the Republican elite SS Society) Association on the atomic proving ground’s “Ground Zero” conveniently located close to Las Vegas!  Whatcha say?  Free! 

At that point the Republicans would face a philosophic crisis.  They must accept the dare because if they decline the offer, the discussion will then put them on the defensive.  If they want to decline the offer based on any scientific reasons, then they have been  proven to be hypocrites; if they decline and attribute it to “common sense,” then they can be asked what common sense tells them about the photos that show a shrinking polar icecap.  If they don’t believe in photos; ask them if you can buy all their family album photos, home movies, and negatives.  Do they use family snapshots to remind themselves that grandpa and grandma really existed (and looked groovy in their youth?)?  If they don’t believe in photographic evidence, then they don’t need family snapshots and should jump at the chance to sell them off.  Isn’t offering a Republican a chance to make some easy money just like offering a drink to an alcoholic?

If they accept the offer, the Democrats should use reconciliation to get legal permission to build such a facility and then they should build it and turn it over to the Republican Society of Science Skeptics.

If the Democrats wanted to use methodology as mean and crooked as the Republicans utilize, they might want to run ads showing victims of disabilities acquired by fighting in territory where Agent Orange was used.  The spokesmen could then say that only scientists disapproved of using Agent Orange and that there was absolutely nothing in the Bible that would indicate that there was any reason to avoid waging war with or living where it had been used for defoliation.  Has the use Agent Orange been abandoned in the Bush Wars just because of scientific evidence?  (Have you noticed that there are no trees or vegetables growing in the Tora Bora pass?)

What does the Bible say about accepting this generous offer (a free headquarters building on Ground Zero) from the Democrats?  Did any polar bears offer to testify at the Scope’s Trial?

Question:  If Bible thumping conservatives are diagnosed with cancer do they seek help by going to an African witch doctor or do they head for an American doctor who relies heavily on science?  What does the Bible say about chemo-therapy?  Shouldn’t Republican Christians turn down any and all recommendations for such cancer treatments? 

The Global warming circular argument might, in the final inning, boil down to an old Republican election slogan’s advise:  “If God meant for man to fly; He would have given him wings!”  Amen, brother!

Now, the disk jockey will play the Foreigner’s song “Blinded by Science,” Thomas Dolby’s “She Blinded Me With Science,” and Elvis’ “Viva Las Vegas.”  Whew, we need to go take a reinvigorating look at some photos taken back when it was clever to ask a girl:  “Wanna see my Walmetto?”  Have a “Sock it to me!” type week.

A bipartisan State of the Union drinking game

As readers of Eric Boehlert’s book, “Bloggers on the Bus: How the Internet Changed Politics and the Press,” know, online pundits have, since the very beginning, done their best to promote and praise (then Senator now President) Barry Obama and to respectfully offer clear perceptive and cogent advice to him, as needed.  Somebody should point out that perhaps the “your game, your rules, I’ll win” crowd would like it if the President did take the Republican advice to show bipartisanship during his term in office and then used it to his own advantage.

As the history of the Obama legend continues to unfold, it will be with great pride that members of the Obamanaires Choral Club sing his praises as the historic first year of the Age of Obama comes to a conclusion.  During the State of the Union address, the bloggers can give him an “Amen!” loud and clear when it is appropriate.

Any rapscallion, who dares to blaspheme with an expostulation of the “you lie” sort, during the President’s oration, should be given short shift and immediately be provided a chance to endorse a bipartisan approach to the “don’t taze me, bro” school of stifling free speech.  Using the stun gun during the State of the Union speech would be a valuable, commendable example of giving the use of electronic crowd control a bi-partisan (who you calling bi?) endorsement.  Why should the Republicans be the only ones who can shush dissent with a tazer gun?  The use of the megawatt baton should not be granted a pass by the passive aggressive Bush supporters, who previously enthusiastically greeted the “zap ‘em early and zap ‘em often” methodology for the effective elimination of dissenting points of view.  The use of tazers should also be available to Democratic Presidents.

If any surviving members of the SA brownshirts use their trademark disruptive behavior on Wednesday during the State of the Union Address, then this columnist respectfully suggests that they be sent to Guantanamo to be given an unprecedented opportunity to compare their group’s use of coercive questioning methods versus America’s “this will hurt me more than you” selective questioning augmented by the sparse use of physically induced psychological encouragement to “answer the f*****g question” type humanitarian interrogations. 

It is to be assumed that the Republicans will listen attentively and respectfully on Wednesday night to provide a textbook perfect example of how the Democrats should behave when, after winning the 2012 election President Dick Cheney gives his first State of the Union Address in January of 2014.  (Unless the Dickster croaks before then and he has to be replaced by Vice President Jeb Bush.)

Don’t the teabag fondlers (make that word “founders”) provide the teabaggers with the best legal defense team that they (the Koch Brothers) can afford?  [Are they related to Fred Koch who helped form the John Birch Society?]  Why don’t they encourage the Democrats to use disruptive commotions at Republican events?  Isn’t it just another example of free speech at work?

Wednesday’s State of the Union address will provide the President with a marvelous opportunity to elaborate on just how sending additional troops to Afghanistan exemplifies the old hippie adage of “More is Less.”  Isn’t it logical to conclude that the more troops you send to a war the less chance the bad guys will have of winning?

The State of the Union address on Wednesday would be grand opportunity for a discussion of labor relations tactics that the President intends to use. 

How will President Obama handle the sit-down strike by the Republicans in the Senate?  Will he see it more like the 1936 General Motors strike or will he use more strident measures as Ford did during the 1932 workers protests?  It is to be assumed that a Democratic President would be more lenient with the workers (striking Republican Senators) than Ford management was.  Didn’t the Republicans endorse the Ford solution to recalcitrant workers?  Isn’t turnabout fair play?

Did some teabagger in the back of the room just yell:  “<a href = http://www.history-ontheweb.co.uk/concepts/concept72_gleichschaltung.htm >Gleichschaltung</a> now!”?  Shouldn’t they actually fear that restarting such a drastic measure for the elimination of the most pesky members of an opposing party might work against them?

What would the Democrats do if, during the speech, the Republican Senators lock arms and try to drown out the President’s words by singing:  “We shall overcome!”?

Fretting about any disrespectful expression of Republican dissent is an irrelevant way to pass the time because all red blooded patriotic Americans know that the principle of “it can’t happen here” was firmly established in the American culture during one of Franklin D. Roosevelt’s many terms in office.

Speaking of respectful dissent, the recent revelations about Paul Harvey’s close association with FBI director J. Edgar Hoover, reminded this columnist of the old days when, while listening to Harvey’s enthusiastic response to the shootings at Kent state, a reliable source proclaimed that all German Shepherds are Republicans and that obscure fact explained that breed’s wholehearted commitment to the suppression of student uprisings on campus following “the Age of Camelot” years. 

Barron Siegfried L. von Richthofen was the greatest dog who ever lived and therefore it must be assumed that when it came to canine matters, he was infallible.  He supported President Richard Nixon and he was relentless in his assertion that “Extremism in the defense of law’n’order is no vice.”

Youth must be served (provided they can show photo ID proof of age) and so for any adolescent members of the audience reading this attempt at audience “warm up,” it would be best if this columnist were to add to the eager anticipation of Wednesday night’s speech by devising a way to transmogrify it into an opportunity to conduct a bipartisan drinking game. 

Brits might easily adapt (since it will be about 2 a.m. in London when the speech is seen on satellite TV) the game of “Yee-HAAA!” to the occasion.  For Americans we will submit this suggestion:  Every time the TV cameras show Republicans applauding, Democrats may take a slug from the whisky bottle.  If, heavens forfend, there is any unseemly Republican disruption, the Democrats playing the game must chug what remains in the whisky bottle and cry:  “Aye, lad, there’s the rub!” 

Republicans, when they catch themselves going on auto-pilot and giving knee-jerk reaction applause, must take a dignified sip of family values approved sarsaparilla and exclaim:  “Bless his heart!”  If, at any time, the Republicans spontaneously erupt into a standing ovation, they must drain the remaining portion from the whisky bottle and cry:  “Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!”

This bit of wisdom was related to us in our college days (and attributed to Senator Huey Long):  “Not drunk he is, who from the floor, can rise alone and still drink more; but drunk he is who prostrate lies, with power to neither drink or rise.” 

Now, the disk jockey will play Ernest Tubb’s “Pass the Booze,” Frank Sinatra’s “One more for my baby (and one more for the road),” and Jerry Lee Lewis’s “Drinking wine Spo-dee-oh-dee.”   (Hat tip to <a href = http://barstoolmountain.blogspot.com/2007/05/top-100-drinking-songs.html>Barstool Mountain blog</a>.)  It’s time for us to go and locate a good Irish bar in Berkeley, which will feature the speech on their TV.  Have a “tonight the bottle let me down” type week.

Banalysis and Fox News

Expecting fair and balanced commentary about the President’s State of the Union Speech from any source owned by Rupert Murdock brings to mind the old folk axiom:  If you keep going to conservative subsidized media for unbiased punditry then you probably enjoy hanging upside-down in a straightjacket more than Houdini did. 

It seemed natural to expect conservative media to hear the President’s speech and immediately follow it with Bill O’Reilly (speaking <em>ex catherdra</em>) telling the audience that all across America folks were recoiling in horror at what they had just heard. 

Certain comedians (on Fox) can do the instantaneous mind reading and extrapolate the meaning so quickly and smoothly that they put Carnac the Magnificent to shame.  It takes an added measure of chutzpa for them to sell their snake oil cure propaganda as a miraculous medical breakthrough, but money breeds contempt and exorbitant paychecks make it worthwhile for the fabulous charlatans in the quote journalism world unquote to say what they are paid to say. 

For a columnist lacking in mind reading prowess the only way to report on how the speech went over, seemed to be to go to an Irish bar and watch the viewer reactions there. 

At the gin mill we selected, the audience telegraphed their response by chanting: “Jobs, jobs, jobs” before the President said the first word of the speech.

President Obama has been reported to be an excellent orator, but seeing that after ten minutes he lost the audience, could only indicate that this wasn’t one of his best spellbinding efforts.  If the folks in an Irish bar aren’t paying close attention to his every word, then calling it good oratory seems a bit inaccurate. 

One fellow in the bar noted that in California, not only are jobs a hot agenda item, but the fact that a computer glitch has been holding up his unemployment checks from December and this is causing him extensive grief (up to and including three heart attacks in one day [one at home, two in the emergency room]) and thus made employment the only topic he wanted to hear.   

Some good Samaritans have helped him with loans to cover his rent, but the thing that really frosts him is that even though his checks for mid and late December have yet to be delivered, his W-2 form has arrived and it considers them paid out and taxable. 

It’s interesting to note that a computer glitch had played hob with the paychecks for teachers in the Los Angeles School District recently.  Is “computer glitch” the Internet version of the old cliché “the check is in the mail” excuse?  Gees if the Republican governor has run things down to that extent, why doesn’t he just explain that he inherited some very bad computer hardware from the previous Democratic governor and thus “the governator” is blameless?  

Anther guy in the bar was a fellow of Chicano heritage (he was a roadie for a rock band composed mostly of Irishmen and hence he is knowledgeable about all the <em>pugue mahone</em> topics) who was concerned about the fact that he is owed money from his days of service in Vietnam and thinks that doesn’t augur well for the members of the military who are being injured in the Middle East now.

The bar tender (is a woman called a bar tenderess?) noted that half of her customers are in need of jobs and the only thing they wanted to hear the President say was what his plans are to stimulate the economy and create jobs.  Anything else is just what the Irish call blarney. 

Since the Great Depression coincided with the Prohibition era, the effect of hard times on taverns then and now can’t be computed accurately.

The bar didn’t stay tuned for the Republican rebuttal.  Gees if you can’t peddle malarkey to the denizens of an Irish bar, who are those folks who do tune in to it?

So how did the post game show on Fox go?  Did they have a St. Paul moment and shower his performance with superlatives or was it just their usual golden shower of negativity?

It seems that if a columnist assumes that the Fox Hounds followed the corporate directives and delivered the traditional dog and pony show actually monitoring their bullshit would be a waste of time and effort.  On the other hand, if it wasn’t a stellar presentation of classic conservative brain farts, then our crystal ball may be in need of an overhaul. 

Quite likely the conservative response followed their regular game plan:  show Obama to be ineffective (Thank you Republican sit-down strikers in the Senate), weak on defense (What we still haven’t bombed Iran?), and almost effeminate (How many Republicans in the audience underscored that point by having a purple heart pinned on their business suits over their hearts?  [Who has won more Medals of Honor?  Women or Republican men?  One woman has been awarded a Medal of Honor, but uncando (that is a real word if you remember AP speak for use on inter bureau teletype messages) the statistics for how many Republicans have]). 

After the electronic voting machines are used again this fall to deliver a revocation of Obama’s majority in both the House and Senate, (Look for the sit-down strike to expand into the House when the Fall elections are micromanaged to the Republicans’ advantage.) the Fox Follies will go to a two year long two minute drill by delivering a non-stop avalanche of disapproval that will come perilously close to overt racism.  (If you want to fact check that observation, call Karl Rove and ask him if that’s not the Republican game plan for the two years from November of this year until Election Day in 2012.  Double dog dare you to ask Mr. Rove that question!)

[Can you imagine what it’s like to live near an Irish bar?  It must be like having a home next to a Texas high school while a Friday night home game is being played by the football team!]

The State of the Union speech on TV, at this particular location, was followed by a poetry slam and we learned some news about the contemporary poetry scene.  Snapping your fingers to show approval of a poem has been morphed into an expression of the opposite reaction.  Somehow the beatnik show of enthusiasm is now a way of showing disapproval.  They say “snap him off the stage.”

The old matches or lighters in the air phenomenon has taken an evolutionary step forward via technology and these days the light from a cell phone is more appropriate than the antediluvian fire danger use of flames. 

Youngsters on the internet have invented the word “banalysis” to indicate some trite, predictable assessments that can be expected in lieu of insightful and thought provoking evaluations.  Does the dictionary have a picture of Fox News illustrating the entry for that new word?

The Republican reaction to any Obama speech past, present or future can best be summarized by the old, old Readers Digest anecdote’s punch line:  “I don’t have to drink the whole bottle to know that it’s vinegar.”

Now, the disk jockey will play Harry Gibson’s song “Who put the Benzedrine in Mrs. Murphy’s Ovaltine,” the Irish Rovers’ song “Bridgit Flynn,” and Dennis Day’s song “Clancy Lowered the Boom.”  It’s time to go find a four leaf clover.  Have a KFRC induced “Turn on, tune in, flash back” type week.

Does GWB belong in the Existentialists Hall of Fame?

If you think that it is highly likely that it will be a very long time until the Republicans and Democrats agree on anything whatsoever, then there is an experiment you should try.  If you make a serious suggestion that former President George W. Bush deserves a place of honor in the Existentialists Hall of Fame; Democrats will want to tar and feather you, and Republicans will form a lynch mob.  Both will be very adamant and be in full agreement that you shouldn’t say that.

The Republicans are trying so hard to disavow any hints of <em>elitisim</em> in their agenda and conduct and, instead, want to do the branding necessary to firmly establish their political party as a populist movement that only wants to improve the lot of the union worker and the bank clerk.  There’s a rumor (which is being started right here) that the theme song for the Next Republican National Convention will be the Rolling Stones rendition of “Salt of the Earth.”

A Republican consulting firm has established the guiding principle that more Americans like corn than caviar. 

The concept of lumping George W. Bush in with the likes of French Intellectuals such as Albert Camus and Jean-Paul Sartre will be sufficient to send most of Ronald Reagan’s disciples staggering off to the nearest emergency room (where all immigrants and some Americans get free medical services?).

Democrats, on the other hand, will recoil in horror at any hint of seriousness in the suggestion that George W. Bush is an Existentialist because it will be misinterpreted to mean that they think that you think George W. Bush was smart enough to be ranked as a genius deserving a place alongside the likes of Camus or Sartre.  The Democrats will react as quickly and as energetically as a bull at the rodeo when the gate is opened. 

It would be easier to preach the gospel of Ferdinand at a bull fight than it would be to get the Hartman, Maddow, and Malloy fans to second the idea that Bush was an outstanding example of Existentialism in action.  Note the words “in action.”  Isn’t a part of Existentialism the “to be is to do” school of thought?  If George W. Bush instinctively acted in an Existential way, without bothering to put “<em>Being and Nothingness</em>” on his famed reading list, then he was an Existentialist and thus eligible for membership in the Existentialists Hall of Fame.

Didn’t 43 cause a ruckus when he casually mentioned that “Le Stranger” was on his reading list?

On the web site for Princeton University this definition of an existentialist will be found:  “a philosopher who emphasizes freedom of choice and personal responsibility but who regards human existence in a hostile universe as unexplainable.”  So Bush and Cheney decide they gonna kick Saddam’s ass, they get a convenient excuse, they replace a Congressional Declaration of War with a clause in the doctrine of Executive Privilege, they replace the Chancellor-for-life title with Commander-in-Chief, and then when the war goes into extra innings, they hide behind a tsunami of “no one could have possibly forseen” bullshit, and if that doesn’t fit the definition of Existentialist, then this columnist had better start singing the song  with the line about “gimme three steps towards the door.”

In “The Rebel,” Camus wrote:  “The advocate of crime really only respects two kinds of power: one, which he finds in his own class, founded on the accident of birth, and the other by which, through sheer villainy, an underdog raises himself to the level of the libertines of noble birth whom Sade makes his heroes.”  Do you seriously think, if Camus were alive today, that he would be doing political punditry for Fox.  They just couldn’t hire the man who said:  “A free press can, of course, be good or bad, but, most certainly without freedom, the press will never be anything but bad.”

Camus again:  “I have seen people behave badly with great morality and I note every day that integrity has no need of rules.”  Does that mean that sidestepping the Geneva conventions and leading the Christians for Torture posse qualifies Dubya for membership in the Existentialists Hall of Fame?  Isn’t the Bush Family motto:  “Fuck your rules!”?

“When one has served in a war, one hardly knows what a dead man is, after a while. And since a dead man has no substance unless one has actually seen him dead, a hundred million corpses broadcast through history are no more than a puff of smoke in the imagination.”  Isn’t it obvious that George W. Bush would concur completely with that Camus quote?  When one has served as a pilot in an Air National Guard unit that can’t provide the type of aircraft that one had been trained to fly, doesn’t that leave the fellow free to choose to become the Commander-in-chief and thus be free of messy encumbrances derived from dead bodies?

George W. Bush might not agree that he is an existentialist, but most of the existentialists also rejected the suggestion that they be dumped into that category.

Sartre said:  “Man is nothing else but what he makes of himself. Such is the first principle of existentialism.”  Thus if a man becomes the Commander-in-Chief by fiat of the United States Supreme Court, that’s just as good and better than being elected by the voters.

Can we get a witness from Nietzsche?  In “<em>Thus Spoke Zarathustra</em>,” Nietzsche said:  “But thus I counsel you, my friends: Mistrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful. They are people of a low sort and stock; the hangman and the bloodhound look out of their faces. Mistrust all who talk much of their justice! Verily, their souls lack more than honey. And when they call themselves the good and the just, do not forget that they would be Pharisees, if only they had – power.”  Sometimes, by God, they get it!

So would that be referring to the members of the Bush family?

When Camus said “You know what charm is:  a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question” was he referring to the Dubya challenge to America:  “Come on, what say, we invade Iraq!”?

Wasn’t saying “I’m the decider” tantamount to openly declaring himself to be an Existentialist of the highest rank and thus qualified to be considered for a place in the Existentialists Hall of Fame?

At this point some readers may challenge the columnist’s credentials to elaborate on the subject of Existentialism.  If a man chooses to call himself an expert on Existentialism; isn’t that sufficient?  Isn’t a self-proclaimed expert on Existentialism a walking, talking personification of the philosophy of “to do is to be”?   Would it be better to get a philosophy professor from Cal Berkeley to fact check this column?  Wouldn’t that be a repudiation of the Republican/Existentialist heroic reliance on the code of self determination?  “If I say this beach is safe to surf; it’s safe to surf! 

It was best said in some graffiti from the Sixties:

Camus:  “To do is to be.”

Sartre:  “To be is to do.”

Sinatra:  “To be, do be, do.”

Now, the disk jockey will play Edith Piaf’s “Non, je ne regretted rien” (Bush’s theme song?), Les Baxter’s “Poor People of Paris,” and Bobby Darren’s “Mack the Knife.”  It’s time for us to cut out.  Have a “le jazz hot” type week.

Is Writ of Habeas Corpus obsolete?

The Liberals, who fret ceaselessly about the idea that if individuals who qualify can be secretly sequestered in Guantanimo then it won’t be long until American citizens will start disappearing, are in for a big adrenaline jolt if and when they learn the particulars of about attorney Richard Fine in Los Angeles.  If that case is ever reported in the New York Times, Time magazine, or the NBC Nightly News, the Liberals are not going to need a laxative for a month or more.

One of the basic precepts of Republican proselytizing and propagandizing is that the enemy (be they al Qadea or Democrats) are never right.   Therefore if the MSM ever report the case, it would be a tacit way of saying that the “Ducky Lucky” branch of the Democrats was right to be alarmed about the detentions in Gitmo.  If they can’t be right then the story is classified as a conspiracy theory generated by a bunch of hysterical enemy sympathizers and thus doesn’t qualify for use on Fox’s hilariously one-sided “fair and balanced” pseudojournalism satire programs. 

The idea that an American lawyer can be put in “coercive confinement” and left without recourse to the writ of <em>habeas corpus</em> might be a concept to discourage tourism in certain remote lands, but Americans are smugly reassure by Republican propagandists:  “It can’t happen here.”  Dick Cheney and Co. would never have done anything to endanger real Americans.

Attorney Richard Fine brought a lawsuit to the courts in Los Angeles for residents of an apartment house in Marina del Rey.  The unincorporated area of Los Angeles County is controlled by the Los Angeles Board of Supervisors.
http://www.argonautnewspaper.com/articles/2004/10/28/news_-_features/marina_del_rey/02case.txt

Fine objected to the fact that the judge received monies from the county of Los Angeles and thus was open to conflict of interest factors which might affect the judge’s ability to remain unbiased about the case.  The money is a supplement added by the county of Los Angeles to the basic wage they receive from the US government for their services in the courts.  The extra money is justified by the assertion that they need the extra cash to live and work in the Los Angeles area. 

Perish the thought that the extra money could sway any judicial decisions in any case involving the county of Los Angeles.  If (hypothetically) such a case were to be put on the docket, the lawyer could ask the judge to recuse (step aside from the case) himself because of the conflict of interests. 

When a lawyer (Richard Fine) was faced with the necessity to ask a judge to do so for a case involving an apartment house in Marina del Rey, which is under the jurisdiction of the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors, the judge refused the request to recuse.

One thing led to another and the lawyer was disbarred and held in contempt and placed in “coercive custody.”  In essence that meant that if he cried “Uncle!” and dropped the case, he would be free to leave jail and go home.

[Note:  Many of the links for any online material which would explain the lawyer’s plight will mostly lead to the one site http://www.fulldisclosure.net/.  Leslie Dutton has been covering the story since the beginning.] 

This columnist has (because of doing some volunteer work for the Marina (del Rey, CA) Tenants Association), accepted collect calls from Mr. Fine, which were offered on the collect basis as originating from a prisoner in the Los Angeles County jail. 

Since the columnist has spoken to the prisoner at length, it became obvious that if a publication of the stature of (for instance) the New York Times were to do a story on Richard Fine, they most likely would assign a reporter who was also a lawyer, to cover the complex legal maneuvers necessitated by the case. 

The Los Angeles County Sheriff has not responded to the attorney’s attempt to be granted his write of habius corpus rights.    

A Los Angeles Time writer (somehow) gained access to the prisoner for an interview for a story. 

Leslie Dutton’s request to Sheriff Bocca for an interview has been denied.

(Wouldn’t the New York Time be anxious (if only on a sophomoric prank level) to do a story spotlighting the preferential treatment their West Coast colleagues were granted and that the TV show was denied?)  

Fine was disbarred and in March of 2009, was ordered to be put in a cell until he dropped his objections to the possibility that the pay bonus added by the County of Los Angeles, might have had an derogatory influence on the presiding judge.  In the meantime, in Sacramento, the state legislature passed (on an emergency priority basis) a law which (allegedly) granted retroactive immunity to the judges should any appearance of impropriety be raised.  Some information is available online by doing a Google search for “SBX 211.”  Or go to http://www.myinnertransformation.com/files/j30-Fineletter2.pdf

The Los Angeles Newspaper, the Daily Journal, devoted to coverage of all news in their area about judicial issues, is monitoring the Richard Fine case and has posted some information on their blog.

Judicial Watch has covered the Fine case.

If Fine remains adamant and refused to recant and if the judge continues to keep Fine in jail, the case could  become a modern version of the Prisoner of Chillon story, which would, if it became widely reported in the pro-Liberal mainstream media (which presumably is relentless in their effort to find stories which will delight Democratic Party members and simultaneously infuriate Republicans) would cause a massive “see we tried to warn you” reaction from the Democrats who have continuously and strenuously objected to the Bush solution to “enemy combatants” as the start of an alarming trend. 

One other aspect of the continuing debate about the rights of prisoners, which seems to have also slipped below the nation’s journalistic radar screen is a recent trial balloon statement that California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger casually mentioned recently was a possibility that it might save money to use prisons in Mexico to house Californians found guilty of crimes and worth of a jail sentence.   Why didn’t Fox or the pro-Liberal media mention this?  Is there any danger that any such efforts to outsource the detention of prisoners would have a downside?

On the other hand, wouldn’t Fox be delighted with the prospect of being able to cover the plight of any Democratic politician who might suffer the fate of a jail term that would be served south of the border?  Wouldn’t Fox relish the advantage that would arise should any Democratic politician facing such a fate and be reluctant to serve a jail term in Mexico?  Wouldn’t Fox assert that any such objections smacked of hypocrisy on the part of the Democrats?

Curiously, a Los Angeles Times gained access to the prisoner for a story, but reporter Leslie Dutton, of Full Disclosure, has been denied her request for a similar opportunity for an interview with the lawyer while he remains in custody.

Fine is approaching the first anniversary of the start of his period of “coercive confinement.”  He has submitted various legal motions including a petition to the Los Angeles County Sheriff asking for his writ of habius corpus rights.  Fine has received no reply.  It has been traditional under some obscure clause in a thing called the Magna Carta (from Great Britain!) for prisoners in the country which evolved from British colonies, to be entitled to such a reply.  (Yeah, yeah, yeah go cry on the King’s shoulder.)

In early 2009, the California legislature passed an emergency measure to retroactively cover the judges’ interests.  Unfortunately in the hast to pass the measure, a bit of a bit of “crack in the floor” unfortunate wording may have provided Fine with the basis for taking his particular case into “extra innings” (i.e. “all the way to the Supreme Court”).

Most county jails are used for periods of confinement of less than a year’s duration, and so the Fine team may now be pinning their hopes of release on a technicality that could work in the prisoner’s favor.  A question of basic rights may occur if Fine is transferred to a prison without any specific sentence time.

[Here, for any blogger or New York Times reporter, who is just starting to do some fact finding about this new aspect of the old “debtor’s prison” concept of confinement, are some links to some online material which might be of assistance in getting a handle on this complex legal issue.

Jan 2009 Victoria Kim story link
http://articles.latimes.com/2009/mar/05/local/me-contempt5

Kim jail interview link
http://www.fox40.com/news/headlines/theissues/ktxl-news-issues-judicialbias0607,0,206146.story

Leslie Dutton denied interview link
http://news.findlaw.com/prnewswire/20100129/29jan20100600.html

Link to story about L. A. judges pay
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2009/06/la-judges-agree-to-voluntary-pay-cuts.html]

[Note:  Yes the html is sloppy, but working on a portable laptop that' running out of battery juice, in a public library does have its limitations.  Sorry!]

The Republican defenders of Freedom may well (and ironically) endorse “coercive confinement” for dissenters.  Isn’t it sad that “The Disappeared” may be a new aspect of life for those living in the Land of the Free?

In “The Prisoner of Chillon,” Lord Byron wrote:
“I learn’d to love despair.
And thus when they appear’d at last,
And all my bond aside were cast,
These heavy walls to me had grown
A hermitage – and all my own!
And half I felt as they were come
To tear me from a second home”

Now, the disk jockey will play Johnny Paycheck’s “11 Months and 29 Days,” the Kingston Trio’s “Everglades” and the thought of getting out of jail necessitates that the DJ also play David Allen Coe’s “You Don’t Have to Call Me ‘Darlin’,’ Darlin’.”  It’s time for us to go out for a breath of fresh air.  Have a “Stay down, Luke!” type week.

The Cheshire cat billboard

[Note:  <B>Spoiler warning:  Some of Houdini’s methods will be revealed below in this column.  If you don’t want to lose the wonder of “how did he do that?” stop reading this column now</B>.]

Recently, when this columnist saw a used copy of Jim Steinmeyer’s 2003 copyrighted book, “Hiding the Elephant,” for sale, we had a dual motivation for glomming on to it; we’ve always been interested in how to saw a woman in half and there was a chance that, perhaps, if the author explained how Houdini made an elephant disappear, there would be the basis for a column explaining how Generalisimo Bush was able to perform the magic needed to get a gentle and peace loving nation to invading Iraq. 

By page 13, Steinmeyer is extolling the qualities that made Howard Thurston a much more superior magician than Houdini.  He notes the irony of Thurston telling his audience “I wouldn’t deceive you for the world” knowing that they had paid good hard earned dollars just to be there when he did exactly that.

On page 17, all tricks are explained:  “The audience is taken by the hand and led to deceive themselves.”  Ahhhh, now we see how Bush did it.  America had regressed to the days of the Roman gladiators and given Dubya the signal that is copyrighted by Roger Ebert to designate approval for a bloodbath.  (Does Ebert get royalties from the Caesar Agustus family estate?)

When the “Shock and Awe” TV special was being broadcast live; this columnist went to the home of a friend and found him cheering wildly while watching the carnage being delivered.  My buddy has long been a big Ed Gein fan.

Obviously some of the Liberals have been a bit slower than others in accepting the “Immaculate Deception” lesson in their hearts.  President Obama seems to have become hip to the message:  America wanted the war with Iraq. 

Now, as the slow on the uptake Liberals try to object to the use of depleted uranium, because of the allegations of a perceptible increase in birth defects in areas where that substance has been used, they are still trying to use facts and logic to persuade the Conservatives that such material should be banned from the battlefield. 

The Liberals petition the media with requests to delineate the effects that depleted uranium causes.  “Oh, please tell us how Houdini made the Elephant disappear!”  Boys and girls:  “You cannot petition the media with prayers!”  The New York Times public editor will only read letters pertaining to stories that publication has run.  Trying to bring stories that need to be covered to their attention is a “Myth of Sisyphus” task.  Don’t waste your time or his.

This year as the world celebrates another Valentine’s Day, note the complete lack of enthusiasm the media has for the topic of using depleted uranium in the war zones.  Think of it as America’s Valentine’s Day gift to the world.

Steinmeyer notes that Houdini’s appeal was derived from his skill as a master escape artist. 

Walter Gibson wrote books about magic and one in particular explains some of the secrets to Houdini’s escapes.  If you are of a mind to learn all about how magicians work their magic, you can acquire much of that esoteric knowledge, if you read enough books.

If you do go to the trouble of learning the secrets of magic, you will then watch magicians from a completely different viewpoint.  You will pay attention to the way they distract an audience’s attention.  Magician assistants (usually very attractive women in scanty costumes) are called “box jumpers.”  You will appreciate them as showmen and not people who can perform impossible feats.

Sometimes when Houdini was about to perform a dangerous escape, his wife would give him a passionate kiss as a show of support and encouragement.  She would (sometimes) also pass a key from her mouth to his during the steamy public display of affection.

In an effort to show that “there’s nothing hidden up my sleeves,” Houdini would sometimes perform his escapes clad only in shorts which preserved his modesty.  If, for instance, his hands were tied spread eagle fashion to the floor, the audience wouldn’t get to see that he was agile and flexible and could untie knots with his bare feet.  Many people who don’t have hands develop a similar level of agility for using their feet. 

Ohhhhh Kay!  So people want to be fooled and join with my buddy in making a festival setting for watching “Shock and Awe.” 

In other words:  no body gave a fig about the possibility that there were no WMD’s in Iraq.  America wanted to see a tyrant get spanked and the WMD excuse was good enough for them.  The crybaby liberals who fretted about a long and costly war were just trying to run interference for their pet social programs which (obviously) are destined to become metaphorical casualties in a long, expensive war.  Boo-hoo! 

Liberals are decrying the rising costs of a college education.  Wake up, people!  Cannon fodder doesn’t need the chance to be given an affordable college degree.  The sons and daughters of millionaire politicians need not be concerned about such mundane matters as what it costs to go to a fine University.  Hence rising tuition costs are a non-issue.

This year, as the world celebrates another St. Valentine’s Day, there won’t be but a handful of mentions from “bleeding heart liberals” about the use of depleted uranium in Iraq, Afghanistan, and the land where Jesus walked.  Want to know the secret behind that trick?  How can concern for such a serious topic vanish?  Americans don’t care about deformed babies in other countries. 

Young folks recently were reminded that the movie “Love Story” spawned the popularity for the line “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”  War crimes trials?  Hell, no!  Not even an apology.  (Did you see the photos of the “<a href = http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2010/02/bush_miss_me_yet_billboard_is.html>

Do you miss me yet?</a>” billboard?)

Now, the disk jockey will play “Please Mr. Custer,” “Bless ‘em all” (ask a WWII vet about the way they changed that song’s lyrics) and “Praise the Lord and Pass the ammunition.”  Now, it’s time to say abracadabra and disappear.  Have a week full of magic and wonderment.

Imagining Lenny Bruce on Fox News

It was about six o’clock in the evening of February 9, 2010, the sun was gone and there was a threat of hard rain in the cold crisp air of the Berkeley evening.  I was wearing powder-blue jeans with a dark blue T-shirt, black sneakers, and black socks.  I was neat, clean, shaved and sober and I didn’t care who knew it.  I was on my way to the Pacific Film Archive to see “Pull My Daisy” written and narrated by Jack Kerouac.

In a video introduction, film maker Alfred Leslie told the audience about a time when the film was just being shown for the first times.  In San Francisco, Lucius Beebe hosted a social event, at a restaurant he owned, for the beat poet/novelist and the film maker.  Leslie told about how the two were sulking at the bar when actor David Niven arrived and was escorted to a table which would obviously be the social hub for the evening’s activities.  Niven quickly invited Kerouac and Leslie to sit at his table and immediately offered a toast for the guests of honor.  It was at that point, according to Leslie’s anecdote, the film maker and writer both realized that they had just been anointed into San Francisco’s high society and had graduated up from the ranks of the bikers, beatniks and bay area bohemians. 

Kerouac and Alan Ginsberg had been Berkeley residents and so we wondered if any of the graybeards in the audience were living links to the celebrated hitchhiking legend from the past.  We wondered if the Digihitch web site would cover the PFA program.  We were disappointed to note that the proprietor of the Beatnik Museum over in Frisco was, as best as we could tell, missing from the audience. 

“Pull My Daisy” is a specialty item.  The film would not hold much interest for anyone who was not interested in the subject of “The Beats.”  For those who do like that particular era of literary history, the thirty minute long film was a chance to see members of the famed writing group when they were young and vibrant.

On the walk back to the World’s Laziest Journalist Headquarters, we noted that Berkeley had also been a hometown for Philip K. Dick and since he was the author of “The Man in the High Tower,” Berkeley could legitimately make a claim to being where the cottage industry producing fictional alternative history was born. 

[It seems that this columnist is the only person in the universe who thinks that “The Man in the High Tower” accurately predicts the role Hunter S. Thompson would play in the history of the state of Colorado.]

Riffing on the idea of alternative history, we turned our back to Sproul Plaza and started walking down Telegraph Avenue.  We wondered:  If he were still alive would Fox News hire Lenny Bruce as a political pundit?  That idea seemed absurd, which consequently made it seem like something Fox News might try.

Our expectations of Fox News after the midterm elections are that they will increase the level of subtle racism in their attitude towards and coverage of the 44^th President.  How would Lenny Bruce be fitted into such a strategy? 

Wasn’t Bruce a free speech martyr who got arrested and thus became synonymous with a nasty four letter word?  Didn’t George Carlin and the United States Supreme Court collaborate to prove that Bruce’s favorite word had to be bleeped off the airwaves?  Today that word is splashed all over the bleeping Internets and would be of no use to the Fox News game plan.  Unless . . . ?  Is there one word that Bruce could say and maybe get arrested on the air for using?

[Back in the Sixies, this columnist saw a local new reader in the New York City area get arrested on air, for possession, immediately after displaying a marijuana cigarette which had been sent to his station.   It looked a bit contrived.  Why did a cop just happen to be in the TV studio?  Who was that guy?  How did the case play out?]

Let’s see.  Could Bruce get arrested for calling the President a nincompoop, nitwit, nefarious or a nematocyst?  Nope!  Is there some other word that could produce a dramatic freedom of speech arrest of (hypothetically) Lenny Bruce these days?  NNNNNahhh?  Wait, what about if Bruce uttered a one word racial slur?  That might, with a bit of preparation on the Fox News producer’s part, work. 

How would liberals react?  Would they back the attack him or would they defend their darling?  If the Liberals defended Bruce for using the word, they’d look like racists; if they attacked him (in this alternate history case) they’d look like hypocrites.  Either way Fox News could just sit back and chortle. 

Fox likes to lull their audience into a hypnotic state and then download some Republican talking points so that they can be activated later, Manchurian Candidate style.  Lenny Bruce liked to shock and push things to the limit.  Could Fox use Bruce’s psychological quirks and drives to seduce him into their studio to say the most outrageous imaginable thing possible?  Wasn’t his specialty breaking social taboos?  Wasn’t he compelled to be bad when he faced any taboo?  How could the bad boy inside him decline any such invitation from Fox?

WWPKDD?  What would Philip K. Dick do?  It seems like many (most?) of Dick’s tales start with someone going somewhere (just as this column did?) and then running afoul of the fascists in charge of the country.   Their destiny seems to be a doomed existence.  It seems likely that Dick would endorse the idea of Lenny Bruce becoming a free speech martyr again, only this time as a pawn on the set of Fox News for a cause he didn’t believe and to prove the complete reprehensibility of “selling out to the establishment” by doing it.

Ursula K. McGuinn (who was born in Berkeley) has been quoted as saying:  “What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?”

Now, in an effort to prove that he’s a hep cat and familiar with the contemporary music scene, the disk jockey will play Daisy Dares You’s “Number One Enemy,” Me$ha’s  “Kiss and Tell,” and Seasick Steve’s “Cut My Wings.”  It’s time for us to go take a nap.  Have a “you are a card, sir!” type week.

A trip in the Wayback Machine

Since it is slowly becoming obvious that the Bush Administration will accomplish what the Nazis couldn’t (be forgiven for committing war crimes); it seems concomitant to find some other topics for columns to be posted online.  It would be best to come up with topics which will be previously untouched but will proved a “Eurika!” moment/reaction with this site’s regulars.

One hypothetical question which has always been a concern for this columnist has been:  “If you could travel back in time to anyplace to see history happen; where would you be going when (not if) they actually invent and activate the “Wayback Machine”?

At this point we direct readers’ attention to the comments section below.

For this columnist, the first response has always been:  I’d go to Paris to watch the Liberation during WWII occur.

We used to work with a guy who was, according to the judgment of  the other workers, very boring.  We made a specific effort to get to know him hoping that he would have some hidden trove of memories that we could get him to share.  We’ve always been anxious to hear the experiences of the men who fought in WWII.  When this fellow mentioned the Army, we hauled out our verbal questionnaire form.  What theater of operations, what unit, what time frame, etc.

The guy didn’t offer any spectacular possibilities for combat stories.  He had been wounded in action but it wasn’t life threatening.  Then he proved my point by dropping a game winner:  while he was in a military hospital, he and a nurse who spoke French went AWOL and snuck into Paris three weeks after the Liberation.  He succinctly reported “We had a good time.” 

The highlight, according to his reminiscences,  occurred when he went into one of the best restaurants and ordered up a “once in a lifetime” dining experience.  When the bill wasn’t presented, he asked for it.  The waiter explained that it was impossible to present a bill to a member of the very same Army that had Liberated Paris.  Sweet.

One might assume that living in Berkeley wouldn’t offer much possibility for finding some vicarious material for flashbacks to the aforementioned historical series of events that transpired in August 1944.  Thanks to some items found in the Berkeley Public Library book store, such an assumption would be misguided.

In a copy of “By-line:  Ernest Hemingway,” we found (on pages 382 – 3):  “We ran through the road where the munitions dump was exploding, with Archie (his driver), who has bright red hair, six years of regular Army, four words of French, a missing front tooth, and a <em>Frere</em> in a guerrilla outfit, laughing heartily at the noise the big stuff was making as it blew. . .  .

“We were going downhill now, and I knew that road and what we could see when we made the next turn. . . .

“‘Yeah,’ I said.  I couldn’t say anything more then, because I had a funny choke in my throat and I had to clean my glasses because there now, below us, gray and always beautiful, was spread the city I love best in all the world.”

A day or so later, in “Wayward Reporter:  The Life of A. J. Liebling,” we found (pages 4 – 5): “For the first time in my life and probably the last, I have lived for a week in a great city where everybody is happy.  Moreover, since this city is Paris, everybody makes this euphoria manifest.”

We’ve read some of the articles that Albert Camus wrote for <em>Combat</em>, the resistance newspaper, but were surprised to find that Liebling had written a book that critically evaluated the journalism produced in Paris during the Occupation.  Where the heck are we ever going to find a copy of “The Republic of Silence”?  Now we have a reason to go to bookstores.

Somehow George W. Bush thought that the troops he sent into Baghdad would get the same tumultuous reception that the Parisians gave to the American troops who arrived in Paris in 1944.  Unfortunately, Bush miscalculated.  Bush ultimately came off looking like a guy standing in the rain watching his girlfriend and her husband boarding a train that was leaving Paris.

When we started flipping through a recently acquired copy of “Anthology:  Selected essays from the first 30 years of The New York Review of Books,” we came across Bruce Chatwin’s piece titled “An Aesthete at War.”  It tells about the life of Captain Ernst Junger who won Iron Crosses in both World Wars. 

Part of fact finding for our imaginary time travel trip had been a reading of “Is Paris Burning?” many years ago.  “An Aesthete at War” mentions that General Speidel “forgot” the order to V-bomb Paris.  How did we miss that bit of trivia?  It seems that Paris was doubly lucky to survive the Liberation relatively unscathed.  We also just read (In Joseph Harsch’s book about covering WWII?) that the night they left Paris, the Germans did send some airplanes on a bombing raid over Paris’ outskirts.

Junger loved war, but he also loved Paris.  According to Chatwin’s article it seems likely that Rush Limbaugh would cherish Junger’s book about WWI titled “Storm of Steel.” Apparently, if you like war; you will love Junger’s book “Storm of Steel.”  A guy who was wounded 14 times in World War I and then fought again in World War II would be the kind of guy Uncle Rushbo would urge all American kids to emulate.  Uncle Rushbo would agree with the warmonger aspect of Junger’s personality and it isn’t hard to imagine the fat man also wishing for an alternative history where Paris was leveled by the retreating German Army. 

It seems that Dick Cheney will never stand trial for war crimes and that time travel back to the days when the Americans were “the good guys” will never be perfected, but a columnist can dream, can’t he?

Chatwin delivers an occupation era quote from Madame (Mrs. Paul) Morand:  “For me the art of living is the art of making other people work and keeping pleasure for myself.”  (Does Uncle Rushbo need a motto for his radio program?)

Now, we’ll pry the disk jockey away from his transistor radio (where the True Oldies Channel delivers a limited dose of time travel) and have him play “The Last Time I Saw Paris (the song was inspired by the fall of France),” “Paris vor Hundert Jahren” and Waylon Jenning’s song, “He Went to Paris.”  (What?  You were expecting “As Time Goes By”?  The boss don’t like to hear that song.)  It’s time for us to go do some fact finding about the new John Cusack movie with the intriguing title “Hot Tub Time Machine.”  Have a “filled with those events which alter and illuminate our times” type week.

Was JFK killed by a jealous husband?

[Note:  <B>Conspiracy theories, like astrological forecasts, should be read only for their entertainment value.  They belong in the file labeled:  “fictionalized speculation.”</B>]

When the <a href =http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.persiancarpetguide.com/sw-asia/People/images/Bio979b.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.persiancarpetguide.com/sw-asia/People/Bio979.htm&usg=__Oo69s5ul60HR42Farel-aYxK0Ks=&h=460&w=350&sz=12&hl=en&start=5&itbs=1&tbnid=Ik_OtbFcZmg6zM:&tbnh=128&tbnw=97&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dayatollah%2Bkhomeini%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DX%26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D20%26tbs%3Disch:1> Ayatollah Khomeini</a> shot to the top of the current events chart for his shenanigans in Iran, it seemed to this columnist, like we had seen him before.  One day while plowing through our massive collection of totally irrelevant cultural events file, we stumbled upon a photo of   <a href =http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.notablebiographies.com/images/uewb_05_img0359.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.notablebiographies.com/Ho-Jo/Hughes-Howard.html&usg=__BBjkrBJen7eP89Bg3P5ns1a-f2A=&h=279&w=228&sz=9&hl=en&start=39&itbs=1&tbnid=iLpRV3HA5ndPWM:&tbnh=114&tbnw=93&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dhoward%2Bhughes%26start%3D20%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D20%26tbs%3Disch:1>Howard Hughes</a>.

Voila!  It wasn’t just one of those identical twins separated at birth things; it was a “same guy, different photos at different ages” type deal (IMHO).  Just compare a photo of the Ayatollah and one of Hughes.  Note the similarity of the folds in the ears, the nostrils, and the eyes. Eliminatory, my dear Watson, it’s obviously the same guy in different stages in his life.

We asked around.  No one had ever seen Howie (we used to live in Marina del Rey, which has Hughes Aircraft as an adjacent neighbor) and the Ayatollah in the same room at the same time. 

“Lois, have you ever noticed how Clark Kent always misses being able to write an eyewitness account of Superman’s greatest feats?”  Nudge, nudge.  Wink, wink.  If you know what we mean.

We tried our best to pedal our theory to the mavens of contemporary American culture but alas we garnered as much attention as a voice crying in the wilderness would.

If a conspiracy theory (CT) is to flourish, it has to be theoretically possible.  You can’t go for stories about the captain of the Titanic being found 60 years later with his pipe still lit.  You have to cook up something that just might squeak by on a level of marginal feasibility.

We went back to the drawing board.

James Dean and Elvis were rumored to be still alive long after their deaths had been reported in the news media.  So we asked our self:  How much documentation was there for the death of Che Guevara? 

What if he had promised to turn states evidence and rat out his amigos in the Cuban Revolution in return for amnesty?  Could he have been taken in to the “Witness Protection Program” and given some phony ID and a few bucks to start life over after allegedly being “shot down in an attempt to flee”? 

We came up with a mental image of Che being on a city council in a small University somewhere in California and fighting with the college kids.  (Gosh now that we live in such a city, maybe one of these Tueday nights, we should skip Qi Gong class and attend a city council meeting?)

We ran this bit of unsubstantiated speculation past a high school buddy, several years ago, and he did his best to refute our theory.  He reassured us that he personally had seen a photo on the desk of the guy who worked next to his that showed Che dead on the ground.  Our good buddy mumbled some esoteric exotica about JM/Wave, Ted Shackley, Phat City, and the like as his evidence to substantiate his claim that Che was buried in Bolivia. 

We countered that this guy, whom he called Felix Rodriguez, was most likely in on the ruse and had agreed to pose with Che’s prone figure for the photographic proof that the revolutionary had been mortally wounded while attempting to flee.  (Didja know that in the days of B&W movies Hershey’s chocolate syrup was often used to simulate blood?)  In return, we asserted, Che spilled the beans about such things as the kidnapping of Juan Manuel Fangio and other historic Cuban events which preceded Fidel’s putsch. 

Now that photoshopping changes are readily available to any photographer with the bucks to buy the program and a lap top where he can run it, photographs are (to the best of our knowledge) no longer accepted as evidence in any court proceedings.

We used to work with an ad sales rep who, we adamantly asserted, used an assumed identity that had been provided by the witness protection program folks.  They had assisted her in the efforts to erase all traces of her life as “Eva Braun.”  She did a Dr. Strangelove-like denial of the idea.

Our efforts to dabble in a one man plot to concoct something that would be described as a cutting edge conspiracy theory that belongs in the Conspiracy Theory Hall of Fame pale in comparison to what we have recently found on online.  We were Googling around with things like “Blond Ghost” and “Dealey Plaza” when we stumbled on the most outrageous conspiracy theory we’ve ever encountered in a lifelong fascination with conspiracy theories for fun and profit.

If we couch the views in the form of a question that means that this columnist doesn’t personally substantiate their wild assertions.  We just want to bring some new theories to the attention of the people who are connoisseurs of concocted conjecture.

Cub reporters are always urged, for legal reasons, to pepper their stories with words like “allegedly,” “reportedly,” “assert,” and to inundate the readers with phrases like “according to a police spokesman,” and “unsubstantiated conjecture.” 

So we were sure that we found the next candidate for the Conspiracy Theory Hall of Fame when we found folks asking:  “Was George W. Bush’s real father JFK?”  They follow that up by asking “Did George H. W. Bush, play the role of jealous husband, and hire killers to rub him out in Dallas?”

Their wild assertions do seem to tie up loose ends and nagging question concerning JFK’s assassination in Dallas on November 22, 1963, in an Occam’s razor sort of way.

Folks (not just the good ole boys in Texas) can readily comprehend the “jealous husband” rational for using a gun. 

According to this new way of explaining the Dallas Assassination, the common connecting thread is the CIA.  Here are some links for readers who want to do their own play-along-at-home sleuthing and fact checking about this wild bit of speculation.  (Embedded links seem so Tyler Durdin-ish.)

http://www.aviationbanter.com/showthread.php?t=4080

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://bottleofbits.info/econ/faces/Lf-Ts.jpg&imgrefurl=http://bottleofbits.info/econ/faces/familiar_faces.htm&usg=__ZsOYgQppbwST7wF9SI28FdzQSPQ=&h=64&w=243&sz=9&hl=en&start=19&itbs=1&tbnid=gF8fVyuzydd8bM:&tbnh=29&tbnw=110&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dblond%2Bghost%2Bdealy%2Bplaza%26hl%3Den%26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D20%26tbs%3Disch:1

http://www.waynemadsenreport.com/custom/JFKsealgoss.jpg

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.rumormillnews.com/pix5/bush_kennedy_assassination_dallas_11.22.63.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.rumormillnews.com/cgi-bin/forum.cgi%3Fnoframes%3Bread%3D161548&usg=__uQ0GAzNWQj3DAUbA6WOQ6_uQ6i0=&h=510&w=372&sz=42&hl=en&start=15&um=1&itbs=1&tbnid=jB5qGponYyUeBM:&tbnh=131&tbnw=96&prev=/images%3Fq%3Ddealey%2Bplaza%2Bbarbara%2Bpierce%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26tbs%3Disch:1

If a columnist writes about a new dance craze sweeping the discos, that doesn’t mean he has to be the fellow who “invented” the dance.  It doesn’t mean that he has to be able to do the dance.  It just means that, as a reporter and critic of the contemporary culture, he wants to point out what the latest development in that sphere of culture is.  For those who are fascinated by conspiracy theories, this columnist just wants to bring their wild, intriguing question to the attention conspiracy theory fans.  When it comes to drawing conclusions; you are on your own.

Herb Caen, who has his own room in the (imaginary) Columnists’ Hall of Fame, defended his columnistic style thus (From “Don’t Call it Frisco” Doubleday hardback pages 25 – 26):  “That brings us to the third type – the “scattershot” column, crammed with short items on a variety of subjects.  This kind of column is, obviously, a lot more work, but it attracts a wider audience, at least theoretically.  As that great practitioner of the art, Walter Winchell, once expressed it:  ‘People don’t get bored if you change the subject often enough.’” 

Now, our disk jockey will play:  Jimmy Dean’s song “Big, Bad John,” Dion’s song “Abraham, Martin, and John,” and Tom Clay’s overdubbed version of “What the World Needs Now.”  (It is on Youtube and guaranteed to make surviving hippies weep.)  Now, we gotta skedaddle.  Have a “you’re not gonna believe this . . .” type of week.

Woulda if I coulda

The World’s Laziest Journalist went to the demonstration at UCB on Thursday March 4, 2010 and took some photos.

We’ve sold photos to the AP in the past.

We post photos on Bartcop.

We post photos on Flickr.

We would post some of the news photos on the Daily Kos, but we haven’t mastered the html thingie yet.

If you want to see the photos we would post there if we could go to

http://floppyphotos.wordpress.com

Tune in again same bat blog same bat URL.

“So Rare” vs. “Hound Dog”

Back in the early Seventies, this columnist spent a lot of time on the L. A. freeway system and thus had a goodly amount of time to listen to the radio.  In an effort to prove that our music taste was eclectic, we tuned into a station with the “Music of your life” format.  They played music from the big band era and the intrinsic value was obvious to a listener who had experienced the emergence of “Rock’n’Roll” as a genre that deserved its own chart in Billboard magazine.   

It was not the music which caused us to tune out, back then, it was the ads.  Listening to the nonstop attempts to sell Depends, denture cleaners, denture adhesives, and stool softeners at that stage of life put a definite crimp into the attempt to listen to the music that helped win WWII.  We wanted to stave off the “back in the old days” phase of life for as long as we could.

The start of the Rock Era had some interesting ties to the Big Band Era.  If memory serves correctly the last Big Band hit, Jimmy Dorsey’s “So Rare” fought for the consumer dollar at the same time old “swivel hips” (AKA Elvis the pelvis) was trying to sell a song titled Hound Dog.  If you don’t believe me just ask Casey Kasem. 

[You could look it up online.  “So Rare” was recorded on November 11, 1956.  “Hound Dog” was recorded on July 2, 1956.  (Close enough.)]

As this columnist recalls, Ted Wheems’ “Heartaches,” (featuring the whistling of Elmo Tanner) landed on the top of the pop list in the late forties and again about 1957.  Efforts to substantiate this memory online were inconclusive.

Even the guy who would become famous as the Maytag repairman had a hit back in the late Fifties.  Jess White did “Old Payola Roll Blues.”

Future Country legend Bobby Bare, under the name Bill Parsons, had a hit song, “All American Boy,” that told the story of Elvis.

When Elvis got back from his Army tour of duty in Germany, Frank Sinatra hosted a TV special program to mark “The King’s” return to the good old USA.  Can you get a CD of that whole show?

At the time those songs were on the pop charts, my parochial school class room overlooked the back yard of a home where, on days when the public school had a day off, I’d see the 16 year old kid who lived there, jump in his shiny new 1957 Thunderbird and roar off into his day of fun and frivolity.  Parochial schools usually had holy days off and the public school kids got more holidays off.

Scranton was quick to jump on the bandwagon for the new music.  Radio station WICK embraced the Rock’n’Roll genre, but it was alleged that the station met budget by playing Polish language programs on Sunday mornings.  We picked up a smidgeon of the language by tuning in early and listening while waiting for their change over back to the Rock and Roll format.  Rival station WARM was also quick to embrace the new music. 

One local TV station (WNEP as I recall)  started to run Dick Clark’s “American Bandstand” program, one whole year before the ABC network offered the Philadelphia based new music dance party to their affiliates across the USA .  Again efforts to substantiate this online were unsuccessful.

We’ve been dredging up our memories of the sentimental songs from the past because of a change in our automatic response to the radio.  We’ve relocated from Los Angeles to the San Francisco bay area and consequently have had to rewire our robotic efforts to use a radio tuning knob.  The old ways don’t work in the new geography.

Goodbye Reverend Dan.  We don’t have to get up at 5 a.m. on Saturday to hear Nimrod News; we can sleep in until 6. 

What could possibly replace:  KXLU, KLAC, Jim Ladd, KMET, Humble Harv, Morgan in the Morning, the too hip guy, news commentary by Marvin E. Quasnicci, and Morning Becomes Eclectic on KCRW?  Scott Shannon and the True Oldies Channel (TOC) format; that’s what.  He’s shaking loose a tsunami of memories and associations that have been dormant for decades.

Scott mentions businesses in the USA where the radio is tuned to the True Oldies Channel.  While pounding out our columns, the radio at the World’s Laziest Journalist’s World Headquarters is almost always (except when Mike Malloy is on) tuned to the local TOC outlet KFRC.  Scott gave us a shout-out! 

Recently he started a new feature on the True Oldies Channel and calls it “The Cheesy, Easy Song of the Day” and we have to fight our urge to send in a million suggestions.  We’ll have to learn to spread out our e-mail suggestions to him. 

If Scott wants the schmaltzy side of Rock History, he’s gonna get so many suggestions we’ve become afraid that we will wear out the welcome mat in front of his e-mail inbox.   Hmm.  Maybe a column with our best suggestions would be a better approach?

Reverand Dan (on L. A.’s KXLU) will play Jim Backus’ “Delicious,” when this caller asks for it, but for years he has declined repeated requests (which might upset his audience emotionally) to play Elvis’s tearjerker song “Old Shep.”  (We worked with a big dog loving Elvis fan who had never even heard of that Elvis track.)   

Since we can halfway remember hearing that particular Elvis track, wouldn’t it be ironic if he picks it for the new feature?  Apparently many of the songs we heard, as a high school student, are being played again in WARMland. 

We’ll summon up our best imitation of the kid in Treasure of Sierra Madre who assured Fred C. Dobbs (Humphrey Bogart):  “It’s a sure winner, mister” and send that suggestion to the True Oldies Channel cheesy suggestion box.

Apparently the new TOC feature has mushroomed in popularity and caught them off guard.  They had to ask listeners to help them reconstruct the complete list of Cheesy Play of the Day selections after it got started.

If the Cheesy Easy Song becomes a contemporary cultural phenomenon (part of the columnist mission is to man the crow’s nest to do some trend spotting) they will have to institute a Cheesy rating system.  Then they’ll need a “Cheesy Song Hall of Fame.” 

[Remember when “Shaving Cream” won Dr. Demento’s weekly competition so many times that he had to remove it from eligibility?  Dr. Demento put it in the Demented Hall of Fame and excluded it from the weekly voting.  Didn’t “Pico and Sepulveda” get a similar treatment?]

After that it will be just a short leap of marketing into the realm of a Scott Shannon’s Greatest Cheesy Songs album.

One man’s novelty tune is another’s sentimental old favorite.  When we were in the Record Finder store in Fremantle and they started to play Johnny Cash’s “Live at Fulsome Prison” album, we just stood there paralyzed until it played all the way through.

Cash’s single, “Boy Named Sue,” had so many emotional associations for us that we could never think of it as a novelty tune.  

Not only do we want to inundate the “Nut Hut” studios with Cheesy Easy suggestions, we also want to petition them with entreaties to play the new feature at the same designated times every day.  We know that the “coming up soon” bit helps keep listeners from doing any station surfing, but we’re hooked on oldies tunes, we ain’t going away unless we have to leave the World’s Laziest Journalist Headquarters for something such as a doctor’s appointment.

And another thing . . . if this becomes their iconic feature, maybe they can get a corporate sponsor for it?  “Who?” you ask?  Gee wouldn’t Kraft Cheese be a natural fit?

Who will Bartlett’s credit with creating this quote:  “If you can remember the Sixties, you weren’t really there.”?  It sounds like something George Carlin would have said 

Now, our own (imaginary) disk jockey will tug at this columnist’s heartstrings by playing:

“As Time Goes By” (oddly enough that song takes this columnist back to a waterfront gin mill in 1969 San Francisco.), “If You’re Going to San Francisco,” “Old Shep,” “Cover of the Rolling Stone,” “Irish Eyes,” “Le Vie en Rose,” “Where Have All the Flowers Gone?,”  Vaughn Monroe’s “Ghost Riders in the Sky,” and Hank William’s  “Poor Ole Kaw-liga.” 

We’ve got to go find a mirror and wipe a speck of dust from our eye.  Have a “I haven’t heard that song in years” type week.

“Money (That’s What I Want!)”

If this column’s headline made you ask:  “Why do the rich folks need my money; they already have millions?,” then you don’t understand the situation and that makes you vulnerable (due to lack of vigilance) and that, in turn, puts you squarely in their economic “cross hairs.” 

If the reader is enjoying good health, does that mean you don’t need more for this afternoon, tomorrow, this week, this month, this year . . . etc.? 

In a moment of candor, a wealthy fellow, who was the supervisor at a place where this columnist worked back in the very beginning of the B. C. (Bush Clan) era, taught this columnist that money is like sex and drugs because “you can never have enough.”  Sherman (he resembled a certain cartoon character) also mentioned, in front of a coworker (we’ll call him J. C.), who was living from paycheck to paycheck, that the most money his grandma could give him tax-free each year was $10,000. 

There were times when, if the aforementioned coworker in dire economic straits was nearby, “our boss” would pull out a stash of his uncashed paychecks and ask “Bob, how long do we have to cash these before they become invalid?”  I’d answer six weeks and then he’d count them and exclaim:  “I better go to the bank and deposit them right now!”  The fellow who needed every cent would then ask the boss why Sherman wouldn’t sign one and give it to a fellow (JC) who needed the money and would get it to fulfill its potential.

Sherman would concede that initially that might sound like a compassionate thing to do, but that ultimately it would remove J. C.’s motivation to work hard, succeed, and improve his own lot in life.

J. C. got a credit card and Sherman noted that the ensuing months would provide a front row seat for the economic equivalent of the spectacle that Romans got when they watched unarmed Christians battle a lion.  A few years later when J. C. filed for bankruptcy, Sherman shed some very realistic crocodile tears. 

Sherman used his grandma’s annual retirement fund contributions to retire before his fortieth birthday.  J. C. became an example for use in the arguments favoring universal health care.

Somewhere (Telegraph Ave. in Berkeley, actually) in the last year and half, we picked up a bargain bin paperback that related the history of the South Pacific area.  According to this intriguing book (lost it so we can’t cite the academic details such as author and page number), the island natives had to be taught to covet material possessions so that they could then be induced to sign on as wage slaves for the various companies seeking to export the local treasures. 

The islanders lived on the fish and vegetables that were easily gathered and then spent the rest of the day swimming and socializing. 

Some cynic said that when the white man came to the South Pacific, he brought with him the four great advances of civilization:  the Bible, pants, guns, and syphilis.  He also brought time clocks and paychecks.

The native women did learn to covet “stuff.”  (The famous philosopher George Carlin did a wonderful treatise on the concept of “stuff.”)  When that conversion was made, it became easy for plantation owners to get the men to sign their “X” to papers which were legal documents consenting to an often unspecified period of work in return for a substance (called “money”) which could be exchanged for the stuff the women now coveted.

Bleeding hearts liberals decry this example of capitalism in action and assert that the signed legal documents constituted an egregious example of fraud. 

Radio personality Mike Malloy recently hinted that there is a similar motivation relationship for the military’s health care.  He says that universal health care would destroy the allure of free medical care provided to the folks who join the various branches of the all volunteer military which protects the United States.  He snidely suggests that may explain why Republicans are working against the Health Care Reform Bill

Republicans love to foster the folk legends about self made millionaires.  According to their philosophy of “self determination,” a poor but honest disk jockey from Sacramento can become a millionaire by giving advice and encouragement to the workers of the world or at least the United States.  Democrats refute this by spreading myth busting unsubstantiated information that the aforementioned inspirational example was actually the grand son of President Eisenhower’s ambassador to India and that he got his first radio gig when his family bought a local radio station. 

According to Republicans, John D. Rockefeller was a gracious grandfatherly self made millionaire who bestowed a generous dime tip to newspaper boys at a time when the papers sold for less than a nickel.  The Democrats used a whisper campaign to paint the fellow as a ruthless cad who would destroy competitors and then deceived the public by hiring the same Public Relations firm that Hitler had selected to improve his image in America during the Thirties.

Sometime in the past, a wise old man revealed to this columnist that there is a curse on money and that the rich people, by taking the money from the poor, they are thereby eliminating the danger of the curse and thus protecting the poor from danger by assuming the risk themselves.

Health care may be vastly overrated.  William Claude Dukenfield (AKA W. C. Fields) once pointed out that there are more old drunks than there are old doctors.

We see in the news that the President is planning a trip to the South Pacific.  We wish him a bon voyage and remind him to be careful about signing any legal documents he hasn’t fully read and understood.

James Michener, in “Return to Paradise (Fawcett Crest paperback page 49):  “The copra crop was bad in Paea and parents hadn’t much money for Christmas, so the chief sent word to all the children:  ‘It is very sad.  Pere Noel just died.’” 

Now the disk Jockey will play:  “Bali Hai,” Woody Guthrie’s song “Deportee,”  “Some Enchanted Evening,” and “How’d ja like to spend Christmas on Christmas Island?” 

It’s time for us to go see if our lottery ticket is a winner.

Have a week that Robert Dean Frisbe would envy.

Where is America’s National War Museum?

An Australian pointed out to this columnist, that the first thing an American will do after visiting a tourist attraction in their country is to strongly assert that, back home, Americans have done the same thing bigger and better. 

If President Obama when he visits Canberra to address the Australian Parliament next week, takes the opportunity to visit the Australian National War Museum, there will be absolutely no danger that President Obama will tell his hosts that the United States has done it better because there ain’t no National War Museum in the USA.  There are, to be sure, a great number of specialized museums in the states.  There’s a museum of desert warfare in Southern California, the 3rd Cavalry Museum is in El Paso, TX, a Museum is at West Point, and the D-Day Museum is in New Orleans. 

To the best of this columnist’s fact checking ability to determine, the United States does not have one central museum that honors all the combatants who have fought in all the wars waged by the U. S. A.  If Australia can do that, why can the USA?

Due to bad timing, President Obama will not be in Canberra at the same time that the Aussie hot rodders hold their annual Summer Nats event.  This year’s installment was held in early January, when it was summer in that hemisphere.  [That, in turn, reminds us that we have recently learned (while Reading James Michener’s “Return to Paradise”) that a broken beer bottle is called “an Australian boxing glove.”]

The Hog’s Breath Cafe in Canberra boasts that they serve the best steak in Australia and maybe President Obama can take the time to put that claim to a taste test.

The last time this columnist heard the song “Santa Monica Boulevard,” we were in Canberra and as we listened to the tune, it made us wonder how many Aussies know that the road being honored used to be called “Oregon St.”? 

One of the advantages of being a blogger is that the writer can tell the President of the United States, how he (the blogger) would do things differently.  The White House does have a suggestion box, doesn’t it? 

The Republicans, according to some recent scuttlebutt on the Internets, will use the period between the day after this year’s midterm elections and election day in 2012 to set the agenda and put the incumbent, President Obama, on the defensive.  Since they intend to use a racist tactic, which will leave the President with a task that will be impossible.  If the Republicans say that the President is incompetent because he is the first African-American President, any attempts to refute that will have to assert that he is incompetent for some other reason or that he isn’t an African-American.  It seems that either response will be inadequate for winning re-election.

If President Obama wants to seize the initiative, set the agenda, and put the Republicans on the defensive; he could visit Australia’s National War Museum and then immediately suggest that it is time for the United States to honor its history by establishing a similar site in the United States. 

If he moves fast, that would leave the Republicans in a bind.  If the Republicans want to continue their sit-down strike in the legislative branch of America’s government, then they would have to vote against the suggestion of an American National War Museum or at least not vote for it.  If they did that their ownership of the “Support the Troops” issue would start to evaporate quickly.  If, on the other hand, they quickly followed President Obama’s lead and voted for a National War Museum for the USA, then it would look like the commitment to wage their sit-down strike was crumbling.  It would look like President Obama was leading them around like puppies on leashes and they wouldn’t like that, either.

President Obama could go into Republican congressional districts and appeal to the local voters to replace any Republican who didn’t quickly and strongly support an Obama program to erect a National War Museum. 

Australia’s National War Museum is open 364 days a year (closed on Christmas) and is considered by some to be Australia’s best tourist attraction. (Like the guy said in “Catch Me if You Can,” this columnist concurs.)

The Australian National War Museum, which is noted for the quality of its scholarly research department, informs visitors that the American success at the Battle of the Coral Sea and the Battle of Midway was due to the fact that the Americans had broken the Japanese code and knew what radio orders were being given.  American history books say those battles were won by American officers who made shrewd guesses about what to do in the midst of the evolving situation.  Whatever.  The U. S. won, and that’s the bottom line.

Australian entertainer Little Patty was given a military medal.  Did any USO performers get a similar honor?  (Do a Google search with her name and add:  “Battle Long Tan.”)

Obviously, President Obama will not visit the secret American military base just West of Alice Springs.  They don’t want or need the publicity a Presidential visit would precipitate.

It seems unlikely that President Obama will take the suggestion for a National War Museum for the United States.  If he becomes a one term President, don’t say we didn’t offer any suggestions to prevent it.

For this column’s closing quote we’ll turn to the Narrator, in Mad Max 2 (an Australian film), who says:  “For reasons long forgotten, two mighty warrior tribes went to war and touched off a blaze which engulfed them all. Without fuel, they were nothing. They built a house of straw. The thundering machines sputtered and stopped. Their leaders talked and talked and talked. But nothing could stem the avalanche. Their world crumbled. The cities exploded. A whirlwind of looting, a firestorm of fear.”

Now the disk jockey will play “Please Mr. Please,” “Stayin’ Alive,” and “Dirty Deed Done Dirt Cheap.”  We have to go see if <a href =http:// www.govtrack.us/congress/bill.xpd?bill=s111-3081>The Enemy Belligerant Interogation Detention, and Proscecution Act of 2010</a> (S3081) will bring Gleichschaltung.  Have a Big Brother Approved type week.

Why a duck?

The week of March 15 to 21 will be remember as the week that the Republican Party came closest to meeting their goal of making national politics look like a Marx Brothers movie.

On Tuesday, March 16, it was learned that the 9-11 commission was launched with its feet hobbled.  The vile Democrats have restarted a whisper campaign suggesting that a full investigation of the Bush Administration would uncover blowjobs (but no perjury) and thus the questioning of the veracity of the explanation for the attack on the World Trade Center was of no more importance than a full investigation by the Warren Commission.  [The Republicans perceive the election of President Obama as a move backwards and to the Left.] Hey, building 7 just sorta fell down.  Get over it.

On Wednesday on Mike Malloy’s radio show, he seemed to be the only Liberal voice who was concerned with the ramifications of a new proposed law S3081.  Malloy made it seem like the Republican lawmakers were trying to emulate the Nazi strategy called Gleichschaltung.  Hey, Mike, what’s the old Sixties saying?  Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it!

Speaking of the <em>right of habeous corpus</em>, here is a legal question:  If a man (such as attorney Richard Fine) is put in coercive custody and held in Los Angeles County Men’s Jail for over a year (you can’t serve a term longer than one year, but Fine hasn’t been not been charged or convicted of any crime so he isn’t serving a term and therefore not subject to the one year limitation) and if the 9^th Circuit Court of Appeals and the U. S. Supreme Court ignore his case (he hasn’t been charged with a crime) can he be freed by a Presidential Pardon?  (We direct your responses to the comments section below.)

Mike Malloy also recently reported that a movement to privatize government subsidized fire extinguishing services is being started.  Will that reignite the Teabaggers’ enthusiasm?  Who wants municipal fire departments coming on their property uninvited and searching homes for flames without a search warrant?

On Thursdy, March 18, the Republicans objected strenuously to the Health Care Reform bill on the basis of fiscal responsibility.  They can give war a blank check to cover the costs of killing millions in the Middle East, but they just can’t sanction spending money to provide health care for any American who isn’t a millionaire.  (Why a duck?)

Friday meant breaking out a birthday cake for the search for WMD’s in Iraq.  It seems that the Democrats are advocating sounding retreat before the war’s goal is achieved.

Saturday the Republicans staged a reenactment of the ugly racists’ scenes that prompted the passage of civil rights legislation in the Sixties.  The Democrats tried to besmirch the Republican street theater event for being too realistic. 

Sunday March 21, 2010 the Republicans stood together in resolute solidarity and thus scored a better “one for all and all for one” grade than did the defenders of the Alamo (Louis M. Rose was the one defector).

After a week like that, a columnist has to wonder what lessons the Republicans teach their kids.  Do they want the kids to be just like them and treat parental dictates as a challenge to be discredited, refuted, ignored and surmounted or do they sanction an inconsistency and revert to the commandment that requires unquestioned obedience to parents?

Suppose a Republican kid is grounded.  Should he (Republican daughters know who wears the pants in the house) use the Jim Bunning response?  Should he treat his family to a reenactment of the repudiation of Hollywood that James Dean is alleged to have committed?  (In Hollywood mythology James Dean is supposed to have urinated all over a “Rebel Without a Cause” set.)

(If you think this sounds like a John Stewart rant; your wrong because this columnist doesn’t own a TV set.)

How difficult is it to imagine that a Republican proudly proclaiming:  “Today, I shot a terrorist in my pajamas; how he got there I’ll never know.”

Groucho has said:  “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”  Didn’t the Republicans apply that philosophy to the Health Care Reform bill?

Now, the disk jockey will play “Hooray for Captain Spaulding,” “Helter Skelter,” and “The Yellow Brick Road” song.  We will head out for a local party celebrating the Republicans’ ability to get the Health Care Reform bill passed despite the opposition of the Democratic majority in the legislature.  Have a “man upon the stairs” type week.

Republican Party Faces Philosophical Oxymoron

If the elders of the party of obstructionist hypocrites (AKA Republican Party) are going to be successful at passing the torch to a new generation what will be their standard of success?  If the young generation of hypocritical obstructionists has truly heard the teachings of their party’s elders should the next generation of obstructionists:  A. (Apparently) Completely reject the teachings and values of obstructionism?  Or:  B. Meekly and with a great show of subservience to the elders, accept unquestioningly the tenants and precepts of obstructionism? 

If the young obstructionists harass and disrupt the (in relay racing terms) passing of the baton, doesn’t that demonstrate that they have learned their lessons well?  On the other hand, if the younger generation of those who embrace political chaos quietly submits to the parental authority of the older obstructionists, wouldn’t that smack (do they know what the term “smack” really means?) of uber-hypocrisy? 

Isn’t the allegation that the Republican Party has come to exemplify what it would be like if a national political party embraced Dadaism be denounced by that same party as being absurd and therefore become an irrefutably true premise? 

The suggestion that, in this era of awards for everything, Democrats should just give out annual awards for hypocrisy would be refuted by Republicans who would stoutly maintain they don’t need or deserve awards for hypocrisy and that would be the clincher for proving the premise that such awards are long overdue in the contemporary American culture.

Is it hypocritical to accept with effusive praise a hypocrites award you don’t think you deserve or would it be more appropriate to refuse the award and denounce the ceremony?

The Republican strategists delight in putting their political opponents in a lose-lose binary choice situation and therefore if the Democrats turned the tables and put the Obstructionists in a similar box canyon ambush, it would vindicate the Republican philosophy of cutthroat tactics and therefore Democrats giving Republicans awards for hypocrisy would be something to be admired as an outstanding example of bipartisanship.

Rather (Hi, Dan!) than giving awards for hypocrisy that wouldn’t be appreciated, the Democrats should immediately implement an annual attempt to bestow Dadaism awards and give them out (Daddy, what does “<em> in exstentia</em> really mean?) to folks who think that both houses of Congress are meant to be a practice batting cage for Surrealists. 

Do members of the Teabagging Movement have a jaw dropping moment when they learn the hippster’s definition of tea bagging? 

Decorum?  You want decorum?  Republicans know that you can’t handle decorum, so they have embraced the Brown shirts philosophy of “My way or anarchy!”  The jolly swag men on K Street call it “Chaos for fun and profit.”

The Republican Party reaction to Horton the elephant would be to burn the tree down.

On showdown weekend, the Republicans made a Dadaist dinner look tame in comparison.

What do the John Birch Society and Teabaggers have in common?  Things go better with money from the Koch family?

For some the Republican Party has come to be to civilized debate what Kid Shelleen (Lee Marin) in “Cat Ballou” was to justice.

F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote:  “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.”  Thus a war that was to cost “80 billion max,” which has so far had a cost overrun of $920,000,000,000.31, is of no concern when there is a chance to scare the voters with the allegation that a health care bill might be an example of fiscal irresponsibility.

Now the disk jockey will play “Mares Eat Oats,” “Hotel California,” and the Kingsmen’s recording of “Louie, Louie.” We have to go find some surrealists to help us change a light bulb.  Have a “food fight in the space station” type week.

Missing “The Big Story”

Once upon a time, boys and girls, crusading journalists were considered heroes and there was one TV series that presented the stories of those valiant American newspaper reporters who fought a never ending battle for truth, the American Way, and Justice.  The typical episode of NBC’s program Pall Mall’s “The Big Story” would tell about a reporter who would spend hours and hours digging into a jailbird’s plea asserting that he was innocence and that justice had gone haywire. 

The newsie might even work on his own time and spend some of his own funds in an attempt to clear a falsely accused prisoner. 

[Back then it sometimes happened that one particular company would sponsor a show and only that company would run ads during “their” program.  Firestone tires had a program that featured classical music.  It made celebrities out of people like Eugene Ormandy and Arturo Toscanini.  Now, of course, Fox has refined the public’s music taste via the critical comments of Simon Cowl and a symphony orchestra in prime time on one of the three main TV networks is a preposterous concept.]

Recently the use of DNA evidence (which couldn’t convict O. J. Simpson) has been used to clear so many falsely convicted people (mostly brothers?) that if “The Big Story” were to return it might have to be run on a daily basis and not be just a weekly program.

Reporters who hope to be featured on “The Big Story” are too late.  It’s gone.  They are SOL.  The best they can get is a Pulitzer Prize. 

If there are any empty handed reporters out there looking for a crusade to wage, they might want to do some Google searches about the imprisonment of Attorney Richard Fine in Los Angeles County Men’s Jail.  He hasn’t been charged with a crime, let alone convicted.  Could the Richard Fine story be an example of a Pulitzer Prize waiting to be won?  Blogs aren’t eligible for Pulitzers are they?  So, have at it guys.  This blogger is more interested in doing a Blimp vs. Zepplin grudge match type story just for the pure hell of it.

Republicans are trying to make a few legal maneuvers so that concerned citizens will never have to be puzzled about if, how, or why an American can be in jail without a pending trial or sentence to serve.  Yep!  If the John McCain (and others) sponsored measure (S3081) is passed, Americans can rest assured that, in the future, any American who is thrown in jail with a right of <em>haebius corpus</em> will have no right to bitch about being deprived of an inalienable right because it will be all legal and proper to toss some dissenters in the can and let cobwebs grow on the lock.  Hah!  Hunter Thompson, you died too soon. 

Buy War Bonds today!

Edward R. Murrow has said:  “I am persuaded that the American public is more reasonable, restrained and mature that most of the broadcast industry’s planners believe.”  Boy, would Glenn Beck have made mincemeat of that cigarette smoking guy or what?

Now, the disk jockey will play for all the future victims of S3081:  “The Long Black Veil,” “Tom Dooley,” and “In the Tijuana Jail.”  We gotta go post bail for a pal.  Have “Thank God Almighty Free at last!” type week.

Spring Break is here; head for Fort Liquordale!

Bloggers may be tempted to kick back and bask in the glow of Preisent Obama’s Heath Care achievement.  It sure would be fun to write a few easy-to-write columns about some innocuous topic such as a road test comparison of a blimp ride vs. a zeppelin ride (and we may do that soon) but while the passage of Health Care takes up the attention of much of the media, both in the blogosphere and on vitriolic conservative talk shows, there are some other Republican political moves that are very ominous that are going almost unnoticed.  (Which is just the way the Republican strategists like it.)

Isn’t the irony of Senator John McCain sponsoring a bill that would legitimize the ability of the government to apprehend and incarcerate citizens without the need to arrest and charge them with a crime, something that should get a mention in the media that is supposed to be “pro liberal”?  In addition isn’t yet another Republican move to imitate Hitler’s efforts to neuter and eliminate his political opposition in Germany, something that should cause some newspaper managing editors deem newsworthy and needing some commentary? 

Some debaters might assert that Americans can’t be jailed without a charge since there is a thing called the right of <em>habeas corpus</em> which has been a part of the English speaking judicial system for about a thousand years. 

The case of Attorney Richard Fine might be an outstanding way to refute the allegations that it can never happen, because it is happening to Fine.  Luckily for the Republican strategists, not only are editors ignoring the Fine case (with a few exceptions such as the continuing coverage by the Full Disclosure Network), but since it is a complicated legal issue and can’t be reduced to a bumper sticker sized sound bytes; it isn’t likely to get much media attention.

Fine is in “coercive custody” and so his dire plight can’t be reviewed by the Ninth Superior Court of Appeals, nor the Supreme Court of the United States, because Fine hasn’t been charged with a crime and therefore not subject to their review.

If Fine can be kept in custody like that, and if the McCain sponsored bill (S 3081) is passed, then any future President can use the McCain measure as the basis for apprehending and jailing people on the basis of their beliefs. 

A hypothetical example would be sometime in the future, a Republican President (such as Jeb Bush?) could have people confined to jail for suggesting that his brother should be subjected to a war crimes trial.  Rush Limbaugh would be safe (for sure) but Rachael Maddow might have to move her program studios to . . . Kalgoorlie?

Some avid Republican supporters might want to post some snide remarks about this columnist in conjunction with strong assertions designed to assure swing voters that it could never happen.  Just like back in the old days when veterans of World War II swore (on a book that’s popular in the Bible-belt?) that America would never ever condone extreme coercive questioning of Prisoners of War with methods such as the Gestapo approved “waterbording.”  It seems like “never” has arrived during this columnist’s lifetime. 

Buy some Girl Scout Cookies and enjoy Spring Break 2010

Herman Goering has said:  “Shoot first and inquire afterwards, and if you make mistakes, I will protect you.”  Wasn’t he backed by legal opinions form John Yoo?

Now the disk jockey will spin the “Let’s Play Master and Slave,” song, Johnny Paycheck’s “11 months and 29 days,” and “Jailhouse Rock.”  We have to go send an e-mail to the Airship Ventures press relations department.  Have a “Fort Liquordale” type week.

Republicans turn to hippie strategy

Recently an overly enthusiastic supporter of the Republican Rebellion urged like minded conservatives to emphasize their point by breaking the windows of Democrat politicians.  It came perilously close to resembling the Kristallnacht call issued by the Nazis in 1938. 

It’s time for the radical Students for a Republican Society to remind their rank and file members that they don’t want to fully adopt the Nazi playbook; they just want to usurp the Germans concepts and not the actual game plan. 

A better way to look at the current political discourse would be to think in terms of the Sixties.  The Republicans have embraced the hippies’ philosophy and the Democrats have jumped into the Nixon camp methodology by receiving any opposing ideology with amused distain. 

The Republican sitdown strike strategy being used in both Congress and the Senate sound like the living implementation of a famous bit of hippie advice issued by Mario Savio: 

“There’s a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious—makes you so sick at heart—that you can’t take part. You can’t even passively take part.

“And you’ve got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you’ve got to make it stop.

“And you’ve got to indicate to the people who run it, to the people who own it that unless you’re free, the machine will be prevented from working at all.”   That just about nails the current Republican attitude toward working in the Legislature during the Obama era.

Recently Rush Limbaugh urged his listeners to respond to vitriolic criticism of their “Hell no we won’t go” along with healthcare by blowing kisses at the Democrats.  Wasn’t the famous photo of a hippie chick putting a flower in the barrel of a rifle taken at People’s Park in Berkeley?  Rush advocating flower power.  Who’d a thunk it?

Conversely the Democrats have to quickly assess where a free speech right to express dissent ends and inciting a riot begins. 

It would be pleasant for liberal pundits to coast to the midterm elections basking in the warm feelings generated by the passage of President Obama’s Health Care Reform bill, but rather than doing fun stories such as a consumers’ report style column on the blimp vs. zeppelin controversy, it seems that diligent liberal commentators will have to concentrate on answering the question:  Why are Republicans behaving as if they have already scored a veto-proof majority in the 2010 elections? 

For a liberal to sound the warning about a great danger that the Republicans will mirco-manage the election results via the electronic voting machines the writer will have to delve into some very esoteric facts and figures and he will run a high risk of boring even the most avid liberal audience.  It would also mean that he would have to diminish the importance of the Obama upset victory in the 2008 election saying that it was similar to a chess game where the Republicans would lose the initial phase of the gambit only to come roaring back later with a game winning series of moves. 

If, by losing the Presidency to the Democrats in 2008, the Republicans can neutralize the Democrats distrust of the electronic voting machines, then the Democrats will sound hypocritical if they are skeptical of those voting machines only when a Republican wins. 

If the Republicans score a massive victory in this fall’s elections, is it all that difficult to imagine that the so-call journalists in the national media would then respond on cue from the Republican spin doctors and declare such a shift as a “mandate” to repeal the Healthcare Bill?  Would they also respond like a well trained puppy and add that it was a complete repudiation of Obama’s victory?   Heck, the Republicans could test the lapdog loyalty by getting them to say that such a turn of events was an endorsement of the idea to also repeal Social Security.  (Erase that image of a puppy being trained with a supply of treats, isn’t the press still a wee bit . . . forgetaboutit.  The puppy training  analogy is spot-on.)

America’s alleged free press has been an accessory to the Bush wars, the implementation of the use of the electronic voting machines, the avoidance of any investigation into the torture memos, the rigged Supreme Court decision that handed the Presidency to George W. Bush, the shenanigans in Ohio’s role in the 2004 Bush win, and the almost instant decertification of Howard Dean and the anointing of John Kerry as “frontrunner” in 2004, and the unquestioning relaying of the need for bailout funds for Christmas bonus crap.  Does anyone (other than Bill O’Reilly) want to seriously contend that the same bunch of obsequious and subservient paycheck slaves in the media would stand up and question a lopsided Republican victory this fall?  There would have been a better chance of seeing an editorial in the Volkisher Beobachter questioning the annexation of the Sudetenland.   

People who regularly read the work Brad Friedman is posting on his Bradblog site will not be one bit surprised by fall election results that “repudiate” Obama;  those who don’t read it, will put all their faith in the latest installment of media “reporting” that will be filed under the heading:  “Voters baffle pollsters again” and not suspect any subterfuge.

At that point the New York Times will be urged to add a teabag party luminary to their roster of Oped Page propagandists and the stage will be set for a restoration drama via a Cheney – (Jeb) Bush ticket in 2012.  Then, if the Dickster would oblige the Bush family, he could croak and assure a continuation of the Bush dynasty.

Hunter S. Thompson has said:  “The TV business is uglier than most things. It is normally perceived as some kind of cruel and shallow money trench through the heart of the journalism industry, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs, for no good reason.”

Now the disk jockey will play the “Hair” album.  We gotta go send an e-mail to the Airship Ventures press people.  Have a groovey week.

Republicans emboldened by an assured fall farce?

If there has been any recent punditry offering a rationale for the Republican “tough shit” stance, then this columnist has missed it and will offer our own suggestion about the inexplicable display of “tough love.”  The Republicans, who usually curry favor with as many small middle of the road groups as they can, have suddenly gone to a “let them eat cake” attitude.  How can that be?  Why aren’t they scrambling to pick up the swing voters who don’t see the old “compassionate conservative Christian” ploy in the callous Republican quotes? 

Here’s one explanation:  it could be because the ability to use the electronic voting machines to micro-manage the results mean that the Republicans don’t have to pander anymore – they know they are assured of a massive mandate this fall.

Last year while pouring through the Marina (del Rey CA) Tenants Association’s collection of old newspapers to document the points in their criticism of the local political scene, this columnist came across some 1989 stories in the Los Angeles Times about the vulnerability to unreliable results factor if computerized voting was adopted. 

The only Republican response to any skepticism of the electronic voting machines has always been the same:  “Don’t worry about it.”

America relies on a free press to keep them well informed.  The Republicans rely on the press to relay spin to a gullible audience.  It’s a spin and grin good ole boy attitude.  Hell what you don’t know can make war, tax cuts, and Republican candidate victories sound like jolly good ideas. 

Has America’s free press done much (if anything) to protect the voters from:

A Republican majority in the Supreme Court deciding the winner in 2000?

A war which made stockholders in a company once run by Dick Cheney even wealthier?

The disappearance of WMD’s which were in locations “known” by American intelligence?

The decertification of Howard Dean and the anointing of John Kerry as “frontrunner”?

Ohio’s crucial role in the use of electronic voting machines to help Republican candidates.

The hackability of the “unhackable” electronic voting machines?

The disappearance of the exit poles?

The evaporating polar ice cap?

When a Republican Senator callously denigrates the plight of folks collecting unemployment, can anyone look into the eyes of the Republican candidates and not recall the old folk wisdom:  “Never play cards with a man called ‘Doc.’”

So if folks naively assume that this fall the elections will be a honest endeavor, that leaves the Republicans free to say what they are thinking and then afterwards say that their promises to repeal the healthcare bill seem to be exactly what such phony results strongly endorse.

If the Republicans use the electronic voting machines to give themselves a veto-proof majority this fall, they can then take control of the legislature until they stage yet another bigger farce in the fall of 2012 and continue on their road back to control of the Legislature, the Presidency, and the Supreme Court. 

With a fall “landslide,” the way will be clear for the Republicans to repeal the healthcare bill and (why hold back?) maybe even Social Security.  At that point the relentless Republican efforts to dismantle the New Deal will be just about complete. 

Democrats who doubt the reliability of the electronic voting machines would destroy the triumph of the Obama upset victory in 2010.  Some Democrats seem reluctant to admit that the Obama win was part of what con artists call “the setup.”  If the Republicans subscribe to idea that electronic voting machines can deliver predetermined results, then they can look forward to an astounding fall farce and eagerly anticipate the total and complete humiliation of the Obama administration. 

There is some old folk wisdom that advises people to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.  We offer this column in that pessimistic attitude.  If there is another alternative interpretation of the cocky Republican attitude which seems to dismiss the strategic importance of pandering to the swing voters; then paste the URL for such an item in the comments section.  (Republican boasting about “the will of the Fox audience” giving them the confidence to abandon their previous pursuit of the swing voters isn’t what we are seeking.)

Hunter Thompson is quoted as saying:  “America… just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.” 

Now, the disk jockey will play the soundtrack album for “The Graduate.”  It’s time to send an e-mail to see if my pals in Fremantle are doing OK after the recent storm.  Have a “sock it to me!” type week.

“(I Don’t Know What Goes Here, Maybe Just: A Cigarette Butt)”

It was a bright cold day in April and the clocks were striking the call for column writing time.  We can’t write a column endorsing oil drilling because that would sound absurd in the context of previous columns.  We can’t write a column critical of the Obama decision to sanction oil drilling because that would infuriate the Obama backers who read this website. 

We are assiduously working our way through Yevgeny Zamyatin’s novel <em>We</em>, which George Orwell credited as the inspiration for writing <em>1984</em>, but we haven’t gotten to the last word on the last page, so even though we’ve got the good quotes (such as this column’s headline) ready to go, we’ll have to postpone our review of that novel for a few more days so that we’ll know how it ends.

Is it too early to write the April 12 column marking the sinking of the Titanic? 

Obviously it is way too early to write our annual National Columnists’ Day column.  We have to write it a bit early and post it before the actual day arrives, but this is just a tad too early to tout the April 18 event which marks the anniversary of the day that Ernie Pyle was killed in combat.

Even though we have already had a ride in the Goodyear blimp, we haven’t heard back from the folks at <a href = http://www.airshipventures.com/>Airship Ventures</a> so we’ll have to postpone a blimp vs. Zeppelin grudge match comparison column for later.

Just about 10 years ago, we contacted Delusions of Adequacy and started pumping out columns for them.  Was it prejudicial to be covering the Internets coverage of the 2000 Republican national convention and be skeptical of the “frontrunner”?  After all weren’t the country’s leading journalists using the “wait and see what happens” attitude?  Wasn’t it premature to use the “Ducky Lucky” alarmist point of view before the fellow had even taken the oath of office?

We didn’t sound too patriotic when we sarcastically suggested that if those darn aluminum tubes were so dangerous, they should have had serial numbers on them and the sale of those items should have been regulated more strictly.

When the Bush Death Panel decreed that Americans should buy the materials to make an airtight panic room as a precaution against a chemical attack, we dashed off a letter to the editor at the New York Times and pointed out that if it was airtight, folks would suffocate and if it wasn’t airtight, the folks inside would have no protection whatsoever from the chemicals.  The day the letter appeared in the print edition of that newspaper, Donald Rumsfeld held a news conference to point out the danger of asphyxiation and stressed that the “buy plastic sheeting and duct tape” warning had been metaphorical.

We switched from Delusions of Adequacy, which wanted to focus exclusively on music, over to Just Above Sunset online magazine and mixed feature columns with ones that asked rhetorical questions about the apparent contradiction of a super secretive administration announcing plans for a Presidential Library.  Other political commentators saw the absurdity of the Bush public stance and rightly (or leftly?) ridiculed it.

Eventually we transition away from the L. A. based site and posted regularly on Smirking Chimp pointing out some flaws in the Bush Administration’s attempt to assuage any potential for dissent.

When the news stories about Howard Dean’s alleged “breakdown” appeared, we tried to point out the basic journalism lesson that when a statement such as “he suffered a mental breakdown” is used in a news story, unless the write is a well known psychologists, the reporter has to use attribution or be guilty of editorializing.  If, at the time, some well known authority on mental health had come out and said categorically that Dean had come unglued, then columns about what the expert had said were merited.  If Karl Rove called in some journalistic IOU’s and planted unattributed stories questioning the frontrunner’s (up to that point) mental health, then honest journalists would have noted that the assessment was coming from an opposition spokesman (Republican’s don’t have spokespersons). 

Didn’t the Republicans have preparations for a Kerry Candidacy, such as article of incorporation for the Swiftboat Veterans groups, in place just waiting for the signal to the bullpen?  Didn’t they want to avoid having to improvise a whole new game plan to run against Howard Dean?  So wasn’t it natural for them to work behind the scenes to grease the skids to favor Kerry?  Journalists seemed satisfied to miss the elephant in the room.  There is an old bit of journalism advice that goes:  “If you mother says she loves you; check it out before you print it.”  Abracadabra the journalists were qualified to say that Howard Dean had suffered a mental breakdown.  Hogwash!  They were kissing Rove’s ass.

Any efforts to assert that President Bush may have committed war crimes needed some authoritative substantiation.  When we talked to a woman who had worked for the Australian government collecting, during World War II, evidence for any subsequent war crimes trials and who had also attended the trial of Tojo in Tokyo, we asked about her expert opinion.  When we popped the question:  “Is George W. Bush a war criminal?” she snapped out an instantaneous response:  “Of course he is!”  When we wrote a column about her, we reported her opinion not our own.

Here it is April of 2010 and we need a topic for a column. 

It sure looks like Iran is rapidly approaching their goal of manufacturing some nuclear weapons, but unless this columnist gets to see them in person, that topic is off limits because it would sound like a conspiracy theory without some eyewitness substantiation.

At Cal Berkeley ASUC Senate Bill 118 is too hot to touch. 

There’s been a good amount of rain in Berkeley this spring, but there’s been much more in Rhode Island and it has been getting intense news coverage.

Dang, I wish those folks at Airship Ventures would respond to my e-mail soon.  What is there to write about while waiting? 

Eureka!  We’ll write a column suggesting that some radio outlet in the San Francisco area should revive <a href = http://www.petitiononline.com/JimmyKay/petition.html>Jimmy Kay’s Sunday Night Classics</a> show with the music of the  Country Music Hall of Fame caliber. 

Yevgeny Zamyatin wrote in <em>We</em> (Penguin paperback page 36):  “The only means to rid man of crime is to rid him of freedom.”

Now, the disk jockey will play:  “Okie from Muskogee,” “On the Road Again,” and “You don’t have to call me darlin’, darlin’.”  We gotta go send an e-mail to Jimmy Kay and station KBWF (hey he could phone his program in, couldn’t he?).  Have a “the road goes on forever; the party never ends” type week.

“Limit of Function – Easter – Cross It All Out”

Yevgeny Zamyatin fans will recognize this column’s headline.  Republicans who have never heard of <em>We</em>, which George Orwell credited as being his inspiration for writing <em>1984<em>, probably won’t bother to read that obscure Russian novel, nor this column either. 

Conservative trolls don’t like it when pundits compare George W. Bush to “Big Brother,” so maybe we can duck the avalanche of “tinfoil hat” comments if we cut out the middle man and compare Dubya to “the Benefactor” and hip some folks to the story of OneState.

Zamyatin saw that one people, one state, and one leader would eliminate the need for bipartisanship.  Does anyone want to don their tinfoil hat and asset that having two constantly bickering groups helps a country find the way to national unity?

Posting a column on April Fool’s Day asserting that the search for WMD’s was a gigantic college frat boy’s prank might be inappropriate.  Denigrating the invasion of various countries in the Middle East is an insult to Bush loyalist because it insinuates (usually without any reputable source for the idea) that it was a blunder and it also simultaneously besmirches President Obama because it makes the next surge seem like a fool’s errand.

Those who want to vigorously attack President Bush’s record as being lifted from the pages of <em>1984</em> would do well to reread that book and note that in the last paragraph Winston Smith confesses to a change of heart (change is good) and adds his voice to the chorus expressing their love of the leader known as “Big Brother.”

(Here comes another spoiler.)  Zamyatin, Orwell, and Glen Beck all have the same philosophy:  “The following day I, D-503, reported to the Benefactor and told him all I knew about the enemies of happiness.”

Sooner or later all liberal pundits will come to love President Obama’s agenda.  Thus we will endorse continuing the war in Afghanistan, offshore oil drilling, and scraping any war crimes investigations.

In <em>We</em>, Zamyatin wrote (Penguin paperback page 132):  “It goes without saying that this has no resemblance to the disorderly, unorganized elections in ancient times, when – it’s hard to say this with a straight face – they couldn’t even tell before the election how it would come out.”  (Note:  On the morning of the 2000 Presidential election, CBS Radio’s World New Roundup reported that the number of newsvans outside the Bush home was much greater than the few waiting at Al Gore’s residence.  Nyuck, nyuck.  Why pay people to stand around at the loser’s home?)

Now the disk jockey will play the Rolling Stones song that has the line about “I’m a lonely school boy – just got into town” (can’t use the actual song title), “I hate Mondays,” and (a favorite with a certain inmate in Corcoran State Prison) “Helter Skelter.”  We have to go search for the enemies of happiness.  Have an “I pity the fool” type week.

Journalism hits the iceberg?

Since the latest winners of the Pulitzer Prizes are usually announce around the anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic, and are scheduled to be announced on Monday, April 12, 2010, we thought it might be timely to write a column thanking all the Journalists who are killing off the American treasure known as “the free press.”  Is Journalism in the USA in bad shape?  Does journalism now have anything in common with the Titanic after it hit the iceberg? 

Journalists who visited George W. Bush’s “ranch” during the 2000 Presidential election campaign and surely noticed that there was a big swimming pool and very little (if any) real ranching going on.  They helped the former frat boy foist the image of a hard working ranch owner on the gullible public. 

How quickly did those fighting for truth, justice, and the American way, report that the “sabotaged office equipment” story was hogwash?  Didn’t want to offend the new White House resident, now did they?  Clinton was retiring (sort of) and so who cares if the stories were ever proved to be untrue? 

The captain of the Titanic wanted to set a speed record because that would be a great image for boosting ticket sales.

Journalists never questioned the free 2004 Bush reelection campaign ad staged on the smoldering ruins of the World Trade Center.  The tip-off was the clown in the fireman’s helmet three days after the event.  Those hats are heavy and the first thing a fireman wants to do when the blaze has been knocked down is get that damn thing off his head.  Republicans knew that the hat was a very appropriate set decoration.  The journalists, who love to get on TV and present themselves as omnipotent, didn’t want to “rock the boat” and point out how insipid the hat looked.

The captain of the Titanic was content to believe the “unsinkable” spin.  There had been some cost vs. shaving corners debate during the design and construction of the Titanic.  (See Stanley Lord’s two books about the famous disaster.)

Journalists relayed the “it just fell down” story about Building 7 to the public in unquestioning bucket brigade fashion.  They did not (and still do not) question the suppression of security tapes showing the impact at the Pentagon. 

Only tinfoil hat lunatics questioned invading Iraq for the attack carried out by Saudis.  Couldn’t just one paid journalist have pointed out that it was as if the Apaches attacked a fort in Arizona and the US responded by sending a massive military response to inflict def facto genocide on the Sioux?

The captain and crew of the California were perplexed by the distress signals being fired from the Titanic.  (The California was within sight of the Titanic.)

Journalists who have (as rookies) ever been scolded by a furious city desk for omitting a source just seem to have suffered a massive case of infallible editorializing (for fun . . . or profit?) in lieu of basic reporting skill.  Where were the M. E.’s who were supposed to bellow:  “You dumb illegitimate child born of a dog, have you suddenly become a PhD in mental health?  You wrote:  ‘Howard Dean suffered a mental break down!’  Do you want us to be sued for libel and slander?  You have to say who says that.  Did a famous expert say it?  If so, you have to put it in the story!  It would go something like this:  “Dr. Simund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, said that frontrunner Howard Dean showed all the symptoms of a complete mental meltdown on Tuesday when he cheered his own recent primary win.’   Where did you get your journalism degree?”  Unfortunately, all the M. E.’s in the US let this beginner level journalism go unchallenged.

Where did Captain xxx get the idea of setting a speed record?  Did he think it up himself or did some company officials suggest it?  Afterwards the ship company management did a fine forecast of Bush Administration Amnesia Syndrome and couldn’t remember any such suggestion ever, ever, ever, being made by them to the deceased captain.

Now as to the vulnerability of electronic voting machines to nefarious manipulations by unscrupulous partisans, there isn’t one scrap of paper in existence with a story printed on it about such a possibility, ergo it mustn’t exist.

After the Titanic’s side was ripped open by the iceberg, some stalwarts asserted that there was no need to rush to the lifeboats being launched.  The ship was unsinkable and the lifeboats were an unnecessary precaution being initiated by the overcautious nonbelievers.

While the Columbia Journalism Review doesn’t endorse the full Fox falderal approach to news reporting, that magazine has not been very critical of the track record for the “without fear or favor” standard during the Bush Administration. 

If the captain of the Titanic had survived, would he and a platoon of lawyers, used the Lee Harvey Oswald defense?  I.e.  “I’m a patsy.”

Will some J-school PhD candidate ever tackle the myth of Sisyphus challenge of checking to see if every attempt to repent and reform poor journalism comes only when a Republican President, who got a complete pass from a subservient press, is replaced by a new Democratic resident in the White House? 

If the nations’ paid journalists only hold a Democrat’s feet to the fire, isn’t that better than always printing propaganda?  A .500 batting average is better than a .001 one, id nit?

The Titanic sank quickly.  Perhaps historians will determine that “freedom of the press” disappeared from America just about as fast albeit much less noticed?

Does Proverbs 15:1 sayeth:  “A soft answer turneth away wrath.”?   I can’t remember.

Now, the disk jockey will play “Sea Cruise,” Jody Reynold’s “Endless Sleep,” and “My Bucket’s got a hole in it.”  We have to go torpedo the idea that the Pulitzer committee should give an award to the comedians on Fox News.  Have a “Good night, and good luck” type week.

Coping with Spring Fever

Spring Fever On Tuesday, April 7, 2010, this columnist sat down at the computer and prepared to write a column wondering if Afghanistan’s Premier Hamid Karzai had ever read a biography of Ngo Dinh Diem (or maybe even one for Australia’s PM Harold Holt?). We figured that to make such a column work, a brief bio of the long dead Asian leader might be necessary as well as including a short recap of the particulars of the Vietnam War. We looked out the window and saw that it was a Kodachrome (R. I. P.) day. Nix the column plans. It seemed like a better idea to take our new Nikon Coolpix camera out for a walk which might produce some material to be used on our car-spotting blog. The only thing missing was a proper destination.

Then we figured that we might find some hot new column topic in the books at the Berkeley Public Library used book store. Off we went. We picked out two 50 cent bargains and enjoyed the bright warm day. Can it get any better? Well, naturally New York City just had to have a better, warmer, day. One of the books was copyrighted 1991 and had a chapter about funny election results in Dade County Florida, things called “hanging chads,” and chap named Ken Collier. Unfortunately Jonathan Vankin’s book was titled “Conspiracies, Cover-ups and Crimes.” Conspiracy? Toss that column idea into the “round file.” Using such a topic would be as unsportsmanlike for this columnist as it would be for a pitcher to use a sharpened belt buckle to gouge nicks into a fresh from the umpire new baseball.

On Wednesday, we planned to go to the San Francisco Public Library to look up information about the legendary local columnist called “Freddie Francisco,” because National Columnists’ Day is coming up and a little preliminary fact checking seemed like a perfect excuse for going across to “Baghdad by the Bay.”

When we arrived we discovered that the San Francisco Public Library book store was holding a sidewalk sale and we scored three books (one with a ragged torn cover) by James Norman Hall. Between world wars, he was one of the legions of “get-away-from-it-all” writers who flocked to the South Pacific. Hall and his war time buddy, Charles Nordoff, wrote the Bounty trilogy.

The South Pacific between world wars seems like it was a prototype for the blogosphere. There must have been days when more writers were jammed into Quinn’s bar in Papeete than there were at the round table at the Algonquin. If anyone ever starts a Beachcombers’ Hall of Fame, Hall will be sure to be included among the first group to be named as inductees. There was one problem about doing a column about that topic: Do bloggers really care who people such as Hall and Robert Dean Frisbie were? Especially if Frisbie wasn’t the guy who invented the flying disk?

We have found very little on Freddie Francisco (who was supposed to be the West Coast’s answer to NYC’s Charlie Knickerbacker) on the Internets, but we found a passel of material in the San Francisco Public Libray about the bloke. Enough to write a book perhaps? Perhaps. But National Columnists’ Day is two weeks off. It’s too soon to do that column.

Between world wars Freddie Francisco is reported to have lived in Shanghai where he found great raw material for a writer, such as General Cohen (the kosher Mandarin), Mazie Duncan of Love Lane fame, and Joe Smith who would provide the funds for shipping the bodies of indigent Americans back home for burial. He thought that it was sad that they died so far from home. (He used to put some illegal contraband in the caskets which his cronies would retrieve by digging up later.) There’s nothing on the Internets about these interesting folks and scoring a Google first would be great, but there wasn’t enough details to flesh out an entire column.

When we got back to the World’s Laziest Journalist’s Home Office, the news informed us that there seems to have been a coup in Kyrgyzstan. The turmoil in Kyrgyzstan doesn’t bode well for the War in Afghanistan. Could we milk a column out of this question: “If President Obama loses the war in Afghanistan will patriotic Republicans permit themselves to cheer wildly?”? Wouldn’t that be an oxymoron for patriotic fellows to cheer when their country loses a war?

One of the other books we bought in SF was a copy of Aldous Huxley’s “Brave New World.” In the preface to the new edition Huxley wrote: “At the time the book was written this idea, that human beings are given free will in order to choose between insanity on the one hand and lunacy on the other, was one that I found amusing and regard as quite possibly true.”

There’s no use trying to write a column about how that applies to taking troops out of a war in Iran to keep a campaign promise and then sending them to the war in Afghanistan because if I did that I’d have to be stripped of my Obama Cheerleading uniform and turn in my “Liberal Blogger’s License.” We could pump out a column just to maintain the tradition of wondering at the beginning of a new baseball season what the Fremantle team’s chances are of winning the World Series in the fall.

Since we try to be culturally aware and since we have never heard one song by Lady Gaga, perhaps we could write a column urging Uncle Rushbo or . . . could Sean Hannity play one of her songs as a way of auditioning her with his listeners for those wonderful philanthropic concerts he promotes? How are we ever going to hear a Lady Gaga song if most of the radio content is Republican spin? It will be years before her material becomes eligible to be played on the True Oldies Channel. Scratch that column idea.

Spring is the perfect season for planning a summer surge in Afghanistan. Isn’t a war the perfect way to express the springtime sensation that the French have dubbed “joi de vivre”? Emily Dickinson wrote: “A little Madness in the Spring/ Is wholesome even for the King.” Now, the disk jockey will play “Endless Sleep,” “Something Stupid,” and “Sympathy for the Devil.” We gotta get the hell outta here. Have a “we’re coming to getcha” type week.

Happy National Columnists’ Day!

For National Columnists’ Day, we’ll offer an appreciation of both San Francisco’s legendary columnist Herb Caen and of Ernie Pyle, the war correspondent/columnist whose death in combat during World War II on April 18, 1945, inspired that National Society of Newspaper Columnists to select that date as the one to be used for National Columnist’s Day.

In his book, “Don’t Call It Frisco,” Caen muses about writing columns.  Advising a rookie about the art of producing columns, he says (Doubleday hardback page 25):  “He has three choices roughly.  He can write a so-called ‘think’ column, in which he takes one subject each day and proceeds to beat it to death by expressing a variety of opinions about it, all the opinions being his own. . . .

“Then there is the folksy column . .  . . He takes a phone call from a subscriber about a parking problem; a letter from a veteran who needs an old piano; adds some cornball opinions and observations of hi sown on women who take a long time to dress and dentists who talk to you when you can’t answer back – and presto-no-change-o, he’s got a column. . . .

“This brings us to the third type – the ‘scattershot’ column, crammed with short items on a variety of subjects.”

Bloggers face the same challenges as columnists with some minor differences such as not getting a regular paycheck.

Bloggers might write a think piece about how Sarah Palin writes crib notes on the palm of her hand.  After milking the topic for all the laughs the possible, the blogger will hit the post button, sit back, and give himself an attaboy.  (Here’s a note for the gender fairness police:  Ray Stevens recorded a song titled “Attaboy, girl.”)  It’s unknown if such ridicule hurts Sarah’s feelings and if she plagiarizes Liberace’s attitude and famous line:  “Yes, I cried all the way to the bank.”  Perhaps the note on her palm says “Pay no attention to unpaid bloggers!”?

Odds are that a good deal of bloggers will comment on Bill Moyer’s posting asserting that it really was all about oil.

What will happen to blogging when the only columnists and commentators are the Republican flunkies who spew spin?

Discussions of contemporary issues will sound like a Monty Python comedy routine.  (No it won’t!)

Herb Caen covered local items and mostly ignored the war in Vietnam.

Eventually when the only paid columnists and pundits are Republican lackeys bloggers will tire of refuting the lies for free and blogging will die of malnutrition (i.e. money).  Just look at how well paid Uncle Rushbo is and how many liberal web sites are constantly asking for donations to help sustain their mission.

Since times are tough, isn’t it natural to conclude that eventually the Republican noise machine will win the war of (economic) attrition?

Today on National Columnists’ Day, bloggers should ask themselves:  If paid liberal pundits and columnists are a dying breed, where will this road take us?

So today is a day to enjoy diversity of opinion because just like Herb Caen, Walter Winchell, and Ernie Pyle, may be a thing of the past.

Obviously, with no printing costs for bloggers, there will always  be a market for local punditry.  Sure some people outside of Fremantle in Western Australia might care about a statue of Bonn Scott and folks outside of Venice CA might care about the Jim Morrison mural and the Myrna Loy statue at Venice High School, but how many people are concerned about the future of development in Marina del Rey?

Which topic will get more blogging hits:  Lady Gaga or the prospects for the surge in Afghanistan this summer?  Which will get better mainstream media coverage?

Which is more engrossing:  Kick Ass, the movie, or Kick Ass America’s war policy? . . . for unlimited profits for the private contractors?

Herb Caen became a legendary columnist by not paying attention to war.  Ernie Pyle was killed on April 18, 1945 covering World War II. 

Where are the modern reincarnations of  Ernie Pyle?  Do you think they are working for Fox News?  Is Fox producing anything like the efforts produced

http://journalism.indiana.edu/resources/erniepyle/wartime-columns/

by Ernie Pyle?

Herb Caen said (or wrote):  “ The trouble with born again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.”  Amen.

Now, the disk jockey will play some pop songs from 1945: “Til the end of time” (how long will the Bush wars last?), “It’s been a long, long time,” and “Dig you later.”  We gotta split.  Have a “Who threw the whisky in the well” type week.

Modern beatniks?

The folks at Tillamook cheese have fielded an effort that sounds like professionals going “on the road.”

http://loaflovetour.com/

Wish I could have applied for a job with them.

Two new ones

I posted this column on Bartcop

http://bartblog.bartcop.com/2010/06/06/trouble-over-bart-cop-case/

and this one on Daily Kos

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2010/6/6/873472/-Life-Imitates-Art

It’s easier to post the links than to repost both columns.

It’s easier for the world’s laziest journalist to do it this way.

Over and out.

Two more columns in the done column

I posted these two columns else where on the Internets today

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2010/6/13/875618/-Explaining-the-Greene-Miracle-

http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/bob-patterson/29433/donating-hair-to-help-fight-the-oil-spill

You want columns?

We have posted some new columns
http://bartblog.bartcop.com/2010/06/20/didn%e2%80%99t-jean-valjean-know-about-dumpster-diving/

http://smirkingchimp.com/thread/bob-patterson/29629/ridiculing-hunger-for-fun-and-profit

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2010/6/20/877843/-Does-BP-owe-Greenpeace-reparations-$-$-$-

The free press as Cheshire Cat

The Quislings who tout America’s free press seem to have forgotten or are ignoring the dire predictions in the 1947 Hutchins Commission’s Report on the press which warned:  “As the importance of communication has increased, its control has come into fewer hands.”

In analyzing the Hutchins Report, Louis M. Lyons said:  “It is directly because newspaper publishers as a class are among the most conservative groups in America that newspaper performance is as uninspired, as unoriginal, and uninformed as it is.”

Zechariah Chaffee, Jr. agreed:  “The sovereign press for the most part acknowledge accountability to no one except its owners and publishers.”

In an effort to compile an accurate assessment of the quality of Rupert Murdock’s job performance as America’s Editor-in-chief, we picked up a copy of Carl Jensen’s book, “20 Years of Censored News” (copyrighted 1997), and started to see if the underreported stories from 1976 to 1995 indicate that the Hitchins Commission was a misguided example of ducky-lucky style overreaction or if it was a spot-on example of prescient concern.

Project Censored in those twenty years focused attention on stories that are still not going to get much time on Fox. 

In 1976 their number four story was “Why oil prices go up.”

The topic of Illegal aliens was their number ten story in 1977.  Since 1977 the USA has been under the control of Republican Presidents for ten of the ensuing 33 years.  Apparently the Republicans have gotten their act together now and will solve this problem if they can get their guy into the White House in 2012.

Project Censored’s number three story in 1978 was “The Government’s War on Scientist Who Know Too Much.”  Were they worried about the polar bears back then?  No.  They thought radiation in a workplace might cause cancer.

PBS as the “oil network” was the Project Censored number eight story for 1979.  The ads don’t have any effect on editorial content now do they?

In 1980 the number two stories was about NSA eavesdropping on Americans.  How else where they going to protect us from a potential 9-11?

1981 #3  The story asserted that Camp Libertad in Florida was training folks to become terrorists. 

1982 # 6  The story was Ronald Reagan as America’s Chief censor.  David Burnham, in the New York Times reported:  “In its first 21 months in office, the Reagan Administration has taken several actions that reduce the information available to the public about the operation of the government, the economy, the environment, and public health.”  Wasn’t he just trying to help Rupert protect you from news that would spoil your digestion? 

1983 #10  “The DOD’s Cost-plus Contracting System Taxpayer Swindle”  How ya gonna make a profit on World Peace?

1984 # CIA and the Death Squads – Immoral and Illegal

1985 #5  Media Merger Mania Threatens Free Flow of Information

1986 #2  Official U.S. Censorship:  Less Access to Less Information

1987 #1  The Information Monopoly  #4  Reagan’s Mania for Secrecy:  Decisions Without Democracy

1988 #1  George (H. W.) Bush’s Dirty Big Secrects  #2 How the EPA Pollutes the News and the Dioxin Cover-up  #6 America’s Secret Police Network – LEIU Part II (It was also their #6 story in 1978)  #9  U.S. Refuses to Abide by International Court of Justice (Whew!  Thank God for that.  Otherwise George W. Bush Jr. might be dragged off and be subjected to a War Crimes Trial conducted by foreigners!)

1989 #1 Global Media Lords Threaten Open Marketplace of Ideas  #8  Biased and Censored News at CBS and the Wall Street Journal 

1990 #1 The Gulf War: Truth was the First Casualty  #3 The CIA Role in the Savings and Loan Crisis  #5  Continued Media Blackout of Drug War Fraud  #9  Where Was George (H. W. Bush) During the Iran-contra Affair? 

1991 #1 CBS and NBC Spiked Footage of Iraq Bombing Carnage  #2  Operation Censored War  #6  No Evidence of Iraqi Threat to Saudi Arabia  #10  The Bush Family and Its Conflicts of Interest 

1992 #The Great Media Sell-Out to Reaganism  #3 Censored Election Year Issues  #7  Trashing Federal Regulations for Corporate Contributions  #8  Government secrecy Makes a Mockery of Democracy  #9  How Advertising Pressure Can Corrupt a Free Press 

1993 # The Real Welfare Cheats:  America’s Corporations 

1994 #9  The Pentagon’s Mysterious HAARP Project 

1995 #4  The Privatization of the Internet

This list was compiled in a capricious and arbitrary manner from the book which lists ten under reported stories for each of the twenty years covered in the book.  Add to that the fact that they have listed ten stories for each of the intervening fifteen years, and you would have a list of 350 topics, which is way to long to hold most readers’ interest; hence the abbreviated list.

Does it seem like this list is a quant exorcize in nostalgia or is it closer to an accurate forecast of what was to be expected during the George W. Bush era?

Ironically, Project Censored is currently (like many websites delivering progressive punditry) seeking contributions to continue their efforts to circumvent a complete bamboozlement of the public while conservative media seem immune to the harsh effects of Bush’s economic legacy.

Newspaper and TV station owners are strongly denying that the Supreme Court decision permitting corporations to pay for ads aimed at voters will be a windfall to them and their businesses.  Is it logical to think that running the ads will add to those media’s overhead costs and are not to be perceived as unexpected bonuses.  Extra ads won’t be a bonus?  If you believe that you’ll believe that George W. Bush was an F-102 pilot.

Where is America’s free press?

Edward R. Murrow, in a speech title “Why Should News Come in 5-Minute Packages?,” (efforts to find a transcript online were unsuccessful) said:  “For if the premise upon which our pluralistic society rests – which, as I understand it, is that if the people are given sufficient undiluted information, they will then somehow, even after long sober, second thoughts, reach the right decision – if that premise is wrong, then not only the corporate image but the corporations are done for.” 

Little did he realize that it was news delivered by a free press that was doomed. 

Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (AKA Lewis Carroll), in “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” wrote:  “‘All right,’ said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.”

Now the disk jockey will play the soundtrack album from “Newsies,” Roy Orbison’s “Paper Boy,” and the Beatles’ “A day in the life.”   We have to go search for a scoop.  Have a “stop the press!” type week.

This just in . . .

The latest efforts from the World’s Laziest Journalist can be seen by clicking on these links

http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/bob-patterson/29742/do-republicans-have-a-god-given-right-to-be-disingenuous

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2010/6/27/879795/-Revisiting-Lost-Island

http://bartblog.bartcop.com/2010/06/27/do-republicans-have-a-god-given-right-to-be-disingenuous/

Is it 1984 again already?

Before writing this column, it seemed prudent to do some fact checking.  We intended to start with a reference to a Republican talking point about the statute of limitations for war crimes imposing a shrinking window of opportunity for any war crimes trial for George W. Bush.  Repeated Google searches confirmed that he had been President and some Nazis had been tried for war crimes.  Our recollection of talking points about a statute of limitations for war crimes continued to elude our Google searches.  That, in turn, reminded us of Orwell’s 1984; “And if all others accepted the lie which the Party imposed – if all records told the same tale – then the lie passed into history and became truth.” 

We had intended to use a specific quote about Bush racing against the statute of limitations as the basis for this column, but since we don’t have access to Lexis/Nexis; we couldn’t find any such quote and so it becomes an exercise in futility. 

We had intended to ridicule the concept that there is a statue of limitations for war crimes.  If such a concept had been cited as the Bush term in office drew to a close, then America’s free press would have pointed out the absurdity of the idea, wouldn’t they . . .  or is the concept of a free press a false memory?

When both CBS TV and the New York Times ran items about Jeb Bush recently, it was immediately followed by a Chris Wallace reference to the possibility of a third member of the Bush White House dynasty.  That, in turn, reminded this columnist that there is an unrelenting avalanche of pro-Bush propaganda that is cheerfully dumped on a (mostly) unsuspecting audience of gullible rubes by the alleged “free press.” 

If Jeb is going to be the next President, why bother to write a column about the possibility of war crimes committed by a member of the Bush family?

“This process of continuous alteration was applied not only to newspapers, but to books, periodicals, pamphlets, posters, leaflets, films, sound tracks, cartoons, photographs – to every kind of literature or documentation which might conceivably hold any political or ideological significance.”  After 9-11, there were some unsubstantiated reports that movies containing shots with the World Trade Center twin tower buildings were altered and the buildings eliminated from the images.

Could Jeb be elected President while the New York Time refrained from once mentioning the Broward Savings and Loan facet of the Bush Family History?  Didn’t they recently admit that they <a href =http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/01/nyt-responds-to-study-abo_n_632724.html>didn’t call waterboarding torture</a> because of a Bush Family edict?  Isn’t it reasonable to assume if they voluntarily submitted once to the Bush Editorial Guidelines, they’d do it again?  (and again . . . and again . . . and again . . .?)

We had a recnet chat with a fellow, Gentle Waters, who covered some of Berkeley’s most famous protests for the now defunct Berkeley Barb weekly newspaper.  He agreed that using the electronic voting machines would facilitate the return of the Bush dynasty to the White House. 

Did the soldiers in WWII fight to establish such a mockery of democracy in action?  At the same time we met the former member of the Barb staff, we came across a 1945 copy of “The Best From YANK The Army Weekly” and were astonished to find that at least one solider specifically said he was against that future phenomenon.  In a poem titled “A Plea to the Post-War Planners, T/Sgt. Philip Reisman USMC wrote (E. P. Dutton & Co hardback p-97):  “ . . . I’ve little use for synthesized soup, or operas (soapy) televised, or trips to Mars in Roman candles, or caskets trimmed with Lucite handles, or wireless ballots for brainless voters, or Buicks with transparent motors . . .”

Here’s a difficult question for a conservative.  Ask: “Will George W. Bush use the statute of limitations to avoid a War Crimes Trial?”  It assumes that Bush was a war criminal and just narrows the focus down to a binary choice:  will he or won’t he skate?  Wouldn’t the concept of a statute of limitations for war crimes give Adolph Eichmann a good laugh? 

When George W. Bush stepped down from the Presidency, some references were made about time running out for any War Crime Trials.  The collaborators in the “free press” kept a straight face and refused to ask the antagonistic question about “Where did you get the absurd notion that war crimes have a statute of limitations?”  Instead they just pass along the phony Republican talking point and essentially become accessories after the fact for the war crimes. 

Chris Wallace will be remembered for being the first to speculate about a Jeb presidency, but the big opportunity for a “journalist” to shamelessly suck up to the Bush family and win brownie points will come this fall after the electronic voting machines are used to prime the pump for a Jeb win in 2012 by giving a Republican majority to both the House and the Senate.  Who will be the first “journalist” to anoint Jeb as the frontrunner? 

Won’t the fellow, who sets the precedence for the rest of the media to meekly follow, get “mega-dittos” praise for his valiant effort to do the John the Baptist routine for the Jebster? 

Would it be good marketing to call the younger Bush Dubya’s Big Brother as a way of reinforcing the dynasty meme?

Since Jeb was the governator of Florida, isn’t there ample opportunity now for him to step up to the network microphones and criticize President Obama for the oil spills that are arriving at the various Florida beaches this summer?  Couldn’t the sycophant “free press” skip over the process of the coronation of Jeb as front runner and cut right to crafting Jeb’s image as the leading spokesman for the Republican Party? 

A journalist might point out that it would be odd to have Jeb blaming Obama for a policy of dispensing with oversight and regulation that was instituted by George W. Bush, but there is precious little danger of a bonafide journalist saying anything about a member of the Bush family that isn’t pure unadulterated admiration.  Only the lunatics known as extreme left bloggers can say anything that smacks of disrespect for the Bush dynasty and they are merely tolerated as if they are America’s official crazy uncle.

For cynical columnists the summer of 2010 may be remembered as being similar to the minutes at a Rolling Stone concert when the audience’s collective nerves are stretched to the breaking point as they wait for Bill Graham to come on stage and say the magic incantation:  “Ladies and gentlemen, it’s all about to happen . . . .”  Just like a concert featuring the greatest Rock and Roll band, America will, this summer, work themselves into a frenzy of anticipation as “America’s next President” sits in the green room and waits for the paperless trail electronic voting machines to do their job.  A Republican majority in the House and Senate will be installed this fall.  Jeb will be anointed “frontrunner.”  He’ll be elected in 2012 and the restoration of the Bush dynasty will be complete. 

The compliant “free press” can do their part by beseeching Jeb for a statement about the arrival of the oil spill on Florida’s beeches and not blink an eye when his unbiased assessment is:  “It’s all Obama’s fault.”

Orwell predicted:  “The enemy of the moment always represented absolute evil, and it followed that a past or future agreement with him was impossible.”  Hence an endless war is not just inevitable; it is the ultimate goal.  Isn’t it obvious that Jeb will do a better job than Obama when he takes the helm as commander-in-chief?  The inauguration of a member of a dynasty will convey the proper image for thinking of the fighting for the pipeline in Afghanistan as an endless process that will be passed from generation to generation and not a passing fade.

Marty McFly said:  “If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.”  He forgot to add that if a member of the Bush family puts his mind to it and if that is augmented by the paper trail-less electronic voting machines; it’s a “gimme.

For those who think that electronic voting machines shouldn’t be a <I>daily cause</I> for concern, maybe they should call the Mike Malloy radio program this week and ask guest host Brad Friedman, if such concern is a bit of “Duckly Lucky” alarmism in action or not.

Perhaps it was Barbara Bush who expressed the Bush family political philosophy when she said:  “This is working out quite well for them; isn’t it?”

Now the disk jockey will play the 1984 hits:  “Ghostbusters,”  “Karma Chameleon” and “Church of the Poison Mind.”  We have to go road test the new Flux Capacitor.  Have a “thought crime” free type week.

Just don’t ask; OK?

Skeptics might question the assertion that “America is being trained to accept all unexplained phenomenon without asking any questions” and demand some evidence to back it up because nature abhors a vacuum and people just naturally want answers when the “Why?” question pops up.  On the other hand, if they are being trained to do that, they might not bother reading this column.

Can anyone who is not one of those conspiracy theory lunatics provide an explanation for phenomenon such as:Building Seven falls down

No photos of the airplane hitting the Pentagon have ever turned up.

Bush really thought Saddam helped al Qaeda and had WMD’s so an invasion was necessary.  Now, reasons seem so irrelevant. 

John Kerry was going to protest the Ohio results, next day his attitude had suddenly become:  “no problem.”

Candidate Obama disapproved of Americans getting killed in Afghanistan, after being sworn in, it was suddenly a case of needing a new application of the surge strategy.

There were other times when nagging questions went begging.

First accounts of the flight 800 disaster contained descriptions of a missile being seen, then it morphed into “explosion in the fuel tank.”

A swarthy gentleman who got away was reported to be part of the group of suspects for the explosion at the Alfred P. Murrah Building in Oklahoma, and then it became more of a “lone gunman” type operation.

Howard Dean was an inconvenient frontrunner.  He whooped it up at a victory party, and then John Kerry was quickly anointed “frontrunner.”  Did the press ever try to explain that clever bit of politics?

Democrats were concerned that the electronic voting machines were suborning democracy, and then Senator Obama became the first African American to be elected President.  The attitude changed to:  “No worries mate.” 

Immediately after President Obama was inaugurated, the media went wild with conjecture about the prospects for the Republican Party to survive.  Now, the press calmly reports that a shift back to a Republican majority in the Congress and the Senate is to be expected.  What ever happened to the old concept of a “nose for news”?  Isn’t any reporter going to attempt the monumental challenge of explaining just how that big of a change occurred (stealth style) so fast?  If they value a regular paycheck, they won’t.

This columnist notes that no one has resurrected the old cliché about “charisma” to explain the baffling aspect of the Alvin Greene win in the South Carolina Democratic Primary.  Hey, that as good as any other explanation available to the public.

The next “elephant in the room” question seems to be:  If the Republicans have said that they will (in effect) play a passive-aggressive game while Obama is President, why would America opt for a two year stalemate during hard times?  (The Stephanie Miller radio show recently played a sound byte of Republican John Boehner saying, at the time President Obama was sworn in, that the Republicans would in effect use the passive-aggressive tactic to sabotage the Democrat’s entire term in office. )  The prospect of a reversal in Congress and the Senate back to a Republican majority carries with it the implied prospect for giving President Obama the longest “lame duck” period in American History.  Why (the ***k) would America want to do that?  Oh, sorry we forgot:  “don’t ask don’t tell.”

Does the prospect of the longest lame duck period in American History during tough times conjure up the image in the news photo of a fellow holding off police while pointing a gun to is own head?

Here’s a bonus question:  If we have just raised some valid points, why the heck is it up to an online pundit, who would much rather be taking photos at this weekend’s Second Annual <a href =http://www.sfconcours.com/index.html>San Francisco Presidio Concours D Elegance</a> auto event, to bring up these questions? 

If these are valid points will my readers send a link for this column to their favorite paid pundit?  If that’s the case, then shame, shame on the media stars for too many job failulrues. 

If these are not valid points, and if I hip my readers to some interesting obscure items (and resurrect some forgotten musical memories) while asking irrelevant questions, we have to ask:  Is there any harm in that?  Don’t school teachers say that the only stupid questions are the ones that folks don’t ask?

Did someone just say that this columnist can’t produce interesting items that haven’t already appeared on the the Huffington Post website?  Has the Huff-po covered this:  while looking for a website for sharing <a href =http://www.busspotting.com/>bus-spotting</a> photos, we discovered that the bus spotting site was hipping their readers to the <a href =http://www.dw-world.de/dw/article/0,2144,3394237,00.html>Deutsche Welle story</a> about the old folks homes in Germany that are finding it useful to build faux bus stops out front where the old people can sit contentedly while waiting for nonexistent buses to arrive?  We passed that along to the Jalopnik tips editor. 

In the July 8, 2010, hard copy edition of “The Daily Californian,” we found on page 2 a story by Rebecca Xing detailing how hard the recession is hitting hotels in the San Francisco bay area.  When we went to e-mail a link for the Internet version of the story to a Berkeley neighbor, we discovered that the story wasn’t available at that paper’s online website.  We were about to ask our self:  “Why?,” but we successfully stifled the impulse immediately.

If (note the use of the subjunctive mood – we don’t want to be labeled a conspiracy nut) the country is being set up to experience the longest lame duck phase of any presidency in the country’s history, why don’t the paid pundits have to explain this anomaly?  They  have no reluctance on election eve to say authoritatively what the voters were thinking, so why are they just ignoring this big (apparent) U-turn in the public’s attitude?  So along comes this big turnabout and the paid pundits worry about a little ole oil spill instead?  Sounds like a diversionary tactic to this columnist. 

In 1968, in his standard campaign speech Senator Bobby Kennedy, used to end by using a George Bernard Shaw quote:  “You see things; and you say:  “Why?”  But I dream things that never were; and I say, “Why not?” 

The press used to use the quote as the signal to head to the press bus to go on to the next stop.  As an inside joke, one time the Senator changed the wording and switched it to “ . . . I dream of things that never were; and I say, ‘Head for the bus.’”  The press got the joke; the audience was baffled.

Now the disk jockey will play the Who’s “The Magic Bus,” Pat Boone’s “Why Baby Why,” and Marinanne Faithful’s “Why’d ya do it?”  We have to head for the bus going to SF (with a flower in our hair?).  Have a “Why ask ‘Why?’” type week.

The Column that couldn’t be posted on Daily Kos

What would a columnist say if he were assigned to hype a hypothetical cage match between Hitler and George W. Bush?  Could he add a new point that hasn’t been made previously?

Obviously the public is weary of being reminded of the most apparent salient points such as: 

Hitler won his country’s top military honor in battle; George W wasn’t it combat.

Hitler wrote a book that sold widely; George W’s book may have ben ghost written.

Hitler was a mesmerizing public speaker; George W inspired yawns.

George W.  Bush would have to be declared more cunning and conniving than the German who precipitated the Second World War and if you are living in a country going to war, that’s the kind of guy best suited for the driver’s seat.

Hitler took extensive measures to make sure that his people were unaware that he and his men were committing war crimes.  Folks were fearful that bad things would happen to the people who were interrogated by the Geheime Staatspolitzi (AKA Ge-sta-po) but they never knew for sure what the specifics were.  Thus when the details were revealed during the Nuremburg War Crimes Trials, citizens of Germany were genuinely shocked and ashamed to learn what their leader had done in their name.

Hitler didn’t involve the citizens of his country as co-conspirators in his war crimes.

George W. Bush’s diabolical game plan included the 2003 revelation of complete details for his method of questioning terrorism suspects and after those questioning methods were made public there were very few voices raised in opposition.  Thus if (trolls please note the use of the subjunctive mood here) Bush committed any war crimes by using waterboarding and other harsh measures, the citizens of the United States would have to be considered as possible accessories during and after the fact. 

Hitler wasn’t included in the list of defendants at Nuremburg.  He was not even listed as a defendant being tried in absentia.  His team did stand in the prisoners docket and it became obvious during the Nuremburg trials that most of the German citizens were just as shocked and surprised by the offences as was the rest of the world. 

Bush’s use of waterboarding may have helped enliven some barroom debates, but it never spurred any serious denunciations from the country’s mass media, the country’s clergy, nor even much of the citizenry. 

By enlisting the country as accessories to his methodology, George W. Bush insured himself against any serious threat that he would ever face any legal consequences in his own country’s judicial system.  His defense would have to be:  “Sorry, <I>we</I> goofed!”  Any guilty verdict would have to be tantamount to saying:  “<I>We</I> sure did!” and that’s not a bloody well likely scenario in a country that portrays itself as “the Goodguys” (and we don’t mean hippies who scored the famous WMCA T-shirt in the Sixties).

Statistically Germany is a Catholic country and maybe der Fuhrur knew that he couldn’t intimidate the Pope (Pius XII) into giving his imprimatur to the torture, so he kept it hidden, but future dictators (and Presidents) have learned from Bush; if a country is going to sin it is best they do so openly without any hint of an admission of guilt or shame. 

Imagine, if you will, that legendary aviatrix Hanna Reitsch had managed to take Germany’s chancellor with her when she made her legendary escape from Berlin in an Arado 96 airplane as the war came to an end.  Can you envision that it’s two or three years later and you spot a billboard in Berlin during the airlift portraying the former leader (Grand Admiral Karl Doenitz was named as the successor) with the caption:  “Do you miss me yet?”  Obviously it would be in German and use the Schwaben style font. 

To put things in their proper perspective just imagine that sometime in 1955 Huntley or Brinkley traveled to Germany and got an exclusive interview with the retired dictator on his ranch in Bavaria and that he smirked and tossed off a line about “I consulted the best legal minds available before sanctioning the waterboarding.”  That hypothetical scoop will give readers a fair idea of which of the two was a better con man.  It should be a gimme to see that Bush is much more devious and treacherous than the vegetarian (who distained smoking) could ever hope to have been.  Only one of them connived to include all citizens as accessories to their torture program. 

Neither Hitler nor Bush have ever been charged with (let alone convicted of) war crimes in court, so it seems that unless such a hypothetical grudge match could actually be held, their respective fans will (like the continuing sixties debate:  Beatles or Stones) have something to debate every time they meet.

Hitler had a gimpy arm and Bush has been called a bully so our money would be on GWB if (in a Twilight Zone world) the cage match actually were to take place.

We were going to use what Robert Frost wrote (“Most of the change we think we see in life/Is due to truths being in and out of favor.”) as the column’s closing (apropos) quote but on the way to the Berkeley Public Library to use the wifi connection to post this column, we ran the premise of a Bush-Hitler cage match past Allison of Home 101 on Shattuck and she had a better one.  She said:  “They’d just give up and become friends!”

Now the disk jockey will play play Wayne Newton’s “Danker Schoen,” and two by the Andrews sisters:  “The Beer Barrel Polka” and “Bei Mir Bist Du Schon.” We have to go to Oakland and post bail for a friend.  Have a “hunker in the bunker” type week.

Deja vu in 2012?

[<B>Warning:  Liberals with heart conditions, this column may cause seizures</B>.]

While writing a rough draft for a mostly whimsical column that would assess the summer of 2010 from the hypothetical point of view of a future historian looking back at it, we came across a Huffingtonpost story <a href =

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/15/the-bush-revival-how-jeb_n_647403.html

about Jeb Bush</a>  and realized that the Huffington story augmented by a series of similar items might, in retrospect, be recognized as a very important harbinger of the United States’ political future.

To get Jeb Bush elected as the President of the United States (POTUS) in 2012, legitimately or not, one would have to prepare the country in advance for such a potentially (to some) distressing result.  If it is predestined to happen, it would be very prudent to plant a series of “news” stories assuming that such an election result were possible.  Otherwise if it just came to be that Jeb started winning primary contests in early 2012, some of America’s less gullible citizens might raise a hue and cry.  If, however, the free press would show their sportsmanship and help set the stage, it could go a long way towards sidestepping a rancorous national debate about the need for a continuation of the Bush Dynasty.

In the realm of deceptive activity designed to fleece an unsuspecting victim of his/her money a common factor is often an assistant who seemingly is a stranger to both parties and who provides a “count me in” factor to the proceedings that is designed to alleviate any of the victim’s points of objection.  People tend to be reluctant to be the first to make a move but they also tend to have a flock mentality when a trend gains traction. 

Thus, if some political strategist (with a tendency to play his role in a Svengali/Merlin manner) is calling the shots, the press can play the role of the “count me in” accomplice by rehabilitating the rather tarnished image of the Bush family.  A complicit press could help refurbish that image as one of an American tradition that has suffered a temporary setback rather than a total derailment via the low public opinion of the last President.  With the press’ reputation for truthfulness and integrity (imagine it in terms of Edward R. Murrow doing a “Person to Person” interview with Jeb in his home [or is it “one of his homes”?] with lotsa “softball questions.”), they could do a great deal to help restore the tarnished Bush brand name back to its former eminence. 

Obviously this sounds outlandishly implausible, but if someone told the reader back in the “Impeach Clinton now!” phase of the country’s history that the Republicans would win the next election in the conservative majority Supreme Court and then pull off an even more impossible upset in 2004, who would have believed it back then?

Quite often historians find the most fascinating items go mostly unnoticed while they are part of the contemporary news scene.  Hence, we strongly assert that folks, coping with foreclosure or not, pay more attention to the stories about Jeb and ask themselves if such items are a legitimate examples of a “nose for news” journalistic value judgment or if they are part of a concerted effort to set the USA up for yet another con job. 

It could be that the Summer of 2010 will, some day, be remembered in some obscure and esoteric example of historians scholarship as the time when the World’s Laziest Journalist posted the first claxon alarm about the next successful Republican presidential campaign.

For the time being, such a premise will, for the most part, be blithely dismissed as being inconsequential alarmism.  So noted.  We now return you to our regularly scheduled whimsical column about the Summer of 2010:

Mel Gibson made an audition tape for his efforts to be hired as Uncle Rushbo’s occasional fill-in replacement and when it fell into the wrong hands it got misrepresented in the media and that got him into an embarrassing position.  On the tape did he say anything that would cost him his job if he were saying it on the air from the Excellence In Broadcasting studios?

If Lenny Bruce were still alive would he be fostering a comedy genre called “slick” humor?

Being alive in the summer of BP love is providing curmudgeons with a smorgasbord of news stories just bound to please the “you kids stay off my lawn” style grouches while sending the far lefties into the throes of agony.

The Republicans are castigating (careful with that word) President Obama for fighting a war in Afghanistan that is unwinnable (Word spell-check, like many Republicans, refuses to accept the existence of that word).  Didn’t George W. Bush hand his war off to his successor and wasn’t that a bit like when that silly bird hands the coyote the lit stick of trinitrotoluene (AKA TNT)? 

What grump wouldn’t like the Eddie Haskell-ish trick of wrecking the economy and then ridiculing the folks collecting unemployment during the succeeding administration’s effort to restore prosperity?

Is there a misanthrope alive this summer that doesn’t see that the way to explain Alvin Greene’s meteoric rise to fame and political prominence can be explained by the old concept of “charisma”?  

Isn’t it a shame that cartoonist <a href = http://www.charlesaddams.com/>Charles Addams</a> didn’t live until “death panels” became one of Uncle Rushbo’s recurring leitmotifs?

Back in the Sixties, liberal writers in the mainstream media (MSM) who couldn’t write about very liberal programs and ideas learned they could pull an end-run on the conservative publishers by doing trend spotting stories about people with liberal points of view.  For instance the New York media heavy hitters who couldn’t be anti Vietnam War in their stories could write about folks who were such as Bob Dylan and Hunter S. Thompson and the Rolling Stone magazine.  That brought bigger audiences to those cultural phenomenons which, in turn, helped them get their message out to a bigger audience.  That way the frustrated writers on the nationally respected media plantations could claim that they had (indirectly) helped spread the liberal memes. 

Does Sean Hannity or Bill O’Reilly ever mention online sites that pointed out the shortcomings of the Bush Junta?  If there is a new online equivalent of the Berkeley Barb or the East Village Other will they ever become a cultural force thanks to trend spotting stories in the MSM?  Is helping to stifle voices of dissention a stealth way to help conservatives?

Does Murdock’s media ever criticize BP?  Was it a group of rogue miscreants who arranged for the Lockerby prisoner to go free in return for some off shore drilling rights from Libya?

Summer of 2010 was also when scientists made news by studying the DNA of Ozzy Osbourne.  It was when the “cheesy easy song of the day” on the True Oldies Channel was in its first year of existence.  It was also (personal note alert) when this columnist discovered Joe R. Lansdale, the man we proclaim to be the heir to wear the “best living” mantle at the next convention (known as <a href = http://www.bcon2010.com/> Bouchercon</a>) of hard-boiled detective story writers.  BTW the convention will be held in San Francisco!

Will the summer of 2010 be referred to by techies as: “when Apple made their Edsel”?

In the summer of 2010, the conservatives are having a ball laughing at dumpster diving for kids and folks running out of their unemployment checks.  Those compassionate conservative Christians are such cut-ups, aren’t they?  The web site <a href = http://teapartyjesus.tumblr.com/ >Tea Party Jesus</a> puts conservative quotes in the mouth of Christ.  It’s meant as irony.

You can help the restoration of the Bush family dynasty by writing to the managing editors of all national mainstream media and demanding that they omit any mention of , <a href = http://www.campaignwatch.org/more1.htm >Broward Savings and Loan</a> from their suck-up “news” stories.

Senator Jim Bunning’s famous “Tough shit!” line may be a strong contender for the 2010 quote of the year.

Now the disk jockey will play “19^th Nervous Breakdown,” the “Easy Rider” soundtrack album, and “Helter Skelter.”  We have to go check out the topic of how to get a bet, on Jeb in 2012, with long odds, down now in Vegas.  Have a “<a href =

http://greatbutforgotten.blogspot.com/>Great But Forgotten</a>” type week.

The Brinker-Quixote Syndrome?

The New York Time’s recent obituary for Rev. William R. Callahan stated that the death had been announced by the Quixote Center.  That was the first this columnist had ever heard of that group and we wondered if, in this age of ubiquitous awards ceremonies, they hand out kudos and statuettes annually to people who attempt the impossible.  Everyone knows that if God intended for man to fly He would have given homo sapiens wings, but that doesn’t mean that those crazy Wright Brothers don’t deserve an award for trying.

A recent online article by Allison Kilkenny informed readers about a study that concluded that partisan citizens are not prone to being <a href =http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/allison-kilkenny/30081/bad-news-facts-dont-matter>converted by facts</a>, so it becomes obvious that the “preaching to the choir” aspect of political commentary carries with it a meager payoff and that is about all those with a liberal point of view can expect for their efforts.

Those two bits of news added together make it extremely poignant for a fellow who learned that any contributed content (to a certain other liberal web site) concerning the possibility that the Republicans would use the electronic voting machines without a paper trail to rig elections in favor of their own candidates earned him a chance to be (as they say in drinker’s terminology) 86’ed off the site.  The very idea was denounced as being a conspiracy theory indicating the writer had lapsed into lunacy.  Whatever.  The bottom line is that only one of two conclusions can be reached.  So what binary choice does that indicate?

Well, if the columnist turns out to have been correct in his assessment of the situation, after the ambush is unleashed and (as a hypothetical example) a Republican, backed by a Republican majority house and Senate, is sworn in as President in January of 2013, then the inauguration will provide the writer with a pyrrhic victory that is filled with a bitter taste and an opportunity to produce eight more years of (Jeb) Bush-bashing columns.

Conversely, if this year’s fall elections and the Presidential election in 2012 turn out to be overwhelming mandates for Obama and the Democrats to “continue doing what you’re doing,” then the ostracism of the “rigged elections” point of view will have been a bit of digital streamlining that – while seeming to be a contradiction in the “free exchange of concepts and ideas” policy espoused by the non-ditto-head faction – will turn out to have been (in retrospect) an example of editing efficiency. 

This columnist knows positively that he has been wrong before (Native Dancer had a lock on the Kentucky Derby’s winner circle until Dark Star blew past in the stretch) and so we’ll try to turn our attention to more mundane matters while we await the mid term mandate for Obama to appear via the election night stats on the TV screens across America.

One of the liberal radio personalities (Tom Hartman?) pointed out that the conservatives are saying that President Obama is taking too many vacation days.  When Bush was President the liberals said the same thing.  At this point in the presidency, Bush had taken 96 vacation days and Obama has taken 36.  Good thing facts can’t be used to dissuade fanatical Republicans, eh?

What compassionate conservative Christian wouldn’t be enthusiastic about ending unemployment benefits for his neighbors as a way of paying for a war that is killing dozens of infidels?  Actually in a country full of homeless people and empty homes that have been foreclosed, a policy of guns not butter makes complete sense.

President Obama has encouraged folks to visit the Gulf region where it is allegedly a case of business as usual.  Trouble is, if we do that and accidentally wind up too close to an oil boom, we can not afford the $40,000 fine for blogging without BP’s permission, so our financially motivated response is:  “We’ll take your word for it, Mr. President.” 

Back in the Vietnam War era, wasn’t it an in thing for celebrities to get arrested in anti-war demonstrations?  If Hunter S. Thompson were still alive wouldn’t he go down to the oil spill and get arrested for reporting just to make a point?  Why can’t Brian Williams be Hunter’s proxy? 

Can’t you just picture Bob Schieffer being hauled off in handcuffs?  Then wouldn’t his brother, Tom Schieffer, call his friend and former business partner George W. Bush and put the fixeroo on that situation? 

Speaking of folks going to jail, it would make a good column if we could find out if Paris Hilton will visit Lindsey Lohan while she is incarcerated.  Ms. Hilton has been maintaining a low profile since her well publicized “house arrest” stint.  We thought she was going to become an activist publicizing the plight of people with claustrophobia who are forced to serve a time in a jail cell. 

Don Quixote spent a lot of time tilting at windmills.  Hans Brinker saved the day for the country of windmills.  When it comes time to write a column that a topic that the writer thinks is extremely important, how can he know if it will be a “saved the day” effort of just another variation of the Sisyphus assignment? 

This columnist has tried to convince folks that the electronic voting machines can and are being used by the Republicans to micromanage the election results, but very few people will listen and fewer can be convinced that it is happening.  (Picture Kevin McCarthy yelling:  “They’re here!”)  Unfortunately, it turns out that the Quixote Center doesn’t seem to hand out awards for exorcises in futility.

The <a href =http://quixote.org/about>Quixote Center</a> describes itself online by saying this:  “a band of ‘impossible dreamers’ who joined together in 1976. We are a multi-issue, grassroots social justice organization with roots in the Catholic social justice tradition. Independent of church and government structures, the Center operates with an understanding that an educated and engaged citizenry is essential to making social change. For over 30 years, the Quixote Center has gathered together people of faith and conscience to organize highly effective campaigns for systemic change.

We draw inspiration from the satiric idealism and gentle madness of Cervantes’ dauntless Don Quixote. We trace our roots to the Gospel and the Catholic social justice tradition; but today, we gather people of faith and conscience from many diverse traditions to share our common quest for justice and peace. We work on issues of justice with people who have few other resources. By laughing a bit in the midst of struggle, we gain strength and heart to sustain our efforts for a more just and peaceful world.”

Since this columnist is a duly ordained minister; by the powers granted to me by the state of California, I hereby declare that the attempt to achieve the impossible will henceforth be yclept “the Brinker-Quixote Syndrome.” 

If the New York Times does a feature story on the Quixote Center, we’ll always wonder:  Did their obit inspire the follow-up, or did this column?

What does that leave to use as a column topic?

Would it take much time (and get many hits?) to bang out a column about:  <a href= http://www.comic-con.org/cci/> Comic-con 2010</a>, The <a href = http://www.sloppyjoes.com/lookalikes.htm>Hemingway Days Look-alike contest at Sloppy Joe’s</a>, or  <a href = http://www.netrootsnation.org/>Netroots Nation</a>?

Maybe we could go and cover the annual <a href = http://www.airventure.org/planning/schedules_maps.html>Oskosh Air Show</a> and on the way back stop and see the <a href = http://www.sturgis.com/>Seventhieth Annual Motorcycle Rally in Sturgis</a>?

Are you aware that there is a Hokonui Moonshine Museum in Gore, New Zeland? 

Maybe we’ll just stay home and see if we can catch Rush Limaugh in a rare bit of extreme exaggeration or his first flat out fib? 

Wait!  This just in!  It’s about time for this year’s winners of the Emperor Norton Awards to be announced.  The award is given for “extraordinary invention and creativity unhindered by the constraints of paltry reason,” in memory of Joshua Norton I, Emperor of the United States of America and Protector of Mexico.  Heck no conspiracy theories there, eh?

Yogi Berra has (supposedly) said:  “You can’t think and hit at the same time.”  The same principle, during the electronic voting machine era, also applies for watching election eve voting results.

Now the disk jockey will play the “Man of La Mancha” soundtrack album, “When You Wish Upon a Star” and Jerry Reed’s “Eastbound and Down.”  We gotta go check out why our name fell off the voter registration rolls and we had to cast a “provisional” ballot for the recall election when Arnold Schwarzenegger suddenly replaced the Democratic governor of California.  On second thought, why bother?  It will only sound like a conspiracy theory.  Have a Barron Munchausen type week.

When the truth is found to be irrelevant to newscasts

How disconcerting would it be if Rush Limbaugh, Randi Rhodes, and Mike Malloy agreed on something? – Anything?  On Wednesday, July 21, 2012, this columnist was totally flummoxed to hear that all three of those radio personalities were telling their respective audiences that Journalism in America is kaput. 

Rush was asserting that the “state owned” media was giving President Obama a pass on criticism and letting a villainous politician get away with dastardly deeds.  Rush has started to sarcastically refer to the media as “The Ministry of Truth.”  Obviously all the teabag party members will get the sly reference to Orwell’s novel “1984.”

Conversely, Randi Rhodes was very critical of the media for their role as accessories in the Shirley Sherrod brouhaha because they (according to Randi) helped the Republicans take a deceptively edited video and inflated it from a virtual lie up to the major gaff level  news story.

Mike Malloy was charging Fox News in general and Glen Beck in particular of inciting violence on an individual level and attempting to incite race riots.

One of this columnist’s (if not the most) favorite metaphor is the parable of the six blind Hindus touching an elephant and drawing some very diverse conclusions based on the information they had available.  The first touched the tail and thought an elephant was like a rope.  The second ran his hands over the trunk and said that an elephant was very similar to a snake.  Three felt the ear and thought elephants were like a leafy tropical plant.  The stomach made four compare an elephant to a wall.  The guy who felt the leg jumped to the conclusion that elephants were like trees.  The last guy touched the tusk and said with certainty that elephants are like swords.

[For a totally irrelevant aside, we must note that this writer’s favorite book title is “An Elephant is Soft and Mushy.”]

The three radio talkers may not agree on the conclusion to be drawn, but it does seem that on Wednesday July 21, 2010, they were agreed that in the USA Journalism is DOA.

It also seems to this columnist that one of the best reasons to live in Berkeley is that the University of California Berkeley has a journalism school, and that may explain why a goodly number of great books concerning journalism turn up in the Berkeley Public Library’s Used Book store (at very affordable prices).  Hence, when we decided the topic and commenced to write this column, we quickly skimmed through a recently acquired copy of a paperback book we read (approximately) 50 years ago, “Citizen Hearst” by W. A. Swanberg.

William Randolph Hearst made a big success out of the San Francisco Examiner by striving for sensationalism.  Swanberg describes the underlying philosophy of journalism (Bantam Book paperback page 68) thus:  “Any issue that did not cause its reader to rise out of his chair and cry, ‘Great God!’ was counted a failure.”

To build his audience, Hearst exposed political greed and corruption, which sometimes embarrassed his father who was a U. S. Senator. 

Hearst imbued journalism with a tone of sly mischievous rascality that in more recent times was personified by Hunter S. Thompson and not Rupert Murdock.

An incident in Swanberg’s book gives a hint of the devil may care attitude Hearst fostered.  Examiner employees were prone to overindulging in liquor and Hearst was very indulgent in forgiving anyone who became inebriated.  “One day Hearst met a reporter who was perfectly sober, yet was supposed to be on a spree.  ‘On the scamp’s assurance that he had honestly intended to get drunk, but lacked the price,’ (Ambrose) Bierce recalled, ‘Mr. Hearst gave him enough money to reestablish his character for veracity and passed on.’”  (Ibid page 71)

Would William Randolph Hearst or Rupert Murdock be more prone to sending a reporter to the Gulf Region to get arrested in a National Park for snooping on BP? 

During George W. Bush’s Reign of Terror, wasn’t Rush Limbaugh very enthusiastic about shutting up the “pro-liberal” media, but now that a Democrat is in the White House, he seems to be a champion of the free press’ right to criticize any and all Presidents and he seems bent on excoriating the media for not doing so with President Obama.  If the sudden reversal was sparked by party loyalty doesn’t that contradict Limbaugh’s self proclaimed right to be called “America’s Anchor Man”? 

Is it fair to expect a cheerleading squad to be nonpartisan? 

During the Bush regime conservative talk show hosts were always admonishing their audience to avoid any rush to judgment when sensational news was announced.  When the torture at Abu Ghraib prison was first reported, didn’t the entire roster of conservative radio personalities stress the importance of withholding judgment until someone had been convicted in a court of law?  When the Shirley Sherrod scandal erupted, didn’t the conservatives respond like a lynch mob? 

After Bright Bart was confronted with photos of signs at tea party rallies that indicated that racism was alive and well at those events, didn’t he just ignore reality and second the Amy Sample McPherson attitude:  “That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it!”? 

Was the “honest mistake” attitude provided for Bright Boy, also extended to Dan Rather when he fell victim to some planted false evidence regarding George W. Bush’s National Air Guard attendance record, which indicated that the (then) President had been a deserter? 

Failure to adhere to reality is fine for writers who hope to emulate Hans Christian Andersen or to produce something that would delight the Brothers Grimm, but when it comes to a standard for reporters why has America suddenly given a pass to Fox and let reality become gelatinous?   Oh, wait!  Mike Malloy pointed out that Fox has established a legal president proclaiming that Fox News has a (God given?) right to lie.  It seem, after refreshing our memory with a skim of the Swanberg book, that even William Randolph Hearst would want to debate Rupert Murdock on that point.

Does that mean that if Fox News reports a sudden “groundswell” of approval for Jeb Bush, that it doesn’t have to be true? 

It seems that Fox has made a newscast into a “play along at home” version of the shell game.  It is up to viewers to ascertain which statements are facts and which are lies.  Doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose of a newscast?

When a manager asked permission to fire the Examiner’s Managing Editor, Samuel S. Chamberlain, Hearst replied:  “If he is sober one day in thirty that is all I require.”  (Ibid page 77.)  Is it too much to ask Fox News to be unbiased for one day in thirty?

Now the disk jockey will play “Dark side of the moon,” the Jefferson Airplane’s “White Rabbit,” and the “Mickey Mouse Club” theme song.  We have to go see if the Berkeley Public Library Bookstore has a bargain copy of Budd Schulberg’s “What Makes Sammy Run?”  Have an “if I saw it on TV; it must be true” type week.

Houdini and BP used bacteria?

This week Fox News had people (and the Mamas and Papas in song) asking about where has all the oil gone? When will they ever learn that Houdini didn’t really make the elephant disappear? It had to go somewhere. In all the time that Americans have been fighting, dying, and losing assorted limbs to bring Democracy to Iraq, the oil industry there may have lugged along in second gear, but it has never shut down completely; so where the hell did all that oil go? Somebody had to be paying for it; so where did all that money go? Was BP earning up the financial reserves to pay for unexpected, unforeseen future expenses such as the ones cause by the Gulf oil spill? For nine years, the Iraq oil fields have been coughing up “Texas tea,” so inquiring minds want to know: “Where did all that oil go?” Could America be doing all that fighting in Iraq just so that BP could pump out oil to be sold in China?

Has America vaulted past existentialist thinking and begun the epoch of post-absurdism? Any country that conveniently forgets about the dispersants and embraces nonsense about oil eating bacteria causing the oil spill to disappear deserves to be swindled into believing that Houdini used elephant eating bacteria or that when (not “if”) Jeb Bush gets inaugurated in January of 2013, it will have been the result of a legitimate win in the 2012 Presidential election. When a news story about billions of missing dollars is reported, the reaction is: “That only proves that the Bush tax cuts for the super wealthy need to be extended!” Isn’t it ironic that Americans shrug off the conspiracy theory lunatics’ idea that George W. Bush committed war crimes but they bristle at any hint that the Republicans would sanction anything that would compromise the sacredness of free elections in the U. S. A.

Americans, who take complacency to heights of achievement undreamed of by the Third Reich, accept the fact that President Obama has continued the war crimes policies of the Bush Administration but they react furiously to the possibility that the Republicans, if they are “given” a majority in the House and Senate via the 2010 midterm elections, will start impeachment proceedings against President Obama by producing a foreign student loan application that swears the applicant was not a native born American. That idea might make some liberals gag, but eventually with repeated haranguing from Fox News, the

Americans will (like Monica Lewinsky?) swallow it and get used to breathless impeachment updates around the clock in lieu of actually doing what the House and Senate is supposed to be doing. Has any pundit ever speculated on the possibility that Monica was deliberately sent (Mata Hari style) to sabotage Bill Clinton’s presidency? Americans might assume that if such a hypothetical news development about a possible student loan perjury existed, Andrew Breitbart would already know about it and would not hesitate to rush the allegation onto the Internet and not wait until it’s just about time for the new Congressional representatives to be sworn in next January. Is it a conspiracy theory to think that he must wait for the Minister of Propaganda to give (like a maestro for a symphony orchestra) the signal to push the “post” button for this (hypothetical) example of citizen journalism in action?

With major elements of the so-called pro-Liberal mainstream media, like trained seals performing on cue, making the case for the oil eating bacteria, the Conservatives will consider any attempts by online pundits to point out that the dispersants caused the oil to dissipate with the same level of amused distain as would be assigned to a cough during a performance of Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries. Where is Arturo Toscanini when Fox News truly needs him? Have you noticed that now that Bush isn’t President the Conservatives don’t need Ann Coulter to act like the rodeo clown to switch the media’s attention away from a possible chance to debate war crimes?

Isn’t it a bit inconsistent for Republicans to say that the unemployed don’t need an extension of benefits but that the Rich must have an extension of the tax cuts? In the one case adding to the cash flow coming into the U. S. treasury would be a bad thing, but stopping money from coming into the bank accounts of the unemployed would be a good thing. How can cutting off the flow of money (into the U. S. Treasury) be bad and shutting off a weekly check into families’ bank accounts be a good thing? The silver tongued devils have convinced America that having the rich’s tax dollars go elsewhere (like into their bank accounts) would have a positive effect on the economy but that putting a few bucks into the hands of folks waiting for the next unemployment check to arrive would not help stimulate the economy. The apparent paradox is ignored by “journalists” who do not try to explain the difference.

The allure of being a Republican member of Congress in 2011 and 2012 is something that the World’s Laziest Journalist can readily appreciate.

The fact that Republican politicians will be well paid just to make sure that no work gets done, makes this columnist green with envy.

Speaking of the Beach Combers’ Hall of Fame, this week this columnist was unable to ascertain if Garland Roark, author of the novel which was the source material for the John Wayne film “Wake of the Red Witch,” ever actually traveled to the South Pacific or if he did his research in the Nacogdoches Public Library. Say, isn’t that the town where this columnist’s newest hero, Joe R. Lansdale, lives? Speaking of Texas, whatever happened to Kinky Friedman? Did he go back to writing mysteries? Which, of course, brings us to this nagging question: Will the new James Bond Cars Museum have taped guided tours and will those tapes feature the voice of Sean Connery? If not; why not? Writing columns for the post-absurdism era won’t be much of a challenge for this writer.

In the introduction to his own book, “The Hoax,” Clifford Irving wrote: “I believe that the past is fiction, the future is fantasy and present for the most part is an ongoing hoax.”

Now the disk jockey will try to embarrass the columnist by playing Peter, Paul, and Mary’s version of “Where Have All the Flowers Gone,” and then throwing The Beverly Hillbillies theme song, and the soundtrack album from “Giant” on the turntable. It’s time to go and take Buzz’s “chickie run” dare. (Isn’t a “chickie run” when fraternity brothers are sent on an emergency mission to find more young ladies to populate a Saturday night party?) Have a “Match me, Sidney!” type week and remember that if Jesus and Fox News can forgive BP’s sins, so can you.

Kodachrome faces extinction

On the last Saturday in July of 2010, this columnist stumbled on a yard sale in Berkeley CA, that provided a chance to purchase cassette tapes at the incredibly low, low price of a quarter each and since there were a good many tracks from artists who were synonymous with the sixties, we glommed on to almost three dozen. That evening, while listening to the music, we thought of the fact that the last place in the United States that offers <a href =http://www.dwaynesphoto.com/newsite2006/movies-kodachrome.html>development for Kodachrome film will cease</a> that service at the end of this year.  That, in turn, prompted this columnist to realize that an old way of looking at the world would soon be shut down.  Hmm.  We started to wonder if the commencement speaker at our college graduation ceremony had warned us about how grim things were going to be forty-five years later.  The class of 1965 had every reason to believe and expect that the era of unlimited growth and prosperity was at hand and that we could record the spectacle on Kodachrome for posterity.  With the death of Kodachrome, it seems that people will have to adopt (both literally and figuratively) a new way of seeing the world.  In May of 1965, the uber-optimistic commencement speaker sure didn’t lay it on about “no more Vietnams” because it wasn’t until the start of the following month that LBJ decided to send some Marine Divisions there to straighten up the mess.

The British Invasion back then meant Herman’s Hermits, the Dave Clark Five (how many members of that group can you name?), and Petula Clark, and not oily tar balls and dispersants.

The marvel of Kodachrome was that it used dyes and not an emulsion that produced grain which was a primitive chemical based form of pixilation.  The difference between Kodachrome and Tri-X was similar to the difference between analogue (no pixels) and digital (grainy) music. 

If the commencement speaker had told the class of ’65 that the United States was going to suffer a metaphorical Dien Bien Phu in the next ten years, he would have been laughed off the stage.  If he has told this columnist, that within six months he would walk the streets of Casablanca, the young man would (most likely) have said:  “Of all the gin joints in all the world . . . .”and had a good laugh.

One member of that particular class had been killed in a car wreck that happened between the end of final exams and the Sunday ceremony.  At least one more was killed in Vietnam before the class of 1966 got to hear their commencement speech.  Another fellow from the class of 1965 came back from Vietnam, used some of the money he had earned there to buy a high performance Corvette and learned it was more car than he could handle.  Over the ensuing years, one recurring though has been to wonder (if time travel were possible) what it would be like to travel back in time to Berlin for the Christmas of 1938 and warn the German’s what lay ahead. 

As July of 2010 became August, we read a piece by Ted Rall grumbling about how he is having a difficult time getting editors interested in stories relating to their audiences, just how things are going in Afghanistan.  We realized that any time travel trip back to Berlin for the 1938 Christmas season would be an exercise in futility.  “I’d sing out danger, I sing out warning . . .” and get the Sounds of Silence.

If you search diligently into the history of television, you will find that in Germany from 1936 to (approximately) 1943, there was a nightly newscast featuring officially state sanctioned information available to the few owners of TV sets in that city.  The US has Fox News and they had lies from Wolfschanze. 

One of the items we picked up was a copy of a Roy Orbison album titled King of Hearts.  If we like Orbison so much how could we have missed a whole album?  We wondered what else may have slipped under our cultural radar in the last forty-five years. 

In college, we had used a 4X5 Speed Graphic to get photos for the 64 and 65 yearbooks.  We had spent some time making extreme enlargements from small (about the size of a 35mm negative) portion of the image on the piece of sheet film (remember the notches code?) and so when we now say that carrying a Nikon Coolpix around in our pocket makes us feel like we have a portable studio with us at all times, we realize it sounds like hyperbole.  Obviously the newer bigger more expensive digital Nikons would be commensurately better than the Coolpix, but the basis for this comparison is a very heavy and bulky fifty year old state of the art piece of camera equipment.

Listening to the pure voices of Joan Baez, Mama Cass, and Patsy Cline, counter pointed by the raw raspy sound of Janice Joplin, we got to wondering if the young DJ’s on KALX and KLXU could assert that artists like this Lady Gaga person (to the best of our knowledge, we’ve never heard her sing) has a voice that can deliver a song on key let alone has perfect pitch.  Perfect pitch?  Isn’t that what a baseball team gets when they deal with only 27 batters from the opposing team? 

The famous Philadelphia curmudgeon W. C. Fields has been quoted as saying:  “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again . . . then quit because there’s no use looking like a damn fool.” 

Is that all there is to say after a weekend soaked in musical nostalgia?  Oh, no, my faithful readers, let’s break out the travel brochures and apply to the Gonzo Journalism Foundation (AKA my bank account) for a grant to subsidize a summer of 2011 trip to Berlin and let the roster of younger bloggers write about reviving the draft, a possible war with one of Iraq’s neighboring countries, and/or the possible existence of a pesky foreign student loan application from the past.

In May of 1965, all graduating classes were (I assume) promised a big wide wonderful world full of appealing possibilities unlimited opportunities and now forty-five years later, after attending the Academy Awards twice, having a Seven Up in Hemingway’s favorite bar in Paris and a diet Pepsi in Skimpy’s Saloon in Kalgoorlie, having a ride in the Goodyear blimp, chatting with a former co-worker at the Playboy West Coast Mansion (which gives us a chance to slip in a plug for Hugh Hefner’s new work-safe website called “The Smoking Jacket” here), giving my autograph to Paul Newman, asking John Wayne for his, and having Twilight Zone writer George Clayton Johnson ask if he could use a story line I had brought into the conversation, it might seem like there’s nothing left to anticipate but the impeachment proceedings that the Republicans are anxious to initiate in January.

Oh, no, my faithful readers, after a weekend of discovering never-before-heard songs by Patsy Cline, the Mamas and the Papas, and Sonny and Cher, it’s obvious that even though there were no guarantees given to the class of 1965, there might be (just might mind you) be some additional new thrills in this old world left to discover.  Thrills?  What if there are some unheard Janis Joplin tracks left to find?  Are we sure that we have heard every Doors song in existence? 

Look out, Isle de Levant, I’m on my way!  Well, next summer, if I live that long.  Is there any chance of bumping into any fellow members of the class of 1965, in a hostel in Prague, or Munich, or . . .  Amsterdam?  Most of my classmates went the family and house with a white picket fence route so they should be wealthy and retired now.  What’s to stop them from going?  Don’t think twice; it’s all right.  Retirement’s just another word for nothing left to lose . . . by going on the road just one more time.

[Note from the Marvelous Co-inky-dink Department:  at the same time this columnist was buying cassette tapes, Bard Pitt and Angelina Jolie were (<a href =http://www.berkeleyside.com/2010/08/01/brad-and-angelina-in-berkeley/>according to the Berkeleyside website</a>) also enjoying a relaxing day in Berkeley CA.]

Berlin on Christmas Day of 1938?  Graduation Day 1965?  January 2011?  Janis Joplin summed it all up:  “. . . because, as a matter of fact .  . . as we learned on the train, ma-a-a-n, tomorrow never happens.  It’s all the sa-a-a-me fu-u-u-cking da-a-ay, ma-a-a-an!”

Now the disk jockey will play Roy Orbison’s “Heartbreak Radio,” Sonny and Cher’s “Sing C’est la vie,” and Paul Simon’s “Kodachrome.”  We have to go look for a copy of “Europe on $5 a day.”    Have a “U. S. out of Vietnam now!” type week.

Who can remember the Sixties?

This installment is intended to be a way for the columnist to clear his desk of stray bits of information, one liners, ideas and suggestions before the summer ends so that we can then concentrate our full attention on the more serious September “back to school” type topics such as the use of dispersant-punditry regarding Iraq to make it seem like the cap is working and that casualties have magically disappeared.

Recently we wrote a column about the collection of hair for use in the booms used to contain oil spills but when we went back to the Berkeley establishment that inspired our effort we found that they require hair that is longer than 10 inches because they donate the long hair to the Cancer society.  We scrubbed the idea of getting a haircut because it might be best to wait and grow another inch or two so that we can qualify to be a donor.  Meanwhile we have leaped to the assumption that the Cancer Society must need longer hair than the oil clean-up group so that wigs can be made for the people who are undergoing chemo therapy.

Some time back we came across an entertaining bit of online information about the use of <a href = http://bobrowen.com/nymas/radioproppaper.htm>propaganda intended to be heard in Germany</a> during WWII.  The German radio audience was in a nasty predicament.  They didn’t believe news from German sources and they risked their lives if they listened to stations broadcasting from the Allies territory.  Lately, we have noticed that we are ignoring American media for information about current affairs because we don’t think it would be any more reliable than what the German broadcasters were offering to their listeners back during WWII. 

Propaganda intended for Germany reminded us of the pre-Invasion of Iraq warnings about how the military adventure in Iraq might be similar to the events that inspired Edward Gibbon to write “The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire.”  Could it be that Progressive pundits fear that eloquent teabaggers would meticulously refudiate such an unpatriotic excursion into an arcane and esoteric scholarship topic? 

The fact that recently, when we tried to earn points with a former editor by plugging Hugh Hefner’s new work-safe website “<a href = http://www.thesmokingjacket.com/>The Smoking Jacket</a>,” we forgot to html a link into the plug gives us a chance in this column to rectify that example of gross columnistic malfeasance and mention it for a second time with a link.

Did you know that you can’t make mayonnaise during a thunderstorm?

Why did the National Rifle Association select “We Do Our Part” for their slogan?

Was seeing the Jefferson Airplane perform in Fresno something to brag about?

After listening to the Surrealistic Pillow album recently we went online to find out just what the hell the words about color fleur in “White Rabbit” were and what do they mean.  We hear it in the song, but when we look up the lyrics online it’s like the Rusty Warren question:  “Where is it?”

Now the only information available online says that what I hear is:
“And if you go chasing rabbits
And you know you’re going to fall
Tell them a hookah smoking caterpillar
Has given you the call”

Does truth become gelatinous when it is transcribed onto the Internets?  “Hookah smoking caterpillar” has eight syllables.  Color Fleur has only two.  We seem to remember some commentary about “color fleur” but our efforts to find that online were futile.

Why does the doomsday clock in the World’s Laziest Journalist’s home office always say 12:30?

Do they still have light shows at rock concerts?

Again looking up the lyrics online for the Rolling Stones song, “Under Assistant West Coast Promo Man,” it seems that the phrase about “just got laid” disappeared when it came time to transcribe the words for posterity. 

We seem to distinctly remember hearing the phrase “just got laid,” and also an article in Newsweek reporting how the flip side of the “Satisfaction” single was causing a minor ruckus for the radio stations that were playing the B side because of that very same phrase.

As a person gets older even a trivia champ suddenly has trouble with the accuracy level of memories.  The latest college axiom decrees:  If you can remember the Sixties, you weren’t really there.

Heck, we thought we heard the Vice-President say something about knowing exactly where the WMD’s were in Iraq.  Because of the phrase “in the form of a mushroom cloud,” we jumped to the conclusion he was talking about atomic bombs.  It turns out that hand grenades are considered weapons of mass destruction.  Sorry, America, my bad.  Oh well, all’s well that ends well.

Writing columns about the lyrics of songs that are over 40 years old for a website that features liberal punditry may seem misguided.  Readers are a bit more enthusiastic about columns about old student loan applications and/or predictions about a restoration of the Bush dynasty, but that can get a bit tedious when there isn’t anything new to add.

If the World’s Laziest Journalist turns out to be correct in his predictions that may win a footnote in some future scholarly history of this point in time, and little else.  Conversely, if we are totally wrong to fret about a move to impeach President Obama and any snowball’s chance in hell for Jeb being sworn in at the 2013 Inauguration Ceremony that will probably just mean that conservative trolls will soon be able to post nasty reminders about the columnist’s numerous errors in judgment.

The summer of 2010 is when Fox News got a front row seat in the White House Press Room and when Alvin Greene is a Democratic candidate for the U. S. Senate, and when a Republican who asserted that chickens can be used to pay for medical services is also running for the Senate, and when the mainstream media is baffled by the case of the missing oil.  The columnist is just offering his opinion about where all this is going and being drowned out by conservative media.

If the Democrats add some gains to their majority in the House and Senate then this columnist may have to do some additional research about song lyrics, but if the first thing that a new Republican majority House and Senate does in January is to use an old student loan to initiate impeachment proceedings against President Obama, then maybe the folks, who were bored by the columns questioning the validity of  elections using the electronic voting machines that don’t have a paper trail, can petition the New York Times asking them to add the World’s Laziest Journalist to their roster of Oped page contributors.

Writing columns for liberal online websites is a lot like writing for the newspaper that specializes in covering horse races.  We can offer our opinions and hope that they are entertaining and informative, but we wouldn’t advise any one of our readers to wager any money based on what we say.

Jon Winokur, whom we consider “the king of quotes,” has said that this columnist was the first person to draw his attention to this quote (found in Bartlett’s Quotations) by Sir Winston Chruchill:  “It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. The quotations, when engraved upon the memory, give you good thoughts. They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for more.”

Usually it is concomitant upon the disk jockey to end these columns by playing relevant songs, but this time, unless he wants to help swell the unemployment statistics for this week, he is going to play some music just because the columnist has a sentimental attachment to the songs.  He will play Duane Eddy’s “Rebel Rouser,” Dooly Wilson’s “As Time Goes By,” and Vaughn Monroe’s “Ghost Riders in the Sky.”  We have to go look up the definition of the phrase “Google bait.”  Have a week in which you can’t stop wondering what it would have sounded like if Shel Silverstein, Ernest Hemingway, and Edith Piaf had formed a folk singing trio to play in beatnik coffee houses.

Just explain why?

When the results of the 2008 Elections in the United States were superimposed on the TV screens around the world, a tsunami of doomsday assessments for the Republican Party’s survival was made by liberal pundits. 

It was seen as if it was the dawning of a new day in American Politics, unless you happened to be watching at a results party at the University of Sydney, where it was the middle of Wednesday afternoon and not Tuesday night.

The spokespersons for the Republican Party (AKA Faux News?) were quiet and subdued but, in the best of the “Cool Hand Luke” attitude, not willing to admit defeat.  Liberal Pundits wondered that the conservatives seemed to think that analogies about calling the coroner’s office were premature.  The conservatives seemed to prefer analogies that evoked visions of a miraculous effort at a Hospital Emergency Room followed by a textbook perfect recovery.

Liberal pundits put their hats over their hearts and hummed a funeral dire.  The liberal pundit attitude was that soon after the Inauguration of the new President, the Republican Party “will have her neck wrung like a chicken.”

Now, just twenty two months later, the Republican Party’s attitude is that in the fall the chickens will come home to roost.

What have the Republicans done to achieve this “back from the dead” reversal of fortunes?

In a country where there is now a constant 24 hours news cycle and instant analysis is always available on elections night news programs just minutes after the polls close, where is the trend-spotting journalism covering the resurrection of the Republican Party’s chances for survival? 

The Fashion and Style sections have highly trained and seasoned trend spotters on the vigil for new fads and cultural phenomenon, so why aren’t the political pundits explaining just how this amazing turnabout happened? 

Isn’t the fact that now the “conventional wisdom in Washington” expects big Republican gains in both the House and Senate a major trend-spotting story?

Where are the ubiquitous “man in the field” reports from correspondents telling the anchor person in New York City what “the people” are thinking and feeling as they withdraw their support for President Obama?  Where is the infallible “on the scene” journalist who can explain all the subtleties of how Americans think and feel when the biggest comeback story in politics is unfolding?

Do the people, who are seeing the banks repossess their  homes this year, think that the Republicans this fall are comparable to the Brits who refused to think of surrender during the Battle of Britain? 

Are the folks who need an extension of their unemployment benefits seeing the Republicans as working class heroes conducting a sit-down strike in Washington?  Has someone proclaimed the “Party of No” as the modern day embodiment of the spirit of Joe Hill and worthy of the union members’ votes?

Are the Republicans being perceived, by the shop owner on Main Street, as modern day Joe McCarthys who are alone in their efforts to face the peril of omni-present communists? 

Where are the trend-spotting specialists when America needs them most?  Oh, yeah, they are at Ground Zero covering a religious controversy. 

It seems that Republicans have to constantly remind America that if Native Americans wanted to hold a Ghost Dance ceremony at Ground Zero, they can’t because the Bureau of Indian Affairs didn’t succumb to partisan political pressure and sanction any heathen activity in the United States.  The Ghost Dance has been outlawed.  What part of “illegal” don’t the Democrats understand?  “Naked Savages have rights too!,” you say?  Maybe, but not at Ground Zero.

If the Great White Father in Washington wants to approve building a railroad right-of-way across an Indian burial ground, that’s OK because the future of the nation rides on the success of the iron horse.  Everybody understands that.

Obviously, with the cutbacks in America’s newsrooms, all the managing editors can not assign multiple members of the overworked staffs to cover the same story, but shouldn’t some assignment editor tell at least one of America’s trend-spotting experts to spend an afternoon before the fall elections gathering material which can be used to explain the sudden reversal of fortune story that is nothing short of incredible (in the true “I don’t believe that!” meaning of the word)?

It’s easy enough for some columnist to sit back and yuck it up over the fact that the well paid political reporters, who are trying to cope with the war in Iraq, the war in Afghanistan, and a possible war with Iran, as well as the Teabaggers, the latest newsworthy quotes from Sarah Palin, the trials and tribulations of Alvin Greene, and the Blogavich verdicts, aren’t writing feature stories about shifting poll numbers.  Heck, just give them kudos for all they are doing and forget about the cause of the new Republican resurgence.

Are the assignment editors across America convinced that their audiences don’t want an explanation or is it because they don’t want to spend time and money to have their reporters produce a story that Rush Limbaugh would ridicule and mock?

Did the Republican Party have their medicine man cast a spell on America to produce this magic transformation?  Wouldn’t that make a good story for the Style Section?

Winston Chruchill didn’t take time out during the Battle of Britain to worry about polls.  As a matter of fact, according to Bartlett’s, he said:  “Nothing is more dangerous in wartime than to live in the temperamental atmosphere of a Gallup Poll, always feeling one’s pulse and taking one’s temperature.”

Now the disk jockey will play “Happy Days are here again,” “Mr. Can you spare a dime?,” and the Koyaanisqatsi soundtrack album.  We have to go to a sweat lodge ceremony.  Have a week that is free of “devils who speak with forked-tongues.”

Gonzo Journalism lives on in Berkeley

The spirit of Gonzo Jornalism lives on in Berkeley CA in the form of this Hunter Thompson fan’s tatoo.

Fox vs. the Four Freedoms

Why would Fox News stir its audience up against the proposed new Muslim facility in lower Manhattan, if a large Fox News shareholder is a member of the Saudi Royal family?  On his radio show for Monday, August 23, 2010, Mike Malloy slowly and methodically dealt out facts to validate and explain that apparent contradiction.  Any member of the Party of Teabaggers who happened to listen would have been left no grounds for refuting Malloy’s conclusion that stirring up Muslim resentment of America is part of that news organization’s (hidden) agenda.

The argument, which took Malloy an hour to develop, can be summarized thus:  The Saudi makes his money from oil.  If Muslims perceive America as a group of hate filled infidels who are stealing oil from the Middle East, the various resistance groups will continue to need money to fund their attempts to use guerilla warfare to halt the Americans.  As long as petroleum is in high demand, the Saudis will have an unlimited amount of cash available and will be able to maintain control of the resistance efforts in the Middle East.

Malloy pointed out that Fox’s mocking of efforts to encourage means of transportation that are not fueled by petroleum is a part of the overall pro-Arab Royal Family strategy.

By fomenting religious bigotry, Fox News can insure that journalism documenting the anti-Muslim sentiments in America is available to propagandists throughout the world to prove to Muslims that America, despite the fact that one of the Four Freedoms promoted as the motivation for fighting World War II, is hypocritical when they say they believe in Freedom of Warship. 

Images of anti-Masque demonstrators in lower Manhattan will not need any complex philosophical/psychological explanations for poor uneducated Muslims around the globe.  The propagandists will show the news videos and ask “What part of hate your guts” don’t you understand?” 

By prolonging the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan, the rich Saudis and Fox News will insure the continuation of the political status quo in Saudi Arabia for a long time.  War has continually proven its value to news media as a way to post large gains in the total audience numbers.  Isn’t resistance to change the essence of the conservative philosophy?

Malloy pointed out to his audience, the political advantages Republicans would accrue if they advocated religious intolerance rather than continuing the American tradition of Freedom of Warship; they would get the “incumbent” advantage in future elections.

Malloy also read excerpts from <a href =http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/opinion/22rich.html>Frank Rich’s New York Times column</a> that pointed out that the Mosque issue would add increased difficulty to General Petraeus’ assignment for his troops to promote good will among the local citizens in Afghanistan. 

Mike Malloy did a marvelous job of outlining his thesis in a way that should be understood by anyone who has the intelligence required to use a deck of cards to play a game of solitaire.   

This columnist seconds the motion for Malloy’s point and now will add this columnist’s own original insights and obtuse associations to the topic. 

Back when President George W. Bush ordered American troops to go to Afghanistan and Iraq, Republicans stoutly maintained that any dissenting point of view by the Democrats was tantamount to <a href =http://www.lectlaw.com/def2/s020.htm>acts of sedition</a>, but when the Fox News Agit-prop Machine spews religious prejudice which will increase the resistance efforts aimed at the members of the American Military fighting in Afghanistan, Fox, magically, is exempted from any assertions about acts of sedition.  The reasons leading to that conclusion are rather vague and nebulous.

Wouldn’t it be very poignant if the footage of the animosity in lower Manhattan, causes some very old, unindicted German fugitives to suffer sever pangs of nostalgia? 

That, in turn, brings up this question:  Wasn’t the oil which would be shipped to market through a pipeline in Afghanistan, the very same natural resource which was also coveted by the German Army when they reached as far into Russia as Stalingrad?  Wouldn’t you think that source would have been depleted by now?

During World War II, the American Military fought for the <a href =http://www.udhr.org/history/4free.htm>Four Freedoms</a>, as enunciated by President Roosevelt in the Atlantic Charter.  One of them was Freedom of Worship; can you name the other three?

Does the large number of foreclosed homes in America, add a dash of irony to the deaths, in WWII, of Americans fighting for the Freedom from Want?  Did American military in WWII fight for the bankers or for the people whose homes are now being foreclosed?  How would Glen Beck answer that question?

Does opposition to a Muslim Community Center mock both the principle of Freedom of Speech and Freedom of Worship?

The Forth Freedom was “Freedom from Fear.”  Where would the Republican Party platform be without fear and images of evidence in the form a mushroom cloud?

If Freedom of Religion doesn’t sit well in lower Manhattan, how long will it be until there is a massive <a herf =http://www.ushmm.org/wlc/en/media_ph.php?ModuleId=10005684&MediaId=2745> Bund rally at Madison Square Garden</a>?  Would Glen Beck be the keynote speaker?

Henry A. Wallace is quoted as having said:  “A fascist is one whose lust for money or power is combined with such an intensity of intolerance toward those of other races, parties, classes, religions, cultures, regions or nations as to make him ruthless in his use of deceit or violence to attain his ends.”  Now ask yourself:  “Does Fox use deceit and foster violence”?      

Now the disk jockey will play Johnny Cash’s “Were You There . . .?,” “Strange Fruit,” and the “Triumph of the Will” soundtrack album.  We have to go and continue reading up on the Spanish Civil War for a future column.  Have a “<I>sin novedad</a>” type week.

Whatever it takes?

When we were presented with the opportunity to buy a copy of Ian Patterson’s (no relation) book, “Guernica and Total War,” we were curious about the topic and tantalized our self with the possibility that the book might spark an idea for a column.  We snapped it up and started to read it in the hopes that we could finally figure out who was who in that conflict and which side was “the good guys.” 

A short time later, we stumbled on a copy of Caroline Moorehead’s biography of Martha Gellhorn and since we were unaware of that resource for Hemingway fans, we quickly added it to our library and ripped into it as fast as we could.

We sensed that the Spanish Civil War could provide us with the basis for a comparison with the contemporary American political turmoil, but we still couldn’t find the handle.  Many moons ago, we read George Orwell’s “Homage to Calalonia.”  We trundled off to the main branch of the Berkeley Public Library and from the assortment of books on the topic, selected Daniel S. Davis’ “Spain’s Civil War: The Last Great Cause” and commenced reading that book.

The task of comprehending the turmoil is rather complicated.  A coup by rebels in the Army was resisted by the legitimate government.  It was the Republicans vs. the Nationalists.  That causes a bit of difficulty for readers in modern America because in the USA, the Republicans have copyrighted Patriotism thus making their Party’s name synonymous with the concept of national pride.  Thus the good guys can’t be both Nationalists and Republicans in a comparison with the Spanish Civil War.  In the Spanish Civil War, the Fascists fought the Republicans; in the USA, the fascists are the Republicans.

The rebel faction requested aid from Germany and Italy but Germany and Italy had both agreed to abide by an international agreement to remain neutral.  That agreement was just another pesky scrap of paper like the Geneva Accord and so they complied with the appeals for help.  Hitler sent “volunteers,” including a group of aviators called the Condor Legion, supplies and weapons.  Mussolini sent men, tanks and trucks.

Various countries sent groups of volunteers to the Nationalist side.  The American volunteers chose the name “the Lincoln Brigade.” 

Daniel S. Davis, on page 92 of “Spain’s Civil War,” wrote about a battle where Mussolini’s Italian legions were fighting Italians in the “Garibaldi Battallion.”  Davis describes the effect produced by loudspeakers used by the Garibaldi Battallion:  “Demoralized by the barrage of emotional appeals not to fight their countrymen, knots of Italian soldiers melted across the Republican lines.”  (How soon will Fox News be able to provoke Americans into bloody confrontations with other Americans?)

We were struggling with the challenge of finding a way to apply the analogy with the Post Dubya American scene.  Could the Carlists (who wanted Spain’s royal family to resume their role as the country’s sovereign and legitimate rulers) be compared to the Bush family as they anxiously await the restoration of the Bush dynasty via a Jeb win in 2012? 

The Germans and the Italians broke the International agreements to stay out of the Spanish Civil War.  Great Britain and France did not.  France closed its border with Spain and caused some fleeing peasants untold grief.  Stalin committed Russia to a limited amount of help which also broke the aforementioned International Agreement to back off.

Davis states that the Germans, the Italian, and the Russians all interfered but notes that for selfish reasons none of them sent a massive amount of help which would bring a quick resolution to the conflict.  It seems that the Spanish Civil War provided an excellent testing ground for all three countries to measure the effectiveness of their new weapons and tactics and a prolonged test run was much more preferable than a limited tryout period.

We were just about to scrap the analogy column when “the Rosetta stone” inspiration appeared (like the Lady of Fatima?).  Rebels got an amount of help from the Germans and the Italians that was limited but ultimately sufficient enough to tip the balance in favor of the rebel troops under the command of Francisco Franco.  Fasten your seatbelts, boys, here it comes:  could the electronic voting machines give America’s Republicans the extra bit of slightly unfair advantage similar to the help that the Condor Legion gave to the rebel troops?

Think about it.  With just a slight push in some carefully chosen election contests, the electronic voting machines could deliver an undetectable edge and thus provide the Republicans with a few choice swing victories in enough contests to deliver a “veto-proof” majority in the House.  Maybe even the Senate.

The fools in the lapdog press are following the Fox News’ lead and are already crippling   the possibility of an intransient public’s refusal to accept the results as genuine with a constant stream of stories subtly suggesting that American citizens should expect a Republican takeover of the House.  The stories carefully include words like “possible,” “likely,” and “expected” and are appearing in a stream of increasing frequency.  What part of “you’re being set-up,” do American voters not understand?

If Fox News pushes religious intolerance what’s to stop them from including propaganda that will dissolve all skepticism about phony election results?  Religious intolerance is an integral part of the Nazi philosophy.  Does anyone want to seriously deny that assertion?

Does anyone seriously think that an unscrupulous news organization would promote religious bigotry and then balk at endorsing rigged elections?

Haven’t some Republicans already hinted that Obama should be impeached?  If the Republicans get a majority in the House of Representatives what’s to stop them from immediately starting impeachment proceedings?  Did someone in the back row seriously suggest that good sportsmanship will stop them?  Get ******* serious.  Ask Bill Clinton how many nanoseconds it will take for the Impeachment movement to get going.

When Guernica got bombed, it was obvious to most of the Americans journalists who were covering the carnage, that the deck was stacked in favor of the Rebels and fascism.  That indicated to an assortment of American Journalists that Hitler would not be intimidated by the British and French into abandoning his plans for further aggressions.  The amount of reading material for folks who wish to fact check the pre-war premonitions and warnings that ran through the community of American foreign news correspondents like a virus is contained in a considerable amount of books.  Even Ernie Pyle covered the Battle of Britain.  The journalists saw what was coming and tried to warn the American public.

In the November of 1935 issue of Esquire magazine Hemingway warned (By-Line Ernest Hemingway Scribners paperback page 212):  “Europe has always fought, the intervals of peace are only armistices.  We were fools to be sucked in once on a European war and we should never be sucked in again.”

Wouldn’t it be incredibly sad, if on some future day, Americans were to lament the fact that the big names in American Journalism ignored prescient warnings from the bloggers who tried to raise an effective amount of righteous indignation about the electronic voting machines?  With Fox as America’s point man in the realm of journalism, it seems as if worrying about honest elections is just about as serious a topic as wondering if wrestling matches have predetermined winners.

On the one side you had the workers and a legitimately elected government and on the opposing side were capitalists, nobles, clergy, police, and the military.  The fascists condoned torture, murder, disregard for international agreements, and bombings with extensive collateral damage to civilians.  Sounds just like what’s happening in America, to this columnist.  Do you think Rush Limbaugh will spend any time refuting this column?

Daniel S. Davis, on page 10 of “Spain’s Civil War,” says:  “An old proverb describes the situation:  ‘In Spain there are two Spains: one that works and does not eat, and the other that eats but does not work.’”  Which side do you suppose would support the continuation of the Bush tax cuts?

Now the disk jockey will play “Four Dead in Ohio,” “Kung Fu Fighting,” and “Dixie.”  We gotta go get something to eat.  Have a “true gen” type week.

Hide in a lighthouse?

We get a lot of hits for folks who want to read the postings about running away to join a hippie commune elsewhere on this blog.

So

When we found out that folks can stay in lighthouses we copied down the URL and will post it here.

http://www.uslhs.org/resources_be_a_keeper.php

For people who want to be alone, getting a lighthouse gig might be better than joining a hippie commune.

Head for the lifeboats?

 

As the 2010 Labor Day Weekend approaches, an impulse to write another column about the impending ambush of democracy by the electronic voting machines reminded the writer of the initial efforts of the crew of the Titanic to get passengers into the lifeboats.  The members of the crew strenuously urged the passengers to get into the lifeboats, but their efforts were largely ignored.  Is an entertaining and amusing column better than yet another tirade about the horrible nasty possibilities inherent in the electronic voting machines?

One prominent liberal website considers any trepidations about the possibilities of an ambush by electronic voting machines as conspiracy lunacy and totally unacceptable. 

Apparently it isn’t neighborly to assume that if the Republicans could rig the elections; they would.  It seems that the liberals want to give the Republicans the benefit of the doubt until such time as Republican majority in the House and Senate impeach Obama.  Until then, “be nice.”  O.K.  Fine.  We’ll do just that and use the Titanic reference to transition to a less contentious topic.

The Titanic was the first ship to use the Morris code for S, O, and S again as a distress signal and so some recent promotional efforts for San Francisco radio station KCBS on the AM dial, got us to wondering if <a href =

http://kcbs.cbslocal.com/2010/06/28/the-history-of-kcbs-the-worlds-first-broadcasting-station/

>KCBS is 100 years old</a> as they claim, did they broadcast voices or did they do the 1910 traffic reports in Morris code?  If they could broadcast voices, whey couldn’t the Titanic radio man yell:  “Help!”?

We contacted the radio station and learned that the century old radio station started with efforts by a guy named <a href =http://www.charlesherrold.org/

>Charles Herrold</a> in San Jose that offered the public information and music daily from 1908 to 1917.

After getting that entertaining bit of information, we wondered about the weather reports for <a href =http://bumbershoot.org/fresh/2010/06/music-lineup-2/

>the Labor Day Weekend Bumbershoot Music Festival in Seattle</a>. 

Thinking about that reminded us that recently we learned about another interesting bit of news emanating from the state of Washington, about folks who are looking for <a href =http://www.uslhs.org/resources_be_a_keeper.php

>people who want to run a lighthouse</a>.  Maybe if the Democrats score a landslide reaffirming their mandate in the November elections, this columnist might want to hide out for a year or so in a remote location such as a lighthouse.

That, in turn, reminded us that the efforts to get the Marina (del Rey) Tenant Association lawyer out of jail have still not achieved their goal of setting Richard Fine free.

Speaking of innocent people being in jail, that reminded us that President Obama seems to still be willing to let George W. Bush play his “stay out of jail” card.

Is George W. Bush getting an additional break by the tight budget constrictions?  During the Great Depression, the government funded some efforts at writing and taking photos recording the historical event as it was happening.  One of the pictures taken by Dorothea Lang became an icon for the miserable decade.  Where are the historians and photojournalists during the Bush debacle? 

If the future is supposed to depend on bloggers to chronicle the misery of the post-Dubya era; good luck!  Accounting departments around the world are satisfied to let amateurs replace skilled professionals, but the end product might be inferior. 

Do bloggers have the funds to sustain an effort to record what’s happening in America now?  Only an independently wealthy dilettante would have the funds to go off on an exploration of the USA for an extended length of time.   Back in the Thirties, journalists such as Ernie Pyle, were commissioned by their employer to go out among the people and report what they saw and heard.  Do you seriously expect Fox to commission such a venture?  Their reporters went to the Gulf for the oil spill and asked:  “Where’s the oil?” 

If Fox sends the new Geraldo Rivera out to the rust belt, wouldn’t his boss require him to stand in the midst of an abandoned factory, look directly at the camera, and ask:  “Where’s this Bush Depression we keep hearing about?”?

The Republicans have the opportunity to seize control with doctored electronic voting machine results.  They have the motivation; their hatred of Obama and their love of giving millionaires tax cuts.  They have the opportunity; polls show them holding an unexplained sudden edge.  So why wouldn’t they adhere to the old <I>carpe diem</a> philosophy and seal the deal?  Is there such a thing as Weimar Republicans?  Don’t the real Republicans want to see a restoration drama with a return of a member of the Bush family to the White House?  Didn’t the Weimar Republicans endorse the idea of letting a dictator run the country?

Wait, just a darn minute!  This column is supposed to amuse and entertain. 

On Wednesday, we spotted a column on Huff-Po <a herf =http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stefan-beck/tiki-drinks-cocktails-culture_b_698358.html>by Stefan Beck about the Tiki culture</a>.  He didn’t mention that the Tiki bar fad started in Oakland.  He didn’t mention Tiki literature.  He didn’t do much except throw Tiki food references around.

This columnist just happens to know a fellow (former co-worker at the Santa Monica Outlook) who knows all about Tiki culture and who throws Tiki-themed parties that have been featured in a cover story in the L. A. Weekly.

Maybe we should pitch “The Nation” on a trend-spotting story?

Whatever!  Ready or not, here comes the Labor Day Weekend.

It may turn out that H. L. Mencken played the “John the Baptist” role for the Teabaggers Party because he said:  “Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.”

Now the disk jockey will play Don Ho’s “Tiny Bubbles,” Martin Denny’s “Quiet Village,” and Spike Jone’s “Hawiian War Chant.”  We have to go look for some used books by <a href =http://www.rdfsociety.com/>Robert Dean Frisbie</a>.  Have a “Life is a Cabaret, old chum!” type week.

A symbolic disaster

 

On September 8, 1934, the Morro Castle, caught fire off the coast of New Jersey, and the maritime disaster that ensued, might be a better symbol of the war in Afghanistan than the much better known sinking of the Titanic in 1912.  On the evening of Friday, September 7, 1934, the “farewell dinner,” on the ocean liner Morro Castle, had been marred by the fact that Captain Robert Willmott fell ill and retired to his cabin.  He died and the second in command, chief officer William Warms, who had worked a Friday shift that ended at 8 p.m., took command of a ship which was contending with a storm.  At 2:56 a.m., on September 8, 1934, his first day in command, Warms heard the fire alarm sound.  Warms made some decisions which were questionable at best.  He maintained speed and headed into the gale.

While spending a portion of the 2012 Labor Day weekend as a sick day, this writer did some recreational reading with a new column not being on the agenda in the least way.  One of the books, The Aspirin Age 1919 – 1941, yielded up some twenty five pages for an article by William McFee titled:  “The Peculiar Fate of the Morro Castle” and suddenly it seemed like a column needed to be written. 

One of the first lifeboats, boat 3, which was able to carry 70, took sixteen of the crew and no passengers to safety.  On line sources list the number of passengers who died as 86 and the number of crew members who died as 49.

Rescue operation chose to tow the burned ship into New York harbor.  The ship broke free and drifted to Asbury Park, where the city manager, Carl Bischoff, tried to use the right of salvage to claim the vessel with the aim of using it as a tourist attraction to help his resort city gain a business edge during the Depression.

When the Bush Administration began to set the stage for their wars, the predominant figure of speech was “the Pottery Barn Rule,” meaning that when the war broke out, the American taxpayers would be obliged to pay for the damages. 

When President Obama was declared the winner of the 2008 Presidental election, the Bush team quietly reverted to the private party used car rule.  When a person offers a vehicle for sale in the classified ads, the conventional attitude is that it is offered in the “as is” condition and if the buyer drives it three blocks and the engine seizes, that’s just too darn bad for the buyer.

Similarly Captain Warms took command of a ship that wasn’t going to make it through to dawn in working condition and President Obama took command of a similarly unenviable situation.
Cynical Obama suporters, who view the War in Afghanistan in terms of “a millstone around his neck,” will immediately grok to the concept that some Republicans might very well have preferred to have a Democratic candidate be George W. Bush’s successor because they perceived that the “as is” clause would work against the next occupant in the White House and they didn’t want one of their own to get rooked into playing the role of sucker.

Critics of Richard M. Nixon used to ask:  “Would you buy a used car from this man?”  (Reportedly, U. S. Senator John F. Kennedy did buy a used car from his colleague from California.) 

It seems like after the 1934 tragedy everybody tried to escape suspicion by doing their best to make sure the blame was directed at others.  The insurance company, the lawyers for the Ward Line, the survivors, and the union representatives did their best to make the official inquiry look like an outtake from one of the Marx brothers’ movies.

This columnist does not want this column to seem to make light of a tragedy, but it should be noted that most Americans seem to have a very cavalier attitude about the unfolding tragedies in both Iraq and Afghanistan.

Speaking of the Marx brothers, there was some politically motivated attempts made to blame the Communists for the Morro Castle tragedy.  On page 331, of the aforementioned book, author William McFee wrote:  “For a while, after the Morro Castle fire, every fire in a ship’s hold was blamed on “Reds” or sabotage, as though ships had never had any fires in their hold before the Russian Revolution.

Now, the disk jockey will play Frankie Ford’s “Sea Cruise,” Jody Reynolds’ “Endless Sleep,” and Bruce Springsteen’s album “Greetings from Asbury Park.”  We have to go get some chicken soup and maybe start reading “On Genocide” by Jean-Paul Sartre to see if there’s a column to be had there.  Have a “you’re in command, now” type week.

A visit to La-la Land

Report from La-la Land

(Venice CA)  Moving to Berkeley seemed like a good idea and when an opportunity to go back to Shakeytown came along, we thought that it might be a chance to do one of those ridicule L. A. columns that are a synch to bang out on the laptop while enjoying a hot white-chocolate at a café in close proximity to the Venice pier but when the recent election results were reported, it suddenly occurred to us that despite all the blasé assessments from the professional pundits about how Delaware just handed an easy Senate win to the Democrats perhaps the real La-la land in the USA will be in Washington after the mid term freshmen politicians are sworn in.

Recently the USA saw how easily a minister in Florida could command the national media’s attention (just like Balloon dad) and that makes it very easy to project what the cable news will be like if the two noteworthy Teabag Party ladies become Senators.  Does anyone think that the President can command the media’s attention if  those two media magnets are sworn in?  Obama will fade into obscurity while those two ladies take their opportunities to make Sarah Palin seem shy in comparison. 

This columnist has been kicked off the Daily Kos site because mentioning the electronic voting machines and rigged elections is considered a conspiracy theory and that is verboten on that site.

However, just for the sake of speculation, imagine that somehow with or without an assist from the electronic voting machines those two ladies win and become Senators.  If someone had expressed the desire to establish the Republican Party in a dominant role in American politics for the next one thousand years and if they wanted to set the stage for delivering a Democratic incumbent a “no hitter” shutout term in office, wouldn’t it make a lot of sense to deliver an Abbot and Costello pair of Senators to distract and disrupt the second half of Obama’s first (only?) term in office?

The New York Times reported on September 14, 2010 that things were not going very smoothly in the polling places in the state of New York.  After that, it seems like the topic of election difficulties was ignored by the mainstream media.  If they won’t take time to give the public a heads-up for the potential for a very tumultuous bit of media circus as serious journalism, then we will.  The World’s Laziest Journalist prides himself on delivering off-beat ideas and insights.  Anyone who wants boring but pedantic assessments can find them without much effort. 

Are Americans getting sick of unexpected election results that the highly paid professionals can not adequately explain?  The cliché about “the voters have once again embarrassed the polling companies with results that were not predicted.”  After a bunch of time hearing that shouldn’t people be asking:  “WTF”?  Shouldn’t someone write a column about Learning to love unexplained phenomenon? 

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2010/7/12/883772/-Learning-to-stop-worrying-and-to-love-unexplained-phenomenon-

People seem to be getting used to the “unexpected upset” election results just like folks who live in La-la Land get used to the unusual aspects of their home town and get upset when visitors (mostly from New York City) arrive and start spewing out “reporting live” material that focuses on the weird and whacky feature stories that abound in Hollyweird.

You want that too?

We were a bit surprised to see a gas station on the north west corner of Lincoln and Rose., in the Venice section of L. A., that featured mirrors so that the customers at the self serve pumps could check out their hair-do.  Don’t people in Scranton know that you have to look your very best always in a town where a person (even a columnist?) could bump into a casting director at any moment?  Folks in Berkeley might point out that if a person pumping gas wanted to see themselves in a mirror, they could (most likely) use the one on the driver side of their vehicle.  It’s not the same.  A mirror where you can stand up straight and tall and see how the hair-do is doing in the wind, is a valuable public service.  Bending over to use the car mirror distorts reality. 

We took a photo but may not be able to get it posted on <a href =http://floppyphotos.wordpress.com>our photo blog</a> by the time this column is posted.

A few minutes later, at the same location, we noticed a dumpster diver guy.  In most cities, a fellow who fishes bottles and cans from the trash may use a “borrowed” supermarket shopping cart (called a “Venice Cadillac in this famous beach area) but we were surprised to see a fellow pull up in a golf cart to collect his treasures from the trash bins.  Where else can such a dumpster diver achieve such panache? 

The saying in L. A. is:  “Go big; or go home.”

Since the last time we strolled the Vencie Beach something new has been added to fashion conscious Southern California.

What is your doggie wearing this season?  In Venice, they can choose elegant shoes, clothes and accessories.  Does your mutt refuse to dress up while strolling along Lackawanna Avenue in Scranton?  Hasn’t watching several seasons of “The Office” taught you anything about how style is everything in Tinseltown?

Hasn’t watching Parenthood hipped Berkeley to trendy fashions even for the middle class dogs?

We took photos of the array offered by the Vendor on the Ocean Front Walk, but were unable to find the website for Doggie Fashion by Sue.

Los Angeles never fails to deliver for the journalist looking for a way to spin it as a town that reminds some cynics of a bowl a granola but the real La-la Land story could well be a Senate with an electronic voting machine assisted pair of wins for two very distinctive politicians.  What if Alvin Greene wins a Senate seat also?

Washington may well soon be positioned to challenge Los Angeles for the right to be called La-la Land.  It sure looks to this conspiracy theory advocate that Washington will soon make the Marx brothers’ movies look tame in comparison.  If that happens, don’t say we didn’t give you a heads-up a full month before the mid term elections were held.

Dorothy Parker said:  “Los Angeles is 72 suburbs in search of a city.”

Now the disk jockey will play “I Love L.A.,” “L. A. Woman,” and the theme music from Dragnet.  We gotta go try the burgers at “The Counter.”  Have a “that’s a wrap!” type week.  This is the World’s Laziest Journalist reporting live from the Cow’s End Coffee House (where we take fiendish delight in provoking conservative trolls by using the Imperial “we”!).

Richard Fine released from jail

The World’s Laziest Journalist has written several columns about the plight of Marina Tenants Association’s lawyer, Richard Fine.

We were delighted to learn

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2010/09/attorney-richard-fine-spent-a-year-and-a-half-in-jail-on-contempt-of-court-charges-is-that-justice.html

that he was released from jail on Friday.

We posted the above link on the Smirking Chimp site ASAP.   We’ll try to write and post a column chop-chop.

The Philip K Dick effect in Berkeley

Walking around in Berkeley, recently, some very Philip-K-Dickish thoughts and storylines about time travel began to inspire some efforts at fiction writing.  When that was followed up by a chance to return to the City of Angeles it didn’t take long for it to seem like we had traveled back in time to when we used to go to work in the 90403 zip code every day.  The first column by this writer to get cross-posted online was one written several years back when it seemed like the topic of a Presidential Library for a fellow who didn’t like writing things down and was very secretive presented an irresistible opportunity to express some cynical skepticism about the prospect.

When we thought back to that column, during a stroll on the Santa Monica Mall, it seemed like it needed to be updated and rewritten to make some new points regarding the concept of a Presidential Library for Barack Obama. 

It’s not that Barack Obama is like George W. Bush at all, but it does seem that the idea of a Presidential Library for President Barack Obama will be as distasteful to the Republicans as the thought of a Presidential Library for Dubya was for the Democrats.

Let’s be blunt.  The Conservatives and the Republicans hate President Obama and if, as most of the high priced pundits think, the Republicans gain a majority in the House in the fall elections, not a single one of them will vote for the spending of one damn cent (or more) for a Presidential Library for Obama.  Thus any Obama Presidential Library will have to be a partisan effort and that, in turn, will only infuriate the Republicans even more.

The thought of an Obama Presidential Library at any time in the future will spur the Republican majority in the new Congress to work very hard to find a reason, any reason at all will do, for them to start impeachment proceedings the day after they pick their new House majority leader.

When the aforementioned column about the possibility of a George W. Bush Presidential Library was posted online, a good number of comedians just happened to come up with jokes about such a facility and what might be displayed in it.  Many of the jokes suggested coloring books.

The Republicans have indicated that if they gain a majority in the House in the 2010 elections, they will produce political gridlock.  We’ve suggested that the Republican strategy is tantamount to a de facto sit down strike but no one else has used that metaphor. 

This columnist can not recall seeing any other commentary about the challenges an Obama Presidential Library will face and so it will be interesting to see if anyone subsequently brings this up soon after this column is posted.

Won’t Rush Limbaugh become apoplectic when he realizes the strong likelihood that there will someday be a President Obama Presidential Library?

It will be virtually impossible to listen to Rush’s program during the coming week and so if someone reads this column and then hears Rush risking a coronary by talking about the prospect for an Obama Presidential Library during next week, we would ask that they post a comment noting the coincidence.

Ths idea of an Obama Presidential Library will upset Rush just as much as the phrase “Jeb Bush Presidential Library” would rile up most Democrats.  We’ll leave that prospect for inclusion in a future column about the unreliability of the electronic voting machines, which we intend to write some time in the future.

Note:  This column was written in and will be posted from a coffee house in Venice CA.  We are having a great time visiting L. A., but (there’s always a “but,” in these columns, eh?) we would rather be writing science-fiction in Berkeley!

Before we run the final quote, we’ll just point out that big forest fires are never blamed on terrorists.  (Nor are accidents in San Bruno.)

In “A Scanner Darkly,” Philip K. Dick wrote:  “One of the most effective forms of industrial or military sabotage limits itself to damage that can never be thoroughly proven – or even proven at all – to be anything deliberate. It is like an invisible political movement; perhaps it isn’t there at all. If a bomb is wired to a car’s ignition, then obviously there is an enemy; if public building or a political headquarters is blown up, then there is a political enemy. But if an accident, or a series of accidents, occurs, if equipment merely fails to function, if it appears faulty, especially in a slow fashion, over a period of natural time, with numerous small failures and misfiring- then the victim, whether a person or a party or a country, can never marshal itself to defend itself.” “One of the most effective forms of industrial or military sabotage limits itself to damage that can never be thoroughly proven – or even proven at all – to be anything deliberate. It is like an invisible political movement; perhaps it isn’t there at all. If a bomb is wired to a car’s ignition, then obviously there is an enemy; if public building or a political headquarters is blown up, then there is a political enemy. But if an accident, or a series of accidents, occurs, if equipment merely fails to function, if it appears faulty, especially in a slow fashion, over a period of natural time, with numerous small failures and misfiring- then the victim, whether a person or a party or a country, can never marshal itself to defend itself.”

Now the disk jockey will play “Night on Bald Mountain,” “Thus Spoke Zarthustra,” and Iron Butterfly’s “Inna Godda Davida.”  We have got to go back in time to point out to H. G. Wells where he got the basic principles of time travel wrong.  Have a “been there; done that” type week.

A coincidence for liberals?

The fact that the Smirking Chimp website could run out of funding on the last day of September is not without a heavy dose of irony for James Dean fans because of the symbolism of the death of a voice of nonconformity.  James Dean’s death, <a href =http://www.jamesdeanmemorialjunction.com/>on a remote highway on September 30, 1955, near Cholame CA</a>, put a crimp in the rebel image that was popular during the mid-Fifties and if Smirking Chimp runs out of funds, that would diminish even more the limited amount of anticonservative voices being heard in contemporary American culture and might be seen by some staunch Republicans as the removal of the last voice of objection protesting the fact that Jeb Bush is the Bush family heir apparent and their main hope for a restoration of the Bush Dynasty.  They might perceive the death of Smirking Chimp as a green light for Jeb.  Most pundits seem to think that Jeb Bush has as much chance of winning in November of 2012, as Jett Rink (James Dean) had in the movie Giant of striking oil. 

Do liberal Democrats really expect Fox news to point out that the expected Republican majority in the House and Senate for the next two years may be part of a coordinated plan to deliver the Republican Presidential nomination and 2012 win to one specific Republican candidate?  Fox will be content to infer that a generic Republican candidate may benefit from Republican guerrilla war in the legislative branch of government, but does any intelligent analyst, looking at the situation in the Republican Party, think that Karl Rove has worked for the Bush family since 1973 with the objective of helping Mitt Romney win the 2012 election?

Will Fox point out that the party that claims they want to reduce the size of government was the same one that permanently (and enthusiastically) added the Department of Homeland Security to the list of the government agencies swelling the national budget?

If the rookie witch and the chicken lady become U. S. Senators, will Fox feature them consistently or will Fox focus on the President’s efforts to cope with simultaneous sit down strikes in the House and Senate?  Either way they will be distracting voters and obscuring legitimate news topics with tangential news of questionable quality.  Would Fox frame obstreperous Republicans as “bad sports” or would they be hailed as modern equivalents of the rebellious colonialists who became America’s founding fathers?  Will Fox use the phrase “Triumph of the Will” in any reports about Republican obstructionism? 

Didn’t Fox News contribute to a fund for Republican candidates running for the Senate?  What are the odds that Fox will, in an effort to promote a lively debate about national issues, contribute to the Smirking Chimp fund raising effort?

For liberals to ignore the distinct possibility that Jeb will be elected President in 2012 is like living in Concordia Kansas and dismissing tornados as just another way to scare kids as Halloween approaches.

There is a Hollywood legend that asserts that there is enough unused footage from the movie Giant to edit together a sequel.  Would Jett Rink (James Dean) use Texas oil money to fuel a successful bid to become a U. S. Senator? 

What are the chances that in the next two years, Fox News will advise anyone who fears the possibility that Jeb Bush will be declared (2000 style?) the winner of the 2012 Presidential election, to read Hans Fellada’s 1932 novel “Little Man, What Now?”  Forewarned is forearmed. 

This columnist may be the only person seriously unnerved by the idea that Jeb will be inaugurated in January of 2013, but the idea is just as much a conviction as was the certainty that Joe Nameth and the Jets would manage a win over Johnny Unitas and the Colts.  This time, however, we will enlist the aid of a colleague in Great Britain to get a wager with good odds down before the long shot candidate becomes more of an even-money bet.

A country which continually boasts that one of its main strong points is freedom of speech might seem a bit hypocritical if it lets an outlet for expressions of dissention fail.  Did Germany in the Thirties welcome or fund any opposition points of view? 

Hans Fallada’s two greatest novels bookended the Hitler Administration and reading those two obscure literary works from the past, now, produces a chilling feeling of familiarity.

More work for less money?  In the earlier of the aforementioned novels, Hans Fallada wrote:  “Damned robbers, what do they care how people like us are to live?” 

Now the disk jockey will play “Yellow Rose of Texas,” Randy Newman’s “Mr. President (Have Pity on the Working Man),” and the Jefferson Airplane’s “Volunteers.”  We have to get back to our copy of “Every Man Dies Alone.”  Have an “I’m a rich ‘un” type week.

http://www.smirkingchimp.com

According to whom?

Has the New York Times decided to follow Fox News’ lead and become shills offering partisan political propaganda to their audience? The first sentence of the New York Times’ lead article on Monday October 11, 2010 [1], would get an “F” in a Journalism 101 classroom. It read: “Republicans are well-positioned to pick up a substantial number of governor’s seats in this year’s election, with potentially far-reaching effects on issues like the new health care law, Congressional redistricting and presidential politics.” The writers (Jeff Zeleny and Monica Davey) do not say what evidence caused them to jump to that conclusion. If it is based on extensive, quality polling that would be a very strong reason to draw that conclusion; if it was based on a partisan press release (from Karl Rove?) that would completely destroy the logic of agreeing with that conclusion.

The World’s Laziest Journalist, on Monday afternoon, fired off an e-mail questioning that example of poor journalism, to the New York Times ombudsman, Arthur Brisbane. (We didn’t even get an automated reply.)

We also raised some additional points of concern about the quality of the item in question. The second paragraph contains this sentence: “But the balance appears likely to shift, perhaps markedly, with Republicans holding the upper hand in many of this year’s 37 races, including those in crucial political battlegrounds.” Who says the “balance appears likely to shift”? What evidence indicates “perhaps markedly”? Isn’t “Republicans holding the upper hand in many of this year’s 37 races” a bit vague?

Later on in the story the writers say: “But Republican candidates for governor are benefiting from the same climate that has put the party in position to win control of the House and make gains in the Senate.” Objection! The propagandists are making an assumption not previously entered in evidence. Who says that? Karl Rove again?

The writers also say: “The anxieties are being translated into a broader feeling from voters: a call for change not only in Washington but also in state capitals.” Did the writers tour the USA and talk to voters or did they get a news release from Rove? Aren’t travel budgets for reporters being reduced?

The writers say: “But Republican candidates for governor are benefiting from the same climate that has put the party in position to win control of the House and make gains in the Senate.” Objection! Isn’t that sentence more like subliminal suggestion than journalism? The Republican noise machine has been proclaiming a looming Republican landslide, but does that tsunami of partisan political propaganda qualify as uncontestable evidence that it is just about to happen? Some tangible evidence, such as quality polling data, would make better journalism than drivel from reporters imitating the Pope’s infallibility act.

If journalism in the United States has deteriorated from the high point of Edward R. Murrow’s “See It Now” half hour report on Senator Joeseph R. McCarthy (broadcast on March 9, 1953) to the point where The World’s Laziest Journalist has to call out the New York Times for falling to the level of producing partisan political propaganda of the sort usually provided by Fox News, then it seems the only lower level will be a Karl Rove directed version of Hitler’s variety of journalism provided by the Volkischer Boebachter newspaper.

If this columnist is wrong and the level of journalism in that story would be endorsed by the staff of the Columbia Review of Journalism, then we would be glad to offer a column with a big apology in it.

If we are correct and the New York Times is undercutting Democracy with partisan political propaganda disguised as journalism, then we are reluctantly going to realize that the best way to “go along to get along” will be to start marketing “Jeb in ’12” T-shirts.

We urge readers to send e-mail to the editors of the Columbia Review of Journalism (their e-mail is editors the at symbol cjr dot org) and strongly urge them to adjudicate this matter. (Maybe even send a CC to Arthur Brisbane at the “Great Gray Lady”?) If they find that the story in question qualifies as an example of commendable journalism, we will be forced to consider switching back to providing online film reviews. If they call out the New York Times, it would just be natural to write a column full of gloating. If the CJR crew ignores calls to play referee, we will remind our readers of the old legal maxim: silence implies consent.

In a speech, (according to page 539 of Murrow: His Life and Times, by A. M. Sperber, [Freundlich Books hardback]) Edward R. Murrow told the Radio and Television News Directors Association: “Surely we shall pay for using this most powerful instrument of communications to insulate the citizenry from the hard and demanding realities which are to be faced if we are to survive. I mean the word ‘survive’ literally . . . .”

We wonder if Murrow would report on the reliability of voting results produced by the electronic voting machines or if he would blithely add his voice to the chorus of political propaganda reporting, without attribution, on an expected Republican sweep in the fall elections which will be difficult to dispute because of the stories that include pontifications such as: “has put the party in position to win control of the House and make gains in the Senate”?

Did anyone other than Bard Friedman at the Bradblog report on the revelations, in a hearing held Friday October 8, 2010, in Washington D. C., about the test of the security of the online voting system that was being studied?
http://www.bradblog.com/?p=8118 [2]

If the Republicans win a majority in the House and Senate it will truly be time for all Americans to say: “Good night, and good luck.”

Fun at Bouchercon 41

This column will not contain any political commentary and, instead, will be about a fan’s reaction to attending Bouchercon 41 in San Francisco Oct. 14 to 17, which is the annual convention for mystery writers and fans and is named after William Anthony Parker White (AKA Anthony Boucher) who was a pioneer in the fields of both writing hard-boiled fiction and reviewing mystery novels.

The annual event is held in a different city each year and the selection of San Francisco as this year’s host city was appropriate because “Baghdad by the Bay” has a rich history for fans of detective novels starting with the fact that both Daschiel Hammett and his PI (Private Investigator) Sam Spade worked in the northern California city that is located at the Southern end of the Golden Gate Bridge. 

A large subgenre of detective novels features an amateur sleuth who works full time and solves mysteries on a part time basis.  The day job background is an amazing smorgasbord of fascinating jobs, which often reflect the novelist’s past work history.  While at the Bouchercon we learned of novels featuring a detective who is a geologist (Susan Cummins Miller), a scrap booker (Joanna Campbell Slan), a travel writer (Hilary Davidson), and a former nun (Alice Loweecey).

Many police procedurals are written by former cops.  A sizable number of lawyers have decided to augment their retirement fund by writing fictional crime novels base upon their real life experiences.

This columnist noticed a woman in a very conspicuous hat and asked her:  “Are you Miss Marple?”  It turned out she was Jeanne M. Dams whose next book will be titled:  “It Was a Dark and Stormy Night.”  When she said she wanted to write a Tea-cozy thriller novel, we blurted out a concept for a plot that her phrase conjured up.  She said it had merit and would take the suggestion under advisement.

We encountered four folks who were part of the staff of the Mystery Book Store in the Westwood section of Los Angeles, which has been a personal favorite of ours since before they moved to that particular section of town.  We learned from one of them that the Los Angeles Times’ Festival of Books which has been held annually at UCLA will be held in 2011 on the campus of the Bruin’s cross town rivals at USC.

We have been a fan of Doug Lyle’s non-fiction books about forensics and chatted with him several times during the SF event.  We intend to conduct an investigation into his new series of fictional adventures by a sleuth who is well versed in forensics.

It was at the aforementioned L. A. book store that we became aware of the novels of Tim Dorsey, who writes about criminals living in Florida, and so we were delighted to find a copy of Electric Barracuda in the goodie bag.

Lee Child was honored at Bouchercon 41 for Distinguished Contributions to the Genre.  Now we are going to add his novels about the knight errant named Jack Reacher to our “Must Read” list.  He was born in Great Britain but has become sufficiently Americanized to predict that the World Series will be a match-up between the Yankees and the Giants.  Although he himself is a Red Sox fan.

Rebecca Cantrell writes mysteries set in Hitler era Berlin (she knew about the evening TV newscasts during the Third Reich period) and so we will want to read all her novels.

Cara Black lives in San Francisco but her crime novels are based in Paris and so we put all her books on our literary “to do” list.

James R. Benn writes mysteries featuring a soldier in World War II and since one of our personal obsessions is life in occupied Paris, we’ll have to take a test drive (read) in one of his novels.

For a variety of reasons (to be elaborated in a future column about some news from the Maynard Institute), this columnist has become interested in the topic of prisoners who are innocent of the crimes that caused their arrest and so we spoke with Laura Caldwell, who took up the cause of a fellow who spent 5 years in a Cook County (Chicago) holding cell without a trial. She and others proved him innocent.  That inspired her book Long Way Home.

A segment of the mystery genre is occupied by former newspaper reporters who use the legends and lore they picked up on their beats to add authenticity to their tales of crime.  A smaller number are veterans from the wire services.  We were surprised (and showing our age) to learn from a former AP employee that AP is no longer Headquartered at 50 Rock.  Time marches on!

What political pundit wouldn’t be proud to boast that he (or she) had attended Nancy Drew’s 80^th birthday party?

The titles for the Bouchercon 41 panel discussions were a bit baffling until it was revealed that they were titles of episodes from the TV series Streets of San Francisco.

An odd tidbit of information, for this columnist, is that a reference to a personal TV series favorite, San Francisco Beat, was not heard once during the weekend event.  Then again, neither was Paladin.

San Francisco was touted as leading the nation in two categories:  the number per capita of Independent book stores and the per capita number of barrooms.

Due to a clerical error on the columnist’s part, we botched the chance to meet and talk to Kelli Stanley about her novel City Dragons, which is about events in San Francisco’s Chinatown, during the 1940’s. 

The 2011 Bouchercon will be held in St. Louis and it will be held September 15 to 18.  The following year it moves to Cleveland followed by Albany New York in 2013, and then Long Beach in 2014.

There were folks at Bouchercon 41 promoting the Ninth Annual San Francisco Film Noir Festival (AKA Noir City), which begins January 21, 2011, but the list of films to be shown has not been announced yet.

Mystery fans and columnists had to contend with a tsunami of information and so any write-up (such as this column) will have to be subjective, random, and capricious in nature and thus be a disservice to the many deserving authors who didn’t get a plug.  (Sorry!)  Such a column will, however, be a way to set out some Google bait which will cause a great number of mystery writers to find this particular web site. 

There is enough information about crime fiction set in San Francisco to fill a book, which is precisely the reason why the book titled Golden Gate Mysteries is being published by the University of California at Berkeley.

The 125 Anniversary edition of Bartlett’s saw fit to include this quote from Dashiell Hammett’s hard-boiled classic, The Maltese Falcon:  “That’s the part of it I [Sam Spade] always liked.  He [Flitcraft] adjusted himself to beams falling, and then no more of them fell, and he adjusted himself to their not falling.”

Now the disk jockey will play the soundtrack albums from the movies:  Bullitt, Vertigo, and Dirty Harry.  We have to go to the Berkeley Public Library and start whittling down our now gigantic sized “must read” list.  Have a “Go Giants!” type week.  Hope over to our photo blog “floppyphotos” also on wordpress, for photo coverage of the SF event.

Revisiting China Basin

In 1969, a friend convinced this writer to put aside dreams of aspiring to be the new/next Herb Caen and, instead, go to work at a large company of the public utilities type, and concentrate on earning big bucks which could be used to live out the “on the road” fantasies at vacation time.  The evasive maneuver was known, at the time, as “selling out to the establishment.”  On the lunch hour break, while undergoing training to become an ad salesman, we would walk on the nearby drawbridge and talk with our classmates about our hopes and aspirations.  Little did we realize that forty one years later we’d still be on that very same bridge and that the boats coming and going would be populated by folks living out their dream of experiencing a World Series game in McCovey Cove.

Have things changed since then?  Somewhere nearby there used to be a world class dive bar built cantilever style out over the bay and on their jukebox there was a copy of Dooley Wilson’s “As Time Goes By.”  Well, time has gone by and that bar is gone and ATT Park is the repository for a goodly number of hopes and aspirations for the folks living in that neighborhood.  The name of the war has changed.  We finally got out of Vietnam and into Afghanistan.  I learned, in the interim, that a fellow who was on the staff of our college newspaper and yearbook back in the day, was in San Francisco, at that very same time, working as the ME (managing editor) of a rock’n’roll fanzine called “The Rollilng Stone” (The writer O. Henry had published a magazine with the same name).  Woulds/coulda/shoulda.  We never did bump into him at that time.  Pity. 

Hunter S. Thompson was a founding father of the Gonzo branch of journalism and he was the type of guy who would fly to Africa to cover a fight and then not go to the event to get his story, so we figured that going to McCovey Cove and getting the details about what goes on in China Basin (AKA McCovey Cove) while the clock does the countdown to the start of Game One in the 2010 World Series was a good idea which would win Thompson’s seal of approval.

Folks were holding up signs indicating that they still had not purchased tickets for the game.  Didn’t they realize that tickets to the event were a valuable commodity and that it would take a large fistful of dollars to buy such a sought after item? 

Hope springs eternal.  Just in case, we scribbled out the words “Need Spare Media Pass,” which caused a mirthful reaction but was a futile existentialist’s errand. 

We had a diet cola drink at nearby Jelly’s bar, but it just wasn’t the same as slugging down a beer while listening to something from the Casablanca soundtrack album.  BTW Casablanca was (when I was there in 1965) not as exotic and alluring as Americans were led to believe.  It was rather intimidating to be a tourist there and have the locals start up a conversation by asking:  “Hey, American, how much money you got?”  Casablanca was, in fact, one of only two places in the world where I’ve been asked for a tip.  We went into a bar in Casablanca and, after ordering a beer (which we drank straight from the bottle rather than use the glass provided), was told by the bartender who put an empty plate down in front of us:  “That is where you put de tip!”  I had let the guy take the money for the brew from a collection of coins in my hand and so I selected one or two of the biggest and put them on the plate.  The other place where I have been asked for a tip was a restaurant in Oklahoma.  After serving my meal the waitress asked if I was going to leave a tip.  (Times were difficult in the Sixties.)

While we wandered toward Jelly’s bar, we noticed a fellow who seemed to be preparing for a day at the beach and we queried him about his attire and he informed us that he and his three lady companions were going to don wetsuits and take to their surfboards and one inflatable kayak and experience McCovey Cove in McCovey Cove.  He had, we were informed, experience one of the playoff games in the baseball stadium and he had (in the past) done the surfing McCovey Cove thing and the latter was more enjoyable, so he and his companions were going to experience the first game “in the drink” (as it were) rather than with drinks.

One fellow, who seemed to be <a href =http://floppyphotos.wordpress.com/2010/10/28/a-visit-to-mccovey-cove/>a reporter in a kayak</a>, was seen interviewing these folks.  Why didn’t we think of that?

Jelly’s bar had a rustic quality to it and we figured that if we were forty one years younger, maybe it would have been just as good, if not better, than the other one from the past. 

The scoreboard didn’t feature the TV feed all the time and it seemed like taking a portable radio would have been a good idea. 

Seeing the fighter jets flyover during the National Anthem was a thrill.  We know that President St. Reagan espoused the philosophy “Once you’ve seen one; you’ve seen them all” about redwood trees, but that point of view doesn’t seem to apply to being buzzed by a quartet of jets. 

As we walked away from the China Basin area, we overheard a newsman talking to a fellow who had traveled many miles to attend the World Series, but the ticket he had bought on the street turned out to be bogus and his money was gone, he was outside the stadium, and (allegedly) all the police could do was listen sympathetically. 

When, in 1969, this columnist was called into the office at the aforementioned public utilities firm and informed that the “selling out to the establishment” experiment was, in their eyes, an abject failure, we hightailed it out to the previously mentioned gravity defying bar and contemplated a life devoted to becoming: a digital beatnik (we’d never heard that term at that time), a gonzo wannabe, and/or a columnist roaming around San Francisco looking for material to be used in a column.

As we peered into our glass, on that fateful day in 1969, and contemplated the future, little did we know that it would all come down to betting everything on the results of the 2010 midterm elections.  The war has changed.  The music has changed.  But can a hippie seriously assert that the times, they are a chaingin’ or is it more like the French say:  “The more things change; the more they remain the same!”?

It seemed, back then, like things weren’t working out as we planned.  Would we ever get to Harry’s New York bar in Paris, Skimpy’s in Kalgorlie, or the Sandbar in Venice?  Nobody bats a thousand and two outta three ain’t bad.  The bikers’ bar in Venice was just too intimidating and so we never did have a diet soda there.  It’s too late now.  That place has changed into a fancy restaurant.  As they used to say in the Sixties:  “Maybe in another lifetime!”

Yogi Berra once (famously) advised:  “When you come to a fork in the road; take it!”

Now the disk jockey (if he likes having a regular gig) will play Dooley Wilson’s version of “As Time Goes By,”  Otis Readding’s “Dock of the Bay,” and Willy Nelson’s “On the Road Again.”  We have to go find out if there will be a “watch the results” party at Jerry Brown’s Campaign Headquarters (or someplace else?) next Tuesday.  Have a “watchin’ the tide roll in” type week.

So You Think

On Sunday, October 31, 2010, the front page of the New York Times presented its readers with a graphic, on the top of page 1 indicating that there were 19 Senate races in the mid-term elections which would determine the makeup of the Senate from now until the Presidential Election in 2012. 

Isn’t it odd that so many American political pundits use horse race metaphors for stories about the elections but don’t mention the coincidence that America’s Election Day coincides with Australia’s version of Kentucky Derby Day because the annual Melbourne Cup race is held on the first Tuesday in November?

Frank Rich, on page 8 of the Week in Review Section in that same edition of the New York Times, wrote:  “One dirty little secret of the 2010 election is that it won’t be a political tragedy for Democrats if a Tea Party icon like Sharon Angle or Joe Miller ends up in the United States Senate.” 

In the past one assessment of Republican strategy asserted that they like to take two steps forward and one step back and achieve a slow but continuous movement towards their goals.  Later in the first sentence of the fifth paragraph:  “Karl Rove outed the Republican elites’ contempt for Tea Partiers in the campaign’s final stretch.”  Rich casually adds that the Rove’s remark was made “when speaking to the European press.” 

Wasn’t denouncing one of your own an old Geheim Staatspolizei (AKA Gestapo) trick?

If the Republican steering committee (Rove himself?) has become impatient with the pace of slow but inexorable progress, is it not possible that they might, in an effort to speed things up, be crafty enough to go to a tactic of letting the Tea Party advocate three steps forward, denounce that as moving too fast, and (reluctantly?) settling for a compromise of two and a half steps forward rather than the three advocated by the Tea Party?

Surely the Democrats, who are leaking the aforementioned “dirty little secret,” have in their younger days, received their grandmother’s admonition to:  “Be careful what you wish for.”  (Grandmothers are permitted to end a sentence with a preposition.) 

Have many/any of the nationally recognized political pundits offered their audience the idea that perhaps all the instances of home foreclosures could be looked at from the Republican point of view and be called extreme voter suppression? 

Isn’t it difficult for the homeless to register to vote?  How many of the newly homeless would believe that the Republican candidates are on the side of the little guy and vote for the fat cats?  Is it possible that some of the new homeless would, if they could, cast votes that repudiate the politicians who authorized bank bailout money?  What, if any, effect would the votes of the homeless have on this year’s mid-term elections?  Well, it’s too late now to wonder about that because we’ve reached the point that is similar to the moment in the annals of music when Bill Graham would say:  “Ladies and gentlemen, it’s all about to happen!” and, indeed, it is.

The New York Time’s front page color coded assessment of the Senate races was a bit vague on specifics.  They did say that all tossup seats are held by Democrats and highlighted the races in the states of Washington, Colorado, and Pennsylvania.  Saying that 19 of the races are “in play” will make it a bit difficult to asses their clairvoyant-accuracy rating on Wednesday morning, but most folks, Republican and Democrat, will be so absorbed with assessing the “meaning” of the results, predictions from the previous weekend will be mostly irrelevant, except to Giants or Texas fans.

Does anyone remember that on the morning of the 2000 Presidential Election, CBS radio’s World News Roundup ran a spoiler item about the fact that there were three times as many TV news trucks gathered at the Bush home than there were at the Gore family residence?

This columnist maintains that the Republicans use the electronic voting machines to micro-manage the results and that contention is a bit too radical even for Berkeley.  Using our unpopular and much maligned criteria for making winner projections, we will try to be a bit more specific than the New York Times.   Please note that these projections, like the horoscope feature in newspapers, is presented for amusement and entertainment purposes only.

There are at least three good metaphors to use to frame the mood at the election desk at the World’s Laziest Journalist’s World Headquarters as it prepares to project the winners in the 2010 mid-term elections.  Similar situations would be:

The way French citizens felt as the Nazi army of occupation rolled into Paris.

The way the German generals felt when their leader denied them permission to retreat out of Stalingrad.

The way the men felt who stepped over the line in the sand at the Alamo.

Here are the World’s Laziest Journalist’s predictions/projections:

The Republicans will gain 75 seats (and a majority) in the House.

The Republicans will gain ten seats (and a majority) in the Senate.

Senate wins will be scored by Chistine O’Donnell, Sharon Engle, Pat Toomey, and Dino Rossi.

The big upset will be Alvin Greene who will simultaneously cause President Obama added grief in the effort to present a coherent picture of accomplishment, but will also rid Karl Rove of a challenge to his authority as the de facto Republican quarterback, by easing Senator Jim DeMint out of the limelight and into the footnote in history level of relevancy.

The Democrats will have some other good news.  We project Jerry Brown as the winner of the Californian governor’s race and that Barbra Boxer will hold on to her seat in the Senate.

Wait!  There’s more:  Assuming that the Republicans have a hole card that will deliver the impeachment of President Obama, then Joe Biden will be sworn in and will, during his time in office, have to contend with (according to our projections) Senators O’Donnell, Engle, and Greene, a few extra challenges such as a New York governor name Paladino, a Congress trying to repeal the Health Care Act approved by its predecessor, a Republican majority agenda that will deliver one humiliation after another to the Democratic occupant in the White House.

Last but certainly not the least of our predictions; since we believe that Jeb will become President, it’s piece of cake to make a long-term prediction that when the coach (Karl Rove) signals the bullpen for Jeb to take the “frontrunner” mantle and for Sarah Palin to “hit the showers,” at that point Sarah Palin will become a contestant on the next season of “Dancing with the Stars.”

[Note:  For more on this year’s Melbourne cup see:

http://www.3news.co.nz/Melbourne-Cup--a-guide-to-todays-field/tabid/415/articleID/184130/Default.aspx]

John F. Kennedy, in his Inaugural address, said:  “If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.”  On Tuesday, America will bet that it can.

Now the disk jockey will play the Grannies’ “We Ruined It for Everyone” (off their Hot Flashes album), Johnny Clueless’ “I Don’t See Why” (from the Kissed in Kansas album), and the Galactic Cowboys’ “No Problems.”  We have to go and try to get to get to an Anti-Vietnam War rally.  Have a “So You Think” type week.

“Back to the drawing board!”

Liberal pundits now face a nightmare binary choice:  they can agree with Fox News that the voters of America have just given President Obama a chillingly ominous signal (similar to the “black spot” message in Treasure Island?) or they can subscribe to the lunatic conspiracy theory that the election results were skewed somehow – with the possibility that the electronic voting machines are the Occam’s Razor style leading contender for a theory explaining the sudden about-face in American politics.

Teabaggers would be quick to denounce any attempts to blame the electronic voting machines for the losses, because such arcane explanations are suspiciously similar to the incomprehensible mumbo-jumbo of the scientists who promote the global warming theory that attempts to refute the Bible. 

Pundits, who repeat the Republican talking points about a mandate to reduce the size of government and the deficit, security, and the promotion of the traditional American philosophy that individuals can achieve their full potential in the freedom loving society of the United States of America, will be given a tumultuous round of applause for their efforts and, perhaps, warm words of praise in their next employee evaluation accompanied, of course, by a terse reminder that a reward in the form of increased monetary remuneration is, regretfully, temporarily impossible during the current period of economic challenges to his employer.  You know how that goes:  “Nice work, boys, pass these cigars around; then let’s get back to work!”

The lunatics, who make snide accusations that the fault lies in the secret computer programs used by the electronic voting machines, will be put in a metaphorical straightjacket and sent to the Internet Isolation Ward without supper.

To think that the Republicans were and are accountable for war crimes, carnage and slaughter in the Middle East, extreme cruelty via fraudulent home foreclosures, and religious hypocrisy, is complete luncacy, but to accuse the Republicans of tampering with the sacred tradition of free elections is tantamount to accusing them of treason.

Speaking of reviving the House Un-American Activities Committee, we recently noticed (“Martin Dies” by William Gellermann The John Day Company hardback edition 1943) that it has been said:  “(Martin) Dies explains that individuals have certain God-given rights and that ‘the destruction of one fundamental right is always followed by the destruction of all others.’  The ‘real answer’ is to restore ‘Christian influence’ in America.  The teachings of Karl Marx are diametrically opposed to those of Jesus Christ.”

Pundits of the lunatic conspiracy theory kind can question the validity of the results produced by the electronic voting machines, but they do so at their own peril.

We would like to direct the attention of those potential agent provocateurs to this passage:   “He (Martin Dies) considered it a fact that many well-intentioned people in the United States had been misled by Communist slogans and had taken part in the Communist movement thinking they were promoting liberty.”  (Ibid page 110)

It is time for President Obama to signal his readiness to work with the new Speaker of the House and he can do so by waving the white flag of surrender.  Then the country can devote its full attention to the daunting tasks at hand.

In 2008, the Democratic candidate promised Change.  Well, if he doesn’t show any willingness to compromise with the newly elected Republican House, he will be called “intractable” and thus conclusively prove that he is a hypocrite.

Hunter S. Thompson was always saying “Big Darkness Soon Come.”  He didn’t live long enough to see just how correct his assessment was.

We enjoy lunatic conspiracy theories as much as the next pundit and so we will keep a sharp eye out for the first signs of any such behavior on the Internets, such as a fixation with a new Impeachment via an old student loan application. 

Would President Obama agree to a quid pro quo?  He won’t veto the new Republican Health Care Bill and they, in turn, won’t start impeachment proceedings on that basis?

In 1943, the Democrat Martin Dies said:  “I am not a maudlin internationalist who believes that I or my Government can go all over the world and make people democratic, whether they want to be democratic or not.”  That certainly wasn’t the case regarding the liberation of French Indo-china, was it?

Now the disk jockey will play Waylon and Willie’s version of “I Don’t Care (If Tomorrow Never Comes),” Janis Joplin’s “Try (Just a Little Bit Harder)” and Hank Williams’ “My Son Calls another Man Daddy.”  We have to go collect some bets and make some new ones.  Have a “straighten up and fly right” type week.

Can Obama eat 50 eggs?

One short week ago, predictions that JEB Bush would be the winner of the 2012 Presidential Election  were regarded as Exhibit A for proving that the guy who made that statement was a conspiracy theory lunatic who had no concept of the reality of the contemporary American Political scene; this weekend as President Obama makes offers to negotiate with the Republicans and Nancy Pelosi makes plans to be considered for the post of House Minority leader, the idea that Karl “the Architect” Rove could pull it off is one of the possibilities for a complex and rapidly changing battle field situation.

Looking at that harsh prediction from the other “flip side” viewpoint might underscore the potential for any or all Republican candidates with their “eye on the prize” for 2012 would mean writing a column that offers the opinion that “President Obama has completed the scutt work necessary for the mid-term elections and has now magnanimously offered to negotiate with the Republicans while he prepares to coast to reelection in 2012.”

Of the two ideas, which sounds more impossible:  A.  President Obama will coast to reelection or B.  In January of 2013, Karl Rove will be the dignitary with the biggest smile as he sits with the elite watching the Inauguration on the temporary structure used every four years? 

If political pundits are skeptical about this scenario, why don’t they just ask Karl Rove for his take on this prediction?  

Is it too early for a JEB prediction?  Can an accurate prediction ever be made “too soon”?  At the end of 2009, on a different website, the World’s Laziest Journalist tried to sound the alarm (“clear the bridge, dive!  Dive!”) for the readers of liberal web sites, by writing:  “Meanwhile, the Republicans are very vocal in their assertions of being the true living patriots, while voting against every motion in sight.  Do you suppose that they know something about the unverifiable results that the electronic voting machines will produce next fall, that (t)he Democrats don’t see coming?  Maybe they should emphasis the point by making Merle Haggard’s ‘Sing Me Back Home’ their official song for next year’s elections and each time they play it, dedicate it to the Democratic candidates?”

We don’t intend to write a column reiterating the same prediction over and over from now until the results of the Iowa caucuses are announced.  We will open up the focus of the columns and address other topics in the hopes of amusing and entertaining any regular readers.   We may, throw a “brush back pitch” style column (or two?) about the possibilities that, early next year, a student loan application may come back (in the form of impeachment for perjury?) to haunt a certain high profile Democrat.

Naturally, there will be some politically oriented items along the road to the next Presidential Election, such as the fact that on Friday, November 05, 2010, Rush Limbaugh was goading the Republicans into spurning and ignoring President Obama’s generous proposal to consider any and all compromise offers from the Republicans.  Instead, Uncle Rushbo was inciting the conservatives to consider it as being similar to a chance for (hypothetical) negotiations between the Allies and Japan and Germany before they signed the documents agreeing to unconditional surrenders.

Maybe we’ll write a column about the disconnect and, for the headline, run the famous quote from the movie “Cool Hand Luke:”  “What we have here is . . . failure to communicate.” 

Maybe we’ll write a column about the “Electronic Voting Machine Club” and the fact that their second rule is the same as the first:  “You can never talk about the unverifiable results.”

We could maybe go back to doing movie reviews.  The new action adventure flick “Unstoppable” seems interesting.  Hmmm.  Wouldn’t it be great to do a column that was both a review of that movie and a way to interpret it as a political metaphor?

We noticed that the famous film critic, Roger Eber, seems to be preparing for a return to TV early next year.  Would paring the Pulitzer Prize winner with a conspiracy theory lunatic be a way to claim that the program featured “fair and balanced” reviews?

Nancy Pelosi endorsed the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” philosophy by indicating that she will seek the chance to be selected for the position of being the minority leader in the House. 

An example or a more trivial matter that deserves mention in the interim might be the fact that the Peterson Auto Museum in Los Angeles will conduct a tribute “Evening with Don ‘the Snake’ Prudhomme” Wednesday night.

In all the columns leading up to the mid-term elections, this columnist didn’t have the time to run a plug for Keith Richard’s new book titled “Life.”

Hmmm.  I wonder what Keith Olbermann would think of the World’s Laziest Journalist’s prediction about JEB? 

For do-it-yourself fact-checkers click these links

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2009/12/30/820532/-Such-is-life.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0477080/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Grey,_1st_Viscount_Grey_of_Fallodon

http://www.nhra.com/story/2010/10/13/prudhomme-to-be-honored-at-petersen-museum/

http://www.suntimes.com/business/lazare/2818038,CST-NWS-lew20.article

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/bookreviews/8113514/Life-by-Keith-Richards-review.html

Edward Grey (AKA 1^st Viscount Grey of Fallodon) is reported to have said (right before the British voted to enter World War I):  “The lamps are going out all over Europe.  We shall not see them lit again in our time.”  We think that quote also applies to the concept of Democracy in the USA.

Now the disk jockey will play Waylon’s “Ain’t Living Long like This,” Frank’s song “That’s Life,” and Hank Williams’ version of “A Picture from Life’s Other Side.”  We have to go attend a memorial service for Pontiac.  Have a “it’s just a flesh wound” type week.

Searching for the Conspiracy Theory of the Year

[Note:  This column is a work of fiction.  It is chock full of speculation, hypothesis, and conjecture and is slated to be the World’s Laziest Journalist’s official entry in the 2010 Lunatic Organization of Conspiracy Theorists’ Nutty Idea of the Year competition (which, like Fight Club, can’t be discussed).]

Sometime between 1973 and 1998 a clandestine group of patriots met (in secret, of course) and selected a group of young Democrats who were screened by a committee of psychologists as being fully qualified to be manipulated clandestinely for Republican Party purposes at a future date.

Members of the group were young, intelligent, highly motivated members of various Democratic minority splinter groups.

The psychologists were, like their highly paid associates who specialized in advising lawyers about the selection of potential citizens for jury duty in a specific case, looking for more than just a high IQ.  The right candidates had to show several specific qualities such as a tendency to be headstrong, proud, strong willed, arrogant in private, eager to please, and have high moral principles. 

Interesting sidelight:  some tests used in the selection questionnaire used in the past by various Personnel Departments to evaluate potential employees contain the question “Do you ever lie?”  All applicants who respond “Never” were automatically eliminated from further consideration.

The selectees were then subjected to a close inspection of their paper trail and a few who had interesting inconsistencies were advanced to the next elimination round.

The best candidates had to show a strong aptitude for self-deception.  For instance, a guy with a minor speech impediment, such as a slight bit of teeth whistle (it would be noticeable in words with an “s”) while speaking, had to be susceptible to flattery especially the kind that promoted the idea that he was a powerful and charismatic orator.  That’s just one example.  There are others, but we assume you get the picture.

The Democrats who made it to the “groom for success” elimination round, were then given some stealth boosts to their career.  We are not suggesting that the art of election deception via electronic voting machines was being used at that point in the history of democracy in action, rather, we are asserting that some bits of “off the record” assessments, such as “don’t say I said this, but we are really afraid of candidate X (Is that a deliberate pun on Malcolm X’s name?)” were fed to eager political pundits, who dutifully spread that idea as far and as fast as they could.

In America, it is absurd to maintain that the journalists, who value the fact that (as Mike Malloy is wont to say) theirs is the only profession with Constitutional guarantees (The First Amendment – Freedom of the Press), would play the Judas role for forty pieces of silver because we all know that America has the best journalists that money can buy.  They would never knowingly play along with this hypothetical scenario which suggests they were played by Republican strategists, but it could happen in another country and so we will press this impossibility into use for this example of a lunatic theory.  (Didn’t Sinclair Lewis say it best in the title to one of his books:   “It Can’t Happen Here!”?)

Back to our ridiculously absurd (Welcome Dadaists) confabulation (If Word says it is a word and you still want to challenge it; we say:  “Look that up in your Funk and Wagnalls.”):  Some of the unwitting Democrats were put on the fast track to success and subjected to some extensive media fawning.  They were given more “we really fear that guy” boosts. 

The best was selected (by this point in history, the electronic voting machines were “in play”) to become the Democratic Party nominee to play the rodeo clown who would divert America’s attention away from the budget bloating effects of the invasion of Iraq, Osama bin Laden’s miraculous escape from the trap in the Tora Bora mountains (which was just like a Three Stooges episode?), the 2004 election results in Ohio, the questions about Building 7, the convenient timing of the Spectrum 7 Energy Corp’s stock deal with Harken Energy, and last, but certainly not least, the biggest blunder in 43’s life when he traded Sammy Sosa.  [Not to mention the mysterious circumstances surrounding the death of Ronald (St.) Reagan’s former costar, Bonzo.]

The backroom Swengalis aren’t done with their fall guy yet.  His greatest service to the Republican puppeteers is yet to be played.  When the Republican majority in the House is sworn in next January, our hypothetical hero would (subjunctive mood for conspiracy theories) be called on to play the greatest victim role in the annals of American History.   

What could be a better way to divert America’s attention away from JEB Bush’s campaign than the Impeachment Process?  Our hero shut down the idea of a war crimes trial for Dubya.  It worked so well in the past, why not make a sequel?  Gees, do you have to be a Hollywood insider to know how well the sequel gambit works? 

When the hapless fellow is accused of lying he’ll have to deny it, even though all the personnel departments in the world expect honest applicants to admit that they have told lies.  It’s OK to tell lies, just don’t take it to the level where the bogus information is supposed to be considered “true under penalty of perjury.” 

Like a rookie baseball player who is goaded into taking a lead off first that is one step beyond the point of no return, this hypothetical example fellow, unfortunately, has however inadvertently provided the Republicans with a bit of paperwork that will be terrible binary choice:  either the fellow has committed perjury and should be impeached or he wasn’t born in the USA, which disqualifies him for the office he holds.

Maybe an Impeachment Hearing would finally answer the nagging question:  “Who would want to kill Dorothy Kilgallen and why would they want to do it?”

Some pundits will urge the fellow to resign before things get that bad.  No way, Jose!  The Republican psychologists are staking their professional reputations on their profiling abilities and are predicting that their guy will hold fast and challenge the Republicans to “bring it on!”  He will challenge the legitimacy of the paper work. 

When Bruno Hauptman was forced to provide the police with an example of his handwriting, wasn’t he also coerced into using the same misspellings found in the kidnapper’s’ ransom demand?  Wasn’t that “fact” later used in court against him?

Note:  the same experts who would testify that the signature “could” be a forgery would be challenged on the basis that their “expert” testimony was just as valid as that given by so-called scientists who are helping drive up the cost of polar bear (Uris martisimus) memorablia by asserting that the white creatures are on the verge of extinction.  Didn’t one of the signers of the Constitution once warn his fellow Americans:  “Never trust a scientist farther than you could throw him!”?

One clear hint that the Impeachment process is just about to start will be the fact that the Republicans will steal the focus of attention and the media coverage for the State of the Union Speech by boycotting the event.  Fox News will cue the Journalism Industry that the only possible explanation is that the Republicans have “evidence” that the President isn’t qualified to sit in the Oval Office and they will refuse to endorse the charade.  They will drop hints about what makes them think like that.   Then a day or so later, they will again take the initiative and the offensive by announcing the grounds for Impeachment.

When the Vice President gets sworn in as the replacement, all the GOP politicians will then resume their sit-down strike in the legislative branch of government and start ridiculing and belittling the non-Republican President.

If the above isn’t good enough to win the Conspiracy Theorists’ Nutty Idea of the Year Competition, what would be?

Well, don’t say you read it here, but some people say that this year’s dark horse nominee will be a column submitted by a crazoid who asserts that if you hold a photo of the once prominent Ayatollah Khomeini next to one of the few pictures in existence of Howard Hughes, you will immediately come to an astounding conclusion.

That conspiracy nut columnist is quick to point out that no one ever saw those two men in the same room at the same time.  “Gee, Lois, did you ever notice that Clark Kent has yet to be a witness for any of Superman’s amazing feats?”

The fact checker is still working on the idea that the first words that Lee Harvey Oswald said to newsmen in the Dallas jail were:  “I’m a patsy!” 

We need a better closing quote than that one.

Texas congressman, Martin Dies Jr. (not to be confused with his father Martin Dies Sr., who was a congressman from 1909 to 1919), who was the Chairman of the House Un-American Committee during World War II, in a 1932 statement about the fundamental issues, said:  “During the past decade a radical change has taken place in our economic life.  Although we still retain the external form, the professions and precepts of a democratic Government, there has grown up in our midst an industrial and financial oligarchy as absolute in its sway as ever existed in the heyday of mediaeval feudalism.”  (Martin Dies The John Day Company hardback page 33)

Is it too late to mention that Australia is celebrating Remembrance Day? 

Now, the disk jockey will play “Puff the Magic Dragon,” “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds,” and Sloppy Secondz’ “Whacky Weed.”  We have to go and participate in a Veterans Day debate on the topic:  “If Bush and Cheney are War Criminals are they entitled to be buried in Arlington National Cemetery?”  Have a “Why didn’t the NTSB reassemble (in a nearby warehouse) the jet airliner that hit the Pentagon, just like they did with TWA flight 800?” type week.

Laugh, Curtin old boy,

The confluence of three items, recently, in the World’s Laziest Journalist’s “in” box produced a Eureka moment when the nihilistic lessons of this columnist’s favorite movies snapped into focus. 

The first item was a feature news report, from Scientific American, heard on KKGN, San Francisco’s progressive talk AM radio station, about a psychological study that indicated mice who worked harder for a reward enjoyed it more intensely.  It was said to reinforce the traditional parental lesson that most kids are taught that the harder they work, the more intently they will enjoy reaping the fruit of their labor.

That, in turn, precipitated some college era memories about a deal whereby this writer would, if he pulled his grades up to a B average, be given permission to hit the bank account and buy a used car.  One A, three B’s, and a C produced the B average and a high level of euphoria for the student.  Unfortunately, the parent, in his best Republican style, said he couldn’t recall any previous quid pro quo agreement about good grades and an automobile.  Say “so-long!” to the “value of hard work” lesson. 

In the 2010 mid-term elections, the Democrats lost their majority in the House and almost lost their Senate Majority.  Even the Democratic President had to assess the results as a “shellacking.”

At the end of the classic film, Treasure of the Sierra Madre, two prospectors watch the gold that they have risked their lives for, and work feverishly for, blow away in a strong wind.  Howard, the old prospector, tells his partner:  “Oh laugh, Curtin, old boy. It’s a great joke played on us by the Lord, or fate, or nature, whatever you prefer. But whoever or whatever played it certainly had a sense of humor! Ha! The gold has gone back to where we found it!… This is worth ten months of suffering and labor – this joke is!”

Long before having an allergic reaction to the lesson of the mice and hard work experiment, this columnist had been primed by life to promote a happy-go-lucky response (picture Earl Flynn scoffing at danger in a classic pirate film) to misfortune and disappointment.

If a person adopted such a cynical-cavalier attitude towards life, could he maintain it at that point in his life where he found himself lying on the pavement of a remote highway with a broken leg and a fracture skull?  Does saying:  “You know in the movie how they always say:  ‘I think I have a broken leg,’ well when you have a broken leg, you know you have a broken leg” qualify? 

Bleeding out the ear is a battlefield symptom of a fractured skull.  When you arrive in the emergency room and the doctor wants to know if you have a concussion, he might hold up his hand and asks “How many fingers?”  Would responding “Do you count your thumb as a finger?” qualify as an example of a proper cynical-cavalier attitude, at that moment?  

[Personal aside:  It wasn’t until 1982, when we reread 1984, that we identified the “déjà vu” quality to the “How many fingers?” question.]

When all three of these factors came into alignment after the results of the mid-term elections became known, this columnist shrugged his shoulders and asked himself:  “What would Fred C. Dobbs do?”

We diligently searched the limited progressive media available for a result analysis of the “Eat, drink, and be merry – because tomorrow we die!” kind (often attributed to the men in World War I who faced the prospect of aerial combat with the Red Barron).  “Where is it?”  The progressive talk radio hosts were not as ebullient sounding as Rush Limbaugh.  

Where has the hippie generation “Age of Aquarius” optimism gone?

While working on staff of a daily newspaper in Santa Monica, we had a boss who advised the workers that if there was an atomic attack on Los Angeles (just imagine that there is a foreign sub with missiles lurking off the coast of Southern California), then we all should:  “Run towards the flash!” if an attack should take place.

So, where is the progressive talk radio with an excellent example of a cavalier attitude? 

(Note the Berkeley area musical group “the Grannies” offer their fans a bumper sticker proclaiming:  “My middle finger says you’re wrong!”  Where can I get one?)

The Democrats, who expect (like the mice in the aforementioned Scientific American item) their hard work to pay off, are in a funk.  The people, who enjoy the annual “Lucy pulls the football away” episodes from the Peanuts comic strip, will have to be content with reviewing all their favorite nihilistic movies.

The Treasure of the Sierra Madre with Howard’s speech at the end.

Citizen Kane  to understand the  “Rosebud” moment

Apocalypse Now for the “call in the air strike” denouement.

Help for the “Who wears the ring, must die!” line

The Third Man for the remark about what 500 years of peace and brotherhood produced for Switzerland.

Easy Rider  to hear “We blew it, Billy.”

Cool Hand Luke just to see that last smile

At the end of The Sound of Music, didn’t the Nazis march into Austria?

Rebel without a Cause to hear “Ray, I got the bullets!”

Maybe even Treasure Island?  Could the image of Long John Silver heading solo out to sea in big row boat be a metaphor for the plight of the Democratic Party at this point in time?

Some old Hollywood hands will offer the insight that all comedies end with a wedding and all tragedies end with a funeral.

Do you think that the Democrats and the Republicans are going to “kiss and make up” or is an Obama impeachment a very likely political development for next year?

Who was is that once said:  “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again . . . then give up ‘cause there’s no use looking like a damn fool”?

After more than six years of writing columns asserting that George W. Bush was a war criminal, this past week we got to hear some other folks say the same thing based on casual remarks the former President made during his triumphant round of promoting his new book on various TV shows. 

Will his casual confession lead to a war crimes trial or will it mark the turning point where Dubya’s bad press no longer became a factor for assessing the potential for JEB’s quest to restore the legacy of the Bush Dynasty and win the 2012 Presidential Election?

Perhaps one of W. C. Fields’ comments gives the best clue:  “If a thing’s worth having; its worth stealing (to get).”

Now the disk jockey will play “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” “If You Wish upon a Star,” and Joan Baez’s “Prison Trilogy (Billy Rose).”  We have to go and try to convince one particular website proprietor that we will recant and repent and henceforth espouse a sincere Pollyanna attitude towards everything the Democrats do and should be welcomed back like the prodigal son in the Bible parable.  Have a “Where’s Buzz” type week.

They call him “America’s Hitler”

The San Francisco Bay area’s prolonged Indian summer and other more important items seems to be coming to an end this weekend.  If the rains had arrived on schedule and been relentless in their assault on the area, it would be much easier to tear one’s self away from the sunset viewing parties on the veranda and crank out columns by the dozen.  The rains arrived last night and this morning we found out just what the country that produced the Volkischer Beobachter, Der Angriff, and Der Stửrmer newspapers thinks of American Journalism’s recent track record.  Will American media ever note that Der Spiegel made reference to “America’s Hitler”?  It seems like it’s time to get ready for a big winter storm and to write a pre-Thanksgiving column.

Earlier in the week, we have felt mildly inclined to write a column pointing out that the hippies who were against the war in Vietnam and invented the cultural Sixties phenomenon  known as free beaches, now seem to have become liberal radio personalities who are reluctant to get the full body scan.  Isn’t it a bit of an oxymoron to note that the generation that invented the drink called the “Sip and go naked,” now seem to be reluctant to let airport security determine if they are circumcised or not.  Go figure. 

A week or so ago, while we were flipping through a copy of The Rebel by Albert Camus (to refresh our impressions of that candidate for being the book that could be called The Existentialist’s Bible) we paused to reread some underlined passages in the section concerned with the Marquis de Sade.  When Camus specifically mentions Sade’s Society of the Friends of Crime, we immediately sensed that a potential political punditry column with many more recent contemporary references was possible. 

Camus writes:  “He (Sade) declares himself ostensibly in favor of the government and its laws, which he meanwhile has every intention of violating.  It is the same impulse that makes the lowest form of criminal vote for conservative candidates.”  (Note for skeptical teabaggers:  that’s on page 47 of the Vintage Books paperback edition of The Rebel.)  Tell me that passage doesn’t remind you of Dick Cheney and his Bush family accomplice (Doesn’t Unca Dick deserve a Presidential Library?) Dubya?

According to Camus, disciples of Sade “will not try to live again in the world of affection and compromise.”  Is there any Faux News shill who would seriously contend that Republicans should offer Obama affection and compromise?  (Ibid page 45)

When we read the Sade quote:  “I abhor nature . . . I should like to upset its plans, to thwart its progress, to halt the stars . . . and I cannot succeed in doing so.”  Our reaction was: How about writing a column asserting that the Marquis de Sade had a modern day proxy who used lies and deceit to approve of and urge the acceleration of global warming and thus achieve de Sade’s goal?

Didn’t Shakespeare say that the teabaggers could recite from memory extensive passages from the Marquis de Sade to promote any possible philosophy?  Or is it Mein Kampf they often quote at length? 

Speaking of Marquis de Sade, did a prominent Republican just publicly boast about violating the Logan act?  Mike Malloy used that bit of family values irony on his radio program recently to make that very assertion, so why bother writing a column about something folks already know?

Should we do a column that asks the Columbia Review of Journalism this question:  “Which group is more skeptical of their news media; the Germans in 1943 or Americans today?”

Wouldn’t it be kinda sad if Rupert spent all that money and created a paradox whereby Americans wouldn’t believe that anything his lackeys asserted was something “they could take to the bank”?  We could use the headline:  “Has American Journalism gone into foreclosure?”   Think of his fair and balanced cable network as being Murdock’s Marauders morphing into a broadcast version of the old Volkischer Beobachter.

What has happened to traditional American Journalism values?  In the days of old, one of America’s top city editors, Charles E. Chapin, said:  “I used to fire the boys for being late, or making up bum lies, or falling down on a story.  But I never fired a man for being drunk or getting in a personal jam.”  (As quoted in Robert H. Giles Newsroom Management R. J. Berg & Company, Inc. Hardback page 121) 

Here’s a question for the New York Times’ Public Editor, Arthur Brisbane:  “What would it look like outside the USA, if in the near future all paid journalist had to avoid any media appearances as a “lefty” on a debate style program to provide “balance” and the only Leftist representatives available for use on Fox was a blogger who bragged about being the World’s Laziest Journalist?”  Wouldn’t the American charade of having a free press look kinda hollow and anemic?  If conservatives buy up all the media and don’t let their staff speak with a lefty viewpoint, this extreme scenario could happen.

Between the time we wrote a rough draft of this column and the morning of Friday, November 19, 2010. we found online an example of what American Journalism looks like to reporters in another country.

Note for Mr. Brisbane and Mike Hoyt and the editors at the Columbia Review of Journalism:  The German newsmagazine Der Spiegel backs me up on my assessment that American Journalism is in piss-poor condition and is held in poor esteem.  For an online version (in the English language) of one of their stories they make reference to “America’s Hitler” and for the teaser state:  “the US press failed the First Amendment.”  We may be a bit too liberal for Berkeley and not be a credible source for criticism of American Journalism, but we think that Der Spiegel’s journalism credentials are formidable.  We’d love to see a response posted in the comments section.

Here is the link to that story:

http://www.spiegel.de/international/world/0,1518,508394,00.html

Can the trolls, who go over lefty blog postings with a magnify glass looking for misspellings to use as a way of invalidating all the facts (such as a misspelling of Errol Flynn’s name), be said to be both fans and antagonists?  Is fantagonist a real word? 

[Isn’t it curious how conservative readers work?  For liberal material one misspelling invalidates all a blogger’s facts, but when it comes to “Fair and Balanced;” they don’t care one wit about fact checking?]

Since gays in the military is once again a hot topic, perhaps we could reread James Michener’s biography, The World is my Home (Random House hardback pages 77 to 91) and get enough material for a good column about the Matareva matter during WWII.

Since the weatherman is predicting a weekend soaking, the prayers of the Tahoe snow resort owners may be answered and we may get a chance to do some more writing. 

Reassessing the recent election results, we recalled the words of F. Scott Fitzgerald used in The Great Gatsby:  “I had taken two fingerbowls of Champaign and the scene had changed before my eyes into something significant, elemental and profound.” 

Now the disk jockey will play Sympathy for the Devil, Street Fighting Man, and Have You Seen Your Mother Baby, Standing in the Shaddows?  We have to go batten down the hatches.  Have a “shovel ready” (Remember the old punch line:  “roll up your pants; it’s too late to save your shoes”?) type week.

” . . . for a cuppa coffee?”

Once upon a time, in a magical city, at about the time ground was being broken for the World Trade Center, a young recent college graduate was faced with a gut-wrenching moral dilemma because his mother had warned him to never give money to a bum who asserted the cash would be used for a cup of coffee, because that was a falsehood used by scoundrels to subsidize an indolent life of wretched excess and dissipation that often involved excessive consumption of alcohol, and the hapless lad did not wish to be an accessory to such a travesty of clean moral living, so when as a new arrival in the metropolis known as “The Big Apple,” he noticed that a very burly fellow of a different race had adopted the body English that announced an intention to seek a voluntary contribution to continue the life of debauchery under the hypocritical flag of charitable intentions; the guileless lad resolved to challenge the lie in no uncertain terms.<!–break–>

His plan of operation was thrown into complete disarray when the big guy said:  “Son, I wouldn’t try to shit ya; I need a drink.”  Well, honesty deserves a reward; he thought and immediately reached into his pocket and offered the fellow his choice of a large array of American coinage saying:  “Take what you need.”  The large fellow took three quarters and said “Thanks.”  It took a moment for the rural lad to grok to the fact that he had not  been taken advantage of, because it was logical to conclude that in such a city where a bottle of beer would obviously be dearer than in the dive bars surrounding the recently departed institute of higher learning.

In the time that transpired between his graduation from a Jesuit institution of higher learning in the early Sixties to this very moment, this columnist has encountered a large number of folks who could be classified as street beggars. 

Bob Hope movies had led us to expect that meeting a beggar in the streets of Casablanca would consist of an encounter with an amicable rascal who would use the phrases:  “Alms for the love of Allah” as a request for a contribution. 

When a stranger in Cassablanca, in what was then French Morocco, asked “Hey, American, how much money you got?,” we noted with great regret that there were no track and field officials around to officially record the short amount of time it took to put a mile behind us and the guy who might have had more than a voluntary contribution in mind.  (Does Roger Bannister’s record still stand as the official record?)

Is it a false memory to recall a visit to Berkeley in the Sixties (when Cody’s Books was an available bookstore experience for the connoisseurs of that particular mode of shopping) and an encounter with a genuine hippie who was using the then popular cliché request for “Spare grass, ass or cash?” to help make his life more endurable?  (Isn’t it pretty to think so?)

It came to pass in subsequent decades that the hero of this column’s opening vignette, came to live in the Mar Vista area of Los Angeles and in the course of events would often talk with a fellow who stood at one of the freeway exits and asked for money.  Rather than give him cash, the Good Samaritan offered occasionally to buy the guy lunch at the nearby Chinese Restaurant.  In the course of these meetings the beggar casually mentioned that he cleared about 38 K annually.  It was duly noted that was what he cleared and that if it was taxable take home that would put him in the same bracket as the wage slaves who earned about 60 grand a year.  He added that it permitted him to send his kids back East to college.  He had no reason to lie and the information was accepted as true.

More recently, back in Berkeley, we have encountered a tsunami of beggars.  Are the Sixties really over?  The days when we could make the “take what you need” response are long gone and we have had to adjust to the new hard times. 

We haven’t yet developed a consistent response.  Sometimes we give a small amount of cash and note that “it’s just a drop in the bucket,” other times we pass by.  Most days we give a small amount to the first person to ask.  There are two guys to whom we try to give a stipend every time we pass them.  There is no logical reason why they get preferred treatment.  Who was it who said:  “Consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds”? 

Recently we came to witness a new variation of the beggars’ routine that we have never before (not even in Casablanca) encountered; a person who cries while they mumble a sad request for cash.  One might think that it would have been a common ploy in the Hollywood area, where unemployed actors abound, but we can not recall such a dramatic flourish from the panhandlers in tinsel town. 

As this year’s Thanksgiving Day is about to be celebrated (mostly by Republicans), there is a strong desire to add a comment about saying a prayer thanking some divine spirit that America hasn’t had to abandon its two concurrent wars because of lack of funds.

This week, (many) America will spend one day displaying the attitude that has made fatness a fad, the next day will be a massive endorsement of the capitalist philosophy as the country starts buying Christmas presents that will add to the recipient’s cache of unused material possessions, and then, on Saturday, the first ever Small Business Saturday.  The image of tiny vermin scrambling to acquire small scraps that fall from the fat cats’ table is not inappropriate.  While all that is happening, the USA may send drone bombers (do they look like the V-2’s from Peenemünde?) to deliver Holiday messages of death and destruction to various homes in the Middle East as a way of beginning the celebration of the anniversary of the birth of the Prince of Peace.

There is a religious homily about a guy who gives to a beggar and says “There but for the grace of God, goes I.”  Apparently, for the New Great Depression, the new Conservative Christian attitude has morphed into:  “On the road to economic recovery, there’s bound to be some road kill along the way.  Don’t take any notice.”

A pathetic woman in a photo taken by Dorothea Lang became an icon of the last Depression. 

During World War II, artist Norman Rockwell was assigned to do four paintings illustrating America’s Four Freedoms.  To exemplify “Freedom from Want,” he showed a family enjoying a Thanksgiving Day feast. 

Would a photo of one of the crying beggars in America juxtaposed with one (Public Domain, of course) of Glenn Beck crying be too subtle for teabaggers?  Would it be more poignant if the Beckster was in the middle of a laughing jag?  Would the Republicans, who are “starving” for a tax cut extension, get the joke?

Republicans have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving:  none of them has been indicted for war crimes and never will be.

American Journalists have conducted an investigation and found that their version of a free press was above reproach regarding any charges of dereliction of duty during the Bush Administration.  They can be thankful this Thanksgiving that they gave themselves a passing grade.

Members of the clergy can continue being relentless in their role in assisting the capitalists by ignoring the robbers who foreclose on homes, the war criminals who defy logic with their rationales, the lenders who commit usury, and the extortionists who offer a reduced paycheck in return for an increase in productivity, and, instead, concentrate on advocating natural birth control methods for the poor suckers who must recant and renounce any heretical inclination toward liberation theology.

Skiers can be thankful that six feet of new snow arrived over the weekend at Tahoe.

Jacques Anatole Francois Thibault (AKA Anatole France) said:  “The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.”

Now the disk jockey will play the “Beggars Banquet” album, Mama Cass’ “Sing for your supper,” and “Cold pizza and warm beer.”  We have to go bail Jean Valjean out of jail; he’s been stealing bread again.  Have an “all you can eat” type Thanksgiving Day.

Want to play “Clue”?

The American Mainstream Media is once again being called on to do a marvelous job of ignoring the implications of the latest WikiLeaks data dump and not ask any question which would lead Americans to think for themselves.  Why shouldn’t they play along?  The American Media were accessories to Bush’s War Crimes by their silence, so why shouldn’t they, once again, help divert America’s attention away from the presentation of more evidence of his war crimes?

All the media coverage of the leaks focuses attention on just one fellow, Julian Assange.  If that fallaciously conjures up an impression of a lone hacker who rounds up some embarrassing information and then hits the “post” button on his computer and releases the material to the world; that will make the task of branding the fellow as a crazy lone wolf nut so much easier.  It takes days for people at the New York Times or Germany’s Der Spiegel magazine to go through all the new available material and yet they would have us believe that this guy rounds up all that massive amount of material, puts it into order for a file, and then sits back and waits for the moment when he feels like posting it, all by himself. 

Why the delay?  Is the release of the material negotiable?  If so; how so?

Doesn’t it seem logical that for that much work, there must be more than one fellow doing the clerk work?  If that is true then one has to ask, is the “lone leaker” paying the others out of his own pocket?  If that premise were valid then the good guys who hate to see all the negative publicity produced by the WikiLeaks could stop them by killing the fellow at the center of the operations.  That hasn’t happened yet.  Are we supposed to believe that some specialists working for the USA can’t put the hit on this guy? 

It should be obvious to the least computer savvy reporter writing about the latest document dump that it wasn’t done on a personal computer bought at the local Radio Shack.  Doesn’t the massive quantity of electronic data indicate that it has to be assembled on a gigantic mainframe and wouldn’t such a rig leave its electronic fingerprints on the files which would mean that American intelligence investigators could  easily identify the specific machine which is the source for all the WikiLeaks material?
Wouldn’t it then be time for the US to call in their top hackers and sabotage Assange’s machine?  If the American computer security people could do that and haven’t done it; who gets a pass?

This just in!  As this columnist was preparing to post this column, a Google News search revealed that the BBC was reporting a hack attack on the WikiLeaks site.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-11858637

Could it be that the people who are responsible for the WikiLeaks material are very upset with what George W. Bush did?  Who has the most to loose if George W. Bush dies of old age and never even gets a ticket for his misdeeds?  Wouldn’t a failure to punish Bush make the International Court of Justice (AKA the World Court) look pathetic and impotent?

Could the WikiLeaks revelations be part of an effort by the folks at the World Court in the Hague to make it impossible for the citizens of the USA to hold to the “he didn’t know” defense and thus force the USA to either fully endorse Bush’s war crimes and protect him from prosecution or turn him over to the World Court for a war crimes trial? 

Doesn’t the Assange, who is reported to be an Australian citizen, live close to where the World Court is located?

Who has the power to collect all the diplomatic messages involved in the latest release?  If some Commie spies collected the material, wouldn’t they compromise themselves and their methods by releasing the new material?  Does the World Court have the ability to collect (subpoena?) the material that was just released?  Can any of the countries who signed up to be part of the World Court, decline a request for material for use in an ongoing investigation?

The USA opted out of the World Court when George W. Bush was President.  Wouldn’t it be a grand coincidence if by doing so he also slowed down any future investigations into his conduct while in office? 

Hypothetically think of it in terms of Adolf Eichmann being caught in Germany rather than Argentina and then the Germans refused to turn him over to another country for a trial. 

Doesn’t the World Court accumulate evidence in anticipation of possible war crimes trials?  If they have a bunch of evidence and no possibility of a trial what do they do with the evidence?  Just put it in a warehouse?  Couldn’t they leak the evidence so that the media would eventually just have to put two and two together and figure out “who done it?”  and then start crying for Justice?

Wouldn’t Germany be rather upset with it if they had to pay dearly when their country’s leaders were put on trial for war crimes and then had to sit idly by and watch the country that beat them skate on their war crimes?  Think they’d be more than just a little willing to prove the principles elaborated in the Nuremburg War Crimes Trials weren’t all one way streets?

  Think Germany would be more than a little anxious to see Americans in the defendants’ docket?  Or would they endorse some hypocrisy at their own expense?

Doesn’t the Occam’s Razor principle method of reasoning point to a World Court effort?

How come the New York Times always leaves it up to the World’s Laziest Journalist to figure these things out?  Will the World’s Laziest Journalist be invited to their Christmas bacchanal? 

On a cold rainy Saturday in the SF Bay area, it seemed like a good idea to postpone a column about Black Friday and use the impending WikiLeaks document dump for a bit of amusement via a variation on the old board game called Clue.  It used to be that newspapers would carry columns that were not pure political propaganda; now it seems that it’s up to web based bloggers to challenge people to think for themselves.

At the very same time that the latest WikiLeaks material was being released to the world, this columnist was starting a read of Keith Richards new autobiography, Life, and we were struck by an odd possibility.  In the first chapter, Keith confesses that he got away with a massive amount of naughty behavior.  Does the USA think that it has become the international equivalent of a Keith Richards nation with special “I can get away with all the naughty behavior I want” celebrity status? 

If the United States is going to continually mock the principles on which the World Court was established; wouldn’t that type of attitude only enrage the people who work in and for the World Court?  Wouldn’t they, of all the potential suspects, be the most enthusiastic people when these massive amounts of incriminating evidence turn up?

Don’t detectives first ask “who has the most to gain?”  Isn’t it obvious that as the leaks continue, the pressure for the USA to turn over George W. Bush will also continue to mount? 

If the World Court were the “man behind the curtain” for the WikiLeaks, wouldn’t they be helped along by diplomatic immunity? 

It used to be that IBM promoted plaques that urged people to “Think.”  Where has that attitude gone?  Now, it has been replaced by ubiquitous signs showing a generic face and the word “Obey.”

If these WikiLeaks dumps keep happening, the USA will have to no other option than to elect JEB Bush President so that he can grant a Presidential Pardon for war crimes to his brother and then the matter will be firmly and finally settled once and for all.

Keith Richards (augmented by help from James Fox [Life Little Brown and Company hardback page 18]) has written:  “But there was one last condition.  We had to give a press conference before we went and be photographed with our arms around the judge.  Ronnie (Wood) and I conducted our press conference from the bench.  I was wearing a fireman’s hat by this time and I was filmed pounding the gavel and announcing to the press, ‘Case Closed.’” 

Now the disk jockey will play Spade Cooley’s 1947 hit “You Can’t Take Texas out of Me,” Johnny Cash’s “Live from Folsom Prison” album, and Jerry Lee “The Killer” Lewis’s biggest hit “Great Balls of Fire.”  We have to go to try to find the betting odds on JEB.  Have a “such is life” type week.

A fulcrum moment for Freedom of the Press

Describing the subjective reactions which accompany the miscalculations of a driver who finds that the automobile he is driving is going to do a rollover seemed to be material which would provide an excellent metaphor to be applied to the sensations that were experienced by advocates of a free press while they were witnessing this week’s vehement reactions by the Republicans to the latest WikiLeaks document dump.

In their January 1969 issue, Esquire magazine (the writer of one of their articles would be a more precise way of putting it) declared that race car driver Masten Gregory was the last of the great crashers.  He would exit a Ferrari that was traveling at a hundred miles an hour toward a wreck situation with the same savoir fair and sang froid as if he were agent 007.  He has successfully done that maneuver more than once in his life.  It is good to have that bit of trivia available if you happen to find yourself in a vintage Volkswagen (remember the kick peg to access the last gallon of gas in the fuel tank?)  that is tilting precariously to one side.  A decision about departing from a vehicle as a crash becomes imminent is a quick-draw gun fighter reaction and not an occasion for a prolonged and detailed debate weighing the pros and cons of a binary choice:  “Should I stay or should I take the option to get the hell outta here?”  It’s a “think fast” type situation that is focused on and decided in one short moment in time.

We all know that Republicans are fanatical in their devotion to the Constitution, but when it gets to the Amendments, then they begin to go all wobbly and the issues start to get a little bit fuzzy.  Thus while they give titular approval to the concept of a free press, they do consistently balk when it comes to most debates over the application of the principles established by the First Amendment.  This week, it seems, some Republicans were on the verge of suggesting a return to vigilante justice and an endorsement of the idea that Julian Assange should be stoned to death in front of the New York Times home office.  (Does stoning a sinner in public equate to “Second Amendment” remedies?)

Obviously teabaggers would be eager to debate the topic “Is Julian Assange the new victim of “The Ox-Bow Incident” mentality?” and slip in clever bits of equivocating and blur the terms of the debate because they are clever fellows who fully appreciate the art of fine oration.  They seem oblivious to the point of view that the effort to quash Assange comes perilously close to replicating the level of tolerance for dissention held by Germany’s National Socialist Workers Party in Germany during the Thirties

Republicans with highly developed debating skills would be quick to point out that an occasional application of denial of the public’s access to biased propaganda is not the same as news censorship and therefore an acceptable remedy for the crisis that the WikiLeaks has precipitated in the realm of information management.

The Republicans ignore requests to show what specific information has endangered American lives by being published and completely ignore questions about how Assange qualifies for the death penalty on that count while Dick Cheney got a full pass for the damage he caused by outing Valerie Plame.

Some villainous Democrats have taken the debate over Assange as an opportunity to smudge and fudge and make gullible rubes think that a stifling of the WikiLeaks affront to the diplomatic corps of the “greatest country on God’s green earth” is comparable to the efforts of Herr Goebbels to implement mind-control on a national level. 

The Democrats exaggerate the threat so greatly that they would have folks believe that the choice regarding killing Assange ASAP or sparing his life, putting him on trial, and then executing him for treason, is important and an occasion comparable to giving a crowd of members of the Hell’s Angels Motorcycle Club the choice of granting a full pardon to either Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, or to a legendary brigand name Barabbas.  They would have us believe that the Republicans are actually crying:   “Death to the free press!”

Future historians will look back on the week after Thanksgiving 2010 as the “point of no return.”  Will Fox News (have you noticed how some lefties sneeringly  pronounce it as if it were spelled Fucks News?) convince America this week that Rupert Murdock should become JEB Bush’s Commissar of Information or will America turn on the Republicans and endorse unfettered access to accurate information?

When Paul von Hindenburg decided to grant the leader of a minority faction the chance to be named chancellor, it was (to coin a new meaning for an old geometry phrase) a fulcrum moment.  He did not realize that the lives of millions depended on his response.  The instant he replied the course of history changed and their fate was sealed.

Someone with much more computing expertise than this columnist, could probably assemble a montage of moments from Western movies when someone yells:  “Come on, boys, let’s <a href =http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,738163,00.html> string him up</a>!” and juxtapose it with some Republican sound bytes from this past week and get the point across.  (It seems doubtful that Jon Stewart is reading this, but if he is; he has my permission to use this suggestion for a video segment.)

The New York Times, which this columnist has vigorously criticized previously, took a historic and commendable stand with their coverage of the latest WikiLeaks document dump.   At an event held this week in Berkeley, a member of the audience shouted out the idea that Julian Assange should get the next Nobel Peace Prize.  Isn’t he a leading contender for the “Time Man of the Year” award (which is given for news value and not as an accolade)?

Americans are facing a fulcrum moment.  Americans can repudiate the Republican reaction to Assange or they can raise their hand in “the German salute” and prove that those who forget history are doomed to repeat it 

Omar Khayyam once said: 

“The Moving Finger writes; and having writ

Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit

Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line

Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it.”

Now the disk jocky will play Dobie Gray’s “In with the In Crowd,” Jim Backus (and friend) doing “Delicious,” and Willie Nelson and Ray Charles singing “Seven Spanish Angeles.”  We have to go and investigate the news tip that Assange is staying at Lee Harvey Oswald’s secret hideout somewhere in the USA.  Have a “The High and the Mighty” type week.

Is talk radio doomed?

John Loughery’s biography of Willard Huntington Wright, titled S. S. Van Dine, contains a noticeable amount of material about art theory which this reader found interesting.  That prompted us to leap to the assumption that we would have enjoyed the evening of conversation about that very esoteric topic which was recently scheduled to occur in New York City at the 92 St. Y.  Unfortunately, the event was put on a cable TV channel and the viewers were encouraged to e-mail questions.  The host group was inundated by requests for celebrity gossip because one of the participants just happened to be the author, comedian, and actor Steve Martin.  The event sponsors caved to public pressure and relayed the audience’s wishes to Mr. Martin.  That destroyed the event’s intellectual intent and threw it into complete disarray. 

We learned about this Manhattan based brouhaha on Sunday morning at the café Mediterraneum in Berkeley CA while we were finishing our first pass on that day’s installment of the Week in Review Section of the New York Times. 

Initially, declaring that we were in a genuine beatnik café (hey, if the place was open as the Piccolo and offering bargain meals while Jack Kerouac and Alan Ginsberg were living in Berkeley . . .) before noon may be suspect, but, since that place was the home of the caffé latte, and since we were in dire need of a dose of caffeine, and since we had, while walking there, acceded to an impulse to buy the aforementioned massive journalistic document dump of information and ideas, it seemed altogether proper and fitting to be thus engaged.

We noticed that our neighbor at the next table was duplicating our effort to become well informed.  We asked:  “Why are you reading the New York Times in Berkeley California?  He noted that was a profound question and he lacked a profound answer.  Fair dinkum.  We exchanged a few additional bits of opinion and local information and so when he rose to leave we asked if he knew where in that particular university town, someone could go to find a lively discussion.  He listed three possible locations worth, by his reckoning, investigation.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, wouldn’t cha know it; his answer indicated that we might want to reach into the memory bank and use our ability to imitate an Irish accent to augment the search process.  In the part of Pennsylvania, where we spent our childhood years, IrishCatholicDemocrat is one word and everyone who used it was of Irish ancestry.

Some naïve folks may suggest that what this columnist needs to do is to turn on the radio and turn the tuning knob to find a smorgasbord of lively discussions revolving around the day’s controversy du jour.  Aye, lads and lassies, there’s the rub.  The programs available on the radio are comparable to playing a game of chance with a Mississippi riverboat gambler.  The programs that are conducted under the conservative banner, will disconnect a caller who is heading toward making a salient liberal point (“to protect the audience from misinformation and heresy” or words to that effect) while the shows that are hosted by a liberal pundit are lately prone to be dominated by callers repeating conservative talking points. 

Consequently the result is as bland and boring as if someone who does not give a tinker’s damn about sports, tunes into a radio station featuring sports talk.  Don’t the stations in the San Francisco Bay area favor the local teams and don’t the New York City based stations featuring sports talk favor the Yankees, Jets, and Giants football team?

The days when people who wanted a lively discussion would adhere to the guidelines elaborated in Robert Louis Stevenson’s essay “<a href =http://www.readbookonline.net/readOnLine/8039/>Talk and Talkers</a>” are part of a lost era.  Now, shouting matches are foisted on the audience because they are entertaining and help boost ratings.

After departing the previously mentioned beatnik café, we encountered a fellow who, when we had occasion to mention that we do not own a TV set, said:  “Someone who doesn’t own a television?  . . . that’s as scary as a Steven King movie.”  Just a few moments after that exchange, we encountered a group of young hippies in the world famous “People’s Park,” who were deeply engrossed in the process of reading a fresh copy of that day’s edition of the New York Times.  We took a photo because the tableau resembled a cross between a Saturday Evening Post cover painted by Norman Rockwell and some photojournalism (by Dorothea Lang?) documenting the last Great Depression.

Could it be that the conservatively owned news media have, with their incessant proclamation of the triumph of the philosophy of the wealthy, only manage to delude just themselves?   What if the attitude toward journalism in the United States today matches the levels of cynicism and distrust toward managed news that was experienced in Germany during the second half of 1944?

Every kid knows that hot air and bubble gum will collapse when they meet their limits, but do the best known purveyors of conservative talking points have late night moments of questioning and doubt similar to what Scrooge experienced when he encountered some ghosts in the Dickens tale? 

What respected journalism awards have Rush and Glen Beck won? 

Isn’t it time for Rupert and the Koch brothers to fund some new news awards which can be bestowed on hapless propagandists to impress gullible teabaggers and to reassure any conservatives vulnerable to moments of self-doubt?

Liberal websites are like the canary in the mine and some of them are looking very peaked these days.  Imagine, if you will, that Combat newspaper, which was distributed in occupied Paris during World War II, had suspended publication because of a lack of money.  Do Americans still not get the picture?

Does Rush Limbaugh honestly think that capitalists will continue to pay his salary when the last vestiges of any opposing point of view have been extinguished?  Capitalists don’t get rich by handing out exorbitant paychecks unnecessarily.  When the voice of opposition and lively conversations have become extinct, Rush’s services will be as appealing to the capitalists as the efforts of a union organizer are now.

From a selfish point of view, wouldn’t it be logical for Rush to think that he should sporadically offer subsidy money to liberal media anonymously

Listening to Rush Limbaugh repeat passages from the Republican playbook reminds this columnist of the Twilight Zone episode that ended with the line:  “It’s a cookbook!”

Wouldn’t readers of this website love to be the clerk in an Unemployment Office when all liberal media has been extinguished and Rush is given a pink slip and has to learn first hand what amounts of bureaucracy are involved in the paperwork necessary to start an unemployment claim?

Patriotic teabaggers would be the first to proclaim “It can’t happen here.”  To which we would quote the closing line from The Sun also Rises: “‘Yes!’ I said.  ‘Isn’t it pretty to think so.’”

Richard H. Dana, Jr., in Two Years Before the Mast, wrote:  “Whatever your feelings may be, you must make a joke of everything at sea; and if you were to fall from aloft and be caught in the belly of a sail and saved from instant death, it would not do to look at all disturbed, or to make a serious matter of it.”  That’s good advice for conservative talk show hosts too.

Now the disk jockey will play Walyon and Hank Jr.’s “The Conversation,” a bootleg copy of “Cosmic Joke,” written and sung by David Carradine, and (from South Pacific) “Happy talk.”  We have to go to the “Going Places” travel agency and ask Tulle if Pan Am offers a stop off in Tahiti if we buy a ticket to New Zealand.  Have “smile when you say that” type week.

What is Gonzo?

In an effort to get away from the Bush Tax Cut Exemption Blues, this columnist hiked to Moe’s Bookstore, in Berkeley, last week, to hear a talk by Benjamin Griffin, one of the associated editors of the recently published first volume of Mark Twain’s three volume autobiography.  The book has had Berkeley’s intellectual community all agog for the second half of this year.  We had a pen and our official Ampad 4 inch by 8 inch Reporter’s Notebook in the left back pocket of our jeans (just in case) and then, wouldn’t ya know it, just when we settled back to enjoy a night off, it seemed like we had to get to work because the speaker offered tidbits of evidence we could use in a continuing argument in the employee lounge at the World’s Laziest Journalist headquarters that pitted the editorial department against the legal department.

Griffin mentioned that Twain wrote everything in longhand except the Autobiography, which he dictated to a secretary.  The jumbled result has for years caused extensive discomfort to a continuing series of editors because they wanted to take the rambling, free association, stream of consciousness material and put it into a different order other than the chronological one in which it was delivered by Twain.

Which of the two methods of composing is better?  Editorial argues for direct to the paper and legal makes the case for dictating the words.  Do dictators write better novels?

In the Q and A session after the talk, Griffin was asked if a Twain scholar, hearing a passage for the first time, could tell if it had been written in longhand or dictated, replied:  “I can” and got a good laugh.  He then noted that Joseph Conrad, for whom English was a second language, dictated his novels.  According to very old anecdotal evidence, Errol Stanley Gardner used the dictation method for his Perry Mason courtroom drama novels.

In “James Thurber on Writing and Writers, Humor and Himself (Edited by Michael J. Rosen Harper Perennial 1989 page 5),” readers are informed:  “I still write occasionally – in the proper sense of the word – using black crayon on yellow paper and getting perhaps twenty words to the page.  My usual method, though, is to spend the morning turning over the text in my mind.  Then in the afternoon, between 2 and 5, I call in a secretary and dictate to her.”  

Griffin also informed the audience that most of Twain’s stories came from first hand experience and observation and they often involved some distortion of the situation.

Fictionalizing and including the writer as part of the scene sounded like a very familiar formula.  Where had we heard that about a writer using that modus operandi?

Wow!  Now we were closing in on a doubleheader column as a bonus for working instead of taking it easy.  Hadn’t Griffin just outlined the Gonzo style of writing?  Could it be that Mark Twain was Gonzo before Hunter Thompson was born?

The first thing such a column would need is a definition of the word Gonzo.  In the book Gonzo: the Life of Hunter S. Thompson (An oral Biography by Jann S. Wenner and Corey Seymour Little Brown and Company 2007) the origin of the word is outlined by Doug Brinkley on pages 125 and 126 but he doesn’t give a definition of the word itself.

Online, at the Owl Farm blog we found <a href =http://www.owlfarmblog.com/blog/2007/04/what_is_gonzo_journalism.html>Hunter Thompson’s definition</a> from the Great Shark Hunt.  It boiled down to firsthand observations, quick composition, and some storyline streamlining via fictionalizing.

This week, we’ve been rereading parts of William L. Shirer’s Berlin Diary.  He wanted to record history as he saw it happening.  In the Foreword he says:  “The only justification in my own mind was that chance, and the kind of job I had, appeared to be giving me a somewhat unusual opportunity to set down from day to day a first-hand account of a Europe that was already in agony and that, as the months and years unfolded, slipped inexorably towards the abyss of war and self-destruction.”  It is a great book but none dare call it Gonzo Journalism.

How much fictionalizing is an acceptable level?  Where does Gonzo journalism stop and tall tales begin?  Online we found that tall tales involve “a story with unbelievable elements related as if it were true.”  Works such as the Singular Travels, Campaigns and Adventures of Baron Munchausen (written by Rudolf Eric Raspe?) would be disqualified from being called Gonzo Journalism because the humor is in the extreme exaggeration of reality.  An example would be the Baron’s encounter with a frightful wolf:  “ . . . I laid hold of his intrails, turned him inside out like a glove and flung him to the ground where I left him.” 

Richard Trageskis managed to participate in the Battle for Guadalcanal and keep a (forbidden?) diary of the experience.  It was turned into a bestselling book and movie during World War II. 

Don Lattin, in a review of two new books (Page E 1 and E 6 of the December 2, 2010 edition of the San Francisco Chronicle) confuses things even further by trying to rechristen the Gonzo style.  Lattin wrote:  “ . . . an overheated speedy prose style, one that has come to be known in some circles as ‘<a href =http://articles.sfgate.com/2010-12-02/entertainment/25002888_1_merry-pranksters-leary-and-kesey-psychedelic/2#loopbegin>hysterical realism</a>.’”  He drolly adds:  “This irreverent in the moment tone may have once work for Wolfe or Hunter S. Thomason, but it quickly becomes tiresome when chronicling something that happened half a century ago.”

The fact that the official version of Twain’s autobiography has been held off the market for 100 years and is now selling well (No. 3 on the New York Times Nonfiction Best Sellers list for December 12, 2010) is all that is needed to invalidate Lattin’s judgment on the topic of Gonzo Journalism and discourage any additional sour grapes attempts to rename it “hysterical realism.”

Jane Stillwater is a friend and blogging colleague and also she is a veteran Berkeley activist and grandmother.  She has written a book, Bring Your Own Flak Jacket, which describes her experiences being embedded with Marines in Iraq and freelance traveling in and reporting from Afghanistan.  On page 358, she reports:  “The helicopter ride back to the Green Zone was spectacular because our Blackhawk didn’t have doors.”  Doesn’t that sound very Gonzo? 

Can anyone deny that editor Julian Assange has become part of the story?  It seems that an editor shouldn’t be eligible to become the new Hunter Thompson. 

Perhaps William L. Shirer would say that any writing that permits fictionalizing isn’t journalism at all.  If one admits that true journalism has zero tolerance for fabrications, should Fox News be permitted to refer to itself as a member of the journalism media?  Could they claim to be purveyors of Gonzo entertainment?

In the December of 1934 issue of Esquire magazine Ernest Hemingway wrote:  “But the bad luck for the customer is that your correspondent was a working newspaper man and as such used to envy the way columnists were allowed to write about themselves.”  Hemingway overcame that reluctance but can the Gonzo label be applied to his work? 

The topic of what is the precise definitive definition of Gonzo and who, other than Hunter S. Thompson, can wear the mantle of Gonzo is fertile ground for a book project.  The topic of journalistic tolerance for fictionalization belongs in the classrooms at various J-schools. 

Stirring up something and then walking away from it worked for George W. Bush, so we’ll give it a try.  Here’s a question for those scholars who like the debates about the possibility that <a href =http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A2577206>Christopher Marlowe wrote one, some, or all of Shakespeare’s plays</a>:  Did Mark Twain hire Ambrose Bierce to do some ghost writing work?

Sir Winston Churchill wrote:  “Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.”

Now the disk jockey will play James Booker’s 1960 piano instrumental titled “Gonzo,” Jerry Lee Louis’ song “I wish I was 18 again”  (listen to the words and tell me that isn’t Gonzo journalism set to music), and Ted Nugent’s 1978 Double Live Gonzo album. 

We have to go to the Hiller Aviation Museum to cover their celebration of the DC-3’s seventy-fifth birthday.  Have a “when the going gets weird; the weird turn pro” type week.

This column has been cross-posted on

http://www.smirkingchimp.com

A nation with dementia praecox?

Item 26 on the Action Calendar for the Berkeley City Council Regular Meeting, which started at 7 P. M. on Tuesday, December 14, 2010, brought the famous university town to world wide attention (once again) because it called for support and freedom for Pfc Bradley Manning and urged the council to proclaim Manning a hero.  Citizens were given one minute each to speak about the item.  The two opposing sides were firmly entrenched in their divergent positions.  For the folks against the item, it was a matter of patriotism to defeat the motion; for those who endorsed the motion, approval was a manifestation of the position that the USA must adhere to the principles enunciated at the Nuremburg War Crimes Trials.  The Berkeley City Council voted to table the motion, which means they decided to not make a decision (for the time being). 

In a city where the Hearst School of Journalism is located, there did not seem to be any j-school students getting a first hand look at the noteworthy meeting.  It was easy to get a seat in the audience an hour after the meeting started.  There were a few TV trucks in front of the building where the Council Chambers are located (not the City Hall), but it was not the large number that was adjacent to the Court House in Santa Monica when the matter of the Roman Polanski statutory rape case was being considered.  Perhaps the world news organizations were economizing by using the work of various San Francisco TV stations as pool feeds?  Or could it be that sex cases are more important than war?

Can an entire nation become schizophrenic?  There are two schools of thought on that question.  One says “absolutely” and the other says “No way, Jose!”

Those who say it can happen offer some items for evidence such as:  When Ed Muskie cried in Vermont, while seeking his party’s Presidential nomination, the media stepped in and destroyed and discredited his quest by pointing out that he was emotionally unstable, but when Rep. John Boehner, the Republican who will be the next Speaker of the House and will be right after the Vice-President in the line of succession, cries it’s OK because it is a manifestation of the Orange man’s “softer side.”

When the Germans used waterboarding, they were committing a war crime; but when America uses the “simulated drowning” method of questioning, it’s OK because they are protecting their country.

During the eight years of the Bush era, tax cuts do not seem to have provided a surfeit of jobs, but now that a Democrat is President, extending those tax breaks will suddenly provide jobs.

When Julian Assange exposes war crimes, he should be lynched because he might be endangering American lives; but when Dick Cheney outs a CIA agent (which is specifically verboten) that’s OK because her husband’s loyalty to President George W. Bush was in question.

After Germany’s leader used subterfuge to instigate an invasion of Poland, that example of misconduct was used at Nuremburg to produce the principle that any invasion is a crime against peace.  When George W. Bush used nonexistent weapons of mass destruction to justify the deployment of American troops into Iraq, that was OK because he didn’t know that they were figments of his own imagination.  Isn’t that like using a “temporary insanity” plea as a way to avoid a conviction for war crimes? 

There’s an old bit of wisdom for those who attend Comic-con:  “Reality is a crutch for those who don’t understand Sci-fi.”  Should that axiom be amended?  “Reality is a crutch for those who don’t understand patriotism.”

Rupert Murdock is a (very wealthy) wise old media mogul from Australian and the thought that a cute and much younger, much less experienced guy, who is also from Australia . . . is there something going on here that the US doesn’t know about?  Do you think that . . . ?  Isn’t it just a case of a refusal by the older journalist to pass the torch to a new generation?  Does the management at Fox News think that the Assange sex case more important than war?  Is it?

Would it be deliciously ironic if the password to unlock the next WikiLeaks document dump uses the Des-key (F2654hd4) used to keep the electronic voting machines secure?  Perhaps that could happen by repeating those same 8 characters several times?  If that is the case, could it be considered an inside joke for the hackers community?

In the land where former PM Tony Blair was affectionately called Bush’s Poodle, are the Brits refusing to participate in a new installment of the “dog and pony show”?  If America wants to bring Assange to the USA, why is it necessary to play the shell game about getting Great Britain to send him to Sweden first?  Can’t the USA just ask the Brits for extradition?  Have the people who benefited from the Lend Lease program completely lost their sense of gratitude?

Whatzizname from Facebook has just been named Time magazine’s newsmaker of the year for being who he is and doing whatever it is that he has done.  Folks in Russia think that Julian Assange deserves a Nobel Peace Prize but the news organizations seem to be skipping over what the Commies think of Time’s selection. 

Neal Diamond has just been named to the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame. 

When Berkeley has the chance to once again direct the focus of anti-war sentiment to their city, they tabled the motion.

President Obama was last year’s Nobel Peace Prize winner.  He has continued using the questioning techniques authorized by George W. Bush & Co., which some say qualifies as a war crime.  Will future historians dare to ask if those two facts, taken together, prove that the year 2010 was the high point of the Golden Age of American Schizophrenia?  On the one hand, this columnist is inclined to predict that it will happen; on the other hand, maybe we should just table the motion and let it slide.

In The Dream of the Golden Mountains (The Viking Press hardback 1980 on page x in the Foreword), Malcolm Cowley wrote:  “I say ‘we’ and ‘us’ while conscious of their being treacherous pronouns; any reader is entitle to ask, ‘Who is <I>we</I>?’”

Now the disk jockey will rock out and play “Brother Love’s Traveling Salvation Show,” “Holly Holy,” and “I am I said.”  We have to go get a wifi connection to learn what happened after we left regarding Item 27 for the Berkeley City Council which meant they would urge Pacifica to reinstate to KPFA’s Morning Show.  Have a “Stones” type week.

Do Republicans need Ethic$$$ Advi$$$or$?

Once upon a time, back during the other Big Depression, a bootlegger chanced upon a group of young lads.  The gangster found much amusement by throwing nickels in their midst and watching the ensuing scramble to take possession of the coins with buffalos on the back (AKA obverse) side.  One of the guys stood aside and made it obvious he wasn’t going to participate in the debasing spectacle.  The hoodlum commended the fellow’s attitude and handed him a half dollar coin. 

Back during the Thirties, there were two rival labor groups which spent all their time and energy battling for the upper hand in their mutual struggle to be the one representing the trucking industry.  A fellow named Ted V. Rodgers was invited to become the president of one of the groups.  He attached a condition to a favorable response.  He wanted their full commitment to his leadership style.  In desperation they agreed.  Several days later the rival group met to select their leadership.  Rodgers walked in, introduced himself and said if they picked him, he would consolidate the two groups and get things done rather than spin wheels in the quest for domination.  They elected him and the two groups merged to form the American Trucking Association.

Conservative sugar daddies bank roll various media to get their message (bigger tax breaks for the wealthy less wages for the working stiffs) across to the public.  Liberal media, like the kids who amused the philanthropic gangster, scrambles desperately for donation money when they should be concentrating on informing the public just how bad things will get if Karl Rove succeeds with his plan for a thousand years of domination of American politics by the Republican Party via control of the Presidency in 2012 and (thanks to the magic electronic voting machines?) getting majorities in both the House and the Senate. 

When this columnist writes a diatribe about the chance that JEB will be elected President and continue the legacy of the Bush Dynasty, the number of reads is noticeably higher than if the columnist strings together a bunch of Google bait items that are fun to write.  That would seem to prove that the audience for this website prefers, wants, and expects some hard-hitting liberal flavored punditry. 

Perhaps readers expect that some wealthy Republican will have a change-of-heart moment and anonymously donate ten grand in a way that could be the basis for a tear-jerker novel by Charles Dickens.  (Scrooge goes into a Vets Hospital and exclaims:  “I don’t need my tax break as badly as these fine lads need more care!”) God bless us all!  I don’t think that’s gonna happen.

So, while <I>el jefe</I> is distracted by the myth of Sisyphus chore of raising funds, we’re going to suddenly change this column to one that should have the headline:

“A Festivus ‘Airing of Complaints’ Column.”

Since the celebration of Festivus has become an annual American tradition which started with the Seinfelt episode broadcast on December 18, 1998, and since this columnist thinks that it is fitting and proper to promote a veneration of traditional values in the Land of the Free, and since we think that the selection of whatzizface rather than Julian Assange as Time Magazine’s Newsmaker of the year was a slap in the face to the American principle of a free press, this will be the our first Annual Frestivus Airing of Complaints Column.

We think that it is shameful in a country that was founded by people who firmly believed that citizens had a right and a duty to know the whats and the whys which could explain the conduct of the ruling junta (be it royalty, dissatisfied colonists, or the Bush family) that websites promoting liberal values should die for lack of funding.  What happened to the American tendency to support the underdog?  Conservative values now assert that Americans should die promoting freedom of speech in other countries while censorship is gaining a toehold in their fatherland and that seems a tad existentialistic.  When did the Frog philosophers take over American thinking? 

When we make a great suggestion in a column and it is ignored, that makes us grumble and complain.

There are other less important gripes for this year’s Festivus.  Does anyone remember the annual summertime competition in which local newspapers and Kodak teamed up to find the best examples of amateur photography?  Where did that go?  Why doesn’t the LIFE website (which has a rock solid branding identity in the photo community) expand and publish readers’ digital photos daily?  Wouldn’t they get a massive response to an offer to give Flickr some competition?  If they added a small cash stipend for a “best of the day” image, wouldn’t their site get more daily hits than the Drudge Report?

Is LIFE conceding that the BBC and Der Spiegel have gained the initiative and made it impossible for LIFE to do on the Internets what it did in the realm of magazine publishing in the late Thirties and in the pre-TV Forties?  Come on, LIFE, if the BBC and Der Spiegel can post readers’ pictures online, so can you!  Great amateur photos were part of you winning formula in the past.  It will work, again.

One of the delights of bookstore browsing is the opportunity for a serendipity find of some new book that the customer didn’t know existed.  As we recall, many years ago, the New York Times used to publish a list of the books being published on the same day that the issue was printed.  Back in the Paleozoic period of Internets development, we suggested that Amazon should hire a reporter who could produce a daily blog about new books to provide an opportunity to increase their business with some impulse buying.  We still think that’s a good idea.

There may not be a huge target audience for a book on how to build chicken coops, but isn’t it logical to think that a few extra units might (we are not saying “will”) be sold if Amazon’s hypothetical book blog plugged such an actual example of bookistry?  (It is now.)  Wouldn’t that help build their traffic by luring “browsers” to their site?

Until earlier this week, this columnist had never seen the word “Chindogu,” which is “the art of the useless idea.”  When we chanced across the opportunity to buy “101 un-useless Japanese Inventions” by Kenji Kawakami (translated by and additional text by Dan Papia Edited by Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall) from W. W. Norton & Co., we suddenly became a <a href =http://chindogu.com/chindogu/>Chindogu</a> fan and bought the book.

In the book, we learned in the Ten Tenets of Chindogu that it must be a real thing and not a nonsensical concept such as a wish to become an Ethic$ Advi$$$or for a Republican Politician. 

Speaking of shameless huckstering of products by the media, will the word “promobabble” (which was coined by the World’s Laziest Journalist) ever gain traction and become a contender for the annual “new word” competition?  In California, where everyone over the age of seven is an amateur psychologist and has distain for the word “psychobabble,” indicating an effort to provide friends and relatives with insights and encouragement, knows that there should be a word to designate the endless efforts of TV talk shows to help a guest sell a new product (usually a move, record, or, in rare cases, book).  Hence the word “promobabble” was invented.

Why doesn’t Google News have a list of links for localized news coverage such as L. A. Observed, Berkeley Daily Planet, and Berkeleyside?  We think it’s a good suggestion.

Why do stores segregate men’s and boy’s pants?  A fellow who is of average height can’t buy jeans with legs less than 30 inches in most stores.  People aren’t born adult size; so they must make jeans with shorter leg lengths for young people.  They make it very difficult for an average height fellow to buy them.  Is business that good?

With all the different holidays that occur at the Winter Solstice, why isn’t there one for the Native American Culture?  With the power granted me as a columnist, I hereby declare December 21, of every year, to be “Winter Pow-wow” Day. 

There’s not much time left, get out there and spend!  Buy crap that will sit unnoticed and unused.  Wage irrelevant and unnecessary wars to celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace.  Support the Republicans gridlock because it indicates that their political party has adopted the traditional labor (socialist?) tactic of a “sit-down strike.” 

Now, the disk jockey will play Stan Freberg’s “Green Christmas,” two different songs titled “Christmas in Jail,” Jimmy Buffett’s song and album titled “Christmas Island,” and Lalo Guerrero’s “Poncho Claus.”  We have to go finish reading Eddie Muller’s “The Distance.”  Have an “exorbitant Chri$$$tma$ bailout bonu$” type week and a Happy Festivus!

Going Totally ******* Insane is not usually considered an option for rational sane people, so when an adult cracks under the strain of living, it is usually others who notice the change.  Initially a member of society can qualify for the use of adjectives such as madcap, eccentric, or edgy, but then there comes a day when a man sees his wife dive into the fountain near a famous New York City Hotel and he has to begin thinking of getting help for her with or without her consent.

Back during the Clinton era, the New York Times published a column (by William Safire?) that framed the challenge in the Middle East as a need to “out crazy the crazies.”  The premise was that if folks like Saddam Hussein were crazy, it would take a totally nuts United States foreign policy to get their attention and instill a measure of fear in them. 

If you listen to Mike Malloy’s radio program regularly, he makes it sound like the Republican Party’s agenda for the new Congress has been scripted by Andre Breton or Anton LaVey.

Teabaggers, beauty queens, and war criminals have become ingredients in the contemporary American Political scene and the chance to turn back to a more normal course may be as impossible to contemplate as is a chance for Charlie Manson to be freed on parole.

Der Stern and Der Spiegel weekly news magazines watched Germany slide into madness many years ago.  Their colleagues at Time and Newsweek tried to provide a more fair and balanced approach to assessing the Third Reich’s Foreign Policy but the news magazines being published in Germany were too close to the source to see the overall picture clearly. 

Recently Der Spiegel has asserted that the United States may be <a href =http://www.spiegel.de/international/world/0,1518,726447,00.html>in decline</a>.  Time and Newsweek don’t seem to be very ready to second the motion.  Is it time to use the “turnabout is fair play” axiom? 

Some of the best examples of the film noir genre use amnesia as a way to tell a story about an innocent man who has to convince the world that he didn’t commit some heinous crime.  Could it be that the United States is facing a similar situation regarding the implications being made by Julian Assange?  Maybe while seeing portions of this year’s Noir City Film Festival, in San Francisco, this columnist will be able to produce a column which proves to the world that Bush was a good ole boy and that Assange is a fiend plotting to besmirch the Bush family’s reputation?

When Senator Ed Muskie cried during a quest to become the Democratic Presidential Candidate, it proved he was emotionally unstable and disqualified him from running.  When the orange man, who is after the Vice President in the line of succession, cries it just shows his softer side. 

In a country where people are hungry, how much food is thrown away every day?

In a country full of empty foreclosed homes, how many people are homeless?

Have you seen the news item reporting that South Carolina is considering selling special auto license plates for Coon Hunters?

What Republican recently said that the poor are spoiling America for the Rich?

In a country that features separate branches of government, the Conservative majority Supreme Court decided to hand the Presidency to a Republican.

Doesn’t American exceptionalism really mean that everyone should pay taxes, except the very rich.

When a small group that included 15 Saudi citizens attacked the World Trade Center, the US retaliated by invading Afghanistan and Iraq.

Germany was guilty of war crimes for using waterboarding.  The Supreme Court of Germany rejected electronic voting machines because they were too vulnerable to unscrupulous manipulation.  In the US those voting machines are in wide use and no one has been indicted for a single war crime.

In a country where Fox News personalities are paid substantial wages and citizen journalists write for free, isn’t the ultimate outcome obvious?  Isn’t it like hypothetically sending your high school’s baseball team to play the 1927 Yankees roster?  Aren’t the volunteer propagandists going to run out of energy and enthusiasm long before Rupert Murdock runs out of funds to pay his hacks?

Here’s an example of the challenge that lefties face:  a columnist who has only a barely discernable amount of enthusiasm for the incumbent and who has been grinding out criticism of the political and military agenda of George W. Bush’s administration for a decade can continue to do what he has been doing (hoping for a different result) or he can apply for a grant from the Gonzo Journalism Foundation and use the money to pay for the expenses incurred by becoming an online amateur Automobile Museum critic with, perhaps, a side trip to the next installment of the Le Mans car race.  (Is a political commentator eligible to be issued a press pass to that annual automotive event?)

Either way, it seems like JEB is being groomed (by Karl Rove?) to be America’s last hope for fiscal responsibility and a Christian defense of the overtaxed wealthy.  The fact that he might be the Republican who finally manages to privatize Social Security will be sufficient credentials to win the election.  The opportunity for JEB to complete the total dismantling of the New Deal would assure that he will be ranked by Conservatives as the Greatest President of all times and thus inspire them to <I>do whatever it takes</I> to see him sworn into office in January of 2013.

Some stalwarts will assert that the fatigued writer should continue: cranking out columns that restate facts already mentioned, recycling some of the best snappy headlines, and wearing out some quotes and song titles by repeated use (remember when that would happen with the 78 rpm records?); and that he should (if he tries hard enough) expect different results in the 2012 Presidential Election, so that he can feel a tiny bit of satisfaction.  Isn’t that a variation of one of the folk definitions of insanity?

With a writing grant from the Gonzo Journalism Foundation in our wallet, we could (dare I say it?) comb streets of Paris, Prague, and Berlin gathering column material for stories  that are not being covered by the patriotic wolf pack of journalists in the United States.  When Hitler was ruling Germany, it seemed that the number of American Journalists doing “local color” in Europe was legions.  These days what happens in Europe, stays in Europe. 

Speaking of the Gonzo Journalism Foundation, fans of Hunter S. Thompson will find that the graphic novel “Transmetropolitan:  Back on the Street,” makes fictional journalist Spider Jerusalem look and sound very much like the beloved Uncle Duke.  When Jerusalem says “If anyone in this ******** city gave *** **** of a dead dog’s **** about Truth, this wouldn’t be happening;” doesn’t that remind you of something the author of Kingdom of Fear would be saying these days if he were still alive today?

If the Republicans are so fanatical in their commitment to the Constitution, does that mean that they endorse the concept that slaves are to be regarded as three fifths of a person?  Do Republicans endorse the founding fathers’ compromises regarding slavery?

For uberskeptics, the conclusive proof that America has gone mad will be the Inauguration, in January 2013, of JEB as the 45^th President.  Some, of course, will watch that news event and respond that the Democrats will have to work even harder to win the 2016 election and only conspiracy theory crazies, who are “too Liberal for Berkeley,”  would be discourage by the task. 

Could anyone in the midst of the “Jazz Age” have accurately predicted the Republicans attitude during the first decade of the next century?  In the opening lines of “Save Me the Waltz,” Zelda Fitzgerald wrote:  “Most people hew the battlements of life from compromise, erecting their impregnable keeps from judicious submissions, fabricating their philosophical drawbridges from emotional reactions, and scalding marauders in the boiling oil of sour grapes.”

Wait!  Didn’t Louis G. Carroll (AKA Charles Lutwidge Dodgson) say it better?  In the poem “The Walrus and the Carpenter,” he wrote: 

“‘The time has come,’ the Walrus said,

‘To talk of many things:

Of shoes – and ships – and sealing wax –

Of cabbages – and kings –

And why the sea is boiling hot-

And whether pigs have wings.’”

Now the disk jockey will play “Mrs. Robinson,” Charlie Manson’s “Oh Garbage Dump!,” and Marianne Faithfull’s “The Ballad of Lucy Jordon.”  We have to go see the film “Blue Valentine,” because some scenes were filmed in Scranton Pa.  Have an “adequate” type week.

This all seems so familiar

On the day that President Kennedy was shot in Dallas, this columnist was scheduled to attend a French class in mid afternoon.  The students who arrived early expected that the teacher would cancel the class.  When the professor arrived, he briefly acknowledge the historical aspect of the day and explained that he had learned, from very gory incidents he had witnessed while living in Algeria, that, eventually, impressionable young lads (back then women were only permitted to attend classes held by the Night Sessions School) would learn that “these things happen” and not let them interfere with daily existence.

So it was that, after posting a column considering Der Spiegel’s assertion that the USA had gone collectively nuts, when we saw the news online that a congresswoman had been shot; we thought “these things happen” and prepared to carry out the plan to spend that afternoon researching the topic of snapshot collecting.

An assassination will bring out the conspiracy theory crazies like no other part of contemporary society does. 

After Kennedy was shot, the Warren Commission did an in depth investigation and determined that it was the work of one solitary gunman who had his own agenda for world events.  By the time the mid seventies rolled around, a second Congressional Investigation sided with the conspiracy theory loons and concluded that there had to be more than one fellow at work on the assassination that day.

What ever happened to the American spirit of good sportsmanship?  If the lone gunman advocates won one bout and the crazies won the next; shouldn’t there be another one so that it would be obvious that the two out of three team was the winner?

The CBS radio news broadcast at 6 a.m. PST, on the day after the Arizona congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords had been shot, couldn’t wait to get to the possibility that there might have been a second person was involved.  They were so anxious to get to the fertile topic of a plot involving more than one person; they skipped mentioning the medical condition of the Congresswoman.

By Sunday afternoon, law enforcement officials were dismissing the topic of the other fellow as a non issue which they described as a taxi driver seeking change for his client. 

If the conspiracy theory madmen had their way, all the history books would be different.  If they’re so smart, why isn’t there a book called:  “the Conspiracy Association of Nuts’ History of America”?  To hear the lunatics tell it, there is a long continuous thread of unexplained phenomenon running through the course of American history.

According to those with “the inside scoop,” FDR knew Pearl Harbor was going to be bombed by the Japanese just like the British Intelligence had broken the German code and knew Coventry was going to be bombed. 

They also believe that:

Poppy Bush should have been court marshaled for bailing out too soon in WWII.

Poppy Bush participated in the Bay of Pigs fiasco.

Poppy Bush and “the Blond Ghost” (who really was involved in the CIA operation known as JMWave) were both in Dallas on the day Kennedy was shot.  (Poppy couldn’t remember where he was on that day.)

Weren’t Richard Nixon and E. Howard Hunt also in Dallas on that fateful day?

Where was Felix Rodriguez that day?

Was it more than just a coincidence to that Congressman Jerry Ford was in charge of the Warren Commission and became President without ever being elected either President or Vice-President?

Once the conspiracy theorists get going, there’s no stopping them.  Which one of them would not also gleefully raise questions about:

The news reports that a stinger missal was seen going towards TWA flight 800.

The name of the top American responsible for security in the World Trade Center.

Broward Savings and Loan

The  PR firm which was hired to drum up popular support in favor of an American military mission to liberate the oil company (partially owned by the Bush family?) holdings in Kuwait.  The best they could do was to get 45% of Americans to favor the move.

Will the “taxi driver” explanation hold up to the inevitable scrutiny of the army of conspiracy theory citizen investigators?  There was a taxi driver?  His name didn’t happen to be Travis Bickel, did it?  Are you talkin’ to me?

By Monday, both liberal and conservative talk shows on radio were in full dudgeon complete with generous portions of righteous indignation.  It was obvious that both sides were having a great deal of fun performing their jobs.

We read some information online that indicated that (the Republican majority) congress can vote to declare Congresswoman Giffords’ seat vacant if she seems destined to remain in the hospital for a long time and then Arizona’s (Republican) governor can name someone else to fill the vacancy.  If that happens, don’t expect the radio talk shows to let the matter quietly fade into the past. 

Thus, it seems likely that the French class for November 22, 1963 may have included the most important thing we learned while in college:  these things happen.

There was a famous trial, but isn’t the Hall-Mills case still unsolved?  After years of hearing about the case, we finally discovered an article about that famous case.  We found one written by James Thurber in a book titled “Alarms and Diversions.”

Was Bruno Hauptman framed by zealous law enforcement officials? 

Wasn’t Giuseppe Zangara executed less than three months after he opened fire?  Do you expect Justice to be served that fast in this case?   Please note he fired a gun at FDR on February 15, 1933 and was executed for it on March 20, 1933.  How’s that for speedy justice that leaves no time for the conspiracy theory nuts start their conjecturing?

Weren’t certain files in the Lee Harvey Oswald matter sealed for fifty years?  Doesn’t that mean that those files should soon be available to the public?  Will that finally answer the questions . . . or will it just mean more questions?

Patrick Henry said:  “I know no way of judging of the future but by the past.”

Now the disk jockey will (if he wants to keep his job) play Cher’s “Bang, Bang” “Stagger Lee,” and the doctored version of “What the World Needs Now” – the one with news sound bytes added.  We have to head out to Purple Porpoise to investigate the possibility that Elvis is still alive.  Have a “Tu Phat” type week.

Sequoia vs. Newark?

We have noted the relative sparse news coverage in American media of the floods in Brisbane Australia and in an effort to write about something that isn’t on this week’s Top Ten Blog Topics in the USA, we thought maybe we’d travel over to Brisbane California and see if there were any local angle stories there about efforts to help the folks in the city in Queensland.  Will the residents of Brisbane California do anything to celebrate  <a href =http://www.australiaday.org.au/experience/>Australia Day on January 26</a>?

In Berkeley, while debating that possible column topic, we encountered Sarah from Fremantle (in Western Australia), who was soliciting donations for the work being done by the Sierra Club.  After chatting about our fond memories of her hometown, we promised to mention the work being done by the Sierra Club and their continuing need for funds. 

Thinking about the group, a favorite of Ansel Adams, and the work they do to preserve the treasures of nature which can be found in the USA, reminded us that in the latest news letter from the Beat Museum they mentioned that the US government was seeking help in manning the fire watch tower on Desolation Peak, which is the very same place where Jack Kerouac once worked on the same job.  It was while working on that job that he gathered the material used in his “Desolation Angels” book.  Here is the link from the newsletter:
http://jobview.usajobs.gov/GetJob.aspx?JobID=94339980#Top

Thinking about the scenic splendors of the American West reminded the writer that one of the big glaring omissions in our efforts to go everywhere and see everything is that we have never been to Sequoia National Park.  Since we have been having some difficulty trying to convince a high school classmate that California offers visitors both remarkable outdoor scenery and world class automobile museums that are just as good (or perhaps fueled by a resident’s pride we might say “better”?) than those available in his adopted home state of New Jersey.  We may have to go there and write a “based on personal observation” column asserting that a visit there is worth the expenditure of some funds and effort for a fellow who owns a camper and lives near Newark.

Ilsa she-wolf of the World’s Laziest Journalist’s accounting department is very parsimonious about authorizing the expenditure of funds in an effort to gather material for use in columns written for posting on liberal websites. 

If we go to the Sequoia National Park, with or without Jersey Bill along on the venture, we would have to drop in occasional references to George W. Bush’s cavalier attitude regarding the preservation of the natural beauty of places such as Yosemite, the Tahoe basin, the Monterey Peninsula, and Joshua Tree.  The inclusion of that partisan information would be an effort to placate Ilsa and various M.E.’s.  

At recent staff meetings at the World’s Laziest Journalist’s home office, we have made very tentative inquires to Ilsa about getting enough funds to travel to Germany to assess the various automobile museums there.  Her immediate response was to snarl “Nein!”  We amended the request and couched it in terms of taking a reading of the public opinion regarding America in cities such as Paris and Berlin.  It’s been almost 67 years since the Yanks liberated Paris.  Have the existentialists’ approval ratings of America slipped since then?  Does the Berlin airlift still count for points in the average German citizen’s thinking about the USA?  We could intersperse that kind of information among the critiques of the various automobile museums encountered in the expedition.

The sad fact is that even if the exploration adventures gets Ilsa’s approval, we would still have to be extremely cautious in the expenditure of funds because it’s only the folks from the conservative media who earn exorbitant salaries and are not constricted by the rigors of  a tight budget.

The conservative propagandists have fewer restraints about the truthfulness of what they can say.  We were again made aware of the conservatives’ liberal (oxymoron?) interpretation of the journalist’s obligation to report only true facts while listening to a recent broadcast done by “America’s anchor” Rush Limbaugh.  He astounded us by casually asserting that because the Tucson shooter was involved in a traffic stop early on Saturday morning, the local sheriff knew what evidence was in a safe at the home of the perp’s parents. Does he do piece work and get paid so much for each and every lie he tells?

If el Rushbo’s audience can’t figure out that such a statement is absurd because the law enforcement officers couldn’t know information gathered after the crime when something happened before the shooting started.  If logical contradictions don’t’ bother his legions of teabagging listeners, then the task facing those presenting an opposing point of view is tougher than the Sisyphus challenge.  Name for me one teabagger who insists that:  An argument is valid if and only if its <I>corresponding  conditional</I> is a logical truth.

Doesn’t Rush’s salary compute out to something like three dollar a second, one hundred eighty dollars a minute (exceptionalism?  Do you think that he is personally concerned by the pragmatic effects of lowering the minimum wage rate?), ten thou an hour, 32+ thou  for a three hour day, 160+ thou a week, $8 mil a year and doesn’t that add up to make the reports of a 5 year contract worth $45 mil?  It’s no wonder that he sounds so folksy and just like one of the boys in the local pub.  Not!  Think he has a personal interest in lower taxes for the rich?

Tossing casual references concerning inductive and deductive reasoning, syllogisms, and <I>ad hominem</I> arguments at a bunch of college educated liberals is one thing, but throwing them at teabaggers, who are certain that Rush is infallible, is an act of futility raised to the tenth power.  That existentialist errand brings to mind the old joke about the expert mule skinner who always started his first training session by whacking the animal in the face with a piece of lumber saying:  “First, ya gotta get their attention.”

In “The Politics of Protest” (The Skolnick Report to the National Commission on the causes and prevention of violence) it states:  “The most violent single force in American history outside of war has been a minority of militant whites, defending home, family, or country from forces considered alien or threatening.”  (Ballantine Books paperback 1969 contained in the summary on page xxiii)  Do teabaggers give a tinker’s damn about that?

Wouldn’t el Rushbo dismiss the entire report with a snarky one liner?

If teabaggers are not going to be concerned with facts; why should a columnist, who isn’t being paid scads of money, bother with finding factual material just to preach to the choir (as it were)?

Speaking of talk show hosts, lately our efforts to listen to the Mike Malloy radio show have been complicated by the fact that numerous times the station switches to Dons Basketball. 

That, in turn, reminded us that Herb Graffis, writing in the September 1943 issue of Esquire magazine (reporting on that magazine’s Sports Poll on page 104) quoted Professor Scott Nearing (a poll participant) who had commented:  “professional sport, including horse racing, is a dope peddled by the ruling class to keep the masses diverted and to prevent them from thinking about their troubles.”  Which TV network is the leading brand for sports programming?

There has been numerous times recently when this columnist has written something and then not posted it for a variety of reasons. 

We’ve thought about doing the work necessary to gather the material for a potential column and then balked at the daunting task.

This week CBS radio news alerted us to the story about the opening of the first Gay Museum in the USA.  (If Rush talks about that topic after you have read this column, would it be a valid example of the <I> post hoc; ergo propter hoc</I> school of reasoning, to jump to the conclusion that he must read my columns?)

There is going to be a gun show at the Cow Palace in San Francisco this weekend.  Is it worth the effort to go there and then write a column about the event?  Wouldn’t the results be rather predictable?

Do the readers of this website care about the fact that the tenth annual <a href =http://www.sfsketchfest.com/home/> S. F. Sketchfest</a> opened and will run until February 5? 

A total lack of motivation had paralyzed activities at the World’s Laziest Journalist home office.  Then, on January 13, we broke our New Year’s resolution to abstain from drinking coffee and immediately, despite the fact that it was a drizzly day, overcoming the obstacles to gathering column topics, writing them up, and getting to a web connection to post them disappeared.  Look out, world, here we come!

Is the courtroom in Nuremburg, where the War Crimes Trials were held, still in existence?  Is there a good automobile museum nearby?

Will Jim Romenesko plug our efforts if we write and post our annual Columnists’ Day column early this year? 

One of the basic principles for happy vagabonding is “travel light,” and we might not take along our laptop.  Heck, there were plenty of internet cafes in Australia, so maybe France and Germany have kept pace?

Maybe, before we go, we will do the work necessary to get the Berkeley City Council to name Simon and Garfunkel’s song, “Mrs. Robinson,” as the city’s official song?  That song was in the iconic Sixties film of the same name.  Who can think of the Sixties without thinking of Berkeley and Sproul Plaza?  That might get some good column material, eh?

San Francisco’s ninth annual <a href =http://www.noircity.com/>Noir City film Festival</a> is about to commence.  Seeing some of the films that will be shown is sure to inspire some heavy duty political punditry on our part.

If a writer has a good cup of coffee available at six in the morning; who needs obscene amounts of dollars?  Especially if the columns that get written help inspire Jersey Bill to cross the California state line.  (At other times he’s gotten as close as Oregon and Arizona.)  How much would Rush have earned in the time it took you to read this far?

On the topic of writing columns, George Will has been quoted (in “Pundits, Poets, & Wits:  An Omnibus of American Newspaper Columns” gathered by Karl E. Meyer Oxford University Press 1990) as saying:  “The amazing thing is that something this much fun isn’t illegal.”   Yeah, well if JEB Bush gets elected, he may figure out a way to have a law which makes columns written by liberals illegal; so it may be a case of enjoy it while can.

Now the disk jockey will play the “Best of Edith Piaf” album, the soundtrack album for “Cabaret,” and John Wayne’s album, “America Why I Love Her.”  We have to go and look for a copy of “Europe on $5 a day.”  Have a “Triumph of the Will” type week.

A bet for your Conservative friends

Journalists on the Trend-spotting beat are always searching for questions, facts, or fads that indicate that a quick and significant shift in the national cultural scene has begun.  When a new man is sworn in as America’s President, that usually unleashes a tsunami of journalistic pontification about how henceforth things will be different, accompanied by sanctimonious efforts to make specific predictions.  Sometimes such a trend-spotting story displays a remarkable level of accuracy such as the time in 1943 when New York based media (and Newsweek in particular?) focused their attention on some innovations being scored by local jazz musicians, such as Charlie “Bird” Parker.  Perhaps the most notable examples of accuracy in trend-spotting can be tarnished by allegations of the “self-fulfilling prophecy” kind.  Look at the incredulity that greeted the simultaneous cover articles done by Time and Newsweek on the then obscure musician named Bruce Springsteen.

Close counts in certain endeavors such as pitching horseshoes, hand grenades, and (as some curmudgeons maintain) love, but it has no validity when it comes to trend-spotting. 

We’ll inject a personal anecdote here to illustrate the point.  Back in the late Sixties, this writer and a buddy went out on reconnaissance “bird watching” mission.  (Back then young ladies were yclept “birds.”)  In the process, we went to a night club that was popular with the college crowd.  In a moment of quiet reflection (“Schaeffer’s is the one beer to have, when you’re having more than one”), this columnist focused his attention on the band and was struck by the thought that the young folks were so intent on the “body exchange” aspect of the place, that they seemed oblivious to the possibility that they could be ignoring a band destined for greatness. 

Did the young folks in Liverpool’s Cavern Club focus on the potential of the house band, or were they concentrating their attention on the mating rituals of the human species?  Could it be, we wondered, that the young people in that Jersey bar were overlooking a band with the potential to sell out arena venues? 

The place where we had that thought, we later learned, was the very same place (the Erlton Bowl in Cherry Hill) where Bruce Springsteen and his band worked for years as the house band and polished their musical skills.  Were they the band that inspired a comparison to the Beatles?  Maybe, but it could also be that Springsteen & Co. got their gig at that place the week after we were there.  We’ll never know how close we came to being a few years ahead of Time and Newsweek in their admiration for Springsteen.

The inciting incident for this maudlin example of “wallowing in nostalgia” was a question about the concept of “point of no return.”  This columnist first encountered that notion when the John Wayne movie “The High and the Mighty” was released.

Some car crash victims have reported that the event seemed to have taken place in “slow-motion.”  If that is true, isn’t there a second in time where thing snap into focus?  Isn’t there one particular moment when the mouse’s perception of the cheese instantly morphs from seeing it as a desirable, easily accessible reward to realizing that it is a parcel of treacherous bait that has been used for an ambush?  Some mice may never have enough time to appreciate the St. Paul’s moment.  But a smarter, more observant mouse may have a blitzkrieg quick moment where he (or she) can (to steal a line from W. C. Fields) take the bull by the tail and face the situation.  The mouse notices that things have become unmanageable and that “this isn’t going to end well.”  The cheese doesn’t move, but the mouse’s perception of it does.

This columnist isn’t the only American who has been fascinated by the history of the Third Reich.  Didn’t “The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich” make the best seller lists when it was published?  Our (apparently autographed by the author) copy of the English translation of Klaus Hildebrand’s book “the Foreign Policy of the Third Reich” indicates that we aren’t alone in regard to an interest in that academic topic.

[Ready for another personal experience story?  About a year ago, while savoring a hot white chocolate drink at the Cow’s End Café in the Venice Section of Los Angeles, we started chatting with one of the locals.  When he was informed that we write for this website, he became antagonistic in his attitude about America’s first President of Pan-African heritage and eventually we counter-attacked with an allegation that the Republican playbook relied entirely on concepts plagiarized from “Mein Kampf.”  That incensed the fellow and he challenged our basis for making that comparison:  “Have you read it?”  When we said “yes,” he resigned the game snarling that his personal ethics dictated that he couldn’t hold a conversation with anyone who had read that book.  Republicans, it seems, only wish to debate people who are not well informed about the topic to be discussed.]

Initially, approval in Germany for Herr Hitler was sufficient to give him a basis for an attempt to form a coalition government.  Thanks to some subsequent tricky political maneuvers, the influence of his party grew.  Ultimately, Hitler’s approval ratings plummeted in early 1945.  We have often wondered:  At what point did the German people have their “Mousetrap Moment Epiphany”? 

The teabaggers are steeped in unqualified admiration for the Republican agenda.  Will they ever experience a “Mousetrap Moment”?

Have you noticed that lately all the Republicans are calling the USA a Republic and not a Democracy?  What’s the difference?  Does it matter?  Will that subtle bit of semantics provide the basis for a teabag party mousetrap moment some time in the future?  

Some curmudgeonly pundits are making dire predictions that the USA will follow the German path to national disgrace.  If they are accurate in their trend-spotting prognostications, then the Americans will, like the Germans, have a Mousetrap Moment when the majority (some party stalwarts will be enthusiastic about using the cyanide pill) of Americans will have a change of heart about the Republican stealth efforts to scrap the Social Security program and cater only to the welfare needs of the super-rich. 

What small (relatively unnoticed) bit of contemporary American culture will future historians say marked the turning point?  Will it be the fact that Bill O’Reilly lost his radio show?  Will it be the slide in Glenn Beck’s numbers?  Will it be the contemporary spin that denied that President Reagan was suffering from dementia?  (Didn’t the Wall Street Journal run a feature story about emphatic denials being a symptom of guilt, just before the O. J. trial began?)  Will it be something that Rush lies about too blatantly? 

This columnist had been assessed as being out of touch with reality for expressing the opinion that future historians will someday determine that the Mousetrap Moment was when JEB Bush was inaugurated as President in 2013. 

Who was the German leader who made the decision to accept the Allies offer of unconditional surrender?  It wasn’t Hitler.  He was “non en case” by that time. 

Recently we have noticed that Fox Network of Republican Propaganda seems to be loosing their position as de facto squad leader for American media.  Taking a reading of public sentiment in Berkeley CA may not be the most accurate measure of the situation on a national level, but we have noticed that some obstreperous members of the country’s  media seems to be making efforts to establish that Fox no longer gives them the lead that they must follow.

When Fox dictates that the media must marvel at a sudden surge in JEB’s popularity right as the Iowa caucuses are scheduled to be played out, will the rest of the national media do what will be expected of them (by their wealthy owners?)?

For those who would refute this scenario by asserting that Sarah Palin has a “lock” on the nomination, we would respond:  “Look up the definition of ‘stalking horse candidate’!”  She won’t be the first babe to be played for a sucker by the rich guys calling the shots from behind the scenes.

[Here’s a nice irrelevant quote.  In the entry for March 7, 1936, in his book Berlin Diary, William L. Shirer wrote:  “Their hands are raised in slavish salute, their faces now contorted with hysteria, their mouths wide open, shouting, shouting, their eyes, burning with fanaticism, glued on the new god, the Messiah.”]

What if the turning point turns out to be the invention of “The Malloy Challenge” by an obscure blogger?  What, you ask, is “The Malloy Challenge”?  Find a staunch conservative friend and make a small friendly wager.  Bet them they can’t listen to Mike Malloy’s radio program for a week and not have a mousetrap moment conversion.

They have to listen for a full week.  Listening for fifteen minutes and then turning it off and throwing a temper tantrum won’t win the bet.  If terrorism suspects can be repeatedly subjected to waterboarding and they can’t listen to a fellow with an opposing point of view for a full week, doesn’t that smack of hypocrisy and wimpiness?

Challenging a conservative to listen attentively to the Mike Malloy’s radio program for a week in return for $10 pay, won’t work; but if you appeal to their macho side and couch the offer in the terms of a friendly wager that might work.  If they can’t tune in to Malloy for a week to win a bet, then it is obvious they would crumble like a paper tiger, if they had to endure waterboarding for their cause.

Issuing “The Malloy Challenge” to conservative friends isn’t going to stop the inauguration of JEB, but it is going to give you a right to the “I tried to warn you” example of schadenfreude, when you conservative friends are aghast at what they see happening when JEB gets his hands on FDR’s beloved Social Security program.

Klaus Hildebrand (Ibid page 72) wrote:  “Chamberlain’s attitude can only be understood properly if it is seen in the context of his basic plan for peace.”  Isn’t that sortta like Obama’s efforts to “reach out to the other side”?

The disk jockey will, of course, play the haunting theme song from “the High and the Mighty,” “Born to Run,” and the <I>Badenweiler March</I> (to see why that is relevant to this column read Shirer’s Berlin Diary entry for September 5, 1934).  We have to go look up the explanation for Rupert Sheldrake’s concept of <a href =http://www.skepdic.com/morphicres.html>morphic resonance</a>.  Have a “Bugaloo, got a bet going over here!” type week.

Global Warming will happen when Hell freezes over!

[Note:  This column has been crossposted on:http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/bob-patterson/33804/glenn-beck-gandhi-and-satori  and on http://bartblog.bartcop.com/  and may appear on Op Ed News soon.]

After writing a column speculating about a way to get some Conservative friends to listen to Mike Malloy’s radio program, one replied and said that he would offer me a wager about my effort to read Ayn Rand because he knew I hadn’t read any of her novels and he also offered the opinion that I should listen to Glenn Beck because his philosophy is remarkably similar to Gandhi’s.  It was at that point that I became aware of the fact that I should accept the lesson that President Obama refuses to learn:  the conservative version of open-mindedness is a binary choice between “my way or the highway.” 

Will the subtle message conveyed by the fact that Gandhi’s autobiography was “Experiments with the Truth” escape my notice?  Is that the basis for the comparison to Beck?  Does Beck do with facts what Houdini did with elephants?

Dialogue with Conservatives is impossible.  This columnist would be better served by applying his energy to the task of getting press credentials for the next 24 hour race at Le Mans or finding a copy of “Atlas Shrugged.” 

Why did we specifically pick Mike Malloy rather than some other less acerbic liberal talk show host?  The answer would be because we were including results from a test suggested by Bill O’Reilly.  Back when he had a radio program, the Billster suggested a method to use for selecting reliable sources of information.  O’Reilly, at that time, was crusading against Kitty Kelly’s book about the Bush family and he urged readers to select three items and fact check them.  He pontificated that she would fail such a test and that her book was an unreliable smear job.

We had to go to the research Library at UCLA to find such esoteric resources as a way to check the accuracy of what Kitty Kelly said about one particular story published by a New York newspaper on July 30, 1941.  We not only learned that she was correct, but also we picked up additional facts about Fritz Thyssen, Knight Wooley, and the Union Banking Corporation which came in handy later when Conservatives were discussing arcane items from the Bush family history. 

Doing fact checking about New York newspapers printed in 1941 was possible in Los Angeles and can also be done in Berkeley, but we have some strong doubts about the access to that kind of fact checking resources for residents in Concordia Kansas. 

We checked out the source for the Kelly claim that George W. Bush had, as a child, tormented frogs.  (Kelly blatantly ignored the possibility that the frogs presented a credible security threat.)  [In the past, we have read John Douglas’s book “Mind Hunter.”  He helped pioneer the FBI profiler program.  He said that kids who tortured animals were more likely to become serial killers.]  Her source corroborated Kelly’s contention.  (What does Glenn Beck’s philosophy have to say about corroboration?)

A third example of fact checking (about the time when Poppy Bush bailed out of  his bomber during World War II) was successful and thus by O’Reilly’s own standards, readers could continue relying on “The Bush Family” for accurate information.  Ironically, that simultaneously proved that O’Reilly’s insistence that any such test would discredit the Kelly book was itself wrong and thus O’Reilly was discredited by his own criteria about reliable sources performing at the “no hitter” level of quality. 

At times, when we have fact checked Mike Malloy, he has passed the O’Reilly test and so we believe that if Malloy passes random fact checks that means (by O’Reilly’s own standards) that Malloy can be trusted.  Furthermore, if Malloy’s facts are valid then the Republican track record veers toward war crimes, favoritism (for the rich), and union busting which indicates that the average working man may not get a fair deal.

Therefore we jumped to the conclusion that since Malloy passed the O’Reilly test, he would be the best basis for a recommendation that conservatives should give him a test listen to get a reliable different point of view.

All the foregoing is predicated on the idea that Conservatives might be interested in knowing accurate specifics about opposing points of view.  Wrong!  Weren’t Germans who listened, during World War II, to news not disseminated by the official government news source, automatically considered to be disloyal citizens?  In the conservative mind, isn’t listening to Malloy comparable to urging Germans during World War II to listen to unapproved news?  Reading resistance newspapers in Paris during the occupation meant that the reader would risk his (or her) life to get the information provided. Would you take that risk just to get an opposing point of view that’s wrong? 

Speaking of Combat newspaper, Camus, and Sartre; how far is Le Mans from Paris?  Are their any good hostels close to the race course? 

After JEB is inaugurated (in January of 2013) will he reinstitute the Fairness Doctrine and use that to knock Malloy off the airwaves?  (Would any conservative dare assert that Malloy is fair?)  If so, why waste time and energy now getting conservative friends to listen to Malloy? 

The very same liberals who do not see the philosophy of Gandhi in the words of Glenn Beck are the very same people who would assert that Malloy would not be adversely affected by a Republican sponsored measure to reinstitute the Fairness Doctrine and eliminate unfair biased political punditry of the kind that Mike Malloy delivers to his audience.

Speaking of JEB and his inauguration, we have to do some more fact checking.  The casinos in Las Vegas apparently don’t take bets on political races.  British bookies are reported to accept bets on items outside the realm of sports.  Can good patriotic red blooded Americans legally make an online wager with a British bookie from California?  If not, can Americans send a bet to a bookie in London via snail mail?  If not; perhaps it’s time to start searching for a short duration crash pad in Great Britain before going to Harry’s New York Bar (cinque rue Daunou) and the Le Mans race?

Cynics are implying that things are bad and that the USA has become a nation of sheep.  Conservatives will respond with a trivia question about what fictional character coined the phrase “Silence of the Lambs” and how much was that imaginary guy to be trusted?

Are the same standards applied to what Don Imus says and what Rush Limbaugh says while imitating the comic genius of Sid Caesar?

If the liberals are going to misconstrue the pacifist teaching of St. Glenn into an example of inciting a riot, communication between the opposing factions of the American political scene is impossible and a columnist would be better off researching and writing columns about less factious topics such as the growing popularity of snapshot collecting.

Ayn Rand, in “Atlas Shrugged,” wrote:  “Man has the power to act as his own destroyer – and that is the way he has acted through most of his history.”  OMG!  Doesn’t that sound to you like something a Global Warming theory nut, might say?

Now the disk jockey will be sure to please Conservatives by playing the Elvis version of these songs:  “I Really Don’t Want to Know,” “Known Only to Him,” and “Edge of Reality.”  [Note:  we asked the disk jockey to play Elvis’ “Old Shep,” but he claimed that his rare and valuable copy of that particular song was out on loan to Rev. Dan in L. A. thinking that we couldn’t fact check that, but the Music for Nimrods program is now available for download so we can do some fact checking.]  We have to go to the Zoo and take some snapshots of the polar bears (Ursus Maritimus) because those photos might be collectors’ items someday soon.  Have a “Satori” type week.

“Somebody else wrote this column; it wasn’t me! ! !”

[Note this column has also been posted on Smirking Chimp

http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/bob-patterson/33868/report-from-the-noir-city-film-festival

and elsewhere.]

During an intense effort to convince a Conservative friend that he should listen to some of Mike Malloy’s radio shows, we suddenly realized that we had earned the right to take a short break, so we hopped on a bus and headed out for the Ninth Annual Noir City Film Festival in San Francisco.  A nostalgic trip back in time to an earlier era when all Hollywood movies reinforced the American principle that the bad guys always get caught would be therapeutic.  All the classic examples of the film noir genre were made before some nefarious subversive intellectuals (AKA dirty commies?) were able to get the Hayes code repealed and start making movies hinting that bankers had hearts of stone and that only crooks and liars, not true red-blooded altruistic American patriots, run for public office.       

The theme for this year’s event is:  “Who’s crazy now?” and all 24 examples of the noir genre being shown tell the story of a protagonist who is either insane or suspected of being insane.  Republicans would perceive the movie event as a preview of the next Democratic Party convention to select a Presidential nominee.

The first installment of the film festival presented the double feature of “High Wall,” and “Stranger on the Third Floor.”  The second film is credited with the distinction of being the first appearance of a movie that would be labeled as “film noir.”  It featured some genius examples of black and white cinematography that included images of shadows to tell the story.  It included a surrealistic dream sequence as did many subsequent examples of quality noir.  The leading man is falsely arrested for murder and his frail does the detective work necessary to find a suspicious stranger and thus clear her man. 

The Saturday matinee was up next.  “Strangers in the Night” tells the story of a crazy old lady and her efforts to control the life of a wounded war veteran. 

Then they showed “Gaslight,” the 1944 film featuring an Academy Award Winning (AKA the Oscar™) performance by Ingrid Bergman.  Spoiler warning:  If you haven’t seen this stunning mystery, there will be some plot surprises revealed below.  In it a young singer, Paula Alquist (Ingrid Berman) falls under the control of a man who exudes charm and savoir faire.  They get married and she begins to manifest examples of memory loss.  Her husband gives her a family heirloom broach and she immediately loses it.  It reminded this columnist of how the liberals have lost their memory about the news stories that described how the airplane that had hit the Pentagon was painstakingly reassembled in a hanger in Langley Virginia, and how that provided valuable clues linking the perps to Saddam Hussein.

The wife continues to have distressing examples of losing touch with reality despite her husband’s constant efforts to remind her of the truth.  The husband, Gregory Anton  (Charles Boyer), reminded this reviewer of Donald Rumsfeld.   When they clash over a chance to go to a party, he reluctantly relents and is mortified when she breaks down in tears at the event.  (I’m sure that, in these more compassionate times, some effeminate guys would assert that she was merely showcasing her softer side and not manifesting emotional instability as her husband maintained.) 

Just as the husband is about to take steps to have his wife committed to an insane asylum, a Scotland Yard fellow steps in and proves that a crime has taken place and that the husband is a bigamist, a murderer, and was after some valuable jewelry. 

At that point, we became obsessed with the idea that we should rush back to our pad in Berkeley and do the necessary key strokes to produce a column that compares what the husband did to what the Bush Administration did to the conspiracy theory nuts who thought they understood reality and that the highly paid government staff workers did not. 

By early Sunday morning, we realized that it was senseless to worry about things such as:
How did the US Army lose Osama in the Torra Borra mountains?

Did Building 7 just fall down?

Aren’t the electronic voting machines unhackible? 

Isn’t it best for a conservative majority Supreme Court to decide close elections?

If there is more than one film noir film festivals in the USA, why isn’t there a vampire film festival?

Years and years from now, if someone does start a vampire film festival, and if Dick Cheney is selected as guest of honor, what will the curmudgeonly Democrats say that means?

Sunday the twin bill was “A Double Life” which won the lead actor, Ronald Colman another one of those gold statue awards for acting, and “Among the Living” which was an obscure gem notable for several different reasons.  The second film featured Francis Farmer and Rita Hayward.  In it, Americans were depicted as having a lynch mob mentality, which we now know happens only when justice involves national security factors such as the WikiLeaks case.

We chatted briefly with the Czar of Noir, Eddie Muller, who is an author and the event host.  Was one of the fans who spoke to him, Freddy Francisco the former columnist known as “Mr. San Francisco”?  Unless that fellow has the life expectancy statistics of a vampire it would be impossible for it to have been the guy Mr. Hearst fired personally two different times.

Noir fans who can’t wait until the Los Angeles event from March 31 to April 17, later this year, might enjoy the <a href =http://www.ferdyonfilms.com/?p=7177>Film Preservation Blogathon (For the Love of Film [Noir</a>]) starting on February 14 being hosted by Ferdy on Films and The self –Styled Siren.

The Film Noir Foundation has been working with the UCLA Film and Television Archive to preserve noir movies which are in danger of disappearing from contemporary culture (like a tiger in the smoke?).

We realized that the World’s Laziest Journalist may have become overworked in his efforts to win the debate with the conservative friend and, perhaps, the columnist needs a bigger and better bit of divertissement than the Noir City event.  We have noticed that a new film playing in Berkeley is titled “<a href =http://www.nurembergfilm.org/>Nuremburg</a>.”  Maybe it’s a travelogue?  Doesn’t Germany have the highest excellent Quality Automobile Museum rating of any country in the entire world? 

Maybe a trip there to see those tourist attractions would take our mind off Bush and our misperception that he has done a bad thing by approving waterboarding?  Yes!  We’ll get our mind right, boss!  We’ll start with a trip to downtown Berkeley to see that travelogue. 

What about a travelogue and a fine meal?  What is chef Lecter serving at his world famous restaurant tonight?

Speaking of conflicting points of view, we are anxiously awaiting the return of Roger Ebert to the TV screens of America, even though the only movie critic ever to win a Pulitzer Prize did fail to grasp reality in his review of Van Wilder. 

Which quote doesn’t belong?

“Tell, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up!”

“Let’s see, three times 35 – is a hundred and five. I’ll bet you 105,000 dollars that you go to sleep before I do.”

“There was another key . . .”

“How many shots did he fire . . .”

“We have proof that there are WMD’s in Iraq.”

Now, if our disk jockey can find the records he seems to have lost, he will play the theme song from “Laura,” the Vertigo soundtrack album, and “The Ballad of Lucy Jordon.”  We have to go and Buy War Bonds today.  Have a “if it looks suspicious; report it” type week.

Does it seem like the summer of 1816 to you?

This column has been cross posted at
http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/bob-patterson/33942/the-return-of-the-year-there-was-no-summer

A volcanic eruption of Biblical proportions is often cited as the cause of the unusual weather experienced around the northern hemisphere in 1816, which is often called “the year there was no summer.”  If, as some of the cutting edge conspiracy theory advocates are alleging, the summer of 2011 does a repeat of its 1816’ disappearing act, because of the Gulf oil spill, pundits will eventually get around to haggling over the topic:  “Did global warming start with the volcanic eruption in 1815?”  This columnist would like to ask that question now, and move on (dot org?) to something else for this summer.

While doing some fact checking about the wagering on various candidates who might be the successful candidate for the Presidency of the USA in 2012, we came across the curious bit of information that one of the overseas bookies is giving a thousand to one odds for bets that Laura Bush will be the winner.<!–break–>

Is it true that only the best journalistic hot dogs cover the <a href =http://www.buchmesse.de/en/fbf/>Frankfurt Book Faire</a>?

Has any columnist laid claim to the boast “the pundit other pundits read first”?  Did Freddie Francisco use that line?  If so, would he be gracious enough to let us “borrow” it in the Internets era?  Didn’t Ambrose Bierce write a San Francisco based column before he went AWOL?  Isn’t there a conspiracy theory that suggests that Bierce sneaked quietly back into “Baghdad by the Bay,” and did ghost writing using Freddie Francisco as his nom de plume?

One of the items included in the wrangling over the city budget in Berkeley CA is some quibbling about the use of medical coverage for city employees who want sex change operations.  Maybe if Rush Limbaugh mentions that in a future broadcast, he’ll attribute the tip to Freddie Francisco?

Will the efforts to orchestrate a boycott of Rush’s sponsors work or will it come off looking like a Chinese fire drill?  Wasn’t the very first boycott over an Irish matter?

Speaking of Oprah, we wonder:  Will Qantas now move on our suggestion that they use bargain fares to lure Netroots Nation into holding one of their conventions in Sydney?  Heck, bloggers could go to Sydney in January of 2013 and then come back and hold a second one somewhere in the USA in July and, then it would be the year with two summers, for those who attended both events.

We’ve lost our copy of “Naked is the best disguise,” by Samuel Rosenberg.  As soon as we find a replacement copy (there are beau coup good used book stores in Berkeley) we will start to write a column on his conspiracy theory that philosopher Fred C. Nietzsche was the real life identity of Sherlock Holmes’ nemesis Professor Moriarty.

Why do polar bears (Ursus Maritimus) get all the publicity?  If global warming is more than a figment of the collective mind of the scientific community, then why don’t penguins get some attention?  If the ice cap in the northern hemisphere is in danger of melting away, then won’t the other one melt too and leave the penguins (Aptenodytes patagonica) homeless too?  If the Southern ice cap isn’t going to melt, why not just send the polar bears down there?
Do the luxury hotels in Antarctica tout surfing on their fine beaches or do they stress the skiing experiences available nearby?

Speaking of San Francisco, that’s where the True Oldies Channel (TOC) has their home office.  One of the top features of the TOC is their daily selection of a sentimental song as the cheesy listening song of the day.  You want schmaltz?  You wanna do a Boener blubber scene because of a song on the radio?  We urge our faithful readers (all dozen of you) to e-mail in this suggestion:  Elvis’ “Old Shep.”  Tell Scott Shannon (the TOC’s answer to Emperor Norton?) that you got the idea from Freddie Francisco.

Did you know that San Francisco has two official songs and that (the last time we checked with the city clerk) Berkeley doesn’t have even one?  We’ll have to see what the official city song is in Concordia Kansas.  Do they have two like Frisco?  Or have they been as lax in that department as has Berkeley?

Did you just ask for some political punditry before we fade to commercial?  Our latest bit of fact checking indicates that the current odds regarding JEB as the winner of the 2012 Presidential Elections are forty to one. 

In “Don’t Call It ‘Frisco” (Double Day & Co 1953 hardback page 195), Herb Caen wrote:  “Books that are banned in Boston are best sellers in San Francisco, and their merits are argued hotley in the finest salons.”  Did he really mean to use just one “o”?

Now the disk jockey will play Fred Astair’s “Mr. Top Hat” album, Paul Evans song “Seven Little Girls (Sitting in the back seat with Fred),” and Freddie and the Dreamers album “Fun Lovin’ Freddie.”  Now, we gotta go get tickets for the Porchlight showing of the film “Brushes with Fame.”  Have the kind of week that only Munro Leaf could chronicle.

Which World’s Fair are you going to?

This column has been cross-posted on other sites such as:

http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/bob-patterson/34020/and-to-the-republic-for-which-it-stands

On the morning of Saturday, January 29, 2011, my columnist colleagues seemed to have the political punditry situation regarding events in Egypt well under control and so we felt free to go in San Francisco and see a double bill consisting of “Blind Alley” and “Secret beyond the Door.”  Because those two movies would be considered to be in the genre known as film noir and since we had a similar experience the previous weekend and had written a column about it, we proposed that the expenditures incurred on the venture at hand might qualify as legitimate funding for a fact finding safari to gather relevant material for the topic of time travel. 

The Republicans lately seem to be obsessed with efforts to get the entire USA to return to an earlier time period with a style of politics that had been envisioned by the founding fathers who are currently being promoted for advancement to the beatification stage on the long and arduous road to sainthood.  What red blooded patriotic American military veteran would not want to see the USA take the necessary steps to return to the era when this country was a Republic as it is still called in both the Constitution and the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag? 

The founding fathers, in their omnipotent wisdom, established a Republic.  Only men who owned land were eligible to vote and they came up with superheroes that included George Washington and Thomas Jefferson.  Then along came the Democrats and they soon got voting rights for women, and workers.  They freed the slaves and gave them