Prudes battle full body scans

While visiting Paris in 1986, in an effort to become fully immersed in contemporary French culture, this columnist decided to rely on his anemic ability to speak and understand the French language to go to a movie there. 

The two leading contenders were “Betty Blue” and “<a href =http://www.answers.com/topic/descente-aux-enfers>Descend Aux Enfers</a>.”  The latter was chosen and the selection turned out to be a bit of serendipity luck.  When we got back to the USA we saw Blue in Los Angeles, two weeks later.  Descent en Enfers had gained some notoriety in the Paris newspapers because an ingenue actress’ first nude scene was one of that film’s cultural milestones.  It, to the best of my knowledge, never was released in the USA. 

To the French it was no big deal for a young actress to play a scene nude.  Did or didn’t America get all riled up over some photos of Miley Sirus, a short time ago?

Americans will criticize Middle East countries for requiring women to wear burkas, but then when they are in Australia, they will be shocked by women who go topless at the beach.  (Go figure.)  A member of the American military recently caused a ruckus by sending a letter to the editor of an Australian newspaper complaining about the scanty attire Aussie women wear (at the beach?).  That American, apparently, did not make any suggestions mentioning donning a burka.

Americans are terrified by the prospect that a bad guy will smuggle explosives aboard an airplane and yet they are more traumatized by the full body scan technology.  If questioned, Americans will titter (“He said ‘titter,’ Beavis!”) when considering this question:  What if the answer to airline security is nude check-in at the point of departure?

Yikes!

Americans are adamant that such a scandalous suggestion should not be taken seriously.  Hence it is litteraly true when prudes say:  “I’d rather die than let a stranger see me naked.”

Jay Leno can talk about it, but heavens forfend, if Keith Olbermann should offer that solution, America would freak out like an Arab seeing a woman’s face.  We understand that the burka update to their other, older religious beliefs was added during the 19th Century. 

Given a hard binary choice:  nude check-in or terrorist incident, which would Americans choose?  Obviously the Republican defenders of Christian family values would do everything in their power to avoid being ambushed by any direct answer to that question.  (“Yes or no?  Don’t wait for the translation, answer the question!”) “Look!  Look!  The Hindenburg!  Uh, what were we discussing?”

Thorne Smith, who died on June 21, 1934, wrote many novels that were very imaginative and made into hit movies and/or popular TV series, but his one novel, “The Bishop’s Jaeggers,” is still way to risqué and ahead of its time, to be made into a movie aimed at the prudish American public. 

Wasn’t Luis Andrew Martinez called “The Naked Guy” at UCB?

General McCafrey <a href =http://www.upi.com/Top_News/Special/2010/01/07/McCaffrey-shocks-with-Afghan-totals/UPI-65561262892600/> is getting little notice</a>; (UPI did carry the story) for making a prediction that casualties in Afghanistan are going to increase dramatically.  The repercussions of spending a great deal more money to send 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan should be prompting debates about spending priorities (Metaphorically speaking can a country “max out” its credit card?).  So body scans might (possibly) be used as clever diversionary tactic for the politicians to promote outrage rather than to turn attention to the important issues and, as W. C. Fields would have put it, grab the bull by the tail and face the situation.

There are seven million topics available on the Internet; this has been one of them.

TV’s Laugh In’s Artie Johnson got lots of laughs by asking the question:  “Wanna see my Walmetto ?

Now, the disk jockey will play Ray Steven’s song “The Streak,” Peter and Gordon’s “Lady Godiva,” Maryann Faithful’s “The Ballad of Lucy Jordan”  the Hombres’ “Let it all hang out,” and the 1969 version of “Running Bare” done by Sonny James.   Well, it’s time for us to go try to see if we can get a press pass to cover this year’s “Nudestock” music festival (running through the shady streets screaming all the way?).  Have a “ . . . or do you just like me?” (ask a Mae West fan) type week.

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