If Disney Films and Jerry Bruckheimer are helping Hollywood make films like “The Lone Ranger,” which makes bankers, railroad builders, and the American military look like a gang of ruthless outlaws in disguise, then, perhaps, it’s time to resurrect the House Un-American Activities Committee because this new flick couldn’t be any more anti-American if it were written by the most notorious of the Hollywood Ten. Luckily, the owners of the major media have (apparently) required their reviewers to pan this new attempt to besmirch the reputation of the capitalists who built American and provided jobs and prosperity for all the citizens. All the major reviewers who are pounding this new release with a relentless stream of invective are to be commended by their bosses.
Is it just a coincidence that this film about the conquering of the Old West begins in the depths of the Depression? Did the winning of the West lead to the Depression? Is it a co-inky-dink that the film opens in San Francisco and that is where the union movement led to the general strike in the Thirties that helped inspire a trend towards unionization all across America?
Sure, some reviewers from leftist publications will probably insinuate that this new film from the team that gave America the Pirate Jack Sparrow is just trying to retell the saga of the Lone Ranger as a samurai warrior lost in a spaghetti Western fighting the greedy capitalists who exploit the workers in the world of saloons and six shooters.
In a subtle cinematic reference (without the Col. Bogey March) the director hints that the workers who built the transcontinental railroad were de facto slaves similar to the Prisoners of War who built the Bridge on the River Quai.
The film makers go out of their way to twist history, logic, and geography and set this story about the transcontinental railroad in Texas. It’s a wonder that the script writing team (a nom de plum for Dalton Trumbo?) didn’t call the bandits the Bush gang.
At one point when the dynamic duo realize that sometimes a good man has to use a mask although the two crime fighters are not shown celebrating Guy Fawkes Day.
Bleeding heart liberals have always had a difficult time coping with the measures that were necessary for carrying out God’s plan and making the manifest destiny a reality.
The Comanche tribe’s effort to Occupy Texas was unsuccessful and would be a forecast of how the later attempts to Occupy other parts of the USA and disrupt the capitalists’ paradise would end. It’s not nice to mess with Mother Nature or the capitalists, either.
Robert Newton’s portrayal of Long John Silver set the standard of excellence for cinematic pirates for the baby boomers but when Johnny Depp’s role as Capt. Jack Sparrow came along, it suddenly became a basis for debating the right to the “best ever” claim. The Question “Can Depp do it again with an effort to become the Lone Ranger’s sidekick Tonto?” was sufficiently intriguing to lure the World’s Laziest Journalist out of the rebel encampment in the Berkeley foothills and go over to San Francisco during the BART strike to catch a bargain matinee showing of the new “Lone Ranger” flick.
Perhaps, the new film could be compared to “Apocalypse Now” set in Texas? Would there be some hidden hipster references to Lenny Bruce’s “Thank you Mask (not Masked) Man”? What would the music sound like? Would it be an outstanding example of an existentialist drama?
The initial indications (such as the movie’s score on the Rotten Tomato site) were that the film didn’t cut the mustard. Some snooping on the Movie Review Query Engine site reinforced that initial impression.
The World’s Laziest Journalist does not try to be a contrarian with movie reviews but the tsunami of negative reviews caused us to wonder if there was the kernel of a column in that facet of the new flick and made it worth the effort to see it and write a review.
Spoiler Warning: It will be necessary to use some of the film’s gotcha moments to continue the analysis of the underlying themes and therefore we strongly advise any of the left wingers who still think they might want to see this example of anti-American propaganda that they should only continue reading this review after they have indulged their urge to see it.
The visionary capitalists who built America are depicted in this film as being the Doppelganger equivalant of the barbarian Cavendish gang of outlaws. The fact that on the day that we saw this new film, the Forth of July, the CBS radio network news at 9 p.m. PDT reported that there is an inconvenient law that forbids the USA from paying out aid to a country that has experienced a coup d’etat by their military and, they implied that the law, for pragmatic reasons, will have to be ignored in Egypt’s case is just an inconvenient co-inky-dink.
Didn’t John Wayne use the line: “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.”? Doesn’t that line of reasoning apply to countries too?
If Americans see “The Lone Ranger” and believe the propaganda they will be prone to believing the wildest conjecture about the compassionate conservative Christians running the USA today. For instance, the other night Mike Malloy told his listeners about a new conspiracy theory that suggests that somehow “they” hacked into the computer on Michael Hastings car and overrode the driver’s commands and caused that car to crash into a tree and kill the journalist who wrote the Rolling Stone article that ended General Mc Crystal’s military career.
Edward Snowden is learning the “You can run but you can’t hide” lesson, but the journalists seem to be still clinging to the Liberal daydream of instilling the French Three Musketeers (Communist?) philosophy of “one for all and all for one” into America’s workers.
An example that is ripped from today’s headline might be found in the San Francisco Bay area this week. The Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) workers are out on strike. The AC Transit Authority contract ran out at the same time but they didn’t go out on a simultaneous strike. How long will it be before the Daily Worker Newspaper makes some snide suggestions that the old “divide and conquer” philosophy is at work here and that “they” got to the AC workers and promised some favoritism while “they” destroy the BART union?
If some radicals believe the propaganda in “The Lone Ranger,” folks might expect “them” to destroy the BART union first, break their word, and then set their sights on the AC Transit workers union. St. Ronald Reagan (Raygun?) started the union busting trend and so it does not seem too conspiracy theory-ish for liberals to wonder if the BART and AC unions will be destroyed in sequential order.
[This just in: The BART strike negotiations will continue while the workers agreed to extend the current contract for the next thirty days. Service was scheduled to resume at 3 p.m. PDT on Friday July 5, 2013.]
Did the Pullman strike, the Ludlow massacre, and the Ford plant strike really occur or are they just urban legends concocted by Communist writers to scare the low information voters?
Intellectuals will probably make the assertion that hipsters should see this film just to see how many clever instances of “homage” to other movies they can spot. Does the bank robbery scene remind you of “Bonnie and Clyde”? Does one shot remind viewers of another shot in “Lawrence of Arabia”? Does the bridge explosion sequence evoke memories of the Bridge on the River Kwai?
True patriotic media owners will not let their film reviewers suggest that this Western movie is worth seeing.
What will it say about America if, after being subjected to a tsunami of negative reviews, this film does great business? Hopefully the dumbing down of America will be sufficiently established and the rubes who haven’t seen the film will agree with the critics and will render it a financial debacle and thus discourage additional sequels for this attempt at entertainment which should precipitate a move to reconvene the House Un-American Activities Committee.
The World’s Laziest Journalist (AKA the frugal cinephile?) thought that “The Lone Ranger” was interesting, entertaining, and thought provoking and well worth the price of a bargain matinee.
[Note from the photo editor: Is a film which asks “what’s with the mask” a subtle endorsement of the Occupy Movement? Just asking!]
Orson Wells has said that directing a movie is the greatest train set a boy could ever hope to have. Which brings up the question: “What was the biggest train wreck ever filmed?”
The critics have viewed “The Lone Ranger” and have agreed with Rhett Butler: “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn!”
Now the disk jockey will play the William Tell Overture, Paul Revere’s “Indian Reservation” and the Renegades song “Geronimo.” We have to go smoke the peace pipe. Have a “who was that masked man” type week.