Posts Tagged ‘Music for Nimrods’

Should the song of the week be: “Goodbye cruel world!”?

May 16, 2011

Over the weekend, CBS radio news ran an item about the fact that President Obama had declared that the operations againstLibyawere “open ended.”  The liberal mainstream media, which were so very sarcastic and critical when George W. Bush was in charge of the Endless War on Terrorism, seemed content to let the change in status of the Libya aspect of the war slide past without comment.

On Friday the 13th, Associated Press reported that the Medicare and Social Security programs were in peril economically.  On his radio program that same night, Mike Malloy reported that he had read a report that stated that the Social Security program was solvent and had a cash surplus.  Malloy seems to think that news should be based on facts and not consensus opinion dictated by the media owners and publishers.

On that same day, theUniversityofCaliforniaatBerkeleyheld a commencement for this year’s graduating class at theLawSchool, and a demonstration by folks who opposeAmerica’s use of torture to gain information crucial for self defense held a protest at the entrance to the event.  They based their objections on moral and humanitarian reasons while conveniently ignoring the fact that “the Great White Holy Father” in theVatican, gave his <I>imprimatur</I> to torture about five hundred years ago.  Apparently the anti-torture folks consider themselves to be better theologians than five centuries of Popes and the College of Cardinals have been. 

Ironically, the Great White Father inWashingtonD.C.had gotten his legal advice about the permissibility of torture from a fellow who is on the faculty of the very school that held Friday’s graduation ceremony.  Apparently the anti-torture folks are better legal scholars than President George W. Bush’s team of advisors on such matters.

Everyone who becomes embroiled in the debate overAmerica’s use of torture conveniently forgets that previously in World History,Germanyfaced the same question and the Great White Father inBerlinreached the same legal conclusions that the Bush team would more than a half a century later.  Apparently the anti-torture folks didn’t get good grades in World History class.

House speaker John Boehner was criticized recently by about five dozen professors at various Catholic colleges for a lack of Christ-like compassion for the poor.  How would those teachers like it if, instead of immunity via the tenure tradition, they had to be reelected to the faculty by student and alumni voters?  How about granting a tenure status to Congressional representatives who have served five terms, so that they would subsequently be immune from the riggers of continual reelection campaigns starting with their sixth term in office?

Speaking of world history and infallibility for theologians, that brings up the fact thatOaklandbased theologian Harold Camping has stated that the world will end next weekend.

The World’s Laziest Journalist, who is an ordained minister, has to frequently interrupt his efforts to say the prayers which will deliver a stay of execution for the doomed world, to conduct a debate with Ilsa she-wolf of the WLJ Accounting Department, about existentialist philosophy.  She contends that allegations that the world will end next weekend are insufficient grounds for a weeklong profligate binge of expensive, self indulgence to go into eternity with flourish.  The columnist thinks that a moderate bit of budget-busting extravagance might be permitted before the weekend rendezvous with destiny.  Ilsa says that is an example of selfish thinking rationalization.

One project will be postponed until after next weekend.  If the world doesn’t end, we will attempt to contact Jonathan Kay, author of the just published “Among the Truthers:  A Journey Through America’s Growing Conspiracist Underground,” to give him a chance to give us a quote on the possibility that there is a secret government plot to foil plans to establish a Conspiracy Theory Hall of Fame (in Las Vegas?).

Speaking of quotes from an expert source, have you noticed that while almost everyone has been asked to comment on the shooting of Osama bin Laden, no well known journalist, had a quote on the death from either Mick Jagger or Keith Richards?  Do you think that there is more to this “inadvertent” omission than meets the eye?

The news that one of the atomic reactors inJapanhas gone into the dreaded “meltdown” level of malfunctioning hasn’t been widely disseminated.  In theUnited States, the amount of tornado and flood damage this spring has been statistically much higher than normal.  Was all this predicted in the Book of Revelations? 

This columnist tries to sporadically produce copy that contains short items that are amusing, informative, and entertaining in the three dot journalism method from the past that should be suited to the “give it a quick skim reading” style that the modern Internet audience tends to use.  We intentionally inject obscure, arcane, and esoteric cultural references in the hopes that such a style will attract an enduring number of regular readers and that such a base will provide a rational for management to excuse occasional attempts by the columnist to get “edgy.”  Whatever happened to the idea that “edgy” would become a major ingredient for content on the Internets?  Is it obsolete and has pandering to the lowest common denominator (celebrity gossip) become the standard of excellence? 

This columnist, this week, may spend a few bucks for a few “why not?” treats and may devote some time to offering Rev. Dan of the Music for Nimrods program on KXLU in Los Angeles, some suggestions for this week’s playlist.  Rev. Dan often uses a unifying theme for his show, so he may need some clever suggestions for appropriate music on the installment scheduled to coincide with “The End of the World.”  If playing Elvis’ song, “Old Shep,” will emotionally upset the listeners, who cares if the World is about to end?

We will also try to have a few bucks in our wallet so that on Sunday morning, we can buy a “hot off the press” copy of the Sunday New York Times to read while we have a cup of coffee.   Maybe we’ll find a topic that inspires us to write and post a new column.

If the world does end this coming Saturday, what will happen to the frequent flyer miles we accumulated on Pan Am?

The World’s Laziest Journalist fully expects that his dire warnings that “they” will use the electronic voting machines to rig yet another Presidential election in favor of the Republican candidate (JEB is my best guess) and that when that comes to pass we will be totally baffled by the fact that an accurate prediction on our part will receive no notice in the mainstream media, while a ridiculous “the World will end this Saturday” prediction became a part of the American culture in May of the year 2011.

The most relevant ending quote for a column on the topic of the End of the World might be a bit of folk wisdom (graffiti?) left over from the Sixties:  “The World can’t end today, because it’s already tomorrow inChina.” 

Now the disk jockey will trifle with our tendency to be typical Irish and get sentimental when certain songs are played and play:

“As time goes by”

“Ghost riders in the sky”

“Great balls of fire”

“Rebel Rouser”

“Get off my cloud”

“Running Scared”

“Age of Aquarius”

“A boy named Sue”

“Le vie en rose”

And Judy Collins’ version of “Amazing Grace.”  (Is it true that her version of that song can bring even a Vulcan to the verge of tears?)

The disk jockey will close out with his own selection of Jimmy Darren’s “Goodbye Cruel World.”

We have to go get a speck of dust out of our eye.

Have a “tune in again next week” type week.

Global Warming will happen when Hell freezes over!

January 21, 2011

[Note:  This column has been crossposted on:  and on  and may appear on Op Ed News soon.]

After writing a column speculating about a way to get some Conservative friends to listen to Mike Malloy’s radio program, one replied and said that he would offer me a wager about my effort to read Ayn Rand because he knew I hadn’t read any of her novels and he also offered the opinion that I should listen to Glenn Beck because his philosophy is remarkably similar to Gandhi’s.  It was at that point that I became aware of the fact that I should accept the lesson that President Obama refuses to learn:  the conservative version of open-mindedness is a binary choice between “my way or the highway.” 

Will the subtle message conveyed by the fact that Gandhi’s autobiography was “Experiments with the Truth” escape my notice?  Is that the basis for the comparison to Beck?  Does Beck do with facts what Houdini did with elephants?

Dialogue with Conservatives is impossible.  This columnist would be better served by applying his energy to the task of getting press credentials for the next 24 hour race at Le Mans or finding a copy of “Atlas Shrugged.” 

Why did we specifically pick Mike Malloy rather than some other less acerbic liberal talk show host?  The answer would be because we were including results from a test suggested by Bill O’Reilly.  Back when he had a radio program, the Billster suggested a method to use for selecting reliable sources of information.  O’Reilly, at that time, was crusading against Kitty Kelly’s book about the Bush family and he urged readers to select three items and fact check them.  He pontificated that she would fail such a test and that her book was an unreliable smear job.

We had to go to the research Library at UCLA to find such esoteric resources as a way to check the accuracy of what Kitty Kelly said about one particular story published by a New York newspaper on July 30, 1941.  We not only learned that she was correct, but also we picked up additional facts about Fritz Thyssen, Knight Wooley, and the Union Banking Corporation which came in handy later when Conservatives were discussing arcane items from the Bush family history. 

Doing fact checking about New York newspapers printed in 1941 was possible in Los Angeles and can also be done in Berkeley, but we have some strong doubts about the access to that kind of fact checking resources for residents in Concordia Kansas. 

We checked out the source for the Kelly claim that George W. Bush had, as a child, tormented frogs.  (Kelly blatantly ignored the possibility that the frogs presented a credible security threat.)  [In the past, we have read John Douglas’s book “Mind Hunter.”  He helped pioneer the FBI profiler program.  He said that kids who tortured animals were more likely to become serial killers.]  Her source corroborated Kelly’s contention.  (What does Glenn Beck’s philosophy have to say about corroboration?)

A third example of fact checking (about the time when Poppy Bush bailed out of  his bomber during World War II) was successful and thus by O’Reilly’s own standards, readers could continue relying on “The Bush Family” for accurate information.  Ironically, that simultaneously proved that O’Reilly’s insistence that any such test would discredit the Kelly book was itself wrong and thus O’Reilly was discredited by his own criteria about reliable sources performing at the “no hitter” level of quality. 

At times, when we have fact checked Mike Malloy, he has passed the O’Reilly test and so we believe that if Malloy passes random fact checks that means (by O’Reilly’s own standards) that Malloy can be trusted.  Furthermore, if Malloy’s facts are valid then the Republican track record veers toward war crimes, favoritism (for the rich), and union busting which indicates that the average working man may not get a fair deal.

Therefore we jumped to the conclusion that since Malloy passed the O’Reilly test, he would be the best basis for a recommendation that conservatives should give him a test listen to get a reliable different point of view.

All the foregoing is predicated on the idea that Conservatives might be interested in knowing accurate specifics about opposing points of view.  Wrong!  Weren’t Germans who listened, during World War II, to news not disseminated by the official government news source, automatically considered to be disloyal citizens?  In the conservative mind, isn’t listening to Malloy comparable to urging Germans during World War II to listen to unapproved news?  Reading resistance newspapers in Paris during the occupation meant that the reader would risk his (or her) life to get the information provided. Would you take that risk just to get an opposing point of view that’s wrong? 

Speaking of Combat newspaper, Camus, and Sartre; how far is Le Mans from Paris?  Are their any good hostels close to the race course? 

After JEB is inaugurated (in January of 2013) will he reinstitute the Fairness Doctrine and use that to knock Malloy off the airwaves?  (Would any conservative dare assert that Malloy is fair?)  If so, why waste time and energy now getting conservative friends to listen to Malloy? 

The very same liberals who do not see the philosophy of Gandhi in the words of Glenn Beck are the very same people who would assert that Malloy would not be adversely affected by a Republican sponsored measure to reinstitute the Fairness Doctrine and eliminate unfair biased political punditry of the kind that Mike Malloy delivers to his audience.

Speaking of JEB and his inauguration, we have to do some more fact checking.  The casinos in Las Vegas apparently don’t take bets on political races.  British bookies are reported to accept bets on items outside the realm of sports.  Can good patriotic red blooded Americans legally make an online wager with a British bookie from California?  If not, can Americans send a bet to a bookie in London via snail mail?  If not; perhaps it’s time to start searching for a short duration crash pad in Great Britain before going to Harry’s New York Bar (cinque rue Daunou) and the Le Mans race?

Cynics are implying that things are bad and that the USA has become a nation of sheep.  Conservatives will respond with a trivia question about what fictional character coined the phrase “Silence of the Lambs” and how much was that imaginary guy to be trusted?

Are the same standards applied to what Don Imus says and what Rush Limbaugh says while imitating the comic genius of Sid Caesar?

If the liberals are going to misconstrue the pacifist teaching of St. Glenn into an example of inciting a riot, communication between the opposing factions of the American political scene is impossible and a columnist would be better off researching and writing columns about less factious topics such as the growing popularity of snapshot collecting.

Ayn Rand, in “Atlas Shrugged,” wrote:  “Man has the power to act as his own destroyer – and that is the way he has acted through most of his history.”  OMG!  Doesn’t that sound to you like something a Global Warming theory nut, might say?

Now the disk jockey will be sure to please Conservatives by playing the Elvis version of these songs:  “I Really Don’t Want to Know,” “Known Only to Him,” and “Edge of Reality.”  [Note:  we asked the disk jockey to play Elvis’ “Old Shep,” but he claimed that his rare and valuable copy of that particular song was out on loan to Rev. Dan in L. A. thinking that we couldn’t fact check that, but the Music for Nimrods program is now available for download so we can do some fact checking.]  We have to go to the Zoo and take some snapshots of the polar bears (Ursus Maritimus) because those photos might be collectors’ items someday soon.  Have a “Satori” type week.

“Have a little more Champaign, my dear?”

January 16, 2009


Callling Rev. Dan and his “Music for Nimrods” program (Sat. 3 a.m. to 6 a.m. PST) from Australia is too expensive, but maybe Jersey Bill who can do it for me between 6 a.m. and 9 a.m. EDT) will be able to dial 310-338-5958 and act as our proxy?  Isn’t it time to ask for “Have a little more Champaign, my dear?” (done by Jim Backus)?

This couple is shown enjoying a sunset in Fremantle, Western Australia.