A crazy idea from the WLJ guy

Is it worth the effort to write a column that ties together the W. C. Fields slogan “Never Give a Sucker an even Break,” Ross Thomas’ book title “The Fools in Town Are on our Side,” and the old locker room adage “my wife’s married; but I’m not” and present something that will amuse the hardcore Fox Views audience who believe that they are people with inquiring minds who won’t get fooled again? 

So which of the Republicans are the Foxkrieg troops going to embrace this year?  Will it be the Rich guy who made millions liquidating American businesses while trying to palm himself off as a Woody Guthrie-ish man of the streets?  (Why didn’t he just say “I’m the Wall Street guy”?)  Will it be the studly family values = open marriage guy?  Will it be Rick “say hello to my little friend” Santorum? 

Aren’t contemporary efforts to assess the Republican scramble to select a 2012 Presidential Candidate similar to trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle while participating in the stampede to depart from a sinking ship that has sounded the abandon ship alarm?  It is an impossible task so the pundits should embrace the insanity.

IsAmericaready to do a mind melt with Rupert Murdoch and select soccer as the official American pastime?  If anyone can turn soccer hooliganism into a display of American patriotism, surely it will be the Fox analysts, eh?  Isn’t Superbowl Sunday going to start with a Manchester United match?  Wow!  Will all the Tottenham Hotspurs fans tune in to see theManchesterboys get their noses bloodied (figuratively speaking, of course!)?

Have any of the news organizations done an update on the brain cancer victim who was sent to the hospital for daring to root for an out-of-town team at a Hockey match recently?

Don’t sports fans believe in “One sport – One Team – One star player”? 

Can’t we all get along and subscribe to a philosophy that asserts “One CEO!” as a (metaphorically speaking) way of supporting whoever gets elected President in November?  The Republicans all agree that the Democrats should think that way. 

Don’t the skeptics who get so upset with the Occupy Movement urge the protesters to get a job because work will set them free?  BFH!  (Isn’t that the Brit-texting way of saying Bloody Far-out Hell!”?) 

Only Democrats see a contradiction in continuing the foreclosure trend and then telling the homeless families that they can’t sleep in tents in public parks and they can’t stay in abandoned office buildings either.  Duh!  Ya can’t create jobs in office buildings that have become de facto slum tenements.  They have to be ready to house new businesses when the Republicans use the electronic voting machines (with unverifiable results) to replace the incumbent President. 

If a Republican is elected President won’t he, like George W. Bush did previously, take military spending off the national budget’s balance sheet and then “abracadabra!”  quick as a flash, there will be no deficit and the road to recovery will be smooth sailing for the rest of his term.

To hear the Democrats tell it, if George W. Romney gets elected, he will liquidate the New Deal as fast as possible.  Duh, again!  If the Republicans scrap the Social Security Program, there won’t be any need to tax the rich, eh? 

The Democrats worship Obama to an uncomfortable degree.  Isn’t it time to send Willard up there to replace him in the White House?  BFH!  Are Obama’s methods unsound?  Ask some Republicans and they (and their subservient old ladies) will tell you:  “I don’t see any method at all!”

What’s the difference between a punk, a rebel (with or without a cause), an outlaw, a rocker, a soccer hooligan, and an Occupy protester? 

If there is no difference why don’t some punk rockers, rebels and outlaws hold a benefit concert to raise funds to buy foreclosed buildings to house the tent cities protesters?  Do they think that if they raise the money, the banks won’t sell them the abandoned unused office buildings? 

A lot of musicians have made a considerable amount of money posing as punks, rebels, and outlaws.  If they are going to talk the talk, shouldn’t they be willing to walk the walk?

The Rolling Stones band once made headlines inGreat Britainby proclaiming:  “We’re the Rolling Stones; we piss anywhere.”  Was that a sneak preview of the Occupy Movement?  All they gotta do is play one benefit concert, one time and then the Occupy Posse will have enough money to buy foreclosed office buildings in (guessing) twenty five strategic cities? 

Have the boys fromAltamontsuddenly become The Rolling Stones Inc.?

When the Rolling Stones got into some legal troubles (over a closed men’s room?) inGreat Britain, the Who went into a studio and cut a cover of a Rolling Stones song as a show of solidarity.  (We’ve seen a copy of the record in Dr. Demento’s private collection.) 

Back in the day, the Stones had a legal obligation to deliver an album and so they did.  Unfortunately, the material they delivered was unsuitable to their corporate masters and so the project was shelved.  The name of the album can’t be printed in a family newspaper.  Try a Google search for the “Rolling Stones” and “contractual obligation album,” if you want to find the name the band suggested. 

Jerry Lee Lewis had one song with a line that asked “How much would you pay to hear a living legend sing?” 

Is it true that Guns ‘n’ Roses, who opened for the Rolling Stones during the Steel Wheels tour, will be inducted into the Rock’n’Roll Hall of Fame this year?  Who recorded the song “Time slips away”?  Or was it titled “Where Does the Time go?”?

How much money could a benefit concert raise if the lineup featured (hypothetically speaking) Joan Baez, Bob Dylan, the Who, the Kinks, and Furthur (the band formerly known as The Grateful Dead)?  This columnist paid $8 plus change for a ticket to see the Rolling Stones inAnaheimin 1978 (or so); concert tickets would probably cost more these days.  (Just guessing.)

[Note: the World’s Laziest Journalist assumes that if a band didn’t play a gig before January 1, 1970, it is too new and untried to merit serious consideration – although the guys with the band called “U2” are showing some promise.]

Good conservative musicians don’t seem to hesitate when Sean Hannity puts out an invitation to play an annual benefit concert to help the Marines.  What up with all the rock musicians who make sizable fortunes singing about the salt of the earth and working man’s blues?  Can they get their accountants to grant them permission to play just one Occupy Aid type concert gratis?

The Republican debates are getting the Republican viewpoint out to the public.  Why aren’t the Democrats having debates during the primary season?  Are they subscribing to the “No dissention” among the ranks philosophy these days? 

No concert.  No debates.  No hoopla?  How do they expect to win in November?

President Nixon, President Reagan, and President George W. Bush all seemed to intuitively know the wisdom of W. C. Fields’ advice about a second term:  “If a thing’s worth having; it’s worth cheating for.”  The last two Democratic Presidents elected to two full terms in office were Bill Clinton and FDR.

Now the disk jockey will play the Cowsills’ “We Can Fly,” Them’s “Here Comes the Night,” and the Zombies’ “Is This the Dream?”  We have to go see what’s happening with Occupy Oakland.  Have a “Feeling Groovy” type week.

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